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Feeling that Way	By : KayleighSiobhan Category: Singers/Bands/Musicians > Journey Views: 5125 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not know any of the members of Journey. This story is completely a work of fiction. There is no truth to it. I make NO money from this story.

Chapter List
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It had been two weeks since Steve had gotten home from the hospital. From a physical standpoint the singer was recovering well. The bruises on his neck, stomach and thighs had faded and tears from the repeated rapes had healed. The painful bout with cystitis that had also invaded his prostate finally ended. The potent antibiotic Mark had placed Steve on had knocked out the infection fairly quickly. Greg was relieved the severe discomfort and the frequent up and down to the bathroom Steve was suffering from had ceased. Follow up tests had shown no signs of venereal disease. As predicted the swelling and roughness in Steve’s vocal cords had dissipated. Even though he hadn’t tried to sing his speaking voice sounded clear and normal.

Unfortunately from an emotional standpoint Steve had made very little progress. He was often withdrawn, cried frequently and talked little. He was unable or unwilling to talk about the rape. Even though his mother and both Neal and Gregg had tried to coax his appetite he ate very little. It showed in how pale Steve was and how his clothes were beginning to fit loose around his body. When Herbie had commented on Steve’s jeans not fitting as well, Steve snapped at him, very angry. He said “What is wrong afraid we won’t sell as many concert tickets if I don’t look like a male prostitute". For the first time in his life Herbie was actually struck speechless.
Nights had become extremely difficult as Steve was suffering frequent nightmares. He would wake up with a scream or in a hysterical bout of crying. So a real night’s rest for anyone in the house, not just Steve, was becoming, impossible.

After 10 days Greg and Steve left the beach house and came home. Aaron and Mark had a vacation planned and Greg certainly was not going to interrupt it. Greg was grateful for all Aaron had done for them and he certainly was not going to impose on his friend any longer. Once they got home Greg immediately had a new alarm system installed in the house. Herbie also hired Steve a body guard for whenever he left the house, not that Steve wanted to go anywhere. He did not speak again about his thoughts regarding Mark. His gut told him one thing but his logical mind fought it. But Steve feared being raped again, he felt the rapist could be anyone and there was no guarantee he could not get close enough to Steve to grab him once more.
On top of the stress of their vocalist being snatched a second time was the press was sniffing around to find out what was really happening with the band. Herbie was scrambing to reschedule the concerts but in the wake of the postponed dates there were a lot of unhappy fans. Their reactions ranged from disappointed to just plain pissed off. And they wanted answers. Not just the singer had been hospitalized and needed recovery time. Somehow they knew it was more to it then that.

Now that they were back in their own place Mary and Neil both went back to their respective homes. The couple was alone again but life had far from returned to normal. Someone stayed with Steve 24 hours a day. If Greg needed to leave for even a short period of time Neal, Herbie, or Steve’s step dad would stay. Steve was grateful not to be alone but he really wasn’t up to company. Often when anyone but Greg was there Steve would just go to their bedroom and pretend to be asleep.

Greg and Steve had been home about a week when Greg needed to do some shopping and run some errands. Marv was the designated “baby sitter” that shift. Steve stayed out of the bedroom so his stepfather would not take a negative report back to his worried mother. The two had been playing a few games of cards. Marv did not know many details about Steve’s abduction. He knew that there was rape and violent sexual abuse at the hands of an overzealous fan. That was enough for him. Also Marv was not as accepting of his stepson’s lifestyle as Steve’s Mom. But still he liked Greg and he loved Steve. Ever since Steve was a little boy and had came into Marv’s life, he was delighted to have him as part of his family. Steve was a sweet gentle loving kid and had retained those characteristics as an adult. At the moment Marv was thinking about this,the phone rang. Marv looked at Steve who shook his head and said softly “ I don’t answer the phone “ Marv picked up the receiver, “ Hello “. He listened a minute then said “It is Ross.” He handed the phone over to Steve and stood up. “ I am going to fix a pot of coffee.” Steve had known Ross was upset with him and Greg. The bassist was the only band member who did not call or come visit during his recovery. Marv however knew nothing about the tension between Greg and Ross or his intolerance of their relationship. Steve steadied his voice and said “Hello ” Ross’s voice was slurred, Steve could tell immediately that he was drunk or high or both. “Listen hot stuff why don’t you go the Hell back where you came from. You brought this rape on yourself for dressing and acting like you were going out to turn tricks. Get away from the band so Greg can get his head on straight and the rest of us will have a chance to have a career again.” Steve swallowed and tried to blink the tears away. He didn’t know what to say to Ross. The bassists then blurted out… "You know I overheard Greg talking while you were with your “fan” He told Aaron that he couldn’t believe you wouldn’t let him fuck you but you just spread your legs for that guy right away. What was he bigger then Greg or suck your dick better then he did ? I heard Greg admitt he doesn’t feel the same way about you, so cut your losses and disappear. The way you look I am sure you could make plenty of money on your back…” At that point Steve just hung up the receiever, he didn’t want to hear anything else that Ross had to say. When Marv came back in with cups of coffee for himself and Steve, he seen his stepson quickly wipe away tears. “What happened ?” he asked. “Nothing, Marv I am just tired and would like to take a nap, if you don’t mind." Marv started to say something else but he stopped at the look on Steve’s face. Steve stood up and went to the bedroom. He hated being that way but Ross’s words hurt him so much. They spoke to Steve’s darkest fears that Greg would consider him damaged and would not love want him because he had “been” with someone else. Steve curled up in fetal postion on the bed, hugged Gregg’s pillow and cried.

Marv sat drinking his coffee and thinking. He wished he could comfort Steve but he knew when his stepson was open to conversing and when he was not. He was relieved when he heard Greg’s key in the lock. Greg came in with a bag of groceries in each arm and Marv got up to help him. In relation to his question, Marv had told him that Steve got upset after receiving a phone call from Ross. Greg sighed “Vallory and I had a fight while Steve was missing. He said really hateful things and I punched him. He probably told Steve some of the same stuff on the phone. “ I didn’t know that” Marv said, “ I would not have given him the phone. “It is alright, believe me I have known Ross for a while and I am surprised he would turn out to be so cruel.” Greg assured him. It was getting late in the evening so Marv told Greg good night and to tell Steve the same. Greg put the cold groceries away and went into see Steve. Steve’s crying jag had ended and he was laying on the bed. He eagerly reached his arms out for Greg and the keyboardist was more happy to hold him close. I will put the rest of the groceries away and fix us supper. Steve said “ I would rather just lie here and have you hold me for a while. Greg’s stomach was growling but he said “I can stay for a while, I am sorry about Ross, he was a real ass when you were missing. I got pissed off and punched him in the face.” Steve actually had to chuckle at that. “You punched him ? “Yes, he said shit about you he had no right to say.” “Oh my gracious, what will happen to your reputation as a peace loving hippie.” Steve teased him.

Steve was quiet a minute and then for the first time since the rape, he kissed Greg on the mouth. Greg responded eagerly to him, and rolled over on his back, pulling Steve on top of him.God he missed touching Steve so much. Despite his fear Steve struggled with his own longing. He wanted to be with Greg, naked, enjoying each other in the most intimate way possible. Steve wanted to forget that man’s hands on him, his mouth on him, his organ jammed up inside of Steve tearing him opening him up, cruely ripping away his innocence. Steve kissed Greg again and pulled his own shirt off over his head. He straddled his body so he was basically sitting on top of Greg’s rapidly growing errection. He reached down and started pulling the laces on Greg’s jeans loose. “Steve “ Greg voice was tight and he had trouble getting the words out. Steve unhooked his own jeans and pulled his zipper down giving Greg a glimpse of the dark nest of curls. He wanted so much to know Greg still found him desirable and worthy of love. In the meantime Greg’s mind was going a mile a minute. What if it was too soon, what if being intimate with Steve traumatized him further. Was it even physically safe for Steve and his recently healed injuries and infections. And was Steve only doing this to please him. He loved Steve, right now there was nothing more he wanted then to have Steve naked, underneath him, getting to know his body again. Then to sleep together after the after their lovemaking had them both spent. But he couldn’t let his own selfish desires guide him.

Pulling on every bit of willpower he had he gently pushed the singer off of him. “Close that up” he said indicating Steve’s fly. “We don’t need to do this right now, it is not the time.” Steve was confused, but he did as he was told. He picked his shirt up and pulled it back over his head. Greg said “ We don’t have to rush things.” “ Well I can at least…” Steve began as he reached for Greg to ease his hard on. “ I am OK !” Greg said as he pulled away and attempted retie the laces on his jeans. Steve didn’t speak, but the look on his face said it all. Hurt, that ran deep into his heart and soul.”I am going to start supper," Greg said thinking he really need a very cold shower. He slipped off the bed and went into the kitchen. Steve sat on the bed. Despite what Greg told him, all he reassurances he knew Ross spoke the truth. Greg was angry at him for being raped, he blamed Steve for giving his body to this man, for letting him…. Greg didn't really want him anymore and it was just a matter of time before he broke off his relationship with Steve. Greg would find someone else, somone clean and decent not someone who was used up. The rapist had claimed Steve for his own, and there was no way to ever break that hold. Steve was his.Silently so Greg wouldn't hear him, Steve began to cry again.
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Feeling that Way