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On fire	By : Kat1975 Category: Individual Celebrities > Gerard Butler Views: 7043 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction. I do not know Gerard Butler. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

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Chapter 19

Gerry’s hand was brushed off her shoulder as she spun around to face him. Caught in a paradox place somewhere in-between being lost for words and without orientation amongst the many questions that had arisen, she hesitated at first but then started to direct the questions at him in the wild order they surfaced.

“Why did you never tell me what you really do? Can you imagine how stupid I feel? I always thought you didn’t like what you do and tried not to torture you with questions…!”__Gerry lifted his arms in a rather helpless gesture “listen to me…just let me explain!” When she looked at him wordless he proceeded “I know I should have told you…but in the beginning we…you know…we did not really know where this was going and then…I mean…”

When he saw her eyes blaze angrily he groaned inwardly and knew that the wrong words had left his mouth before he had thought about what we was about to say. Her angry voice echoed off the cobbled, narrow street “so you decided that it would not matter whether you would lie to me since I was only an unimportant shag?”

“No! Hey that is unfair now! And anyway…I did train as a lawyer, so it was not really a lie.” At this point he realized that it had still been a lie since it was not what he had been doing for years and years.

“I just…wanted you to get to know me... I…uh…you know…I love what I am doing…but sometimes it’s difficult to know whether someone is interested in me as a person or just in the character of one of my roles or the frickin fact that I am an actor!”

When Tamsin remained silent he quickly carried on, trying to assemble the right words in the right order. “When we spent more time together it felt so good to just be Gerry the guy who grew up in Glasgow…it felt good to know that if you liked me, it was for nothing more or less than me…not because of what I do.”

After a short pause he put his hands onto her shoulders “you know…sometimes the whole celebrity thing can get a bit too much and then it all feels so…unreal…” he struggled to express his feelings “…and all I really want to be for a while is just…myself...”

Then he added more calmly, as if he had finally extracted the simple truth from entangled thoughts “and with you I was exactly that. No more, no less.” He drew in a deep breath and saw that the angry fire in her eyes had died down “I know I should have not let you find out like that” he gestured towards the poster behind her “but when I realized that I needed to tell you, I kind of was waiting for the right moment…”

Disappointment resonated in her voice when she responded to his explanations “The right moment…and when would that have been?” There was now a nearly tangible tension in Gerry’s voice “every time I wanted to tell you, I ended up not doing it because I did not want to destroy that moment. I was simply afraid that you would change, that your behavior towards me would change. I was afraid that you would stop seeing me the way you see me…saw me…”

She studied his face that usually radiated confidence and strength, now she could read insecurity in it. Tamsin simply nodded and felt as if all wind had been taken out of her sails. “I think I kind of understand Gerry. But I don’t have the slightest clue how famous you actually are!? This film…” she turned around to the poster “Dear Frankie…is that one of many films or…?”

“Well, I have been in a few more…” Gerry shrugged. But this was not enough detail for Tamsin “What films? Tell me some titles or do I need to beg you?”

“Ummm…well you probably have not heard of them either if you have not seen any of them. Well…Attila, Phantom of the Opera, Tomb Raider 2…and some others” he finally offered. Two films Gerry had named, Phantom and Tomb Raider rang a bell although she had never seen them. What she knew full well although was that they were blockbusters. “So what kind of role did you have in Phantom and Tomb Raider?” He again hesitated torn between pride about his roles and uneasiness with the subject “the Phantom and Lara Croft’s sidekick in Tomb Raider” She simply nodded.

Gerry took a strand of hair between his fingers, swept it out of her face and tucked it behind her ear “come on let’s not make a big deal out of this Tam. Please! I should have told you and I am sorry. So I am an actor…there’s worse” he gave her a goofy smile.

When she silently studied his face, she discovered vulnerability in his eyes. “Gerry…I…you are right. No big deal. But I need some time to digest this. OK?” He tilted his head looking questioningly at her “some time as in an hour, a day…?”

“Look I just need to get my thoughts into something that resembles order and for that I need to be alone for a little while. Just a stroll to the quay, let the sea breeze clear my head and then I’ll come back to the hotel, alright?”

“Listen it is pitch dark…” “Gerry I will be fine. This is Rye not London.”

Maybe she was right so he stepped forward and hugged her close to him. He was relieved to feel her relax into his embrace and felt her cheek reassuringly rest on his shoulder. With a sigh Gerry pulled away, gave her a quick kiss onto her forehead and let her go.

A short time later Tamsin wandered at a slow pace along the Rye esplanade, with the crashing waves of the sea providing a soothing backdrop to her racing thoughts about their talk. She felt still stupid and somewhat disappointed, but the most prominent feeling was newborn insecurity.

When she was just about to climb down the few steps that led onto the beach, a group of quite obviously drunken guys caught her eye. The group of four was heading her way and their exchange of words was both loud as well as unintelligible.

Tamsin quickened her steps and soon felt the soft sand under her feet. She exhaled deeply; glad having fled the street above. “

Oy you! Hey chick! Cum to daddy!” she spun around and saw the group of guys coming down the stairs. She started to walk as confidently as possible towards the next set of stairs that would lead her back onto the streets of Rye.

“Hey cum ‘ere cutie...I jus’ wanna say hi darlin’…” Tamsin turned and faced them retorting “No. I’ll have to go back now. Have a good night guys” and although she tried to sound calm, her heart was racing in her chest. She turned back, quickened her pace and cursed the fact that the distance between the stairs leading back into the relative safety of the lit street was so big.

When she realized that someone came running after her, Tamsin immediately sped up but stumbled and had to regain her balance. Far too late she saw the large piece of driftwood and fell over it. By the time she was back on her feet again someone gripped her shoulder from behind and when she tried to shake the hand off, the person grasped her arm roughly and yanked it behind her back.

She yelped as a sharp pain shot through her mistreated limb and yelled angrily “let go of me! Leave me alone!” The person who held her laughed and she smelled alcohol as his breath wafted through the air. Tamsin was at a severe disadvantage as she had by now sunken onto her knees. When she struggled once more, she felt another arm on her, which was obviously trying to still her by getting a hold on her from behind.

As the other voices seemed to close in on her too; she bent her head and bit the arm that held her as hard as she could. A cry of pain penetrated the darkness and Tamsin was freed from the restricting grasp, but only to be slapped hard in her face. Her cheek stung from the hard impact and when the dizzy feeling subsided, it made place for a hot pain.

Then Tamsin saw the shadowy figures of the group gathered around her on the hardly lit beach. The sand below her feet suddenly felt as unstable as quicksand. It took a moment until she could understand what was being said. “You are one cheeky bitch, aren’t ya?” a face came very close to hers and the sour, alcohol laden breath made her nearly start to retch.

Someone held her chin roughly and then pushed her down. “Hey, hey guys…don’t rough her up too much” one of the shadows said. “That fucking bitch bit me!” and then another person asked, “Well how do you wanna pay her back Pete?” Laughter broke out at that point and in Tamsin’s ears it sounded like the surreal hollow laughter of the devil impersonated.

Then the same shadow that had already taken her side before urged the others “hey, mates come on leave her alone…that’s enough” When someone pulled her forcefully into a standing position, it was not to let her go “Not too fast…she’ll have to be a lot nicer to make up for that nasty bite before we let her go.”

Suddenly one of the guys had a strong hold on her from behind, his arm directly under her chin and she was pressed against a body. Tamsin writhed but stopped when the grip on her throat tightened and she suddenly had difficulties to breathe.

The voice that was her only hope yelled “that’s not funny anymore…let her go…come on! What the fuck are you doin?” The only response from one of his buddies was “shut the fuck up or fuck off!” and then Tamsin saw with desperation how her only chance to be freed, started to curse and then walked away out of reach.

The stars above seemed to melt into the oblique, dark night sky and she was more afraid than she could ever remember. There were still three guys in control of her and panic overcame her like an unstoppable avalanche as one of the shadows closed in.

Tamsin yelled on the top of her lungs, but was quickly silenced by the hand of a guy who now pressed his body against her “shut up or I’ll make you shut up bitch!” She panted under the hand that smelled of urine, alcohol and something else and made it so difficult for her to breathe. His breath stroked her skin unpleasantly “feel that? You like that, don’t you?” and she realized with horror that he felt his hardness pressed against her thigh.

A hand started to fumble with her top and panic thick as tar clogged her body. The third guy who until now had stayed out of the happenings was laughing nastily at his friend’s words, but then let out a loud, surprised yelp when someone struck him hard from behind. He went down before he knew what was going on.

A loud angry voice cut through the fog in Tamsin’s brain “you fucking arseholes…let her go or you’ll regret it for the rest of your fucking lives! NOW!” Then the arm that held her around her throat was painfully yanked away and Tamsin swallowed a gulp of air that both hurt and felt like heaven in her lungs.

The guy in front of her seemed to be mesmerized in his drunkenness for a moment, but then let go of her to help his friend. Only then Tamsin turned around to where the fight was going on. With both shock and immense relief intermingling she realized that it was Gerry who had found her.

But he had to fight three guys at once and although her attackers were drunk, she realized that he was still at a disadvantage. She staggered towards the group and after not knowing what to do for a moment, she jumped onto the back of one of them just as another went down from a hard blow Gerry had planted on his jaw. She desperately clung to the neck of the guy who staggered under her weight.

The triumph Tamsin felt vanished rapidly as an elbow crashed down hard onto her cheek. Her head spun and she slid along his back to sink down into a heap on the sand. Before blackness melted into blackness, as her cheek and hands made contact with the sand she thought that the fine grains of the sand seemed to have captured much of the day’s warmth.

**

As the dim world came back into focus, two strong arms helped her into a kneeling position and Gerry’s face, concern written all over it, appeared in her field of vision. “I’m alright. Are they gone?” was all she could get out although she felt all but not alright.

Gerry hissed in relief and wrapped her into his arms “yeah, these fucking bastards took off”. The panic inside her slowly subsided as she felt his heartbeat fast but steady underneath her. “Can you get up honey?” he inquired after a little while and she nodded, but then struggled and needed his help to get back onto her feet.

After some stumbling steps they were back onto the street. Then, without knowing how they had actually had gotten there, Tamsin realized with relief that they were about to step over the threshold of their room.

She stuttered “thank you Gerry…thank you…I don’t know…” “Shhhh…it’s OK now Tam” Once they were inside the safe constraints of their temporary four walls, Gerry yanked Tamsin close to him, harder than he had actually intended to.

He held her and gently rocked her in his arms in an attempt to soothe her just as much as in an attempt to regain his cool. She remained silent and limp in his arms and all that gave away any agitation was her quickened breath and fast heartbeat that he felt beat in conjunction with his own. When he shut his eyes, he thought of what might have happened had he not decided to go after her halfway back to the hotel.

Gerry relived how he had reached the waterfront half running, as even before he had realized the severity of the situation, a sick feeling had settled in the pit of his stomach. He tried to shove away the pictures he had witnessed and lifted her up to gently lay her down onto the bed where she immediately coiled up into a ball.

“Tam let me get these clothes off you and get you into your pajamas” She shook her head at that and he reluctantly pulled the blanket over her. “Anything I can do for you? Are you hurt?” he asked feeling helpless and excluded from her world.

She shook her head and he stared at her for a moment checking for visible injuries. Once he too had slipped underneath the sheets she crawled closer to him and whispered “thank you Gerry…I don’t know what would have happened without you there on the beach”

He bridged the short distance between them, held her close to him and felt his breath catch in his breast as a sudden, unexpected and violent fear of loss welled up. Gerry felt Tamsin’s vulnerability nearly as tangible as her body his arms and a feeling of affectionateness made him shiver slightly.

**

Gerry woke up with a start as the body he had held jolted up and a half-stifled scream hung in the thick blackness of the nightly room. He scrambled to turn on the light and felt around for Tamsin at the same time.

Before he was able to find the light switch, Gerry felt skin underneath the palm of his hand, which to his dismay only entailed in a renewed and louder scream that comprised the fear and much of the horror Tamsin had been unable to express earlier on. He finally managed to turn on the light, which thrust aside the bone-crushing blackness of the night.

All the same the light showed her panic-stricken face as she was still caught somewhere in-between the horrors of what she had just relived in her dream and the reality of her safe surroundings. Whereas Tamsin had not shed a single tear earlier on, she now collapsed into herself and started to sob before he could react in any way.

“Shhhhh…it’s OK…it’s OK…darling I’m here…it’s me! Shhhhhhhhh” Gerry tried to soothe her without any obvious effect. Her whole body shook in heartbreaking sobs that told of her anguish. Carefully Gerry extended his hand to stroke over her hair, brushing damp strands of hair out of her face.

She lay on her side, tears streaming down her cheeks leaving wet trails of despair, hoarse sobs penetrated the stillness and her body continued to convulse as it was caught in physical agony.

Gerry, helpless and unsettled by her intense display of pain, let his hand again and again run over her hair, along the side of her face, brushed away the seemingly endless amount of tears and repeated the same words over and over again “it’s OK…it’s OK…everything will be alright…I won’t let anyone hurt you again Tam…I promise”

After a while her increasingly hoarse sobs slowly died down and the stream of tears out of her swollen, red eyes ebbed away. When only now and then single exhausted sobs made her body shake, she croaked in a low, reluctant voice “Gerry…can you hold me…please?”

He looked at her tear stained, swollen face and gently wiped away the remaining tears and the clear, wet trail of her running nose. Her hand flew up and an embarrassed look crossed her face “oh god I’m sorry…that is terrible…I’m a complete mess”.

A small smile showed on his face as he slightly shook his head and used the t-shirt he wore to wipe away all the wet traces on her face. When he drew her into a close embrace against his chest, with both arms protectively wrapped around her, Tamsin suddenly believed the words he had repeated over and over again...that all would be good.

**

Thereafter Gerry’s sleep was often disturbed and shallow for the rest of the night. Only when the first rays of the morning light broke through the narrow gap where the thick red cloth of the curtains nearly met, he fell into a deeper slumber. Tamsin had not moved in his arms and from pure observation he was glad that she seemed to sleep less disturbed and deeper than he did.

When he woke up quite a while later, his arm felt numb from the reduced blood supply as Tamsin lying on top of it. The slight flexing of the muscles in his limb was enough to make him nearly wince when he felt the unpleasant tingling and prickling sensation in his arm.

Gerry carefully lifted Tamsin just enough to free his arm, but she woke up nonetheless and turned around blinking sleepily at him. He grimaced at her “morning honey” and planted a kiss onto her forehead. Only then he saw the bruises on her face and drew in a sharp breath.

Stroking her hair out of her face he had a closer look “you got some nice bruises on your face honey”. The horror she had experienced, which had been safely tucked away as long as the embrace of Gerry’s arms had shielded her from the world, came back to her.

She groaned and tried to laugh it off “darn…that stupid gash from when I hit my head has just healed and now that! What about you Gerry…are you alright?” He shrugged “nothing worth mentioning”. He observed relief showing on her face and how she then struggled for words “I…I…Gerry…thank you”

Gerry leaned forward and kissed her nose “promise that this was your last thank you…will you?” Alright, alright! I need a shower…” and he watched her with a fair amount of concern as she walked in last night’s clothes towards the bathroom.

Tamsin closed the bathroom door and leaned against. Suddenly there was an overwhelming urge to get rid of the clothes she had refused to shed hours ago. A quick glance at her face in the mirror showed her nothing dramatic, only a mild physical manifestation of the violence she had experienced. The internal wounds were far deeper and prove more difficult to heal.

The clothes covering her skin suddenly felt contaminated and she threw them onto a pile and quickly stepped into the shower. Hot water prickled soothingly on her skin, but the violent pictures came flashing back with a vengeance.

When Tamsin, wrapped into a big towel, stepped out of the bathroom Gerry was on the phone. So she sat down close to him and he changed the hand he held the mobile with, to run his right hand over her damp hair and then commenced to stroke her neck while he spoke to the person on the other end.

He finally ended the call with a sigh “that was my assistant…she has her hands full with what’s going on at the moment…” “And it surely does not help that you’re down here with me…” Tamsin said with a guilty undertone. Gerry’s hand halted in the middle of its stroking motion and he gently squeezed her neck “believe me, I can do with the break and this wretched list anyway never seems to shorten whatever I do!”

Gerry saw a little smile play around the corners of her mouth and then before he knew what was happening, he felt her lips pressed onto his. His hands grasped her naked shoulders and he only reluctantly reciprocated her searing kiss.

When her tongue was seeking entrance to his mouth he tensed and when he felt a hand on his crotch while the other started to fumble with the t-shirt he had slept in, he tore himself away from her and held her at an arms length, as if to make sure that she could not resume weakening his defenses.

Tamsin felt the questioning look of his eyes on her face and looked down as tears suddenly blurred her vision. She felt his fingers lift her chin carefully up. By closing her eyes she tried in vain to hide her true emotions.

“Tam I don’t know what to do and how to react right now…see I don’t think this is a good idea. You’re upset and you have every right to be so after what has happened.” Tamsin realized that Gerry seemed genuinely concerned and had felt the turmoil that she was caught in “I…just wanted to feel…feel something stronger than all these horrible memories from last night…feel something that erases all of that”

Gerry put his arms around her shoulders and pulled her close “I am afraid it does not work like that gorgeous…I wish it would” and then he added whispering into her ear “I wish I could take all these horrible memories away from you…but I can’t” She smiled at him, deeply grateful for his sincere care.

Some time later Tamsin stirred in his arms and languidly connected her lips with his. This time he stopped her not. Gerry let her lead in her every move and although reluctant, followed her body as she slowly lay down on her side. He faced her now, completely still, their bodies only centimetres apart but not touching.

She extended her hand and felt his face soft and at places stubbly under her fingertips as traced along the outline of his lips to study his face like a three dimensional map she needed to remember in its every detail. Their lips met again and were the gentle conveyors of things both unspoken as well as unspeakable for the two. So tentative was their meeting that any observer might have concluded that it was their first and in its meaning one could well call it so.

Lacking all urgency or lust of its predecessors, this kiss was all deliberation and gentleness as two pairs of lips were touching slowly and carefully. They tasted and savored this pure and simple moment, both being completely in the there and then without future or past, there was nothing but now.

They kissed without track of time and did not care about its steady passing either. Some time later Tamsin pulled his t-shirt over his willingly outstretched arms without haste and touched and tasted every inch of the skin that now lay uncovered. When she took off her white towel he reciprocated her deliberate exploration and admiration, as he touched and kissed every inch of bare skin so trustingly offered to him.

Gerry felt his arousal grow, but did not allow it to hasten his actions or run out of control. Nonetheless their excitement grew in unison and quickened breath met quickened breath halfway between their mouths that invited each other.

No words but only sharp intakes of breath left their lips as their bodies were catching fire. Gerry moaned lowly when Tamsin bridged the gap between them and he felt her naked body against his skin and the hardness in his boxers.

She kissed him deeply and let her tongue glide slowly into his mouth. When Tamsin, lying on her side, slung her leg around his waist a groan escaped from some place deep down his throat. He moved his hips slightly and felt his now straining erection press against her loin.

Tamsin ground against him with slow, measured motions and he closed his eyes as his face was screwed up in a concentrated look, his mouth framed by lips that lightly trembled. She then slid down his body to dispose of his boxers with his help and studied his erection once it was freed from its constraints.

When they kissed again they were on fire, but it was not the fickle, blaring bonfire of the days before, it was the steady and low flame of two souls in synchrony. Gerry kissed her deeply and gasped inside her mouth as her leg once more was slung around his waist and he felt the tip of his hard length enveloped by her warm wetness.

He reigned himself and left her in complete control, waiting for her to slide onto him. When she did so, he closed his eyes and hissed, but then groaned upon hearing her moan when she felt him buried deeply inside her, filling her completely.

It cost him all his determination to keep still and not move inside her, but soon her painstakingly slow movements, that made him shiver with desire as his throbbing arousal was gliding in and out of her, rewarded him.

With more clarity than he could ever remember he felt their lovemaking with all his senses. Breathed in her alluring scent, tasted her lips and mouth, felt her skin on his and her silky hair under his fingertips, heard her breath and moan, felt her tight, hot wetness welcome his hardness into her body.

There was intensity and intimacy involved he had nearly forgotten existed and made him shiver. He started to carefully meet her thrusts without rushing to an early climax, as he fully savoured the slow and intense build up.

But after a while he reached a state of arousal that made it hard not to fall into a frantic pace to find release. His every thrust was met by her and he felt the whole of his body tingle with excitement that shut out more and more of the details he had so vividly experienced moments before.

Tamsin felt arousal rush trough her body and with its ascent, she felt all else vanish into unimportance. Once more she realized how much she enjoyed witnessing Gerry’s arousal and admired how beautiful and expressive his features were, as they showed a whole range of emotions during their lovemaking for her alone to enjoy and read.

Unknowingly to her, Gerry felt just the same admiration for her beauty and lively display of pleasure, excitement, admiration and arousal on her face. But moreover and for the first time they both felt a deeper connection that arose over the one caused by the pure duality of their shared act.

When Gerry climaxed it was absolute and overpowered his very being. It felt as if the sky came crashing into the sea, as his body shook together with hers in orgasmic delirium. His muscles convulsed under her hands and he spilled into her what ultimately is the most intimate to give from one human being to another by carrying the potential to bring new life into existence.
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