Coming Home | By : SujiChan Category: Dir en grey > AU - Alternate Universe Views: 1406 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0 |
Disclaimer: I own nothing. I do not know Dir en grey. This is just a work of fiction to entertain. I make no money off of it. |
I didn’t feel any further ahead with my feelings or thoughts. I was still having dreams about the brothers, and no matter how I considered things I’d end up hurting someone. Always Die had those damn hurt and betrayed eyes, and it ripped me apart in the dreams. It was never that he stole me from Toshiya, but rather that Toshiya was trying to take me from Die. Was that how I really thought of it? Did I really think that I was Die’s?
Rolling over on my futon I reached for my cell phone, automatically dialing. It was answered quickly. “Suji?”
“Hmm,” I nodded.
“Goddamn it, woman, I’ve been trying to contact you every day since my baka brothers took you away! Where are you? Are you okay? What’s wrong?”
I rolled my eyes. “Die-san, I’m fine. I need to ask you something.” Lying there on my belly I reached a hand out and toyed with the tatami mat floor. “You always said you knew I felt something for you, even when we were younger. What did you mean? What made you think that?”
I could hear the background noise where he was fading, and knew he was moving to somewhere quieter and more private. “That day when we kissed for the very first time I knew.”
“You tricked me into kissing you!” I argued.
“Pffft,” he made a sound of disbelief. “I gave you the excuse you needed to be a willing partner.”
“Willing? I wasn’t willing! You tied me up and told me I’d stay there until you got a kiss!” I reminded him.
“And how the hell did I catch you and tie you up? Huh? You’d have ripped my arm off and beaten me with it. No, you let me catch you. Hell, even when you tried to kick me you didn’t really try hard. Just enough to say you tried.” Conceit laced his voice. “You saw me kiss that girl, and you got jealous and wanted me to kiss you instead.”
No, no, no. That wasn’t how it had gone down… had it? “I punched you when you touched me,” I whispered, feeling the haze of reminiscence starting to fall over me.
“And I never got mad at you for it,” he told me. “I was an idiot to try to touch you like that. You were a good girl, and I knew that, but that kiss was so damn sweet I lost my mind.”
We were both quiet. Both of us obviously recalling that day six years ago. Just days before finding out we were moving to America. Even though I’d been teaching Shinya how to kiss like that later that day I now realized that I’d been thinking of Die even as Shinya’s tongue touched mine. All day I thought of that kiss, and it had made me toss and turn for hours when I’d crawled into bed that night.
Blinking and shaking my head to clear my mind I recalled something. “But you behaved that day my towel fell, and in the car that night.”
“That night I knew that touching you would destroy you. It’s not how I wanted to erase the memory of those bastards. As for the day your towel fell… well, it wasn’t easy to behave. You have no idea what was going through my mind, and how close I was to losing control.”
I remembered now how he’d whispered to me to tell the others to leave and let him make love to me. His voice had been strained and urgent. Just the thought of it made me shiver again now. Again I shook my head, clearing it of the images.
“Suji.” His voice was low and pained. “I didn’t know he felt that way.”
“I know.” I didn’t want to talk about it. It was still difficult to come to terms with the whole Toshiya thing. “So, you okay? You been keeping busy at docks?”
“Come home,” he whispered. “I hate knowing you’re somewhere near, but I can’t see you. I hate not knowing if you’re okay, if you’re scared alone or…”
“I’m okay. Really. I’m not alone. I have to go,” I hurriedly told him, feeling a lump starting to form in my throat. He sounded hurt, and I didn’t want to put a hurt voice to the hurt eyes I saw in my dreams.
“Wait!” He cleared his throat, took a moment. “If you need anything… if you feel lonely or scared or…”
“I’ll call,” I agreed, smiling.
“I love you.”
My eyes fell shut. I didn’t know what to say. “Die…”
“I can wait. Oyasumi.”
The click of him hanging up made me feel lonely all of a sudden. I flipped my phone shut, and lay there, staring at the tatami floor. Had I really let him catch me six years ago? Had I really wanted him to kiss me instead of that girl? Maybe…
………………
Toshiya purposely marched over to the table, and slapped both hands on the top. “I demand to have the same consideration Die did and Shinya was going to have. I want a date with Suji-chan.”
“I don’t fu…”
Kyo shoved a rice ball into Die’s mouth before he could continue. “Have some more breakfast, Die!”
Kaoru’s eyes narrowed on Toshiya as he sat back considering. “I’d have to talk to Suji-chan about it before any promises are made.”
Die pushed the blond away and ripped the rice ball out of his mouth. “You can’t be serious!” he argued. “I won’t allow it.”
“You have no say,” Shinya calmly told him. “It’s Suji-chan’s choice. She could agree or she could say she never wants to see Totchi again.”
“Why don’t you go…”
Kyo sighed as he again shoved the rice ball in Die’s mouth. “Kaoru, we should have beaten him up more when he was little. He’s disobedient.”
Toshiya hadn’t wavered, his gaze still locked on Kaoru’s. “You know it’s only fair.”
He did. “I’ll talk to her,” he nodded.
Toshiya nodded, and moved to his seat to start breakfast.
There was a crash, and cursing. Kyo and his chair lay back on the floor, and Die stood over them, slapping the rice ball down onto the blond’s forehead. “I’m going to work,” he stated, hands fisted. As usual he paused to kiss Mama’s cheek, and then stormed out.
Shinya dropped a napkin on Kyo’s face. “You have umeboshi on your forehead.”
…………………
“Suji-chan!”
I’d been sweeping one of the walks in the garden, but now looked up. I beamed when I saw Kaoru. “Kaoru-san!” I gave a bow of greeting.
He grinned, and then frowned. “Dammit, woman, aren’t you eating or sleeping? You look pale and I swear you lost weight. Mama will skin us all alive if you come home looking like that.”
Sighing I glanced away. “I’m eating fine.”
“Ah, so sleeping is the problem.” He ran a hand through his hair, and then pursed his lips in thought. “Look, I’m actually here for a specific reason.” Taking my arm in his hand he led me away from a group of females who were nearing on their way to one of the baths. They slowed and admired him openly.
I knew it was serious when he never once paid them any attention. “Kaoru-san? Is something wrong at home? Is it your mother or your father?” I asked, fearing something had happened to his parents.
“Iie, iie… It’s Toshiya.” He inhaled deeply. “He wants to have the same chance Die had by having a date with you.” One hand lifted when I opened my mouth to speak. “Honestly, it’s only fair. I know you’re really upset with him, and I can understand that, but I think you need this too. You’re obviously not sure how you feel for him. On the one hand you loved him for years, but on the other hand you feel something for Die. Something that has you confused, otherwise you’d have run to Totchi as soon as you knew he loved you. But you haven’t. You’re not sure if you do love him still, are you?”
Man, talk about having it laid bare in front of my eyes! He was too astute. “A full day date?”
Kaoru nodded. “You know it’s only fair. And you also know it could settle this whole mess.”
I did. “Okay.”
“Now, question is if you’re going to stay here, or come home and face this head on like the brave little Suji-chan I remember?” A smile lit his face. “You’re not alone. We’re all here for you.”
“I want to go home,” I told him.
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