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Endless Rain	By : Kimigurl Category: J-Rock/J-Pop & K-Pop > S.K.I.N. Views: 1690 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction. I do not know the members of S.K.I.N or Dir en Grey. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 15
- 16
- 17
AN: Hey! Okay, so I wanted to have a few moments with a few of the members of Dir en Grey so I chose the two most serious. Whom I love.

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Chapter 15
Confide

Yoshiki awoke in the middle of the night, it wasn’t so unusual. He’d been like that since he was 10 years old. He’d always woken up in the middle of the night and never being able to get any sleep. Eventually he made it work in his favour.
He’d use the time to his advantage, writing songs, finishing homework, creating a business plan...regular kid stuff.
Now, he’d usually go downtown to his office and work the night away. Or he’d go downstairs and practice on his piano. However this time he wasn’t woken by chance or coincidence.
He woke because he’d automatically reached for a body beside him and felt nothing but cold sheets and blankets. His eyes opened droopily as his arm extended further to try to find the body.
Nothing.
He sat up and rubbed his eyes lightly “Kaiora?” he called in a whisper.
He didn’t want to be too loud. Dir en Grey had excepted his offer to stay the night, usually that meant allot of drinking however with Kaiora’s condition all parties decided it best to disperse for the night...in other words they took the party elsewhere.
He stood up and walked into the hallway searching for Kaiora. It was there that he heard soft muffled voices. He padded softly along the hallway and sat directly above the kitchen. He then listened very closely.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

“My favourite movie is Antwone Fisher” Kaiora told him “I like the drama, and how he was able to meet his family that loved him in the end.”
She dug her spoon into the ice cream bucket in front of her.
“I’ve always liked sci-fi” Kyo replied picking at the chicken in front of him.
“I like sci-fi too” she told him “Alien, and The Fifth Element are the ones I can’t get enough of. I take it you believe in Aliens?”
Kyo nodded “It’s stupid to believe that we’re the only living beings in a never ending universe.”
She smiled “I agree.”
There was a comfortable silence for awhile before Kyo broke it. “Can I ask you a personal question?”
She nodded “Go ahead...however I reserve the right, not to answer you.”
He smirked “Fair enough.”
He looked into her eyes “Can you tell me...why you’re here?”
She straightened “It wasn’t explained?” she asked.
“Not specifically” he replied “We were told that you’d just woken up from a coma...”
She coughed “...a coma...I suppose?”
Kyo watched as her eyes became vacant. Like she was staring not at him, but through him.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Corrin slammed the ice cream between them “There’s you maple walnut” he told her “Now tell me what’s wrong.”
She sniffled as she stuck her spoon into the frozen dessert. “It’s nothing” she said as she began to nibble on the ice cream.
“Oh come on!” he demanded “you’ve got me here giving you ice cream, and bringing over chick flicks. You HAVE to tell me what’s wrong.”
Her depressed expression turned to confusion “Chick flick?”
“Yes, and you’re lucky that ‘Charlie and the Chocolate Factory’ is somewhat bearable.”
The confusion continued “Corrin” she said “...Charlie and the Chocolate Factory’ is a children’s movie.”
“Well Johnny Depp looks like a girl so I figured...”
“You just don’t want to watch a real chick flick” she told him “You couldn’t even man up for me.”
Corrin’s expression turned to one of insult “Excuse me!” he demanded, he then made hard gestures towards the ice cream and slammed the movie on the table.
Looking down at the DVD she squinted her eyes at the title. It read ‘Chocolate’.
It was one of her favourites, she’d gone to see it in theatres with Corrin, but he complained about it so much she could never watch it with him. “That’s not ‘Charlie and The Chocolate Factory’” she told him.
He shrugged as he took a wide scoop of the ice cream and shoved it in his mouth “I could pretend it is” he mumbled with a full mouth.
He swallowed before turning “You’re not going to tell me what’s wrong are you?”
She turned with a trembling lip “I heard Yoshiki’s got a girlfriend!” she sobbed.
Corrin starred at her in horror.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

She let out a small laugh at the memory. “Are you okay?”
She turned once again the vocalist beside her “Yes” she smiled “Sorry...I let my head get away from me...it happens.”
Kyo smiled and nodded, however when her eyes went vacant again he began to worry, until she spoke “His name was Corrin” she said “he was my best friend. I grew up with him. I was always with him. There wasn’t a day that went by that we didn’t’ talk or see each other, for 23 years...” a tear ran down her cheek “...and now he’s gone.”
A thickening silence wove over the two, “I regressed into myself for 3 months...no one thought I would wake up again...be normal again” she swirled the spoon in her hand “the truth is...I didn’t want to wake up, I could’ve stayed like that until the day I died if it meant never seeing him again. Never hearing his voice, watching him smile, calling him on the phone, going to movies...the mere thought of it is...unbearable sometimes.”
She felt a deep sharp pain in her heart; she clutched her chest and suddenly felt the air become very thin.
When she grabbed her chest and drops her spoon Kyo pulled his chair closer to her and wrapped an arm around her.
She shook her head “I’m sorry” she whispered.
Kyo shook his head “I’m sorry” he replied “I didn’t mean to upset you.”
She turned and nuzzled her head into his chest.
The two stayed still until Kaiora pushed away with a small laugh “You wanted to know...”
Kyo nodded “I did” he replied “I’m sorry for your loss.”
She wiped her eyes before turning to her ice cream “Most people kind of freak out.”
He nodded going back to his chicken as well. “I’m not the ‘freak out’ type” he said.
He didn’t really know how to tell her, but then again perhaps it was not his place to tell. Such secrets are best revealed by those who kept them, and he only knew about it.
He’d been silent the whole trip, he’d been silent ever since he’d heard about the circumstances; and initially Kyo had been worried about him. Much like he’d expected the other members of S.K.I.N to be worried about Yoshiki. “I don’t’ scare that easy” he told her.
She smiled “I’m glad.”
“What’s going on?”
The two separated when they heard Kaoru’s voice.
Kaoru took in the scene before him, the ice cream with spoons, the half eaten chicken, the two partially embraced, and finally the tear streaks on Kaiora’s face. His shoulders slumped slightly “I see” he whispered.
“We were having ice cream” Kaiora told him “...obviously.”
Kyo gave a small yawn “I’m actually going back to bed” he said “Not been feeling too good lately, a good night sleep should help it.”
Kaiora turned and smiled “Thank-you” she whispered.
He smirked “Any time.”
He then hopped off the stool he was on and strutted out of the kitchen “Oyasumi nasai” Kaiora called.
“Ja-mata” came his reply.
Kaiora then began to clean her area, she put Kyo’s spoon in the sink and wiped up the area they had been sitting at. “Would you like some ice cream Kaoru-san?”
Kaoru stood staring at her, “No thank-you” he replied “I think I’ll head to bed too.”
She nodded “Oyasumi nasai”
He nodded and turned to leave “Conceived Sorrow” he heard her call.
“Excuse me?” he asked.
“Can you tell Kyo?” she asked “My answer is Conceived Sorrow.”
He tilted his head in question, and she leaned on the counter “He asked, what my favourite song of yours is” she told him “Conceived Sorrow.”
Kaoru turned around to face her then walked up to the counter “May I...ask you a question?” he asked.
She nodded.
“How...” he thought over his words “How were you able...to let it go?” he asked “The pain.”
She sighed. The question reminded her of that night, when she asked Yoshiki.
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“It really doesn’t stop does it?”
“Pardon?”
“The world; it keeps turning no matter what. I suppose after the billions of years of existence, countless species growing and dying away, one death doesn’t mean too much to it. No matter what it will keep going. We have no choice but to step forward.”
“Yeah, it’s strange that even as your world stops, this one keeps going.”
“You look down one day and the next time you look up three months have past and the image in the mirror has completely changed...Yoshiki?”
“Yes?”
“Does...does it get better?”
“Better?”
“I know that you once lost someone important to you. Your best friend. And I know that because of it you retreated for a year...does it get better? Does the pain lessen as the years go by? Or do you just...learn to live with it?”
“Sometimes...Sometimes it’s unbearable. Sometimes it’s as fresh as the first day you felt it. But most times, most times I find that I can deal with it. There will be a time when you can look back and smile at all the memories you have, when you can laugh at them instead of cry. I hope that day comes for you soon; because the pain I’ve seen you in is a hundred times worse than mine was. And knowing the pain I felt the day hide died and the years that followed after is almost unbearable themselves to think of.”
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“I never did” she told him thumbing the ice cream “After all. I knew him my whole life. I spent almost every waking moment with him...and now he’s gone. I’ll never see him again...”
This was a bit much for her, she could feel her panic begin to rise, however she knew that she would have to hold it together, she took a deep breath.
Kaoru watched as she went silent for a moment and thought perhaps he’d pushed her too far. He worried about upsetting her. However she kept talking after a moment.
“However” she whispered “I found something that fills that whole inside of me. Momentarily...but that’s enough. It will never be able to cure the fear and the pain inside of me, just lessen it.”
“What is that?” Kaoru asked.
She stared passed Kaoru in the living room; she saw a reflection of the piano that Yoshiki played. “Music” she whispered.
The way she said the word, as if speaking of the saviour of her soul sent goosebumps down his body. It was whisper, like a breeze, but it rocked him still.
“Four weeks ago I began to remember” she carried on “I began to remember things. Before then...it’s a blur, a big blob of almost nothing. But then, out of the mist there’s a memory. In this memory there is a stage, on this stage there is a bench and an instrument, on bench there is a man, and this man is playing a song.”
Her brown eyes turned to bore into the eyes of the man sitting next to her, “This song is beautiful” she whispered “It is this song that lights mist; I hear this song at night in my head. It’s done so beautifully and played so gracefully it helps to numb the pain. With its melody, and its tune, it brings beauty and life into my soul and helps to heal it.”
Kaoru swallowed to moisten his mouth “Wh-Whos’ playing the song?” he asked.
She gives a gentle smile “Yoshiki” she replied.
Kaoru nodded “His music does seem to help others” he said.
“It woke my soul when it was nearly dead” she told him “I’ll forever be indebted to him for it.”
Kaoru thought over her words before straitening and turning to look her in the eyes “Are you in love with Yoshiki?” he asked.
The question was not an unusual one to hear. She’d expected to hear it sooner or later, but not from the one that was asking. She’d thought about it often, about how she truly felt about him. And if it was truly HIM she felt anything for, Yoshiki had always been beautiful to her. He’d always seemed kind, and strong, and had an unquestionable ability to create something beyond the word beauty through music.
Without a doubt one year ago she could have answered that questions without thinking. Now...now she didn’t know. Was it Yoshiki that she loved? Or was it the music? Was it the monster that she yearned for, or the one that created it? Could she love both the same? Yoshiki and Sugizo both admitted to loving music like a man loved a woman, but could she love two men? The father and the son?
“I know that I love what he creates” she said “There is nothing more beautiful and sexual than when I hear him play, or hear the songs he writes...but as for him? I’m not to sure yet,” she let out a deep sigh “I don’t know if I cling to Yoshiki because he’s a scapegoat from Corrin, or if I truly care for HIM. Not to say that I don’t feel anything at all for Yoshiki, that’s not the case. But...love? Can I love another human being again? Can I give myself to someone entirely without holding back? I don’t’ know...I’ve only done it with one person before...I don’t’ know if I could do it again...if I have the strength.”
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The words were a swift and hard sting to his heart. He knew she was fragile, and that it would take awhile for her to fully return what he had given. But still, to hear her say it was almost dream crushing. On the other hand...he’d hoped within the time they’d spent together that he’d helped to heal her, and when she spoke of his music, he knew that goal had been met. He remembered the following day, after he’d snuck down to play on the piano in the lounge, that she had begun to come out of her shell, and looked somewhat alive. But he never dreamed it was HIM that caused that. It made his heart swell. If there was one being in this universe that he would not mind giving her up to, it was that which had saved him the same way. Music.
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Kaoru thought over her words, he must have been a good 10 years older than her, but her words were 100 years older than him. At her young age she’d already lived a lifetime. And he could feel the sadness inside of her. He himself knew that apart of him could never fully give all it had to another, he lived in fear of losing everything and gaining nothing. In front of him was someone that had lived his worst fear.
And she’d barely survived. They’d been shown pictures of each of the girlish and he had to admit they were all quite beautiful. However when he saw her for the first time earlier that evening, he’d realized just how hard she had suffered. She was a shadow of her former self, she’d lost a great deal of weight, her face was pale and hard, and her eyes. Her eyes were dim to say the least, cold and unemotional. He’d seen a brief hint of life in them when she spoke of music and of Yoshiki. But it left quickly and dullened as her story continued. “I’m sorry for your loss” he told her honestly.
She smiled “Thank-you.”
“Have you told any of this to Yoshiki?”
She let out a sigh “You’re full of hard questions aren’t you?” she asked “I kind of feel like I’m on Oprah.”
“Are you saying I look like a black woman?”
Her smile widened, before it fell “No” she replied “I haven’t told him...in truth. I haven’t’ talked about any of this since...well...I’m afraid to tell or talk to him.”
“Why?”
She sighed. “I don’t want to bring him into my problem. What Yoshiki and I have is between Yoshiki and I. Not Yoshiki, me, hide and...well you know.”
Kaoru suddenly felt for the first time as if he’d led his band astray. It was the first time since meeting Yoshiki that he truly was afraid of pulling the others into his drama. When they had met 10 years ago Yoshiki had been trying to escape from his past and was using Dir en Grey to do that. He was nothing but a producer.
Now...now he wasn’t to sure.
It wasn’t till he felt the arms slide around him that he remembered where he was.
Kaiora leaned back and kissed his cheek “I want to thank you Kaoru” she said “You and Kyo, you’ve both helped me allot this night. I want you to know I really appreciate it.”
Kaoru was still in shock over the hug when she pulled back “I think it’s time for me to get to bed” she told him “Good-night.”
He then turned and watched her leave.
He then heard another person enter the kitchen. He turned to see Kyo leaning over the sink “Kyo?” he asked “How long were you and Kaiora...”
His voice ended the moment Kyo started puking into the sink.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Hide replayed the same chords. He stopped, “One more time” he said.
He replayed the cords once more “One more time.”
Heath leaned back as he lit up a cigarette and inhaled deeply “How many times is that?”
Pata raised an empty bottle “I hadn’t even opened this one when he started.”
“If the fans could see he’s just as bad as Yoshiki” Heath smirked.
Pata nodded as he lifted his own guitar.
“That’s good” Yoshiki called absentmindedly “On to the next part.”
Hide, Pata, and Heath watched as Yoshiki pushed several different buttons, before turning around and shifting madly through a stack of papers behind him. Pata shook his head as he entered the booth “Pata are you drunk?” Yoshiki asked irritatingly as he spun around once again.
Pata brushed off Yoshiki’s tone as he lifted his guitar and plugged it in. “I didn’t hear a response” came Yoshiki’s voice again.
Pata turned up “I’ve been drunk for the past 18 years Yoshiki” he replied “a few more days won’t kill you.”
That remark even caused Heath to take a deep breath. Pata was not someone to loose his head, however Yoshiki’s attitude over the past few months had been almost unbearable. He’d been irritable and annoyed, snapping at almost everyone who talked to him.
It had been getting to the other members however more to Pata than anyone. Pata himself had been trying hard to hold himself back from expressing his feelings. He’d been there since the beginning of XJAPAN, even before Heath and hide, and he understood Yoshiki’s frustrations over Toshi’s decision to leave the band after almost 20 years. However, he did not agree with Yoshiki’s method of complete banishment of all things ‘Toshi’ from the group.
Toshi was not just Yoshiki’s friend. Yes they had known each other since they were 5 but that did not matter anymore. Pata had known Toshi since he was a teenager and did not like the idea of Yoshiki simply cutting the vocalist out of all their lives because the man finally had decided to live his own life.
Pata and Yoshiki stared each other down before Yoshiki spoke again “Just play” he said through gritted teeth.
“It’s what we do” Pata replied.
Both knew the sentence was more of accusation towards the leader than a statement. ‘It’s what we’re here for’ was what he was saying ‘we’re here to play for you Yoshiki. Right? We’re only here for you and no one else.’
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Pata sighed, he had to admit. He gave Yoshiki a pretty hard time after Toshi left the band, and he didn’t stop. After the Last Live he was pretty sure that Yoshiki was about to replace him. However hide was able to talk some sense into the hot headed drummer. And at the same time hide talked to him. He shook his head. It was strange how hide had that ability, everyone thought he was just he joker of the group. The one that liked to party, but then again no one would’ve guessed Pata himself had been so adamant to piss Yoshiki off.
He chuckled to himself, he’d always been so passive, however playing around with the great leader like that was quite fun. He saw why Taiji, and hide liked to do it so much.
“Excuse me” he turned to the stewardess that passed by “May I ask how much longer until decent?”
“We’ll be arriving in another 14 hours” she replied “How long are you staying in LA?”
He shook his head “Just for a few hours, I’ve got another plane heading to New York.”
She smiled “Well I wish you good luck.”
“Thank you” he nodded “I’ll defiantly need it.”
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AN: This is actually the last time you’ll hear about Pata for awhile. And it will be about 2 more chapters before they commence on tour.
Review and you shall receive! Later! Also in favour of the time line and plot I’ve re edited the chapter `Found and Reason` just a tiny one...you’ll have to look for it. And may not even find it. LOL.
- 15
- 16
- 17
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Endless Rain