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Tempest Tides	By : gomenaPSYCHO Category: > Kyo/Kaoru Views: 1003 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction. I do not know the members of Dir en grey. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 1-Tempest Tides
- 2-Learn to swim
- 1
- 2
Author: Jackrabbit Title: Tempest Tides-Chapter Two: Learn to swim
Pairings: Kyo x Kaoru
Warning: self-harm, medicinal misuse (drugs are bad, mmkay?)

//Author’s Notes: Wow I should really put sap as a warning… ok warning: this chapter is sappy… oh so sappy yesh. Anyway, thanks to the people who reviewed and also to the people who read, this chapter has been a bit stagnant in my hard drive but I didn’t think the first would be so… I dunno I didn’t think any more than five people would read it… or maybe five people did read it but kept coming back? Ok now I’m being stupid. And I will stop writing all over the fic. And I promise myself that as soon as I’ve finished typing this I will not press the down button and tweak the story anymore. I promise O.o()…

All this time I’ve been watching him.
Watching him stumble through the darkness, watching him fall, watching him break apart piece by piece. I refuse to watch him any longer.

I am going to help him through this.

Although my eyes are closed I can sense his anguish. When I walked in here the sight of his arm tinted red and caked with dried blood seeping out in a languid stream from his forehead and that distant look in his eyes, I knew I had shirked my responsibilities as a leader.

When I had tried to talk to him he began screaming at some unseen presence in the room and fisting his hair furiously while shaking his head from side to side like a madman. He fainted shortly after, multiplying the amount of questions I had in regards to his sanity. I entered the bathroom to find some cloths and antiseptic but to my horror I had found instead the source of Kyo’s condition, well, at least his physical one.

There was blood everywhere, and where there wasn’t blood, there was glass or medicine. The medicine cabinet, or its remnants appeared to be bent inward as though something had struck it hard. So I am quick to assume that Kyo had head butted the mirror in some sort of pent up frustration.

///I feel completely at fault as I wind paper towels around my hands, I was the one who told him his lyrics need revising, all of us were under stress and I was really pushing to have all of the music completed at least prior to the deadline. I knew he was depressed, paranoid, and on a dangerous path, breeding self destructive behaviours in his own relapse into nether sanity.

I had been observing him for a while, his awkward but determined stride had devolved into the most uncertain vagrant steps as he walks outside to smoke after recording. I casually followed behind him, keeping to his back the whole time, until he had reached the spot that suited him most and squatted next to a supporting pole, I stood to his far right watching. He had lit up, and his eyes were stolid and moved about in slow circles, as though he was searching for something he knew wasn’t there. He was uttering barely audible phrases occasionally shaking his head in disagreement, as though he was arguing with himself. After a while he just gazed idly off into the distance.

I lit up my cigarette to see him staring at the nearly extinguished bud in his hands. Abruptly, he flicked his upturned wrist over and proceeded to snuff out the remnants of that cigarette out on his wrist. Funny, I must’ve missed him flinching… or maybe he didn’t.

I walk out of the bathroom to the bed, Kyo sprawled across the sheets in his unconscious stupor. He looks like a fallen angel, his eyes closed, barely realizing he had been cast from heaven. The poor thing.

It took a while to clean him up, the blood had dried in his skin and clothing making the job quite difficult to complete with a couple of damp cloths. I even had to undress him to a certain extent, remove his shirt and pants. I mentally chuckle as the thought crosses my mind of how vulnerable my psychotic little vocalist appears, half curled-up on the covers of his bed, completely oblivious to my intense stare.

All I have to do now is wait for him to wake up. I plop down on the foot of the bed and sigh. Looking around the room, I decide that it needs a little light, judging from the intense colour of the carpets in this place I know Kyo doesn’t appreciate the sun in his secret sanctuary. I open the curtains, revealing a glowing deep orange globe resting above the buildings on the skyline.

I double check the bathroom, yep, still as I left it, completely clean, but missing mirrors and such.

It feels like hours have passed but I know that only fifteen minutes have gone by. I’m beginning to feel uncomfortable sitting down. I crawl up the bed next to Kyo’s sleeping form and stare into his peaceful face. Those sheets look awfully comfortable to lie beneath… I hope Kyo doesn’t mind, I just don’t want him to freak out when he wakes up with me in his bed. I grin as my mind plays out the scenario.

Kyo’s eyes would flutter open and he’d see me, he’d see the bed… and then he’d scream.

I slip between the sheets, immediately relishing the warmth radiating from Kyo’s body as I accidentally place myself closer to him than I originally intended. He stirs in his sleep and his face contorts to a deep frown as he hisses my name. I was quite shocked to hear that until I heard what he said next.

“Love me…”

I blush furiously as his face returns to it’s original state.

“Please…”

I must be thinking the wrong thing, he must be having one of those fast moving dreams, where unrelated things happen simultaneously.

“Kao, why won’t you love me?” He sighs in his sleep.

My eyes begin to water as I wrap my arms around his sleeping form, holding him close like a treasured possession.//

To be able to make love to someone you have considered “off limits” for over a decade is like being able to reach out and take the stars themselves into your hand and watch them glow against your skin instead of the black vacuum that is called outer space.

I never knew that Kyo had feelings for me. At least not until now. It never occurred to me, that he could possibly see me in any other way apart from the literal roles I played in his life up until this point.

I kiss his forehead, and he sighs my name in his sleep. I suddenly feel like a tidal wave has hit me as the guilt rushes back, the guilt that I had neglected his feelings for so long. I don’t know about these voices that he’s been hearing, but to suppress such deep sentiments without a word can’t be healthy. Even his music doesn’t seem to reach out to me in that way… or perhaps I haven’t been paying attention. Maybe I haven’t tried to reach back to him?

The next thing I know Kyo has elbowed me in the head and is looking around like he has never been in his own bed before.

I seem to have convinced him to see doctors and psychiatrists. The first thing the doctor had said is “antidepressants” and shoved a prescription for some pricey drugs in the adjacent pharmacy. In the shrink’s waiting room I have time to relax and think while I watch him. He’s biting his nails off at an incredible rate, gnawing them down ‘til the tips of his fingers are pink and throbbing, and I have to bat his hand away to prevent him from chewing his hands off. He is looking back and forth between the door to the doctor and the clock on the wall for another ten minutes before a burly man with glasses steps out from the door and calls Kyo in.

I have arranged for Kyo to stay at my place instead of his, and for Toshiya or Die to swing by Kyo’s apartment every now and then to check that the place isn’t rotting to the floor. All members of the band are present and a few representatives from our recording company as Kyo announces that he is depressed, and has been diagnosed with schizophrenia. After he goes about explaining the details of his condition I speak up.

“We will be taking some time off, just to make sure Kyo recuperates with no additional stress during this period.”

All present nod in silence and head to the door. I hope Kyo handles this okay.

I return to the living room to see him sitting on my couch with his hands clasped together in front of his lips in some kind of silent prayer.

A week passes and Kyo has changed drastically. Instead of being depressed, he is angry. Shinya was over for a visit on Thursday and I was in the kitchen pouring some drinks when I heard Kyo blow his top.

“OKAY? OKAY? AM I FUCKING OKAY!?!” I can hear his fist slam into the table. “No I am NOT fucking *OKAY*!!! Does that answer your FUCKING question!?!”

I walked back into the living room to see Shinya exiting, and slamming the door behind him. I look over to Kyo who has the same bewildered expression as me. I can tell he was shocked at his own volatile reaction to such a simple question.

“Kyo…” I breathe out, not sure what to say.

He looks to me with a tonne of regret weighing down his features, before he starts crying. All I can do is wrap my arms around him and tell him he’s going to be alright.

I called Shinya later that night, while Kyo was smoking out on the balcony. He was still upset at Kyo’s words, and I didn’t blame him.

I had to reassure him that he was having severe mood swings due to the antidepressants, he was either wired or angry. Neither of them were easy to deal with, he liked to frequent the fridge when he was wired, bouncing back and fourth asking if we had so and so seasoned crackers or when we’d get more ice cream. When he was angry he’d slam doors behind him just going to the bathroom. He didn’t sleep much either, which was very unusual, even during our most active of days.

I can’t tell what is bothering him, it seems like every time I talk to him he is expecting me to say something to him, and seems quite disappointed afterwards.

After the third week I had caught onto him skipping counselling and spitting his antidepressants out. I didn’t question him.

One morning he awoke a little later than usual, after me, and stretched, looked up to me and said “Ice cream!” I couldn’t help but return the smile that beamed from under his messy bed hair. I was so glad to see him smiling again I went out immediately to get the frozen dairy junk for him.

I couldn’t really decide between strawberry and chocolate, so I decided to get both, checking my watch, it was past nine-thirty, I figured Kyo would be getting a little impatient.

I was surprised at how quiet my apartment was when I returned, my keys collided with the kitchen counter with an alarming clash. I called out to Kyo and apologised for taking so long. When I heard no reply I assumed he was in the bathroom. I could even hear the bath running if I concentrated.

Several minutes passed and the sound of running water didn’t relent. Panicking, I ran to the bathroom to check on Kyo. He was bent over the side of the bathtub with the water running over his head.

“KYO!!!” I shrieked.

The next thing I know Kyo’s head has hit the faucet with a loud thump and turning around with a slightly annoyed look on his face as purplish cream drips from his hair down to his face.

I had never been so confused.

“What?” he grunts.

Suddenly it clicks. I burst out laughing as his expression of curiosity is replaced with one of complete irritation. The bleach has made his blackened roots disappear into the blonde mop that is current hairstyle. I apologise and step over and hug him, not minding the stray drops of water soaking my shirt over my shoulder. “Nothing” I say and return to the kitchen. I make him a large meal and place it on the table in time to see him rubbing the back of his head and grumbling while walking up to take a seat where he can see the TV. I find myself staring him for what seems like an eternity.

I refocus my eyes to see Kyo looking at me curiously. “Something you find interesting?” he says meeting my intense gaze.

“Have I ever told you I love you?” I say, ignoring his previous question.

He looks down, placing hands on either side of his breakfast bowl, I wait for a response but before long the glint of light reflecting off a teardrop halfway between his face and his dish has me rushing to his side, taking him in my arms.

“Kyo, are you okay? Did I say something wrong?” I ask trying to lift his face to meet mine. He shakes his head and presses his face into my chest and I can feel his frame wracking with sobs. I don’t know how long we stand here, him crying while I run my hands up and down his back, trying to soothe him.

“I… I love you Kaoru.” He says at length.

I place my fingers under his chin, tickling the coarse hairs that reside there as I run them up to his lips, and bend down to capture them.

“I love you too, my love for you extends the boundaries of the word.” I say as his eyes flick up to meet mine.

I lift him up, and carry him back to the bedroom, laying him on the bed beneath me. Within seconds I have kissed every available inch of skin exposed to me between his chin and his shoulders, and I am peeling his shirt off. I remove the rest of his clothing before looking into his eyes. He sheepishly looks down to my chest before flicking his eyes back to meet mine. He leans up to kiss me and I comply, relishing the feeling of having his warm tongue slide between my teeth, tasting the bottom of my tongue almost shyly, swiping in hesitant, gentle strokes inside my mouth.

When we part, his eyes are still closed, but there is a soft smile playing on his lips. I run my index finger down the centre of his chest, my eyes devouring the sight of his bared skin and toned stomach twitching under my caress. My finger stops at the waistband of his pants, before bending, and sliding under to continue down dragging the light fabric with it.

I grin in a rather lecherous way as my wandering hands expose his fully erect member. I let my hand return to his pelvis as I wipe the pre-cum that has accumulated at the tip, languidly seeping down the side. I make sure I have Kyo’s attention as I lick the dewy liquid off my finger, savouring every drop. He lets out a shuddering sigh as I slowly guide my lips to the tip of his cock, placing a kiss on the head before gently scraping my teeth down the throbbing length, earning shuddering moans from my patient lover. The inside of my mouth is filled with Kyo, and I can’t get enough of his taste, so pleasantly salty, a flavour that belongs to me and me only. I draw back a little before sliding back down, all the while coating his erection fully with my saliva and stroking him slowly with the confines of my throat. Occasionally I’ll slow down and curl my tongue over the head to taste more of Kyo’s essence his weeping member has to offer me. Before long, I am rewarded with an satisfied and profound moan as Kyo spills all he is worth into my mouth, and I swallow gratuitously.

He is panting harshly as I crawl up beside him and cover our bodies with the sheets. Suddenly, sleeping in until eleven o’clock doesn’t seem like such a bad idea.

“I love you, Kyo” I whisper into his ear.

“I love you too Kao.” he replies, a little sleepy.

I smile as he falls asleep in my arms, knowing that my Kyo is well on his way to recovery.

Now I think about it, the band will be called in for a press conference as soon as we resume activities. Suddenly, the dread of deadlines and rumours of Kyo’s mental health escalating in front of me make me groan in frustration.

At least I have someone to take my mind off all that when I get home, I think as I kiss his forehead, breathing in the scent of his freshly bleached hair.

To be continued…
- 1
- 2
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Tempest Tides