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Breaking Through	By : gardenrose Category: Singers/Bands/Musicians > Savage Garden Views: 4070 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction. I do not know the members of Savage Garden. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 18
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Daniel shook his head in disbelief looking at the crowd that had gathered to see their first real performance. It wasn’t a stadium, of course. But it wasn’t a dirty nightclub either.
They’d played a few clubs over the last few weeks as a warm up, to friends and some curious onlookers and some very few selected fans that must have heard about it from the horse’s mouth…Daniel thought of Elena and smirked. At least it released some of the tension.

This was finally for real. Advertised and planned big. The first show of what was supposed to turn into a tour. Almost 4 full month of their life already planned. Thankfully the first 3 shows are here, at home. Then one-week break and they’ll get on the road.

Daniel smiled. He had no idea what to expect. But the crowd looked so good. Nothing puts you to rest before you see the people with your own eyes. Chart success doesn’t do it. Neither reassuring words from the record company. Even tickets pre-sales didn’t mean anything. Only seeing people fill up the arena, only that mattered.

Now looking at the crowd Daniel was shaking head. It was packed. It was buzzing. It was really happening.

Daniel closed the curtain that would serve as their stage decoration and that he had been peaking through to see if that buzzing was real. He looked around and noticed questioning looks from the band and Elena. Darren? Oh boy, what happened now? Daniel put his guitar down and rushed to their dressing room. What took him so long?

The pleasant excitement made his blood flow through his veins faster. He ran into a dressing room throwing the door wide open and found Darren sitting in front of a huge mirror, staring at his pale and carefully painted face, tears stuck in his eyes, ready to flood, visible on his long eyelashes, but not falling yet.

Daniel froze and stopped at the door. Darren hadn’t cried for weeks. Daniel’s heart sank. NOT TODAY! He silently closed the door behind him and slowly approached Darren. He kneeled down at his side.

“Darren?” he whispered, “Honey? What is it?”

Darren slowly turned his head to look at him.
“I thought you left. I thought you left me, Danny.” His eyes lip up at seeing Daniel’s grin.

“Not a chance! I’m not gonna leave you, silly!” Daniel wrapped his arms around Darren’s waist and pressed his head to Darren’s chest, “I’m never gonna leave you, Darren, I am here”.
The words were muffled by Darren’s shirt but he heard Daniel. He heard him very well.

Daniel looked up at Darren’s face and saw an embarrassed smile spread over his face.
“I’m sorry, I just … I just got so scared…”

“Scared of what?” Daniel asked, touching Darren’s chin.

“Tell me… If everything… Everything here goes wrong…. If I can’t do it… You… You won’t just walk out?”

“No, I will not walk out,” Daniel said getting up, “I will never leave you, now get up!” Daniel smiled, remembering the crowd, “you’ve got a few thousand people waiting!”

Darren arched up an eyebrow. “You mean…”

“Yes,” Daniel grinned, “it’s totally packed! And if we don’t get there now, they’ll all come here and get you!”

“My god, Danny, I’m so stupid, I didn’t even warm up my voice, Jesus, what was I thinking?”

“You’ll be wonderful.” Daniel whispered in Darren’s ear before opening the door for him.

Darren walked out of the dressing room and was met with Elena’s ice-cold angry stare. If Darren wouldn’t be that wrecked with nerves, he would probably be scared. But he just couldn’t care.

Daniel watched Darren’s leather clad tights and butt, his tight black shirt clinging perfectly to his beautiful upper body, his muscles working under it with every move he made, his black hair shining with a strange blue glint, maybe just his eyes making everything look in a spooky bluish shade…

Darren’s nervousness made him look vulnerable and for a second Daniel doubted if he is ready for it. But Darren looked at him with such mad desire, such hope and such expectation that Daniel couldn’t help himself, he gave Darren an encouraging push on the shoulder and they waited in silence for the intro of I Want You.

Daniel couldn’t think much. The adrenalin he felt through his body was enough to climb the highest mountain. He knew this is what he really wanted to do, he just didn’t know it would feel THAT good. His heart was racing, his fingers did a job he knew how to do while his head could not comprehend what was happening to him.
At the moment his eyes locked with Darren’s when he turned to look at him, Daniel felt truly blessed. Darren’s face was ill with nerves and excitement, his features looked like made of stone, he wasn’t able to move much, but his eyes were beaming happiness, his eyes were telling Daniel that he is home. Loud cheers at Darren introducing Daniel to the public. Darren’s eyebrow twitched. He smiled and seemed to relax a bit, and half through the show Daniel didn’t worry about him any more. He was where he was meant to be.

The reality struck Daniel after two hours. When they tried to leave the arena. When Darren was almost hanging on Daniel’s arms, drained of energy, drained of voice, drained of feelings. Demands of screaming fans. Their idea of making themselves heard and seen. Thought of having to do it again tomorrow, it already hit Daniel painfully when he looked at Darren’s lifeless face.

They were home an hour later. Daniel knew he couldn’t do much. Darren hadn’t been ready, neither vocally nor physically. His body was broken. He needs to learn, Daniel thought…

“Oh Darren… why do you always have to go all the way? Why can’t you stop when you feel you’ve reached the limits?” he whispered while taking Darren’s clothes off.

Daniel helped him to the shower and went to make some camomile tea to relax his lover. Hopefully the shower will make him warm and he will be able to sleep.

Some 20 minutes later downstairs in Darren’s kitchen Daniel thought he heard it… He knew it’s impossible, but he heard quiet sobs upstairs. He run up the stairs and run to the bathroom, opened the door and already through the glass door of the shower saw Darren sitting, under streams of water, his head in his hands, shaking in silent desperate sobs.

The scene broke Daniel heart. He felt really uncontrollable urge to wail.

Daniel slowly approached the shower and opened the door. He reached over Darren’s bent-down head to switch off the water. Something was oh so wrong. He shuddered. The water was ice cold. Putting his hands on Darren’s shaking shoulders Daniel gently shook him.

“Honey, it’s cold here, come to me, please, come here,” he whispered soothingly, slowly rubbing his hands on Darren’s shoulders.

Darren raised his head. He was shaking all through. His eyes blank. His lips trembling and dangerously blue.

“God, Darren! Please!” Daniel raised his voice and immediately regretted it. Darren bent his head down again, then slightly turned it to a side to look at Daniel.

“Why are YOU here?” he asked in a shaky voice. As shaky as his whole body. As shaky as his whole being. “You don’t like to see me now... You don’t love what you see… Please leave… ”

Darren almost smiled his killer sad smile, or maybe nearly sneered, but his lips were not listening to the reflexes his brain was sending out. Whatever move he was trying to make, he just failed miserably and let his head fall down again.

Daniel pulled him to himself with a gentle but very defined move. Darren of course wasn’t in a shape to reject him or to push him away. He let Daniel to get him out of the shower and stood motionless while he was rubbed with soft bath towels.

Even after an hour, already in bed and Daniel’s warm body next to him, Darren was still shaking of cold and maybe of something else. How would Daniel know? He never felt anything like that. He was so helpless lying there. They both were so helpless, looking at each other, not being able to close their eyes and not being able to speak to each other, either.

Another hour passed and Daniel felt himself giving in to sleep.

He opened his eyes another hour later and knew he shouldn’t have closed his eyes. Darren had turned his back to him, curled up, knees to his chest, and cried in small short sobs.

Daniel moved closer, put his arms around him.

“God Darren!!! What??? I don’t understand you. What?” he so wanted to help. But he so didn’t know how.

“What is it, Darren?” he asked again.

“I don’t knoowww!” Darren growled in hoarse and exhausted voice. It seemed like all the pain in the world is locked in this animal growl.ked ked without escape.

Daniel pressed his forehead to Darren’s shoulder and didn’t know what to do but to let him cry.

About an hour later Darren sighed silently and brought Daniel back from his drowse.

“I just feel … I feel exposed,” Darren spoke hoarsely, “I feel so exposed to everything.”

“Exposed to what?” Daniel asked, trying to shake off the sleep.

“Exposed. Open. Naked. Naked, Danny.”

“To the people?”

“To you. To them.”

Daniel fell silent, trying to think of something what to say. Just trying to think.

Darren continued, “More than when we make love, more exposed than now, even.”

“You felt that on stage?” Daniel asked.

“No, I felt that when it was over. The second I stopped singing I felt so exposed like I would stand there naked.”

“The crowd loved you,” Daniel whispered, kissing Darren’s shoulder.

“You’re not getting the point.”

“What is the point?”

“The point is that I will never know how other people feel. I only know how I feel.”

At least he has stopped shaking, Daniel thought. He won’t let it happen again.

One hour later the first light started creeping into the room. Darren was asleep.
Daniel got out of the bed, pulled his jeans on and quietly left, closing the door behind him. He made his way down to the living room and picked up the phone.

“Elena, there is something I have to tell you and I need you to just pass on this message to whoever is concerned. We are not gonna perform tonight,” Daniel said coldly and with such a certainty like he wouldn’t accept any objections.

“What are you talking about, Daniel?” Elena asked, knowing exactly what he is talking about. Daniel sighed. She saw Darren, too, didn’t she?

“It’s Darren”

“Darren what?” she asked, very audibly annoyed.

“He is spent, he is gone, he is not gonna sing tonight, we can’t do it,” Daniel continued, emotions creeping into his voice, “I am not gonna let it happen!”

“Oh boy, what is wrong with you both? He is tired, that’s all!”

“Do I have to spell it out for you? We. Can. Not.” Daniel felt the urge to scream at Elena… doesn’t she understand… but he knew very well it’s not gonna work. He just needs to be calm for this to work.

“Daniel? Listen to me now…”

“No, I won’t listen, I know what he needs and performing tonight is truly the last thing he needs!”

“Daniel… I’ll tie you up and gag your stupid mouth if I have to, but you’ll listen to me, for god’s sake!”

Daniel fell silent. Do not scream, stay calm.

“Get him on stage tonight. Nothing else matters. For him. Nothing. Else. Matters. Get him on stage, Danny boy, do you think he’ll ever forgive you if you don’t?”

“Will I ever forgive myself if I do?” Daniel sighed knowing he is just about to lose this battle. And he’s probably not gonna win this war either.

“I think you got the point!” she hung up.

Daniel returned to the bedroom and carefully eased himself on the bed next to Darren. He wrapped his arms around his now relaxed body and felt tears welling up in his throat. Can’t cry now, Danny, can’t cry now… He felt his body convulsing under struggle to hold down the tears and he pressed his head into the curve of Darren’s shoulder. He was gently stroking Darren’s back as he would be comforting the singer. But instead he was sobbing himself.

The sun was already shining brightly through the half closed curtains, Daniel hadn’t let go of Darren’s body and his face was still wet with tears. He felt Darren move. Heard a silent sigh escape his lips. Darren moved his face closer to Daniel and whispered in his ear, “I am such a trouble, am I not?”

to be continued...
- 18
- 19
- 20
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Breaking Through