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In Love And Death	By : VenusMoon Category: My Chemical Romance > General Views: 1741 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction. I do not know the members of My Chemical Romance. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
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Gerard stood in the tour bus bathroom wiping away the last of the makeup that hadn't melted off during the afternoon's performance. He'd managed to get a few hours of sleep, but now that the set had been played, he wanted nothing more than to curl up and take a nap. He gave his face a final splash of cold water, running his hands through is already sweat-dampened hair to dry them.
"That's it," he said to his reflection. "I'm never doing another set hung over again."
"And that would make the ten-thousandth time you've said that now?" Frankie said as he squeezed into the tiny bathroom, making Gerard jump with the sound. Seeing Frankie pulling off his shirt in the mirror behind him, he turned and smiled. "I know, right?" He laughed half-heartedly. "Where are the rest of the guys?"
"Oh," Frankie replied as he dampened a towel and started wiping away as much sweat as he could reach; or rather, the miniature bathroom would allow him to reach. "Matt and Ray are wandering around the pavilion with some other video game geeks they found." Frankie chuckled. "And Mikey is currently following Quinn and Jeph around like a lost puppy."
"Oh," Gerard said absently as he squeezed past Frankie on his way out of the bathroom, taking a seat next to the bus window.
"What?" Frankie asked, following Gerard out of the bathroom and wrapping the towel around his neck. "No smart-ass remarks about the big, bad boys from Utah corrupting your innocent baby brother? Who, by the way, is not as innocent as he seems."
"Okay then," Gerard replied, then adopting a fake worried voice. "Gasp! They're turning my brother into a slut! They're ruining his innocence and stripping him of his purity!" He leaned against the seat again. "Good enough?" he murmured, lighting up a Marlboro.
Frankie studied his friend with concern. "Dude, you okay? What happened to Happy-Smitten-Gerard? I know that wasn't just the hangover talking."
Gerard sighed. He really didn't feel up to talking, but Frankie was his best friend and he deserved an explanation. "I just don't know if I'm up to being someone's science experiment."
"I know you aren't talking about Bert," Frankie said, dropping into the seat next to Gerard. "He's completely into you. He made that very obvious last night."
"Well yeah, I thought so too, but..." Gerard sighed again. "But after you guys left he came back. I thought for sure I was gonna get laid, but he just kissed me and ran away."
"Ahh, I see," Frankie said. "Well, he did kiss you. That's a good sign, right?" he said, trying to sound optimistic. He tugged at the end of the towel.
"Did you not hear the 'he ran away' part?"
Frankie sighed. "Gee look at me," he said, grabbing Gerard by the shoulders. "He's a kid. Don't you remember what it was like when you were going through the exact same thing?"
Gerard slowly exhaled the last drag of his cigarette, then pushed it into a near-empty pop can. "I know," he said sadly. "And I really want to help him. Believe it or not, I really think I care about him... but shit Frankie, what if he changes his mind? What if I just wind up hurting him?"
"Or perhaps you mean, you'll end up getting hurt?" Frankie asked, draping an arm around Gerard's shoulders.
He started to protest, but realized that it was really what he had meant to say. "Damn you, why do you always have to be right?" Gerard replied, smiling a little.
"Well, I am a master debater," Frankie said, grinning. "And that must make you the cunning linguist?"
"Yeah, not so much," Gerard replied seriously before answering Frankie's grin with a wink.
Frankie laughed out loud. "Seriously, though. Just take it slow, y'know? Nobody move until you're both ready and all that shit," he said, yawning as he stretched out on the couch. "Why don't you go catch the end of The Used's set? Maybe you can catch Bert on his way back to the bus."
"Ugh, can't I just stay here and sleep?" Gerard whimpered.
"Nope," Frankie replied matter-of-factly. "That privilege is reserved for band members free of gaming addictions and angsty crushes. Now go. Talk, flirt, whatever," he said, pulling a pillow over his head. Gerard grinned and flipped him off before grabbing his sunglasses and heading for the door. "Oh, and Gee?" Frankie said from under the pillow. "When you get back I'd better see Happy-Smitten-Gerard, or there'll be hell to pay."
Gerard let out a small laugh put on his sunglasses, closing the door behind him. Fuck it, he thought as he made his way toward the small stage. Frankie's right. Whatever happens, happens. He walked slowly, enjoying the warm desert breeze and the sounds of the back lot of a rock concert - the laughter, the distant cheering, the guitar music filtering through bus walls. He smiled as he drew nearer to the stage. He could hear the band clearly now, and he was slightly awed by the powerful screams coming from the stage. Damn. Give 'em hell, kid. He smiled wider. He found Mikey watching the performance from offstage, his hands stuffed into his back pockets as he gently nodded along to the music.
"Hey Mikey," he said, startling him as he stopped beside him and lit another cigarette.
"Oh hey Gee," he said when he turned and realized who was greeting him. "They're pretty fucking awesome, huh?" He nodded toward the stage.
Gerard watched the singer for a moment, grinning as he doubled over and screamed as hard as he could into his microphone. "Yeah, I didn't know Bert could sing like that."
"Oh, I was referring to Quinn and Jeph, but whatever." He shrugged and continued watching, eyes obviously glued to Jeph.
Gerard laughed, rolling his eyes and thinking momentarily about what Frankie said about his brother being not-so-innocent. "My mistake."
"Okay, I think we'll leave you with a little something we're working on for the next album," Bert's voice echoed. He formed his hand into a gun and pressed it to his own temple, the sound of a trigger being pulled echoing through the grounds before the explosive music began. "I'm lying to myself, and this dagger's my excuse..."
"Ooh, I haven't heard this one," Mikey said. Gerard listened carefully, stunned a little by the lyrics and the pain he could almost feel in Bert's voice. He'd never heard someone's struggle with their sexuality put into such powerful words. But his jaw dropped as Bert started the second verse.
"I must have caught something in the heat of all these dances I'm a worm with no more chances And I've lost all doubt in a chemical romance."
"Holy fucking shit!" Gerard said as the band wrapped up the song. He looked at Mikey, who was looking back at Gerard with an expression mirroring his own. Both brothers grinned, loving that their band had just gotten a genuine shout-out. The Used finished up the set and left the stage. Bert headed straight for the bottle of water next to Mikey's feet, but stopped dead in his tracks when he saw who was standing next to him. Here we go, Gerard thought as he tried to think of something to say.
"Hey, great show," he said, smiling. Yep, that was original.
"Thanks," Bert said awkwardly as he picked up the water, draining half the bottle in one swallow. They stood in silence, neither one of them knowing what to say next. Mikey glanced back and forth between them.
"Yeah, I'm gonna be over there... helping," he said pointing to the stage where the band was packing up.
"So, about last ni-"
"Umm, do you want t-"
They both started speaking at the same time, then stopped, laughing.
"You go," Gerard said, smiling.
Bert looked at the bottle in his hands, absently squeezing his fist to make the plastic crinkle before releasing it. "Look, I'm sorry about last night. I was drunk and... .I don't know. What were you gonna say?"
"I told you not to be sorry last night, and I meant it," Gerard said. "Do you maybe want to go for a walk, so we can talk?"
Bert grinned widely. "Yeah, okay. But on one condition."
"Shoot," Gerard said.
"Take off those sunglasses. I hate not being able to see your eyes."
Gerard smiled as he pulled them off and they started walking away from the stage. "Wow, you should feel honored," he said. "I don't take these off for anyone when I'm hungover."
Bert's grin grew even wider, if that was possible. "I do feel honored," he said shyly, looking at the ground.
They spent the rest of the day walking around the concert pavilion, talking about everything and nothing. Bands they liked, their childhoods, how they'd both struggled with addiction in the past. Gerard told Bert all about art school in New York and his cartoon The Breakfast Monkey, and Bert enlightened Gerard about life amongst the Mormons. They spent almost an hour saying they must have been separated at birth, then spent a good two hours relentlessly making fun of their band mates, good-naturedly of course. Gerard couldn't remember the last time he'd laughed or even smiled that much in one day. Before they knew it, the sun was down and the concert was over.
"I guess we should get back to the buses," Gerard said. "As pleasant as the company is, I really don't feel like walking to the next city."
Bert laughed. "Yeah, you're right," he agreed as they made their way back. "Are you gonna be a gentleman and walk me to my door?" he asked, smiling sweetly.
Gerard offered his arm, saying sweetly, "But of course." Bert giggled and entwined his arm with Gerard's. They made their way back to the bus parking lot. "Well, I've gotten you safely home," he murmured as they stopped at the bus door. Bert unlocked his arm from Gerard's and turned to face him.
"So..." he said, stuffing his hands into his pockets and rocking back and forth on the balls of his feet.
"So..." Gerard mimicked teasingly. "Do you maybe want to hang out again when we get to the next city?"
"Definitely," Bert grinned as he opened the bus door. "Hang on, I'll be right back." He darted inside, was gone for maybe a total of two seconds before he jumped off the top step, nearly landing on top on Gerard. Gerard couldn't hold back his giggle.
"You have entirely too much energy," he said.
He grinned mischievously. "And that's a bad thing because..." Gerard laughed. "Here," he said, handing Gerard a small piece of paper. "That's my cell number. Just call me when you get to the hotel."
Gerard smiled and took the paper. "Will do." He let out a sigh. "I guess I need to get back."
"Wait one more second," Bert said, his eyes glowing with intensity as he stood looking at Gerard.
Gerard laughed. "Wait for what?"
"Oh... just this," Bert replied nonchalantly before he wrapped his arms around Gerard's waist and pressed his lips against the older man's. Gerard smiled against his lips and ran his hand through Bert's hair, deepening the kiss. Bert pulled away, smiling. "Goodnight, Gee," he whispered, releasing him from his arms.
"Goodnight, Bert," Gerard replied, grinning as he watched Bert climb onto his bus. Bert sent him a final grin and waved as he closed the door. He practically skipped to his own bus, grinning the whole way. Damn, I've got it bad, he thought as he climbed onto his bus. "Aww, sweetie, you shouldn't have waited up," he said when he found Frankie sitting alone in the front of the bus, staring zombie-like at some old horror movie.
Frankie took one look at Gerard's face that was lit up like a child on their first trip to Disney World, and grinned. "Damn, I was hoping to for hell to pay."
**********
Gerard was driving everyone on the bus crazy, chatting non-stop, fidgeting and smoking one Marlboro Red after another. He'd pull out his sketchpad, doodle for five minutes, then throw it down and grab his notebook. Other times he'd stare out the window, chewing on his pen for another ten minutes before tossing that away and getting up to rummage through the DVD's he'd brought with him. He'd decide on a movie, watch the first twenty minutes, then start talking again.
"Hey, did you guys know Bert and I had English teachers in school with the same last names?"
"We know," the band chorused.
Gerard blinked, then giggled. "Sorry guys."
"Frankie, how long until we get to Austin?" Mikey asked, exasperated. "If I have to hear about how Bert spray-painted 'Jesus was a fag' on the side of that Mormon church one more time I think I'm gonna puke."
"Aww, leave Gee alone," Frankie said, laughing. "Can't you see that your brother's in love?"
"I'm NOT in love," Gerard protested absently, his mind already going over his farewell kiss with Bert for the hundredth time.
"Yeah, and I'm the Queen of England," Frankie shot back, causing the bus to roar with laughter.
"Dude, I just met the guy. You can't fall in love with someone after knowing them for a week. You just can't."
"Who are you trying to convince?" Frankie asked sweetly.
Gerard flicked him off and picked up his notebook. "Whatever." He turned to the window. "Look! Austin, next exit! We're almost there!"
Frankie caught Mikey's eye and grinned.
***********
Gerard dropped his suitcase on the bed and flipped through his wallet, pulling out Bert's number. He grabbed his cell phone and dialed, growing impatient when he heard the second ring.
"Hello?" Bert answered.
"Hey, we made it, finally. I don't know how we managed to get such a shitty driver. I swear we circled Austin four times before he found the hotel."
Bert laughed. "Aww, I'm sorry, Gee. Did you miss me?"
Gerard grinned. "Maybe."
He heard Bert's now-familiar giggle."So, what do you want to do?" Bert asked.
"Well, I have some movies... maybe we could just order some take-out and veg out in front of the TV," Gerard said, hoping Bert wouldn't see right through him.
"Okay, works for me. I'm on the third floor, room 311."
"Alright, I'll be there in two seconds," Gerard said, slamming his phone shut and giving his hair one last check in the mirror before darting out of the room. He took the stairs two at a time and ran down the hall, looking for Bert's room. He stopped at the door, panting as he knocked.
Bert answered the door wearing only a pair of unbuttoned jeans. Gerard looked him up and down, grinning.
"Dude, I didn't think you literally meant two seconds," Bert said, laughing.
"Hey, I say what I mean and mean what I say," Gerard laughed as he stepped inside the room. He saw Bert's acoustic guitar lying on the bed. "Oh, were you playing?"
"Oh, yeah," Bert said as he closed the door. "I was just working on a new song."
"Awesome, what do you have so far?"
"Oh, well its not much right now... but I can play a bit if you want," Bert said shyly, picking up his guitar and sitting on the edge of the bed.
"Hell yes," Gerard replied as he sat next to Bert. He leaned forward and rested his head on his hands, blinking at him expectantly.
"Okay, I'm scared," Bert laughed. "When did you turn into a twelve-year-old?"
"Just shut up and play," Gerard giggled.
Bert grabbed his guitar pick off the table beside the bed, then flipping a worn blue notebook open to a page covered in words and scribbles. He took a deep, slightly shaky breath, and started playing.
"Wake up, my love Never thought you'd make me, break me Now I'm up, from below Such a brilliant star you are And will your love keep burning, baby Burn a hole right through my eyes And all the short times feel like no time I thought you oughta know
I'm so far gone now I've been running on empty I'm so far gone now Do you wanna take me on?
Do, do you, do you know Do you know how long I've waited To look up, from below Just to find someone like you And will your love light burn me baby Burn a hole right through my heart I think I might just trust you , maybe But I'm not sure I'm not sure I want to know...
Bert strummed a few more chords and stopped, looking up at Gerard.
Gerard just looked at him, smiling, not knowing what to say. "That was just... wow, Bert," he finally mustered.
Bert grinned bashfully and looked at the floor. "Thanks... itsforyou," he blurted.
Gerard grinned wider and resisted the urge to jump up and down, squealing. When had he become a twelve-year-old? Instead, he reached across the bed and lifted Bert's chin, gazing into his eyes. "Thank you," he smiled. "That was beautiful." He leaned in and gently brushed his lips against Bert's.
"You're welcome," Bert whispered, then cleared his throat. "So, are you hungry? I went ahead and ordered a pizza from the place across the street."
"Excellent, I'm starved," Gerard replied as he reached for the DVDs he'd dropped on the dresser on his way in. "So, would you rather watch Enter the Dragon or The Rocky Horror Picture Show?"
"Hmm, I say Enter the Dragon first," Bert replied. There was a loud knock on the door. "Food's here," he said, hopping off the bed and answering the door. Gerard put the movie in and stretched out on the bed, propping himself against the headboard with his arm. Bert settled in next to him. They ate in silence for a few minutes. Gerard was looking at the TV, but he wasn't really watching the movie. He was too distracted by Bert, lying shirtless inches away from him. It was taking all his self control not to jump on top of him. They finished their first slices of pizza, both throwing the uneaten crust back into the box at the same time. They looked at each other and giggled.
"Do you want any more?" Bert asked, gesturing to the barely touched pizza.
"No... I'm suddenly not as hungry as I thought I was," he replied, sitting up a little.
"Yeah, same here," Bert said nervously as he closed the box and tossed it onto the unoccupied bed.
"I'm sorry, Bert," Gerard said, sitting up completely.
"For what?" Bert asked, confused.
"For this," Gerard replied, before grabbing the back of Bert's neck and pulling him into a hungry kiss. Bert's body went limp as Gerard ran his hands up his bare abdomen and chest, and he fell backwards onto the bed, landing on his back. Gerard straddled the younger man's hips and pushed his tongue past Bert's lips. Bert whimpered slightly, forcing Gerard back to reality. He broke the kiss and sat up quickly.
"God, I'm sorry," he said. He started to get up, but Bert grabbed his wrist, stopping him.
"Why are you stopping?" Bert asked, breathing heavily as he sat up and ripped off Gerard's t-shirt. He wrapped his arms around Gerard's back and pulled him down into another kiss. Gerard moaned and broke away, trailing kisses down Bert's neck and chest as he began to gently rub Bert's erection through his jeans.
He halted his kisses and looked down at Bert. "Do you want me to stop?" he asked.
"Fuck, no," Bert panted, pressing himself into Gerard's hand. Gerard smiled and pulled Bert's jeans lower on his hips, standing up to pull them the rest of the way off. He stood at the foot of the bed for a few seconds, taking in the sight of Bert, naked and aroused in front of him.
"God, you're beautiful," he said as he laid back down. He stretched out beside Bert and wrapped his hand around his erection. He began to stroking slowly, causing a low moan to escape Bert's lips.
"W-what do you want me to do?" Bert gasped, arching his back and pushing himself into Gerard's hand.
Gerard smiled and trailed kisses along Bert's jaw to his ear. "Just relax," he whispered as he flicked his tongue across Bert's ear, increasing the speed of his strokes. Bert closed his eyes and moaned, the combination of Gerard's hot breath and experienced fingers pushing him over the edge.
"Jesus... fuck... Gee!" he gasped as he came in Gerard's hand. Gerard moaned at the sound of his name on Bert's lips and kissed him gently. Bert opened his eyes and smiled up at Gerard as he caught his breath.
"Umm... wow," he said, his bashfulness returning. He wrapped his arms around Gerard, snuggling against his side. He ran his hands up and down Gerard's back gently, then slowly inched his hand around to Gerard's stomach, stopping at the top of his boxers. Gerard gasped and closed his eyes. He wanted nothing more than for Bert to touch him, but...
"Bert, you don't have to," he said as he gently stroked the younger man's face.
"I-I want..." Bert stammered.
"You want what, baby?" Gerard whispered sweetly.
Bert took a deep breath and looked into Gerard's eyes. "I want you to fuck me."
Gerard's mind spun. "Jesus Bert, you don't know how much I want to, but..."
"I'm sure, Gee. I've never been more sure about anything in my life. Please," he was almost begging. "I need this."
Gerard sighed and rolled Bert gently onto his back, kissing him firmly as Bert reached down, opening the fly of Gerard's jeans. Gerard kicked his jeans and boxers the rest of the way off and settled on top of Bert, gasping softly as his cock brushed the inside of Bert's thigh. He shifted and Bert moaned as their cocks brushed against each other, gently bucking his hips into Gerard's, becoming aroused again.
"Bert, do you swear you want this?" Gerard panted, rocking his hips against Bert's.
"Yes, Gee... please," Bert whimpered. He reached over and took something from his bag next to the bed, handing it to Gerard. He nodded and took the cap off the lube, squeezing some onto his fingers.
He gasped as Gerard placed his slick fingers at his entrance, massaging in slow circles. Gerard put the first finger in and angled up, gently rubbing Bert's prostate. Bert moaned and pressed himself further onto Gerard's finger.
"Fuck... do that again," he panted. Gerard smiled and inserted another finger, eliciting another low moan. He slid a third finger inside, wanting to prepare Bert as much as possible. Bert writhed on the bed, whimpering and whining as Gerard slowly moved his fingers in and out. "Jesus, Gee just fuck me!" Bert cried.
"Shh, baby," Gerard smiled. "I don't want to hurt you."
"You won't, just please... please do it."
Gerard removed his fingers and pressed his cock against Bert's entrance, pushing gently. Bert tensed at the alien feeling. Gerard leaned down and kissed him gently.
"Relax," he murmured against Bert's lips. He gasped and squeezed his eyes shut as Bert relaxed enough for him to slide all the way in. "God, Bert, you're so fucking tight," he panted as Bert whimpered beneath him. He opened his eyes and looked down at him apologetically. He felt Bert relax around him, and began to rock his hips gently, making Bert gasp with every gentle thrust. "Are you okay?" Gerard panted as he searched Bert's eyes for any sign of pain.
"God, yes," Bert panted. "Just fucking fuck me, Gee."
Gerard pulled all the way out and slammed back in, hitting Bert's prostate.
"Fuck, Gee!" Bert screamed as Gerard contiued to thrust harder. Gerard knew he wasn't going to last long, not when Bert was writhing and moaning beneath him, screaming his name every time Gerard hit his spot. Gerard wrapped his hand around Bert's dripping cock, pumping in time with his thrusts. "Jesus, I... Gerard!" Bert screamed, spilling his seed across their chests. Gerard came seconds later with a quiet moan before he collapsed on top of Bert, both of them trembling and gasping for breath.
"I love you," Gerard whispered as he peppered kisses all over Bert's face.
"What?" Bert asked as Gerard rolled off of him.
Gerard lay still for a few seconds, stunned at his own words. He finally turned to him, saying in a suprised yet certain tone, "I said I love you."
Bert's lips spread into a grin. "I love you too, Gee," Bert whispered as he wrapped himself around Gerard and pulled the blankets over them.
Gerard smiled and kissed the top of Bert's head. "I'm in love," he whispered as he stared at the ceiling, unable to stop smiling.
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In Love And Death