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Feeling that Way	By : KayleighSiobhan Category: Singers/Bands/Musicians > Journey Views: 5125 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not know any of the members of Journey. This story is completely a work of fiction. There is no truth to it. I make NO money from this story.

Chapter List
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Ross sat at booth at a small diner near his house. He was drinking a cup of coffee and trying to swallow some food. His mouth was still sore from where Greg hit him and his lip was swollen. He was furious about both what went down at the beach house and the reaction of the everyone else towards the two lovers. Couldn’t anyone but Ross see how depraved and sick the whole situation with those two was. How Steve was himself really to to blame for getting raped.

Ross looked at his reflection in the window of the diner. The glass distorted his image but it really did not matter. Ross knew he was not attractive. In high school he was not the guy women fantasized about taking to the prom or waited by the phone for his call. He was not particularly handsome to begin with, then a bad case of acne as a teen scarred his face. Even though he was now happily married he still was painfully aware that he was not one of the band members groupies lined up to screw.

On the other hand Greg and Steve both had a endless stream of female admirers. Greg was usually described as cute and women commented on his long curly hair, big eyes, or how amazingly well endowed he looked in his tight jeans. Steve, well there was no end to the line of chicks who wanted the vocalist in their bed. As Neal had commented several days earlier, girls loved Steve’s eyes, his hair, his voice, his body, hell they even loved his somewhat large nose. Stunning was the word most people used to describe Steve. Ross knew Steve had been picked on unmercifully growing up for being short skinny and having a huge “beak”. Due to that fact as an adult Steve often had trouble viewing himself as attractive. But reality was he and Greg could have pretty much any woman they desired. But who did they want, each other. It was maddening. And despite the fact the opinion made him unpopular with his band mates, he felt that Steve liking men sexually played a part in him getting raped. Young, attractive, long haired men leading rock bands were a dime a dozen in California at this point in time. Some of them sang for more popular bands then theirs. But Steve was the one who had some obsessed guy wanting to have sex with him, wanted it so bad he would cross any line to get it. The kidnpapper must have picked up on something in Steve’s personality, his behaviour, dress. In short the kidnapper must have know that Steve liked men somehow and assume he would be his willing lover.

At that moment Ross heard his name called. He looked up to see a young man standing by his table. Before he could speak the guy started to gush about how big a fan he was the band’s “new” sound. Ross listened quietly until the guy finished then thanked him. As he was leaving he called back “ Oh and by the way my girlfriend is nuts about Steve, best thing you guys ever did was hire him. All her friends have huge crushes on him. “ Ross sighed and then almost chuckled. If only all these chicks with "huge crushes" on Steve knew the truth. He just shook his head feeling a odd mixture of amusement and disgust. He decided he had enough to eat and threw some money on the table for the waitress’s tip then walked to the counter to pay his bill.

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It was close to dusk when Neal pulled into the beach house drive. As promised there were now two securities guards present. He got out of the car and went around to the passenger door and opened for Steve’s mother. He said “ Hold tight and I will get the your suitcase. “ He pulled the large piece of navy blue luggage out of the trunk. Mary had wanted to bring enough clothes to last several days. That way she could stay close to Steve while he recovered from his physical injuries.

Neals’ girlfriend had decided not to come back to the beach house with them. She said she rather stay in the city. She had explained her change of plans by saying that it might be hard on Steve to have so many people around. The truth though was Neal was not giving her very much attention. Thinking that made her feel selfish, and it was an emotion she did not like. After all Steve was a victim of a horrible crime, a cruel violation, that she didn’t even want to think about. He should be the center of everyone’s focus right now. However she could not help but feel Neal was going overboard. After Steve had his mother and Greg. Neal’s decision to want to stay at the beach house with the two lovers to her was just odd. At this point Neal had an incredible need to be right by Steve’ side. It was a situation that she did not want to probe too far into, the real reason behind Neal’s devotion, well the truth may be more then she could handle.

Neal unlocked the door and said to Mary I will take your suitcase to your room. She smiled at him and said” Thanks for being such a good friend to Steve” He sat the suitcase on her bed for her to unpack then went into the kitchen. He read the note Greg had left then handed it to Mary. She said “ I will start supper, Steve is going to need to eat well to heal.” Neal said “ I am going to go upstairs and let Greg know we are here. “ I hate to wake him but I don’t want them to hear us moving around down here and get scared. He slowly climbed the steps to the second floor. The pain he had felt since Steve went missing had only lessened a bit. He did not know how Greg was coping with this, because he felt like someone had ripped his heart out. He had never in his life experienced the incredible anger he felt towards Steve’s attacker. Any who would take an innocent young man and subject him to such pain and terror. For the first time in his years he knew what it was like to want to kill someone. But he pushed those thoughts out of his head. He wanted to be there for Steve, to be a support person for him. Letting him see how angry Neal was would be detrimental to his recovery. He sighed as he stood by the bedroom door and knocked softly.

A sound brought Greg out of his deep slumber. Steve was still pressed up against him, so tight it was if the smaller man was trying to crawl inside his body. He then heard Neal’s voice from behind the closed bedroom door. “It is not locked, “ he told him. Neal opened the door and said “ I am sorry to disturb you but I wanted to tell you Mary and I were back. I did not want you be startled when you heard us moving around. Mary is starting supper if you two want anything. “ I am starved, but he has not been eating much,” Greg said, looking down at Steve while he stroked his arm. He gently shook the singer to try and wake him. However when he leaned over to kiss him, Steve jumped and cried out. Still half asleep the frightened man thought he was still back with his captor. He scooted frantically across the bed before he realized where he was. Steve looked at Greg, seeing the startled expression on his lover's face. “ Greg, baby I am sorry, “ he said. He looked around and seen Neal in the doorway. “ I didn’t know where I was for a minute”. “It is alright, Steve.You are here with me and you’re safe.” Greg was quiet a minute then he said “Look your Mom is here, she is downstairs….. in the kitchen as usual.” I am going to see if she needs help, if Neal doesn’t mind sitting with you a while. “Go ahead,” Neal said “ I will be glad to keep him company.”

Neal sat down on the bed next to Steve. He was horrified to see the dark bruises around his neck. The marks were not as prominent when he first arrived at the hospital. As if reading his mind Steve said “ The doctor said they would get worse looking before they get better. He choked me because I screamed for help. But the good news is she doesn’t think my vocal cords are damaged. My voice is just rough from screaming and crying for hours. “ Steve looked down at the covers and suddenly became very interested in a piece of loose thread. Neal asked him "Steve,Didn’t you recognize him at all, not anything.” "No" Steve choked out “He wore a mask, Neal, how am I supposed to recognize him. I thought he was going to kill me. I was so scared and he just kept hurting me. For a minute when he dumped me in the van, I thought I seen his face but now I realize I must have been dreaming. No one we know could have been as horrible as he was to me. He made me feel so disgusting, Neal, I feel dirty like I can never been clean again. I don’t know why Greg even wants to be with me.” “ Oh, Steve” Neal said reaching out to touch him, just to make some connection. Steve pulled away saying “ I have to use the bathroom." He moved slowly the pain med had worn off. He knew Greg had brought a small prescription of the pill’s home along with the Valium. He decided he would ask for one as soon as Greg came back upstairs. Neal extended his hand again and said “ Let me help you.” Steve let himself be walked to the bathroom, every step was painful. When he got to the door he said “ I am alright from here.” He pulled the door closed behind him, shaking, he really wasn’t up to being by himself here and he knew it. But he couldn’t stand the thought of another man, even Neal seeing him unclothed. God even emptying his bladder hurt. Liz had told him the risk of infection was high because of having a foreign object force up inside his urethra. Steve used the bathroom and managed not to cry out at the pain. He stood at the sink washing up and suddenly looked in the mirror . He began crying, seeing not a young man who loved life and was seeing all his dreams come true. Instead he seen himself as a vile creature, filthy, forever stained and spoiled by the rape. He couldn’t live with himself anymore. He picked up a glass soap dish and slammed it hard into the mirror shattering the glass. Grabbing a huge shard with a sharp point,he positioned the glass piece to slash into his wrist.Just as he was about to cut into his skin, Neal came through the door. Alerted by the noise Neal realized instantly what had happened. He grabbed Steve to prevent him from harming himself, yelling for Greg. It turned out the be unnecessary however because he and Mary had both heard the disturbance. Steve dropped the piece of glass with a high pitched wail and began sobbing hysterically. He collapsed against Neal who found his sudden dead weight hard to handle. Greg quickly crossed the bathroom floor, and picked Steve up. He held his lover tight and carried him back into the bedroom. Neal was amazed at how calm Greg was as he layed Steve back down on the bed. He quickly looked at Steve’s hand, amazingly he had not been holding the glass tight enough for it to cut into him. Greg then climbed back on the bed wrapping his arms around his lover as tight as he could. He held him while Steve cried for at least a half an hour. Steve didn’t fall asleep, he eventually just went silent, numb. It was almost as if he was in a catatonic state . By then Neal had went into the bathroom cleaning the glass off the floor. He felt sick inside. What if Steve had locked the door, what if they couldn’t have gotten in in time. Steve would have….. Neal couldn’t even complete the thought.

Mary had set nearby watching her son, she knew Steve was in a dark place to even contemplate suicide, let alone attempt it. She wanted to be able to turn back the clock to make all the bad things that happened to Steve go away. But she knew she couldn’t. He was not a little boy anymore. She wasn’t able protect him from evil in the world. But for a few minutes she just wanted to pretend she could. “Let me hold him," she said. Greg moved over and Mary cuddled her baby in her arms, and started rocking him like he was still a small child. Greg looked at her eyes and remembered that she was suffering pain and grief deeper then his own. He said “ I am going to see if Neal needs help with the clean up". He slipped out of the room and began to weep silently. Behind him he could hear Mary softly singing to Steve, a lullaby he knew that Steve loved as a little boy. But he knew that all Steve’s innocence and childlike joy in life had been stripped away. Greg did not know how he would ever get it back.
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Feeling that Way