Adult-FanFiction.org : Celebrity

I'm Not Gay	By : PunkyEmoFreak Category: Singers/Bands/Musicians > Tokio Hotel Views: 2061 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction. I do not know the members of Tokio Hotel. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 15
- 16
- 17
|| Tom’s POV ||

Things had only taken a turn for the worst. They said that Bill’s visit with me, since it was unsupervised, and no one knows what actually happened, and I refused to give details, did not count. So not only did I not gain the level I was supposed too, I went down a level. Back in my room I was stuck. Dreading each and every day that was passing by too slowly. I never thought this could get any worse. But I still had some hope. I knew I would see Bill, and he would help me figure out how to fix this.

But Saturday came and went like it was any other day and Bill never came to see me. I was counting on my twin for strength. Strength to know I could really get threw this hell. His help to figure out all of this shit. It seemed impossible to do anymore. Maybe he just got caught up in something this week? So I tried to do it for myself right now, get better and up another level to give Bill something to be proud of when he came back next week. I tried eating everything they gave me too, but I could no longer even make it to the bathroom before my stomach turned and everything that I had jest forced down came back up. Down another Level. Level Zero once again. I didn’t know what I would do.

I was spinning down in a roll of depression I couldn’t get out of. Prozac had been doubled, but no one worried to much about me. Why would they? I wasn’t like anyone else here… was I? I wrote to Bill once, he never wrote back. It was almost two weeks ago that I saw him. Two weeks ago I had left the claiming marks that were sure to be gone by now. I missed him so much I felt my heart aching with an over whelming pain that hadn’t ever been there before. And when Saturday came and went by once again, and still no Bill- not even a try to see me from Hailey or Urie, I knew I could no longer handle this. I was loosing a battle with the Devil. Maybe he wanted me now for some reason? I don’t know what I did to deserve this though.

I had been hiding the pills they would give me for my anger problems, my depressions, in a small crack in the floorboard under my bed. No one knew they were there. I stayed quiet. Never talked. They told me at this rate I would never be out of this place. I was okay with that. What did I have to live for anymore? No Bill, no reason to get out of here. Maybe him seeing was a ploy of his and Andreas’ to ruin me. Maybe they left here and laughed so hard they cried at how stupid I was to let myself get cracked like that.

Maybe Bill never actually loved me.

Riley was doing better then I was. She was near Level Five now, so she was allowed to come see me. “I’m going back to Nana’s, Tom. You were supposed to do this with me.” How could I now? I was a Zero. No better then someone who had just gotten here. She was angry. I could tell, but I couldn’t do anything about that. I told her I was sorry, she said she was too. “Do what you think is best… I can tell you’re not happy.” She whispered to me, kissing the side of my head as she slipped something into my hand before she got up and left.

Riley Jane James, free from this hell. I was both jealous and not at the same time. Jealous because she was free to do what she pleased. Jealous she wasn’t stuck in the four walls of this room. Of any room. Not because I didn’t have to go back to a life I didn’t want to go back too. I looked at my hand only to see a bunch of bigger white pills there. The last of her Oxy stash… I counted them out, ten of them. Eighty milligrams a piece. Eight hundred Milligrams of the Oxycotton and too much Prozac to even count. I now know what Riley meant by ‘Do what you think is best.’ She knew I had hidden my other pills. Get rid of them. Take them. Should I even consider it? I was so small it wouldn’t take them all. But I would take them all. Every. Last. Pill.

I asked for some water, they brought it to me without a problem. “Try not to throw it up this time, Besuch.” He hissed at me, handing me the bottle of water I requested. I cringed at the name. No. Not Besuch. Kaulitz. Tom Kaulitz. But I just nodded and said nothing. I wouldn’t throw it up. I wouldn’t ever throw up again. I would make myself keep this water down with the pills that would be my ultimate escape.

As the hour grew darker and the last round of people came to make sure I was sleeping, I pulled my secret stash of many pills from under the floorboard of my bed. I remembered what Riley once told me. ‘Don’t take them all at once. It will send an over shock to your system and you’ll just throw it all up anyways. Take one or two, wait about five minutes, and take another. Until they’re gone. You’ll fall into a dreamless sleep and… never wake up. Just don’t get caught and you’ll be free. Dying really isn’t so bad. I’ve almost died twice.’

Never wake up. It’s what I wanted at this point. I popped two of the pills, downed with a little water. They stayed down. Wait a few minutes. Took another one. Wait. Two more. I continued my little exercise until I had consumed all the pills. My mind went foggy as soon as I lay down on the bed. The drugs pumping threw my veins like the cure for me they were until my eyes glassed over and fell shut, my mind shut down and my heart stopped beating. Never to wake again.

I awoke with a start, sweat drenching my face and body as I took in a few grateful breaths. Breathe in. Breathe out. I looked down at the ground, concrete. No floorboards in sight. I looked at the clock that held the date and time they had on the wall. Five in the morning. Sunday. Bill had only been a few hours ago. The sting from his nails on my back were more proof of that.

It was just a dream. An awful dream. I had been granted the level up. Riles and I were both on Level Three now. Pasic told me so after they dragged my twin away from me. I could tell she was curious about my reddened lips, but I said nothing about them, so neither did she. I ate dinner tonight, sitting at a table with only Riley. I ate it all too, and to my surprise, with enough will-power. I kept It down. I was going to get out of here. I was going to be with Bill. I’m not so sure how yet, but we’ll make it happen if we have to run away together.

I heard foot-steps walking by my room, I didn’t bother to pretend I was asleep. Waking up early wasn’t a crime here. But to my surprise, they walked right into my room. “Besuch,” I scowled at the name and he rolled his eyes, “Whatever. Good thing you’re awake. Someone’s called. They say it’s major important they talk to you right away. Let’s go.”

I didn’t stop from getting up from my bed, still sweaty and sticky- I wanted a shower badly. But that could wait. I follow David Jost out of my room to where the phones were and he let me sit and pick up the phone. “Hello?” I said in a confused tone, who on earth would be calling me here? The G-strings thought I was in Juvi.

“Tomi?” I heard the choked out sob from the under end. Bill. Why was he crying? “You’re alive!” He cried out into the receiver of the phone. “Oh god, Tomi, I just had the worst dream ever.” He wouldn’t stop talking for a second for me to get a word in, just talked. Explained his dream. I was in shock. Bill had the same dream as me. “You are going to eat, right? You’re going to get out with Riley? You won’t k-ki-kill yourself? Right, Tomi?”

I was still in mild shock over the whole dream shit that it took me a minute to respond and I didn’t even yell at him for the name. Actually, I was starting to like hearing Bill call me it. “Billa, calm down.” I told him just keeping my voice from shaking in itself. “I’m fine. I’m going to come home. And I’m not going to do anything stupid.” I promised him. I couldn’t say the words he had with Jost behind me. Jost made a motion for me to hurry up and I nodded, “Billa, I gotta go though.” He said he understood and he loved me, “Me too, Billa. See you in a week.” I hung up with him.

“Well, since your up anyways, you might as well go take a shower before breakfast, Besuch. You stink.” He said in an annoyed tone still, I was getting ready to punch. But I couldn’t do something stupid like that. He led me to the showers and let me go in alone. For the first time in forever, I didn’t go right to the toilets to upchuck. I went and took my shower, coming out smelling like Aspen Springs soap and shampoo, not pretty, but better then the sweat smell.

xXxXx

“Twins are so cool!” Riley claimed as we sat at the breakfast table and I finished telling her about the dreams and Bill’s phone call. “Seriously, if I had a twin. I’d totally be in love too. Besides, I’m hot. So why wouldn’t I love someone just like me?” She grinned and I just punched her in the arm.

“Ass,” I hissed and she laughed. I stuffed some of the must be powdered egg shit in my mouth, trying not to gag from the taste. I said I would eat the shit, I never said I would like it. “Riles, you are the most crude, annoying, and narcissistic person I know.” I said with a roll of my eyes and she just pushed my arm and laughed.

“Yes, I’m narcissistic. But I would like to point out that you are the boy who really is in love with his twin. So you have no room to talk.” She rolled her eyes and I shrugged as she ate some more of her food.

“Except for one really big difference, you dolt. I’m in love with another person. And though our faces look the same, we look and act entirely different. He’s gay, I’m just Billsexual.” Riley had decided that was a good thing to call it, since other guys made me wanna purge. Not that I didn’t do that already, but not the point. “You, however, are honestly in love with yourself. So I don’t wanna hear it.” I said with a nod. I knew my logic was right, if not a little twisted. But hell, anything said about my and Bill is twisted, so no biggie there.

“Good point,” She couldn’t argue with that. Riley thought everything about herself. She was, what she would say, the shit. Rom that reddish-brown hair that came just past her shoulders, to her feet, which feet were gross anyways so I don’t know what she was talking about. “Oh, so, I’ve figured out how to get to Level Four.” She said with a grin and I looked over at her. Level four already? Was it possible?

“Well, obvious drug testing and weight testing is off limits for a little longer. I have to get clean and you have to gain… a lot more. But, for you, I think if you actually tell Pasic that you want to see Hailey and Urie, and then when you do, see them with her and be pleasant, maybe even call them mom and dad, then you can get up a level.” I scowled at the idea, but it was a good one. I hated her.

“And for me, I’m going to stop picking on the newbie’s. Be a pleasantry during group. Stop changing the discussion to shit all about me. I’m going to be calmer without the drugs anyways. Hey, am I allowed to go back to them after we get out of here?” She asked, she was getting them out of her system now, no wonder she was so damn hyper.

“That depends,” I said looking up at her, “Do I get to start loosing this shit weight again when we get out of here.” I win, because she frowned and hit me again. Called me an ass and I smirked. Well, plans for level four were now in motion. I’d tell Pasic today, by Saturday, I could be Level Four, Riley too. And soon after that… Five and out. I couldn’t wait.
- 15
- 16
- 17
You need to be logged in to leave a review for this story.You need to be logged in to leave a review for this story.
Report Story

I'm Not Gay