Adult-FanFiction.org : Celebrity

Savagely Bitter And Deathly Sweet	By : FrankiesLove Category: Singers/Bands/Musicians > AFI Views: 1233 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction. I do not know the members of AFI. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 1
- 2
- 3
Author's Note: Chapter two...in Jade's point of view. Just like the first chapter. Enjoy.

~~~

Sensation

The sound of something being dropped had startled me into wakefulness, the last images of the dream that I had been having fading from my mind like they had never existed in the first place. That happened when my dreams were about Davey, and they were always going to be like that, I presumed. Since Davey was never going to know the truth, nor ever feel the same way towards me, I figured that most of the things having to do with him were going to be futile until the very end. Closing my eyes again, for I had been staring at the roof of my bunk, I settled down a little more and felt sleep try to take me again.

A voice echoed in the back of my head and I tilted my head a little, hearing the words and yet not processing them into formidable grammar. That was strange…usually I always knew what the people in my dreams said to me. I listened harder when the words were repeated and then saw Davey’s form appear. Where were we? I looked around for a moment and realized that we were in the little apartment that the four of us rented sometimes during the breaks between concerts. Davey was in my room, his hands on his hips and his eyes narrowed at me.

He shifted stance, spoke again, and then crossed his arms over his chest. Everything was so confusing, threatening to spin, like I wasn’t anchored very well inside of the dream that I was having. Was it a dream? Or was it a nightmare? His words came into play and I was awake once more, almost hitting on my head on the ceiling of my bunk. Were it to be a few inches lower, I would have. Rubbing the sides of my neck and then stroking my fingers through my hair, I felt the tremors that were running up and down my spine, my body aching and wanting to relax again. But I was too afraid of those dreams coming back to me.

Sliding open the curtain on my bed, I moved my legs out first and then stood up, stretching a little and feeling a few of my joints pop. I even heard them. No one was around, and those loud noises had obviously come from outside of the bus. Peering out of the window just over the table in the ‘living room’ area, I saw that Smith was talking to Adam and Hunter about something. What though?

“Hey, you’re awake finally.”

I jumped, almost quite literally, the blinds that I had been holding open with two fingers snapping shut. Turning around, I saw Davey standing there and he held up both hands, laughing softly at my unwilling antics before he spoke.

“Woah…calm down Jade…don’t need to have a heart attack. You were asleep for almost two days…”

That’s when I noticed the darkness outside. Damn, I did sleep for a long time didn’t I? Sighing softly, I turned as if to say something, my lips parted, when Smith suddenly came onto the bus. He smirked and then smiled widely at me. I hated that look.

“Jade! Bro’! Guess what happened?”

“You finally grew up? Your balls dropped? Mom is putting you up for adoption?”

He knew I was kidding and it made him laugh, that cheery way of talking coming out again from his vocal chords. Heaven help me. “No…we got the go ahead for going over the border…but not before Hunter’s shit got checked for illegal substances.”

“Why?” Because it was Hunter, I mused silently to myself.

“Because they were thinking he was a skin-head of some sort. I mean look at him, he’s white…and he shaved his head. That’s typical or whatever. Canadians and their way of life, it’s just amusing sometimes.”

I tilted my head to the side and knew that he was joking. Smith was neither mean or racist, and I respected that about my brother. Turning to look at Davey, I saw that he was busy making something on the stove. Yeah, he could cook, and I adored that in a weird sort of stalker-ish way. Don’t ask, don’t tell. That’s what it is for a lot of people and what not. I chose to take that as my way of thinking most of the time.

“What would you like to eat Jade?”

His voice, melodic and soothing, penetrated my thoughts and startled me again. God, what the fuck was wrong with me? Tightening my hands into fists, I gave out a deep breath and then smiled a bit, releasing it when I felt a little more relaxed. I approached him and, in the way that I had for a very long time now, rested my hand against his other hip and leaned over, peering into the pot which obviously held soup of some sort.

“What is this? Did you pick this up after it had been dead for a few days?”

“Ha, Mr. Puget, very funny. No, it’s not road kill. You’re such a smart ass.”

“Come on Davey, you know I was kidding.”

The smile that he gave me made my knees weak and I just smiled back, feeling the heat trying to rise to my cheeks, to my face. I swallowed hard and then moved back towards that table in the ‘living room’ part of the bus, folding my hands on the table. I wasn’t trembling, yet my heart was. It was aching and felt ready to just collapse into a million pieces.

He seemed to take notice of this and moved towards me, sitting down in the seat not to me before he leaned over, resting his head on my shoulder. The seats themselves were booth-like, so he was able to do that. I shook a little more and he glanced up to me, not bothering to remove his head from my shoulder.

“Are you okay Jade?” It was barely a whisper…worried? I didn’t know, maybe it was.

“Yeah, I’m fine.”

“Are you sure?” What was it with him asking me all these questions? Alright, it wasn’t a lot of questions, but just enough to make me tremble. Was he actually worried? I swallowed hard and then turned my head…at the wrong possible moment.

He had lifted his head to speak to me, his lips parted just as mine touched them lightly. Dear God…that one second of contact was enough to make me yearn for him. When he seemed shocked over anything else, I drew back from being as close as I was and then turned to look out of the window. The tingling on my lips was still present and it caused me to unconsciously touch them, my fingertips trailing along the outside of them before I relaxed a little more, tilting my head to the side and sighing. Did I ruin things?

“Look, Davey…I’m sorry about that. It was an accident, I swear.”

He swallowed and then opened his mouth a few times to speak, only to close it again each time when he couldn’t get the words out. Finally he just shook his head and then stroked his hair back from his face, tucking it behind his ear before he whispered to me.

“No…there’s nothing to be sorry for. That’s what’s been hurting you, isn’t it?”

I felt my heart pause in that moment. When I felt the beats come back after that split second, I nodded, bowing my head and feeling ashamed. He bit on his lower lip, for I could see it out of the corner of my eye. He reached out and stroked at my hair a little, leaning close to me before wrapping his arms around my shoulders, holding me against him in what seemed more like a friendly hug then anything else.

“It’s alright Jade. We can’t help our feelings when it comes to those that we love…”

That instantly raised my hopes and I nodded, my eyes closing as I smiled at the thought of him confessing his never-dying love for me. But that didn’t come…and instead, I just felt tears come to my eyes as he started to speak again.

“But you have Marissa…and I have to respect that. Besides…I don’t want to ruin what we have. If we ever did…well…hook up…and then broke up…we’d never be friends again. I want to preserve what we have and not give cause to destroy it. Understand?”

All I could do was nod, submitting myself to the heart break that I felt on the inside. He moved though when I did, letting me out of the booth. That’s when I moved for the bathroom, muttering something about taking a shower. I wasn’t aware of it, but it was there all the same and before I knew it, I was sitting on the closed lid of the toilet in the bathroom on the bus. Swallowing hard every few seconds, I felt my eyes burn and the tears start to fall. I couldn’t stop them, not when I felt like I just had my heart ripped out of my chest and stomped all over. Fighting back the urge to make my crying audible, I covered my mouth with the back of my hand, biting down on it to avoid any sounds from escaping. The pain made me stop crying for an instant and I blinked, looking down at the faint red marks that my teeth had made. That was it…that was when the solution came to mind.

Moving my hand further across my mouth, I found my lower arm closer to my mouth finally. Swallowing hard and choking a little on a sob, I dug my teeth into the flesh there, feeling the blood pulsing beneath the surface before it broke through. The metallic taste of my own sanguinary fluid made me shudder…but not out of pleasure. It was relief, knowing that I could stop myself from crying.

I pressed some toilet paper to the marks on my arm, waiting until it felt like the blood was done seeping out. I needed a better means of doing what I just did. Standing up, I moved for the cabinet behind the mirror, opening it via latch and peering inside, looking over the contents. I found a little box that was meant for just maintenance around the bus in emergencies. Opening it, there was a small stack of silver, shiny-new razorblades. Swallowing hard, I closed my eyes and then closed it. I couldn’t do that…I could never do that…not over something as stupid as love. But was it really that stupid?

A few tears and sobs later, I found the pain traveling up my arm, settling right into my heart and canceling out the pain that was there already. Blood dripped down my arm and onto the linoleum floor of the bathroom. I looked down at the redness of it, seeing the little puddle get bigger every time a drop gathered and fell. I felt numb on the inside…knowing that I had no reason to feel anything if I couldn’t have Davey. Even Marissa. I’d end up calling her in the near future, I knew it.

My shower was long and devoid of me actually washing myself, my body trembling and threatening to collapse. Blood kept dripping down with the water, giving a bit of a red tinge to the water that was swirling around the drain. But it wasn’t serious…just hit a few capillaries is all. When the bleeding stopped I turned off the water, getting out and drying myself off. Boxers and a pair of pants were all that I dressed in before leaving the bathroom. I didn’t bother to comb my hair or anything of sort, wanting to curl up and just die.

Davey wasn’t in the ‘living room’, neither were anyone else. I got a Coke from the fridge and then retreated to my bunk, curling up under the blankets. My arm was cradled against me, the coolness of the condensation on the bottle enough to sooth the flaring pain in my flesh. Too bad it didn’t sooth the heat of pain in my heart. I closed my eyes and then felt it start to drift away. But Davey’s words kept ringing in my mind, not letting me rest or find any peace from the pain that they caused me. It felt like being stabbed in the chest again and again and again, with the cruelty of a sadist twisting the knife as its serrated edges hooked onto the flesh of the cardiovascular muscle in my torso.

‘It’s alright Jade. We can’t help our feelings when it comes to those that we love…but you have Marissa and I have to respect that.’

It didn’t directly state that he didn’t love me…but I knew that it was there. He couldn’t be with me…because of his morals and my morals…and because Marissa was in my life. I loved her, don’t get me wrong…but Davey was there for me through everything. Always the one to hold me and hug me when I needed it. He was kind and gentle, smiling and laughing even when he knew that he wasn’t in the mood. That was something that I would expect from a lover…but instead I got it from my best friend. Covering my mouth with my hand, I sobbed as quietly as possible against my palm before I took to staring at the back of my bunk, seeing Davey’s eyes no matter what I tried to think about.
- 1
- 2
- 3
You need to be logged in to leave a review for this story.You need to be logged in to leave a review for this story.
Report Story

Savagely Bitter And Deathly Sweet