Dead Like Me | By : poe Category: My Chemical Romance > General Views: 4827 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0 |
Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction. I do not know the members of My Chemical Romance. I do not make any money from the writing of this story. |
*****
I walked into a silent house. I was expecting at least to hear the TV on, or some music filtering in from somewhere. But there was nothing but stone cold silence.
I dropped my keys on the table in the entryway, and they made a loud clinking noise that echoed down the hallway. The sickening feeling in my stomach was growing both better and worse as I ventured though the house. Why was I here, alone? Why didn't I stay with Mikey and Bert? For all I knew, Mikey and Bert could have been off somewhere fucking at that very moment. They seemed to get along well enough.
Stop it Frank. You're just making excuses.
I knew I was only trying to justify what I was doing. Or what I was about to do anyway. And the closer I got to his door, the harder my heart was beating, until it got to the point that I thought it was going to burst through my chest and hurl itself at the door I found myself in front of. Like one of those face-sucking baby aliens in Alien.
It had been over a month. Gerard hadn't talked to me since I shut him down that night in the laundry room. And at first I was relieved. No lingering touches. No unspoken innuendos behind everything he said. Mikey would never know. But by this time I was more annoyed than anything. He pretended like I didn't exist. And I didn't like that. I didn't like that one bit.
I should have just run away. Mikey and I should have gotten our own place and left Gerard to fuck himself. But he was Mikey's brother. And everytime I raised the suggestion Mikey pulled the brother card. He couldn't just leave him. They were family. Ha. Family. If he only knew what his brother and I had done, I'm positive he wouldn't have had any reservations about beating the shit out of him.
What had happened to us? To all of us? Gerard and I used to be friends. Best friends, even. I remember him sitting in my room and smoking with me; when he booted for me for the first time; the first time I saw him kiss a guy. I had so many memories that involved him that I couldn't really remember a time before him. And Mikey. Little shy Mikey, who used to tag along with us, and seemed so much more innoccent then. I think I was too. I know I was. That never stopped Gerard. He took every shred of inoccence I had, and bathed in it. He revelled in the corruption that he lead me into. And I went willingly. Anything to be with him.
But now I was reduced to this: sneaking away from my boyfriend for a quick fuck? Was that what I was doing? I wasn't entirely sure that it wasn't. I had told Gerard that I didn't want that. And I didn't. But I did. I didn't want the sneaking around part. I wanted Gerard to tell me that he was sorry for being such an asshole to me, for breaking my heart without ever trying. I wanted him to realize how much he cared about me, and how much he wanted me. And I didn't want to hurt Mikey, but it was just so fucked up....
So I waited, hoping that he wasn't home, praying to God that if I knocked on the door right now there would be no answer. I raised my closed fist to the door and it hovered there for a minute, maybe two. Then it dropped back down to my side.
Who was I kidding? Leaving my boyfriend at the pub with Bert to come home to this: to Gerard, a guy who just wanted to fuck me and chuck me? What did I think that he was going to do? Kiss me? Hold me? Tell me that he loved me and couldn't live without me? That wasn't Gerard. I knew it wasn't. But I just wanted him. I still did after everything, and he knew it. That's why he'd let me walk away from him. He knew I couldn't last. He knew I wouldn't be able to lie to myself forever. He just probably thought I would have lasted longer than a month and a half.
I turned away from his door. I was not going to do it. Just because I decided not to lie to myself about it didn't mean that I couldn't keep lying to Gerard. I was not about to throw away a years worth of relationship for some momentary indescretion. He was not going to win that easily.
I hear the soft metallic click of a door being opened.
Keep walking, Frank. Don't turn around. Whatever you doon't turn around.
"You're home early." I paused mid-stride and stood still in the hallway. It wasn't a question, but a simple statement of fact. I knew what was coming next.
"Where's Mikey?"
"He's with Bert. They're getting drunk at the pub." I answered blandly without turning.
"Why aren't you with them?"
I swallowed the lump in my throat. "Because. I have a headache."
He didn't say anything for a long moment, and I didn't dare to hope that he had retreated to his bedroom already as I held my breath. I barely heard the sound of his bare feet on the carpet as he moved closer and closer towards me. I trembled, hoping it wasn't visible, afraid that he was going to be so close to me, afraid that he was going to touch me; maybe more afraid that he wouldn't.
"Liar." he said quietly. It came from directly behind me. I could almost feel the heat radiating off of him. I closed my eyes tightly, and curled my hands into balls at my sides. I took a few deep breaths before resolving myself to turn around and face him. I turned suddenly, opening my eyes, tongue poised with some retort or excuse (I wasn't sure which) about how I wasn't lying. But he wasn't there any more. The shocked look I must've had on my face dissolved quickly when I saw that his bedroom door was no longer closed.
An inviation if there ever was one.
Before I can convince myself all over again that this is a bad idea in the worst possible way, I am moving towards his door. I stand in the entry way trying to compose myself. I can't be doing what I think I'm doing right now. And he looks up from where he's reclining on his bed. He isn't wearing a shirt, just pyjama bottoms, and his skin is pale and smooth and beautiful. And then it's all slow motion. He's just staring at me, his big, green eyes unblinking as I walk closer and closer. I can see every detail on his face, right down to the pores on his nose, and the thought occurs to me that all I want to do is be a part of him. Just melt into his skin, and crawl inside his brain so that I can know what it's like to be Gerard Way.
Then suddenly I'm frozen. I realize that my feet have betrayed me and I'm standing right beside his bed. If I take one more step I'd be on it. If I take one more step, he wins.
All the while, he looks up at me with those eyes of his, and what I see in them scares me more than anything in the world. He wants this. He wants me. I don't know for how long, and I don't know how, but for now is all I need.
And then our bodies crash together, with the kind of instantaneous passion that you see in the movies. It's all heat and panting mouths and groping hands, and I am immediately going for his pants. I can feel our hearts beating erratically as his chest is crushed against mine, and I grab the back of his neck with one hand, keeping the other down south. I move my mouth to his, but he turns, opting instead for rubbing me through my jeans. My hands follow suite, and I can feel him through the thin fabric, and I want to see him. His hands are all over me, pulling at my shirt, lifting it above my head, pulling down my pants, and in a flurry of activity I find myself stripped naked and trembling in front of him.
Now he's standing with me, not touching me, just looking at me, and I have never been so nervous in my whole life. It's like the first (and only) time we had sex, but worse -- this time he knows he won.
I move my mouth to his again, because I just want to taste him, but he avoids me again. So I grab his face and force him to look at my while growling out, "Kiss me for fuck's sake!"
He shakes his head. "Not until you say it first." is his husky reply.
I pretend I don't know what he's talking about and I ignore him, continuing to work on his body, my hands trailing across his skin, feeling the muscles in his stomach tighten when i gingerly flick a finger over the tip of his rock hard erection. He lets out a little moan and I think that surely he is going to give in. But no. He still won't kiss me.
So I can live without kissing. There are other things to do. I push him down onto the bed, and I keep working my hand on his shaft. He's moaning, and his mouth is open to breathe. I bend down and take him into my mouth, sucking fiercely at him, teasing the slit at the top with my teeth. His hips buck, and I have to concetrate not to gag. I push his hips to the bed with my hands, while I continue to suck him like a fucking vacuum. Suddenly, he pulls me up, and somehow I find myself underneath him. His mouth mimics my actions on him, and now I'm the one grinding and writhing beneath him. I pant out his name in short bursts between "fuck"s and "holy jesus"s. I mean, sex with Mikey was good, but Gerard's mouth is a fucking Godsend.
He pulls away from me, and I know he heard the whimper that escaped my lips. I just want him to fuck me, and I can't take much more of this. He hasn't said a word since I told him to kiss me, and now he's just sitting back, straddling my legs. My erection is so hard it's painful, and I remind him of what we were doing.
"So, are we going to finish this or what?"
His smile was so evil it gave me goosebumps. "That depends. Are you going to say it?"
"Gerard, stop fucking around. Are we doing this or not?"
"Yes. If you say it."
I knew what he wanted. He wanted me to fucking beg him. I couldn't believe he was actually going to make me say it. It was so juvenile. I did have my pride.
"Come on Gerard. Obviously you know why I'm here because if I didn't want it, I wouldn't be."
"That may be true, Frankie doll." He crawled up my body, his teeth nipping sharply at certain parts on my skin. "But I promised you that I would only give you what you wanted if you asked for it. I can't do it if I don't know what you want."
I decided right then that Gerard was obviously satan incarnate.
But when his hand started at me again, and I felt his teeth on my nipples, moving up to my neck, I forgot about pride.
"Fuck..fine Gerard. You win."
"What do I win, Frankie?" He started pumping me faster, moving one finger to tease at my hole.
I moaned loudly. "Me, Gerard. You win me."
"Why's that?" he purred in my ear, pushing his finger into me. I gasped and groaned, grinding my hips against his hands.
"Because I fucking want you to fuck me, that's fucking why!" I panted out as he continued his ministrations.
"Good boy, Frankie," he cooed, nipping at my ear. Finally, his mouth collided with mine, and it was hot and feverish and biting and tongues and everything that a slutty movie kiss would be. When he pulled away from me I felt like I had no more breath in my lungs. He licked my lips lazily, moving down my jaw, biting at my neck.
"Good boys get rewards Frankie....." He pushed me into the bed, his fingers going to my mouth, and I immediately sucked them for all I was worth.
"Do you want this doll?"
"Yes!" I gasped, and I nodded dumbly, feeling his fingers inside me, stretching me. When he finally replace his fingers with his cock, I almost screamed at how good he felt inside me. I pushed myself against him, forcing him to thrust as deeply as possible. I wanted all of him.
"Fuck Frankie, I knew you couldn't last." He panted out as he pumped in and out of me. His hands were on my hips in a death grip, and I was thrusting myself against him with abandon.
"Fucking about time too." I didn't care that he was right, and I didn't care that he was rubbing it in my face. I only cared about his cock in me and his hand on me.
He fucked me so hard into the mattress I thought for sure that our bodies were going to leave a permanent dent, and I screamed so loud when I came that I thought I'd shattered my own ear drums. He came right behind me, and I could feel him release inside me.
We lay there, sweaty and panting, and all I could think about was how fucking ridiculous this was. He was right, and I knew it. He was everything to me. I wanted every part of him for myself.
"Gerard?" I didn't think he'd answer, so I was suprised to hear a fatigued, "hmm?" from his side of the bed.
"Don't tell Mikey. Please? He'll be heartbroken."
He rolled over to face me. "So you don't want me to tell my little brother I'm a better fuck than he is?"
"Gerard I'm serious. Mikey can't find out about this. I love him too much to hurt him like that."
Gerard glared at me before turning his back to me. His reply was quieter than I expected.
"Well, if you love him so much, then why was I your first?"
For the life of me, I didn't have an answer.
*****
soooooo? the plot thickens....even more! mad? glad? annoyed? confused? please let me know what you guys think!
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