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Aberrance	By : MementoxMori Category: Dir en grey > Het - Male/Female Views: 8660 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction. I do not know the members of Dir en grey. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 15
- 16
- 17
Hey guys! Here you go...the next installment of the ongoing saga ^_^ This is considerably shorter than most of my chapters but the only other thing I could think of to put in this chapter would be Shinya telling the others about his visit with Kyo and I decided that would be rather redundant and wouldn't serve much of a purpose in the end. I would like to take the time to thank my wonderful friend Sam for her ideas and input regarding this chapter. ILY! Thanks to anyone else that helped me out that I might be forgetting lol. Inspiration came from The Pledge by Dir en grey. Ok enough of my babbling..on with the story! Hope you enjoy! Happy New Year!! *hands everyone a bottle of rum*

Shinya stood in the hallway staring at the door to Kyo's apartment while trying to organize his thoughts as best he could. He felt the responsibility weighing heavily on his shoulders. His visit would be the one to set the tone for how the others would be received, if they would be welcomed at all. He bit down on his lip. Knowing how tempermental his friend was, one wrong word could send him over the edge in the worst possible way. You can do this Shinya...think of Tristan and Jae. Drawing in a breath, he slowly reached up and tapped his knuckles against the door. There was a shuffling from inside and then the door swung open. Shinya took in the face of his long-time friend. His trademark mask of indifference was nowhere to be found and when their eyes met, the younger man was taken aback by the emotions so prominently displayed there.
"Hey Shinya, come on in" Kyo said almost inaudibly as he stepped aside. Shinya offered a small smile as he slipped past Kyo into the apartment, toeing off his shoes and taking a seat on the couch. "Can I get you something to drink?" The younger one shook his head and patted the couch trying to coax the other man to join him. He apprehensively took a seat next to his friend. Judging from Kyo's state, Shinya decided it would be better to engage in small talk rather than dive right into a conversation on a very touchy subject. He told Kyo about various things, the conversation skirting around the topic of Tristan and Jae but never quite touching on it directly. He kept a watchful eye on him the entire time, gauging his reactions and making simple observations about his behavior in general. He knew Kaoru would ask him about it when he got back so he was careful to take a mental note of everything. When he glanced at him again, he was surprised to see two lone teardrops sliding down his cheeks.
"Kyo? What's wrong?" He instinctively scooted closer.
"My son, Shin...how is my son?" he asked, voice trembling with emotion.
Shinya pursed his lips. "I'm not going to sugarcoat this for you Kyo; he's miserable. The first night we stayed there Tristan woke up in the middle of the night crying for you. Jae came into the room and rocked him back to sleep." He paused as a choked sob was emitted from Kyo. He reached over and rubbed his back soothingly. He hated this but it had to be done. "I can see a change in him. He's becoming more angry as time passes. Angry with you, but more importantly, angry with himself. He thinks crying makes him weak and he's been doing quite a lot of it lately. Then he hates himself for displaying that weakness." Kyo clutched at his own arm, ready to tear his flesh with his nails, but Shinya grabbed his hand and held it tightly. He looked at his friend through his tears.
"He's so much like me Shin...so much like his father...his father..." Kyo sobbed loudly then, the dam of emotions he'd been hiding for weeks finally breaking down. "I'm so sorry...so sorry for abandoning my family." He cried hard, his body shaking violently. "I'm so sorry for hurting Tristan, my boy...my baby boy...oh God what have I done?!" he screamed out as he clung to Shinya, crying out the truth that was embedded in his very soul. "Jae...my love, I'm so sorry for causing you pain, for hurting you in ways that are unforgivable. This is all my fault. It wasn't you, it was never you, my sweet angel. The blame lay with me. I was so happy when I saw him, I knew then that he was mine. I wanted to give you something to remember me by that night and I did. I gave you a son. Our son. Our family. I love you both so much. I didn't think it was possible to love anything or anyone so completely." He paused to take a breath and to try and put an end to his crying but his tears just kept cascading down his cheeks of their own volition. He shuddered when the last harsh words he spoke to Jae resounded in his head, the whole scenario replaying itself like some nightmare he couldn't escape. "I'm so sorry for getting angry and saying those horrible things. I didn't mean them, you know that right? I love you so much Jae, more than my own life" he choked out pathetically between sobs. "I'm so sorry...for everything" he whispered and took in a shaky breath. Shinya patted his back and Kyo jerked his head up as though he forgot his friend was even there.
"When I came here today, I thought I would have to convince you to go see them, or at least call. But now I realize that you just need help getting the nerve up to do so. Am I right?"
The smaller man sat up completely and rubbed his eyes with the backs of his hands. "It's not that simple Shin. Those things I said to her...hell you were there so you know. How do I even begin to apologize for something like that? She probably hates me now anyway."
"The funny thing is that she thinks the same things of you. She doesn't know how to apologize for not telling you about Tristan and with you staying away so long she assumes your friendship is over and that you want nothing to do with her. Tristan also feels that you are rejecting him. Do you know what Kaoru told me the other day? He said that Tristan told him that Hitomi was right when she said he was a mistake. You aren't going to let him go on thinking that are you Kyo?"
Kyo's eyes widened. "He's not a mistake! He's my son! I've never wanted to hit a woman so much as I do right now. It's a good thing she isn't here or else I may do something that I most likely wouldn't regret. I still can't believe she said something like that to him. Where the hell does she get off treating my family with such disrespect?" His eyes narrowed and he clenched his jaw. His expression softened as he turned to look at his friend, remorse shining through his eyes. "Shin, how am I going to do this? How do I even begin to fix all the mistakes I've made?"
"Well first, you need to stop trying to fix what isn't broken. You and Jae's friendship is just as strong as it was before, it's just a little different now. There's an ackwardness there that was caused by your fifteen year separation. Watching you two interact, seeing the love between the both of you even during the rough times...some people search a lifetime for what you and Jae share and never find it. You'd be a fool to let it slip away. Maybe you're thinking too hard on this, or maybe you're searching for answers in the wrong place. Listen to your heart Kyo, sometimes it does know better than your head." He smiled reassuringly and gave Kyo's shoulders a gentle squeeze.
He nodded. "Thanks for coming over Shin, it really means a lot to me."
"I just want you to be happy Kyo, all of us do. I think I know what would make you happy and deep down I'm sure you do too. Don't let your insecurities get in the way of what you want."
He nodded quickly and swallowed past the lump in his throat. In a rare display of affection, he reached out and gave Shinya a strong hug. He knew the younger man was right. He had let his insecurities get in the way before, and in his opinion, it almost cost him everything he ever cared about. Saying goodbye to Shinya at the door, he watched him walk out and then shut the door quietly behind himself. The only thing left to do was figure out how to do the right thing.
As he left Kyo's apartment and ventured back towards his temporary home at Jae's, his only hope was that he said something that would be of use to his friend.
- 15
- 16
- 17
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Aberrance