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Secrets (Part 1 of 2)	By : Cyndiana Category: Singers/Bands/Musicians > Rammstein Views: 1549 -:- Recommendations : 1 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction. I do not know the members of Rammstein. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 1-Secrets (Part 1 of 2)
- 2-Secrets (Part 2 of 2)
- 1
- 2
Title: Secrets PART 2/2
Author: Cyndiana
Archive: A Feather in the Blood (http://groups.yahoo.com/group/afeatherintheblood/)
Rating: NC-17 for GRAPHIC depictions of underage M/M sexuality, language, frank discussion of suicide.
Characters: Till/Flake/Daniel (fictional character)
Synopsis: The death of Till’s father sends Till into a trip into his bittersweet memories…
Disclaimer: Don’t own Rammstein, wouldn’t be writing this shit if I did….Not for profit, is a work of fiction, yada yada bing bang BOOM.

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Flake packed his suitcase. Till came out of the bathroom and walked across their bedroom floor, wearing nothing but a towel.

“I see…I take a shower, and you leave me…”

“You know where I’m going…”

“Where you shouldn’t be.”

Flake kept packing.

“You can’t leave me alll alone….” Till flashed a boyish pout.

“Not going to work, Till, I’m still going.”

Till angered.

“Fine, do whatever you want!”

He grabbed his clothes from off the bed and stormed into the bathroom.

“Awww…I don’t even get to see you dress? Fine! Act like a spoiled child, see if I care!”

With that, Flake heard the taxi honk outside. He lugged his bags downstairs and left for the airport.

He felt so incredibly out of place. He had to do what had to be done. He acted as Till’s emissary, meeting and greeting his family, answering their questions about Till and what he was doing with his life now. The hour grew late, and Flake was ready to return to his hotel and rest for his return trip home in the morning. A soft, woman’s voice came from behind him.

“You’re here for Till?”

He turned around. “Yes, I am…I am his friend, Christian…and you are?”

“Veronica…Look, can we speak in private?”

“Sure.”

“Not here, my house. I’ll drive you.”

Flake nodded, and then they loaded up in Veronica’s car. On the way to her home they made small talk, but Flake still did not know how she knew Till, or what she wanted with him.

They arrived at a small house in a wood. She invited him in and showed him to a chair.

“Would you like something to drink?” Flake nodded, and she brought him a beer.

“I’ve asked you here because I have something for Till. Something important.”

Flake cocked his head to the side curiously as Veronica brought him an intricately carved, hinged, wooden box.

“This was my brother Daniel’s.”

That name meant little to Flake, and Veronica could tell.

“He never told you about Daniel?”

“No.” Flake responded quietly.

“Well, as his… friend, I think you should know…” Veronica said knowingly as she went on to tell him about Daniel, and about what had happened to him. Finally, she told him about the contents of the box.

“After he died, my father demanded all of his things be destroyed. They found this box under his bed. I knew what it was, he’d made me swear to make sure it got to Till if anything happened to him. I saved it all these years. I hoped against hope that Till would come back here, even for a moment…He never did. I know I could have sent it to him, if I could find out where he lived, but I didn’t know if he even cared anymore.”

Flake’s eyes welled as all his questions were finally answered.

“He cares, more than you know. I’ll make sure he gets them.”

“Thank you…” Flake stood, and Veronica followed suit. She pulled Flake to her and kissed his cheek, eyes moist from tears of old sorrow. “Now Daniel can rest.”

Flake set the box on the dresser of his hotel room. He curled into bed, hoping to get some rest, but he lay there, wide awake and restless. The box beckoned to him. He knew it was wrong, but he couldn’t fight the urge anymore. He turned on a light, grabbed the box, and sat crossed-legged on his bed, and began to read through all of the letters and poems the box contained. He sobbed as each one detailed Daniel’s great love for Till, and his heartsickness for having to keep his sexuality from him. They described how Daniel longed to tell him, and to share his love with Till freely. Then, the last few described the night they shared, and how Daniel longed for more. Then there were pictures of Till and Daniel together. Till smiled in them, unaware of the fiery love the burned in Daniel’s eyes.

Flake was satisfied he’d reached the end of the box’s contents and he was about to put all the letters and things back into it when he felt the inside bottom of the box shift loosely. He pushed it aside leaving enough space to the right that he could get his fingertips in and remove it. There was another letter. Flake read it, heart pounding. It read:

“Dearest Till:
If you’ve gotten this letter, I must be gone, and my sister must have done what I’ve told her, for once…
I’m sorry it had to end this way. Never doubt my love for you…I’ve always loved you, and I did this for you. I wanted you to keep your secret, keep our secret. I wanted you to be able to move on with your life, get married to a beautiful woman, have beautiful children with her. I hoped maybe one day, I’d fade away, lost in your other memories of childhood, rarely coming to your remembrance. I pray this all comes true. I hope you find someone who loves you as much as I did, and I hope you let them love you. I long for this, Tillchen…Please don’t close up your heart for my sake. Let them in, let them know fully how you feel. I was blessed enough to be able to tell you before…it was too late. Don’t face the same fate I did. I love you, I will always love you, I always loved you.

DANIEL”

Flake replaced the letter where he’d found it, and all the rest of the things, and cried himself to sleep.

The next morning, Flake took a flight back home. He’d hoped Till would meet him at the airport, but he wasn’t there. Flake expected no less of him. When he arrived home, Till was sitting at the breakfast table, drinking coffee, nibbling a strudel and reading a newspaper. Flake left the box on the table in front of him and took his luggage upstairs. He stepped into the bathroom to rinse his face, and heard the bedroom door slam.

“Where did you get this? Hmm?! Answer me!” Till’s eyes blazed with anger and pain.

“Veronica.”

“Did you read them?!” Flake looked away. He couldn’t stand Till’s gaze. Till grabbed his arm. “Did you read them?!?!”

“Yes…I’m sorry, but yes! You tell me nothing of your past! You weep and you suffer, and you bear it all alone and tell me NOTHING! I had to know…somehow….”

Till leaned on the dresser, taking great, heaving breaths. Flake reached out to touch him, to comfort the horrendous pain he must have been feeling. Till slapped his hand away.

“Get out of my sight…” he hissed at him.

Flake looked at the floor ashamedly, and went downstairs. He was still weary from not sleeping well the night before, and fell asleep on the couch.

Hours passed, and Till crept downstairs, expecting Flake to be long gone. He saw him sleeping, Flake’s brow furrowed tight with worry, even when sleeping. Flake always worried about him, longed to ease his nameless suffering. Till kissed Flake’s forehead gently, and all at once the furrows smoothed. Flake awoke slowly.

“Hi…”

“Hi…”

“Till, I’m so…”

Till put a finger to his lips. “Shhh…It’s ok…” Till curled up beside him. “I need to put this behind me, you understand?”

“Of course…”

“I’ve held on to it for far too long as it is…” Flake nodded silently. He laid his head in Till’s lap.

The tears came rushing to Till’s eyes as he spoke the words his heart couldn’t speak before.

“Christian…I love you…” Flake pulled Till’s face to him, kissing him with all the love and passion his small form could muster. He wiped his tears away. Till stood, taking Flake’s hand, leading him upstairs.

That night, they made love, and the only tears Till cried before easing into a gentle slumber, were ones of joy.
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Secrets (Part 1 of 2)