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Bittersweet	By : SweetEire Category: Individual Celebrities > Orlando Bloom Views: 4438 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction. I do not know Orlando Bloom. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 15
- 16
- 17
So finally, here it is. It was quite hard to write, so I hope you all like it.
Once again, thank you sooooooooooo much for your reviews. It really helps a lot if I get some feedback. And it makes me really happy to know that so many of you actually enjoy this story.

Venys, I'm sorry I made you cry...now remember to get your tissues ready! ;-(
Dizzi, thank you for your review.I'm glad to be your first! Keep em coming tho. ;-)
Fanny - as usual - thnks a lot. I'm sorry this story turned out to be so sad, but remember, that it's not over yet. Still, you too, get your tissues ready. ;-)
My dedicated and devoted reader Quinn aka BlackenedRosePetals (I like that name...), I didn't mean to torment you, I hope you're still alive to read this new chapter - and review afterwards ;-)

There will be more to come soon, I just have to get through my exams and i promise in february - march the latest - another chapter will be up!
Until then, enjoy this and please, please,please review!

Chapter Fifteen

Breathe No More
I've been looking in the mirror for so long
That I've come to believe my soul's on the other side
All the little pieces falling, shatter
Shards of me
Too sharp to put back together
Too small to matter
But big enough to cut me into so many little pieces
If I try to touch her
And I bleed
I bleed
And I breathe
I breathe no more.

Take a breath and I try to draw from my spirit 's well
Yet again you refuse to drink like a stubborn child
Lie to me
Convince me that I've been sick forever
And all of this
Will make sense when I get better
But I know the difference
Between myself and my reflection
I just can't help but to wonder
Which of us do you love

...
Bleed
I bleed
And I breathe
I breathe
I breathe-
I breathe no more.

*

Once again Katie found herself standing in the long vault, but this time there was no light. She could hear the voices, but everything around her was dark. She didn’t know where to turn, or even go. The voices grew louder and came closer. Her body stiffened. What was she to do?
She could hear children’s laughter. And then she could see the shadow of a small body pass her by. She could feel it as if it was a breeze on her bare legs. She tried to grab it, hold on to it, but it just passed her by. It was nothing. She couldn’t touch it and yet it was there. She followed the shadow, but it was too fast for her. She reached out again, trying to scream, but no sound left her throat, trying to run, but her feet would not move. She was desperate lying in the cold.
Her eyes flew open and with wild eyes, she scanned the room. It was dark around her. She was puffing, her heart pounding in her chest as if it wanted to break out. The rest of her body was numb. She could scarcely move – but she didn’t need to. She felt the loss in her belly, knew the bump was not there anymore. Suddenly she felt something stir at her side.

She felt the familiar silky touch of his hair, the feeling of his hand clasped around hers and his regular breath. He was here. He was with her. And he was suffering. He sighed deeply in his sleep and she knew that he was not at peace. Something was troubling him, haunting him in his dreams.
Katie swallowed. She felt guilty – and numb. Empty.
The darkness closed in around her and she had to fight down a strong wave of panic that threatened to overwhelm her. She just knew it. Nobody had said anything to her, but she had known it ever since they had taken him away from her. She hadn’t even been able to see him, only to hold him, her son, for a few minutes.

The images of all those doctors and nurses swirling around her came back to her like a nightmare. She felt as if she was transferred back into the surgery. The pain came back and seemed to wake up her numb body.
A sharp pain was across her belly, where they had cut her open to take him. They had taken him out of her womb – the safest place on earth and he had died all alone - far away from his mother and father…
Once again Orlando stirred and mumbled something. The grip on her hand tightened for a few seconds and then loosened again. Her hand was close to his neck now, and she could feel him swallowing. She felt his pulse go through his artery and it somehow soothed her. She counted his pulse finding relief in engaging her troubled mind for a while.

Then she felt his shoulders vibrate. He sighed deeply and shivered.
He was crying.

She moved her hand a bit, only to show him that she was here. She was here with him. Gently, she moved her thumb up and down his neck. He froze.
Slowly, he raised his head. His eyes were half closed, red and swollen. And even if she hadn’t known before, she would know now. His lips trembled as he tried to form some words, but she gestured for him to stop. She didn’t wanna hear. It was painful enough this way. She didn’t need anyone to tell her that her son was dead. She didn’t wanna speak or hear anything. All she wanted was to suffer silently – just like he did.
Orlando moved up to her and kissed her forehead. She felt his tears roll down her cheek now. But her tears were frozen. She was cold, her whole body was stiff and frozen – and not even the warmth of his body could comfort her now.
A part of her was missing – and would be gone forever.

*

Orlando’s throat was dry and hurt. His arms lay limp beside him and the rest of his body felt numb. Damn sleep, he though,t and wanted to stretch and then reach for water. But something was different. His body did not seem to be listening to him anymore. His arms were heavy, heavier than usual – and his legs…What had happened to them?

He opened his eyes in panic – only to be met by hers. He felt a cool hand on his cheek and heard her voice mumble something, but he couldn’t make out the words. He only saw those eyes. They were full of warmth, tenderness and – concern. He watched her speak to him without listening to a single word she said. Her eyes were red and sore, she looked tired and there was a weird imprint on her face, probably from the covers…But what was she doing here?
Then he looked around. Scanning the room, it slowly came back to him – the fall, the sharp pain and the numbness…
Katie reached for his cheek and turned him towards her again preventing him from a panic attack. She gently whispered to him and stroked his cheek. A few minutes later, a nurse and a doctor came in.

For a few minutes the doctor spoke, but Orlando only heard parts of it. “severely heard your back…might not be able to walk…”
Orlando froze. What?

He was unable to form the words, but everyone knew what he was thinking. And the doctor started talking again. He seemed to be trying to explain something which confused Orlando even more.

After the doctor had left, he stared at Katie, as if she could make it all right again. She pressed his hand. At least he could feel that.
Then she started speaking again, the warm tone of her voice soothed him immediately. “Hey, Orlando, come on. I know you will be alright again. We’ll fix that. You do some physiotherapy and in a coupla weeks you’ll be playing rugby again.”
“I’ve never played rugby.”
“So what, then you’ll start.”
He smiled, despite the hopelessness of his situation. Had the doctor just told him, that he wouldn’t be able to walk again?
He must have said it aloud, because Katie answered his question. “Just calm down, he said you might not, but that there is a chance. And we will use that chance, okay?”

Orlando was too tired to use any chances at the moment, except for the one of going to sleep. His eyes started fluttering and things around him became darker again.

“Sleep, now, go get some rest. You’ll need it.” She whispered and kept on playing with his hair.

*

Orlando slowly opened his eyes. His neck was stiff and hurt badly. He shivered. He was just about to wrap himself up in his blanket again, when he heard the movement upstairs.
He had fallen asleep in the living-room again.
Slowly he got up and went p to Katie’s room. He knocked on the door. No reply. But he heard her moving. He opened it quietly and as he had expected, she was in front of the mirror pacing up and down. Orlando went up to her and carefully pulled her towards him. Her eyes were open, but he knew she wasn’t really there. He directed her back towards the bed and ordered her to lie down, just as the therapist had told him. Her arms were cold and so he wrapped her up in her covers again. He was reluctant to lie down beside her knowing that he had not felt her body this close ever since she had been in the hospital. But her hand was clinging to him, so he stayed. He slipped under the cover and snuggled up to her.

She felt so cold. How long had she been standing there?

He whispered soothing words, but rather to calm himself down, as he knew she could not hear him. Finally, she had calmed down a bit. He body relaxed and her breath came regularly. He still held her as he didn’t want her to sleepwalk again. She had done that ever since the accident – even in the hospital.
He was tired and worn out – overcome by his grief. And as if that was not enough, he felt endlessly guilty. If he had been there that day, maybe…
Maybe if he had not been a famous actor….

All those maybes were swirling around in his head confusing him more and more each day. He felt his loss inside every single day, and it hurt. It hurt so bad that sometimes he felt as if he couldn’t breathe anymore – as if his heart was torn away from him. But all this grief was overcome by his worry about Katie.
She was miserable. She hardly spoke or touched anybody. As angelic as her face looked now, that she was peacefully asleep, as grave it would look as soon as she woke up. Her eyes were broken. The bright sparkle in them had been diminished.

He sighed deeply, desperately clinging to her body, but even now, he could feel her slipping away from him. Her physical shape was still there, but her mind was somewhere else, in a world were he couldn’t reach her. Sometimes she behaved as if nothing had happened. She wanted to be strong for him and show him that she was alright, but every night that he took her back to bed like this, he just knew, that he was loosing her.

She hardly ever touched him. All the gentleness in her voice had faded away, all the lively spirits had left her. She scarcely even looked at him. Those few minutes at night was the only time when he actually got to see her eyes again. And it stung him. Every time. Over and over again.

He saw it. He saw his face. His son’s face. Those piercing green Stratford eyes that never permit anybody to look away. Every time he looked at her, he saw his son. And as much as he tried to love her, he just couldn’t help it. He knew that she was suffering far beyond anything he was able to imagine, but still, no matter how hard he tried, he could not hold on to her.

There were no more tears left in him to cry. No more rage to scream. It was all gone. He felt weak and tired and all he wanted was to sleep. But he knew that it would haunt him. He knew he would see them in his dreams and then wake up to this cold.

He did not blame her. Not in the least. He blamed himself. The guilt was eating him up from the inside. Even now he could feel it poke around in his belly.
Katie stirred in his arms. She snuggled up closer to him, so close that he felt her breath on his shoulder. He inhaled her scent and gave in to its soothing effect on him. Slowly, he felt his body relax. His limbs turned numb, and finally a merciful darkness rushed over him.

*

Katie opened her eyes. The first thing she noticed every morning was that the bump was gone. Once that thought had popped into her head, she wouldn’t be able to think about sleep again. She turned to look at Orlando. He still slept peacefully. She wanted to touch him, but was afraid to wake him. He looked older than usual. He frowned even now in his dreams.

Every time she saw him, she just wanted to cry. She wanted to throw herself into his arms and let it all out. She wanted to scream, shout and rage and then just fall into his embrace and cry there, just as he had done in the beginning.
But she couldn’t.
She was not in the position to do that. She had lost his child.
She had failed in her duty as a mother. She had failed to protect her son.
And she had caused this terrible grief in Orlando. She was the source of this pain.

And still, every night he stood up and took her back into bed. He usually stayed with her then, so she knew when she had been sleepwalking again.
He had never told her what she was doing and how she woke him nearly every night. But then again, she had never asked. She wasn’t sure if she wanted to know. If she could handle the truth. And he kept silent.

Did she deserve him? Did she deserve the attention of this man after what she had done to him?
He shielded her from everything that would disturb her in some way. He protected her, wouldn’t let anyone come close to her.

But she knew.
She knew that there were dozens of reporters outside their house every day, she knew that the therapist was immensely worried about her mental state and she knew that Jamie called in nearly every day.

But Orlando even kept him away from her, knowing that it would disturb her too much.
She had managed to hurt both of them. The two men in her life that meant more to her than anything else, the two men who had been her best friends for years. What had she done to them?

How could she look into the mirror and not despise herself for what had happened when she caused this grief? She was the reason for all this. And there was no way she would ever make it right again…
- 15
- 16
- 17
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Bittersweet