Adult-FanFiction.org : Celebrity

Not for me	By : KarinVAM Category: Singers/Bands/Musicians > HIM Views: 1450 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction. I do not know the members of HIM. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 1
- 2
- 3
His hand shook when he picked up his phone. Looking at the screen, seeing his name appear as his fingers brushed over the buttons. His name….sweat trickled down his forehead when it popped onto the small screen.

This made it all so real. Seeing his name there.

God, he couldn’t call. What would he say?

‘Hi Ville, it’s Bam….I found your poem and realized you're in love with me. And now I’m having second thoughts about my wedding.’ Yeah, that would go well.

Not to mention Jonna. Which was the most confusing thing of the whole situation. Ville loved him, but was about to marry her? That made as much sense as…..as him loving Missy while there was truly only one person in his mind. And no, it wasn’t her.

Ville…..he didn’t want to call him, but he really couldn’t ignore this. Missy was upstairs in their bedroom, waiting for him to come to bed. All he could do was stand here with the phone in his hand. Staring at his name and debating with himself.

He had to do this, he decided. He didn’t know what he would stay but…he needed to at least hear his voice. Just the way Ville would respond to him would give him the answer he needed.

If he had made the right choice, or the mistake of his life.
Oh god, just thinking about it like that made him feel ill.
So he took a deep breath, and pressed the button to connect the phone in his hand to the one miles away, oceans away, continents away….to Ville’s.
God, he couldn’t call. What would he say?

And it rang. Once...twice…

Click.

“Fuck”

He couldn’t do it. He just couldn’t. He had stopped it before Ville could pick up, and returned to his welcome screen. Where a sunny, happy picture of Missy and himself on their honeymoon greeted him. They looked so happy and perfect, only his eyes betrayed him.

He looked bothered.

Now he was downright scared out of his mind. This just wasn’t right. He was a married man, and his wife was upstairs waiting.

And here he was, standing in the kitchen, holding a phone and willing to throw this all away if Ville did as much as speak to him. It was just ridiculous.

He sighed deeply, pinching the bridge of his nose, phone still in his hand. He would just go upstairs, fuck his wife and go to sleep. Take his mind of the man driving him close to insanity.

Yeah that was what he needed to do. Stop thinking about Ville, and enjoy his days as a newlywed……Which seemed hard now there were no camera’s and people, letting him know how to behave, and how to feel.

He would simply not call Ville or contact him, until this feeling was over. He would not bring his marriage in danger for something like this. He just couldn’t.

He turned around, wanting to walk out of the kitchen, go upstairs and do as planned. His fingers still curled around the cell phone in his hand.
Then, as he forced himself to clear his hand, the phone suddenly began to vibrate. Followed by the loud first notes of one of his favorite HIM songs; Soul on fire.

His heart stopped, his eyes bulked, and a gasp escaped his lips. Such a shock went through his body, that he helplessly threw his phone away from him. Sending it flying through the air with beautiful spins and land on the hard kitchen tiles, making the black piece of plastic holding the batteries in break off with a loud crack.

Still, it wasn’t enough to make the phone stop ringing, and Bam knew who was calling. He had seen his name pop up when it had started ringing. But even if he hadn’t, he just knew it was him.

He was shaking as he dropped to his knees, crawling towards the phone, not knowing what to do. He could either let it ring, making Missy come down and ask about the noise. Oh why was it so loud.

Or he could pick it up. Yeah he could also turn it off, but deep down he knew he just couldn’t let it ring without answering. The question ‘what if’ would tear him apart. And his hands seemed to have a mind of their own.

“Hello?”

He knew his sounded strange; hoarse and with a shiver in his voice. Ville would know something was up?

“Bam?”

“Yeah, hi Ville.”

“Did you just call me? I wanted to answer it but you hang up.”

“I…what?”

Oldest trick in the book to buy yourself some time. He had no idea what he was going to say to him. He should just hang up. Tell him he made a mistake while dialling and let it go. But hearing Ville’s deep, melodic voice in his ear after everything that had happened and everything he had felt, he just couldn’t move a muscle. He was hypnotized .

“You called me, just now. What’s up Bam?”

”Nothing, I just…..wanted to see how you were doing.”

He heard Ville sigh on the other side. In relief maybe, he did not know.

“I’m fine Bam, the usually. Busy with writing and recording. So how are you? How was your honeymoon?”

The cheerful tone in his voice sounded flat, and Bam knew he didn’t really want to know. Maybe he had been right all along. Maybe they were really over. Maybe the poem wasn’t for him after all.

“It was fine.”

He knew it lacked if enthusiasm, but it was the truth.

“Just fine Bam? It was your honeymoon.”

Why did he sound so bitter. He wanted to cry for the way his voice made him feel. He was falling apart simply because Ville was….well, it almost seemed like done with him.

“I know.”

He know he sounded sad and small, and maybe annoying, but he just couldn’t help it. He wanted to know Ville cared. He just had to know there was still something between them. Else this would eat him alive.

“Look Bam, I gotta go. I’m busy and…”

No, it was not going to end like this. It just couldn’t. He felt tears prickling behind his eyes and failed to fight them as one escaped the corner of his eye.

“I found the poem Ville.”

He had blurted it out, wanting to do anything to keep him from hanging up. But there was only silence on the other end.

“Ville, I found it.”

“It was in the trashcan Bam.”

He sounded angry, but also frightened. He didn’t deny anything, and by the sound of his voice Bam knew it hadn’t been just a song or just a poem. It had been about him.

“I know, but I read it. And now I’m feeling all these things, and having all these doubts. I’m confused.”

“So am I.”

There was a pause, and neither of them spoke for a good twenty seconds. Only Bam’s whimpers were heard while he cried quietly. Finally Ville sighed, his voice becoming thicker.

“You want me to come over?”

“Yes.”

It was a whisper, but Bam hadn’t even let himself take another breath before answering the question. He didn’t know how this was going to work, or how he was able to explain this to Missy, but yes, he wanted it more than anything.

“I’ll be there tomorrow.”

There was a click, and the line was dead. Bam knew he wouldn’t be able to sleep, since the tension in his body, and the nerves about seeing Ville in such a short time, made it impossible for him to calm down.

He did go upstairs, stopping by the closed door to his bedroom. He didn't open it, but leaned his head against the wood, and placed his hand in the middle.

“I love you Missy. I’m sorry. Whatever will happen, I'm sorry.” He whispered, tears still rolling down his cheeks as he let go of the door, entering his editing room.

There was something that he needed to get out, and even though he wasn't as good with words as Ville, He felt the need to write.

And he did, behind the computer. It took him all night, but every word seemed to lift a little of the weight.

Loving you

Loving you
It frightens me
Because you now
Pull at my strings

Loving you
Makes me afraid
You will never know
All of these things

Loving you
It scares me so
Cause you’ll never
Let me be

Loving you
Makes me forget
All I have
I can not see

Loving you
It hurts my soul
Cause every word
Can burn like fire

Loving you
It pains me deep
Cause only you
I now desire

Loving you
Makes me feel lost
Cause I will never
Find your heart

Loving you
Tears up my inside
Every glance
Pulls at the knot

Loving you
I am so small
And every move
Can end it all

Loving you
Consumes my life
All the questions
Scar my soul

Still I can't ever let you go.

His head rested on the desk when he woke that morning.

Hi sweeties! Thanks for sticking by me and this fic! Tell me what you think pwetty pwease....so I will be happy people are reading it and write more! Am I blackmailing you?....maybe, but it's worth it!
A special thanks as always to be sweetest friend in the world Punksbitch, who I couldn't do any of this without and who has been a true angel to me! Thank you babe!
Much love!
- 1
- 2
- 3
You need to be logged in to leave a review for this story.You need to be logged in to leave a review for this story.
Report Story

Not for me