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New Beginnings	By : LadyAreia Category: J-Rock/J-Pop & K-Pop > An Cafe Views: 1644 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction. I do not know the members of An Cafe. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
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Tsukasa woke from a fitful sleep with a start. He didn't think anything specific had pulled him so harshly from his slumber, but his dreams had been bad and perhaps it was good to be awake. As he sat in his room, staring up at the stark white ceiling, he was once again reminded of his worries, and thought perhaps the waking world wasn't all that great after all.

He shuffled out to the kitchen, eyes catching sight of the note on the table. He picked up the folded sheet of stationary, smiling at his roommate's neat, almost anal handwriting.

Leaving early to run a few errands before heading to my parents house. Remember the wedding anniversary party I told you about a couple of days ago? I'll probably be gone all day, not to return until late. I left a list of food items that we need on the fridge, so if you get the chance, can you run by the grocers? If not, I can do it tomorrow.

I know its none of my business, but after speaking with you last night, I really think you need to talk to Hakuei, and soon. Tora too. I know this is very difficult for you, and I certainly understand how hard these decisions are going to be, but make them you must or run the risk of losing everything. And everone you love.

On one hand, Tora-kun was your first, real love, someone you very nearly died trying to protect. Now he's come back into your life, as if by a miracle, ready to love you and pick up right where you guys left off.

But on the other hand, you also have Hakuei-kun. After so many years, not trusting anyone, having given up all hopes of ever finding someone to replace the love lost in your life, you find him. From the moment you met him, we all could see a change in you. You opened yourself up to him and he showed you how it was to live again. He loves you, and you love him.

I can't tell you who's better for you, no one can. That's something you're going to have to figure out on your own. Perhaps both men could make you happy, in different ways. But I can assure you that we, as your friends, who love you dearly, will back you up 100%, no matter what you decide to do. You deserve happiness just as much as anyone.

Don't hesitate to call me if you need to talk. I'll come back early if I have to. All you have to do is ask.

Barring that, I'll talk to you later tonight or tomorrow. Have a good day, my friend.

-- ‚«‚³‚«

Tsukasa smiled, his heart warmed at the love flowing through every word. He folded the note and tucked it into his pocket, then retrieved the grocery list from under the cutsy alphabet magnets littering their stainless steel refridgerator door. Everyone always laughed when they saw those.

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He pushed the cart slowly around the produce stands, pausing to select a few nice apples, oranges and bananas for the fruit bowl. He reached for a small bunch of grapes when he heard two voices coming up somewhere behind him.

"No... I don't know what..."

Someone tossed something soft into a cart. "Then I can't... know what to tell you. I remember Tora... good kid... Kirito.. they all..changed alot, but I guess thats..."

Tsukasa closed his eyes, trying his best to melt into the rest if the fruits and vegetables around him.

Hakuei sighed. "Thats what's... so hard."

Yoshiki moved deeper into the produce section, stoping to examine a head of lettuce before bagging and tossing it in the cart alongside the bread. "Are you just going to give up? Let him go? I was under the impression you really loved Tsukasa. Alot."

He could just feel them coming closer to the fruit section. Hakuei pushed the cart, lazily draped over the handlebar as they ambled aimlessly through the store

"I do. I honestly love him." He paused and Tsukasa closed his eyes, lips trembling. "Yet, after saying that, I also know that I'd do anything within my power to see him happy." He stopped the cart and said very deliberatly. "That includes giving him up, if it comes to that."

Tsukasa's hand came up to muffle a gasp as tears gathered in his eyes. He stood very still and didn't hear anything more, so he took his time trying to compose himself before continuing to shop. With shaky hands, he bent forward and picked up a pear, then nearly jumped out of his skin when a hand touched his elbow.

"How much of that did you hear?"

Tsukasa couldn't help the butterflies fluttering in his stomach at the feel of Hakuei's hand on his skin.

"Not much," he admitted, "but-"

"I meant what I said." The taller man moved closer, gently grasping his wrists from behind. "I love you; we both know that. But if you will be happier with Tora, I'm willing to let you go."

"But I don't know-"

He could feel the other man tense, jaw clenching beside his face.

"Then find out." His voice was thick, strained as he spoke quietly by Tsukasa's ear. "Just because we..." Hakuei closed his eyes. "I want you with every fiber of my being, but... I can't be responsible for any regrets you may have later on. People say they love each other all the time.. and then.. feelings fade away."

Tsukasa moaned at Hakuei's cruel words.

"Maybe what we have... isn't true love at all... maybe it is.."

"No!" Tsukasa hissed. "I know I love you! I know what we have is-"

"What do you really know?" The voice in his ear was so very quiet, just above a whisper. "Every day people lose love and find another. It's part of life."

Tsukasa's shoulders shook as he tried hard not to cry. "Please don't-"

"It'll be easier this way." came the voice by his ear. Soft lips brushed lightly against the side of his head and Hakuei stepped back. "I'll give you as much time as you need, but... don't take too long." his voice cracked and Tsukasa's heart ached. "I'll still be around, at the bar, hanging out with the guys, going to practice. We don't have to avoid each other while you think. But.. you have to make a desicion. I need to know.... soon." With a final squeeze, Hakuei walked away Tsukasa gasped and leaned forward on the produce stand, taking deep breaths before turning around. But Yoshiki and Hakuei were nowhere to be seen.

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Tora rebuttoned his shirt, legs dangling over the side of the examining table. Dr. Ishikawa stepped into the room, flip-chart in hand.

"The routine physical came back as expected; nothing new there." He flipped through the papers, making a small notation hear and there. "I'm still not satisfied with the CT scans your previous doctor sent over. If you would please stop by the nurses station on your way out and schedule an appointment for later in the week we ca-"

"No."

The doctor looked up, one brow raised at the young man staring up at him.

"No more tests." His voice was low but firm. "You can see everything from those papers right there in your hands." He hopped down from the table and looked down at the slightly shorter man. "We both know my situation; let's leave it at that."

"But the orders from your old doctor-"

The younger man shook his head. "I understand your concern and I thank you for it, but if I always did what doctor's insisted, I would never leave the hospital." He narrowed his eyes. "And I wouldn't have made it here."

Dr.Ishikawa frowned, crossing his chest. "Without more tests I can't-"

Tora chuckled without mirth. "Does it really matter?" He met the other man's gaze, his eyes steady and cold, far beyond his years.

"I can at least-"

"Don't bother." Tora smiled, brushing dark hair out of his eyes. "I promise I'll keep coming in for weekly check-ups, but I don't want any new, pointless tests, no more hospital stays. I did not come all this way to just start back up again where I started." He rubbed his temples with two fingers. "At least, not this way."

The doctor sighed and pulled out a prescription pad. "I'm going to continue your previous doctors recommendation of carbamazepine. I'm also going to up the dosage on your pain meds, so that means no drinking, no driving, but you know that already."

"I don't even have a license."

The older man nodded absently and handed the two slips of paper to the other.

"What you are doing is very dangerous, Tora. If another blood clot should form..."

"I'm aware of the risks." the younger man said, a bit harsher than he had intended. With considerable effort, he sighed and bowed. "I promise, I'll be careful."
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New Beginnings