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Your Sins Into Me	By : Tcharlatan Category: > Kyo/Kaoru Views: 1394 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: Disclaimer: This is a work of pure fiction. I do not personally know any of the members of Dir en grey or Penicillin, and do not profit from this work.

Chapter List
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Upon waking Thursday morning, Kyo was deeply relieved to find himself in a much improved condition from the day before. He was still sore all over, his left ear still ached, and the pain medication still made him groggy and slow, of course, but at least now he was warm, and he could move again.
‘Who would have thought feeling like this would be an improvement?’
He slid out of bed, only a little unsteady on his feet, and slipped into a pair of loose jeans and a tee-shirt, both borrowed from Kaoru. The shirt fit him well enough, but he had to roll the cuffs of the jeans up a couple times to keep from tripping on them. After a day spent in bed, he was feeling somewhat grimy, but before he could even think about showering, he had to find some breakfast. All he’d eaten the day before was soup and tea, and though he was immensely grateful to Kaoru for preparing and feeding him those things, he needed something more substantial now that he was up and about again.
‘I wonder if Kao and Toshiya are home… maybe they want breakfast too?’
He certainly hoped so, chewing his lower lip thoughtfully as he shuffled down the hall, one hand half-covering a wide yawn. After spending all of Monday and Tuesday cleaning the apartment, there was little else for him to do with his time. His body still yearned for sleep because of the drugs, but he was developing an aversion to the bedroom Kaoru had so selflessly given him. How could he rest when he was constantly thinking that any more time in that room would drive him to madness? It was so lonely and lifeless, with no pictures or music or personal touches. It felt like an asylum. He shuddered at the thought, and doing so made him feel like an ungrateful cur.
Hearing a faint strain of music coming from the living room, he brightened a bit. Someone was home, then. It was so quiet though, he was almost at the end of the hall before he could make out the lyrics.
“…will devour you, take all the pain away. I cannot stay my hand from reaching out so that I can empower you, for all eternity. It seems to ease my mind, to know that you’ve brought meaning to my life…”
Coming around the corner, he was surprised to see that the entertainment system was not the source of the music. Kaoru was sitting on the couch, an acoustic guitar resting lightly in his lap as he strummed at it with comfortable familiarity. Kyo couldn’t help but swallow a little lump of awe that formed at the back of his throat. Kaoru was good. His hands moved with such precision and grace, fingers pressing and tugging at heavy strings skillfully. The words he sang came almost as an afterthought, spoken simply for the sake of speaking rather than the obvious care that went into the instrument. It was like the guitar was just another part of his body; as if he’d been playing it his entire life and the music came to him as naturally as breathing.
If he had seen Kaoru playing as recently as two days ago, Kyo would only have been impressed by his friend’s obvious talent. But now – as the song picked up tempo and Kaoru’s hands began to move a little more quickly – all Kyo could think of was the dream he’d had the night before he gotten sick. He’d already remembered that it had been a wet dream, and as with most dreams, he only recalled small fragments and vague impressions of it. Nothing out of the ordinary. But seeing those hands moving so deftly now brought those fragments to life and restored more of the memory. He remembered now that it had been a wet dream about Kaoru.
Over the sweet sound of the instrument, Kaoru’s voice started up again, singing softly to himself, “Run, to where the smallest ray of light will never find you… run, to where you will not need to shield your eyes. Run, away from all the soulless, heartless fiends who hound you. Run away, and let your memories go blind when I devour you, take all your pain away.”
The recollection brought heat to Kyo’s face, and any greeting he might have offered his friend died on his tongue. He couldn’t help but think of how those hands had felt in his dream, manipulating his body just as skillfully as they now manipulated the guitar.
‘I wonder if he has calluses on his fingertips…’
His heart fluttered a little. Why was the thought of sex with Kaoru so damned appealing? Shouldn’t he feel guilty for lusting after a friend when he was already bound to another man? He’d never before even considered infidelity!
“I cannot stay my hand from reaching out so that I can empower you, for all eternity. It seems to ease my mind, to know that you’ve brought meaning to my life…” Left without lyrics, Kaoru bobbed his head with the music he created, eyes half-shut in apparent bliss.
Kyo’s mind started to wander on a dangerous tangent. Maybe Shinya was right. Maybe it just wasn’t worth trying with Hakuei anymore, and Kyo’s subconscious was simply more willing to accept it than the rest of him. Kyo loved the braided man, he really did, but he wasn’t stupid. He knew that their relationship wasn’t healthy. He knew that he probably should have ended things the first time his lover had hit him. But he’d clung for so long to the notion that Hakuei only abused him because he provoked the man too much when his lover was drunk. That he should know better than to aggravate someone whose inhibitions were so drastically reduced. That maybe if he could just be quieter, more calm and shy and submissive like he had been when they first met, things would get better again.
‘But… that’s not right, is it?’
‘I shouldn’t have to force so much change, if he really loves me.’
‘I shouldn’t have to stay with someone who only wants me for one facet of my personality.’
‘But… I also shouldn’t want Kaoru!’
‘He’s my friend, goddamn it!’
A tiny, niggling voice from a corner of Kyo’s mind wheedled its way to the front of his consciousness.
‘Why not?’
Why not, indeed? Kaoru was good-looking. He was fun; easy-going cheer complemented by a wicked sense of humor. He managed to flawlessly balance the confidence that Kyo found so attractive in men with a sweetly polite humility. He was almost certainly interested in Kyo, even seemed to enjoy the blonde’s ever-shifting moods. He spent weeks going out of his way to keep Kyo happy after he lost his job, and then gave him shelter when he lost his home and took care of him when he was sick.
He was really good-looking.
‘…’
“Kyo?”
Kyo startled a bit, head snapping up to pay attention to the real world again only to find the subject of his musings standing right in front of him, peering down at him with those damnably sharp eyes. Oh, if Kaoru only knew what he’d just been thinking… His mind shut down for a split second. What the hell does one say to a friend they just had a wet dream about?
“You’re looking much better today. Did I wake you up?”
“Uuh…?”
Kaoru smiled apologetically. “I’m sorry. I was trying to be quiet.”
“Oh… Oh!” Kyo shook his head, forcing a smile he hoped looked casual. “No, no, you didn’t wake me up. I almost wish you had, though, so I could have heard more… You’re so good.”
Kaoru rubbed the back of his head, grinning modestly. “Oh, that? That was nothing special.”
“Maybe for you! I could never play so well.”
“Well… do you want to learn? I could teach you, if you like.”
Kyo’s blush returned full force, imagining those clever hands over his own, pressing his fingers into the flesh-warmed wood of a much loved fret board. Kaoru’s chest against his back, smooth voice his ear, glossy black hair sliding over his shoulder…
‘SHIT! Stop that, goddamn it!’
“N- uh, no, thank you, that’s… that’s okay.”
Kaoru eyed his smaller friend curiously as he set his guitar back in its stand. “Are you feeling alright? You’re looking a little flush.”
Kyo cleared his throat and blustered past his friend into the kitchen. “Yeah, I’m fine. Just… no, yeah, I’m fine. I was just… going to get some food. What about you? Do you want some breakfast?”
A slow, mysterious smile spread across Kaoru’s face. “…Sure, Kyo. I’d love some.”

The song described above (Devour) is intellectual property of Disturbed. I don't own any rights to it, or profit from its use.
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Your Sins Into Me