Hard to Say | By : VenusMoon Category: My Chemical Romance > General Views: 1267 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0 |
Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction. I do not know the members of My Chemical Romance. I do not make any money from the writing of this story. |
Gerard awoke to the familiar swaying of a tour bus in motion. Bert had passed out a few minutes after that unforgettable kiss, and Quinn and Jepha had to drag him back to their own bus before their driver had an aneurysm screaming about needing to hit the road.
A slow smile spread across his face as he thought about last nights events. He wished they could have gone further, but he knew they were both way too drunk to even attempt. Oh well, there’ll be plenty of time before the tour is over, he thought as he half-crawled, half-fell out of his bunk and pulled on the first pair of jeans and wrinkled t-shirt he could find. He stumbled to the front of the bus and winced as the bright morning sunshine hit his eyes.
“I’m never drinking that much again,” he announced to the rest of the band, who were sprawled out over various pieces of furniture, watching Night of the Living Dead. Ray laughed and tossed him his sunglasses. Gerard clapped his hands together in mock prayer.
“Thank you,” he mouthed , putting them on.
“Well good morning, Sunshine!” Mikey chirped from his perch on the edge of the couch. Gerard grunted and threw a pillow at him, knocking him to the floor.
Jesus, Mikey was wasted last night. How is it that kid never gets a fucking hangover?
“Hey, what did I ever do to you?” Mikey asked as he felt around for his glasses.
“You were born,” Gerard retorted, but shot him a warm smile as he flopped down on the couch next to Frankie. There was no way he could really be mad, not after last night. “How long before we get to the hotel?” he asked, turning toward Frank.
“Uhh, shouldn’t be more than a half-an-hour.”
“There is a God. I’ve never wanted a cup of coffee more in my life. I’ll say it again. I will never, ever drink that much again.”
“Sure, that’s what you said the last five hundred times,” Mikey laughed.
“Do you want another pillow to the head? Because it can be arranged."
Mikey just smiled and started thumbing through a magazine, humming innocently. Gerard smirked, and turned to stare out the window. He’d never been more excited to see the bus take an exit off the interstate. Sure, he claimed he just wanted a cup of coffee, but in reality he knew that once they were all checked in, he’d get to see Bert. The next show wasn’t until tomorrow night, so he had an entire day to just relax, and of course, by ‘relax’ he meant spend time with Bert. Man, I feel like a stupid high-school kid, he thought as a feeling of warmth blended with excitement spread through him. His reverie was broken by the shrill ring of Frank’s cell phone.
“Yeah?”
Gerard knew it was Quinn, everyone on the bus could hear Bert singing some ridiculous rendition of My Sharona in the background. He smiled at the image of Bert singing into a TV remote like a mic.
“Sounds good. Captain Hangover here has been whining about coffee since he stumbled out of bed.” Frank shot Gerard a wink, complete with matching grin. Gerard stuck out his tongue in response.
“Alright, give us about twenty minutes to get checked in and we’ll be there.” Frank snapped his cell phone shut and turned to look at the rest of the band.
“That was Quinn. They’re already at the hotel. They said meet them at the IHOP across the street when we’re done.”
“Excellent,” Mikey said, rubbing his hands together. “I’m starved!”
“Yeah, I bet. Jepha said he had your Rooty Tooty Fresh N’ Fruity waiting for ya.’
Everyone busted out laughing, except Mikey, who blushed and went back to his magazine.
The ten minutes it took to get checked in felt like ten hours, although Gerard was trying desperately to hurry everyone along. After what seemed an eternity, everyone finally headed over to IHOP, Gerard leading the way, practically running into oncoming traffic, grinning the whole way. But his smile faded when he walked in and found Bert, curled up in the booth with Jepha, giggling maniacally as Jepha tickled his sides.
What the fucking shit, man?!
He suppressed the stab of jealousy and forced a smile as they all found seats. After all, it wasn’t like they were dating…yet.
“Coffee, Captain Hangover?” Bert asked sweetly, sliding a fresh cup in Gerard’s direction.
“Damnit Frankie, if that stupid name sticks…”
“You’ll what? Smite me with the power of your beautiful voice?”
Everyone laughed, but Gerard just frowned, sipping his coffee.
“Come on, you know we love ya,” Frankie said, throwing his arm around Gerard’s shoulders and squeezing. “Cheer up, you’ll have plenty of time to brood and be moody when we do all those scheduled interviews.”
Gerard smiled at Frankie, then glanced up at Bert before turning to stare out the window. Damnit! This wasn’t how this was supposed to go. He sighed audibly. Come on, genius, what did you expect? For Bert to throw his arms around you, murmuring something cheesy in your ear like, ‘Good morning, baby”? It’s Bert, for Christ’s sake, he was just drunk and horny, and you were the only man left in a five mile radius that he hadn’t made out with. He mentally kicked himself for being so much of a girl, his bright mood from this morning now just a ridiculous memory.
They all finished breakfast and went their separate ways, off to get ready for all the radio station visits and press interviews. They decided to meet back up in the room Gerard and Frank were sharing that night, if they managed to survive another media circus.
Frank couldn’t help but notice Gerard’s change in mood, and decided now was the time to ask him about it as they stood together in the hotel bathroom applying their makeup.
“Always have to look pretty for the press cameras,” Gerard laughed, half-heartedly.
“You okay, man?” Frank asked casually, putting the finishing touches over the ‘X’ on his left eye.
“Yeah,” Gerard nodded, then sighed. “Who’m I kidding? No, I’m not O fucking Kay…” he paused, catching Frankie’s eye in the mirror and laughing. Frank smiled and raised one eyebrow, noting the familiar sarcasm that meant Gerard was hiding something. “It’s just, you know how I feel about Bert, and you saw him today. He was up to the same old shit. I feel like a total fucking idiot for thinking that a kiss from Bert meant anything. Damnit, I saw him kiss the garbage man once when he was staying at the house in Jersey!”
Frank couldn’t help but laugh. Gerard glared at him.
“I’m sorry, but, the garbage man?”
“I know, right?!”
“But seriously, I was there, remember? I saw that kiss. Bert sure as fuck never kissed Quinn like that.”
“I guess,” Gerard nodded, still not convinced.
“Look, if its bothering you that much, just tell him the truth. At least you’ll have it off your chest, because the last thing I want is to record an album full of songs about ‘Beautiful Bert, The One That Got Away’.”
“Man, shut it!” he sounded mad, but his smile gave him away. Frankie always knew exactly what to say to make him feel better. “Thanks, Frankie.”
“What are best friends for?” he paused, a look of mock contemplation on his face. “Besides a good blowjob.” He winked at Gerard and pulled him into a tight hug, kissing the top of his head.
“Well…I wouldn’t say good…” Gerard grinned.
Frank gave him a fake punch in the stomach and playfully shoved him out of the bathroom. “Come on,“ he chuckled. “Let’s get this stream of idiotic questions over with.”
The rest of the afternoon passed like a dream, Gerard had these answers down. ‘Yes, I’m obsessed with death; No, I’m not a vampire; It takes about an hour to apply the makeup…blah blah blah.’
He just couldn’t keep his mind off tonight. He had to tell Bert how he really felt. Frankie was right. Even if he doesn’t share my feelings, at least he’d have an answer.
He was laying on the bed, staring at a rerun of The X-Files when he heard a knock on the hotel room door.
“I’ll get it,” Frankie called from the bathroom.
He opened the door and was almost bowled over by Bert and Quinn, who were chanting some ridiculous rhyme that Gerard guessed they thought was witty.
“We’re here, we’re queer, we don’t have anymore beer…” they chanted, collapsing in laughter on the unoccupied bed.
“What the fuck, man, you drank all the beer?” Gerard asked, laughing in spite of himself. “You better get your asses to the store to get more, or Mikey and Jepha are gonna get upset when they get back from dinner.”
“I agree,” Bert hiccupped. “Quinn, Frankie, your turn to man the beer run.” He shot Gerard a mischievous look. Gerard’s heart leaped into his throat. Frankie and Quinn exchanged a knowing glance as Frankie looked around for his wallet.
“Okay, we’ll be back in 15 minutes,” Frank said as he headed for the door.
“Try to keep your hands off each other while we’re gone,” Quinn added grinning, shutting the door behind him.
Before Gerard even had a chance to sit up, Bert leaped up from the other bed and jumped on top of him, kissing him hungrily.
“Mmmph, God I’ve been wanting to do that all day,” he breathed, repositioning himself so his knees were straddling Gerard’s hips.
“Shit, me too,” Gerard gasped reaching for Bert and pulling him back down for another kiss. Its official, I’m in heaven, he thought as Bert pulled away and began trailing kisses down his jaw, stopping to suck under his ear. Bert ran his hands under Gerard’s shirt, dropping his head to pepper kisses over his chest and stomach. Gerard moaned as Bert ran his hand between Gerard’s legs, caressing his rapidly-growing erection through the thick layer of his jeans.
Shit shit shit I have to tell him. I have to tell him now, before this goes any further.
“Bert…ah Jesus Christ, Bert I love you,” he gasped.
Bert sat up like he’d been hit by lightning. “What did you say?” He asked, fear creeping into his eyes.
Gerard eyed Bert questioningly. “I said I love you. I do, Bert, I always have, I just never had the courage to say it.”
Bert sat in stunned silence for a few seconds, before jumping off the bed. “God Damnit, Gerard! Why did you have to fuck everything up? I think you’re hot, you think I’m hot. We could have just fucked and everyone would be happy. But no, you had to bust out with some love bullshit!”
Gerard sat up, staring at Bert in shock, his mouth opening and closing in an attempt to speak. “W-what do you mean, love bullshit? I don’t fucking get it. People fall in love. I’m sorry, I can’t help how I feel!” he cried, his voice turning desperate.
“No, Gerard. A man falls in love with a woman. Men flirt, men kiss, men even fuck, but Jesus Christ Gerard I can’t fucking love a man!” He paused, as if searching for the right words, tension showing in every muscle. He roughly ran his hands over his face and through his hair before storming out of the room, slamming the door behind him.
Gerard sat in shock, staring at the door, trying to understand what the fuck had just happened. Then he ran into the bathroom, violently emptying the contents of his stomach. A few minutes later, Quinn and Frankie walked in to find Gerard, curled in a ball on the bathroom floor, sobbing uncontrollably.
“Oh. Fuck,” Quinn said knowingly, dropping the bags containing the beer and running out of the room to find Bert. Frankie ran to Gerard and scooped him into his lap, rocking gently.
“Shhh, baby its okay. Tell me what happened.”
*******
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