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Forbidden	By : n4n4mi Category: Dir en grey > General Views: 2209 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction. I do not know the members of Dir en grey. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

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Chapter 17

Toshiya was panicking. His whole body was shaking and he couldn't control it. And to make the situation even worse, Kyo wouldn't even look at him. The older boy was staring at his feet in silence. Toshiya was hoping that Kyo would say something, anything, to break the horrible silence between them. He couldn't stand moments like this...

”Last night... was weird”, Kyo finally spoke. ”What was going on?”

Toshiya's heart was pounding faster than ever before. ”I... I can't explain it”, he said quietly. ”I don't know what got into me. I wasn't thinking clearly and-”

”You kissed me.”

Toshiya was quiet for a while, before nodding. He turned his head so he was able to look at the older boy. However, Kyo quickly broke the eyecontact, looking nervous. ”I know”, Toshiya whispered, embarrassed.

”Why did you do it, Toshiya?” Kyo asked right away. ”Are you gay?”

Toshiya shook his head quickly. ”No, of course not. It's not like that!” he breathed. ”I wasn't thinking clearly, I was drunk and everything was so strange and... I don't know why I did it.”

Kyo finally turned to look at him straight into his eyes. ”Are you telling me the truth? It was just because we had been drinking alcohol?”

”Yes”, Toshiya lied, feeling horrible inside. He wanted to tell Kyo the truth, but he wasn't man enough to do it. He was a coward. He'd rather be near Kyo as friends than ruin their friendship by telling Kyo how much he loved him. ”I'm straight. And you are my best friend. I wouldn't be interested in you that way.”

Kyo looked relieved and that moment Toshiya knew that he had made the right decision. Even though it hurt like hell, he had done the right thing.

”Thank god”, Kyo said with a heavy sigh. ”I thought that you're in love with me or something.”

”Well, you were wrong”, Toshiya said back. ”Does this mean that everything's alright between us?”

Kyo nodded. ”Why not...” he answered calmly. But for real, he wasn't calm at all. Because he knew that Toshiya wasn't telling him the whole truth. He could see in Toshiya's eyes that he was lying. The kiss had been more than a drunken mistake and they both knew it. But they were also both too scared to speak about it a loud.

”I thought that you wouldn't want to be my friend anymore”, Toshiya said quietly. ”Are you really okay with it?”

”I am”, Kyo answered, but deep inside him he knew that this had changed everything. He wouldn't be able to forget the kiss or Toshiya's behavior after the kiss. Toshiya had some feelings for him and sooner or later they would be in the same situation again. He knew it.

***

”Shinya, aren't you going to introduce your friend?”

Daisuke gulped, looking at Shinya's mother who was standing in front of them. She was a short and thin woman with a natural black hair and brown eyes. And boy she looked just like Shinya. You could really tell that they were related.

”Fine then”, Shinya said, sounding frustrated. ”Mom, this my friend. His name is Daisuke. Daisuke, this is my mom.”

”Nice to meet you, Daisuke”, Shinya's mother said.

”Nice to meet you too, mrs. Terachi”, Daisuke said back, very nervous.

”I haven't seen you earlier. You must be a new friend of my son. How old are you?”, Shinya's mother muttered, looking at him from head to toes. Daisuke could tell that Shinya's mother didn't like him. And for certain, she didn't like his hair colour.

”I'm... 19”, Daisuke admitted, feeling like an idiot.

”19?” Shinya's mother repeated, staring at him strangely. ”Shinya is 15. Aren't you too old to hang out with my son?”

”Mom!” Shinya growled angrily. ”He's not too old! Four years is not much. Besides, he's actually a very nice guy. He has helped me a lot at school. He has given me some extra math lessons with his best friend Kaoru.”

Shinya's mother seemed to finally calm down a bit.

”Oh, really?” she asked and finally smiled in a friendly way. ”That's a nice thing to do. I'm sorry, I'm just a bit worried about Shinya. She's still so young and I don't want him to get into any trouble. I know Tooru well, but since you are a new friend, I have my own doubts... You know what I mean, don't you?”

”Yeah”, Daisuke said. ”It's alright. And trust me, I won't get Shinya into any trouble...” But after Shinya's mother had left the two of them alone, Shinya said with a wide grin on his face: ”Hah, imagine how shocked my mom would be if she knew what we did last night!”

”Shut up!” Daisuke hissed. ”Don't say a word anymore. You've done enough harm already!”

”You're still mad at me about last night?” Shinya asked with a sigh. ”Come on, Daisuke-kun, you can't be serious! It wasn't anything bad...”

”Yes it was”, Daisuke hissed. ”I still think that you should have stopped me.”

”There's nothing I could have done. You wouldn't have stopped even if I had tried very hard”, Shinya said. ”But I've said ten times already, I'm sorry.”

***

Yoshiki parked his car in front of Kaoru's house. “Thanks for everything, sensei”, Kaoru said. “I'll wash this shirt and give it back to you soon.” Kaoru pointed at the grey shirt on him that Yoshiki had borrowed him. That was because he didn't want to go home in girl's clothes which he had been wearing last night at the party. His father wouldn't understand if he saw him like that.

“Don't worry about it”, Yoshiki said. “You can bring it to school or to my house. There's no rush.”

Kaoru was already going to say goodbye and leave when he saw the front door of his family's house open and his father came outside, starting to walk towards the car.

“I guess you'll have to stay for a coffee”, Kaoru said with a grin and stepped out of the car. So did Yoshiki.

“Good afternoon”, Kaoru's father said and eyed at his son. Then he turned to look at Yoshiki. “Yoshiki-san, come and have some coffee. You aren't busy, are you?”

“No, I'm not”, Yoshiki said and smiled.

“I hope my son wasn't any trouble to you”, Kaoru's father said and Kaoru was a bit embarrassed. His father was right. He had probably ruined Yoshiki's weekend.

“No, it's totally fine”, Yoshiki answered. “I'm used to taking care of students. It's part of my job. Besides, Kaoru wasn't the only student that was sleeping at my house.”

*** Few months later ***

Daisuke was sitting in a café with Shinya. They were hand in hand, looking at each other in the eyes, smiling. They had forgotten their argument for a long time ago already. They were interrupted when Kyo and Toshiya arrived, and Kaoru returned from the toilet.

“So it is true?” Toshiya asked right away, after sitting to one of the chairs, next to Kyo. “You two are finally together?”

“Yeah, finally”, Daisuke admitted, smiling shyly. “We are dating.”

“Aaaaww... that's cute”, Toshiya said, giggling. Kyo turned to look at him, thoughtfully. The more he spent time with Toshiya, the more he realised how gayish Toshiya was. Toshiya still hadn't admitted that he was gay, but Kyo knew the truth. He didn't tell it to his best friend though. He didn't want to make Toshiya feel embarrassed.

“You are a great couple indeed”, Kaoru commented.

“Hmm, Kaoru, have you had any luck with men?” Shinya suddenly asked. “After what happened between you and Gackt?”

“No, not really...” Kaoru said, blushing a bit. He didn't like the way Shinya kept talking about his private life in front of Toshiya and Kyo.

“No luck?” Shinya asked, looking disappointed. “That's a pity. I thought that you and Yoshiki had a thing.”

Toshiya and Kyo turned to look at Kaoru, shocked. Kaoru was shocked too. “What? No, of course not!” he breathed. “He's my teacher. I wouldn't go out with my teacher anymore. Not after what happened with Gackt. It almost ruined my school year.”

Shinya smiled. “I know. But you'll graduate tomorrow. After tomorrow, he's not your teacher anymore. So...”

“Shinya!” Daisuke hissed, looking a bit angry.

“I agree, I don't want to talk about this anymore”, Kaoru said.

“I didn't know that you had a thing with Yoshiki-sensei”, Toshiya said, grinning.

“I don't! Quit talking shit”, Kaoru said angrily. “I wouldn't do that!”

“Why not? Come to think of it, he's pretty hot”, Shinya said, laughing loudly. “He has a good body.” Toshiya and Kyo also laughed. Daisuke was grinning a bit too.

“Stop!” Kaoru hissed again. “Or else I'm leaving!!!”

“Come on, don't be like that”, Daisuke said, grinning. “Besides, he's coming to your party tomorrow, right?”

“WHAT?” Toshiya breathed, eyes wide.

“My father told me to invite him, that's why”, Kaoru muttered. “And I don't have many quests tomorrow. Only Yoshiki and some of my relatives. Because Daisuke has his own party and Shinya goes there also.”

There was silent for a few seconds before Toshiya spoke: “I'll come! And Kyo is coming with me!” Kyo glared at his best friend, shocked. “Am I?” he growled, warningly.

“That's nice”, Kaoru said, smiling. “I won't have to be alone there.”

***

The next day at school, at the graduation ceremony, all last year students were nearly crying. It was a touching moment. They had been studying for so long and it was finally over. They had no idea what the future would be like.

Shinya was taking photos with his new camera and so did many other students. And after the ceremony, lots of people came to congratulate them. Shinya was the first one. First he hugged Kaoru, and soon he was kissing Daisuke. The two of them weren't embarrassed at all, though almost everyone was staring at them.

After some of Kaoru's relatives it was Gackt's turn to congratulate Kaoru. Before Kaoru could say anything, Gackt hugged him. Kaoru forced himself to smile a bit though he didn't feel like smiling at all.

“Congratulations, Kaoru”, Gackt said and smiled softly, after pulling back. When the older man noticed how nervous Kaoru looked, he added: “I'm sorry about everything. I really am. I never meant to hurt you, you know... I hope you can forgive me someday and we can be friends.”

“It's alright, Gackt-sensei”, Kaoru said quietly. “I'm not mad at you anymore. Don't worry.”

“Thank you”, Gackt said, smiling. “You have no idea how much better I feel now.” After finishing his sentence, Gackt turned around and left the room.

Kaoru was just standing there for a while, thinking of everything that had happened between him and Gackt. However, his thoughts were interrupted, because he heard someone say his name.

“Kaoru.”

Kaoru saw Yoshiki standing next to him, staring at him straight in to eyes. “Are you alright?”

“Yeah... I am”, Kaoru whispered. “I'm ok.”

“Forget about him”, Yoshiki sighed. “This is an important day for you. You should be happy.” He was silent for a while before he took a grab of Kaoru's shoulder and pulled him in for a hug. “Congratulations, Kaoru. I'm proud of you. Best grades of the year. You could become anything. A doctor, a teacher, what ever you want.”

“Eh... thanks”, Kaoru muttered and for his shock, he felt his cheeks start to heat. Because for some reason, it felt good to be held in Yoshiki's arms. For a while, he was wishing that Yoshiki would never let go, that they could be like this forever.

Yoshiki pulled away for a while later, looking at him with a smile on his lips. Kaoru stared back in to Yoshiki's eyes for a while, but broke the eyecontact only a while later. God, what was wrong with him?! Shinya must had brainwashed him last night! Else he wouldn't be thinking this way about Yoshiki!

“Umm... are you coming to my party?” Kaoru asked.

“Yes, yes I am. I'll just go home quickly and get you a present”, Yoshiki said.

“What? There's no need... I don't need anything from you”, Kaoru breathed. “You've been a great teacher. You didn't need to bother-”

“I know, but I wanted to”, Yoshiki sighed. “Anyway, I must go now. See you later then, right?”

“Right...” Kaoru muttered and watched his ex-teacher walk away. And soon Toshiya had jumped from somewhere and was hugging him tightly. “Kaoru, congratulations!” the younger guy said, and pulled back. Then he turned to look at Kyo who was standing behind him. “Kyo, don't be silly! Say something”, he whined.

Kyo looked very pissed off. “Fine then”, he finally growled. “Umm... congratulations... Uh... Kao-- Niikura.”

“Thanks”, Kaoru said. “You two are coming to my party now, right? You promised last night.”

“Yes, of course”, Toshiya answered, smiling. “Are you sure that you wouldn't want to hang out with Yoshiki-sensei, just the two of you, though?” He giggled.

“Shut up.”

***

Seven hours later, Kaoru's party had still not ended. Some people had already left and now the only people left in the house were Kaoru himself, Toshiya, Kyo, Hideyuki, Yoshiki and Kaoru's drunk uncle. Actually they were all pretty drunk, because right after Kaoru's father had left with Kaoru's younger brother Kenta, they had started drinking alcohol. Even Hideyuki and Yoshiki were drunk which was a bit weird. Hideyuki didn't usually drink any alcohol and Yoshiki had came by a car.

Kaoru was sitting on a balcony with his uncle and Yoshiki, when Toshiya joined them, sitting in the chair between Kaoru and Kaoru's uncle.

“So, how are things between you and Kyo?” Kaoru asked after a short silence.

Toshiya made a deep sigh and shook his head. “I don't know... Fine, I guess. We haven't talked about the kiss anymore. We are just like nothing ever happened.”

“Doesn't it bother you?” Kaoru asked.

“Of course it does”, Toshiya answered, staring at his feet. “But I have to live with it. It's better this way. If Kyo knew the truth, he would hate me. I'd rather be near him as a friend than lose him completely.”

“Well... that does make sense”, Kaoru said and tapped Toshiya's shoulder. “I feel sorry for you. It must be hard to long for someone who's close to you, not having a chance to be with him.”

“I know”, Toshiya whispered quietly.

“You're gay?” Kaoru's uncle suddenly asked and Kaoru, Toshiya and Yoshiki frowned. They had thought that the old man had already passed out from alcohol.

“No...” Toshiya lied. “You got it all wrong.”

“Don't worry. I won't judge you”, Kaoru's uncle said with a drunken laugh. “Besides...” After that he went totally quiet and soon he was already asleep.

Toshiya and Kaoru turned to look at Yoshiki, who had been quiet for a while already. He was smoking a cigarette, eyes closed. Soon he opened his eyes, noticing that the younger guys were staring at him. “Umm... what?” he muttered, sounding very drunk. Toshiya and Kaoru turned to glance at each other and started to giggle.

“What?” Yoshiki asked, a little grin on his face.

“You're so drunk, sensei”, Toshiya giggled. “I've never seen Yoshiki-sensei drunk. It's so funny...”

Yoshiki sighed, shaking his head. “Why is it funny? I'm not a saint even though I'm a teacher”, he said. “Teachers get drunk too.” He continued smoking his cigarette, taking deep breaths. Toshiya smiled, coming closer to Kaoru, whispering something to his ear.

“What?” Kaoru whispered back.

“I said, this is your chance!” Toshiya whispered, giggling again. “He's totally drunk. So are you. Flirt with him...”

Kaoru shook his head, looking at Toshiya with his eyes wide. “Are you serious?” he asked.

“Of course I am”, Toshiya whispered, grinning. “You may not have noticed, but he's been watching you the whole evening. He likes you!”

“Oh, shut up”, Kaoru sighed. “You're just teasing me.”

“I'm not”, Toshiya breathed. “He likes you.”

“Of course he likes me. We've known each other for a long time and he used to be my teacher.”

“No, there's more to it”, Toshiya tried. “Look. Again.”

Kaoru carefully took a glance at Yoshiki. He had to admit that Toshiya was right. Yoshiki was watching him again. He turned to look at Toshiya again. Toshiya was grinning. “He's probably just worried about me because we are so young and we're drunk and-”

“Worried? He? Come on”, Toshiya sighed. “I'm leaving you two alone so you can... umm... chat or something. You know what I mean.”

Toshiya stood up and said so that also Yoshiki was able to hear: “I'm going downstairs for a while.” After that he left the balcony, closing the door after him.

Kaoru was left alone in the balcony with his uncle – who was snoring – and Yoshiki. Yoshiki was still glancing at him, a new cigarette on his lips. Kaoru quickly broke the eyecontact, starting to stare at his feet as if they were the most interesting thing in the world. Why was Yoshiki looking at him like that? After what Toshiya had told him, he didn't know what to think. There were too many thoughts in his head.

He frowned when Yoshiki suddenly stood up, moving to sit on the chair that Toshiya had been sitting for a while ago. “Want a cigarette?” he heard the older man ask and after hesitating for a while, he nodded. “Okay.”

Yoshiki took one cigarette from his pocket and gave it to Kaoru. “Thanks”, Kaoru muttered, starting to smoke the cigarette under Yoshiki's watchful eye. There was silence for a while, before Kaoru spoke. “You're so drunk, sensei...”

Yoshiki nodded, smiling. “I know. I wasn't supposed to drink much but... Hah... I don't know how it came to this.”

“It's alright. Don't worry... Look at my uncle”, Kaoru said, laughing, and Yoshiki took a quick look at the man next to them. “He's always the first one who's drunk. In every family meeting.”

“Mmm...” Yoshiki muttered, turning to look at Kaoru again. “Kaoru.”

Kaoru blew the smoke out of his mouth, glancing at the older man. “What is it...?” he asked.

“I--”

That was when the balcony's door opened and Kaoru's older brother Hideyuki arrived. “Hiya... What's up?” he asked with a grin on his face. Yoshiki never finished his sentence and only a while later Kaoru stood up, going downstairs. Shinya and Daisuke had also arrived.

“Heeeey!” Kaoru said laughing, pulling both Daisuke and Shinya in to a hug. Daisuke and Shinya looked at him weirdly.

“Kaoru! You're drunk!” Daisuke realized. “How dare you?! Where's the alcohol? I want some too!”

“Follow me. This way.”

But before they managed to take a step, Kyo found them. “Kaoru. We need to talk. Now”, he said. Kaoru looked at Kyo, surprised. Kyo had called him by his first name for the first time. And also, this was the first time that Kyo even wanted to talk with him.

“Umm... okay. Let's talk then”, Kaoru said. He lead Kyo to the livingroom and they sat on the sofa. “So... what did you want to talk about?”

Kyo looked embarrassed for a while, before he sighed: “It's about Toshiya. I was just wondering that... you two get along quite well and... Has he talked about me?”

Kaoru immediately shook his head. He wasn't the kind of person that enjoyed gossiping about other people. “No. Why do you ask?”

“Because... I know he's gay”, Kyo answered without hesitation. “He kissed me few months ago. Since that I've suspected that he's gay.”

“Oh...” Kaoru breathed. “But no, he hasn't told me anything. Besides, if he was gay, would it really matter?”

“No... not really”, Kyo answered.

***

Few hours later everyone was starting to leave. Toshiya and Kyo were also leaving, and Toshiya hugged Kaoru for a long time before letting go.

“Come on, Totchi. Let's go already”, Kyo whined. “It's almost midnight already, you know...”

“Yeah, yeah, I'm coming”, Toshiya sighed, finally letting go of Kaoru. “This was a great night. Thank you, Kaoru. You were a great host.”

“You're welcome. Thanks for coming, anyway”, Kaoru said, smiling in a friendly way. “Good night. You too, Toor--... I mean Kyo.”

“Good night”, Toshiya and Kyo said back, closing the front door behind them. Only Daisuke - who had drank too much and fallen asleep on the couch -, Kaoru's uncle - who was sleeping in Kaoru's bed - and Yoshiki were the only guests left.

“Yoshiki, what are you doing?” Kaoru asked when he saw Yoshiki trying to get his shoes on.

“I'm leaving too...” Yoshiki answered drunkenly. “I must go home.”

“You can't be serious”, Kaoru said. “If you don't remember, you came by a car! And you are not driving! You are drunk.”

“But-”

“You're sleeping here”, Kaoru sighed. “No buts. Come. Upstairs.”

***

They arrived in Kaoru's room. “You can sleep-” Kaoru started but went quiet. What was his uncle doing in his bed?! “Damn it. I should have known!” he growled, closing the door right away. He continued to Hideyuki's room, but Hideyuki was already asleep in his own bed.

“It seems that we have to share my dad's bed”, Kaoru sighed. “Kenta's bed is too small to sleep in.”

“Mmm... okay...” Yoshiki muttered, following him to Kaoru's father's bedroom. Kaoru closed the door behind them. Finally, an empty bed without any drunken guy sleeping in it. He felt a bit uncomfortable when he thought that he would have to sleep in the same bed with Yoshiki but there was no other choice. Daisuke was sleeping on the sofa, Hideyuki in his own bed and his uncle in Kaoru's bed.

He started to take off his clothes in front of the bed. First his shirt, then his jeans and finally his socks. “Yoshiki, do you want to borrow my dad's pajamas? I can-”

He didn't manage to finish his sentence because suddenly he felt Yoshiki's body press against his own from behind. “Yoshiki, what are you doing?” He didn't get a straight answer. Instead, he felt wet lips press against his bare shoulder.

“Yoshiki... stop.”

“I don't want to...” Yoshiki muttered against his naked skin. “I want to hold you like this... You're so--”

“Stop”, Kaoru breathed and pushed the older man away. “You are drunk. You don't know what you are doing.”

“You don't know anything...” Yoshiki said, sounding annoyed. “I may be drunk but...”

“I'm starting to sleep”, Kaoru said. “You should too. You aren't yourself.” After finishing his sentence, he climbed into the bed, leaving Yoshiki standing there, looking puzzled. They didn't say anything anymore. Kaoru closed his eyes, turning his back on his teacher. His mind was full of thoughts. Was Yoshiki interested in him? Or was it because they were drunk? Kaoru knew that people did stupid things when drunk.

After a while he felt Yoshiki climb into the bed and it didn't take long before he heard the older man starting to snore.

TBC...

A/N: I hope to get reviews...
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