Ship wrecked | By : KarinVAM Category: Singers/Bands/Musicians > HIM Views: 3333 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0 |
Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction. I do not know the members of HIM. I do not make any money from the writing of this story. |
As the first sunbeams lit up the world, Bam and Ville both began to stir slightly. Knowing the day ahead of them was not going to be an easy one.
Bam had been eying Ville all night, while Ville he tried to keep his eyes off Bam’s ‘sleeping’ form. He was so used to cuddle up with the sweet boy laying there….and if only things had been different.
Bam noticed Ville’s shoulders tens as the sun was rising, and took this as the opportunity to start their day. No matter how hard it was going to become, he wanted to give this a try. And lifted himself off the sand, sitting up straight.
“Morning.”
He carefully spoke to Ville, who was now turning himself on his back and rubbing his eyes with an irritated sigh. He didn’t reply, nor did he look at Bam.
He couldn’t.
“Did you sleep well?”
Bam tried again with a fragile voice. He just had to try.
This time he was rewarded.
“Fine.”
It was short and snappy, but it was something. Ville still didn’t have to heart to look at him, and he felt like there was a huge weight pressing down on him as he tried to play the angry part. This was so horrible he could cry.
“I didn’t. I couldn’t sleep at all.”
“Good. You deserve it.”
And he was tired of being mean, but he couldn’t help letting out the remark. Bam not sleeping well…..was at least a good sign. He was troubled because of this, and that was good to know. It was proof to Ville his heart was at least somewhat in the right place. It didn’t change what he had done….but he was relieved to see the person he fell in love with did indeed exist.
“I know…”
But Bam’s self pity made him argy. He was making him feel bad about himself, while he was the only one who had the right to do that to him right now. Bam fucked it up. How dare he making him feel like this. Bam feeling bad made him feel bad. That wasn’t how it was suppose to be.
“Yeah, you know what else you deserve?”
Ville’s tone made Bam bite his lip. This was far from over. Ville was so angry. If he could only make that stop. If he could just talk to him.
“God, yes Ville I know. I know I deserve all the crap coming my way and more. And I know you could kill me right now, but I wish we could talk about this.”
“Why should I? You never talked to me about any of this in the first place. You chose this, not me.”
It was true. And it was a mistake he couldn’t take back. All he could do now was try to fix it.
“Ville…..”Bam pleaded softly, shuffling closer to Ville on his knees, who instantly sat up from the spot he had been laying on, but didn’t move away.
“Bam, please…”
It was a request. A request for Bam to stay away from him. And even though it was softly spoke, his voice was steady and clear.
“Ville you have to listen to me. I can’t do this. I can’t stay away from you. I love you.”
Again Bam pleaded, not moving closer to Ville this time, but speaking up louder. Desperate to break trough Ville’s walls. To have him look at him.
And he did. But the fire in his eyes Bam saw when he finally looked straight into his own, was not to fire of love.
“I thought you did. But now I’m not so sure.”
“Ville, how could you doubt…”
But Ville interrupted him, his voice getting fiercer and stronger as he tried to get his point across.
“You wanted to leave us here on this goddamn island. You wanted us to live here forever. So you can live your little fantasy. You are keeping me hostage for god knows how long. You seem so convinced we can’t be outside this world. How is that love Bam? Tell me.”
“Ville you don’t understand.”
Bam was whimpering, trying to make Ville hear him out. But in desperation he couldn’t seem to find his words. The lump in his throat and his shaking hands made him feel too weak, and too exhausted to shout out over Ville’s loud accusations.
“No, you don’t understand Bam. You don’t fucking understand. Have you even considered what would happen if one of us dies here? If one of us becomes sick, or simply dies ten years before the other? One of us would be left alone. Have you ever given that a though?”
“Ville I wouldn’t want to live…”
“No, me neither. I wouldn’t want to live alone here as well. So that would mean the other would kill himself. And that is what you are asking of me. Because that is what would happen. How is that love?”
Ville tried not to be affected by the tears that spilled from Bam’s eyes as he bit his quivering lip. He looked so broken. Like a bird. But every word he spoke to the boy angered him more. It was for the first time he clarified for himself what Bam’s actions had meant.
And deep down he understood it wasn’t exactly as he now made it out to be. That Bam had his story and his reasons. But that didn’t matter right now. His pain needed to come out.
“I was so scared Ville…I am sorry….”
Bam pleaded again, now coming closer to Ville again, who stood up quickly to keep his distance.
“That’s not good enough Bam. Stay away from me. I don’t want to talk about this anymore right now.”
Ville growled uncomfortably when Bam stood up too, begging him to stay as he wanted to walk away from the skater. He couldn’t deal with this right now. He needed some time alone.
“No please. If you would just hear me out.”
Ville felt Bam’s hand grasp his arm as he wanted to turn around, trying to stop him from leaving Bam alone. And with a violent jerk he shook Bam off, looking at him with pursed lips and a desperate frown on his pale face.
“Don’t touch me. I told you, we are over.”
He spat, making Bam feel his stomach turn. This whole situation made him feel physically ill. As did it Ville.
“No, we can’t be. We can’t.”
Bam was crying out now, reaching for Ville once again, who roughly shoved him from him again, making the boy stumble backwards.
He hated. He felt like he was dying. But something inside Ville snapped as he saw Bam like this. He didn’t know how to deal with all this. And he knew he needed to get away before something bad would happen.
As he turned again, he heard a desperate cry coming from Bam behind him. Telling him not to leave him. And he tried to go, tried to get away.
But when he felt Bam’s strong hand pulling at his shoulder once more he felt a scream escaping from him, telling Bam to get off of him, as he turned and let his fist connect with Bam’s face. Hard.
It all seemed to happen in slow-motion as Bam felt Ville’s knuckles hit the left side of his face, breaking the skin on his cheekbone. The blow knocked him back, and he felt himself tumbling backwards and landing head first on the hard sand underneath his feet. His body fell, and the wind was knocked out of him.
And as quickly as Ville’s fist came out, he withdraw his hand like he had touched fire. He didn’t even feel the pain in his knuckles from the blow. All he felt was shock.
Panic.
When he looked at Bam, he noticed the blood trickling down from the cut on his cheek, and the eye that didn’t seem to open up entire as he squeezed it. His chest heaving from the ragged breaths he took. Processing what had just happened as he shakily lifted himself with his elbows after a few seconds.
‘Jesus Christ. What have I done?’
Ville’s mind raced as Bam tried to put myself together on the sand. The boy didn’t cry. He didn’t scream. He didn’t do any of that. His tears had stopped running, and his eyes looked down, no longer facing Ville.
And the Finn stood frozen in his place. His mouth opening and closing like as fish and shaking like a straw. Finally he felt the tears behind his eyes run free down his face as he broke down.
“Bammie, Bammie, oh Bammie.” He chocked out as he fell to his knees, crawling over to Bam, who was now sitting on his knees, finally lifting up his head to see Ville coming towards him.
He stopped before Bam, knees touching as he reached to hold his shoulders. Ville expected Bam to flinch and pull form him, but he didn’t. He just let it happen as he looked into Ville’s eyes with water shining in his own.
“I’m so sorry Ville.” He whispered, breaking Ville heart as he pulled to sweet boy into his arms.
“I’m sorry Bam. I’m sorry. I’m sorry.”
“It’s ok.”
Ville heard Bam whisper against his neck as he pulled back. The blood, still flowing from the cut, was wiped away by Ville’s quivering thumb as he shook his head.
“No it’s not. I didn’t mean to…..I never wanted….”
“I know. I know that. Neither did I…”
Bam felt Ville pull him back into his tight embrace as they sat on the beach. Their tears running free as Bam finally felt hope sneaking back into his throbbing heart.
Bam hadn’t been the only one who was wrong, Ville realized. He had walked from him. He had given up too easy. He had only considered his own feeling as well, as had Bam. He had been just as bad, knowing Bam’s life was nothing like his own. He didn’t understand, because he had cut off their communication, and that wasn’t fair. He hadn’t even given him a chance to explain.
For the next ten minutes, they just held each other tight. Not speaking, just sitting together.
Ville planted soft kisses on Bam’s bruised eye every once in a while as he stroked his back in lazy circles.
Than, he finally pulled back with a tiny smile and a little spark in his bloodshot green eyes. Looking at the calmed boy he was holding. The calmed boy he could never stop loving, he realized. He could never leave.
“I think it’s time we have that talk now.
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