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Patiently Waiting	By : junkpuppet Category: Singers/Bands/Musicians > Eminem/Marshall Mathers Views: 3167 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction. I do not know Eminem (Marshall Mathers). I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
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Detroit, Mi - 1984

Twelve year old Marshall Mathers stepped off the school bus and scanned his surroundings. Mostly old buildings and liquor stores occupied the deserted streets - besides the occasional drunk person stumbling down the broken road he was alone. The only skinny white boy for a hundred miles stood by himself in downtown Warren. From the bus a girl cried out - causing him to jump.

He watched as she leapt from the slow moving bus - the driver laughing as he closed the door once she fell to her knees on the pavement. "What an asshole.." She cursed, pushing herself up on her hands. "Are you hurt?" Marshall asked nervously, watching the school bus speed away as he helped her to her feet. The girl forced a weak smile and thanked him. Only her pride. "Darren makes me sit in the back ever since my mom dumped him - he never gives me enough time to get to the front before the bus starts moving."

It was a sad life for a little girl. "Did you tell your mom?" This caused her to laugh and remember that he was the new kid in town. She looked him up and down before picking up her book bag.

"My mom doesn't care."

"Oh."

Marshall followed the eccentric girl down the street as she began walking towards a set of railroad tracks. "We've got exactly twenty-seven minutes before the high school kids get home - never be on this street at three o'clock, okay?" He nodded and picked up his pace as they continued down the beaten path. The County School Board stated that the roads were to damaged in Warren for the school bus to drive past the tracks - therefore they had a thirty minute walk ahead of them.

"I'm Shanea. You're new right - you moved to the trailer beside mine on Saturday?" She asked, brushing the dirt from her knees. She stood a foot shorter then Marshall with long curly brown hair and sad grey eyes. He nodded at her question nervously as a look of embarrassment crossed his features.

"Yeah.."

"Well you can come over to my house if you want - my brother told me he'd bring McDonalds home from work tonight and I can share mine. We don't have cable though but sometimes he can make channel seven work with the rabbit ears."

"Okay that's cool - my mom isn't home anyway."

"Cool. He has the new LL Cool J album - he lets me listen to it sometimes - maybe we can listen to it when we get there." Marshall nodded his head bashfully and continued down the alleyway with her. It was the start of a beautiful friendship.

~

The sun slipped behind the horizon quickly - leaving Marshall and Shanea standing under a flickering street lamp. She lit a cigarette and nodded towards the street, watching as two young black kids emerged across the railroad tracks. They lived on the 'black' side of eight mile. "Yo, Shanea - this better be legit girl, we came all this way for your ass. Bizzy even ran to beat those mean ass dogs across Van Dyke."

"Bizzy ran?"

Shanea smiled and pointed to a very quiet Marshall, "This is Marshall Mathers - Marshall this is DeShaun Holton and.." She paused for a moment, pointing towards the heavyset black kid who came wandering towards them. "That's Bizarre. You don't even want to know his real name."

"Yo man, call me Proof. Shanea I told you to start callin' me Proof." DeShaun explained, slapping hands with Marshall. "Why Proof?" He asked curiously, greeting Biz once he caught up to them. "'Cause I'm the real Proof, nigga. Proof that I can win every battle!"

Shanea rolled her eyes and took Marshall by the arm. "Come on - we go down to this place called Malone's Hip Hop Shop every Saturday night and watch rap battles. Before the nights out Proof'll have you on the stage."

"Yeah that's right - we gonna see how you do, Marshall Mathers. See if you got what it takes."

~

One week later.

Marshall jumped down from the stage and accepted the praises his skills brought in. Proof and Bizarre stood speechless with his rhymes still ringing in their ears - it was official. "Nigga you definitely the first white boy to do somethin' like that! Welcome to the dirty dozen." Bizarre declared, slapping hands with Marshall then Proof.

"We gotta get a name for you; you've got crazy skills on the mic."

The crowd slowly thinned out leaving Marshall and Shanea standing alone outside by the street. "Crazy rhymes, Marsh - you're the only person I've heard rhyme birthday with first place. I'm impressed."

"I've been tryin' to tell you girl I'm goin' places." Marshall assured with a laugh - trying to do his best impersonation of DeShaun. Shanea laughed at his attempt as they began walking down the dark street. "If you ever make it big don't forget about the person who helped you find your way home the first day of school."

"If I ever make it big none of us will have to worry about anything ever again - you, DeShaun and Biz are the only friends I've ever had."

~

Three years later.

"Damnit Shanea what the hell is you doing?!" Marshall yelled, storming off down the street towards those notorious railroads tracks. She was lying across the metal rails - her thin arms dangling over her head. "Waiting." She answered calmly as he picked her up and held her at arms length. "What the fuck are you doing?" The fast moving train blew its whistle loudly as Marshall pulled her away from the tacks. After a moment the train went barreling past them - causing Shanea's hair to blow wildly around her sad face.

She didn't make an attempt to speak to him or even look up to meet his angry, demanding glare. Deep inside she knew she would have moved - another second and she would have moved. Maybe.

Her mother was sitting just a few feet away watching her soap operas in their living room - her father? Out on the town - drinking anything that burned, sleeping with god only knew. They didn't care. No one cared.

"Shanea."

Finally their eyes met and she blinked back a few tears, "Yeah?" Before she could protest Marsall wrapped his arms around her thin figure and sighed, placing his lips against her temple. "What happened?" The fear and worry in his voice caused a sob to escape her.

"I'm sorry - I didn't mean to, my dad - he showed up last night. I thought he was going to kill her.." She whispered, speaking of her abusive father and worthless mother. Shanea pulled Marshall closer and sighed, closing her eyes as his fingers entwined in her hair.

"You should have called me - came over or somethin'."

Shanea nodded slightly and stepped away, she could feel his cold hands on her bare skin - holding her at arms length as he scanned her with those piercing blue eyes. "Promise me you won't do that stupid shit no more - promise."

"I promise.." She assured, her voice barely there. After he let go of her she took another step back and looked at him intensely. "I love you girl - you know that right? You're everything." She nodded again and rubbed her arms as they moved towards the trailer park.

~

"Yo, Shanea get your stupid ass over here girl!" Bizarre yelled from across the street - waving to Marshall and Shanea as they walked up onto the sidewalk. "We heard about that stunt you pulled Friday - don't you ever play like that again." Proof stated, wrapping his arms protectively around her shoulder.

"You need me to kill that bastard pop's you got - say the word, I'll go get Denaun--."

"Hey man I'll go kill a nigga two times cause you know Shanea's mom's lookin fine - I would hit that shit in a New York second!"

Proof elbowed Bizarre in the ribs and smiled. "You holla if you need me okay girl? Don't be doin' that stupid shit no more." He stated, pointing to Shanea as he disappeared into Malone's.

"Yo, Em - you comin'? We gonna show these nigga's two times."

"Bizzy stop sayin' that all the time - damn!"

~

Two months later.

"Well?" Shanea glanced into the small handheld mirror, licking at her vanilla gloss covered lips as she reapplied. "Well?" She mocked her friend, Megan, and closed the compact.

"Shanea Rae! You have got to tell me what's going on with you and Marshall!"

"Nothing's going on."

"Don't even pretend that you don’t want his fine ass - since Caprice dumped him last week? He's all vulnerable and sexy."

"I don't want him." She muttered, crying out as Megan pulled her hair on purpose - blaming it on the braid she was trying to make. "God, Shay - you are full of it." Shanea rolled her eyes and stood up from the floor, peering into the large vanity mirror in her friend's bedroom. Her long dark hair fell down her shoulders in loose curls - her once gray eyes were a brighter blue color. She was pretty.

"Well I think he likes you - I mean he's always around and one of the reasons Caprice dumped him was because of you. She's been telling everyone that she could never compare to 'The Shanea Williams'." Megan continued, breaking Shanea's concentration.

"He's just a friend, Meg. Get real."

"I am real! You're the one lying to yourself and everyone else, Shay."

Shanea returned her attention to the mirror - staring at her somber reflection as she thought about what her friend was saying.

You're the one lying to yourself and everyone else, Shay.

~

"Yo, Em - wait up a sec." DeShaun jogged up behind Marshall as he walked back towards eight mile - they had just done a few battles and scored ten dollars a piece. 'Walk wit me man - Shanea's waitin'."

"That's what I want to talk to you about, Slim. Shanea."

Marshall looked over to DeShaun. "Yeah?" Proof grinned and nodded towards the railroad tracks. "What's going down with you and her? I heard through the grapevine that you're feelin' her?"

"No! Who told you that?"

"Man don't play me. I've been seein' ya'll."

"I don't know what your talkin' about, Proof. Shanea's been there since - before I can remember. She's just Shanea." Marshall assured, considering what he was saying. Yeah she was Shanea - with her long hair and even longer legs. She was only fifteen but could easily pass as eighteen or so. Any guy would want her but none of them could ever have her. Over his dead body.

"Whatever you say Slim." Proof nodded his head and turned back towards Malone's. "Whatever you say. Yo Bizzy!"

Marshall watched Proof run back into Malone's before he continued on his way. Proof was crazy if he thought there was something more with Shanea. Why would he even think that?

~

"Megan Tellerman thinks I want you." Shanea blurted out - causing Marshall to nearly choke on his pizza slice. They were sitting in the deserted downtown mall just as it was getting ready to close for the night - eating the last of the pizza and drinking free fountain sodas.

"What?" It hadn't been a coincidence that Proof brought up his and Shanea's relationship earlier that night after all. Marshall made a mental note to kick D12's ass for stirring this shit up. "Do you?" He asked, grinning when she couldn't find the answer quick enough. "No!"

"I don't even like you.." He raised an eyebrow, secretly loving the nervousness that had suddenly taken over his friend. "I mean, not in that way." Shanea assured quietly, looking down at her empty plate. "Come on, Shay. I know you were jealous when I was dating that girl." He teased, grinning at her from across the table. "Whatever, Em - that didn't even last two weeks. You're pissed that she dumped you for that black guy."

"Whatever. I don't give a fuck." He muttered, his lighthearted expression fading quickly. "You know what we gotta do right?" Shanea looked over at him and shook her head 'no'. "We gotta kiss - it's the only way to know."

"I don't think so." She declared, standing up from the table. Marshall stood up quickly and went over to her, grabbing her by the arms gently. "Come on - you're not scared are you?" He asked with a grin. "I mean what could it hurt?" Shanea shrugged her shoulders, "It'll just prove that there's nothing between us." She assured herself quietly, looking up at Marshall.

They stood there for what felt like forever before he leaned down and kissed her, placing his lips on hers. Shanea felt her heart fall into the pit of her stomach and she didn't know if she was going to puke or die or what. This was her first kiss. Slowly Marshall leaned into her and deepened the kiss, tangling his fingers into her hair as she kissed him back. It only lasted for an awkward second but left them both feeling disoriented and breathless.

"That was um, nice.."

"Yeah."

Shanea meet his eyes with her own and smiled, "See? No butterflies.. nothing." She lied, assuring him that she felt nothing but his tongue in her mouth as they kissed. It just wasn't meant for them to be together 'that way'. Their friendship was amazing and getting all those 'love' feelings mixed in would only complicated things. "Yeah - nothin'." Marshall muttered, grabbing his coat from the back of his chair.

"Come on we gotta get to the bus station."

~

Shanea wrapped her arms around her thin figure as the bus sped past them - causing Marshall to cuss. "If you hadn't insisted that we kiss we'd be half way home now." She muttered, watching him pace the small bus terminal. It would take them nearly an hour to get home now. "Well come on - damn, we gotta get outta here." Shanea sat down on the bench and shook her head. "Forget that, Em. I'm tired."

Giving up, Marshall sat down beside her and looked down the street. They couldn't stay at the bus station all night - maybe a police officer would drive by in a minute and he could talk him into giving them a ride home. The cops were almost as bad as the people committing the crimes in this part of Detroit however, which crushed his hopes yet again. "Well what do you think we should do Shay? We can't stay here."

"I don't know. When does the next bus come by?"

"Not for thirty minutes."

"Well I guess we're waiting."

They both sighed and leaned back on the bench, it was sure to be a boring thirty minutes. "This sucks." He declared after only a moment of waiting. Shanea straddled the bench and leaned against the side - staring at him. "We could make out."

"What? No - hell I ain't doin' that, Shay. You're askin' for trouble."

"No I'm not." She assured quietly, brushing her hair away from her face. Marshall stared at her for a long moment before he agreed and they began kissing - slowly at first. She leaned forward and placed her hands on either side of his face, pulling him closer as their innocent kisses turned into passionate tonsil hockey.

After a few minutes Marshall pulled away and gasped for air, trying hard to fight back the urges she was causing him to have. He was after all - just a guy. "We gotta stop." He finally said, breathlessly. "Why? Scared you might like it to much?" Marshall stared at her in disbelief, "Don't act like you don't like it." He muttered, kissing her again. This went on for the next twenty minutes until the bus pulled up and demanded they break away from each other. Shanea broke their kiss quickly and smiled, a sly - innocent grin crossing her lips.

~

"If you think you can out rhyme me - yeah boy I bet,
'cause I ain't met a mother fucker who can do that yet -
Trendsetter, I'm better my rhymes are good,
I got a gourmet plate that says I wish you would." (LL Cool J, I'm Bad)

Marshall pulled on his kangol and continued mocking the words to LL Cool's J's "I'm Bad" from the top of Shanea's coffee table - his shirt lying carelessly on the floor beside the couch as he rapped perfectly to the music. Shanea, her brother, Proof, Denaun and a few other nameless faces were gathered around him as he rapped.

It had been almost a week since he and Shanea spent the night making out at the bus station yet neither of them had brought it up since they got off the bus that night. Maybe it was better they forgot about it - forgot about the way it left them feeling inside. Marshall kept his eyes on Shanea as a tall blond haired girl walked into the room and stood behind her, tapping her shoulder.

"Kim? Oh my god." Shanea mouthed, embracing the mysterious girl in a friendly hug. "Oh my god. How are you?"

"Shay - I've been in a group home for the past four years - ugh." Kimberly Scott assured with a forced laugh as she scanned the room - saying hello to the dirty dozen and Michael, Shanea's brother. Her eyes met Marshall's as he jumped down from the table. "I don't think I know you." Shanea looked up at Marshall, "Oh - this is Marshall Mathers. He started going to our school a few months after you left." She explained, "Em - this is Kim Scott."

Kim and Shanea had been friends since kindergarten but Kim was always getting into some kind of trouble, especially with men. The last thing Shanea wanted or needed was Kim back in her life. "Em?" Kim asked quietly, flashing that brilliant smile of hers. "Yeah, Eminem. Sorta like the candy - I'll explain it to you."

Shanea watched quietly as Marshall took Kim by the hand and lead her outside so they could 'get to know each other'. This was bad.

~

Four years later. (1991)

"Yo what's up dis is Bizarre the Incredible and I gotta beef with this cracka named Slim Anus." The answering machine beeped, "Marshall? It's Shanea. Call me if you get a chance - I'm home." Another beep, "Yo Slim - this is Proof. Gimme a call fool - we gotta get together. Peace." The small machine clicked several times and then turned off, allowing Marshall to exhale. He had been working a double shift all day - fighting with Kim all night, the last thing he needed was a guilt trip from his friends.

As if on cue someone banged on the front door of his small, unkempt apartment. "Marshall - open this fucking door!" Kim's shrill voice demanded, beating her fists against the thin woof repeatedly. "Now you mother fucker!"

Sighing, Marshall moved to the door and opened it. "Shit can't you chill the fuck out for one second you crazy bitch." He muttered under his breath as she pushed past him. "Fuck you, Marshall. Get out of my face." She yelled, shoving him hard in the chest - which began round two. "Why don't you go lay up with that fucker Marcus? God Kim I can't fucking believe you."

"Oh like you even care Marshall! All you ever do is go to work and go hang out with those stupid friends of yours! I'm sick of always being second priority with you! We never have shit - at least Marcus takes me places!"

"Fuck you." He worked his ass off for Kim - for this shitty ass apartment, for everything she had and she didn't even care. It was never good enough for her. Fucking bitch. "You don't even work - Kim! Maybe if you got a job we could have nice things and more money."

"We're never gonna have shit and you know it." She snapped, grabbing a bag from the bedroom. "I'm going to stay with Dawn until you get your shit together." Marshall watched her gather up a few things before she stormed outside and into her sister’s car - flipping him off as she went. Marshall slammed the front door and picked up the phone, "Fucking bitch.."

~

"Hey."

Shanea opened the door and let Marshall inside the small trailer, accepting the hug he offered. "I know I haven't been around that much the past few weeks - working, mostly. Tryin' to keep that apartment and it's killin' me." She nodded and offered him a soda as they sat on the couch. "You could move back here." She assured with a grin - Marshall had never liked the trailer park to begin with, it embarrassed him but at least it was a place to live. Unfortunately she knew Kim would never allow him to move back across eight mile. "Ain't soundin' too bad - but I couldn't live with my mom's again - she's as crazy as Kim."

They sat together for a few minutes, thinking about how much their life had changed after high school. Marshall had dropped out a few years back and Shanea was trying to get her business degree from the community school in downtown Detroit. "So talk to me - what's the matter?" She always knew when something was bothering him - when Kim was bitching too much or Proof was pushing him too hard with his career. Shanea was the one he went to when things got out of control.

"Proof's been givin' me hell cause I don't have time to battle lately and Kim - all she does is bitch about not having anything but hell I'm tryin'." Kim and Marshall had been dating on and off for the past two years - they now lived together in a small apartment complex a few miles from the college Shanea attended. "I'm sorry." She whispered, looking over at him. Sometimes she wished she never introduced those two - they were always fighting about something. Kim was always making him miserable.

"I made my own bed, ya know - I gotta sleep in it but damn Kim does everything she can to hurt me. Just last week Bugz caught her with that Marcus Riley at Malone's makin' out. I can't trust her."

They sat in silence again - Shanea not knowing what to say, Marshall lost in his own misery. After another long moment Marshall leaned back into the couch and sighed. "You want me to call Proof and the others? We could go downtown and hang out.." He shook his head 'no' and glanced over at her. "I don't feel like messin' with them tonight - they'll just wanna battle at Malone's and I'm too stressed."

Shanea began flipping through the TV channels - trying to think of something they could do to get Marshall's mind off Kim and her bullshit. They sat quietly for another fifteen minutes until Marshall got an idea.

"You got any Bacardi?"
~

Shanea lifted her head from the kitchen table and looked around the room, watching with her eyes half closed as Marshall emerged from the bathroom - still zipping up his fly. He grinned and sat down at the table dangerously close to her. "You smell good." She assured after a long moment of trying to figure out who he was and what they were doing there. It was nearly 2am and two bottles of Bacardi later.

"How come we never got together.." Marshall asked suddenly, moving his chair so he sat directly in front of Shanea. She brushed her fingers through her hair and sighed, frowning at the thought of their awkward relationship. "I don't know.." She answered quietly, leaning into him as he moved closer - close enough to whisper into her ear.

"It should be you instead of Kim.." His lips brushed against her ear lobe causing Shanea to take in a quick breath of air and close her eyes. "Don't.." She pleaded, his left hand moving to cup her face as she turned her head - their lips inches apart - causing Marshall to lick his own in anticipation.

The kiss began slowly at first - chaste and soft before he perused her lips with his tongue and silently begged for something more. Shanea obliged and deepened the kiss as she moved her tongue with his. A moan escaped Marshall's throat and he backed away, searching her eyes for something - a slight glimmer of want deep within those beautiful blue orbs. "You're beautiful.." He whispered hoarsely - the smell of Bacardi, cigarettes, vanilla and men’s cologne intoxicated the room causing Shanea to stand to her feet on shaky legs.

She took him by the hand and they moved through the cramped trailer - stumbling over their coats, empty bottles - an end table. "Shay - I.." His words were cut off quickly by her advances, kissing him passionately as they moved into her bedroom and slammed the door. She pushed him down on the bed and stood over him for what seemed like forever - undoing the buttons on his shirt as they kissed in between gasps of air. "Shay, baby. I don't want you.." She stopped kissing him and backed off, "What?"

"No, baby - I.." Marshall shook his head and tried to regain control of the situation, his mind spinning in a hundred directions all at once. She stood before him panting and staring as if she'd seen a ghost - not sure herself what was going on. He touched her arms, bringing her onto his lap gently. Shanea straddled him and leaned into his embrace, moaning quietly as his hands slipped under her shirt and rubbed the small of her back - his head moving slightly to access the bend of her neck.

"I don't want you to think I'm doing this just 'cause of Kim.."

His words were cool against her hot skin, sending shivers down her spine.

"I don't think that." She lied, she wasn't sure what was happening - or why for that matter but whatever it was she needed it more then he or anyone else thought. "Jus' kiss me.." Marshall lifted his head and kissed her slowly, pulling her down with him as they lay back on the bed. She was a virgin - but a very skilled one at that, the way that she moved her body against his in all the right places - kissed him in all the right spots. A sudden stab of jealously ran through Marshall at the thought of Shanea with someone else but it passed just as quickly once she started kissing his neck, moving down to his chest.

"God, Shay.." He held her tightly against his body and turned over so he was on top - returning the slow moving torture as his lips trailed past her neck and to the valley between her heaving breasts. She could feel his erection pressing against her thigh, sending a shiver of excitement and anxiety through her. "Em - please.." She whispered, closing her eyes once she felt him working away her jeans. In a blur of passionate kisses and intense moans he was inside of her - causing a groan of pain and pleasure to emerge from her throat.

"You okay?" He asked, breathing heavily into her ear. This was - by far - the most amazing feeling he had ever known. Of course Kim had been his first and that was amazing in itself but Shanea, she was a virgin - she was giving him something that Kim had lost when she was ten to a guy she barely knew. As he picked up his pace he honestly felt as if the emotional part over powered the psychical - no matter how tight she felt at that very moment - she was amazing. The way she looked up at him hopelessly - closing her eyes and crying out when he hit a certain spot. She was driving him insane by her emotions alone.

"I'm..okay." Shanea finally mumbled an answer, kissing him again as he poured years of secretly craving her into every thrust. It was over almost as quickly as it began - leaving her panting and craving more once she came down from his 'high'. Shanea exhaled as he removed himself from her quivering body and smiled, turning her head to the side. The sobriety that followed their love making surprised them both. She felt alive and suddenly nervous - turning her bashful eyes away as Marshall dressed. The room was thick with passion as she stood and wrapped herself up in the sheets. After another few minutes she spoke, breaking the silence with her soft voice.

"Say something?"

Marshall turned around to face her, "That was, um.." There were no words to describe what they had just done. "My first time.." She whispered, looking down at their feet. She knew she was no comparison to 'Kim' who had been with seven men since she was ten years old but it was the best she had to offer. "It was amazing, Shay." He whispered, leaning down to place a soft kiss on her mouth.

~

One month later.

Marshall walked into Malone's with Kim by his side - looking around the crowded room quickly. He could spot her a million miles away in a roomful of scrawny brown haired girls any day and there she was, her hands idly in her lap as she sat on the stage - her legs dangling over the edge banging against the wall. She was wearing an oversized hooded sweater and blue jeans - the sad expression on her face unmistakable.

She had cut her hair recently - her long locks now emerging from either side of her head in short pigtails. "Yo Kim - I'mma go holler at Shanea. I'll be right back." He muttered, only to realize that Kim was long gone - talking to a few guys he was about to battle. Bitch. He walked towards Shanea, frowning when he saw the expression on her face turn from bad to worse.

"Hey." She turned her head to the side and glared at him, "What?"

"Don't be that way." He whispered, standing in front of her as she leaned back on the stage. "Don't be that way?" Shanea shook her head in disbelief and leaned forward, her face mere inches from his own. "Marshall - we slept together. You told me all that shit about Kim and how 'it should be me not her' and now look at you - got her right back attached to your hip. Fuck that."

"I know - I'm sorry, Shanea. Everything’s just fucked up right now - Kim ain't got nowhere else to go - she finally got a job."

"Fuck it, Slim - I don't give a fuck alright? Do whatever you want and don't tell me shit about her. You don't even want to know what kind of 'job' that bitch has." Shanea pushed herself away from the stage - her body brushing up against his as she moved past him and disappeared into the crowd. Marshall knew he had fucked up - a week after they slept together Kim was back in his life full force.

"Hey - what's her problem?" Kim asked, slipping her arms around Marshall's waist. He spun around - causing her grasp to fall. "I don't know. She's pissed cause I'm not around as much anymore.." He muttered, watching Shanea leave Malone's.

"Well you know Em - sometimes people just grow up. Why would you want to hang out with a girl like that when you've got a woman like me?" She asked wickedly, grabbing his hands and pulling him into the crowd. Marshall kept his eyes on the exit for another minute and then sighed, defeated, as he walked off with Kim.

~

November, 1991

"Ashes to ashes, dust to dust."

Marshall flinched as someone touched his arm, bringing him back from the dreadful thoughts that plagued his mind. His uncle had killed himself over some stupid bitch who didn't mean anything - Ronnie was gone forever over something so stupid. He didn't even care that he was crying - cold tears streaking his cheeks as the icy wind blew past him. He knew she was standing there - could smell her perfume in the air and all he wanted to do was turn around and wrap his arms around her and never let go but he couldn't. They had barely talked in months.

Shanea stood beside him and slipped her hand into his - lacing their fingers together as they looked on with somber expressions. Marshall's dysfunctional family was standing around the freshly dug grave - a few talking among themselves, his poor grandmother standing alone crying. "That stupid fuck," He whispered, trying to control the emotion in his voice. "He should have talked to me.."

"Ronnie was dealing with his own demons, Em. Nobody knows what he was going through.." Shanea assured quietly, she didn't know what to say - there wasn't anything to say that could ease the ache of loosing a family member by suicide. Marshall closed his eyes and looked to the ground, "I shoulda been there.." He whispered, allowing a few tears to fall from his eyes.

Without a word, Shanea pulled him into her embrace and wrapped her arms around him in a hug. No one else in his family had bothered to comfort him - even Kim decided to go to work instead of come with him to the funeral. "It's gonna be alright, Em." She whispered, not knowing for sure herself but it was the only thing she could think of. "I love you." She added quietly. In any other situation he would have been intrigued but he knew she was talking to him in a strictly platonic way.

"I love you too, Shay.."

~

December, 1995

"Shanea - hey." Kim gushed, waving her 'long time friend' into the hospital room. Marshall was standing beside her - staring down at the tiny baby in her arms, still wearing his apron from his recent cooking job. They were twenty-three now, Shanea still in college - Marshall trying to release his debut album titled 'Infinite'. They talked every now and then on the phone but barely saw each other - like most 'relationships' theirs was slipping with time. He had a baby now - with Kim of all people and even though the sight of them together pulled at her heart, Shanea was happy for him.

"Hey.." She murmured, looking down at the adorable baby Kim held. "Her names Hailie Jade.." Marshall stated, glancing down at Shanea as Kim handed the baby to her. Things had turned out a little differently then he wanted or expected but he had a child now and it was time to make something of himself - give his daughter what he never had. "She's beautiful.." Shanea assured, holding Hailie gently in her arms.

~

Detroit, MI - 1997

"Mommy!" Shanea sighed and lifted Hailie into her arms, "No baby - I'm Shay not mommy." She wasn't surprised the kid called her mommy - she had her more then Kim ever did. "Mommy.." The toddler assured and wrapped her tiny arms around Shanea's neck. "Daddy?"

"Daddy's at work."

They walked over to the kitchen and she placed Hailie into her chair - handing her a bottle. Marshall had promised to get off work early so he could pick Hailie up at two - giving Shanea enough time to get ready for her own job that started that evening. It never failed though - the clock read two fifty seven p.m. and Marshall was nowhere to be seen.

"Daddy?"

Ugh. Shanea sat down at the table and watched Hailie as she finished her bottle - slowly dropping her head as sleep took over her tiny energetic body. After a few minutes Shanea took her to her play pen and laid her down for a nap. She was twenty-five, had never had what you would call a 'real' boyfriend and now took care of Marshall and Kim's love child. It was a sad life indeed.

Suddenly the front door opened and slammed shut - causing Hailie to jerk in her sleep and cry out - loudly. "Fuck you Kim!" Shanea went to the door and watched as Marshall stormed into the small trailer - Kim hot on his heals, her lipstick smeared and hair tangled. "I'm finished with you - you fucking slut! Get away from me!"

"Marshall I'm sorry.. I have a problem okay, I'm sorry." She cried out, falling to the floor as she pleaded with him to listen to her. "Marshall - I'm sorry! Please, don't do this - think of Hailie." Shanea scooped the screaming child up into her arms and began singing quietly, pointing to Marshall as he stormed into the room - taken back at the sight before him.

Hush little baby, don't say a word,
Momma's gonna buy you a mockingbird,
and if that mockingbird don't sing,
momma's gonna buy you a diamond ring.

Hailie began to giggle - breaking Marshall's heart that moment. He had walked in on Kim and some nameless guy having sex in 'his' apartment and the rage and hurt filled him up inside but seeing his sweet little baby laugh made it better. Shanea handed Hailie to her father and looked into his eyes, mentally begging him to control his temper. "Hi baby.." He coo'ed, holding his daughter close.

"Go in there and tell Kim to leave," He asked, in a sing-song voice as Hailie continued to giggle and grab at her dad. Shanea moved past him and went into the living room - closing the bedroom door behind her.

"Kim."

The blond head girl was lying in the floor sobbing - sounding pathetic. "Kim, get up." She helped her to her feet and sighed, realizing the girl was obviously stoned out of her mind. "Kim - go back to the apartment. Hailie is in there and you fighting with Marshall is just going to upset her." She explained, watching as Kim gathered her composure.

"Whatever bitch. You're not taking him away from me - that is our child!" She screamed, storming out the door and into the yard. Her 'flavor of the week' was waiting in his car by the corner, picking her up and driving off quickly before Marshall came back.

Shanea sighed and closed the trailer door, picking up the phone quickly. She punched in a few familiar numbers and exhaled, "Hi, Jerry? Yeah, it's Shanea. I'm not going to be able to come in tonight. I know, I'm sorry. Double shift tomorrow?" She sighed and looked up as Marshall walked out of the bedroom. "Okay. Thanks Jerry, Bye."

~

"The Dr. Dre?" Shanea stared down at the piece of paper closely, trying to figure out how this was happening. She knew Marshall had come in second when he and Kim went to L.A's Rap Olympics but Dr. Dre? He was a legend. "Wow, Em - this is great."

Marshall shrugged his shoulders and sighed, sitting down beside Shanea on the couch. "I went home after work to call Kim and tell her - come to find out she's fucking some asshole in my bed." He looked over to her for some kind of sympathy, compassion but she had none. Her emotions and expression read only one answer - "I told you so." She didn't come out and say it - she cared about him to much to do that but it was true and Marshall knew it.

"I'm goin' back to L.A. to see Dre about this record deal shit.. I don't even know if its legit but I gotta try - for Hailie."

"It's the chance of a lifetime - what are you going to do about Kim?"

"Fuck Kim - Imma call The Boys and see if they can fly with me over there - you too." He assured, taking back the invite to Aftermath Records. "You're definitely coming - someone’s gotta watch Hay." He laughed, only teasing her. "I don't think so, Marshall."

Her voice had never been more serious. "I know this label thing is important to you - but I can't keep doing this. I love Hailie like she were my own daughter but you've gotta start taking responsibility for your daughter. You and Kim have to do somethin' - work this shit out or move on but I can't keep being in the middle.. I can't always be the one you run to."

Marshall looked down at his hands. He thought they had worked through their problems from the past but obviously the heartache and pain was still there. Shanea should know that he loved her - more then Kim, more then hip-hop but she didn't. She had no clue how he felt and he wasn't really sure if she still had the same feelings for him. They had grown up and grown apart the past few years and a part of him knew the only reason she was still around was because of Hailie. He didn't half blame her but his dreams were coming true finally - something was working for him instead of against and she didn't want to be a part of it.

"When you make it big don't forget about the girl who helped you find your way home the first day of school." Back when they were innocent - he could hear her soft voice a week after they met and ever since then he had promised himself they'd be together no matter what ever happened in their lives. Unfortunately things never worked out as planned.

"I gotta do this, Shay. For Hailie.. for myself.." He muttered, idly moving the plane ticket between his fingers. "Dre said he'd bring whatever support system I needed out there - I need you.."

"I'm sorry Em. It's just not me anymore."

~

Detroit, MI - July 2000

How come we don't even talk no more,
and you don't even call no more.
We don't barely keep in touch at all,
and I don't even feel the same love when we hug no more.
And I heard it through the grape vine we even beefin' now,
after all the years we been down,
ain't no way no how, this bullshit can't be true.
We family - aint a damn thing changed, unless it's you.

So young, so full of life in vibrant,
side by side wherever you was ridin' I went.
So close, almost on some Bonnie & Clyde shit.
When Ronnie died you was right by my side with a shoulder to cry on,
tissue to wipe my eyes, and a bucket to catch every tear I cried inside it.
You even had the same type of childhood I did.
Sometimes I just wanna know why is it that you surcame to yours
and mine I survived it. You ran the streets - I 9 to 5'ed it.
We grew up, grew apart, as time went by us,
then I blew up to both yours and mine surprises.
Now I feel a vibe I just can't describe it,
as much as your pride tries to hide it,
Your cold, your touch it's just like ice,
in your eyes is the look of resentment,
I can sense it, and I don't like it. (How Come, D12)

Marshall looked up from the small pad of paper - his unreadable scribbles all over it - taken back at the person who stood before him. "I'd ask you for your autograph but fuck it - I don't even like your shit." She assured with a grin, sitting down beside him on the porch steps. He was sitting at his old home - where he once lived before his mom won her settlement and moved to Beverly Hoods. "Shanea, wow."

She looked - different but in a good way. Her once malnourished, overly thin body was healthy - curves and breasts. "Wow." She laughed at him and leaned back on the broken steps. "Surprised to see you here - I mean it's been.. years. How's Hailie?" Her hair was about shoulder length, darker then he remember and her eyes - vibrant blue, mesmerizing. "She's good. Staying with Kim I guess, hell I don't know really."

He was staying low since he got in trouble at that night club - threatening a man for kissing his whore of a wife. He should have known better but being with someone for so long - something’s never change. He hadn't lost all contact with Shanea but for the most part they sent cards on Christmas and called on birthdays. Seeing her now however - it was a blessing.

"How have you been? You look.. really good girl, damn."

"Not to bad - sold your life story to one of those trashy magazines. I've got a small fortune growing in my account." She lied, grinning at him. "Don't play me like that girl - the famous lifestyle is everything but what I thought it might be."

"No fine bitches and phat rides?" She wondered, knowing better. She knew everything about the famous - Eminem - more then the tabloids and internet could ever provide. "Oh I've got plenty of nice rides but bitches? Just Kim.."

Shanea shook her head and sighed, "When are you gonna learn, Em?"

"Probably never." He muttered, truthfully. "You hungry? Let's go get some food." Shanea accepted the invite and walked with him to the huge SUV parked down by those notorious rail road tracks. "You got ten dollars I can borrow?"

Marshall laughed at the look on Shanea's face, "You've got to be fucking with me."

~

"I'm gonna give you a million dollars - get you the hell outta this place." Marshall assured, shoving a piece of steak into his mouth. Shanea picked at her salad and narrowed her eyes, "I like it here - it's home, and I don't need your money." She assured quietly.

"Alright, I still feel bad though - I know you don't believe me but I've missed you."

She looked up at him and forced a smile, "Yeah I bet you lose sleep every night wondering about me." Her voice dripped with sarcasm - if only she knew that he did miss her - every second she wasn't with him for the past five years. He had picked up the telephone a hundred times to call and ask her to come to L.A. - to be a part of his life even if it was a crazy threesome with his psycho soon to be ex-wife.

"You're my family, Shanea. You and Hailie. Before hip-hop, before Kim - before Proof and D12 it was me and you - you know that." She nodded in agreement, "I know, Em. I have missed you - more then you could begin to imagine.. things are just so different now.. I mean look at you - you're Eminem."

"I was Eminem back in 85' too, Shay. All this shit - it's just shit. I want you back in my life."

~

"Em - it's Swift, Kim's gone and done some bullshit publicity stunt you better get home." Marshall closed his flip-phone and ran a hand over his face. He was so tired, mind - body and soul. "I gotta go, Shay. Duty calls."

"The bat mobile gonna come flyin' in here or somethin'?" She asked, smiling over at him. They had been sitting on her front porch for hours reminiscing and talking about the past five years - trying to get caught up. "Very funny." He muttered, hanging her a piece of paper. "This is my personal line - Kim doesn't even have this number so guard it with your life, alright?"

She nodded and watched him stand up, towering over her now. She looked up to meet his gaze and hugged him, resting her head on his chest as he embraced her back. "It was nice seeing you Marshall - it really was."

"Don't talk like that. I'll see you again soon, alright? Give me a few days to get whatever this Kim bullshit is dealt with and I'll come see you - I'll bring Hailie."

"That sounds good."

Marshall smiled and hugged her again, waving as he got in his SUV and drove off down the road that ironically was still busted and cracked, unpaved and hauntingly familiar. Shanea looked down at the piece of paper in her hand and sighed. A part of her wanted to believe he would come back in a few days and be the Marshall Mathers she had meet in grade school - but she almost knew better. He was a famous rapper now - just like he had once assured her, and their time had surely passed.

~

"Marshall?"

He was sitting on the stairs of her porch alone - the light from the flickering street lamp barely shining on his somber expression. He didn't look up at her as she walked into the yard, holding a bag of groceries. "Em? What's wrong?" She asked, sitting the bag down as she went to him. Shanea touched his arm and then his face, kneeling in front of him.

"Hailie was there.. she did that stupid shit and Hailie was there."

The news about Kimberly Scott Mathers suicide attempt hadn't made it to the Detroit press yet but Shanea knew something was terribly wrong. She had only seen him cry one other time and that was at Ronnie's funeral. "Marshall? Talk to me please?" She asked softly, smiling once he met her eyes with his own red, distraught hues. "Sweety - you've gotta talk to me.." She continued, surprised when he leaned forward and wrapped his arms around her in a strong, emotional hug. Before she realized it he was crying, sobbing deeply into her neck.

"That fucking bitch - I did everything for her. I fucking left Shanea.. I fucked everything up and I worked my ass off for that stupid bitch and this is what she does? She fucks other dudes and tries to fucking kill herself when she doesn't get her way.."

Shanea winced as Marshall's emotions took over and he held her tightly - his body racked with sobs. "My fucking daughter was in there - she could have found her.. she's only five fucking years old.." His hands were in her hair, his lips on her neck as he talked. Shanea looked around and noticed the empty bottle of vodka lying carelessly beside him. "Come on, Em - let’s go inside."

Marshall picked himself up from the steps and stumbled backwards, nearly falling to the damp grass. Shanea held him up the best she could and they staggered into her trailer, sitting down on the couch. "Where's Hailie?" She wondered, placing her groceries in the kitchen. "Spending the night with Proof's kids or something.." He muttered, lying back on the couch. His head was spinning.

"I didn't even want to be with Kim - she got pregnant and shit I was stuck - there was this girl, she was so fuckin' fine.." He started rambling, his eyes closed - he didn't even know where he was. "I love Hailie more then anything - more then anyone in the world but Shanea.. I hooked up with her once and it was the best I ever had - even all those groupies and Kim's nasty ass - Shanea was fuckin' amazing. I miss her."

Shanea sighed and threw a blanket over Marshall as he continued to talk about their childhood - oblivious to where he was and who he was talking to. He explained to her about meeting Proof and battling when he was a kid, he talked about his uncle Ronnie and when he first got famous.

~

Marshall yawned and looked around the room, shielding his eyes at the blazing sunlight that flooded the small living room. This definitely wasn’t his luxury suit in the Hampton. "Shay?" Shanea walked into the room, tooth brush in hand. "Mornin' sunshine."

"Damn - what time is it?"

"One."

"Shit, I gotta get Hailie.." He stumbled around the living room for a moment and sat back down on the couch, holding his head in his hands. His brain was pounding - that familiar nauseating feeling coming back full circle. "It's okay - Proof stopped by and said he'd keep her until you got your head straight." Marshall nodded slightly and sighed, closing his eyes as memories of the previous night came rushing back.

"Go take a shower.. I'll find you.. something to wear."

"I've got some clothes in the SUV.." Marshall assured, walking towards the bathroom slowly. "Shay," She looked over at him, "Thanks for everything." Shanea nodded slightly and smiled, "Don't worry about it."

~

Three months later.

Shanea walked into her living room and picked up the phone, clicking the TV on as she went. It was ten p.m. "Hello?" She held the phone between her cheek and shoulder and moved into the kitchen, grabbing a bag of popcorn. "Hello?"

"Hey, Shanea." Marshall's deep voice filled her head and she sighed, "Hi, Em."

Three months had passed since they had talked - three months - and here he was again out of the blue. "I know - you're pissed, but I've been really busy - my album.. Kim."

"You don't have to explain yourself to me." She assured, "Listen Em - you're a very busy man, I get that - maybe its best if you just focus on your career.." She looked towards the front door as someone knocked, "You've got Kim and Hailie - focus on the things that are.. really.. important.." Once the door was opened she stepped back in surprise, dropping the phone to the floor. Marshall stood at the threshold, holding a very large bouquet of bright yellow, red and pink daisies. "You are really important.." He assured, closing his cell phone.

Shanea accepted the flowers and looked at him in disbelief. "What's this?" She asked as he hugged her tightly in his arms. "Just a small thank you - for that night, letting me crash here - everything you've done for me since we were little." Marshall leaned his head down and placed a small, innocent kiss on her lips - causing her to jerk back in surprise. "Sorry.." He mumbled, stepping back slightly.

"It's okay.." She whispered, his lips still dangerously close to her own. Who does he think he is - walking in and out of her life, looking all sexy - taking advantage of her with his charm and his money. He knew she didn't have anyone - just herself, she knew he was playing with her heart. Marshall leaned down again and kissed her gently, feeling that familiar twinge of pain and passion in his chest. He had no ill intentions with her - just want, and desire - his own loneliness overwhelming him every time Kim left, every time he couldn't be around Shanea.

"I miss you." Marshall assured against her mouth, touching her waist with his fingertips - holding her with his strong hands. "You should come to L.A. with me - you could see Hailie and we could be together.." They kissed again slightly, "What about Kim?" Shanea asked, closing her eyes once their lips met. "Kim's gone again - we're getting a divorce. I never wanted it to be her in the first place.."

Shanea moved backwards and away from Marshall suddenly, "I've heard this all before."

"I know.." He moved closer and ran his hands down her bare arms, sending shivers through her. "I've made a lot of mistakes in my life.. I have, but I want to make them right.." He kissed her, more passionately this time - moving his hands up to her hair. "I love you." He assured, in between kisses, "I really love you.." They moved backwards into her waiting bedroom, the beautiful flowers thrown carelessly onto the couch.

"Marshall, we shouldn't do.. this.." Shanea moaned quietly once his lips left hers and trailed down to her neck, pushing her back on the bed quickly. "No good ever comes from... this.." They kissed again, loosing t-shirts and coats in the process. "It'll be different this time.." He promised, "I'll never hurt you again.." Shanea looked into his eyes and nodded slightly at the truth she saw there.

Maybe for once something would go right in her life.

She welcomed his weight on her body as they moved back on the bed - never saying a word as their kisses deepened and he idly slipped her sweat pants down her thighs. His other hand roamed skillfully on her body, caressing her breasts through the fabric of her bra. She felt as if she was dreaming - that this wasn't really happening, not again - not to just fuck up in the end. Shanea's breath caught in the back of her throat as Marshall's lip moved down her neck and to her collarbone.

"..never got to tell you.. how good it feels being inside you.." He whispered, entering her in one quick movement - his face buried in the bend of her shoulder as they moved together, causing their breath to become shallow and demanding. He pressed his lips against her's - panting against them as he thrust into her at a shallow pace. He was so close - feeling her tighten around him.

Shanea opened her eyes to look at him, moving her hips in perfect rhythm with his own as waves of pleasure took over her body. Her nails dug into his arms, causing a moan to escape him as he slid an arm underneath her and lifted her hips for better access.

"I'm gonna cum.." He whispered, half moaning into her mouth as his eyes shut tightly and his own orgasm took over his body.

~

Shanea opened her eyes and glanced over at Marshall, "Hey.." He whispered, smiling at her. "I have to go get Hailie from Proof - he's startin' to bitch and moan about keeping her all the time..."

"Am I ever going to see you again?" She asked, looking away before he could answer. "Of course - I gotta fly back to L.A. and finish up the album, do a few MTV and SNL things - then I'll come back and see you. I'll call you though, okay?"

"Okay."

~

June 2003

Marshall parked his SUV at his mother’s old house and sighed, peering over the dashboard for any sign of life at Shanea William's house. She had called him a few times in the past three years - mostly talking to his secretary, and he felt terrible.

There was no coming back from this fuck up. If only she could understand that he was busy - trying to make a name for himself, trying to deal with life the best way he could.

"Yo, you Eminem!"

A young black kid came running down the street and stopped at his window, "What's up man - I love your music." The kid could only have been seven years old. "Can I have your autograph?" Marshall kept his eyes on Shanea's house, frowning once he realized she wasn't there. Matter of fact it didn't look like anyone even lived there anymore.

"Yo, kid - you know who lives in that house?" He pointed to the small gray trailer and watched as the kid shrugged his shoulders. "Some old woman last time I saw - but I don't know. Man, Can I have your autograph?"

Marshall grabbed a pen from his console and scribbled his name - unreadable - on a slip of paper. "There ya go kid - now get outta here." He ordered, getting out of his vehicle. He walked slowly towards the trailer and knocked on the door, waiting patiently as an elderly woman came creeping towards the door.

"Who is it?" She demanded, glaring at him from behind the screen.

"Hi, My names Marshall - I'm looking for the girl that used to live here? Shanea Williams?"

The elderly woman looked at him, confusion on her wrinkled face. "Williams? She sold me this place about a year ago - I don't know where she went." She assured, slamming the door before Marshall could ask another question.

"Great." He muttered, taking out his cell phone.

"Yo, Bizzy - you heard about Shanea? She ain't livin' at her moms no more."

"Ain't heard from her, dude. Where would she'a went?"

"I don't know man - I gotta find out, call Proof - tell him to meet me in Warren."

Marshall closed his phone and looked around for any sign of Shanea. Maybe she had finally got tired of waiting for him.

~

"Man you owe me." DeShaun assured, handing Marshall a slip of paper. "I went down to the phone company and got bombarded with paparazzi tryin' to get this damn number for you." He continued, watching as his friend opened his cell phone and began dialing.

"I appreciate it, man. You don't know how much it means to me." Marshall muttered, waiting for someone to answer. DeShaun smiled, he knew. Seeing Marshall and Shanea together would be a blessing to D12 because Kim was driving them all crazy with her psycho ways.

"Hey - Shanea?"

There was a long, nervous pause on the other line. "Shay? It's Marshall."

"What do you want, Marshall?" She finally answered her voice broken and full of emotion. It had been forever since they had a chance to talk - and she was beyond angry with him, she was heart broken. "Shanea, I wanna see you."

"Well I don't want to see you." He listened as her phone slammed against the receiver and went dead. He dialed back. "Leave me alone Marshall! Every time you come around it's just to fuck and then disappear for a few years. I'm not some fucking whore you can run to every time your wife fucks you over." Marshall held the phone away from his ear and sighed, turning away from DeShauns confused expression.

"Please, Shanea. I'm sorry okay.. it's hard being famous - tryin' to make everyone happy. I swear to you on my own fucking life that I'm here now just give me a chance, okay?"

"You know what - you sound like a fucking broken record, Em. Actions speak louder then your bullshit words and I'm sick of it - sick of waiting around for you to figure out what you fucking want - what's important to you."

"Shay - please, we've been friends forever - please don't end it like this.."

Shanea sighed, "Em.. why do you show up every time some bullshit happens with Kim? I know about those drug charges - shits all over the news and paper, why me? I didn't do shit to you." She muttered, her voice calmer now - sadder.

"It's not like that, Shay. Let me come see you - we'll talk, okay?" Another long pause, "I moved to an apartment complex on Chalmers - number fourteen." She muttered, defeated. A part of her wanted him more then he'd ever know - but she definitely wasn't looking forward to his visit.

"I'll be there in ten minutes." He closed his cell phone and jumped into his SUV, waving to Proof as he sped off down the road.

~

Shanea opened her door - surprising Marshall as he stood there, mid knock - staring at her as if he were seeing her for the first time. She looked different, older and more mature since he had last seen her. Her long brown hair was pulled back in a pony tail, her eyes still bright and beautiful. She was wearing a simple white button-down t-shirt and tan Capri’s.

"Wow."

She forced a smile and guided him inside the tiny room - directing him to the couch. Everything was straightened up, white and beige with blue candles on the TV stand and shelves. It was a cute little home - little being an understatement. "Nice place." Marshall began, sitting down with her on the loveseat. "Thanks." Neither of them knew what to say - or if talking was even an option between them anymore.

"I, uh - Shay, I'm sorry.." She shook her head to stop him but he couldn't, he had to get it off his chest. "Listen to me, alright? You have every right to be pissed off and hate me but I didn't do it on purpose. I've been dealing with Kim's shit and court dates not to mention making D12's album and two of my own. I never meant to hurt you I just.." He laughed, it all sounded so familiar to him. "I fucked up."

"Awww, you said bad word."

Marshall jerked his head to the side quickly and spotted a little girl standing in the bedroom doorway. She couldn't be but three years old, barely able to walk as she made her way over to Shanea who scooped the child up in her arms. "I thought I told you to stay in there with Barney." She whispered, kissing the little girl on the temple. "Sorry mommy.."

Mommy? Marshall couldn't take his eyes off the little girl, she was bashful - peeking at him from behind her hands and then turning around quickly to hide in Shanea's embrace. Her hair was long and black, curly like Shanea's but her eyes were paler and oddly familiar. "What's you name?" She asked, crawling out of Shanea's arms to sit between her and Marshall.

"Marshall, what's yours?"

"Madison." The little girl declared, giggling wildly. "Mommy calls me meanness but I no mean." Marshall looked up at Shanea slowly - bewilderment and confusion in his pale blue eyes. Shanea sat there quietly with her hands resting in her lap, trying to find the words to explain her three year old daughter. "I going to play now." Madison stated, sliding off the couch and running back to her bedroom.

Once the little girl was gone Marshall exhaled and stared at Shanea, waiting for some type of explanation. "I know I haven't been around in a while but.." His voice trailed off as his mind began to work - trying to figure the answer out for himself. "Shay?"

"I tried to call you.. several times but 'Veronica' your secretary kept telling me that you were in 'important meetings'." She began, looking down at her hands - she was ashamed. She had no right to keep something like this from Marshall but what was she supposed to do? It wasn't like she hadn't tried to tell him - call him, get in touch with him but he was a 'big rap star' now - he couldn't be bothered with things like a baby.

"Who's her fath.. how old is she?" He asked, his voice soft and nervous - full of emotion. "She's three. Look at her Em - you don't even have to ask who the father is." Shanea whispered, "I didn't mean for you to find out this way.. you left before I even found out - I thought if I just called you up after three years and told you I had a kid and she was yours you'd tell me I was just trying to get your money. I didn't want to have to deal with that."

"Fuc--forget that, Shay. You know better - I would never.." Marshall ran a hand over his face and took in a deep breath, "I can't believe this."

Shanea sank back into the couch - it was one thing to raise a child on your own without a father figure but it was another for the father to act like this was some burden you pinned on him. "I'm sorry Marshall.." Shanea closed her eyes and tried to will away the tears that were forming behind her eyes - she couldn't cry, not while Madison was in the next room - not in front of Marshall.

"I don't want.. anything from you - we are doing fine here.." She whispered, silent tears falling down her cheeks. "I'm not trying to fuck up your life with this - she doesn't even know.." Marshall moved across the couch and slid his arms protectively around Shanea's shaking body. She buried her face in his chest and cried, silently sobbing as years of grief and pain poured out.

"She's my daughter, Shay - god I wish you would have told me when she was born so I could have been there for her all these years.."

"I tried.." She sobbed, clutching his oversized t-shirt in her hands. "Shh, baby - I know. It's not your fault it's mine.. I never shoulda let all this bullshit become my priority.."

They were whispering back and forth to each other, trying not to let Madison hear their conversation. Luckily she was sitting in her tiny bedroom watching Barney and Friends on the television.

"It's gonna be alright Shay. We'll figure out how to fix all of this.. and I swear this time I ain't goin' nowhere.." Marshall kissed her hair and embraced her, placing his lips against her temple as she hugged him. "I love you - I always have."

~

Three days later.

"Who dat?" Madison pointed to the little girl that stepped out of the SUV, wrapping her arms around her mother. This was all very new and exciting for her but she was scared, wondering who all these 'new' people were. "Her names Hailie, sweetheart." They had agreed to meet at the park outside of Detroit - a nice little family orientated place where they could enjoy themselves without hearing gun shots down the road. They had come a long way since their childhood.

Hailie waited for her dad before she began walking towards Shanea and Madison, holding his hand tightly. Marshall had tried to explain Shanea to his eight year old daughter, telling her of all the times Shanea took care of her when she was a baby. How come I never met her daddy? She had asked, causing more guilt and despair to overwhelm him. "Hey." Marshall hugged Shanea briefly and smiled down at Madison, she was beautiful - resembling Hailie Jade in many different ways. "Hey, Hi Hailie. I guess you don't remember me huh?"

Hailie shook her head 'no' and turned around to hug her father, burring her face in his side. She was still too young to understand why daddy was always busy with work and mommy was never around. Kim had been hiding out from the cops ever since they found cocaine in her car - Hailie hadn't seen her in over a month. Marshall knelt down to Hailie's level and hugged her. "Do you want to get some ice cream?" He asked softly, watching her nod her head and glance over at Shanea.

"Ice keem?" Madison asked, her face lighting up in excitement. "Mommy mommy mommy Ice keem!" She squealed, causing Hailie to giggle as the toddler threw her arms up in the air and wiggled her way out of her mothers embrace. She ran over to Hailie on shaky legs and tugged on her shirt. "What's you name?" Hailie giggled and clung to her dad, "I'm Hailie."

"Can I get ice keem too?" She asked, "Pwease?" Hailie giggled and moved away from Marshall slightly. "Yeah you can get some with us." She assured, taking her by the hand. Marshall looked over at Shanea and grinned, letting the pair of little girls run off towards the swings. "Hay - don't let her get hurt, okay?" He asked, watching as Hailie nodded her head, "I won't daddy."

~

"So how do we do this?" Marshall asked, watching Hailie and Madison as they played together and ate their ice cream. Madison had her chocolate ice cream everywhere but in her mouth - in her hair, on her clothes. She was adorable. "I don’t know, Em. I've never done this before." She answered, looking up at him from behind her own cone of ice cream. "Hailie might understand - but Madison.. I don't know where to begin."

She watched Marshall as he held his head in his hands trying to figure out what they were going to do. He really had a knack for fucking things up - and once Kim found out about Madison? A sigh escaped him. He was seriously fucked. "Daddy look what I can do!" Hailie yelled, running up the slide quickly. Madison mocked her every move and giggled, waving at Marshall and Shanea. Shanea waved back, "Don't you get hurt."

"Me no get hurt mommy! I like Hailie she is fun!" The toddler declared, running back down the slide. "Come on lets go play on the marry-go-round!" Hailie took Madison by the hand and went towards the marry-go-round, half dragging the little girl behind her. "Mary go wee!"

Marshall laughed and shook his head, "They are so much alike." He mumbled - mostly to himself. "Maybe we can tell them separately - tonight after they get finished playing. I'll tell Madison when we get home." Shanea thought aloud, trying to figure out what to do. If Marshall was going to be a part of Madison's life she had to know that he was her father. "Shit you got the easy job - Hay's eight years old - she's gonna think.. all kinds of shit.." Marshall returned his attention to Hailie and Madison, watching them closely as they ran around the play ground, laughing and having fun.

Shanea leaned closer to him and placed her hand over his - making him look at her. "It'll be alright." She assured, watching his eyes tear up slightly. The thought of having a daughter and not being in her life for three years tore him up inside, made him feel like his own father. He wasn't that kind of man - he'd give back all his fortune and every rap battle he ever won to get those years back with Madison.

~

"Dat was so much fun Mommy!" Madison assured, banging a rattling toy against her car seat as they drove down the road - back to their tiny apartment on Chalmers. "I want 'dem to come play again." She continued, looking over at her mother. "You'll get to see them again honey." Madison giggled and slammed the toy down in excitement, "Yay! Hailie my best friend."

This was going to be harder then she thought. Shanea parked the car and got Madison out of her seat, holding her close as they walked up the flight of stairs to apartment number fourteen. "Madison, baby - you know how Marshall is Hailie's daddy?" The toddler looked at her for a long moment before she nodded, "I don't have a daddy."

"Yes you do baby - everyone has a mommy and a daddy."

"Where's daddy?" Shanea sat her down in her chair, opening a jar of peaches. "Well, honey - that's the thing, Marshall's your daddy too." Shanea braced herself, watching the toddler closely as she took this new information in, idly playing with her food. "Marshey's my daddy?" A look of bewilderment crossed her features and she sat up straight in her chair, pointing her tiny spoon at Shanea.

"Where he been all dis time!"

~

"Do you still love mommy?"

Marshall gripped the steering wheel so hard his knuckles turned white - keeping his eyes on the road as Hailie's question surfaced. It wasn't the first time she had asked - but it had been a very long time. "Hay, we talked about this - your mom and me, we.. love you very much."

"Does she love you? She never comes to see me anymore." Hailie sighed and looked out the window - pulling her seatbelt away from her chest as if it were strangling her. "I don't know how to explain it to you, Hay. We both love you - but we aren't in love with each other."

"What does 'strung out' mean?" Marshall finally looked at her, confused and angry. "Who's been talkin' to you like that?" He demanded, pulling into their large driveway slowly. "Jerry Mullin's at school said mom was 'strung out'. I called him a retard and threw dirt on him after school."

"Don't listen to what people tell you about your mom, okay? They don't know nothin' about her."

Hailie nodded slightly - watching the garage door opening slowly before them. "Do you love Shanea? I saw you at the park - you guys look like more then friends." She muttered, never looking at him a she spoke. She wasn't a baby anymore - she knew things, observed situations around her. "That's.. complicated, Hailie - I've known Shanea since I was a little older then you. We've been through everything together."

"Do you love her?"

"As friends - yes."

Hailie rolled her eyes and opened the car door. "You are full of it daddy." Marshall watched his daughter shut the door and walk towards the house entrance - never looking back as she left him in the darkness of the garage.

~

"Hey."

Hailie looked up from the cartoons on the large TV in the living room and sat up, allowing Marshall to sit beside her. He put his arm around her tiny shoulders and brought her closer, kissing her gently on the temple.

"Hey daddy."

"We've got to talk about some stuff, okay?" She nodded and looked up at him as he turned off the TV. "Do you remember when me and your mom stopped living together?" He started, watching her nod her head slightly. "You got a divorce." She assured, looking at the floor. "Yeah - and me and your uncle Proof went on a trip to see an old friend?" Hailie continued to nod, idly playing with her painted fingernails. She felt like she was being punished - having to remember all the nights her mom and dad would fight, trying their best to hide it when she was around.

"Well that old friend was Shanea." Marshall stopped, trying to figure out where this conversation was headed to. He had to tell Hailie about Shanea and Madison and how they were half sisters and how Madison was his daughter too but he loved her as much as he ever did. Marshall sighed, running a hand over his face and to the back of his neck. "Okay lemme try this.." He began again, looking down at his confused daughter. "You know how when mommy's and daddy's lov.. - like each other they... call the stork and he brings a baby to them?"

Hailie nodded, raising an eyebrow. She was a bright little girl. "Well, me and Shanea called the stork and he brought us Madison - but daddy's been busy with work and your mom's stuff - we're kinda finding out about her together." Hailie went wide eyed, "I have a sister?!" She asked, jumping up on the large plush couch. "I'm a big sister!" She cried out, jumping up and down - excitement taking over.

~

"I don't know if Hailie's even thinkin' clearly - she's goin' through a lot of shit with Kim.." Marshall muttered into the phone, lying back in his bed. It was 2am and he had been talking to Shanea for nearly an hour. "All she could do was jump around talkin' about bein' a big sister - she went into her room and started coloring pictures for you and Madison."

"That's sweet." Shanea assured quietly, "Madison's confused - she'll just have to get used to you being around I guess. Maybe if you talk to her she'll understand better."

"I'm gonna come see you tomorrow - gotta call Proof and tell him what’s going on, get Veronica to cancel my appointments with Dre for a while - got more important shit to do.." He assured, causing her to smile. A part of her didn't believe him at all and wouldn't be surprised if he disappeared by morning - never to show his face again. 'Shady' was definitely a fitting nickname for him. "Well - just do it for Madison, okay Em?"

"I'm gonna be there for both of you - Shay. I'm gonna fix all of this shit between us." A long - awkward pause passed between them as Madison began to cry in the back ground. "I gotta go - duty calls.." Shanea muttered, "I'll talk to you tomorrow.."

"Okay - tomorrow. Hey, Shay.."

"Yeah?"

Marshall swallowed hard and held the phone closer to his mouth, "I love you." He waited for a minute, sitting up once he heard the line go dead after a simple - "Talk to ya tomorrow." He sighed and closed the cell phone, looking at himself in one of the many mirrors in his bedroom.

~

To be continued.
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