Sleeping With Ghosts

Gerard

After I'd gotten out of the session with Dr. Harvey, I felt... Dirty. He'd closed the door to the office and started it off as normal as possible, still asking questions that I refused to answer. But after a bit, he was very quiet, just watching me. I refused to look at him, I simply stared down at my feet. I suddenly heard him get up, and before I could blink he had his hand over my mouth and a maniacal grin on his own. His other hand was stroking my hair and he smiled. "You're such a pretty boy, you should pull your hair back to show your beautiful face."

I glared at him, moving to get up but his hand went from my mouth to my throat. "You are staying right here boy. Now then..." He was choking me, I couldn't scream even if I wanted to, which I did. He was touching me, pulling my hair, pinching my nipples through my shirt, grabbing my crotch... I kicked at him but he back handed me, tightening his grip on my throat. I felt a needle in my arm, a pain sharp, swift, then gone. I don't remember alot after that, I do remember Stefan taking me back to my cell though. I curled up on the bed with my bear, I'd named him Teddy. I know things are getting really bad when I can't think of odd names for toys or pets.

I don't know how long I lay there. It could have been hours, it could have been days. All I knew was there were about three hundred billion thoughts running through my head about what had happened, and I didn't know if any of them were right. Had he stopped at touching me? Did he rape me? I didn't know, at all. And that was the worst part. I felt like a very important chunk of my life had been chiseled out and taken away, and I wasn't sure if I'd ever get it back.

I kissed the top of Teddy's head and just cried, I couldn't remember anything! It was all in a weird gray fog, and there was nothing I could recall. I didn't notice Brian had arrived until I felt him spooning me, hugging me. I just cried harder, saying, "I don't remember!" Brian's hands were in my hair, fingers touching the sides of my head. "You may not, but I can." He was very quiet for a minute, then suddenly I felt a sensation, like a jolt of electricity going through my brain. It hurt and was numbing at the same time.

I bit my lip, trying to keep from screaming. When it stopped, I felt like a jellyfish. No bones, just floppy membrane. Brian moved in front of me, looking me in the eye. "Gerard..." He suddenly kissed my forehead and crushed me to him, he sounded like he was going to cry too. "I'm so sorry love. I'm going to find a way to get in there, so I can protect you." "What'd he do to me?" Brian was quiet, so I asked again, "What did he do to me?" He still didn't answer, so finally I screamed, "WHAT DID HE DO TO ME?!"

Brian made a shh sound, his finger to my lips. "Are you sure you want to know Gerard?" I nodded, sobbing. "Please Brian, you've got to tell me. I need to know, please!" He nodded and pulled away from me, dragging me into a sitting position. "Okay sweetheart. Now here's what happened. I sent a bolt of ectoplasmic energy through your head to find what you couldn't. It's like hacking into a computer basically. I found images of what Dr. Harvey was doing, but since you were drugged up they were hard to make out."

Brian sighed and got to his feet, shaking his head. "It took a few minutes but finally the pictures became clear. He didn't penetrate you, that's the good news. The bad news is he was fondling you, then he, um, used your mouth." He was really quiet as he said the last, then he looked at me. "He used your mouth to get himself off." I sat there for a second, not quite comprehending what he meant. When the full force of what Brian had said hit me, I felt sick. Actually, I felt beyond sick, so much so I didn't have a word for it.

I could feel the bile rising in my throat, and I ran over to the toilet, barely making it in time before I vomited. Brian was holding back my hair but that just made me sicker as I remembered what Dr. Harvey had said, how I should pull it back. I kept barfing until I couldn't breathe, and I fell over onto the floor. I lay there for a bit, relearning how to breathe, just trying to get myself under control. Finally I stood and went over to the sink. I started brushing my teeth as though this were the most normal day in the world.

I looked at the mirror (not really a mirror so much as a sheet of very shiny metal) and saw Kaelyn standing behind me with Brian. She reached a hand out and placed it on my shoulder. I heard her raspy voice say, "It's okay, you don't feel so sick after a while." I spit out the toothpaste and started rinsing my mouth.