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Pierrot POV Series	By : indira Category: J-Rock/J-Pop & K-Pop > Pierrot Views: 1585 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction. I do not know the members of Pierrot. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
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Title: Agressive Follower Author: Indira Neill E-mail: inofangirl@yahoo.com Archive/Mirror: sure fine whatever (I'm pretty sure no one is archiving these ^^;) Genre: yaoi/angst Band/Pairing: Pierrot AijixJun/KiritoxJun Comments: Connected to "Submission to Follower" but you don't need to read that one to understand one one, but it will help and I will refer to things. Jun is a really hard pov to write. Plus its not a normal view of Jun so, uh, yeah.
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I'm not as innocent as he thinks I am. Yes, I am naive, I realize that. And I do idolize him and I do love him. But I'm not innocent. Hell, I've been with him this long how could he expect me to remain like I was when we met. Its a game, I know he likes it when I play innocent, when I give him power, when I obey his command. But I do these things not out of innocence or because I'm naive, but because I love him. Well, at first I was innocent and naive and I didn't love him. I admired him but thats completely different. The point is things have completely changed between him and I and he doesn't realize how much has changed. He's just as out of it as I am. He acts like he knows everything yet he knows nothing about me. I know everything about him. I know he prefers just to use my body then for me to take an active role. And he doesn't know how much I hate it.
But the one thing I hate the most is that I'm powerless. Any power I did have I've lost. I've lost it to him. I let him take it. Aiji.
I had to. Kirito would have left me. I know he would have left to be with Aiji. If I hadn't had stopped him. Kirito really wasn't into Pierrot at the begining. It was what I wanted. Because I wanted to be with him. In truth I wanted to be with them both. And now I am. Kirito doesn't know. Yet another thing he'll never notice. And Aiji is so damn good at lying. He and Kirito will tease me to no end, act like I'm the stupidest person on the face of the earth. But then Aiji in secret tells me how wonderful I am and whispers all the things I wish Kirito would tell me. Because I will never love Aiji. But he makes me feel importaint. Ironic that he's the same one that makes me feel useless.
I've been writting songs. I've written alot, without Aiji or Kirito or anyone. But I'm not letting anyone see them. They're my escape. I love Pierrot, there isn't anything I'd rather be doing, but what I've been writting isn't Pierrot, its me.
Pierrot has become Kirito and Aiji. Its their vision now and I'm not sure how I fit into it. Maybe I'd be happier not having Kirito but being in control. But right now I'm hurting Kirito and Aiji.
Aiji is such a dork sometimes. He thinks he's cooler then he actu is. is. Kirito went to check what happened to Kohta. He may not act like it but he does care about his little brother. So Aiji and I are here alone. Teasing my hair like he always does. I'm not quite sure why he's taken a likeing to me. Perhaps he has some resentment towards Kirito and he wants his revenge. Or, like he says he genuniely cares about me. He's always telling me that Kirito will never love me. Maybe it is true because I'll never love Aiji. I don't want to keep hurting Aiji like this.
But I'm so amused by the way he treats me. He makes me feel loved. I'm laughing slightly at him trying to undo the buttons of my shirt with his teeth. He keeps looking up at me and giving me silly grins. I can't help but play with his hair. Its soft and wet. It always smells nice too.
One button comes undone without a problem. I could see Aiji praticing for this in his room, wanting it to be perfect for me. I wish I could learn to love Aiji, to tell him I love hI wI want him to be happy too. I could be happy with Aiji. Second button. He's better at this then I thought.rd brd button.
Ok, so maybe not so great. He starts choking and I don't know what to do. The threads might have been lose or something. I think he swollowed the button. Oh God. What am I going to do. He keeps trying to cough but nothing is happening. Oh God. I don't know what to do. I should run, get Kirito. Oh God. It doesn't matter if he knows. This is my f. Oh. Oh God. I don't know what to do. Where is Kirito. Oh God oh God. I shouldn't leave Aiji alone. Its all my fault its all my fault.
Silence
Coughing. Aiji is coughing, he's going to be ok. I think. Oh God let him be ok. I don't want to lose him. I can't lose him. Not now not now. He smiles at me for a moment so I know he's going to be ok. How did he manage to choke on my button. Oh shit, now its gone. Hopefully Kirito won't notice. Hell, he doesn't notice anything else about me.
"Remember Jun" he kisses me lightly. So much softer then Kirito ever does. "I love you even if you don't love me."
And I don't. At least not now. I want to tell him the same, want to make him feel the way I know he will if I could tell him the same. But I refuse to lie to him now. I'll tell him whatever he wants but I won't tell him that. I love the way he treats me, but I don't love him. Not yet. Maybe sometime I'll learn to actually him him.
He undoes the last few buttons by hand. The incident will keep him from trying that again any time soon. He only half slides my shirt off. Licks my nipples lightly. First the left then the right. I can't help but shiver a little. Not the same way I do for Kirito but close. He's more concerned about me then about himself. My whole body tenses. But we don't have time. I can hear Kirito comeing and so can he. He pulls away and I button up my shirt as best I can with one of the buttons now traveling through Aiji's digestive system. I hope Kirito doesn't notice.
We're going out drinking. All five of us. I don't want to go. Aiji and Kirito are just going to cut down my self esteem and then Aiji will bulid it back up and Kirito will cut it back down. I wish they would all just leave me alone. I wish that but I know I would be even more mizerable if I was alone. I need someone to make me feel whole. I don't want to be empty. I don't want to go out drinking. I'm so full I'm going to burst.
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Aiji got himself plastered like he always does. Lying on the floor like that. I can't believe Kohta just kicked him. He looked so pieceful. Kohta really is just a kid at heart. I envy him. I bet he's never been in love before. I envy him. I envy him so much.
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He wants me to cut him. Does he think these little scars I hold on my back hurt me? They've nevert mrt me because he can't hurt me. If I cut him, what if it hurts? I don't want to hurt him. I'm so open to him. He can do whatever he wants. When I'm with Aiji I feel in control, I feel I could leave Kirito. But standing here against the wall, my back bleeding for him. I'm his follower and I'll do whatever he wants.
Its the sad truth. Just looking at him makes me want to submit. I want to be weak for him so I am. I'm so much stronger then this. But love makes you weak. Even if it is one sided. It makes Aiji weak, it makes me weak. I wonder who Kirito loves.
Can Kirito even love? He can care, but can he love? OrI fiI fighting a battle I can never win? Even if I can't win at least I could tie. I can be with the person I love even if he'll never love me he can still be mine. He's probally sleeping with dozens of other people too. But he comes to me every night. I get to be near him.
Kneeling in front of him, slowly I cut him right were he cuts me. He likes to tell me he's corrupting me. He doesn't know how corrupt I am. He doesn't know what I let Aiji do to me. He doesn't know Aiji satisfies me more then he ever has. Because Aiji cares about me. Its unfair to Aiji. I give him as much as I give Kirito. But its not enough because he loves me and Kirito doesn't. But I love Kirito and not him. I feel awful.
I'm hurting Aiji in the same way that Kirito hurts me. Were all a bunch of happy masochists with Kirito as the lead sadist. But I'm the one sliceing into his skin. But its his knife. The same knife that cuts me is now cutting him. I don't want to cut him. I don't need him to bleed for me. I bleed enough for us both. I bleed every day of my life for us. And Aiji bleeds too. We're sheading enough blood as it is. Its going to tear us apart. Pierrot is no longer my vision. Its not Aiji's vision, its not Kirito's vision. Its a blurred mess. Its a blurred mess and its only getting worse.
"I want to prove to you we are already the same. You have wings too."
Yours are just black.
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Pierrot POV Series