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Coming Home	By : SujiChan Category: Dir en grey > AU - Alternate Universe Views: 1406 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I own nothing. I do not know Dir en grey. This is just a work of fiction to entertain. I make no money off of it.

Chapter List
- 17
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Kaoru ‘visited’ with the owner while I finished sweeping, washed my kimono and yukata, and packed what little I had there. They both came out, talking softly, and it struck me that over the years I had never truly paid attention to Kaoru. He’d always treated me well, and I’d honestly respected and admired him and Kyo. They were the older brothers I could look up to. They’d taught me to fight, and always protected me the same as they had anyone else in their family. I loved them dearly.

The owner smiled and hugged me. “You will always be welcome here, Suji-chan. Perhaps someday you will come back with your lover to enjoy the baths.”

Kaoru coughed softly. “Suji-chan is a good girl and will never have a lover. I’d have to break the man’s hands for touching her if she did.” He glanced at me. “That includes my baka brothers.”

I flushed, and gave a mocking bow. “Hai, hai, oyaji!”

He snorted and gave me a light tap on the top of my head for basically calling him an old man. “Don’t be a smart-ass. C’mon, let’s get you home.”

I bowed to the owner. “Arigatou gozaimasu,okami-sama.” I smiled and waved to her as I followed Kaoru out. “Kaoru-san? How did Die take to my having a date with Toshiya?”

“He’s hoping you’ll turn it down flat and never want to see Totchi again,” Kaoru honestly replied. My stuff went onto the backseat, and he opened the passenger door for me. I’d paused so he put a comforting hand on my shoulder. “Suji-chan, we understand that this is all confusing for you. You loved Totchi for so long, and then Die declares himself. You were accepting that when Totchi declared himself. Your world is turned upside down. The family will help you to set it right again. And if it means you love none of them and want to return to America then so be it. We’ll miss you, and you’ll always have a home here with us, but we’d let you go.”

Suddenly I threw my arms around him and pressed my face into his chest. “Arigatou,” I whispered with a thick voice, sniffling.

Kaoru winced, one eye squinting shut. “Now, now, don’t cry! I can’t take it when a girl cries.”

That reminded me of what Toshiya had said about crying girls. Backing away I blushed, and bowed. “Gomen!” I hesitated. “ Kaoru, you don’t handle a crying woman by kissing her until…” I blushed even darker now.

He actually flushed and pointed to the car. “Tsk, what would make you ask that?”

“Toshiya told me that’s what he does to a crying woman,” I told him. “I didn’t think a kiss would make a woman forget about crying, but he said a kiss should make a woman’s reasoning fall to her…”

“Okay! Well, looks like I’m going to be pounding the shit out of my brother when we get home!” he growled and motioned to the car again. “Talking to a good girl about such things. It’s one thing to be a womanizer, but another to corrupt good girls…. Er, familial good girls.” He was flushing again. He’d corrupted his fair share of good girls growing up, he realized, so couldn’t complain about it.

I arched a brow. “Toshiya-san declared himself. I don’t think he thinks of me in a familial way.”

Kaoru sighed. “True. Little Suji-chan, either you get into the car so we can leave, or I’ll stuff you into the trunk.”

Rolling my eyes I got into the car. I realized I’d made Kaoru blush a few times so I decided to tease him further. It wasn’t often I was the one doing the teasing when it came to him or Kyo. “Kaoru-san?”

“Mmmm?” He was concentrating on pulling out of the lot and onto the road.

“Why do you like sex so much?” I innocently asked.

The car swerved a few times and then he grumbled, “I think the trunk would have been a better place.”

I laughed out loud. “Gomen. I had to tease you a little.” It was quiet for a few minutes. “Have you ever been in love?” I asked him, staring out at the scenery going by.

He was silent, and I thought he wouldn’t answer, but he finally spoke, and the serious timbre of his voice told me more than his words did. “Once, but it could never be. I had to let her go.”

I was watching him curiously, but knew not to push it. His hands were gripping the steering-wheel tighter, and his face was set tightly. “I’m starting to wonder now if I even know what love is. If I loved Toshiya, really loved him, then would I feel that odd sensation inside when Die kisses or touches me?”

He tilted his head slightly. “Well… It’s kind of confusing because sometimes our hearts and our bodies don’t always…”

“It scares me,” I whispered. “That sensation inside when he kisses or touches me? I can’t think straight, and sometimes I can’t remember how to breathe! It’s like I lose all control over myself.”

He was very quiet for a while. “Have you dated in America? Have you kissed others?”

I flushed some, feeling the heat creep up my face. “I’ve dated, and kissed a few.”

“And none ever made you feel what Die does?” he asked.

I snorted in disgust. “Not even close. They were all hands so I’d hit them until they just lay there and I could leave.”

Kaoru chuckled. “Good girl.” He grew serious again. “Toshiya’s kissed you a few times now. What about when he kisses you?”

I considered that seriously. “Well, the second time I was too shocked to really feel anything else. That kiss was so familiar, but I couldn’t figure out at first from where.”

“Then what about the night of the mystery kisser? How did it make you feel then?” he asked.

I flamed, remembering the hand that had boldly touched my breast. Coughing to clear my throat I frowned, concentrating instead on how the kiss itself had felt. I remembered the gentle fingers stroking my face and bottom lip, the soft lips that warmly caressed mine, and that hot tongue that had invaded my mouth and made me moan low. Those kisses had brought me to life, so to speak. “That night is still confusing. Kisses after kisses after kisses. Maybe it was too much.”

“No such thing as too much kissing,” he grinned. “But I get your point.” He was silent a moment. “We’ve never really had conversations before, have we?”

“There’s a bit of an age gap between us, and you and Kyo-san were rather busy chasing girls. But it’s not like you never noticed me. Both of you always treated me very well, like I was part of the family. You protected me, and taught me how to fight and play guitar…”

Kaoru grunted, nodding. “You were always like Saika or Shinya. And don’t make that sound at me!” he ordered, scowling. “You know damn well that Shinya has always been more… feminine.” Suddenly he paused. “Oh! But he did have a date with a fucking woman the other night.”

I blinked, startled. “Shinya did?”

“See! Even you find it amazing.” Kaoru sighed. “Oh, and you’re coming back just in time. Toru-san is coming over for dinner.”

“Tor… wait, you mean Saika’s Toru-san?” At his nod my mouth fell open. “You’re going to kill him, aren’t you?”

“We’re not going to… well, maybe. Depends. Look, she seems serious about him so we need to meet him. If you know anything about him…”

Unfortunately she hadn’t told me much. “I know he’s Indies and they’ve been dating over a month. It’s all I know.”

“You’re her best friend,” he reminded. “She didn’t confide in you?”

“I’m also like family and getting too much attention from her brothers,” I stated. He grunted in acceptance of that. “I’m very curious of what he’s like.” Which was most likely how the brothers felt too.
………………

It was like coming back to Japan again. That sense of a familiar world that changed so much you weren’t sure if you fit into it anymore. Kaoru took my one bag out of the back and led me to the door. “Everyone’s here so you don’t have to be nervous,” he told me as he opened the door. “We’re home!” he called.

Papa neared. “Welcome back.” He eyed me gravely. “If my boys are making you unhappy you let me know.”

I flushed. “They’re not, really. I’m just… trying to figure out my heart.”

He patted my head gently, his awkward way of showing affection. Saika and I used to giggle thinking it was amazing he and Mama had 6 kids when he was very shy of showing affection. “It will tell you. You just have to pay attention when you’re around the boys.”

We entered the living room area where everyone was gathered. Toshiya and Die both leapt up, but neither neared. I flushed under their intense gazes. Saika leapt up and hugged me warmly. “I’ve so missed you! Suji, meet Toru.”

I was expecting this decked out visual kei rocker, but instead stared at this handsome male with short dark brown hair with bronze streaks and glasses. He wore denims and a grey and black striped sweater. I bowed, and from the corner of my eye saw Kaoru do the same. “Hajimemashite,” we both intoned together.

He stood and bowed politely. “Hajimemashite,” he greeted in a soft low voice. “It’s nice to finally meet you both. I’ve been telling Saika-chan for weeks now that I wanted to meet her family.”

“He has a death wish?” Shinya inquired curiously, Miyu curled up in his lap.

”Suji…”

Die’s lips pursed. “Why should she sit by you?”

I groaned. “Don’t start!” I snapped. When Die opened his mouth to argue and pointed towards Toshiya my eyes narrowed. “I’ll leave again.” Just because he ticked me off I sat beside Toshiya. Well, that and because I’d never gotten to sit beside my crush before. It also brought me close to Kyo and Mama as we sat in the room reserved for visiting which had a chabudai and fluffy bright pillows to sit on. I was close enough to Toshiya to feel his body heat wrapping around me.

Die glowered, but wisely kept quiet.

Things were a little tense at first, and it was making me fidget. “Toru-san, how long have you been into music?” I asked, hoping that if I started a conversation perhaps the atmosphere would be more relaxed.

He smiled. “I took violin when I was five. When I was ten years old I took guitar. I’m classically trained in both.”

“Oh, so you play guitar in your band?” I asked.

He nodded. “And sometimes I lay down violin tracks on a song. Saika-chan told me that this is a musical family?”

“Mama taught music as we grew up so she also taught us,” Shinya replied. “And she taught Suji-chan piano as well.”

Mama made tea, and Saika went to help her. I would have as well, but Saika’s imploring glance stopped me, not to mention the knee that pressed insistently into mine to tell me not to go. I glanced at Toshiya who was calmly toying with his empty tea cup. His profile was so handsome. I used to stare at him for long minutes when younger, and daydreamed that he loved me too and would look at me and smile with all that love. I almost gasped aloud to see him turn towards me a little and smile. It was like I’d always secretly desired, and my heart sped up. I blushed and looked away, and froze when my eyes collided with Die’s across the table. There was anger, and hurt in those eyes.

I jumped up suddenly. “Excuse me,” I bowed, and considered going into the kitchen to help Mama and Saika, but instead ended up leaving and running home. I didn’t want to face those eyes. I’d been seeing them every night while at the onsen. I couldn’t take seeing them again.
……………………

I was sitting on my window seat staring out at the clouds in the sky. Maybe I’d find some answer written in their fluffy grayness to what I’m supposed to do. So intent was I on that answer that I never heard anyone come into the house until there was a soft knock on my bedroom door. Startled, I turned and stood up when I saw Toshiya standing there with my duffel.

“T-Toshiya-san!” I stammered, nervously wetting my lips and running my hands down my hips.

He entered, and put the bag on the bed. “Just Toshiya,” he told me. “Though I’d accept sweetheart and baby too, if it’s from you.” He turned with a grin, and saw I was blushing like mad. He took two steps nearer. “So since you’re home I was thinking that tomorrow we could have our date. I don’t want you to… worry and get nervous about it by waiting days.”

I would too. I’d think about it and think about it and get more and more nervous because he’s the man I’d loved for sixteen years. By the time the date day arrived I’d have made myself sick with worry and nervousness. “Thanks.”

“Why’d you run out?” he asked, head tilted slightly in curiosity.

I couldn’t tell him it was because of the dreams and Die’s eyes. “I haven’t been sleeping well and I guess it’s finally caught up to me. Maybe a good night’s sleep in my own bed will do me good.”

Toshiya took the final three steps that brought him inches away from me, and reached a hand out to touch my cheek. His lashes fell to partially cover his eyes, and his fingertips stroked softly from my cheek to my bottom lip. “The day you ran to our house, and only I was there? You threw yourself at me, crying, and I had to fight myself not to just run away with you. I even considered seducing you in the hopes you’d get pregnant so you’d be sent back and we’d have to marry.”

I’d been standing there with my eyes shut, enjoying his touch, and recalling how it had once led to his kiss. Would it lead to a kiss again? My heart pounded in anticipation. It took a few seconds for his words to sink in. When they did my eyes flew open, and my heart raced so fast it was almost painful. It certainly made breathing a chore. “What?” He would have seduced me? Like, had sex with me? I would have exploded if he’d touched me. Hell, I probably still would! Whoa, wait… pregnant! “We were too young,” I gasped, thinking that by now we’d have a five year old.

“I know. I knew then too. But you’d have been here, and with me.” As he said it his hand shifted so he could tilt my chin upwards, and his face lowered.

“Yeah, knew this had to be where you’d gone.”

My eyes widened, and Toshiya sighed heavily. I started to back away, but Toshiya held me firm. “Screw off, Die.” He lowered that last fraction of an inch so his lips touched mine. Soft and warm. No pressure. No demands. The kiss made me sigh against his lips.

There was an angry shout, and then a grunt, a curse, and the last thing I remembered was a cry of pain before everything went dark.
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Coming Home