Adult-FanFiction.org : Celebrity

A fatal mistake	By : fundamellie Category: Singers/Bands/Musicians > Pet Shop Boys Views: 944 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction. I do not know the celebrity I am writing about. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 1
- 2
- 3
When he entered the conference room at PSB Partnership 20 minutes later the meeting had already begun. He nodded at the A & R from EMI who was already engaged in a discussion with Chris. What was the question this time? Neil’s mind was not too quick processing information right now. Were they going to put out a complete Greatest Hits or just a selection? Oh, this again. He closed the door behind him and gratefully sank onto an empty chair next to his friend.
“Excuse me for being late. I’m not feeling very well today,” he apologised.
“I really appreciate it that you made it anyway,” the A & R told him. “I’ll try to make this as brief as possible.”
Neil nodded his agreement and caught a quizzical glance form Chris. His friend looked slightly worried and his look seemed to say: “What the hell have you done?”
Neil smiled a weak smile at him and then joined in the discussion without even taking off his sunglasses. He did not notice the way that Chris was throwing and shaking his head. He was really getting worried about his friend.

Several hours had passed when the cab finally pulled into a quiet side street in Fulham and then stopped in front of Neil’s flat. It was already getting dark, so it would have been easy to miss the lone figure sitting on the steps leading up to the front door, had the headlights of the car not caught it in it’s blinding light. It was his friend Kevin who was seemingly waiting for him there, but Neil doubted that the talk they were going to have would be anything close to friendly. For a moment he wanted to tell the taxi driver to take the car back to the city centre, anywhere really but then he knew he was not up to spending another night in some club. He felt worse than when he had first woken up; the slight high of the line he had taken prior to his meeting with EMI had long since faded and left him on the verge of a complete breakdown. He felt hot and sick and raw; his headache was so bad by now that his vision blurred from time to time. The darkness seemed to lurk somewhere at the edge of his vision, threatening to overwhelm him completely. He choose to stay in the back seat a little longer than necessary to pay the driver, he just did not feel like facing anybody, especially not somebody who knew about his dark little secret. And Kevin always knew what went on in clubs like Shadow Lounge. Having been a rent boy and a stripper himself, Kevin still had his contacts in the scene. Gossip there was faster than lightning and going to kick you right in the teeth if you had been doing something stupid.
Neil stepped out of the car and wearily made his way over to his friend. The young man immediately jumped up and adopted a stance that promised trouble. Feet apart, hands clenched into fists, a grim face expression and dark hazel eyes that were blazing with… What? Disgust? Contempt? Or even hate?
Neil ground his teeth and stopped right in front of the younger man. The cab had departed by now and thankfully enough the street was empty. Neil did not want the whole neighbourhood to listen in to their confrontation. For a moment they faced each other silently and Neil thought that the beating of his heart and the pounding behind his temples were so loud that surely Kevin must hear it, too.
“So what?” Neil asked eventually.
“You know bloody well what!” Kevin hissed. His voice was shaking with barely concealed anger and Neil could not even blame him for being mad at him. If he had found out that one of his friends had been sleeping with under-aged boys he would have been very mad at them.
“How could you do that, Neil? How? I thought you were somehow different, not such a pig like everybody else. Seems like I was wrong, eh?”
Neil closed his eyes briefly, drawing a deep breath. The words hurt but what hurt even more was the knowledge that he deserved them all.
“Could you please stop shouting? I don’t want the neighbours to get alarmed,” Neil pleaded.
“No, I won’t!” Kevin went on. “I will make sure that you won’t get away with it. I will make sure that everybody will know what a pervert you are. You like to see your name in the papers? Fine, then you will get a headline you’ll never forget!”
With that he stormed past Neil, pushing him aside roughly. Neil remained there for a moment, head bowed, shoulders slumped, feeling scared and lonely. Then he dragged himself up the stairs, unlocked the door and welcomed the silence that awaited him in his flat. There he went straight upstairs to his bedroom, not feeling like eating and just wanting to sleep. He undressed and changed into his pyjamas and went to bed. Needless to say, he found no sleep for a long time. The thoughts were spinning in his mind, his emotions were in a total mess and the headache drove him mad. Whenever he closed his eyes, he either saw Lynn’s face, wiping his mouth with his hand after giving him that blowjob, or Kevin’s accusing stare. Thinking about his boyfriend’s return in three days only made everything worse. It would have been bad enough without this complication; having to either tell Stefan that he had betrayed him again or having to spin another web of lies to cover up the
one-night-stands. But Neil had no clue how he was supposed to face his lover after this had happened, how he should find the words to explain this disaster. Or the nerve to act as if nothing had ever happened. But how was he supposed to do that with Kevin’s threads echoing through his mind?
He felt cold and not only because he was freezing. He felt dead inside, like everything he had ever achieved was lying in shambles around his feet.

8 days had passed since the incident with Lynn, Stefan was back from his trip to Munich to visit his father for five days and every single one had been a disaster.
They had been fighting non-stop from the start, quarrelling over unimportant things most of the time. Neil knew that it was all his fault but that didn’t made it any easier to bear. He still was in quiet a state, both emotionally and physically. He felt like he had a very bad cold and a constant hangover, his nerves were jangled and he was irritable as hell. His bad conscience made him feel paranoid, every morning he hardly dared to open the newspaper for fear to find that Kevin had made his thread come true and see the headlines scream at him about rape of minors or something very much like that. He felt trapped, not knowing where to turn for comfort and so he kept everything to himself, all the shame and the hurt and the fear. He had managed to cut back the drugs again, drinks only after 5 o’clock and lines only after dinner. This compromise with himself left him felling edgy and nervous. He hated himself to be counting the hours before he was allowed the next drink, the next line. He hated it and yet he didn’t have the strength to stop it completely.
And Stefan? As soon as the boy had come through the door, Neil had known how much he had missed him, how much he loved him and how he wished he could go back to day one and start all over again. But his bad conscience made it impossible for Neil to enjoy Stefan’s company as much as he wanted. He was just never relaxed, never fully there and Stefan had the bad luck of being there at the worst of times and not knowing a thing about what was really going on in Neil’s mind. Neil could see that he was hurting the boy, leaving him feeling unwelcome and left aside. But the more the boy tried to be nice to him, the more Neil lost his temper with him, feeling he didn’t deserve so much affection. It was a vicious circle and Neil had no clue how he was supposed to break it. Sometimes he caught himself thinking that maybe he should end their relation. For Stefan’s sake. To protect the boy from all the dirty gossip and the truth and lies and secrets he was going to hear from Kevin sooner or later. Stefan was such a trustworthy person, always wanting to believe in the best in everybody, he should not have to deal with the knowledge that his boyfriend had been in bed with a 14 year-old. Just thinking about saying the words ‘It’s over, Steve!’ hurt more than anything else. If he really found no other solution, he would be cutting his own heart into pieces but at least Stefan could still think of him as a halfway decent person.
Neil thought about all of this for the millionth time as he was watching Stefan over the cover of the book he was pretending to be reading. The boy was sitting in his favourite armchair, legs drawn up – which would have caused Neil to complain a couple of years before – doing rough sketches in pencil and crayon in his sketch book. The sight was so beautiful, it made Neil’s heart skip a beat or two. God, this German was just so cute, so gorgeous, so breathtakingly beautiful. Big pale blue eyes looking at the world with childlike wonder, the blond hair always in need of a cut and falling into his eyes, the smile, the lips… Oh Jesus, why had he ever started to betray this boy? Why had he started to hurt them both so much? Neil put the book down and closed his eyes; he loved his boy so much and yet everything was slipping through his fingers and going down the dumper.
“Steve,” Neil began slowly. “I’m sorry but I have to leave you now. I’ve got a meeting with Janet I almost forgot about.”
Stefan looked up at him, sketch book still in his lab, wide-eyed.
“Are you still angry because of the fight?”
“No, I’m not angry anymore. It was all not worth fighting over, I guess. I just have a meeting, that’s all. I’ll see you later then.” He got up and gave Stefan a quick kiss on the cheek before he left the room. If it looked like he was fleeing then he could not help it because this was just what he was doing.
Stefan looked after him with a bad feeling in his stomach. He knew Neil well enough to know when something was up and he had the feeling that this time it was something bad. Neil acted strangely and he did not seem to be healthy either. If only Neil would trust him and tell him, he could deal with everything but not with the constant feeling that Neil was keeping something from him. If he had one of his little affairs, Stefan wished that Neil would tell him like they had agreed on. It was all so very odd.

Later that night Neil was awoken by somebody’s hands on his body. For a moment he felt close to panic. Where was he? Who was he with? Don’t let it be Lynn again; please don’t let it be Lynn…
Then he remembered. He had come home deliberately late, hoping that Stefan would not have stayed up to wait for him. And indeed he had found the boy asleep in the former guest-room which was now considered by both of them to be Stefan’s room. Neil had felt guilty at the relief he had felt, seeing Stefan there alone like that. He just did not have the nerve to deal with the boy now; he had to get a grip on himself first. He had closed the door noiselessly and gone to his own bedroom. And now…
He would recognize Stefan everywhere by his smell alone. The mixture of shampoo, oil-paint and turpentine was unmistakable. It belonged to Stefan like his slim figure and his little-boy grin. He had missed this, he decided, missed this so much.
Being close to Stefan, sharing something with him. He lay still, let the boy kiss him, unbutton his pyjama top and place more kisses on his chest. He let the boy stroke him and marvelled at how much of a difference it made if you just wanted someone or you loved someone. Then Stefan was trying to pull his pants down, his hands sliding underneath the waistband, caressing his hips. Neil’s eyes flew open, in the semi-darkness he saw Stefan’s blond head move somewhere down, between his legs and he just couldn’t take it. He looked so much like Lynn, Neil thought he was going to scream.
“Stop it!” he hissed. He tried to grab Stefan by the hair to make him stop and when that didn’t work he slapped him. Once. Hard. The boy did not say a single word, but he hurried out of the bed and out of room. Neil wanted to say something, to say he was sorry, that it was not the boy’s fault but all the words got stuck in his throat and so he watched silently as the boy left him. He heard the sound of Stefan’s bare feet on the parquet, the door of the guest-room being closed and then silence. He could well imagine that the boy was crying now, crying over him and his unnecessary cruelty.
He felt awful once more, like a total monster and coward but he did not know what to do or say to make it alright again. So instead of following his boyfriend and apologising he simply sank back into the pillows and stared at the ceiling, feeling too numb to even cry.
- 1
- 2
- 3
You need to be logged in to leave a review for this story.You need to be logged in to leave a review for this story.
Report Story

A fatal mistake