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Slow Motion	By : clandestinecassie Category: Singers/Bands/Musicians > Panic! At The Disco Views: 2102 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction. I do not know the members of Panic! At the Disco. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 16
- 17
- 18
thanks for the reviews and i know i suck at capitalizing and the story hasn't really been edited beyond what i try to catch but i hope you enjoy all the same.
brendon returned home at seven in the morning. by then the sun was up and bright in the sky, brendon groaned a little and wanted the darkness back. it was easier in the dark, easier to hide all the things he didn't want to see. things he didn't want to have to deal with.
he was exhausted by the time he got home. his body and mind both drained from the events of the previous night. when brendon got home ryan was still asleep. he dragged himself into the house. he sat on the couch as the quiet of his home surrounded him. his life felt darker to him now, now that pete had tried to kill himself.
brendon knew that pete could get easily depressed and he knew that pete was more then fucked up, but he never expected that. attempted suicide was the last thing he expected from pete.
brendon closed his eyes and tried to imagine what pete was thinking as he swallowed down the pills that were meant to help him. he thought about what pete's voice sounded like as he called patrick, afraid that he could slip and die at any moment.
he let out a long slow sigh and pushed himself off the couch, the heaviness in his heart and in his steps washed over him. all brendon wanted to do was sleep off the pain and hope that when he woke up he would see that the whole incident had been a bad dream.
ryan wasn't in brendon's bed this time, now brendon kinda wished he was. he wanted a body close to his, to tell him that he wasn't really alone.
brendon's sleep wasn't good. despite his utter exhaustion he couldn't fall asleep. the thoughts of seeing pete in that hospital bed and the scuffle with patrick kept clouding up his mind, keeping him awake.
he finally did fall asleep though. his dreams were dark and nothing seemed to make much sense at all. brendon woke up startled and sweating much later that day. his clock read four in the afternoon and he sighed at the fact that he had slept so long.
ryan was already awake as brendon pulled himself out of bed. the same heaviness came rushing back to him. ryan was at the table eating dry cereal. he looked up and grinned as he spotted brendon. brendon walked over behind ryan and wrapped his arms around the older boy who sat happily eating.
brendon pressed a kiss to the top of ryan's head. his light brown hair tickling against brendon's face. ryan smiled but continued eating and brendon was envious of the older boy's happiness. brendon pulled away from ryan moments later and moved into the kitchen.
again he was standing in the kitchen, infront of the sink and staring out the window that gave a view of the side of the house and the driveway.
brendon thought about eating something, but he wasn't really hungry. he thought about doing some sort of drugs but he decided against that too. his mind was too wrapped up in pete. all he could think about was the older man and how he was in the hospital. all brendon wanted to do was see him and take care of him.
brendon looked back at the clock that was blinking on the stove. it was a little after four and if brendon was right then patrick should already be at work. though it was possible that patrick had taken the day off seeing as his boyfriend was in the hospital and the fact that he had been at the hospital all night.
he settled on calling joe before he decided to rush off to the hospital. it rang five times before joe answered.
"hey, man it's brendon." brendon said lightly into the phone. joe kinda sighed a little on the other end.
"hey, bren what's up?" he asked and brendon could tell that joe was stone cold sober. it seemed that brendon wasn't the only one that pete's accident had an affect on.
"i-i uh wanted to know how pete was doing?" brendon asked, he was nervous, he didn't know if joe was upset with him for causing a scene at the hospital.
"he's doing better. he woke up so that's always good." joe said and brendon muttered out a "yeah." he was glad that pete was okay, but in that moment he was more concerned with actually seeing the older boy again.
"are you at the hospital right now?" brendon asked. he leaned back against the counter as he stared out the window.
"no, i came home to shower and get some sleep." joe began, "andy's up there now."
"oh?" brendon said. he wanted to ask about patrick but he didn't know if joe would tell him or not. "what-what about patrick?" brendon rushed out.
joe was silent again and brendon thought that he was thinking of what to say. "he's at work brendon." joe began and brendon was glad. "but if you wanna come see pete...well i don't think that's a good idea dude." joe said and he could tell by joe's tone that he felt bad for having to tell brendon this.
normally brendon might accept joe's anwser, but not today.
"joe, please." brendon began. " i have to see him! please even if it's only for a minute...i-i just wanna talk to him...please joe." brendon was begging and the sadness was heavy in his voice. joe sighed again and he knew that was a sign that the boy was giving in.
"fine brendon, just get up there quick okay? i don't need patrick finding out about this." joe said and brendon grinned and nodded even though joe couldn't see him.
brendon hung up the phone and after telling ryan he was leaving he was out the door and at the hospital in five minutes flat. he rushed to pete's floor and saw andy standing outside pete's door. andy looked tired, his brown eyes bloodshot as he looked up at brendon.
brendon thought that joe had called andy because the boy didn't question why brendon was at the hospital and he didn't stop brendon from going into pete's room.
pete was awake when he entered the room. he sat in the clean white bed, a bored look on his still pale tinged face. brendon smiled as pete looked up at him, he couldn't help it, he was so happy to see pete awake.
"brendon..." pete began and apparently no one had informed him that brendon was coming because he was surprised.
"hi, pete." brendon said as he stood just inside the room. he didn't know if pete was mad at him, fuck he had been so worried about him that he hadn't thought of what pete would say when he showed up.
brendon saw pete smile a bit, almost like it hurt him to do so. "don't worry bren, you can come closer." pete said and brendon smiled a bit wider.
"okay." he said as he moved over to pete's bedside where a red shiny chair had been pulled up. brendon sat down and watched pete. he felt like he had a million things to say but he couldn't think of where to begin. so he stayed quiet, he was going to let pete start things.
"nice bruise." pete joked as he raised a hand weakly and pressed his fingers lightly to the purpling deep bruise on his jaw, the one patrick had left.
"thanks." brendon said with a smile. he brought his own fingers up to brush against pete's, it was light and gentle, like brendon was afraid that pete would break into a million pieces if handled too roughly. "so how are you feeling?" brendon asked.
"like i got my stomach pumped." pete said and brendon knew he was trying to make the whole situation less sever by joking about it. brendon didn't think that was the right approach to take.
"you gave us all a scare pete." brendon said and his eyes fell down away from pete's face as the memories of last night flooded brendon's mind.
"yeah." pete began, his voice more serious. his fingers fell away from brendon's face and instead he took brendon's hand into his own. "i know...i'm sorry." he muttered.
brendon felt like more should be said then "i'm sorry" but he figured that pete was trying his best. pete was really fucked up and brendon had to see that it would take awhile before he was alright again.
"did patrick tell you what happened last night?" brendon asked as he brushed his fingertips against pete's palm. pete nodded.
"yeah, bet you didn't know he could punch that hard." pete joked. his eyes travling to brendon's bruise once again. "i saw his eye though, so you didn't do too bad either."
"i'm sorry...for what i said to him...last night was pretty fucked up." brendon said as the fight and the words he had yelled at patrick that made him attack came rushing back. pete shrugged it off.
"no, it's my fault really...everything that happened is my fault." pete began. "i shouldn't have cheated on him in the first place....but damn i loved you so much...and i shouldn't have put you in that position but once i got you i didn't want to let go. i shouldn't have tried to end it all when things backfired on me...it was my own fault...i'm so, so fucking selfish! i wanted all the good even when i couldn't handle the bad."
pete was barring his soul and brendon was content to sit and listen. listen to pete admit every wrong he had committed and he wanted to accept the boy's makeshift apology.
"don't be too hard on yourself pete...we're all fucked up and wrong...it's not just you." brendon said as he squeezed pete's hand. pete looked up at him with a small injured smile and his warm brown eyes held an ocean of sadness.
"patrick and the docs decided to send me to rehab..." pete said. he looked down at their entwined hands and back up at brendon's face. "so i won't be around for awhile." he added. brendon felt like there was more that pete wanted to say but he didn't .
"oh..." was all brendon said because he didn't know what pete wanted him to say.
"i want us to be friends when i get out." pete said finally and he looked back up at brendon. brown eyes on brown eyes. brendon nodded.
"that sounds good." he said with a small smile. he knew what pete was getting at, he was trying to say in the nicest way that he and brendon would never be together again.
"i feel like i owe it to patrick...to try and make it work..you know?" pete asked and again brendon nodded because he did know, but it didn't make it hurt any less.
"i know you can make it pete...you two can be happy." brendon said and it was so fucking hard to be letting go of the man he loved but he knew he had to...to save pete's life he had to let him go.
brendon decided to leave before his voice started to break and his eyes sparked with tears. "i'd better go." brendon said as he stood, their hands still locked together and brendon knew he would miss that warmth. pete looked up at him surprised at his sudden need for a departure.
"oh...okay." he said and brendon smiled at him warmly and tried his best to look like he was happy. he bent down and brushed back pete's dark hair before he placed a small soft kiss on the older boy's forehead.
brendon let go of pete's hand and turned to leave the room. he heard pete's voice as he reached the door. "i'll always love you brendon." pete said and brendon believed him and it broke his heart.
"goodbye pete." brendon responded as he left the room.
he nodded to andy on his way out and he was back in his car. surprisingly brendon did feel better now then he had before coming to the hospital. he was glad that pete was okay and he was glad that the boy was getting help, but he knew that if pete did get clean that they could never be friends. not with brendon doing drugs, it would be way too tempting to pete.
brendon headed back home and when he arrived ryan was still where he had left him. brendon turned on cartoons for ryan before he headed into the bathroom to take a shower. as he took off his jeans a small paper fell out of the pocket. brendon picked it up and examined it.
the paper was nate the bartender's number from the night before. in the events with pete, brendon had forgotten that he had the cute bartender's number at all. he smiled to himself as he recalled nate and he thought about calling him after he got out of the shower.
brendon was laying in his bed in his boxer's. his damp hair sticking to his forehead. the shower had served to relax him. he held nate's number between his two fingers, turning it gently. his cell phone lay cool on his stomach as he contemplated whether or not to call the man.
it was nearly five thirty in the evening and brendon didn't know what nate could be doing. he guessed that nate worked the third shift at the strip club so he thought that the boy would be home or sleeping.
brendon sucked up his nerves and dialed nate's number before he chickened out. it rang three times and brendon was tempted to hang up. before he could hang up brendon heard the phone pick up and the voice he remembered from last night play into his ears.
"hello?" the voice asked.
"nate?" brendon asked and he hoped his nerves weren't showing through his voice.
"that'd be me." nate said and brendon could almost picture him grinning.
"hey, it's brendon...you know from the club last night?" brendon asked.
"oh brendon, no need to remind me. i remember you." nate said his voice turning from curious to sexy. brendon grinned with his face pressed against the phone, he had a feeling that nate was a charmer but he thought that he probably wasn't as bad as pete was.
"i'm glad you remember me." brendon said lightly into the phone. he was glad to talk to someone who didn't know him, not well enough to know how fucked up he was. someone who didn't know what had happened to pete, if brendon talked to nate, he could almost will himself to believe that none of that had happened at all.
"could never forget a face like that." nate said with a little sigh and brendon though he heard the rustle of bedsheets.
"did i wake you?" brendon asked. he ran a hand through his black hair, brushing it away from his forehead.
"nah, i'd rather be talking to you anyway." nate said and brendon could almost picture the shorter boy grinning as he lay in his bed. "you're calling me so i guess you'd rather be talking to me too." nate said slyly.
"yeah, i would." brendon said with a small laugh. he felt releaved, for the first time since he had heard about pete. he actually felt that heaviness leaving him slowly, nate was right, there was no one else he'd rather be talking to.
"so brendon," nate began and brendon noted that he liked the way his name rolled off nate's tongue. "since i have you on the phone already i might as well ask if you'd like to see me tonight?" nate said and his voice was smooth and brendon liked listening to it.
brendon was only a bit taken back by nate's sudden offer of what could be considered a date but he anwsered quickly anyway.
"like a date?" brendon asked even though he thought that the question made him sound overly young. nate laughed on the other end of the phone.
"yeah, bren, a date. you and me tonight." nate said and brendon went pink at the fact that nate had called him bren.
"sure, nate, where are you taking me?" brendon cooed into the phone.
"anywhere you want brendon." nate said and brendon could tell he was smiling. brendon could also tell that yeah, nate was definitly a charmer.
the duo settled on dinner at a resturant on the upper side of town, brendon wasn't sure he could afford a dinner there but nate said not to worry, that all the expenses were on him. they hung up and brendon felt a warmth in his chest, the same kind of warmth that he had with pete, except better.
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- 18
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