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Until You Lose Your Breath	By : theProphet Category: > Kyo/Kaoru Views: 1741 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: This is the work of fiction. Don't know Dir en grey and don't make any money from this.

Chapter List
- 13
- 14
- 15
Thoughts and written language are marked with ~~
CHAPTER 14
Next day Die volunteered to go to the hospital and to get some answers about Kyo’s condition from the doctor. Kaoru wanted to go himself but they didn’t let him. One way or the other, they already knew, but they wanted to hear it for a second time being calm. They wanted to really make sure that Kyo won’t be able to sing any more.
When Die came back, he repeated almost the same what they heard yesterday from the doctor. Kaoru just paled even more and sat down. They were at work because they had to tell the other workers and their producer that all other concerts are called off. The news about Kyo were already in the morning newspapers.
-Now I understand why Kyo looked so depressed these days, -Shinya sighted sadly. –He knew he had to stop singing. It must be so hard for him now…
-But why didn’t he tell us? –Toshiya asked confused. He was no more angry with Kyo. It was all so clear now. Kyo insulted them just because he suffered the most knowing he’ll have to stop singing. His voice was the biggest treasure in his life and there was nothing that could comfort him now.
-Because there was nothing we could have done to help him, -Shinya mused. –He decided to have his last concert like normal. Oh God… If only I knew! I could have tried to help him! I should have been there when he needed friend the most! I…
Die hugged him.
-Sh… There was nothing you could have done, Shinya. He pushed us away himself. He didn’t want us to know anything.
Suddenly the knock on the doors was heard.
-Come in, -Kaoru said. The doors opened and Miyavi stepped in. As soon as Toshiya saw him, he blushed a little and was at a loss of what to do.
-Hi! –Miyavi greeted. –Hey, Totchi!
-Hi, -Toshiya answered shyly.
-I’m sorry for bothering you at work, -Miyavi said, -but I’ve heard in the news what happened to Kyo. It’s really horrible news. Such a wonderful voice it was… Anyway, I came here to talk to Totchi. Sorry that I didn’t call you. I know I had to save your number in the phone… I lost the damn paper that had your phone number on it. Sorry!
-It’s ok, -Toshiya smiled weakly but looking happier now.
-I have an offer for you, Totchi.
-Me? An offer? –Toshiya looked totally confused.
-Yeah, -Miyavi grinned. –You’re now unemployed so I thought that I’d suggest you to join me. It would be a shame for such a talent to be wasted.
-Join you? –Toshiya still didn’t fully understand him.
-Yes, join me and play in my concerts. It’s called WORK. Should I spell it for you? –he teased.
-He’s not going anywhere, -Kaoru suddenly said in a cold tone.
-Why not? –Miyavi asked. –There’s no Dir En Grey anymore.
-We’re not going to disband! We’re going to look for the new vocalist!
-What? But Kaoru… -Shinya wanted to protest but Kaoru ignored him.
-Hmm… -Miyavi pouted, looking amused. –I doubt that you’ll find someone as good as Kyo.
-We are not going to disband and Toshiya is not going to join you, -Kaoru was angrily approaching Miyavi. Then he suddenly turned to look at Toshiya:
-Just try to leave us and you’ll regret it!
-I’m not going to leave, Kaoru. Calm down.
Kaoru just looked angrily at him.
-Sorry, Miya... I can’t join you.
-Huh… -Miyavi looked disappointed. –As you wish. But I think that you’d be better of with me. I’m such a popular pop star, you know. Everyone wants me. Well, who wouldn’t, -he smiled. –I’m gorgeous! Don’t you think so, Totchi?
Miyavi winked at him at Toshiya blushed.
-It’s very nice of you to think of me, though, -Toshiya smiled back and Miyavi grinned.
-Would you like to join us and have a cup of coffee? –Toshiya suggested.
-Can we go somewhere more private? –Miyavi asked and Toshiya immediately blushed.
-Toshiya, I don’t want you to disappear for a long so that you could get some. I want you to be more responsible, -Kaoru suddenly spoke.
-I am responsible, -Toshiya answered angrily, still blushing. Kaoru was ruining him the opportunity to spend some time with the object of his desire.
-I don’t think you are, -Kaoru answered coldly. – I didn’t say anything about the last time after the concert, but I’m not going to allow you to skip work now just so you could be fucked. Go back to your place now.
Toshiya stared at Kaoru in disbelief.
-I… You’re just being jealous!
-Don’t be stupid! Who’d want to be fucked by some pop star? Not me, thanks. It’s enough that Kyo left us in such a big mess. I won’t allow any more self-action. Go to your place, now.
-I won’t! –Toshiya screamed.
Kaoru came up to Toshiya, grabbed the bassist by his lapels and hissed:
-Don’t fuck with me! I’m the leader here. GO TO YOUR PLACE OR I’LL DRAG YOU THERE MYSELF!
-Kaoru, calm down, please, -Shinya pleaded. His voice betrayed that the drummer was scared.
-Don’t you understand how serious the situation is? –Kaoru let go of Toshiya and looked at the others. –We’re about to loose the most important thing and all you can think about is fucking! That also applies to both of you!
Kaoru pointed at Die and Shinya.
-I don’t like your little affair! I hope you’ll soon get bored of it because it is not doing any good to the band! You two are constantly distracted and occupied by staring and each other rather than playing! You think I don’t see you making out in every corner? You think I don’t know that you’re screwing around whenever you get some free time?!
Shinya blushed furiously.
-And now you! –he pointed to Toshiya again. –You have no sense of shame! You were ready to fuck with him almost in our presence! I’m not going to allow it any more! YOU! –he pointed to Die and Shinya. –You are going to end all your petting at work. And YOU, -he pointed to Toshiya, -are not going to screw at work places again. IS THAT CLEAR?!
Silence followed this outburst, then, very quietly, Shinya spoke:
-Nobody said a word when you and Kyo got together. You’re not being fair, Kaoru.
-You want to talk about Kyo? –Kaoru’s voice suddenly was full of malice. –Ok, let’s talk about him. Our precious vocalist is the best of all. He didn’t say a word to us about his voice problem. He fucking kept it to himself until he completely lost it. He had to say if it hurt him to sing. He had to be careful! All he had to do was to go to the doctor and cure his vocal chords! But no! He was too busy pitying himself and look what happened because of that!!! WE’RE RUINED! We’ll be fucking lucky if we’ll find a vocalist! And that’s not the end of the problems! Will we be able to remain in music industry as a completely different band?! I worked so hard for our group to become major AND HE FUCKED IT ALL! He did it because he felt depressed and didn’t deign to go to the doctor!
-Don’t blame Kyo for everything! You heard what the doctor said! If Kyo wouldn’t have lost his voice completely, he still wouldn’t be able to sing.
-It is because he waited so long and didn’t go to the doctor sooner!
-Well, maybe you’re right, -Die said, -but don’t start ordering us what to do. I’m not just fucking with Shinya. I love him and I’m not going to end everything just because you don’t like it. And leave Totchi in peace! He didn’t do anything wrong now. Don’t wreak your furry on us! We’re as much concerned about the future of the band as you are!
-Well it doesn’t look like that! –Kaoru didn’t seem to calm even a little. –Miyavi, you can go, if you have no more business here. You’ll get Toshiya’s ass other time! Totchi, dear, drag your ass to your work place. And you both… just go back to work!
Toshiya looked at Kaoru with a hurt look in his face and then turned to leave. Kaoru jumped to him, grabbed his hand and pushed him back. Toshiya didn’t want to surrender and he tried to tear his hand from Kaoru’s grip. The first one to react was Shinya. He suddenly was near the two of them and helped Toshiya to escape Kaoru’s grip.
-Let him go! –Shinya pleaded. –Kaoru, you need to calm down!
-Where will he go?! We have WORK to do!
-Fuck you and your work! –Toshiya screamed with tears in his eyes. –It’s not Kyo who’s being egoistic! You are!
-I don’t want to hear his name ever again! –Kaoru screamed back. –Kyo doesn’t exist any more! He does not exist for you as well! YOU HEAR ME?! Forget that selfish bastard! Don’t ever visit him again! He deserves the suffering he got!
-You know what, Kaoru? –Shinya said. –Fuck you!
Kaoru hit Shinya hard on the face and the drummer fell down. The next second Die was near Kaoru trying to hit him. But Toshiya managed to grab him in time and Miyavi was here to hold back the outrageous leader.
Everyone just tried to get their breathing back to normal and looked at each other.
-Get the hell out of here, -Kaoru finally said. –All of you!
When nobody moved, Kaoru screamed:
-NOW!!!
Die freed himself from Toshiya’s grip and went to Shinya, helped him to stand up and not ever looking at Kaoru went out. Miyavi just shrugged and followed them. Toshiya looked like he wanted to say something, but decided not to and went away closing the doors and leaving the leader alone.
Kaoru stared for some time at the doors. Tears suddenly struck him with such power that Kaoru collapsed on the floor and started to weep. He just managed to cover his face with his hands.
It took a long time when the tears finally started to subside.
***
When Toshiya went into the lobby round the corner, he saw that Shinya was sitting embraced in Die’s hug. Shinya’s face was not seen, but there was some blood on Die’s Adidas t-shirt.
-Is he ok? –he asked.
Die nodded.
-Let’s go home, Shin-chan, -he whispered softly to him.
Shinya nodded and they stood up. Shinya didn’t even look at Toshiya and Miyavi, he started walking and Die just waved to the other guys and followed him.
-I’m sorry you had to see it all, -Toshiya said to Miyavi.
-It’s not your fault, -the guy smiled. –Your leader-sama is really scary.
Toshiya’s lips suddenly tightened and he felt silent again. When they were finally out in the parking lot Shinya and Die were already gone. Suddenly Miyavi’s phone rang.
-Hello? … Umm, I’m busy now, sorry. … Yeah, well, can’t do anything now about it, try to jerk off at least once by yourself! Ha ha! … Yeah, ok, see ya!
Toshiya stared at him and Miyavi seeing this, felt like he had to explain.
-It was my… uh, how should I call him… sex partner. I like to have some of them, I hate routine. So, would you like to go for a drink? –he asked. –You look like you really need it. And besides, I’d keep you company! Aren’t you a lucky one?
Toshiya nodded feeling worse than before, if even that was possible. So they headed for the nearest bar. Toshiya didn’t want to get drunk, so they just had a couple bottles of bear. When they noticed that people started to stare at them because they recognized them, they decided to leave.
-Let’s go to your place! –Miyavi said. Toshiya looked at him with disbelieve.
-Don’t you want me any more? –Miyavi asked with innocent look in his eyes.
-I… um…
-Let’s not waste time, -Miyavi smiled and sat in his car.
-Well, what are you waiting for, Totchi? –Miyavi asked. –Drive and I’ll follow you to your place!
Toshiya just managed to nod and ran to his car. What ever, he thought, I need to relax and I don’t fucking care that it’s just sex for him. I want him at least in this way, at least for one more night.
***
-I like your flat, -Miyavi stated after he examined Toshiya’s flat without invitation. –The most amazing one is your bedroom. It’s red!
-Yeah, I’ve noticed.
-Are you trying to be smart with me? –Miyavi smiled.
When Toshiya didn’t say anything, Miyavi started to unbutton his shirt looking Toshiya straight in the eyes.
-What are you doing? –Toshiya asked surprised.
-Skipping the unnecessary prelude.
-To what?
-Don’t pretend to be stupid, Totchi, -Miyavi smiled sweetly. Toshiya blushed a little but didn’t protest when Miyavi came close to him and pulled off his t-shirt.
-Let’s go to your bedroom, -Miyavi said and ushered Toshiya to the room.
Soon they both were naked and on the bed. Miyavi didn’t like to caress long. He wanted to see his partner naked as soon as possible.
Toshiya moaned as Miyavi climbed on top of him, straddled him and started kissing bassist’s lips. Soon tongues were involved. Toshiya’s arms roamed on Miyavi’s back gently caressing it. Miyavi stroked Toshiya’s chest evilly playing with his nipples.
-What’s the thing that rods my ass? –Miyavi asked lazily. Toshiya blushed because he knew what it was. Miyavi turned to look and pretended to be surprised.
-Totchi! You’re a naughty, naughty boy!
He turned back to look at the bassist with a grin on his face and asked:
-What should we do about it?
Toshiya didn’t answer and Miyavi leaned closer to him. He traced his hand down Toshiya’s chest and started to stroke the skin around bassist’s hardness not touching it. The look on singer’s face was one of extreme concentration. His eyes were narrowed slightly as he watched the progress of his fingers. His chest was heaving slightly more than it should on normal circumstances. The black hair fell forward. Lips were tightly shut pressing a piercing between them. His black eyes showed satisfaction and curiosity.
Toshiya watched his chest heave, watched all the fine tattoos, the slender, yet muscular figure, his manhood already hard and big, too big for a small Toshiya’s frame, his flat belly and white thighs… and he got so hard that it became unbearable to endure this torture any more.
-Please, -Toshiya whispered, -please…
-Please what? –Miyavi didn’t stop caressing him.
-Please… fuck me…
Miyavi pulled his hand away and pulled Toshiya’s legs apart. Then he sat between them and put bassist’s legs on his thighs. He wetted his finger and without any warning pushed it into Toshiya. It wasn’t painful at all. Miyavi was so gentle that Toshiya almost asked him to add another one. Though he didn’t need to say it. After some seconds he felt that another finger was added, and after some more time the third one followed. The singer was whirling the fingers inside. Toshiya felt uncomfortable because the guy was looking at his ass with a serious expression on his face. Miyavi was leaning forward so much that his face was just few inches away from Toshiya’s hard member.
Then suddenly the fingers were drawn out and Toshiya felt Miyavi’s stone-hard erection being positioned at his entrance. After few more seconds the guy started to penetrate him. Very slowly he pushed himself inside hot Toshiya’s body, inch after inch until the bassist felt Miyavi’s balls prop to his buttocks. Toshiya opened his eyes when he felt hands embracing his back and lifting him off the bed.
-Come here, babe, -Miyavi mumbled. Toshiya managed to sit in a position that the other guy wanted him to be.
Now Toshiya was sitting on Miyavi’s thighs with a hot, pulsing cock deep in his body. Toshiya embraced Miyavi’s neck and pressed himself as close as possible to the other man’s body. Miyavi put his hands on bassist’s hips and whispered:
-Now move…
Toshiya obeyed immediately. He started to move up and down, feeling how the hot, stone-hard sex tore his soft inner body leaving him tremble with extreme pleasure, the heavenly torture…
His chest rubbed to Miyavi’s chest, his manhood touched the others belly every time he went up. And every time he went down he felt the all-absorbing feeling of singer’s shaft hitting the depths of his body. Toshiya moaned lazily, feeling the pleasure gradually build up in him. He wanted this never to end. He wanted it not to be just another one night stand. He wanted to have this unearthly creature all to himself.
Tears suddenly ran down his cheeks and he started to sob violently. All this happened so quickly that it took several thrusts for Miyavi finally to notice what was happening. He wanted to stop thinking that Toshiya was in pain, but the bassist just hugged the other man even with a bigger force and started moving quicker. The tears never stopped, he started crying loudly. The moans intertwined with sobs but Toshiya just clutched singer’s neck never wanting to let go.
Soft cry escaped his lips when he felt Miyavi’s hand embrace his shaft and start pumping it with force. Toshiya started to thrust himself on singer’s cock with such a force that the other guy thought he’d make him bleed. Soon Toshiya felt hot stream of sticky liquid fill him, the fingers on his cock suddenly twitched and squeezed his shaft so hard that it was all it took for him to finally release everything that was building up inside him. Toshiya shuddered violently as the power of orgasm took over his body. He slouched in Miyavi’s embrace breathing hard, tears still flowing down his cheeks.
Miyavi laid down with Toshiya still inside him and on him. Toshiya put his head on singer’s chest and put his arms around guy’s shoulders.
-Are you ok? –Miyavi asked silently.
-Hai…
-Why are you crying then?
Toshiya didn’t say anything. He slipped from Miyavi’s body, found a blanked and covered them both with it. Then he snuggled against him putting his hands on the guy’s chest and resting his head near his shoulder. The tears still were running and he started to sob a little again.
Miyavi put his chin on Toshiya’s head and embraced him with one hand.
-Everything’s going to be ok, Totchi, -he whispered thinking that Toshiya cried because of what happened to Kyo. –Don’t cry, please…
But Toshiya couldn’t calm down. He was very scared.
~You know nothing… It’s all so simple to you… Oh my God, what am I going to do?! Why did it have to happen? Why?~
Toshiya cried feeling totally helpless. He fell in love with this gorgeous creature. He couldn’t deny it any longer. He couldn’t fool himself any more.
~It’s just fucking for him… fucking…
What am I going to do?
…what… am I going… to do… ~
***
Toshiya was awakened by the ray of sun shining to his face. He jawed and turned to look at Miyavi still sleeping near him. He looks so cute and sexy at the same time…
Toshiya sighted and got up. After a quick shower he went to the kitchen to make some coffee. Miyavi came soon after. He stood naked in the kitchen and stretched. Toshiya seeing him almost dropped a cup that he was holding in a hand.
-Good morning! –Miyavi smiled. –Do I smell coffee?
-Hai…
-Great! I’ll take a shower and be back soon! Make me some toasts ok? I’m starving!
Toshiya just nodded. When Miyavi reappeared again, he was already dressed but his hair was wet. Toshiya looked at him and sighted. He’s gorgeous…
-Mmm… That’s great coffee! –Miyavi smiled contently. –But I need more sugar!
Toshiya placed the sugar in front of him and sat at the table. He sipped his own coffee and stared at Miyavi.
-Are you feeling better today? –Miyavi asked.
-Yeah…
-You were so sad yesterday, -Miyavi pouted. –I like the happy Totchi better!
-Miya… I have something to say…
-What is it? –Miyavi asked with his mouth full.
-I think it’s better for us not to see each other again, -Toshiya managed to say trying hard not to start crying only at this thought.
-Why? Don’t you like me any more? Didn’t you like the sex?
-I like you a lot! And I liked the… sex. That’s why I think it’s better for us not to see each other again.
-I don’t understand, -Miyavi pouted. –Did you hit your head this morning or something?
-Miya, I really like you, but I don’t want this if it’s only sex for you. I want so much more… I want to be the only one for you… I don’t want to share you with anybody. So I think it’s better to part different ways until I seriously got into trouble, until I fell for you…
~Just like Kyo… I don’t want to suffer like Kyo does because he’s still in love with Kaoru…~
-I see… You want me to be faithful to you? Like a couple? Not to have any other lovers just you?
Toshiya nodded.
-I don’t think I can do this… -Miyavi said.
-That’s why I’m asking you not to come to me ever again…
Miyavi was silent for some time looking Toshiya in the face then said:
-Ok, Totchi, I won’t bother you more. I’m not going to lie. I can easily find lovers that wouldn’t make any requirements for me and who would only do whatever I want. I like you though, and I don’t want to see you sad, so I’ll do as you ask. Is this ok?
Toshiya nodded again.
-Fine then!
Miyavi finished eating and finally stood up. He came close to Toshiya and kissed his forehead.
-Sayonara!
And with that he went away. Toshiya finally let his tears drop and started crying silently.
***
-Good morning, Shin-chan! –Die greeted and smiled to his lover who just entered the kitchen. Shinya had a bruise on his face left by Kaoru’s fist.
-Smells good, -Shinya smiled.
-I hope you’ll like it! I made pancakes for you, lazy head!
Shinya smiled affectionately and sat down. They ate in silence. After finishing Die lit a cigarette much to Shinya’s displeasure.
-When you’re going to quit? –he asked angrily.
-It’s hard to do that, -Die smiled apologetically.
Shinya sighted.
-What’s on your mind? –Die asked.
-I’m glad that I had a sex-free night finally…
Die laughed and kissed Shinya on the lips.
-Why are you so happy? –Shinya asked.
-I don’t know. I guess there’s nothing to worry about because I still have you. Of course, I’m sad that we’ll have to disband, but remembering the recent situation in the band, I knew something bad was coming.
-What do you mean?
-After Kaoru left Kyo I couldn’t help but wonder when Kyo’s going to do something drastic. The slitting of his wrists was that but… But after that he still was angry and depressed. I knew that it wasn’t the end. So… Here we have now… He lost his voice. I think that he put all his anger for Kaoru in his performing and he wore himself out. He really overdid it this time. The doctor said he was in pain for a long time, so that means he didn’t trust any of us any more to share his problems. I just knew that their split up was going to be the end of Dir En Grey. Kaoru was too gruff to try and fuss about Kyo. Kyo was too depressed to try and listen what others had to say to him. There was no way to escape the conflict. That’s why Kaoru disapproved of our relationship. He thought that we’ll split up and start fighting like he and Kyo did.
-I sincerely thought that we’ll make it and solve all the problems… I want Dir En Grey to go on…
-Me too, Shinya… Me too…
-Die?
-Yeah?
-Don’t be angry with Kaoru for that punch. It’s the hardest for him. He wouldn’t hurt me intentionally. He wouldn’t hurt any of us intentionally.
-I know, -Die sighted and gently rubbed Shinya’s cheek. –But if he’ll ever at least say a mean word to you, I’ll…
-Oh, Die! –Shinya interrupted him by a kiss. –I love you so much!
-Me too, Shinya.
-Die?
-Yeah…
-What do you think, should we go to Kaoru’s or… I don’t know… What are we supposed to do now?
-I think it’s better to wait. Kaoru has to calm down. I know him well. I think he’ll call us and will give instructions.
-I agree…
They finished their breakfast in silence thinking about the sad end their band will have to face soon.
***
Kaoru called Toshiya, Die and Shinya after more than a week. He told them to be in the studio next morning and hung up. So they did as they were told and entered the studio finding Kaoru already there. They greeted and sat at the table.
-I’d like to start by apologizing to all of you, -Kaoru said. –Shinya, sorry for that punch. Totchi, I was unfair to you, sorry. You’re my friends and I haven’t had to wreak my furry on you.
-Apologize accepted, -Toshiya smiled. Die and Shinya nodded and Kaoru smiled relieved.
-I called you all here because today we need to write our retirement documents and disband. It was stupid of me even to think about finding a new vocalist.
Silence followed this statement. Then Die finally sighted heavily. Shinya looked very sad and Toshiya started to cry.
-It’s ok, Totchi, -Kaoru said. –You all are going to be just fine. You have someone by your side…
-I don’t have! –Toshiya sniffed. –I asked Miya not to come to me because all he needs is sex! I don’t want to suffer like Kyo! It hurts only to look at him. I don’t want to feel this pain.
-Totchi, I’m so sorry that it didn’t work for you, -Shinya hugged Toshiya and Totchi calmed down a little.
-I’ll survive, -Toshiya smiled weakly.
Kaoru himself tried to be calm. He drank a lot and smoked like mad but the pain from loosing Dir En Grey was impossible to stand. He tried to be calm in front of his friends but he was gradually failing.
-How are you, Kao? –Die asked.
-I’ll never be fine after this. You know that so why are you asking. I just need time to accept the situation. I’ll find some job and start new life. Without…
Kaoru fell silent. He looked down at his trembling hands. He wasn’t sure what he wanted to say. What scared him the most: to lose the band, or to completely lose the hold on Kyo. Not to see him anymore. He couldn’t deny, he still felt things for Kyo and cared for the vocalist. He was used to have him by his side, to always see that Kyo still loved him and his heart still belonged to him. It made Kaoru feel special and wanted.
-Is Kyo going to come here? –Shinya asked warily.
Kaoru nodded. So they started to write documents and after some time Kyo showed up. He looked very worn out and exhausted. He just looked at each of the band member except Kaoru and put the papers on the table then turned to leave.
-Kyo, wait! –Toshiya stood up wanting to get Kyo’s attention. Kyo faced him.
-Kyo… Would you like to go to a bar after everything’s over? –Toshiya smiled friendly. –Maybe Shinya and Die would join us too? Maybe even…
But Kyo turned from him and didn’t listen any more. He took some paper from his bag and wrote down quickly then gave it to Toshiya.
~Maybe next time.~
-Ok, then, -Toshiya sighted. –See you around…
Kyo just nodded and went away. Kaoru followed him with his eyes. Kyo not ever glanced at him while he was here. He must have hated the leader with a passion.

TBC

Author’s Comment: Seems like I used to put in a lot of sex scenes… LOL :) Comments? ^^
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Until You Lose Your Breath