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Ship wrecked	By : KarinVAM Category: Singers/Bands/Musicians > HIM Views: 3333 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction. I do not know the members of HIM. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
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Bam felt safe now he had Ville’s arms around him. Not as tight as usual. Not
as warm, not just yet. But they were there none the less.

Finally he was given the chance to explain himself. Finally he could at least try to make him understand.

That was all he could do, hoping Ville would. Hoping Ville would get what it was like to live inside his head. How his fucked up life had caused him to make the wrong decisions. How twisted his look on reality really was, and had become. But he was learning.

Ever since the day he'd set foot on this island, he'd been learning.
How to become stronger, and how to deal with the pain. How to deal with love. Ville taught him that, but still he had a long way to go. He knew that. He realized that now, looking back.

There was a silence again as they sat there, neither knowing how to start. Ville looked at Bam’s widened eyes and knew it was time for him to start this. To let Bam know it was okay for him to explain. That he would listen this time. Not without judging him, but at least with a fair trial.

“So explain Bam. Make me understand.”
He simply sighed, making Bam nod shyly and look into his eyes before the deep pools of blue turned back to the matching sea.

“I-I’m not sure I know how…”

Bam was frightened. He had begged for this opportunity, but now he had it…..he knew how much this moment would decide important things for them. He didn’t want to fuck it up.
Even more.

“Well try. I think I deserve at least that much.”
And of course Ville was right. But his mind was racing. He just didn’t know where to start. He didn’t want to say too little words, nor too many.

He wanted to say just the right thing. The truth about this feelings and his thoughts.
Unfortunately he’d never been good with words.

Ville looked at Bam, almost seeing the storm going on inside the boys head. His eyes was squinting against the sun, slowly swelling and turning a deep purple. Oh how he wished he could think Bam deserved it. That he wouldn’t feel so damn guilty for hurting his Bammie. It must really hurt like a bitch, but Bam didn't complain once, and Ville even noticed he stopped himself wincing from the pain when he tried to blink. Hoping Ville wouldn’t notice.

Knowing all this, he shouldn’t pressure him. He knew just as well that words would come eventually.

“Let’s go for a little walk Bam. Take some time to calm down. You like that?”
He said, almost in a motherly way, his voice becoming more gently, making Bam turn to him again and nod shyly.

Ville stood up from the sand, offering his hand to Bam, who took it so he could easily get up.
The scars on his arms reminding Ville what their relationship had already been through. And conquered.

Bam turned to his side, seeing Ville looking at him with eyes that reflected something he felt too. Something he couldn’t describe. It was the mix of hope, fear, affection and regret. And it was the most impossible mix.

They walked closer to the water, where the sand was easier to walk on, and Ville felt Bam’s fingertips brushing his as they took a slow stroll over the coastline. It was really a feather light touch, but Ville knew he wanted to touch him. And no matter what had happened, he wanted to give him that, so he enlaced their fingers as they walked.

Bam felt a spark being lit within him when Ville’s hand wrapped around his own, like old time. Well, like days ago anyway.

He felt his grip around the hand getting stronger with every step, as he began to feel more hope, and more assurance that Ville wasn’t here, next to him, to give up on him. He loved him just the same, and therefore he would give him a chance if he would explain.

It wasn’t worth wasting time and letting this wall hanging in between them.

After a ten minute walk in silence, he knew it was time, and that he was ready to get real with himself and his lover.

“Three boats Ville. I hid three boats from you.”
He quietly confessed when they came close to the boat that was their bed. Knowing that was a question on Ville's mind.

There was a silence where Ville looked stunned for a second, then nodded and took a deep breath.

“When?”

“These last two weeks.”

“So there’re a lot of boats out there huh?”

Ville felt surprised when he realized he hadn’t ever noticed this. He had never looked out over the sea for help since Bam and he…..

“I think they're searching for us.”
Bam spoke honestly, and he knew he was right.

Ville suddenly realized one part of Bam’s fear. They were looking for them. Eventually they would set food on this island. They wouldn’t attract a ship by waving and step on board, going where they would want to go. They were being looked for, which meant there were expectations when they were discovered.

Relatives, friends…they would ask so many questions and take up so much of their time. Both being taken to their homes, so far apart. Ville knew Bam was scared by all of this, even though he had no doubt in his mind it would work out. He didn’t believe in a lot of things, but one thing he had always believed in was love.

It wouldn't be easy. But still, that wouldn't have to mean anything.

“Why are you so convinced we can’t make it through this Bam? What makes you doubt I don’t want you when we go back there? What did I do to…”

“You think it’s about us? It’s not.”

Bam interrupted Ville’s voice while raising his voice a little. How could he explain this?

“What are you…?”

“That is the difference Ville. It's been about just us here on this island. Just us. That's all we know. Basically…it’s what our relationship is built on. How…..How can we just go out there and make it work, with so many other things and so many other people? Different homes, different countries. Different everything. We can’t just pick up where we left off.”
And as he explained, Bam knew what had been bothering him. It hadn’t been about the instability of their love, because it was strong. It was about everything else. He turely realized that for the first time now.

And he expected Ville to get angry. Or to agree. But he just sighed with a shaking head and tired eyes.

“Bam….why do you make this so difficult? Why are you so positive that the word will hate what we are?Yes, it will be hard, but we can do this. We will sort all that out and worry when those days come. That's early enough. Now all I want to do is go home, see my family again and have you meet them, as I will meet yours. Drink some coffee, have a bath with lots of soap, watch Sponge Bob and crawl into a nice warm bed together with you. How can that be bad Bam?”

He tried to fight his voice getting thick with emotions, but failed miserably. Thinking about home, and how wonderful it could be. The images in his head, the dreams he dreamed at night about their life back home…he wanted to have that.

Bam’s eyes became misty as he finally realized what he had truly done. He had kept Ville from his family, and from his life. From their life. Even if their relationship wouldn’t work out the way he wanted it to, then still that was no reason to do what he had done.

Ville’s life wasn’t like his. Ville was happy at home. Ville had something to live for. And he was keeping him from it. Ville’s voice brought him back to the world as his words broke through his guilt and spread a warmth inside him.

Ville had thought about their life. He had it all planned out. He wasn’t seeing a future without him.

“We'll buy a house together. You'll skate, and I'll sing.”

“Where?” Bam interrupted him with a soft voice, making Ville smile.
“Anywhere Bam. It doesn’t matter.”

“Can I come live with you in Helsinki then? I don’t want to stay in Westchester. I want to start over.”

It was true, Bam really couldn’t see his life with Ville back at home. Where he had experienced so much pain. He wanted to leave his old house. His old life. His old country and continent.

Ville eyes widened for a second, thinking about how wonderful that would be. There was so much in his home country he wanted to show Bam.

“Of course Bam. And we'll go out at night, and go to concerts. We'll buy a dog and adopt some kids. We’ll live a wonderful life. That's how I see it, and I wish you could too.”
Ville sighed, looking at Bam with hopeful eyes while he grabbed hold of both his hands now. Standing across from him.

Bam couldn’t help but finally smile, knowing Ville was right. He could be truly happy again in the real word. With or without Ville, he would start over. He just desperately hoped it was with Ville. And in his heart, he knew it was. That Ville was in this like he was. And that Ville understood his heart and mind.

Giving him such security was the greatest gift he could ever give him, and he felt his heart swell.

“But you're allergic to dogs.” Was all he stated, not needing to say more when he saw Ville’s eyes sparkle.

“I know, I just wanted to make the picture perfect. But no way in hell we're getting a dog. I'll die.” He nodded, making Bam laugh. Seeing his boy so vulnerable with his swollen eye and flushed cheeks. obviously so ashamed for what he had done, made him weak.

He had thought he would never forgive him, and he had forgiven him in a day. And that wasn’t weak, that was love. And he had never felt it this strong.

He knew no matter what, they would not be separated.

“I’ve been so selfish Ville. I am so sorry.” Bam grew more serious, but Ville only smiled.

“Well, I've been selfish too. It’s okay now. I understand. Our live’s weren't the same. We both expected…something else. But that will change now okay? It will be fine. It will be more than fine.”
It was a promise, and Bam believed him. He finally did. For the first time, he was ready to go home.

“Please kiss me.”

And in an instant, Bam felt Ville’s soft lips on his own. His arm wrapped around Bam’s neck, pulling him closer as he moaned. Ville knew trust would have to be built again. But in time, that would all work out. He knew where Bam came from, and he knew he could never blame
him for his disappointment in the world. But he was positive he could change that image.

Bam tongue begged for entrance as he slid it gently across Ville’s lower lip. Ville opened up to him immediately, opening his mouth and gasping as Bam’s tongue caressed his own gently. Making sweet little purring noises that filled Ville’s ears like music.

The kiss was sweet and slow and pure heaven. It was not an expression of their lust, or their need. It was an expression of their love, and nothing more. It was to find the connection they had lost for a night. And it was back, in all it’s glory.

Ville panted as he broke away to breath, feeling his throat tighten a bit from the excitement rushing through him. His forehead rested against Bam’s as he panted slightly, smiling as he looked into Bam’s sparkling eyes.

“I am so glad I have you back.” Bam said as he smiled widely.

“You never lost me. I could never leave you Bam. You are my weakness, I can’t help myself.” Ville spoke, making Bam giggle as he gently kissed he cheek over and over again.

Then, he suddenly felt Ville head jerk a little, and pulling back he looked at the sea. Knowing what Ville was seeing. Adrenaline rushing through his body.

Yes, as he had expected, there was another ship, not far from them. They were indeed searching for them, he realized. And they were coming closer. This was it.

“Ville”, he spoke, seeing the older men looking at the white giant in the water with a blank expression.

“Ville, they're here. We can make them see us. We can go home now.” Bam said, stroking Ville’s face as his voice shook slightly. He couldn’t help but feel scared.

But Ville words made him calm down. Ville was giving him time to get used to the idea, and that was just what he needed right now.

“Not today Bam. They'll be back. Not today.”

As always dedicated to my angel: Punksbitch!
Thanks for all the support!!You people leave the coolest and funniest reviews!!
2 more chaps to go!!
- 18
- 19
- 20
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Ship wrecked