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Your Sins Into Me	By : Tcharlatan Category: > Kyo/Kaoru Views: 1394 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: Disclaimer: This is a work of pure fiction. I do not personally know any of the members of Dir en grey or Penicillin, and do not profit from this work.

Chapter List
- 17
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- 19
Kyo’s eyes drifted open slowly, squinting against the pale sunlight trickling through the window. Morning? Already? Groaning a little, he tried to move out of the bed, and found his limbs entirely uncooperative. He felt like his entire body had been drained; like he was… empty, somehow. His muscles refused to respond, and he felt chilled to the core despite the covers wrapped so tightly around him. Shivering weakly against the cold radiating from his center, he forced his sluggish body to curl up under the blanket tiny bits at a time, hugging his knees to his chest. Dark gold eyes sought out the glowing display of the alarm clock.
‘It’s already ten o’clock?’
‘I’m still so tired…’
‘Why is it so cold in here?’
‘I hope I’m not getting sick…’
He moaned despondently. To be sick now, on top of everything else?
‘I can’t move…’
‘So tired…’
‘Maybe… just a few more minutes…’
Hours passed as he drifted in and out of sleep, plagued by fitful dreams he couldn’t quite remember, but that startled him awake and left his heart pounding. The sunlight streaming so cheerfully into his room turned a rich gold as the morning bled into the afternoon, but its warmth couldn’t seem to touch him. He whined weakly to himself, fussing at his own discomfort. He was so cold, he felt so drained, and he couldn’t do anything to fix any of it.
Eventually, Kaoru’s voice came through his closed bedroom door. “Kyo…? It’s past noon, you need to eat some lunch and take your pills.”
“‘m too tired…” the blonde murmured into the empty air of his room, his voice far too quiet for Kaoru to catch.
There was a long pause as the older man waited for an answer.
“…Kyo? Are you awake?”
The door opened with a soft squeak, and Kaoru peered around it. Kyo could barely muster the effort to keep one eye half open to acknowledge his friend. Evidently some of what he was feeling was reflected on his face, because Kaoru’s expression went from curious to worried in a heartbeat.
“Hey…” The older man’s voice was gentle as he moved over to the bed. “Are you feeling alright?”
“Nnn… no…”
A thin hand came to rest lightly on Kyo’s forehead, and he leaned into it with a soft sigh. The warm touch felt so good, he wasn’t immediately aware that Kaoru had spoken again, and he completely missed whatever the man said by the time he registered the voice.
“Mn?”
“Can you hear me? What’s wrong?”
“‘m cold… ’s so cold… I feel… empty…”
Kyo felt a shiver rush through him as the warmth from Kaoru’s hand clashed with the cold pervading the rest of his body. He was just so tired, and every shuddering attempt to regain body heat seemed to steal more energy from him than he had to spare. It distracted him from the long moment of stunned, guilty silence coming from Kaoru. When the older man finally spoke again, his voice was carefully trained into only mildly-concerned tones, concealing his internal distress.
“Are you sick?”
“No.”
Kaoru had to smile at the petulance in the blonde’s tired voice. He wasn’t that under the weather, then, if he still had the energy left to be stubborn. “So you don’t want some hot soup?”
Kyo didn’t want to ask Kaoru for anything. Gods knew the man had already given him so much in the past couple of weeks. But at that moment, he wanted soup more than he could ever remember wanting anything. “Well… maybe…?”
“Alright. I’ll be right back, okay?”
Kaoru moved away from the bed to pull an armload of blankets out of the top shelf of the closet. He spread each over his younger friend and tucked them around the small form carefully, then, with one last smile at the blonde, left the room and went to the kitchen, setting soup to heat over the stove with hands that shook. As he stared at the cold broth, speckled with bits of dried herbs, his mind wandered fitfully. Kyo’s sunken eyes; his pale, cold flesh; his slurred, tired speech… all his fault. He slumped against the fridge with a groan. Dragging one hand over his face, shuddering in horror, he allowed himself to slide down until he was sitting on the tile floor berating himself in disgust.
“Fuck! Fucking goddamn son of a bitch!” he hissed, slamming his head back against the fridge door. “What have I done?!”
“Kao?”
Kaoru opened his eyes just a sliver. Toshiya was standing in the entryway to the kitchen, wearing an oversized long-sleeve shirt over incredibly short shorts and looking worried.
Tattooed hands slid up to clutch at glossy black hair, the older man baring his teeth angrily. “He’s sick.”
“Huh? Who, Kyo?”
“Yes! I took too much from him, I made him sick!”
“…”
“Fuck, he just… he looks so tired, Totchi. He’s suffering and it’s my fault!”
Toshiya's expression was an odd mix of curiosity and concern. “He’s… alive, though, right?”
“Of course he is. He’s miserable though! He’s freezing and he can’t move, I took so much he can’t even regulate his own damn body temperature! I… I didn’t even realize I was feeding so deeply…”
Toshiya sighed and moved across the room gracefully, coming to crouch in front of his roommate. “Kaoru, it’s not like we feed on blood, it’s just energy. If he’s not dead now, he’s going to be fine.”
“I know that!” Kaoru snapped.
Toshiya smiled, his voice sweet and smooth, coaxing. “I know you do. You know how I know it?”
The older man blinked a little, his temper waning. “Because… because I told you once.”
“That’s right. I took so much from one of mine that in the morning, I couldn’t even wake her up. Her skin was cold and you could hardly even tell she was breathing.”
Kaoru couldn’t help but smile a little at the memory. “You were crying so hard when you came and woke me up. You thought you’d turned her into a vegetable and she’d be in a coma for the rest of her life.”
“Uh-huh. And you told me…?”
“To… to keep her warm and let her rest, and she’d be fine.”
“That’s right. And the same is true for Kyo, isn’t it?”
“I… aa… of course it is.”
“Good. So maybe you ought to pick your pretty self up off the floor and finish making your little human his soup, instead of sitting here being all dramatic over nothing. I know he’s all cute and sad and little, but you’re being ridiculous, which is only going to make things so much more difficult when I need to be ridiculous, because you’re supposed to be the rational one around here.”
Kaoru chuckled a little – halfheartedly – and accepted Toshiya’s proffered hand, letting his younger friend pull him back to his feet. “Aa… alright. Thanks, Totchi…”
“Mmhmm.” Toshiya patted the older man’s cheek fondly. “Goodness knows you’ve talked me out of some phenomenally stupid shit. It’s only fair I should be able to do the same for you every now and again.”
Kaoru rubbed his face again and dug out a wooden spoon to stir the slowly-boiling soup. Toshiya was right; seeing the results of what he’d done to Kyo hit him hard, but sulking and wallowing in guilt wouldn’t get him anywhere, he had to focus on helping the blonde get better. Remorse still twisted his stomach, but what was done was done. And who knew? If he hadn’t fed when he did – if he’d tried to hold out even longer – he could have lost even more control than he had and actually killed Kyo. He wouldn’t let himself get that far gone ever again.
Kyo was asleep when Kaoru returned with the soup, but he woke the blonde just long enough to eat. The blonde’s pride had him trying his damnedest to feed himself – one hand coming up weakly to cover Kaoru’s around the spoon – but he was simply too enervated to manage even that simple task. Kaoru had to sit on the bed and prop the smaller man up against his shoulder to spoon-feed the liquid to him, but doting on his crush that way was a guilty sort of pleasure. Feeling the compact body pressed against his own was intoxicating, even if the contact was ill-gotten.
Halfway through the bowl, Kyo’s eyes started to loll shut, and he turned his face tiredly away from the spoon. “Mnn…”
“You’re sure you can’t eat a little more?” Kaoru asked gently.
“Tired,” the younger man murmured. His head slid down until it was tucked neatly under the older man’s chin, and he curled lethargically against Kaoru’s side. “…Kaoru?”
“Yeah, Kyo?”
“Aren’t you worried?”
“About you?” Kaoru wondered as he set the half-empty bowl on the low table beside the bed. “Yeah, a little, but I’m sure you’ll be alright once you get some rest.”
“Mm-mn,” the blonde head shook once in the negative, “That I’ll… mm… get you sick?”
Kaoru chuckled a little. “Nah, I’m pretty much invincible.”
“Oh, okay… ‘s good, I guess… hey Kaoru?”
“Yes, Kyo?”
“Thank you. You’re… a better friend… than I could ever ask for…”
Soon after the last mumbled syllable, Kyo was asleep once more, draped against Kaoru’s side to steal his warmth. The older man bit his lip against another guilty twinge as he wrapped his arms loosely around the object of his affection and nuzzled ever-so-lightly against soft blonde hair. He inhaled – slowly, deeply, indulgently – the mixture of Kyo’s personal scent and the faint perfume of his own shampoo clinging to the pale gold strands. He felt a heady rush, the combined smells speaking to a more primal side of his psyche that saw them as a claim on the smaller male.
“Oh Kyo,” he sighed sadly. “If only you knew the truth… what I did to you… what I want to do to you… you’d never say such kind things.”
- 17
- 18
- 19
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Your Sins Into Me