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Forbidden	By : n4n4mi Category: Dir en grey > General Views: 2209 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction. I do not know the members of Dir en grey. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
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A/N: Here's the next chapter! Enjoy! ;D

Chapter 16

It was the day after the big party for the high school seniors. It was already 12 o'clock in the morning when Kyo woke up. His head hurt like hell and he felt like throwing up. He quickly stood up and ran to the bathroom next to his room, kneeling on the floor in front of the toilet bowl.

Few minutes later he stood up and walked to the mirror, staring at himself. Not only that he felt horrible, he also looked horrible. His hair was such an ugly mess, tangled and dirty. It felt sticky and Kyo made a deep sigh. Yuck, he had been sleeping in his own vomit!

His make up had spread all over his face because he hadn't bothered to wash his face after leaving the party last night.

Oh yeah, the party... He remembered everything! He remembered arriving to the party with Shinya and Toshiya. They had all been dressed like girls, he had been wearing Toshiya's sisters clothes and heels. He also remembered that some older guy had told him and Toshiya that there was some alcohol hidden in the dressing room. So, they had gone there and bought some alcohol with Toshiya's money and...

Kyo gulped. He remembered too well the things that had happened after they had gotten drunk. They had been slowdancing with Toshiya and then, suddenly... Toshiya had pressed his lips on Kyo's own and...

He had been shocked, he had quickly pushed Toshiya away and shouted at him. And only a while later Toshiya had ran away, sobbing. After that, he didn't remember anything. He had no clue how he had gotten home or how the party had ended. He didn't know where Shinya had been though they were supposed to leave home together.

But at the moment, the only thing that mattered was that Toshiya had kissed him.

Kyo sighed again, leaving the bathroom and sitting on his bed that was almost full of vomit. Toshiya had kissed him. But why? Was it because they were drunk or was it something else? Kyo was clueless. He didn't know why it had happened. He only knew that someway he had hurt Toshiya badly because the younger guy had started crying.

A sudden thought made Kyo freeze for a while. What if... What if Toshiya was gay? He had never thought about it before. As long as Kyo had been friends with Toshiya, the younger guy hadn't talked about girls and stuff. So... it was possible that Toshiya fancied guys after all. But if Toshiya was gay, why would he fancy Kyo?

Kyo shook his head. No, that couldn't be it. Toshiya didn't like him, not that way. They were friends and that was it. He was ugly, short and rude!

Anyway, when thinking about it for a while, Kyo started to get paranoid. There had been many times when Kyo had seen Toshiya staring at him for way too long. For example, when he had spent a night at Toshiya's house, he had woken up in the middle of the night and Toshiya had been staring at him in the darkness, next to him. Kyo had asked what was it but Toshiya had told him to sleep.

Kyo frowned. He hadn't been suspecting anything before last night. But now he was pretty sure that Toshiya was interested in him, even though he didn't see himself good looking. And if it was the truth, what was he supposed to do then?

Toshiya had been a good friend, they had shared same interests and thoughts. They had even had more fun than with Shinya. Toshiya was different than others, he didn't get mad easily, he was easy to talk to. Kyo could tell him anything and Toshiya wouldn't be mad or laugh at him. No one understood him the way Toshiya did. Toshiya was always there for him...

Would it change everything if Toshiya really liked him that way? He didn't know for sure.

***

“Good morning.” Hey, that was a familiar voice... Dad? No. Hideyuki? No... Daisuke? No.

Kaoru opened his eyes and his eyes almost dropped out. He realized that he was staring straight into Yoshiki's eyes.

“Where am I?” he asked, horrified. “I'm not home... I should be home, oh god, my father must be worried about me.”

“You're at my house”, Yoshiki said with a calm voice. “Everything's alright. I called your dad and told him that you're here.”

Kaoru calmed down a bit but he was still shocked. Why was he at Yoshiki's house? And why was he in Yoshiki's bed?! Oh god, what had they been doing last night?! “Why am I at your house? I should be home!” he breathed.

Yoshiki smiled softly.

“Well, how should I explain it?” he said with a short laugh. “You were drunk and you told me that you can't go home like that and so on. That's why I brought you here, so calm down.”

“I... I'm sorry about everything. I ruined everything. I wasn't supposed to get drunk and...” Kaoru muttered in shock. “Yoshiki, you must tell me everything! What did I do? I can't remember anything! Did I do something embarrassing?”

Yoshiki was staring at him with an understanding smile on his lips. “Don't worry, you didn't do anything embarrassing. Or... it depends on your opinion about what's embarrassing.”

“What? Oh no...” Kaoru squeeked. “Oh god no. What did I do? I can't remember anything.”

“Well... we were slowdancing”, Yoshiki said with a laugh. “And later at my house you said that you like me and you hugged me and... Well, you weren't going to let me go at all. But it's alright, you were drunk and people do weird things when they are drunk.”

Kaoru turned bright red and buried himself under the blanket. “Oh god... That's so embarrassing...”

“Kaoru, don't be silly. It's alright, really”, Yoshiki said with a sigh. “You don't have to be like that. You were drunk.”

“I know, but...” Kaoru was quiet for a while, before he added: “I can't look at you in the eyes. You must have been embarrassed too and... I'll never drink again.”

Yoshiki shook his head, smiling. “Don't worry about it”, he said. “It's not the end of the world. Come downstairs. Let's eat something for breakfast.”

“I can't”, Kaoru muttered, still under the blanket. “I can't eat anything. I don't feel like eating anything.”

“Even if you can't eat anything...” Yoshiki said and pulled the blanket off him. “Come downstairs. Besides, Toshimasa's there also.”

“What? Why?” Kaoru asked, surprised.

“Well, he was drunk too and he couldn't go home”, Yoshiki explained. “In his own words, he kissed someone called Kyo and was rejected. He was crying in the bathroom and we followed him there. You've really forgotten everything?”

“Yeah... Almost everything.”

***

Toshiya was sitting downstairs in the kitchen, head down. Last night was supposed to be so great and funny, but no. He had ruined everything with a kiss. He had been so naïve and stupid. He had gotten too brave when he saw Daisuke and Shinya kissing on the dancefloor. He had thought that maybe he and Kyo could be like them.

Kyo had pushed him away in a cruel way. The older boy had looked disgusted. Toshiya remembered the look in his eyes way too well.

Why had he done it? What was he thinking? That Kyo would really love him the way he loved him? He should had known better. Kyo was straight, there was no way Kyo would ever feel the same way towards him.

He had lost Kyo because of that stupid mistake. Kyo wouldn't forget about that kiss, ever. They wouldn't be friends after this, he had seen it in Kyo's eyes. Kyo didn't probably want to see him anymore.

Toshiya couldn't help but starting to cry, once again. He knew that Yoshiki had gone to call Kaoru for breakfast, but he couldn't help it. So what if his teacher and Kaoru saw him like this? It wouldn't make him feel more worse than he already did! He wanted to die. If Kyo didn't want to be near him anymore, he would rather die. Kyo meant everything to him, everything. He should have stayed near Kyo as a friend. It would had been a lot better option than this. He hated himself.

“Toshimasa, are you alright?”

Toshiya lifted his gaze and saw Yoshiki and Kaoru standing few meters from him, staring at him with worried expressions on their face. He tried to answer but he couldn't. Instead he started sobbing loudly. Yoshiki and Kaoru quickly glanced at each other and finally came to him. Yoshiki placed a hand on his shoulder, and Kaoru tried his best to make him feel better.

“You know, Toshimasa... It's not so bad you think”, Kaoru sighed. “Almost everyone was drunk last night, even I. Everyone makes mistakes and stupid things when they have drank alcohol. Don't take it that seriously. Besides, Tooru-”

“How can I not take it seriously!? I kissed him!” Toshiya cried out. “And now he hates me! How could I feel better at all? I love him. If he hates me, I want to die.”

Yoshiki shook his head. “Calm down. Maybe he won't even remember what happened. He was drunk too, like you said earlier.”

“He won't”, Toshiya said, sobbing. “I know he hasn't forgotten it. I can feel it.”

***

When Daisuke woke up, it was already 1 pm. Soon he realized that he wasn't home. There were some weird looking wallpapers on the walls and he didn't have any in his own room. Damn it, if he wasn't home, then where was he?

“So you woke up at last!” he heard a familiar voice and was relieved. Thank god it was Shinya. He turned his head to side and didn't feel so relieved anymore.

Shinya was naked. And... so was he.

“Shinya?! What is this? Why are we—“ Daisuke tried to speak.

“I knew you wouldn't remember anything that happened last night”, Shinya said and sounded kind of disappointed. “I told it to you last night but you wanted to do it.”

Daisuke was horrified. What had they been doing? Did they have sex? Oh god, and Shinya was a minor! What had he done?!

“Don't tell me we did it last night!” Daisuke breathed. “PLEASE, don't tell me we had sex!!!”

Shinya was staring at him and didn't say anything for a while, keeping Daisuke in shock. Then finally Shinya shook his head, smiling a bit. “No, we didn't have sex. Or should I say that... we didn't go that far.”

It didn't make Daisuke feel better at all.

“If we didn't have sex, then what did we do? You got to tell me now!” he almost screamed, eyes grown wide.

“We... used our hands. If you know what I mean”, Shinya explained. “Masturbated a bit and-”

“No! Please tell me you're lying! I don't want to hear anything else!” Daisuke screamed. “This is awful! You are so young! I'm a pedophile!”

Shinya bursted out laughing. “Stop that, Daisuke. You are ridiculous. We only masturbated, that's all. It's completely normal for two young guys like us. Besides... it felt awesome.”

Daisuke hit him with a pillow, still in shock. “I was drunk and you took an advantage of me!” he said. “That's soooo disgusting! If I wasn't drunk, I would never, ever do something like that! I don't want you that way!”

“Hah! That's not what you told me yesterday!” Shinya said, still grinning. “You did it to me twice. I did it to you twice. You didn't find it disgusting at all. Besides, you were the one who wanted it in the first place. I was trying to sleep but you started to harrass me. I said that you're drunk and you would regret it but finally I gave in. And we both enjoyed it, don't worry.”

“Stop that!” Daisuke hissed. “I don't believe you! You're just making fun of me. And let me tell you, this is not a funny joke!”

“You wish”, Shinya said. “Now let's go get you a painkiller. You have a headache, right?”

“I don't want anything from you! Not after what you did to me last night”, Daisuke cried out, still hitting Shinya with a pillow.

“What ever...”

Daisuke was starting to get mad. Shinya was okay with what had happened? Though they had been masturbating and perhaps even something more? He didn't understand Shinya at all. This was serious!!!

“I wonder if Kyo's okay”, Shinya suddenly said.

“Don't change the subject! This is serious!” Daisuke screamed. “I'm mad at you! You weren't drunk, you should have stopped me. But you didn't, you let me do it to you.”

Shinya left the bed. “Okay, I'm sorry”, he said with a sigh. “But it wasn't my fault! And even if I hadn't told you to stop, you wouldn't had. So don't be mad at me. Besides, it's our secret, no one else needs to know about it.”

“I hope you mean it, Shinya!” Daisuke shouted. “If you tell Tooru, I'll never forgive you!”

“I promise I won't”, Shinya sighed. “Now calm down already and come get the painkiller!”

***

Toshiya had finally calmed down, when he suddenly heard his cellphone ring. Kaoru and Yoshiki – who was washing the dishes – turned to look at him, lifting their eyebrows. “Toshimasa, that's your phone ringing, right?” Kaoru asked.

“Yeah”, Toshiya answered quietly. “But where is it?”

Yoshiki pointed to the corner of the room, where was a large book shell. Toshiya's phone was on it. He quickly stood up and got it in his hands, not answering it.

“Who is it?” Yoshiki asked.

“It's... It's him”, Toshiya answered with his hands shaking. “I... I can't answer it. I want to... but I just can't. I can't speak with him.”

“Yes you can!” Kaoru encouraged him. “You must speak with him. It will be much more embarrassing if you two won't talk to each other before monday at school! Get it over with right now.”

“Don't tell me what to do! It's easy for you to say that!” Toshiya cried out. “You know nothing! You weren't there, you didn't see his face when he pushed me away! He was so disgusted and still is. I know it!”

The phone stopped ringing but almost right away Toshiya got a text message.

“Now he texts me”, he whispered quietly, voice shaking. “I... Help me, Kaoru... I can't read it.”

“Read. It. Now”, Kaoru commanded.

Toshiya slowly opened the text message, his whole body shaking now. After hesitating for a while he read the short message: Why didn't you pick up the phone? We need to talk, Toshiya.

“Well, what did he text?” Yoshiki asked and Toshiya told them.

“You should text back”, Kaoru said. “It's better to clear up this mess now, trust me. Don't wait, it will only make the things more complicated.”

“He's right. Do it now.”

Toshiya sighed, writing a short message back: Do you hate me for what I did? A minute of waiting, before he got a reply: No. I would never hate you. Where are you? Quickly he answered: I'm at Yoshiki-sensei's house. Why do you want to know? Few minutes of waiting, before Kyo texted back: I want to see you. Can we meet somewhere? Toshiya hesitated for a while, before texting back: Okay. See you in the park next to our school in an hour? Few seconds, and there came the last message: Good. See you soon.

“I'm leaving”, Toshiya said right away. “I'm meeting him in a park next to our school in an hour or so. He doesn't hate me.”

Kaoru smiled in a friendly way. “I told you”, he said happily. “Didn't I?”

“Yes, you did. Thanks, Kaoru.”

Yoshiki, who had been quiet for a while, turned his head to look at them. “I can take you to that park, if you want to. And Kaoru, do you want to go home? I can drive you home too.” Kaoru quickly nodded.

“Thank you, sensei”, Toshiya and Kaoru both answered with a smile. “You're a nice man”, Toshiya also added.

“You're welcome”, Yoshiki said. “Just tell me when you're ready to leave.”

***

Almost an hour later Yoshiki left Toshiya in the park next to their school. “Thanks, both of you”, Toshiya said to both his teacher and Kaoru. “For everything...”

“You're welcome”, Yoshiki said. “Well then, I wish you good luck and see you at school on monday.”

“Yeah, see you”, Toshiya said. “And I hope to see you too, Kaoru. I'm sorry for being an asshole towards you. You're a good guy.”

“Thank you”, Kaoru said and grinned. “See you.”

After Toshiya had stepped out of the car and Yoshiki started to drive towards Kaoru's house, Kaoru made a deep sigh. “Why does the thing called love even exist?” he said. Yoshiki turned to glance at him with a surprised expression on his face.

“Why shouldn't it?” Yoshiki asked.

“Haven't you noticed? It only brings sadness and sorrow”, Kaoru answered. “When a man falls in love, everything's ruined. His life becomes complicated.”

“Come on. Don't say that!” Yoshiki laughed softly. “Love can also be a good thing, you know.”

“How can it be? You saw how bad Toshimasa felt because of having fallen in love with Tooru”, Kaoru sighed. “And it is possible that love has ruined their friendship forever! Think about it, sensei.”

Yoshiki was shaking his head, still smiling.

“You wouldn't say that if you had fallen in love”, he said. “Love is a nice, warm feeling.”

“I have fallen in love once!” Kaoru said quietly. “With Gackt, remember? And it wasn't a nice feeling. He broke my heart. I'm never going to fall in love again.”

There was silent for a while and Yoshiki seemed to wonder what to say.

“I'm sorry for what happened between you two”, he finally said. “What Gackt did was wrong and sick but you can't let it ruin your whole life.”

“Yeah right. I don't believe in love anymore. Not after what he did to me.”

***

Toshiya had been sitting on a park bench for seven minutes when Kyo finally arrived. Right away his hands started shaking. What if Kyo would tell him that he didn't want to be near him anymore? And if Kyo would ask him if he was gay, what would he say to that? Would he tell him the truth: that he was in love with Kyo. Or would he lie to Kyo, tell him that he had kissed the older boy just because they had been drunk and he hadn't been thinking clearly? He really didn't know what to do or what to say...

“Hi”, Kyo said quietly, sitting next to him on the bench.

“Hi”, Toshiya greeted his best friend back, not knowing where this would lead to. He could only hope that Kyo wouldn't end their friendship.

TBC...

A/N: That's it. I'll try to update soon. I'm being very busy though, so it may take a while...
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