Dead Like Me | By : poe Category: My Chemical Romance > General Views: 4827 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0 |
Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction. I do not know the members of My Chemical Romance. I do not make any money from the writing of this story. |
erry Christmas everyone!
I know you've all been EXTRA GOOD this year, so here's your present:
I UPDATED MY FIC!!!!! YAY!
I know how excited y'all are right now, so i'll make this short!
Enjoy reading and let me know what you think!!!!
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Disclaimer: They aren't mine, I just like to play with them, and this never happened.
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When Mikey walked into the kitchen, I immediately knew something was different. The way he walked with a certain almost swagger to his step, like he knew something that I didn't. Which, I knew, couldn't be the case. But it still pissed me off, because he obviously thought that he was pulling one over on me.
"Hey, Gee, what's up?" He asked casually. Too casually. I didn't really want to play this game.
"Nothing, Mikey."
"Oh." It didn't wipe the smirk off of his face, but he pulled his mug off coffee close to his chest, like he was disappointed that I wasn't going to ask him anything about how he was doing. God, he was so immature. I swear, he needed me to look after him. He wouldn't even be able to wipe his own ass in the real world.
He cradled his mug like a baby, nursing it in his arms, a soft smile ghosting the corners of his face. Fine. He was pissing me off. If he didn't stop fucking smirking, I was going to deck him.
"Okay, Mikey. You win." I rolled my eyes and swallowed the spoonful of my cereal I was working on. "What are you so fucking happy about?"
His smile widened, and he sipped his coffee, as if trying to build up the suspense. Like it was killing me. Right.
"Well, not really anything..." He trailed off until he was sure that I had his full attention. I gave it to him.
"Frankie and I....we did it." He finally blurted out.
I rolled my eyes. Tell me something I don't know. It's not like I hadn't heard them every other fucking night. My room wasn't that far away.
"That's what you had to tell me? That you and Frankie had sex?" I rolled my eyes and resumed eating my Cheerios.
"Gerard, I know you're way more experienced then me at these things, and it might not be that big a deal to you, but I thought that losing my virginity was a big deal."
I coughed, and proceeded to get a mouthful of Cheerios stuck in my throat. My eyes watered, and I had to blink a few times until it went away.
Once I had my coughing fit under control, I looked back up to him, almost wanting to laugh. "Sorry, I heard you wrong. I thought you just said that you lost your virginity." I spooned some more Cheerios into my mouth.
He nodded enthusiastically. "Yeah, Frankie and I had sex for the first time last night."
I don't know why I had started to eat again, but I immediately decided to hold all food until the end of this conversation.
My eyes still watering, I had to clarify what he'd just said. "Mikey, you and Frankie haven't had sex?"
"No, not until last night." I coughed again, pounding my chest until I stopped, like someone who’d been smoking for thirty years. No, I must have heard that wrong.
"But, I always heard you guys. I mean, come on, you guys HAD to have done it before! You were always making noises over there, enough to make ME blush. You can't tell me that you and Frankie NEVER did it!"
Mikey turned a deep shade of red, and bowed his head a bit, hiding behind his coffee mug. "Well, we did do other stuff, but we never actually did it."
Nononononononononononono.
I couldn't let it go. "But what about that one night, when I walked in on you guys.....you were fucking naked and.......shit.....you had to have...."
Mikey looked up at me quizzically. "Gerard, why is it so hard to believe that I had never done that before? Do you think that I'm a slut or something?!"
Shitshitshitshitshitshitshitshit.
"No, no, Mikey, I just--" Don't say anything incriminating.”…assumed that….”
“Just because I’m your brother, doesn’t mean that I’m exactly like you, you know! I don’t have to sleep with a shitload of guys to feel good about myself, or do that shit that you always do.”
“No, Mikey, that’s not what I meant. I just thought that you and Frankie-- I mean, you're both young and horny, and I just assumed--" I ran a hand through my hair, dumping my neglected and now soggy cheerios into the garbage disposal.
He simmered down a bit, and walked over to me, his cold coffee mug sitting alone on the table. “Gee, Frankie and I both decided to wait until we were ready. We’re each others firsts, and that’s the way we wanted it. I just wanted you to be happy for me.”
He lowered his head, and I could see the little pout that had formed on his lips.
I sighed quietly. "Never mind Mikey. It doesn't matter what I said. All that matters is that you're happy." I put on my best and cheesiest 'proud big brother' smile, and gave him a big hug.
"Good, Gee. Because I am happy." He hugged me back tightly, and squeezed my shoulders gently as he pulled away.
"You know, I think I really love him." He smiled at me and left the room.
I sat back down at the table, and promptly lit up a cigarette.
Fuck.
I didn't need a fucking professor to tell me the answer to this equation. And by all calculations, I was royally screwed.
Double fuck.
I mean, I didn't know. I'd just assumed.....I mean, the way he responded, him and Mikey must have done EVERYTHING but actual penetration. I didn't know!
I took my brother's boyfriend's virginity.
Consequently, I felt like the world's biggest asshole. I didn't like that feeling. It was unfamiliar. It was uncomfortable.
Fuck fuck fuck.
He could have fucking told me.
But why didn't he? That thought made me want to vomit.
I realized my cigarette was smoked down to the cherry, so I lit up another.
You always want your first time to be with someone special. At least, I know Frankie did. He bought into all that girly bullshit they tell you about being in love, and making it at just the right moment. So why the fuck didn't he have sex with Mikey? If he and Mikey were in love why didn’t he just do it with Mikey? Because they were waiting for “the right time”?
I didn’t buy it. That wasn’t it. And it seemed awfully convenient that a few days after I had sex with him, he had sex with Mikey.
He couldn’t have been holding out for me. Could he?
That thought made me light up yet another cigarette. And another. And another.
I puffed furiously, chain smoking for a good hour, trying to work out in my head what this fucking stupid situation meant. I really shouldn't care. Mikey said that he loved Frankie, so Frankie must love him back too. Then I wouldn't have to beat the shit out of him for cheating on my brother.
Suddenly, there was this other sensation wriggling its way out of my guts and into plain view. It was more uncomfortable than the guilt I felt at taking Frankie's virginity, because, let's face it, I did feel guilty. That should have belonged to my brother, but I just had to go and snake my way into Frankie's pants. I mean, it wasn't like he didn't want it. I thought that I was just giving him what he wanted, what he'd always wanted. That didn't mean I should have done it. I just figured...
And really, didn't he want me in the first place? I always knew, ever since I figured out that Frankie liked boys, that he wanted me. Not Mikey, me. Secretly I thought that Mikey was just the consolation prize. If he couldn't have me, he'd settle for second best. It never bothered me, because I was always in it for the game. I liked being chased, and I usually had no intention of actually being caught. But once he stopped pursuing me...
He always waited outside my door, skulking around like a damn shadow. He was way too feminine, way too sensitive, way too innoccent for me. I had never wanted to reciprocate the feelings that I imagined that he had because I knew that I could never give him what he wanted from me. Mikey could, though. So I let it go.
But I guess once he became unavailable I realized that I wanted him.
Committments had never stopped me before, and I wasn't about to let the fact that it was my brother's boyfriend change my mind.
That aside, there was a more prominent feeling rearing it's ugly head.
My mom was always on me about being nice to my brother. She told me that I had to watch out for him, and take care of him, because he was smaller than me. He was always smaller than me. So I did. Ever since we were kids I've looked after him. And I never minded sharing with him. Everything I had, I always shared with Mikey. My house, my food, my car, my clothes, everything. It never bothered me.
But I think that I had just found out that there were some things that I didn't like sharing with Mikey.
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