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Tony Loves Benji	By : MyBloodItches Category: Singers/Bands/Musicians > Good Charlotte Views: 2466 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction. I do not know the members of Good Charlotte. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

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After that day I felt so disgusting, more so because I’d had these thoughts- about a person who would more than likely never be ‘ok’ with it. Tony was just a friend- no more, no less. Bit the more time that passed the more often I found my mind falling back to that night- imagining what it’d of been like with just the two of us. He and I. He? God, and that was the worst thing to accept. I’d never so much as looked at a guy before in my life. So what made Tony so special? We’d been good friends for years- knew each other like brothers, he was my best friend even.

So naturally I did what every man who's having questions about his sexuality does, had sex with any and every girl I came across- so many girls I forgot all their names. It didn't matter to me anyways- they were nothing but a let down to me. Because with each meaningless fling it became more and more apparent to me- that they would never satisfy me the way I wanted to be satisfied. They would never appease my growing urges. I wanted something more, something no girl could give me. I wanted Tony.

I wanted Tony? Now things were getting tangled. I didn’t know how to act around him- its different when there are feelings involved, and everything is so different. Females are easy to impress, but him- you can’t just tell Tony he’s got gorgeous legs or a nice smile and expect him to swoon. So I had no idea what to do. Between the struggle of feelings and the conflict of my thoughts- I found it better to just stay clear of the man for some time.

“Are you avoiding me?” I’ll never forget the look on his face, standing on my front porch, nearly two weeks after the bathroom incident. And I felt guilt washing over me. Because he wasn't half wrong in his assumptions. I had been avoiding him like the black plague- but there was no way I’d be able to explain such a thing to him. After all we were suppose to be best friends- so why was being around him suddenly making me feel so uneasy? It was like I was second guessing myself- the boy was making me self conscious. I never get self conscious.

“no.” I try to lie while shaking my head quickly- unable to think of much else to say. Those eyes. Again with those eyes- it was like he could read my mind, and knew for a fact that it wasn’t true.

“Come on Benj I can read you like a book. What’s your problem?” He demanded- as if growing impatient. Suddenly I felt ashamed, averting my eyes to the ground in front of myself- my beat up Chucks becoming a great diversion.

“Look I’m just really confused right now about some things..” I said trying to avoid getting into grave detail about such an uncomfortable conversation. There was no right way to go about it. And he just sat leaned against the door frame with both tattooed arms crossed across his chest, as if to say he wasn’t satisfied with my answer. I bit my lip- could I actually explain it to him? Was there anyway I could tell him the truth? Risking our friendship was too great a trouble for me. Because whether or not I did in fact have a crush on the man- I still held him closely. I wasn’t sure I could handle the rejection from someone so important to me. “Life’s just kind of crazy right now…sorry Tone.” I then added to him trying my best to sound sincere. A smile played across his thin pink lips and I could tell he found my behavior a slight bit amusing. Something in those eyes- glittered just slightly at the hint of my insecurities. He was right, he could always read me like a book.

“Why don't you just let me come inside- we can talk about it…” He spoke softly, his tone taking a slightly more understanding- comforting one. Curiosity played in my mind, much as it had that day in the bathroom. Something about the smile on his face, the playful way his lip curled- something made me feel as if he were already about to take over the situation. My nerves were about to get the better of me. The decision I made then was going to reflect the entire outcome. Because once I’d said anything to him about it- I’d never be able to take it back. And that was the biggest nerve wrecker or all.

“I dunno..I’m about to go to see my mother.” I quickly lie, trying my best to think of something- anything to stall him from actually having this conversation with me, I just wasn’t ready. But he just laughed, before pushing his way into the house shutting the door behind himself. He always was a stubborn ass. And I just gave in- looking at him submissively, is it cheesy to say- one look from him could control my every action. But I’m sure he already knew that- that’s what made the game worth playing.

“Come on Benji, I ain’t gonna bite you…..unless you want me to.”
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Tony Loves Benji