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agitator	By : UtsukushiiAiji Category: J-Rock/J-Pop & K-Pop > Crossovers Views: 1723 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own or represent any of these celebrities. I make no profit from this, nor do I claim anything herein as the truth. It is purely fictional.

Chapter List
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Title: agitator
Author: Alexandra
Genre: Band-on-band drama, humor, romance, and above all, criminal activity
Rating: NC-17; sex, violence, very naughty language
Pairing: Kaoru x Toshiya, Die x Shinya, Kirito x Aiji, Hiro x Jun, hinted at Hiro x Taka and Hiro x Toshiya, estranged Kyo x Toshiya and Kirito x Kyo
Comments: Things get crazy, literally. So many story lines, so little time....
FILE 002: PRIVATE ENEMY
~Everywhere seems to have smiling faces, everywhere seems to have tears
only falling, Everywhere seems to have you
tearing out your hair and I can see it; the countdown’s already started for you to become strange…~
--Pierrot, AGITATOR
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
“Takeo….,” Jun murmured bitterly to himself, but it came out more dejected than anything.
He’d thought things had been okay since Takeo started interacting with them, even if it wasn’t his friendliest attitude put forth, but….
Why were you fine one minute and then hostile the next? I know they’re not our friends but there’s no need to hate them…Is it Hiro? I never should have said anything, should I? Now you hate me don’t you? I never should have said anything! I thought it would be okay, that the timing was right, that for that one moment in my life it seemed normal to feel the way I do, but after all, you still feel the way you do…I should have kept lying to you, kept telling you we’d pick out our next girlfriends together…Why are you like this Takeo, why do you have to make me feel horrible about liking the things I do….I want to stay mad and I want to resent you but….
He kicked a chunk of week-old snow from the sidewalk.
Damn it! Quit pulling this shit on me! For once I don’t need you making me feel like crap! Hiro means so much to me and you don’t even know him, so what the hell are you doing being such a jerk-off about a guy you’ve never met?! I’ve met every girl you’ve been with since I’ve known you, your family, your friends and all because if they were important to you then they were important to me. You can’t even do the same for me. I should have known that. I trusted you too. What the hell, why is this all so wrong…..And now Toshiya and his friends think you’re an antisocial weirdo like Kirito. They get to go back to loving one another and I get to go back to awkwardness. What is it with this band? You hate me and now everyone else is going to hate me once you tell them I’m the way I am. And we’re going to get stuck further into this rut of isolation when all I ever wanted was a band full of friends and someone to love me and god I --
He leaned heavily against some unknown building’s wall, trying to escape the people walking merrily around him by melting into the brick. His emotions were spirally out of control in a volatile manner he hadn’t endured since his teenage years and he blamed it on the liquor.
No, there’s nothing wrong with me. Nothing. I’m just drunk. My life doesn’t depend on Takeo’s friendship. My band is my work, and work isn’t about friends. Lots of men like men. I’m not a freak. I’m not. I just have to compose myself and think rationally. I drank too much and that’s all. I don’t depend on people that much, do I?
Jun lifted his head weakly to stare at all the passersby and the blur of neon lights swirling behind them.
I don’t need other people to make me happy….do I? No, that’s not normal, is it? Why do I care if it’s normal? Do other people’s opinions matter that much? What’s wrong with me? I can’t care this much about what other’s think, I can’t need people like this, I just know I can’t….I’m just drunk….
His hand had dug his cell phone from his pocket before he could think about the motion. Fingers rapidly flew over the tiny keys and before he knew it he had dialed Hiro’s number.
~*~
“What are you staring at?” Shinya panted as he slammed his foot down on the blue arrow in rapid succession, eyes fixed on the colorful screen before him. “I thought you were gonna join me?”
Die simply shrugged.
“You’re way better than I’ll ever be…I like to watch.”
The drummer spared a glance at his companion.
“Yeah but---oh no you don’t bitch!”
His body jounced with the effort to make up for his missing a sequence of steps while looking to Die, attention refocusing on becoming the first Visual Kei band member ever to conquer the likes of Dance Dance Revolution 3rd remix. The redhead watched his every move, eyes clinging to him like those of a lovesick puppy’s.
A lovesick puppy about to devour his prey out of lust.
It had been around thirty minutes since the band had departed from the bar, silently acknowledging that the urge to satisfy their hormones was becoming greater than the need to bond in drunken camaraderie. Jun and Takeo’s sudden departure seemed to give them a good enough excuse to pay the bill and follow. Toshiya and Kaoru had waved goodbye to them happily enough, Toshiya wobbling a bit atop his platform heels as Kaoru helped him into a cab.
Well, he’ll be walking a lot worse than that tonight if Kaoru has his way, Die thought, a little envious of the other guitarist.
It wasn’t that he’d rather be spending the night with Toshiya, although there weren’t many other people who could say that. He was perfectly content spending the night with the other amazingly slender tease of his band.
That is, if Shinya would have him.
As luck would have it, Die happened to be stretching the truth a little when it came to Shinya, and well, him getting laid. Everyone in the band believed the two to be a couple, and Toshiya regularly chided Die must be the reason Shinya always looked like he’d had a stick shoved up his ass at practice. But oh how the guitarist wished he could come anywhere close to the boy’s pretty rump, let alone shove himself up it….Die had managed to coax Shinya into giving him approximately five hand-jobs, head twice, and countless cop-a-feels and lip-locks since he’d endeavored to bed the boy, but all under the influence of alcohol. A lot of alcohol. He’d thought the first time they’d gotten really drunk together that it was just shy Shinya giving into his underlying desire for him, but the next day when he’d tried to touch the boy in the same manner Shinya had nearly gone into cardiac arrest trying to fend him off and Kyo had had to step in, much to Die’s mortification. What Toshiya and Kaoru didn’t realize was how much money he was having to dish out to get the reclusive drummer to warm up to him in the least. Always lost in each other, they rarely realized most of the events happening outside of their love life, so it didn’t surprise him. Toshiya naturally believed what Die had told him since Shinya was normally a block of ice during practice and wouldn’t give them the time of day, and Kaoru listened to anything the bassist believed. Kyo couldn’t care less of course, so his opinion mattered little. But it was all starting to take its toll on Die. He’d never spent this much on a girl just to get action, and dammit it was time for Shinya to put out. He may be a guy, and he may be the first guy to catch Die’s interest for more than a night, but that didn’t put him above the rules of money and dating in Die’s opinion.
“K’so!!!”
Shinya jumped on the unsuspecting game pad one more time in anger, in a rather un-Shinya-like manner.
“Die-kun~ you have another 100yen piece?”
Die snapped out of his ponderings.
“Sure baby, gimme a sec.”
He brought out his wallet and poked around, finally handing Shinya two coins just in case.
God, he thought while watching the drummer step back on the platform with a determined look etched in his face, he could ask me for a horse and I’d buy it for him since I’m so desperate…Shin-chan why do you drive me so crazy…And if you really were mine I’d probably spoil you rotten wouldn’t I? Damn, quit makin’ me so soft…
Naturally large eyes followed the brunette’s every move, including the flick of Shinya’s wrist as he brushed his growing-long-again hair out of his face. Tonight he didn’t have any makeup on, as Toshiya and Kaoru were usually the only ones so self-conscious about their eyes that they felt the need to wear eyeliner religiously. But Die liked Shinya, ironically enough, looking like a guy. There was something eternally boyish about his face and smirk that wrapped his thin frame in an air of innocence Die found intriguing as well as seductive. When he was done up by the makeup artists he always ended up looking too old and serious in Die’s opinion, even if he did look more feminine. Too far from his reach, and that was the last thing the redhead liked to be reminded of. He idly wondered if Shinya had been lying earlier about the other men he’d been with, and if he hadn’t, how the hell had they managed to get him so easily? Did Shinya find him so ugly he could only touch him when he could barely see straight? Was that it? The thought irked him.
He was going to make Shinya his tonight and be damned if it didn’t stay that way, sobriety or no sobriety.
“Come on Shinya-kun,” he said while pushing off his leaning post, “let’s go home. I gotta feed my goldfish. You know how pissed the fat one gets without food…”
Shinya giggled again, flashing a pretty white smile that made Die’s insides melt.
“But Die-kun,” he started, stopping his movement and giving the screen a mournful look as he watched his lead go to hell, “you’re the one who insisted I play this game…”
He looked at the screen one more time in confirmation of his loss and stepped off the platform, stumbling a bit and into Die’s waiting arms.
That was true enough. Die had goaded Shinya into playing the very non-masculine arcade game with him the first time they’d gotten drunk together, and since then his mind seemed to have made the odd connection between Shinya’s mock-dancing and him getting sexual attention. Every time he ended up dragging the drummer to the game center near his apartment, loving the concentration Shinya put forth for the game when he had a hard time walking properly to begin with. Then he proceeded to drag him back to his apartment and strive to get whatever affection he could from the boy. Either Shinya didn’t remember his effort in the morning or he was actually starting to like the game after playing it so many times. Die wouldn’t know, considering Shinya had a nasty habit of leaving before the guitarist was awake when morning came around and he never got answers for anything…
“…..and are the goldfish really more important than me having a good time?” Shinya practically purred as he pressed himself against Die’s body, hands slipping into the back pockets of his jeans.
I am not going to get a hard-on, I am not going to get a hard-on, I am not---
“Well?” he demanded, pushing Die’s hips further into his, leaning heavily against his chest and placing a lazy kiss on his jawbone.
Oh dammit…., the redhead cursed as he felt himself hardening at the feel of the drummer’s lips. That was the last thing he needed, throwing Shinya back onto the game platform and fucking him senseless while some 10 year-old watched. Well, no, it would serve the 10 year-old’s parents right for letting him out this late…
“No, of course not Shinya, nothing’s more important than you having a good time…,” he said, voice a little shaky with lust.
He could have been imagining things but it felt like his block-of-ice drummer was slowly rubbing his hips against his in a rather heated manner…
“Ne, let’s have a good time together honey…,” Die whispered huskily into Shinya’s ear, his own arms tightening their grip around the boy’s waist.
Shinya giggled again and pulled his face back a little.
“Die-kun, sugoku kakko ii yo ne…” he murmured while tilting his head to one side in a girlish manner, ear nearly touching his shoulder. His eyes looked the guitarist’s body up and down once.
“Kakko ii yarou ?” Die replied with a small smile on his lips, liking the way Shinya was behaving in favor of him getting some.
“You could be a rock star….,” he said shyly, eyes glazed over in adoration. His hand pulled out of Die’s pocket so he could play with the woven hat encasing most of his flaming hair, then slid back down to Die’s chest, stroking idly.
Huh?
Shinya I am---
Die smiled wide, thankful that his shades hid his eyes as he frantically searched Shinya’s face for any trace of insincerity.
“Thanks.”
He captured the younger boy’s face in his hand and brought their lips closer to test his theory.
“And you,” he whispered lovingly, “could be Miss Japan 2001….”
Shinya blushed and laughed happily into Die’s kiss.
If Shinya was this drunk, he had to get him home now….
~*~
Kohta woke to the theme of 11PM being churned out in electronic bleeps by his bedside and the light of his cell phone screen and antenna blinking madly. His hand shot out and with a practiced ease lifted it out of the little inflatable chair it sat in, dragging the phone into the warm depths of his comforter.
“Moshi moshi, Kohta desukedoooooh,” he yawned sleepily, stretching out the end syllable unintentionally.
“Kohta?”
His eyes snapped open at the sound of a familiar male voice.
“Aiji?” he answered worriedly. Why was he calling so late? Was something wrong?
“No, it’s Takeo.”
There was a pause as Takeo tried to figure out why Kohta had called him Aiji.
“Takeo?” he repeated, trying to stifle his sigh of relief. Kirito wasn’t dead and he hadn’t hurt Aiji either. “Sorry, you sound a lot like Aiji on the phone….”
“Oh. I guess everyone sounds the same this late huh?”
Kohta thought that was supposed to be a joke, but Takeo didn’t sound like he was anywhere near laughing.
“I guess…Has something happened?”
Takeo had never called him before and he’d almost forgotten the man had his number. Jun always told him if the drummer wasn’t coming to practice and there didn’t seem to be much more of a reason to call.
“Sort of. Listen, I know we never talk, and I know I don’t have the right to call you at all hours of the night, but I’d really appreciate it if you answer a question for me.”
Kohta wondered what the hell was going on, but since Takeo had never bothered to turn to him before he figured it must be something important. He shifted onto his back and sat a little more upright in bed.
“Sure.”
There was another pause.
“Did you know Jun’s dating a guy?”
Well, that certainly wasn’t what he’d been expecting.
“No…..Jun’s gay?” he asked a little dumbfounded, then realized that may have sounded stupid. But if Takeo expected to wake him from sleeping and have an intelligent conversation then that was his fault…
“I don’t know. You’d think I would know that, wouldn’t you?”
“Well there’s no reason you should really, I don’t think…”
“Kohta, Jun’s my best friend.”
He didn’t know that.
“Oh.”
“You feel any different about him?”
“Well, no….He’s a grown man, I think he knows what he wants, I guess…And anyways he’s still a great guitarist right?”
Takeo pressed on.
“You and Kirito are close right?”
Kohta didn’t think twice about how to answer that one, even though he was about to redefine the word ‘close’.
“Yeah.”
“Is Kirito gay?”
“No, I’m pretty sure he’s not…..”
What was Takeo getting at with these questions?
“Then he’s not dating Aiji, right?”
“…..Right.”
Even though he thought Aiji would do a lot of good for his brother…But he refrained from saying that. Takeo didn’t need to hear those kinds of things.
The line grew quiet for awhile.
“Moshi moshi?”
“Kohta you can care a lot about someone without being in love with them, right?”
“Takeo why are you---”
“Right?”
Kohta paused.
“Listen do you want to come over or something? I don’t know what’s going on but you sound really pissed off and I think the last thing any of us need is more trouble today.”
His eyes felt like they were on fire but…
The drummer sighed like he had just put a hand to his forehead.
“Listen I’m sorry, I don’t mean to be an ass, it’s just…”
“Hey it’s okay. Come over and we’ll talk about it. No big deal.”
There was silence again and Kohta thought the other’s cell phone may have gone dead.
“…….Thanks.”
~*~
“Faster!”
“Totchi I can’t---”
“I said faster dammit!!!”
Kaoru bit his lip and tried his best to comply.
“There….almost….you’re almost there…Ahhh!!” Toshiya yelled in excitement.
The guitarist lost his concentration at the beautiful sound and blew his rhythm. His boyfriend moaned in disappointment and agony.
“Oh god now look, there’s blood spurting all over the place..You suck Kaoru…”
“But Totchi you were the one who---”
“I thought I taught you better than that? Weren’t you watching all those other times?
“Yes but---”
“Oh gimme that,” Toshiya sighed as he swiped the controller from Kaoru’s tired hand.
“I trust you to cut the daikon properly and all you do is chop your fingers…And we were so far too…I’ll never beat the stupid ramen-ya level at this rate!!!”
“Toshiya, why do you insist on playing this damn game when we’re drunk? I can barely play it sober….”
He shifted closer to the bassist and reached out to start rubbing the inside of the boy’s thigh.
“Why can’t we just cuddle….I bet that’s what Die and Shinya are doing right now….”
“No, Die likes to make Shinya play Dance Dance Revolution before they have sex. He says the sight of Shinya kicking the game’s ass even though he’s wasted turns him on. I swear he’s so weird,” Toshiya said with his eyes fixed on the screen, attempting to pour three beers out properly, keep two bowls of ramen cooking, and cut an onion in the midst of it.
“Kaoru stop touching me there! You’re making me--ah fuck the bastards are leaving…Fine then! I didn’t want your old ass in my restaurant anyways jiji!!!” Toshiya cried as he threw down the controller down and switched the Playstation off angrily with his toe.
“Now see what you’ve done?!” he asked accusingly of Kaoru. “You’ve spoiled my dream yet again….”
“What dream? Bedding me should be the only one you’re concerned about…” he growled playfully as he advanced on Toshiya and pushed him onto his back. “Why do you want to mess with that machine when all it ever does is leave you frustrated?”
“Because,” he replied in a significantly lower voice, snaking one arm upwards and entangling his hand in Kaoru’s hair, while the other stroked his chest, “when I’m frustrated I want to fuck until I can’t think straight and the agitation goes away….”
Kaoru nearly purred at that tone he knew so well.
“Ahhhhh….I think I can help you with that ne….”
“You always do,” Toshiya replied with mirth and passion in his eyes.
“Where’s it gonna be tonight my kinky little pet? The couch? The floor? The bathroom counter?” Kaoru inquired while hovering over his slender form, their pelvic bones already digging into one another’s.
“Hmmmm,” the bassist looked up and to the side, a pretty finger pressing against his lips as he pretended to ponder the matter. “How about…..”
“….the wall?”
Kaoru smirked.
“You sure you can stand up that long?”
“Well I won’t have to exert much effort if you do things like you normally do, will I?”
His hand stroked the nape of his lover’s neck.
“Oooh touché, you would be right my dear…and what with you teasing me all night long you little hellion you….”
Toshiya giggled.
“Hellion am I? Well you just try and make me change my ways old man….”
He tilted his head upwards like he was about to kiss the guitarist, and Kaoru closed his eyes and leaned in to it, only to go flying backwards as Toshiya pushed him off his body and rolled off the couch. In a split second he was back on his feet and hauling ass to the bedroom, laughter trailing behind him the whole way.
Kaoru cursed at the bruise he was going to have on his ass because of this and vowed to take it all out on the mischievous bassist.
~*~
Kyo woke with a bad taste in his mouth and a pain in his neck for the second time that evening, although this time he wasn’t quite sure where he was considering he couldn’t see jack shit. The taste in his mouth wasn’t exactly bad either, just different from the one earlier. And it seemed kind of familiar. But his neck felt like someone had been trying to rip his head off. He wearily lifted his head a bit and tried to rub the painfully sore muscle.
Only to find he couldn’t move.
Now, Kyo wasn’t one to panic, but he also wasn’t one to enjoy bodily restriction and a lack of sight. Despite the joke he pulled earlier.
Fucking karma, he mentally spat.
Then he proceeded to tug at whatever was holding him down viciously.
“So I see you’re finally awake. Although no need to get so excited so early,” a deep voice murmured somewhere near him.
A few thoughts flittered through Kyo’s mind the minute he heard that voice, although as panic tends to do to the mind, they were rather disjointed. One, that he could possibly be dreaming and in some kind of SM porn flick with really bad dialogue. Two, what the fuck was he talking about excited? Three, who the fuck was near him? And four, if that voice was who’s he thought it was, he knew this couldn’t be happening, or else he had just drunk himself to death and was currently residing in Hell, with Satan acting upon his worse nightmares. Because if it was reality, he was most certainly about to lose it and scream any second now.
He heard a low, familiar laugh right near his ear.
Kyo screamed.
The voice laughed again, Kyo’s efforts having fallen short of their expected goal due to him not having noticed the gag in his mouth. The cry came out as a rather pathetic gurgle instead, sliding back down his throat instantaneously. The blonde jerked his head around trying to find the source of melodic mockery in anger, but stopped when he felt something start trickling down his upper lip from the effort and slowly into his mouth.
Satan had a horrible sense of humor.
The taste in his mouth happened to blood, and whatever piece of cloth had been shoved in his mouth was absolutely soaked in it, along with his saliva. He twitched the muscle above his lip and found the area to be encrusted in the liquid, with more flowing from his nose again because of his thrashing about.
“You know you really should watch where you fall unconscious Kyo-sama, you would have broken your nose if it hadn’t have been for me…”
OH GOD I WILL KILL YOU AND YOUR FAMILY YOU SICK CONNIVING BASTARD AND THEN I WILL PUNCH THE FACE OF YOUR DEAD BODY SO MANY TIMES THE POLICE WILL NEVER IDENTIFY IT, Kyo shrieked so loud in his head he thought he eardrums would burst. He sniffed unconsciously at the mention of his nose only to have an extremely sharp pain lance through it. AND MY FUCKING NOSE MIGHT AS WELL BE BROKEN ASSHOLE!!! MOTHERFUCKER YOU STUPID FUCKING SPINELESS JERK-OFF ASSHOLE I WILL SO---
Kyo’s head jerked forward as Kirito grabbed a hold of his blindfold right between his eyes and pulled abruptly. The knot at the back gave way easily, but only because the other vocalist tugged fiercely enough for the blonde to feel it try and push through his skull before giving.
“Yes, me, Kyo….take a good look at the face that’s going to drag you through hell, starting now….”
His eyelids fluttered open rapidly at the removal of the cloth previously pressed against them. The room was pitch dark even after his eyes had adjusted, but he could feel the heat and smell the scent emanating from another body near his. Suddenly there was a flame dancing before his eyes and the stark white eyes of Kirito glaring back at him from the shadows, head tilted at an inquisitive angle. Blood red hair fell lightly over one cheek bone.
The blonde’s body shivered unexplainably at the sight.
“Funny reaction Kyo-sama….If I didn’t know any better, I would say you look….scared.”
Half of those lusciously full lips drew into a malicious smirk. The flame still flickered before his face, too close, heat beginning to burn against the pale flesh of Kyo’s cheek.
“What is it? I know you haven’t forgotten who I am…..Don’t know where you are?”
He held up the black strip that he had ripped from Kyo’s eyes.
“This help any?”
The brown orbs fixed on the seemingly flimsy object Kirito was clutching in his fist. White letters printed in Old English calligraphy jumped out at him from the dark fabric.
B
A
T
S
U…..
Kirito had used his own fucking neckties, the collection he himself had designed, to tie him up.
Everything flooded back into his brain -- Toshiya’s horrid screeching he claimed was singing, the clamor and smoke of the bar, the bitch on the train, fumbling with his keys, and then….
His eyes narrowed as he watched Kirito hold his smirk and look to the priceless tie in disgust. Kyo gargled every swear word he’s ever learned, in Japanese as well as English, into the gag and thrashed about madly, almost shaking the bed with his effort.
The redhead discarded the blindfold into the darkness with a flick of his wrist, and in one unrealistically swift motion brought the hand to Kyo’s throat, forcing his head backward and his neck to bend agonizingly. Kyo’s body shook from the coughing that resulted from him choking on his words and blood sliding from his nose back down his throat. His eyes widened from the discomfort as he stared at the ceiling and fingertips dug into his throat muscles. The flame went out.
“Now Kyo-sama, don’t start trying to undo all my hard work,” the deep voice purred, and the miniature blaze loomed abruptly before him once more, coupled with Kirito staring down at him with a bemused look on his face. “…or I might just have to see what would happen if I were to put this flame here to all that metal jutting from your face…..”
Kyo squeezed his eyes shut in rage and animosity, mortification and fear, his stomach starting to churn painfully. All he could see was those horrible eyes staring at him with a possessed look he couldn’t manage to pull off even on his worst days, the image burned into his eyelids by the firelight. Kirito was fucking insane, he thought desperately, as this was indeed reality, the flame was leering dangerously close to his lip, he could smell the other man’s cologne despite the blood clogging his nose, and the fear in his gut was very real. Kirito’s actions weren’t that of the law, a sane man, or anything Kyo had ever pondered doing to someone, and that said it all. He regretted hitting the man, he regretted not listening to Kaoru, he regretted not thinking of what Kirito had first, and he regretted buying a western-style bed with the fantasy of having someone else tied to it but never him.
“Well Kyo-sama? Would you like that?” he whispered sensually into the helpless man’s ear.
The vocalist kept his eyes shut and slowly shook his head no, willing himself not to lose himself in the instinctual terror of being powerless, trying to think of any possible way to get himself out of this situation before Kirito could pull whatever he had planned.
“What a shame, and here I was thinking you had this masochistic streak running wild within you….……….I guess you’re just full of shit.”
He laughed, a low laugh that conveyed nothing more to Kyo than superiority and it ate under his skin like maggots, combating the fear with the ever-present rage within him. The light disappeared again. Kirito’s body shifted away from his.
“I also guess you must be wondering how I got here.”
Kyo’s ears focused on the click of some unknown object within the room. His heartbeat pounded faster against his chest.
“All I have to say about that is it’s simply amazing what your manager will do to save your sorry ass. You should be grateful.”
He could envision that same smirk forming on Kirito’s lip at the irony of that comment.
“He thinks I came over here to apologize to you. Can you imagine that? Me, apologize to the likes of you?” Pierrot’s vocalist continued conversationally, amusement lacing each word.
There was another click and the light at Kyo’s bedside table turned on.
The blonde’s eyes tried to refocus yet again to accommodate the light, no matter how dim it may be after filtering through the thick lampshade he’d thrown on it. He could barely tolerate normal light at the best of times -- it came with the territory of being a slave to the forces of sleep. But now he wanted to cringe away from the soft glow, knowing that darkness was a better companion when it came to enduring this apparently unpredictable man’s appetite. The first thing he saw however, was his own naked chest staring back at him. The second was his groin, the only part of his body still clothed, his usual silk boxers in place. He thanked the gods he had decided to wear something beneath his pants today. And then the third happened to be Kirito’s eyes again, having taken their pale blue tint once more, yet no less unnerving.
“Absurd, isn’t it Kyo-sama? When you’re already so high above me…..why would it matter?”
Silence ensued as there was no way for an answer to be spoken. The soft, anxious, makeup-free eyes, totally unbefitting of the Kyo who spat fake blood onto his fans, who snarled like a wild animal trapped in a cage and tortured mercilessly, followed the actions of his disturbingly calm rival as if his life depended on it.
And for all he knew, it just might.
Kirito sat next to him on the bed, his bed, in his bedroom, he noted, seething, one arm propping him up and bridged over the blonde’s abdomen, the other settled to the side of his own thigh and out of Kyo’s sight. His eyes trailed over the other vocalist’s bound body slowly, as if contemplating what to do with the fresh canvas set before him, and Kyo could see now exactly what wounds he had carved into his face. He wasn’t wearing bandages like Kyo was, even though his injuries were worse. The taller man wore a long-sleeved black shirt that was made from fabric designed to be skin-tight, yet hung off his frame as if the shirt were a size to big. A silver necklace hung loosely from his neck and something else that was tucked under the collar of his shirt and hidden. His legs were covered in shiny patent leather pants, too long for him, the extra material starting to bunch around his calves. It was a lot more casual than what he’d been wearing earlier, and Kyo wondered if he’d changed just for the occasion of tormenting him.
Kirito shifted a bit and Kyo felt the side of his leg rub against his hip.
“So my dear Kyo, if I haven’t come to beg your forgiveness,” he said softly in that same loving tone, the hand beside his thigh appearing and slowly rubbing his captive’s stomach as if to sooth the nausea stirred up within, “why do you suppose I came?”
Kyo closed his eyes at the sensation of Kirito touching him in such a maternal manner, his whole body itching to break free and tear the other man’s heart out. There was something about his touch that was tightening the knots of apprehension within him impossibly further, making him pray that the other human would just disappear into thin air and let him wake from this unsettling dream. His organs felt like they were becoming some kind of grotesque puree, his heart about to splatter against his ribcage like ketchup flung against a wall, his brain about to have its cord pulled, all because that hand kept caressing his abdomen in such a lazy, comforting manner, refusing to let him ignore the other’s presence and denying him solace within the blackness of his eyelids.
“Why don’t you tell me Kyo, why don’t you tell me why I’m here….”
He opened his eyes to see Kirito’s face looming near his again, and this time instead of a flame, he could feel a blade pressed against the side his face.
“I’ll cut the gag loose provided you don’t scream. And if you do scream, I will rip your face off with my bare hands and make you sorry you were ever given vocal chords to begin with. Understand?”
Kyo nodded weakly, eyes locked with the other vocalist’s.
He felt the blade dig into his cheek as the metal tore downwards, slicing into the fabric and making it give way. The redhead’s hand grabbed the gag from the opposite side of Kyo’s face and pulled it out of his mouth, looking at it for a brief moment and then flinging it across the room. Kyo noted it was another one of his neckties.
They stared at one another while Kyo licked the inside of his mouth, trying to work a normal feeling into it. Kirito leaned in closer, pressing their chests against one another’s so that he could speak directly into the blonde’s ear.
“Well Kyo-sama? Tell me,” he hissed, his breath tickling the sensitive curve of his captive’s ear.
Kyo took a deep breath, attempting to satiate his lungs’ need for air since his nose was blocked and he’d had a hard time breathing. He closed his eyes again, taking the situation into his brain one more time, acutely aware of Kirito’s warm body blanketing his. Their chests were moving in sync -- Kyo would breathe in and Kirito out, an alien sensation to Kyo, who hadn’t had a body close to his for a long time. His nipples had already hardened at the contact, and he could feel strands of the other vocalist’s hair teasing his cheek.
“Tell me,” he hissed again, this time with more venom.
And Kyo laughed.
He laughed, and it was deep, almost mimicking Kirito’s but with a distinctly different flavor about it. Kirito pulled back to look at his face, and Kyo laughed more, but even though he was trying to crush it urgently, his dread started mingling with the laugh, forcing it to spiral upwards like he’d done so many times for concerts.
Kirito looked interested.
“I don’t know why the fuck you’re here,” he hissed back, pushing the hatred forward to save face, “but I’ll tell you what I do know -- I know you’re fucking crazy, and that this isn’t just some little sadistic game you can play at random because your ass can get thrown in jail for pulling this kind of shit. I know you’re in my home without my permission, holding me hostage like some goddamn cult lunatic, having to knock me unconscious and tie me up to deal with me ‘cause you know your sorry ass can’t handle me any other way. What are you really gonna do huh? Kill me? Torture me? Rape me, is that it? Because whatever it is your ass better get on with it -- you’re wasting my time,” he spat defiantly into the larger man’s face.
The redhead tapped the blade against his chin thoughtfully.
“Wrong answer, Kyo-sama,” he said sweetly, then backhanded the singer with enough strength to tear his head off provided there weren’t vertebrae fighting to keep it in place.
Kyo’s head swam again, the feeling of him being dizzy and intoxicated returning with a vengeance tenfold. But this time it wasn’t the liquor and a searing pain accompanied the biting sensation. Blood flowed down over his lips and dripped off his chin, partially mended vessels torn open again.
“Oh I’ll tell you why I’m here,” he began viciously, one hand wrapping around Kyo’s throat and constricting again, the other running the blade up and down his bare chest like a lover’s caress, “I’m here because you made the worst mistake of your miserable little life today. Because your fucking slut of a bassist laid a hand on my Aiji. My Aiji,” he growled in a feral manner, hand tightening around the other vocalist’s pale throat, “And you’re responsible, you little punk ass bitch. No one touches my Aiji, do you understand? NO ONE! Not you, not me, and definitely not some goddamn whore!!!”
Kyo struggled to utilize his useless arms and free his windpipe from being crushed beneath Kirito’s hand. He coughed and gasped for air as the pressure started to become to much, slowly choking him.
“Ki..stop..ple…I..” he gasped desperately, struggling frantically against his bonds.
And then all of a sudden sweet air rushed into his lungs.
His chest heaved as he sucked it in greedily, never having been submitted to the horrors of strangulation before. His eyes closed and a small part of him wanted to cry, not understanding if he’d really warranted this kind of revenge, and not believing he could endure it. He wasn’t used to being on the receiving end of violence, at least not inflicted by other people. He didn’t want to become used to it either. Slowly he opened his eyelids a bit, not knowing what to expect next. Kirito sat staring at his chest, or rather through it was more like it, blade dug into Kyo’s mattress as he seemed to be regaining his composure. In a second, it was back.
And so was the smirk.
“As for you running to the police my dear Kyo, I think when I get done with you you’ll be too humiliated to run to anyone, let alone the police….And as for rape…”
He looked Kyo’s body up and down again. Kyo thought he saw that same previous animosity flare up in his eyes for a second, but if it was there it was soon replaced by a smug look that drove so many of Kirito’s fans wild.
“….it’s not rape if you want it, is it?”
He laughed softly, eyes boring into Kyo’s.
“I find it so ironic that you had the balls to call me the faggot today Kyo….”
His legs uncrossed and he shifted to the side more, hips resting beside Kyo’s stomach so he could hover over the blonde, bringing their faces perilously close.
“I mean, your band is, after all, full of pretty boys, isn’t it? It must be so hard to resist those lovely legs clad in nothing but short shorts and miniskirts, what with their faces all powdered and their lips glossed over…Just like girls, huh Kyo? And I’ve heard how you like to play rough na, but we all know how real girls break so easily…”
His fingers traced over the angry red marks they had just left on Kyo’s neck and he shivered again in response.
“But I also hear they’re all paired up, aren’t they? Hoarding their beauty and their luscious little bodies away from you, teasing you mercilessly and making you hate all of them…Poor Kyo, no one in his band loves him….”
He wanted to spit in Kirito’s face but refrained from doing so only out of fear. His throat swallowed hard instead.
“But you love one of them, don’t you Kyo? After all, how could you not? He’s so beautiful, so sexy, such a seductive little tease….You’d do anything to get his attention, wouldn’t you? What,” he moved the restless fingertips to Kyo’s arm, “with this tattoo and all here, doesn’t seem much like your style Kyo-sama, really….But he’d like it, wouldn’t he? He’s into black and blue, although I’m sure it isn’t in the way you fantasize about….”
“…..shut up.”
“It has to be so hard to endure his little kisses and touches on stage when he really doesn’t give a fuck about you….When those long, tantalizing legs you want to be wrapped around your waist so badly are wrapped around someone else’s…”
“Shut up.”
“Has to be hard to think about how every night he goes off with that asshole who’s always bossing you around, how he screams his name instead of yours when he comes---”
“Shut up!!!”
“How he’d readily get on all fours for him when he won’t even give you the time of day---”
“Goddammit Kirito SHUT THE FUCK UP!!!” Kyo panted harshly, his cheeks ablaze with humiliation, fury, and desire.
The taller man smiled and let out a fake sigh of sympathy.
“Poor Kyo…Toshiya doesn’t love him….”
He had no idea in hell how Kirito had hit the nail on the head but he felt sanity slipping from his grasp. This was getting too bloodcurdling and he wanted it to stop. Kirito wasn’t god. He shouldn’t be able to say what he just had. He couldn’t know what was in the depths of his mind. No one knew. He didn’t even admit it to himself. Why did he know? How could he have guessed at one of his innermost fears and secrets? He was straight, it wasn’t like that…Toshiya just looked too much like a woman….He didn’t really--oh god….
Kyo shut his eyes tight and tried not to notice the how moist they had become.
It was because of that dream, that terrible dream where the lithe bassist always melted onto him, always teased him, stroked and played with his body like no one else ever had…Offering himself to him over and over again, eyes pleading and obedient, curling up in his lap like a little sex kitten…Telling Kyo how much he wanted to be the one who endured all of the vocalist’s fantasies, eyelashes long and dipped in mascara, lips painted the deepest shade of crimson….stretched out on his bed, voice moaning deeply in passion, nails digging into the sheets as Kyo made him sorry for being as pretty as he was, for being such a fucking tease and never looking at him the way he should….That horrible dream that felt so real, tortured him with vivid yet non-existing memories of lustful nights whenever he had to look at his band mate….
His body shuddered as he tried to repress his shame and arousal.
“But that’s okay Kyo-sama…Tonight I’m going to make you forget all about that unruly boy….”
Kirito ran a finger lightly up his sternum.
“You see, I just so happen to be empathetic to your plight. I….understand you. There’s a reason as to why you’re living alone, isn’t there Kyo-sama? Why you can’t manage to keep a partner, why you fear even trying to find one….”
The tip of the small blade replaced his finger and Kyo refused to open his eyes.
“I’m sure your friends think it’s all an act, think it’s some artistic little bluff you pull to disgust and delight….But you see, I know better. I know it’s not an act. I can sense it in your breath, saw that gleam in your eye today…..It’s a fetish, isn’t it Kyo-sama? An uncontrollable urge you have that always dances along those periwinkle veins of yours, no matter how much you wish it would go away so that you could be normal, so that you could keep from scaring off the ones you love by telling them what you really want them to do for you when they ask….”
The voice continued to echo in his drained, aching mind.
“What would you do Kyo? What would you do if you could have any one of them tied to your bed like I have you now? What would you do to Toshiya to make him pay for treating you the way he does?” it whispered hotly in his ear.
Silence.
“I know what you’d do Kyo, I know everything you’d do to him….”
Kirito’s breath was surprisingly cool against his lips.
“And I intend to do that to you….”
~*~
Jun hugged himself as he stood outside the apartment door, trying to keep warm while he waited for an answer.
“Who is it?” a distorted version of Hiro’s voice asked through the intercom.
In all of their still budding relationship, Jun had yet to visit Hiro’s apartment. They didn’t really have much time to spend together, and when they did they normally met somewhere outside, which suited Jun just fine. He’d never dated a man and it seemed as if Hiro had picked up on that fact, arranging to have things as normal and unthreatening as possible for his sake. While he was constantly saying nice things, taking him nice places, and listening to him whenever he wanted to talk, Hiro hadn’t bought him flowers or chocolate or anything else that he was used to buying for his ex when they were still together. Sure there was that bracelet, but it was masculine enough and even Takeo liked it, so….
“Ahhh…Jun desu.”
He inwardly cursed at the hesitation he managed to present in almost everything he said. Maybe he was nervous after all. But he shouldn’t be, he told himself. So far it was just like he and Hiro were good friends. And they kissed every so often. He could handle that. Honestly he was a little afraid of going further, and he didn’t mind admitting it to himself. That was the part that wanted Hiro as company only speaking. He realized when she’d dumped him that he was going to take it hard, but he’d never realized he would miss having another person around so much. His friends were fine until he had to go home. Alone. Then it hurt. But he’d been so restless when trying to date other women nothing ever came of it. Nothing they did was right. Their smiles got on his nerves, their laughs were too loud, their perfume too strong and fake.
He heard shuffling behind the door and the click of locks being undone.
Then there was Hiro. And his smile, and his laugh, and his scent. It was all different, a breath of fresh air. Very different and….exciting. That was the part of him that still needed sexual satisfaction speaking. He’d never had anything particularly against being with a man; in fact he’d started getting curious while he was still dating his ex strangely enough. Maybe it was the whole Luna Sea finale party that set it off as a plausible notion, that he could really be with Hiro and have it work, rather than have him just fill a void. It had been a great time, although somewhat sad, but once everyone got tipsy things had just gotten weird…He was in a corner with Takeo as usual, the both of them getting merrily wasted and reminiscing about how wild Ryuichi’s hair used to be when Sugizo had stumbled into the wall near them with a rather flustered looking Ryutaro in tow. Takeo had kept talking but he had watched from the corner of his eye…Sugizo’s tongue was everywhere…and it had made him feel strange, but a good kind of strange. Like he…wanted to see more or something, he didn’t know. The show had ended pretty soon as the younger boy had finally slid down the wall enough so he could escape, crawling away and then running as he got on his feet. But he couldn’t seem to get those few moments out of his head. And then there was that whole scene earlier with Dir en grey…He’d had that same stir of arousal that was making him think doing more than just kissing with Hiro was a good idea, fear or no fear.
The door swung open.
Jun’s mouth fell open and he forgot to shut it.
Hiro was really good-looking.
Really, really good-looking.
Really.
The other guitarist stood in the doorway casually, running a hand through his raven hair. The fluorescent light from the apartment walkway was shining down on him, but the inside of his place was rather dark. He looked a little tired, or it could have been because Jun wasn’t used to seeing him without eyeliner, he didn’t know. Hiro was holding a mug of coffee in the hand not sifting through the onyx strands that ironically enough had the name of his band printed on it. Black silk pajamas hung off of his pale shapely frame, throwing shadows across his stomach and the statuesque muscles that resided there. Jun tried not to stare, especially not at the Calvin Klein logo rimming the elastic of Hiro’s somewhat visible underwear.
Why doesn’t my stomach look that good? he wondered while eyeing the rest of his body, then realized he was ogling at the piece of art before him.
“Sorry for my appearance, your call was kind of unexpected ne.”
Jun finally exhaled upon hearing that lovely voice and Hiro smiled, but he couldn’t tell if the smile was in apology of his appearance, because he was glad to see him, or because he knew exactly what Jun was thinking.
“I..it’s…it’s fine. Really. Fine.”
Hiro’s smiled widened as Jun’s tongue tied itself in a neat little knot.
“Well why don’t you come in, you look so cold…I don’t want you to get sick on my account.”
Jun smiled a small unsure smile back, Hiro’s eyes having become the most interesting things on Earth at that moment.
“Thanks.”
He moved to walk through the doorway, which, being for a fairly small apartment and in a rather large complex, happened to be narrow. Hiro only stepped aside slightly, and Jun felt himself rubbing against the other man’s chest as he slid past and into his home.
He’s so warm….
Hiro shut the door as Jun took off his coat and shoes.
“You know…,” Jun’s heart stopped as he felt Hiro’s head rest on his shoulder, reaching around him to put his mug down. Long arms wrapped themselves securely around his waist.
“I missed you.”
Jun’s knees went weak as Hiro hugged him tightly and engulfed his cold skin in heat.
“…nnnnn…”
Hiro’s chuckle vibrated against his back, lips placing a light kiss at the nape of his neck.
“I’ll take it that you missed me too.”
The smaller guitarist twisted himself around in the embrace, arms reaching up to latch onto Hiro’s neck.
“I did miss you…” he said with a little defense mingled in.
“Then why don’t you show it a little….,” Hiro purred back, hands delving under Jun’s t-shirt and stroking the hidden flesh there.
Jun’s throat went dry. Hiro had never talked to him like that.
But then again, he’d never shown up half-drunk in the middle of the night at his apartment either.
A small gasp of pleasure escaped his lips as the rose flesh of Hiro’s descended on his mouth, tongue slipping in and spreading the taste of black coffee and tobacco within him. His eyes shut and he blended into the kiss, the contact somehow reassuring and satisfying after his fight with Takeo. He was almost about to vocally protest when Hiro broke it off, stealing away his comfort and quelling the rapidly growing arousal with Jun.
“That’s better….”
He brought a hand to brush a few strands of dark hair from Jun’s eyes.
“I like your hair like this…it makes you look innocent,” Hiro said contentedly, a piece of feather-like hair caught between his fingers, another perfectly white smile on his face.
The short black strands had ruffled about his face from the many times he’d ran his hands through them out of anxiety on the way here. Jun had almost forgotten about what a mess he’d made of his hair, sudden remembrance and embarrassment making him avert his eyes.
“….Ahhh…thanks….”
Is coffee the only thing in that mug?
“So did you want to talk to me about something?” he asked genially, hormones swept aside for the moment.
Jun had almost forgotten about that. Hiro was a potent distraction.
“….Yeah I did, if it’s okay…”
La’Cryma’s guitarist reached for his drink again and gently lead his boyfriend to a table in the kitchen, various books, papers, an ashtray, and what looked to Jun like artwork scattered about the place where Hiro had been sitting. Candles loomed around the mess dangerously but his host didn’t seem to mind.
“I know it’s a mess, but I’m an insomniac when it comes to Saturday nights….I’m either at home filling my veins with caffeine and nicotine or out filling them with liquor and the aforementioned. I’d say we could sit on the couch but with the mood I’m in I can’t envision getting any talking done…”
Jun blushed at his frankness as Hiro pulled a seat out for him and he hurriedly accepted it.
“Do you want something to drink? There’s more coffee left and I’ve got a bottle of sake stashed in the fridge as well.”
Jun’s stomach churned at the thought of adding more liquor to the amount already sloshing around inside. Coffee sounded okay but…
“Do you have anything else?”
Hiro looked around in a kind of vague confusion.
“…Etooo….no, not really….Does water count?”
“Uh, I’ll take coffee then.”
Jun smiled to keep Hiro from looking like a boozer. His host set his mug down on the table, making sure to reach around Jun to do so, and wandered off to the kitchen to go pour another cup.
“You can smoke if you want to,” he called while rummaging around in his cabinets for a clean mug. “There’s nothing living in this apartment besides me and I’ve already got emphysema.”
Jun wondered briefly if he should laugh at that comment and decided he’d light up instead, dragging the ashtray closer to him. An array of artistically arranged butts resided in the porcelain dish as if to emphasize those words.
“Just kidding,” Hiro smirked while he set a steaming mug down next to an unconsciously smiling Jun. “I hope you like black -- it’s the house special.”
“Surprise surprise.”
Jun tried to keep from laughing at the mock look of offense Hiro shot him. The long-haired beauty pulled his chair closer to the other man’s, sitting down and immediately searching through the mass of things on the table for his own pack. Jun watched as slender fingers plucked a cigarette from the bundle and laid it against a soft bottom lip, the click of a lighter the only thing audible in the room.
“You first,” he murmured, holding the flame near the enraptured boy.
Yet again he’d forgotten what he’d been thinking about while watching Hiro, fingers indolently clasping an unlit cigarette between them. He blinked the daze out of his eyes and leaned forward a bit, inhaling as the tip caught fire.
“So to what wonderful event do I owe your presence?” his host inquired while turning the flame on his own cigarette.
Jun’s face darkened a bit.
Takeo…
Hiro noted the change and his eyes softened.
“I’m sorry, I didn’t know something that bad had really--”
“No,” Jun gave a little laugh, “it’s not like that….Don’t apologize. Takeo and I had a fight, that’s all.”
“Again?”
“Well this time it was like a real fight. Not something inane like usual. He walked out on me this time…”
Hiro’s eyebrows furrowed a bit in concern.
“Why would he do that?”
“Well….”
Jun poured out the whole story, both he and Hiro sipping coffee at intervals and taking drags off their cigarettes. He told Hiro about the fight they’d gotten into with Dir en grey, taking Kirito to the hospital, how he and Takeo had ended up drinking at their usual place in return, and how their usual place had turned out to be a gay bar which Dir en grey had taken a liking to. He stared at the table for that part of the story, not seeing how Hiro was politely trying to kill his laughter about the “coincidence”.
“….and then while Toshiya,” Jun noted the change in Hiro’s dark eyes but continued like normal, “was whispering in my ear why Gackt didn’t sleep around Takeo got upset and declared he was leaving…I was kind of shocked and before I could answer he was already out the door…Then I thanked the guys for the evening and excused myself so I could run after Takeo….He was already a good deal away from the bar and I had to yell at him to get him to stop. But he wouldn’t talk to me and ended up walking off after all….I felt like shit, I don’t know what happened…Was it because of me? The bar? Dir en grey? What?”
Toshiya….
Hiro’s mind always dredged up beautiful and sorrowful memories at the sound of that name.
“Hiro?”
He snapped out of his musings.
“Takeo? You and him are fairly close right?”
Jun nodded.
Hiro decided to proceed cautiously. He wasn’t about to lose Jun to someone else, not like he had…not like the past at least.
“Jun, have you and Takeo ever talked about how you feel about one another?”
Jun thought about it for a moment.
“No, why? I mean we’re friends, we both know that…”
Hiro sighed inwardly with relief. It wasn’t on Jun’s part then.
“It seems to me, you know, maybe Takeo…”
He paused for a moment. He wasn’t going to say it. He’d rather lie to Jun if it would be better in the long run for them. He was new and could be disposed of, but Takeo would always be there…
“…maybe he’s a little uneasy about you being with a man. I think, if you still hadn’t told him since last time we talked, that maybe tonight was just to much of a shock for him…I know when you see men like Dir en grey the way we are doesn’t seem that unusual, but chances are Takeo doesn’t have any gay friends, and since Pierrot, exempting you,” a fond smile crept onto his face, “is pretty straight, he hasn’t been exposed to such behavior before…He feels threatened that you’re a part of something he isn’t and that he doesn’t know a lot about, or that scares him in some way or another. Just give him some space, a little time to think about it, maybe let him meet me, and I’m sure things will iron themselves out with time. Does that make sense?”
Jun pondered it for a little bit and Hiro inwardly began to get nervous.
What if he doesn’t buy that? What if he understands….
“You know Hiro,” Jun stubbed out his cigarette, “I don’t know what I’d do without you. You always make so much sense.”
Jun smiled affectionately and Hiro grinned modestly back, relieved.
“I’m glad I could help out.”
“I mean it though, you’re so…so, I don’t know, good at what you do…”
Oh Jun you have no idea how good I am at what I do…
“Thanks, although isn’t it a little early to say that? You haven’t been in my bed yet….”
Jun blushed hard and stared at his empty mug of coffee.
“Just playing with you…”
Hiro leaned forward and kissed him on a flushed cheek. They sat together quietly for a little bit, Hiro methodically stroking the side of Jun’s warm face in attachment.
“Hiro?”
“Hmm?” he replied dotingly.
The shorter of the two looked up.
“Can I ask you a question?”
“Sure, anything.”
He pulled his hand away to listen.
“Why did your eyes change when I mentioned Toshiya?”
A cold stream of air was sucked in between his teeth.
Anything but that…..
Should I lie to him? he wondered.
No, I don’t want to lie again, I just won’t tell him everything….He doesn’t need to know anyways.
“Well, you see, Toshiya and I know each other…”
“Oh? You never mentioned he was your friend….”
Jun you are innocent….when you know someone in this industry it normally means quite intimately…
“He’s not exactly my friend….We used to date.”
Jun seemed surprised.
“But he didn’t mention you when he listed the men he’d been with…” he said before thinking, then it dawned on him what had fell from his mouth. Fucking alcohol still hadn’t drained from his system. “Wait, I didn’t mea---”
“Don’t expect him to, we left on odd terms. Don’t worry about it, it’s in the past. No big deal.”
Hiro tried not to grimace and smiled weakly. It wasn’t Jun’s fault Toshiya had left him after all.
“Does that answer your question?”
“Yes but listen, I didn’t mean to pry, or make it seem like---”
“Jun it’s okay. Don’t feel bad. You didn’t say anything wrong.”
Jun fell silent, embarrassed at being so rude. Hiro extended a hand to rub his boyfriend’s thigh in reassurance.
Poor Jun, he always hates himself when he makes mistakes…His parents raised him well...I know you’ve been drinking, it’s okay that you said that. I’m not your parents and I’m not society and what we have is anything but traditional, so don’t give it a second thought…
He watched with shining affection in his eyes, trying to drown out the unpleasantness of his memories.
....But still it hurts, doesn’t it Hiro? To think that he won’t even mention you as someone he rut with when he used to say you meant so much more to him….That’s why I’ve got to be so careful with Jun. Totchi used to be just like him, young and scared of the world, wanting someone to show him how to walk on two feet without falling….But soon he learned how to run, and I’d outlived my purpose hadn’t I? Pathetic. I didn’t see it coming I was so blinded by love…I should have known better, shouldn’t have been so naïve about the human spirit…We always want bigger fish once we learn to reel in the minnow…Oh Jun, promise me you won’t be like that, that I can let my guard down for once…It’s been a long time but I really do care. I’m selfish as hell nowadays, it’s been so long since I’ve had someone who makes my heartbeat fast, who makes my whole body tingle, who I could just watch forever, and I don’t intend to lose you…
….especially not to someone like Takeo.
“Hey Jun?” Hiro began, trying to find a way to change the mood they’d created, “I’m kind of tired…are you spending the night?”
“Is it okay?” he mumbled after a few moments, face still hidden in his hair.
“Of course it is….Do you want to sleep in my bed? There’s the couch as well, don’t feel like you have to sleep in my bed…I’ve been told I kick in my sleep anyways,” he added with a smile, trying to get Jun to look at him. He’d have offered him the bed but he knew it was a lost battle - Jun was overly considerate at the best of times.
He laughed a little but still didn’t look up.
“I…I….your bed would be nice, I mean if there’s enough space, I don’t want to impose, I’ve just fallen off of every couch I’ve ever slept on…”
Hiro laughed.
“Well I’m sure that hurts a lot more than my kicking will. C’mon, let’s get you changed into something more comfortable…”
He moved his hand over Jun’s and stood up, slightly pulling for the other body to do the same. Jun stood and looked back at Hiro, a nervous smile playing on his lips, accenting their curves. Hiro smiled back.
I don’t intend to lose you, no matter what….
~*~
The two of them barely made it into Die’s apartment without crashing into the floor. Shoes were basically tugged off, laces remaining tied, zippers flying downwards in a blur as impatient hands groped in-between for support to go on and expensive footwear ended up crashing ungracefully against the genkan tiles. Coats followed in the same inelegant fashion. They stumbled into the living room with lips locked the whole way, Die trying to steer Shinya towards his bedroom but failing as the back of the boy’s legs bumped into the arm of the sofa and he fell backwards onto the furniture.
Sofa, bed, whatever -- you could still fuck on it as far as he was concerned.
Die tumbled onto him, their legs dangling off the arm of the couch and flailing about, Die’s hat slowly sliding off of the back of his head, long strands of crimson escaping and cascading over his shoulders. Their kisses were sloppy and frantic, saliva spilling from the corners of both mouths and forming strands as the guitarist broke the lip lock only to try and unbutton Shinya’s blouse. The drummer giggled and squirmed beneath him, panting half in arousal and then laughed as Die tried to undo the buttons over his stomach.
“What?” he asked with a grin on his face. “Does it….tickle?”
He ended that sentence by tickling Shinya’s belly relentlessly as the other boy hyperventilated to get air into his lungs.
“Die stop! Sta ahhh! Stop!”
Shinya tried rolling over to escape the naughty hands but his legs were caught beneath Die’s.
“Please! I’ll, anything just ahhhh! No not my neck! AHHH!!!”
“Anything huh?”
“Yes ahhhh anything!!! Quit it! NOOOO!!!”
Tears were streaming down his soft cheeks.
Die stopped his assault and Shinya moaned in soreness.
“Anything na…”
There was a significant change in his tone and the brunette could feel it enveloping him. Die propped himself up enough to pull off his t-shirt, although it didn’t seem to want to cooperate for the most part because of his odd position. He finally pulled the tight fabric off his body and threw it roughly into the middle of his living room, hat falling to the floor, dragging both of his legs onto the couch so he could straddle Shinya. He whipped off his sunglasses as well and threw them in a random direction despite the cost of the plastic. His torso froze in that upright position for a moment, his eyes watching as the sparkle of merriment faded from Shinya’s gray ones and lust replaced it as he looked over Die’s physique. Carefully the wiry frame lowered itself back onto the intoxicated drummer, Die’s breath catching as the feel of warm flesh pressed against his bare chest.
Shinya trembled a bit as a tongue ran from his collarbone to right below his ear.
“We finally gonna consummate this relationship Shinya?” he whispered into the silky hair.
Shinya felt a hand stroking relentlessly between his legs.
“Well?”
He shifted and bit into a moan but the hand wouldn’t stop. He nodded weakly.
Die kissed his cheek tenderly.
“Tonight?”
As if to answer, Shinya lifted his head a little off the sofa pillow until his full lips met Die’s ear. A tentative lick of his earlobe followed, then a tugging bite. Die’s chest rumbled in contentment.
“…..What about the goldfish?” a voice whispered innocently.
Those same moist lips moved lower to kiss at his throat and re-suck on an earlier bruise.
“…un…nnn…” Die murmured in oblivious agreement, hoping the kiss mark would finally top all the ones Kaoru always “attempted” to hide during practice. The deepest purple blood could create…he inwardly sighed happily.
Shinya pulled his comforting lips away.
“You know, Oggly and Chilly? Didn’t you say you’d forgotten to feed them for two days straight on Friday?”
Die’s neck yelped at the lack of warmth.
“…….huh?”
“You know they could be dead by now or eating each other or something…”
A confused look scuttled across Die’s face as he slowly realized he was no longer getting play and Shinya’s voice had changed significantly.
His eyes moved to meet the brunette’s which seemed at once concerned and bemused.
“…..don’t you care?”
Die considered his options carefully. One, he could ignore the comment and write it off as Shinya being drunk and difficult, and continue to fondle the boy until he gave into playing in greener pastures. But he knew Shinya was the type who, when he wanted to, could make a big deal out of little things and would probably push Die off and call him a Fish Killer, using the excuse to weasel his way out of sex. Or there was Two, where he could put his hormones on hold for a moment to go throw the bottle of fish food into the tank and then run back to Shinya before he fell asleep and weaseled his way out of sex in a more traditional manner. But that entailed leaving the warmth pressed so lovingly against his crotch right now. Neither option seemed very appealing. Damn it, it was so like Shinya to pull this kind of shit on him when he was at his horniest. He really just wanted to rip the drummer’s pants off right now and wipe that little “oh I’m sorry, are you suffering?” look off his pretty face and replace it with one of raw ecstasy. But then again, the image of Shinya sitting on his bed with a phone in his hand talking to Toshiya saying “And the jerk let his goldfish die just like that, can you believe it? I mean if that’s how he treats his goldfish, I don’t want to stick around and see how he’s going to treat me” didn’t seem to appealing either.
Die groaned.
Fuck.
“Heh, almost forgot ne….,” he said with a smile of fake gratefulness, placing a quick kiss on Shinya’s lips and pushing himself off of the way-too-inviting body beneath his.
Shinya smirked in approval as his eyes followed the half-dressed body walking drudgingly to the large fish tank in the corner of the room.
Stupid goddamn goldfish, they’d happily starve for me if they knew what the fuck I was missing…, Die growled in his head as made his way to Oggly and Chilly, his two resident goldfish at the moment.
Oggly was a rather chunky specimen, belly swelled like he was always about to give birth, with absurdly large, goggley eyes on either side of his head that made you want to grab him and shake to see if they’d spin around like a toy’s. Die had bought him for the sole purpose of giving him and his male friends something to laugh at and make fun of when they got wasted at his house, which happened frequently time permitting. Chilly was another species, with a more normal and pleasing to the eye appearance, who didn’t look like he was going to pop if you stuck him with something. If he turned at just the right angle in the fluorescent light his scales flashed ice blue for some reason, earning him the name Chilly. He’d been bought first, a while back when Die had gotten it into his head that having a pet made him seem like The Caring Male and a fish was about the only thing he had time to handle.
Die tapped on the glass with a finger as he reached for the fish food container.
“Hey guys, get your little fish asses out here, my dessert’s getting cold due to you two…”
Oggly swam into view at the noise, little fish mouth puffing away as he got right up against the glass, almost pressing his deformed eyeballs against it.
“Yeah that’s just like you fat ass, only wanna see me when I got food…Chilly c’mon out sweetie,” he cooed, dismissing Oggly and tapping lightly on the glass again.
“Chilly, Daddy’s not gonna get laid tonight if you don’t come out, and I know you don’t want that….”
Shinya propped himself up on the couch so he could see what was taking Die so long.
“…Chilly? Hey Oggly where’s Chilly?”
He looked at the fat fish as if he’d answer back. Instead it stared blankly back at him, mouth opening and closing in a very fishlike manner, little fins swirling around to keep him afloat. Die was about to give up and dump some food in but something didn’t seem right. He glared at the unsuspecting goldfish.
“Why the hell do you look so happy anyways huh?”
“Die-kun~~~~ I’m getting lonely~~~~” Shinya whimpered from the couch.
“Yeah wait just a minute baby,” he called back sweetly over his shoulder, then immediately went back to interrogating the fish. “Huh? You’re normally eating the gravel and shit when I don’t feed you for a day…”
Big round eyes stared back.
“….you do something to Chilly?”
No answer.
“Huh?!”
And then Die saw it. The little fin hanging from the corner of Oggly’s bony mouth.
His eyes widened in horror.
“You little fucker!!! YOU ATE CHILLY!!!” he yelled at the glass, and before Shinya could stop him, was plunging his bare arm into the fish tank.
“I’ll kill you you fat bastard!!!! I’ll flush you to hell!!! To hell you hear me, TO HELL!!!!”
Shinya, startled at the sight of Die screaming bloody murder at his fish tank, ran over to subdue the man.
“Die what are you doing?! You paid 30,000yen for that tank!”
“Oggly here ATE CHILLY!!!” he snarled back, hand frantically plucking up fake plants and coral formations in search of the perpetrator, heedless of Shinya tugging on his free arm.
“Die he’s just a goldfish, leave him alone!”
“He’s a little fucking cannibal, that’s what he is!!!”
“You should have fed him sooner!”
“Oh I’ll feed him alright,” he spat while continuing to throw gravel around inside the tank, “to the neighbor’s cat!!!”
“Die you’re making a mess, stop it!!”
“Not until I--” he paused for a split second as his hand came flying out of the tank, water spraying in a heavenly ark after it, as he triumphantly held up Oggly by his tail, “HOW DO YOU LIKE THEM APPLES BITCH???”
“God Die he’s just a poor fish! Don’t kill him!” Shinya continued to plead.
Die was already heading for the restroom, Oggly screaming silent fish cries for help as he flopped helplessly about. Shinya took a deep breath.
“Die you kill Oggly and so help me I will never have sex with you for as long as you live!!!”
The guitarist froze.
“You heard me! Put him back in the tank right now or I’ll walk my happy ass over to Yasu’s!”
Ouch.
That one struck a nerve.
He could almost hear Shinya’s voice in his head : “And the jerk flushed his goldfish just like that, can you believe it? I mean if that’s how he treats his goldfish, I don’t want to stick around and see how he’s going to treat me.”
He turned around slowly, plastering the biggest, kindest, most animal-loving smile he could muster on his face.
“I….I don’t know what came over me Shinya. I guess I just really loved Chilly a whole lot.”
Oggly continued to scream as Die’s fingers were pinching his tail so hard he might break it.
“Let me put Oggly here back in the tank. Obviously killing him is not the proper response to my immediate grief and anxiety.”
He walked back to the tank, smiling sweetly the whole way. A loud splash followed as Oggly fell ungracefully back into the water with a belly-flop.
“Thank you for showing me the error of my ways Shinya. I don’t know what I’d ever do without you.”
Shinya gazed reproachfully at Die for a few moments, but since cocktail residue was still clinging to his every brain cell he soon broke out in a charming, bashful smile of appreciation.
Die morphed into a puppy and held out his soaked paws.
“Forgive me?”
Shinya practically jumped on Die’s naked torso.
“Oh Die you’re so cute!!! How could I ever be mad at you…”
Die grinned as he felt warm skin press against his own.
Yeah, I’m a hell of a lot more cute than that Yasu guy will ever be…..
He hugged the drummer tighter.
Not like he felt threatened by Janne da Arc’s vocalist, oh no. That sure as hell wasn’t it. Not like the fact that he hadn’t known the guy’d slept with Shinya before tonight was bothering both him. Not like Yasu scoring with his own drummer before he had, when he was pretty sure the rest of Dir en grey barely knew what Janne da Arc looked like, was getting to him in the least. Not like he worried the blonde’s smile actually had a chance of rivaling his own. Or that he had nicer legs than he did. And not like Shinya actually threatening him with another man, something he’d never imagine Shinya, even a drunk Shinya, to pull was eating at his heart. It wasn’t like that. He just happened to believe that while Janne da Arc was a bunch of funny, easy-going perverts, Yasu included, Shinya only needed one funny, easy-going pervert in his life.
And that was him.
They stood there for awhile, topless and embracing each other, Die slowly getting more and more frisky as he got more riled up about Shinya being with anyone other than him. Soon they were moaning like they had been when they’d stumbled through the door, hips grinding into each other instinctually, Die nuzzling his face into the light brown hair flowing over Shinya’s shoulders.
“Die…”
He nipped at the slender neck.
“…..tonight Shinya……”
His lips latched onto the base of the boy’s throat and Shinya naturally titled his head back.
“Oi Die….”
“….tonight…” he murmured.
“Die,” he stated again, this time gently pushing the guitarist away from him, “you’re still wet…It’s making me cold…Why don’t you go wash up and then we can snuggle under the covers?”
He was finally going to score with Shinya, finally have the lithe body beneath his own, finally going to show Shinya how much better he was than any other lover he could ever ask for….Die felt another surge of blood rush between his legs as Shinya just smiled demurely back at him.
He nodded obediently in response and made a beeline for the restroom.
~*~
Kohta hurriedly slipped the large robe around his frame and tried to tie the sash while he walked towards the door. He wasn’t used to having company over at this time of the night but he figured in all probability Takeo wouldn’t want to see him in his boxers and an undershirt. He heard the drummer’s hand rap against his door once more and he jogged over to the door before the other started to get impatient., glancing through the peephole once and undoing the locks.
The door swung open and there stood Takeo, not looking particularly happy or upset.
Just dead.
“Hey,” Kohta managed to say, not quite sure what was appropriate to say.
“Hi,” Takeo said in a monotone voice. “Genki?”
“Yeah. You?”
“Not really.”
They stood in silence for awhile.
“Why don’t you come in?” Kohta said uneasily, starting to worry about his band member.
“Okay.”
Kohta moved out the way and Takeo stepped inside, immediately bending over to remove his shoes.
“This winter is pretty bad huh?” the blonde began as he shut the door. “My heating bill’s way up and it’s taking out of my cigarette funds. You know I hear these kinds of things have to do with global warming or whatever….”
Takeo kept quiet and Kohta realized he was basically talking to himself. He walked into his living room and hoped the drummer would follow. He hadn’t had someone new over in a long time…
“You want some tea? Or a Coke or something? I’ve got lots to drink…”
“Tea’s fine.”
“You can sit on the couch and make yourself comfortable. The remote’s on the table. Oh but be careful, Sepia’s on the couch and she’ll probably wake up.”
He got a little nervous when he turned around and saw Takeo still standing near the door.
“Where are your slippers?”
“Oh! I’m sorry I forgot. Here, lemme get them for you…”
He ran back over to a small cabinet and pulled a pair of slippers out for his guest, trying not to feel like too much of an idiot.
“Um, I’ll go make the tea now…”
He walked over to his small kitchen and started searching for his teapot as Takeo made his way to the couch.
“Kohta, what’s Sepia?”
Dammit he’d gotten so used to drinking soda he’d forgotten where he last put the teapot….
“Oh she’s my dog,” he called back, head stuck in a cabinet, “Well my electronic dog anyways. If she starts to annoy you send her over here or search for the off switch. But she’s really cute and I taught her some tricks. Just make sure she doesn’t fall off the couch or else it’ll kind of give her brain damage.”
“Okay.”
Takeo settled himself on the couch and noticed the silver robot laying in the corner in mock sleep.
“I wanted a real dog but I don’t have the space to keep one…” his voice got louder as he emerged from the cabinet victorious, teapot in hand, “ At least not like the one Kirito and I used to have. She was this beautiful mixed breed who loved to snuggle under the kotatsu but could barely fit all her body under it. We used to let her in the house during winter and sit around the kotatsu pretending she wasn’t there so mom wouldn’t get upset….”
Takeo reached a hand out and waved it in front of Sepia, trying to elicit a response.
“You ever have a dog Takeo?”
“Yeah, when I was really young. I don’t remember him too well.”
He clapped his hands in front of the robot’s face.
“Hey Kohta, I think Sepia’s dead.”
Kohta returned from the kitchen balancing a tray with two teacups on it.
“What?”
“I said I think she’d dead. Look, she’s not doing anything.”
He poked her in the head for emphasis.
“Hey don’t poke her, she doesn’t like it,” he stated, setting the tray down on the table in front of the couch.
“She’s a robot Kohta, I could break off her leg and she wouldn’t feel it.”
“Don’t you dare! She’s my pet, robot or no robot.”
He squatted in front of the couch and clapped his hands.
“Sepia! Sepia come on girl wake up, it’s Papa…”
“So what are you Papa Kohta or something?” Takeo smirked and Kohta ignored him.
“You know, maybe she is dead…Dammit I hate it when this happens…I mean I know all I have to do is change the batteries but still…”
He stood up and gathered the little electronic puppy in his arms.
“And she’s such a good dog too…Next time I’ll show you the tricks she can do,” he said in a somewhat sad tone of voice, stroking the plastic head as he sat down on the couch.
Takeo tried not to roll his eyes at how unnecessarily sentimental Kohta was.
“Sure….”
“So, you wanted to talk about something?”
Takeo took a deep breathe and then a sip of his tea.
“Yeah, but it’s a long story.”
“Well I have the time, don’t worry.”
He set the small dog next to him and smiled to encourage the drummer, who was trying not to notice how friendly Kohta was being.
“And no matter what you say, we’re always gonna be friends.”
His small brown eyes wearily looked to the sun-touched skin and bleached blonde hair and wondered if such a thing were possible.
~*~
Kaoru cursed for the umpteenth time as Toshiya merely giggled in response.
“Damn it Totchi open the door! This is my apartment for Christ’s sake!!!”
“No! You open it!”
“Quit holding the damn thing shut and I would!”
“Wuss!”
“Totchi!” he growled.
“Yowai! If you can’t open the door then you sure as hell can’t give it to me like I want it!”
He laughed some more and rolled along the door so his back pressed against it.
“Toshiya if you don’t open this door right now I’ll make sure you never fucking walk straight again!!!”
“You talk big Kaorin!!!”
Kaoru put a hand to his head and banged on the door again.
“I swear I am never letting you drink that much again you little brat…”
“What, am I too much for you to handle? Intoxicated little me?” he giggled into the door, pressing his ear against it.
“Totchi…..ARRGGHHH OPEN THE FUCKING DOOR!!!!” he yelled, grabbing the handle and pushing with all his might.
But Toshiya had heard it coming and had already skipped away, Kaoru throwing open the door and basically falling into his bedroom floor face first.
The room was dark but he could smell the bassist’s perfume coiling about the air.
“Fuck you Toshiya that hurt,” he snarled into the silence.
“I want you to be the one to do it…,” a sly voice whispered back.
“You are gonna be so sorry Toshiya, you don’t even understand…”
Kaoru got up on his feet, slammed the door shut, and advanced determinedly in the direction of the voice.
“Mmmm Kaoru I love it when you talk like that…..”
He stood still and realized Toshiya had moved somewhere else, changing direction and walking towards where the sound last came from.
“You’ll love it even more when I get my hands around your neck….”
Another giggle shimmered in the air, this time closer to him.
“Ooooo come find me love….make me sorry ne….”
Kaoru’s hand shot out and grabbed a fistful of onyx hair.
“I can see better in the dark than you think sweetheart.”
Toshiya gasped in surprise as Kaoru dragged him in front of his body then shoved him against the wall roughly, using his own body to pin the taller man.
“Itai itai itai itai itai itai,” he whimpered as Kaoru still clutched his hair.
“Awwwww poor baby….Thinks he can fuck around with me and then get off scot-free huh?”
“But my hair Kaoru, you know my scalp is tender….,” he whimpered again and tried struggling to alleviate the pain.
“I know it is. You asked for it.”
“But I was only playi---”
Kaoru ignored him and continued.
“In fact, you asked for a lot more.”
Toshiya shivered at that tone. It was the same one their leader used when he and Kyo fought.
“Ne Kaoru I’m delicate don’t forget th---”
“Be quiet,” he hissed into the trapped boy’s ear, hand tight around his throat and cutting off the sentence.
Toshiya made little puppy noises to try and convince him otherwise.
“Some days I’m not in the mood to put up with your teasing Toshiya….today is one of them.”
His teeth tugged on a multiply pierced lobe.
“Now we aren’t going to play this little game of chase any longer. For once you are going to behave,” he almost snarled the word, “and you’re going to play nice and please your boyfriend by begging his forgiveness and trying to make him forget how much of a pain you’ve been for the past 30 minutes. Understand?”
Toshiya nodded as much as he could with the hand clasping his neck.
“Good. And if I don’t feel your lips on my body as soon I let go of your throat, you are in for it.”
Kaoru let go and immediately felt a tongue on his neck. He smiled in the darkness.
“Please don’t play rough with me Kaoru…” Toshiya murmured into the pale skin.
“I’ll behave, I promise, just don’t make it hurt….”
Kaoru moaned a bit as Toshiya rubbed himself against his body. Well it wasn’t so hard to tame him after all, was it? Just a little force and he submit fast enough….
Toshiya wrapped his arms around his neck, lips moving upwards for a kiss.
“You’re too kind to me Kaoru,” he murmured before their tongues slipped into each other’s mouths.
“Really,” he moaned into the kiss, hands moving back down to Kaoru’s chest, “too…kind…”
The guitarist’s throat rumbled in response and then a cry of pain gushed forth as Toshiya bit his lip hard.
The bassist laughed as his hands dug into the chest beneath them and pushed as hard as they could, sending Kaoru stumbling away from him while clutching his bleeding lip.
“Sucker!” Toshiya catcalled as he pranced off happily.
~*~
His hand brushed against the blonde’s forehead, slowly moving strands of dyed hair away from his closed eyes. A dampened tissue dabbed at his nose, upper lip, and chin, wiping away the red stains there.
“But I am merciful Kyo -- to an extent.”
He could hear Kirito’s body shift again, this time in a more elaborate movement as his weight was lifted from the bed. Then Kyo felt all of it settling on his groin.
“You have a fetish and I have a fetish, and I intend to feed them both,” he continued, despite the fact that the other vocalist’s erection was shoved against his ass and Kyo could very well be fucking him if Kirito didn’t have his pants on. The skin covering Kyo’s cheeks burned until he thought there was none left.
“Kyo look at me.”
He didn’t open his eyes. He couldn’t. If he didn’t open his eyes it would all go away.
“Kyo look at me or I strike you again, and this time much harder.”
His eyelids opened to a slit, his eyelashes obscuring his vision. A hazy version of Kirito straddling him in the amber light with a hand pressed into his bare chest greeted him. It was almost erotic save for the fact Kyo knew there was no trace of sexual pleasure drifting across the redhead’s ivory face. Yes, pleasure lingered in the smirk he could barely make out, but he knew it wasn’t sexual pleasure….
“Wider. Open them wider.”
He wouldn’t break. He wouldn’t. Fuck Kirito. Fuck Toshiya. Fuck anyone who had ever messed with him. He wouldn’t break.
Kyo’s eyes hardened as he tried his best not to look soft and defeated like he knew everyone wanted him to. Like he knew he did when the spotlight turned off and he was left standing alone in the dark.
He unconsciously refrained from blinking as he stared back at Kirito.
“Good boy, you learn fast.”
His captor shifted he weight a little as he pulled his hand away from the bare skin, the remnants of his touch searing into the flesh like a brand. Kyo bit his lip to keep from groaning instinctively at the weight grinding against his boxers.
“See this Kyo?”
He held up the blade again so that the both of them could inspect it. Kirito turned it about with a slight rotation of his wrist, pretending to analyze it further.
His head stayed tilted at the same quizzical angle, but his eyes darted to stare into Kyo’s.
“Answer me when I talk to you.”
“…….I see it.”
The seemingly translucent irises fixed back onto the sharp piece of metal trapped against his palm.
“Everyone has one of these, don’t they?,” he murmured with a little smile on his lips, probably because he didn’t think Kyo was worth more than the cheap all-purpose blade.
The object was a slim piece of steel encased in more of the metal coated with paint, with a little plastic nub that pushed the blade out and into the open and another piece so it could clip to the pockets if necessary. It came to a tip for piercing, with one side chiseled to slice into anything from letters to uncooperative packages. Kyo had one from his high school years stashed somewhere in his apartment as well. He could almost envision the brown splotches staining the blade and knew that any gash Kirito felt like inflicting on his body, while it may not be horrendously deep, was bound to burn, bleed, and scar.
“Don’t they?” he repeated, voice tinged menace.
Yes now just plunge the damn thing into my eyeball and get me out of this fucking psychotic episode….
“….yes.”
“You know, they’re really so much more convenient than knives when it comes to cutting…”
He ran his fingertip over the sharpened edge, watching in earnest as a razor-thin line of blood followed after it.
“…..I’d almost forgotten.”
He sighed appreciatively, then licked the small cut.
Kyo didn’t expect Kirito’s next move. He watched the other man, unable to do anything but watch, as a fine-boned hand tipped with elegantly honed nails brought the utensil to his white lips. Kirito’s gaze never left his muddy eyes as he began toying with the blade against his tongue dangerously. The pink flesh slid against the cold metal like a rough cat tongue against fur, repeatedly and with intent. The taller man shut his eyes drowsily while Kyo watched, fascinated for some reason, every cell in his body urging him to look away but his eyes unable to follow through with the command. Soon the blade was moving downwards, receiving one last, loving lick from his tongue, and being dragged ever so slowly across the split in the middle of his bottom lip that Kyo had created. The blonde watched as the blade surrealistically bit into the gash, leisurely sinking into the crevice and slicing open the raw wound, ruining whatever had healed during the time passed. Kirito didn’t even flinch as blood started to seep out again, holding the blade in place and giving his lip ample time to scream in frustration at what he was doing to his body. Then he pulled the piece of metal out, face blank as a stream of blood began pouring down his chin it its wake.
Kyo’s flesh chilled and warmed simultaneously in response, like hot honey poured over ice.
He watched as Kirito leaned forward and placed his hand above his head on the headboard, the one with the blade in it flattening against the mattress next to Kyo’s chest for support. He let his head hang so that his forehead was mere centimeters from the bound vocalist’s, but Kyo found that once again he couldn’t meet his eyes for fear of something he couldn’t distinguish. He could feel the heat radiating from the solid body so close to his own, almost as strong as that of the flame from earlier. The scent of blood was pungent -- from that which still lingered in his nose, that which dripped onto his lips, slid into the corners and trickled down his chin.
“Kyo….”
He barely registered the name whispered into his forehead as a gentle, wet kiss replaced the sound. He closed his eyes.
Blood dripped into the hollow between his collarbones, forming a slick, hot pool. Kyo could imagine the splash one drop would make if Kirito just kept hovering, allowing a scarlet lagoon to engulf his whole body…Thick, lush lips were poised nearly against his, breath skimming across his own, painfully dry pink skin….
“….do what you want to….”
A thick bolt of lightening seared across his abdomen, leaving the impression of light even after it finished its course. Kyo felt more blood rush to his member that had swelled so at the mention of Toshiya, and this time it wasn’t because of his unconscious yearning for the bassist. His arms and thighs trembled slightly in reflex.
No god no….no…please don’t do this to me Kirito…, he silently begged. Not you…don’t be the one to indulge me….god stop….I don’t want you, just leave me the fuck alone…I hate you, I don’t want you, I don’t want you, I don’t I don’t I don’t….
But you want what he has to offer, don’t you?
Kyo squeezed his shut eyelids tightly as a moan full of frustration, loathing, and resignation escaped his throat.
A deep chuckle resounded from Kirito’s.
Do what you want to….
The sensation of his tongue lapping gingerly at the split hit him before he opened his eyes. The warm coppery liquid sliding over his taste buds and dissolving into his mouth like sugar was already forcing him to take the wounded lip in his mouth and nurse it, suckling so that the flow wouldn’t stop. He bit and he kissed, licked and sucked, tongue darting into the crevice between the other man’s lip and teeth, his own blood humming with lust because of it all. That metallic taste, the taste of life, the taste of death, drove him wild like nothing else could and he was past caring whether or not Kirito knew what he was doing to him. He instinctively began searching for the other vocalist’s tongue, wanting something to mate with his own and dance about in the bloody mess he’d created. The tips touched, setting off little sparks of electricity, but before he could go further Kirito pulled away and settled his weight back onto Kyo’s body.
“Kirito….”
The word fell from his mouth as a murmur before he knew what he’d said, before he realized that in his bloodlust he’d actual been endeavoring to kiss the man he despised so much.
They locked onto each other’s eyes again as silence filled the room besides Kyo’s heated breathing.
“Want more?”
A glimmer of arousal resided in his eyes, but Kyo was too far gone to tell what had caused it.
“What do you think?” he growled in defense, but any edge it had was lost as his body language clearly pleaded.
Kirito set the blade down beside him and abruptly pulled of his shirt, ruffling his gelled hair in the process. He threw the flimsy black mass onto the floor nonchalantly. Kyo’s eyes widened in surprise at the sight, for he’d always thought Kirito was the kind of guy to never take his shirt off, kind of like Kaoru. His frame resembled Kyo’s though, making the sight strangely familiar, only his was larger and with shoulders cut at a different angle. He wasn’t thin but he wasn’t fat, shape cut straight at the sides instead of the feminine curves so many men in their industry were famous for. The skin was fair and smooth, muscles faint but visible nonetheless, statuesque in its own subtle way. Kyo’s examination was cut short by the other’s voice.
“Where from?”
He picked up the blade and held it in one hand like he was ready to cut a cake, or a butcher about to cut into a slab of meat. Kyo looked over the white canvas resting on his hips.
“….There,” he finally murmured, nodding his head towards Kirito’s arm.
Kirito ran the blade up his forearm in one fluid motion with no hesitation, then waited patiently for little blobs of blood to swell along the invisible trail. He inspected the cut briefly, then with a look of dissatisfaction cut into the same place again with more pressure. This time he seemed to have hit home because the blobs quickly blurred into a rivulet, streaming down his arm with all the grace of Amano’s brushstrokes. His gaze went back to Kyo’s face and he smiled wryly.
“Osusume ne,” he murmured, then pressed his wrist against eager lips.
Kyo knew that for every reason he shouldn’t be doing what he was there were probably two more he hadn’t thought of. But he also knew it wasn’t him who controlled the situation any longer. Kirito had managed to tap into the underlying current of chaos that when aroused tended to make him slam microphones into his chest, roll his eyeballs back into his skull, throw his body around like a rag doll and scream bloody murder like there was no tomorrow. And while this all seemed normal enough when hundreds of fans were screaming back at him and slamming their bodies into one another in response, his want to do such things when the makeup was gone wasn’t a healthy urge and he knew it. Kirito was right -- that’s exactly why he lived alone. Why he refused to get close to any of his band members or friends. He never knew when the monster was going to break free and wreak havoc. It had a bad habit of doing so when other senses were aroused as well. It had a bad habit of scaring people. And it had a bad habit of fucking over his life.
He sucked harder at the slit in anger of the memory he knew was to follow, aggravating the tender skin surrounding it.
She was supposed to marry him. He’d taken to the stage and that was going to provide enough because teenage girls needed an outlet for their wild sides and he provided it. She was supposed to love him and adore him, even though he was really just a plain dreary face under it all. Support him when he needed it and remind him he was just human after all. She was supposed to be there when it all ended and bear him children and a family and a normal life. But she wasn’t. Because even love couldn’t overcome how much of a freak he was and make her stay. His warped sense of lust and aestheticism drove her away just like any other he’d try to take in and in return he was left hollow and alone.
Kirito moved his arm slightly for better access and a thick tongue ran along it.
raspBerry jam he’d called it and when he’d wanted her to shed it she’d looked at him like he was Hitler back from the dead. He’d known it was a mistake to say such a thing the minute it fell from his mouth, but he’d thought for some stupid reason she’d accept the way he was and his inner wants. That’s what he’d heard real love was all about -- undying affection and unquestioning acceptance. But she’d said she wasn’t into that kind of thing, and soon it became all too apparent that she was no longer into him either. And that had both petrified and crushed him. If his physical desires were repulsive then he could hardly imagine he could share his mental desires with another person. Someone he wasn’t in love with and didn’t trust more than anything.
He felt a hand run lovingly through his bleached, brittle hair.
That’s why he’d given up. Why he’d focused his attentions on someone like Toshiya, who seemed like they were too perfect to be real to begin with. No one cared if you cut up dolls. Pretty lips that couldn’t part and call you names; plastic eyelids that shut when you made them and wouldn’t stare back in fear. A man didn’t matter to anyone -- his attraction to one was filthy to begin with so how could it get worse? He’d just live with his fantasies and that would be that. There he could let the crimson ice out. No one else was sick like he was. This too was just a dream, it had to be. He’d passed out on his couch and his mind had picked the image of Kirito to torture him with. It was abuse but it was tender kindness, to feed the fiend within like this, the likes of which he hadn’t ever experienced before. Reality was never so understanding. And if it was a dream, then it didn’t matter what he said or did -- in the morning no one would be affected. He could take advantage of his own twisted psyche and get something out of it all before the morning came. Suffer a little bit for this apparition, let him make him sorry for being born the way he was and then lap up whatever sweet syrup he had to offer in the end. Dreams were better than nothing.
Dreams are better than nothing when you’re like me….
“Kirito,” he mumbled into the lucent skin.
The redhead pulled his arm away and sat back up straight, hips rubbing relentlessly against Kyo’s crotch in the process.
“Hmm?”
“…….untie me ne,” he managed to say, although it came out barely above a whisper.
Kirito laughed.
“Now why should I do that Kyo-sama? I don’t remember wanting my throat ripped out today….,” he responded sardonically, the same glitter in his eye that Aiji’s comment had provoked earlier.
Silence.
“…You know why,” Kyo finally hissed back, averting his eyes, breathing impatient.
His captor’s face grew serious.
“I do, do I?”
Kyo felt like a snake was coiling around him and slowly beginning to squeeze when he met Kirito’s blue eyes again.
“…..yeah…”
Kirito brought the blade into sight once more, dipping it into Kyo’s navel. The flesh jerked in response.
“No Kyo, I don’t think I do….”
The blade dragged alongside his nonexistent love trail and stopped when it hit fabric.
“….why don’t you tell me?”
You’re not going to get it anywhere else, remember that….
“I…,” he faltered as a particularly strong tremor shot uncontrollably down his spine upon seeing the fire in Kirito’s eyes.
“…I…want it….”
Kyo wasn’t sure how loud his voice was. Blood pounded about his ears; he could feel his arteries squeezing his heart and his heart thumping madly against his alabaster ribs in response. He was so acutely aware of the sensation he almost wanted to be sick. Life beating away hideously inside someone like him…
His hips jumped at the ice cold back of Kirito’s palm rubbing leisurely against the smooth skin of his cock.
“Want what?”
Delicate eyelids, so often smothered in kohl and paint, drifted shut once more as Kyo attempted to stifle his panting. God this was so unreal….So ironic, so degrading, so terrifying, so thrilling, and so…
“…you….I..I…don’t deny me it…”
….so….
Fingers smeared blood teasingly against his bottom lip.
“I’d never deny you anything Kyo…are you still hungry?”
….so….
“…nn…more…,” he moaned feverishly, abandoning his care, the other vocalist’s hand still rubbing against him, “…feed me….fuck me….make me bleed…”
Kyo hissed in pain as the blade slashed below his nipple.
…wonderful…
The stimulation stopped as Kirito caught Kyo’s face in his hand, his grip firm as he tilted the blonde’s head back slightly. Kyo’s eyes opened slowly, his body melting involuntarily into the subtlety dominant gesture.
“Those words sound so beautiful coming from your lips Kyo….,” he murmured in a voice strangely devoid of sarcasm, lightly licking his lips.
Kyo watched with enthrallment as Kirito bent his head back down to lap at the blood trickling from his pale brown nipple, the hand clutching his face sliding gently down the side of his throat. He nursed the wound carefully, washing away the stinging for a little bit, and the blonde wondered what the hell was wrong with Kirito so that he was beating him near death one moment and then acting like this the next.
“If only you were this pleading all the time….,” those thick lips whispered into his skin, “But after tonight Kyo, after tonight, you will never talk to me the way you did today again….”
A manicured hand caressed his face with disturbing compassion.
Deg’s vocalist stopped thinking. Completely. His spinal cord had been pulled and the mainframe gave out in effect. He was crazy, that was all. It explained everything. Undoubtedly insane. Even his dreams were as fucked up as he was. He didn’t know what he’d said that had that had jogged it, but something was definitely different about his captor. It was if his aura had blurred to another color, something more inviting yet more unsettling at the same time. That gorgeous charcoal gray that filled the skies before a fierce storm, that made the skies seem so heavy and swelled with life that a downpour was the only inevitable outcome; air so vivacious and alive people stared at the sky no matter what they were doing. His eyes had changed, eyelids lowered by lust and gaze ever so slightly more unfocused than before, voice dipping lower, the previous tenseness locked in his body undone. It almost alarmed Kyo more than his earlier behavior…
Kirito stretched an arm over his bound body and reached for something on the bedside table.
“Drink this.”
Kyo tried to turn his head as Kirito pushed the rim of a glass against his lips.
“Kyo….what’s the matter? You don’t trust me?”
He wanted to laugh but realized nothing really mattered anymore and if it was poison so fucking what. At least he had some pleasure before he died. And he was sure that even a lust-ridden Kirito wouldn’t hesitate in thrashing him until he drank the substance…
“There you go….it’s for your own good….,” he soothed, helping Kyo pour the contents down his throat since he couldn’t do so himself.
The empty glass was quickly placed back on the table and forgotten about. Kirito sat back up on his haunches, this time blatantly rubbing himself against the blonde, at a maddeningly slow pace. Kyo bit his lip again in response, knowing that his body was already weeping fluid and painfully ready to be touched to a more thorough extent.
“No Kyo, don’t hold back from me, I’ll be disappointed….I want to hear everything you feel….”
The blonde struggled to hold back his moans, but gasped rather loudly as the blade cut into him again, this time across his stomach.
“Like that…like that….,” Kirito purred, eyes shut as he savored the noise.
Kyo watched with morbid fascination as the larger man began methodically slicing into his torso, groaning and panting at the sting and fire that accompanied every slash.
“Louder,” he instructed, passion clear in his voice.
He felt the metal biting into his side as the redhead carved into him again and again, the creamy skin of his chest and abdomen soon a mess of crisscrossing welts and blood. And the worse it became, the more Kyo tried to kill his whimpering, the more his flesh twitched in rejection of such mauling, the more the fire in Kirito’s eyes increased and the more aroused his mannerisms became.
“What are you trying to do to me?” Kyo finally choked out, the sight of so much blood finally forcing him to turn his face aside .
Kirito leaned down to lick at the exposed neck.
“Cleansing you….making you beautiful….you don’t like it?”
Before he could answer, Kirito’s teeth clamped down on his neck.
“Ki..ri..uuunnn…!!!”
The teeth bit harder, Kirito refusing to let up like a lion subduing a kill in the midst of dying. Kyo’s eyes rolled back in his head as he wondered if the man was trying to rip open his neck with the pain he was experiencing.
“…nnnnn....please…,” he moaned as he felt his skin start to give way under the pressure, voice so coarse he couldn’t fit in the ‘stop’.
As an answer he felt slick fingers crawl inside his parted lips, stroking his tongue and slipping more of the liquid he so craved in. Mind fogged by the immense aching in his neck, he didn’t think to bite, instead sucking instinctively to take his mind off of his immolated body. Kyo was vaguely aware of Kirito’s other hand being mashed between their legs, tugging at something and in turn pleasuring him for a few scarce moments.
“..more…there..more…anything…god…”
He started pushing his hips into Kirito’s to trap the delicious hand there, but the other vocalist pulled his body away abruptly, fingers withdrawing from Kyo’s mouth and his teeth letting go of his flesh. His breathing was ragged, more so than when he and Kyo had fought, as he sat up on his knees, body completely separated from the blonde’s and his naked torso covered in blood. Kyo saw that he had unzipped his pants and watched with shaking fear and desire as he pushed them down a little further and exposed himself.
“Kyo,” he said in an almost drugged voice, “you want this, don’t you?”
Kyo nodded dazedly, eyes fixated on the mass of black, white, and crimson before him….He looked like a seraph from his nightmares…
He began stroking himself gingerly, watching the look of longing in Kyo’s face with immense satisfaction.
“I know Kyo, I know….”
Kirito stroked himself harder, swallowing hard as his head tilted backwards in pleasure, hot breath escaping over parted lips. Kyo had never seen a man besides himself do such things before and it was an extremely alien sensation, compelling him not to look away. But it was also unbearably erotic and he wanted nothing more than to just be a part of it in hopes of finding release…
“….Kirito…untie me…” he begged quietly.
Kirito simply laughed again, his voice strained.
“No…no Kyo….just watch….”
His blue eyes shut as he stopped stroking and started pumping.
“….watch…because…”
He gasped and pumped harder.
“..because you will..never….have this…”
The muscles in his arms quivered.
“…because I would never,” he gasped out, “ever….fuck your…filthy body….”
His hand jerked faster.
“..you’re…not worth..my seed….”
The wild red hair fell forward again as his head lolled about and he continued to pleasure himself, breathing harsh and audible in the quiet room.
“…remember that when…you…crawl back to..me….” he growled, never missing a stroke as his body fell forward and over Kyo’s, his free arm supporting his weight.
“Remember how you…want me inside.. you…now,” he hissed into Kyo’s ear, “how…you’re begging to have.. .your brains fucked out…how I know you…inside…out…..how I’m the only one…who could give you….what you need….”
Kyo felt the muscles in the other man’s neck tense against his.
“Remember and have respect!!!” he spat, then moaned as his body hit bliss.
Even as Kirito’s warm cum splattered across his stomach, he was speechless. While the other breathed deep in contentment and the sticky white liquid coated his wounds in silence, his brain couldn’t fathom a response. He stared over Kirito’s shoulder at his white back and the few drops of blood that had managed to mar it, mind blank, eyelids heavy.
He vaguely felt Kirito kiss the damage he had done to his neck, whatever it may be.
The redhead sighed and pushed himself off of Kyo, moving off the bed all together in one unhurried motion. Kyo didn’t look at him as the other stood beside the small piece of furniture. He simply stared at his stomach now that Kirito’s back wasn’t obstructing his view, looking to the mess covering every inch of his torso. He noted he was still erect. That was interesting.
“I’m….I’m going to wake up soon, aren’t I?” he murmured vacantly, concentrating on a thin stream of pearl oozing down the side of his rib.
Kirito laughed softly.
“Yes Kyo, of course you will.”
The taller man sat back down on the side of the bed. Kyo could see half of his form and the hand he laid on his bare thigh. He stared at the hand instead.
“That’s what I thought….”
They were silent for a long time, Kyo’s body still bound and bleeding, Kirito waiting calmly beside him, gently stroking his inner thigh.
“Are you going to be here when I wake up?” Kyo asked hazily, his voice a little slurred.
“No, I won’t.”
“Oh.”
It didn’t surprise or disappoint him.
“But you’ll remember this dream Kyo, I’ll make sure of that….”
Kyo absently wondered what that meant as he realized his eyes were shut. Nothing really hurt that much either. What a shame, he was already waking up so soon….
Kirito watched intently as Kyo passed out for the second time that night.
~*~
“Isn’t that a little…scary… to wear to bed?”
Jun eyed the black t-shirt with a disturbing blue face leering towards him with doubt.
“Yeah well it is Marilyn Manson after all, I mean since when has he not been scary?” Hiro said with a laugh, holding the t-shirt against his own body and looking down at it fondly.
“Mari- Ma- what?”
Hiro raised an eyebrow as he looked back to Jun.
“You know, Marilyn Manson? The Antichrist Superstar?”
Jun’s face was blank.
“What, is that English?”
“Oh c’mon Jun, quit pulling my leg…I mean you may hate him but the t-shirt isn’t that bad and all my other pajama sets are dirty…”
Jun’s eyes narrowed a little in irony.
“How can I hate him if I don’t know who he is? Is that the name of some horror movie you like?” he inquired, pointing to the neon green and black letters above the rock star’s head.
Hiro stared at Jun in surprise. Jun wasn’t one to say stupid things, so he must honestly…
“You really don’t know who this guy is, do you? But Kirito…”
Now it was his turn to be confused.
“But Kirito what?” Jun asked.
“Anoo…Kirito doesn’t like this guy?”
Jun snorted.
“Are you kidding? I don’t know Kirito too well but he’s always ragging on weirdo foreigners…He won’t touch anything to do with them. That guy’s an American right?”
Whoa…now that was weird….
“Uh yeah…heh well…. never mind…I’ll tell you who he is some other day. For now you’re gonna be stuck wearing this to bed unless you wanna go to bed in your boxers, but I’ll warn you, it costs an arm and a leg to keep the heater on all night and I don’t have another heat source in here…”
He walked over to the other guitarist and draped the large t-shirt around his shoulders playfully.
“There is always me however….”
He pulled the shy Jun a little closer.
“….but you’ve got to stay very close if you want to keep warm…”
Jun smiled as their eyes locked.
“That sounds good to me….”
Hiro pulled him to his chest and into a kiss before he realized what he was doing.
No Hiro you idiot don’t do things like this, don’t tease him into situations that will only backfire later on! Take it slow like you said you would!
But cold hands slid around his shirt and up his back, caressing the curved muscle and bone, making it hard for him to break the delicious kiss that his body ached so much for.
Second chances are rare but third are nonexistent; fuck it up again and you lose permanently.
He broke the kiss at that thought, Jun’s tongue protesting as he gently pushed it from his mouth.
“What a shame ne, I really wanted to see you in my t-shirt…You would have looked so cute…”
Hiro smirked as he teased to wash away his sour thoughts.
“In this? I don’t think so…I’ll try and fulfill my lifelong duty as being Adorable To Hiro in some other way thank you very much…” Jun said while still eyeing the shirt hanging off his shoulders with mistrust.
“Well you can start by being my teddy bear for tonight,” Hiro stated matter-of-factly, walking over to his bed and lifting up the covers to get in.
“Hop in.”
Jun removed Hiro’s t-shirt from his body and placed it over the back of a nearby chair. He walked back to his side of the bed and was about to get in before he saw the funny look his boyfriend was giving him.
“Hey Jun, didn’t you say you were going to sleep in your boxers?”
He looked down at himself and it dawned on him that he had yet to change from what he’d been wearing to the bar. The guitarist smiled meekly in embarrassment.
“Heh. Almost forgot…,” he mumbled while reaching for his fly.
“I mean I know how eager you are to get in my bed and all but still…”
Jun laughed as he looked at the floor, heat creeping back into his cheeks. Hiro eyed him appreciatively as he undressed and Jun tried to ignore it.
Hiro what the fuck are you saying? What you’re the perfect gentleman outside and then when he steps into your home you think you’ve got the right to act like one of those creeps from the bars? You’re embarrassing the hell out of him just because you’re horny and you’ll regret it when he freaks out you idiot…He’s fumbling with his clothing too because you’re eyeing him like a piece of meat…You know if you keep this up you’ll end up jumping on him and taking things too far too fest….Remember Toshiya you moron, remember and have your heart bleed…
Hiro ripped his eyes away from Jun undressing and hurriedly stepped into bed.
But I just want to feel the flesh of someone I crave again…I can’t help it…It’s been so long, too long…All those meaningless substitutes….And he’s just perfect, the way he reacts to everything, the way he shares, that mischievous tight-lipped smile he pulls when he wants to play…Something real could happen here…Can you blame me for wanting it?
Jun finished undressing quickly once Hiro’s eyes weren’t on him, sliding into the small bed with ease and lightly brushing against Hiro’s skin in the process.
Tch, you said the same damn thing about Toshiya….
Hiro glanced uneasily at the other man in his bed. Jun was fiddling with his hands.
But he’s not Toshiya damn it and I need to stop comparing everyone I meet to him….And was what happened with him even my fault? I can’t control how other people act, I mean…..
His hand reached out gingerly to touch Jun’s.
But you can influence them and that was your fault. You fucked him right off the bat and taught him sex was nothing but something to be used as a tool and an outlet only…And then when he realized he knew enough to go fuck around with other men and leave you choking on his dust who was the one with tears in their eyes? And all because you couldn’t control yourself and he looked to you for guidance….That was the only thing that was his fault….And here you are, wanting to do the same thing all over again with new blood, telling intimacy and bonding to fuck off because you want satisfaction now, and then when you realize you’re in love it’ll be too late because he’s long gone, laughing at how pathetic you are in the arms of another man…
Jun looked slowly to Hiro’s face, breathe coming a little faster as he felt Hiro stroking the smooth flesh of the back of his hand.
No…..no…..I won’t lose Jun….I’ll show him I really do care…I’ll go slowly no matter what, no matter how much I want him…Things’ll be different this time….
He took a hold of Jun’s small hand and brought it to his lips, kissing it gently.
“I’m glad you came tonight Jun…I really am. Thank you,” he said quietly, eyes fixed on the wall on the other side of the room.
“Hiro….,” Jun breathed in return, brown eyes searching the handsome face in expectation and uncertainty.
….I really do care….
He let go his hand and looked into his eyes.
“I usually sleep in but don’t hesitate to wake me. I’ll cook us breakfast….”
Jun nodded, eyes skimming over those flawless pink lips in subtle longing.
“And I’ll buy some orange juice to go with the liquor this time,” he said with a small laugh, but couldn’t ignore the way Jun was looking at him, despite the smile on his face.
“So...I guess this is goodnight, isn’t it?” Jun asked softly.
“…I guess it is.”
Silence fell while they just looked at one another.
“Well…goodnight.”
“Goodnight.”
Hiro shifted in preparation of turning away from Jun but he realized he couldn’t.
Those eyes….
“Aren’t…,” Jun began timidly, “..aren’t you going to kiss me goodnight?”
Oh god….
“Of course,” he murmured, head already angling and moving slowly towards Jun’s.
Jun leaned forward as well, turning on his side so that he could kiss him better. They both shut their eyes as their mouths met, breath slipping into one another’s parted lips. Hiro had meant to end the kiss there, a simple brushing of skin against skin and no more, but he felt Jun’s palm pressing into his bare chest, steadying himself for something further.
Don’t…..don’t…
Don’t, he told himself as his tongue nudged the parted lips further apart, arms reaching out to trap Jun’s thin body against his.
Soon their bodies were molded comfortably against one another’s, tongues mating gently as they kissed slowly and passionately. Hiro brought a hand up to caress the other guitarist’s face in encouragement and Jun’s nails dug lightly into his chest in response. His pulse quickened at the sensation, his lips pulling away from the other pair and landing on other skin instead, instinctually sucking on his throat out of excitement. Hiro’s hands slid down slender sides and teased the hot flesh into wanting more, Jun moaning in support of their course. He stopped sucking and began kissing and biting whatever flesh was in reach, his own voice rumbling deep within his chest out of lust. The feeling of yielding skin against his tongue combined with both of their panting was already making Hiro hard and suddenly he realized what he was doing.
What the fuck is wrong with me?!!
He stopped what he was doing and rolled over quickly, ignoring Jun’s hazy look of confusion and clutching his stomach.
I make myself sick……I can’t believe I was just doing that to him….
He shut his eyes tight in disbelief and distress.
“Hiro…? Are-are you okay? What happened?” Jun asked worriedly, his fingertips barely touching Hiro’s back in insecurity.
“I….I feel sick…,” he barely forced out, teeth clenched in anger and disgust with himself.
“Oh my god, do you need something? Are you going to be sick?”
“No…no, I just haven’t eaten in awhile and I think the coffee and tobacco aren’t mixing well with nothing….Don’t worry….”
“Do you need to eat? I can make something for you,” Jun said while sitting up in bed, voice tense with care.
“No…I’ll be fine…I…”
His eyes clenched tighter in self-loathing.
“Hiro you don’t look good, let me go make some miso…”
Jun shifted to get out of bed and Hiro’s hand shot out to grab his arm.
“No, don’t, I’ll be fine, I promise…I get cramps like this a lot, please don’t worry…”
Jun’s eyes widened a little at how tight Hiro’s grip was.
“Hiro I--”
“Please just hold me…the pain’ll go away then….,” he begged, eyes meeting Jun’s with intensity.
Jun’s muscles relaxed as he saw the agony dwelling in the dark orbs, abandoning the notion of leaving the bed.
“Please,” he pleaded again.
“Sure…,” he answered, throat dry as he voice wavered a bit.
Hiro let go of his arm and fell back against the pillows, eyes closing in sudden exhaustion. Jun watched the long eyelashes for a moment and then reached over their owner to turn off the light. His hands sought out Hiro’s body in the abrupt darkness, hesitantly defining the lithe frame and then settling down beside it.
“Hiro?” he whispered.
Please don’t say anything love….
“…..yes?” he responded weaker than he’d wanted to, eyes still shut.
Jun wrapped his arms around his neck carefully, afraid of holding him anywhere else.
“Promise me….promise me you’ll eat more, okay?”
Hiro felt the mop of short hair brush against his cheek as Jun nestled his body against his own.
He tried to ignore the fluid gathered in the corners of his eyes.
“I promise Jun….”
“Thanks.”
A smile formed on the innocent face and Hiro wrapped his arms around Jun’s body, waiting for the other to fall asleep before he let the liquid roll down his cheeks.
~*~
Die felt like a new man and he hadn’t even touched Shinya yet.
He hurriedly toweled off his arms and grinned at his appearance in the mirror. Nice lightly muscled frame, pale skin, perky nipples, cute navel, trimmed nails and scarlet hair ruffled just enough to look stylish. And a perfect set of white teeth top it all off. He tugged his jeans down a little more so they hung off his hip bones and the top of his boxers peeked out, complete with the lovely guide lines leading to his crotch visible as well. The towel fell to the floor as Die thrust his hands in his pockets and flashed his cynical “I’m a badder ass than you” scowl, trying to ignore the bulge in his pants.
He was one sexy motherfucker, decidedly.
He could do this! Shinya wasn’t so hard to tame after all. He was sure this time when the morning came things would be different. Or he’d just make sure to wake up earlier than the drummer and pin him to the bed or something. But he was pretty sure tonight would be wild and Shinya would be begging for more when the sun rose.
His body shivered in anticipation as he opened the bathroom door to step back into his bedroom.
He wondered what the drummer would feel like, what he would taste like, what he would sound like when he came…
Shinya was sitting on the edge of the bed, looking around the room with mild interest when Die stepped into his bedroom. Immediately their eyes met, both smiling shyly at one another. Die wanted to run over to the bed and jump on it, tackling Shinya in the process and take things from there since he was so excited, but he decided against it. Maybe Shinya wasn’t into roughhousing when it came to sex. He hadn’t a clue. So instead he opted to lean against the door frame and play it cool, waiting for the brunette’s beckon.
Shinya titled his head in that same feminine manner, pretty grin gracing his lips as he patted the space beside him.
This is it, this is it, Die kept repeating in his mind, smile growing even wider as he sauntered over to the other man and promptly sat down beside him, arm already reaching to embrace the naked waist. Shinya warmed to the touch, letting Die draw him in close for a long, searching kiss.
This is it this is it this is---
The thought caught in Die’s brain as Shinya brought a palm to his chest and slowly started pushing him down on his back. The kiss was kept intact, even when the guitarist felt his cheap comforter eagerly engulf his backside. But before he could rewrap his arms around Shinya’s waist and pull the younger man on top of him, Shinya’s lips had left his and the lithe body was leaving the bed to stand back up. Die watched in slight confusion as Shinya and his unrealistically thin self stared down at him hungrily.
Ohhhhhhhh, the thought dawned on him, he wants to play first…..
He shifted a little and propped himself up on his elbows, grinning seductively back at his lover and waiting for teeth to pull at his zipper.
Shinya grinned back.
“Mmm Die-kun….take your pants off for me, will you?” Shinya asked while toying with his own zipper.
Okay, he thought, maybe he really does want to get down to it….
Die unabashedly undid the buttons to his jeans and zipped down the fly, tugging both his pants and boxers off in a few shrugs of his hips. They slid slowly down the side of the bed and landed in a crumpled heap. He leaned back again and smirked, his excitement exposed and visible to Shinya’s eyes. At least he didn’t have any inferiority complexes in this region….
“Oh Die, you’re so beautiful…” he said while eyeing every inch of the naked body, beginning to undress himself.
Well, no one had called him beautiful before…but he didn’t mind. Shinya and his drunken word choice…
“So pretty…,” he continued, still eyeing Die as he stepped out of his own pants.
Okaaaaaaaay, he could deal with pretty too….
“…I just want to fuck you until you can’t walk straight,” Shinya finished sweetly while slipping out of his boxers.
Uhhhhh….
“Now flip over.”
UHHHHHH….
In all the perverted little pornographic scenarios that had floated through his mind a million times concerning Shinya, Shinya screwing him up the ass wasn’t one of them. Not like he was virgin in the territory or something, or like he couldn’t take it….well okay it had only been one time, and that time was special. He had to admit it. He knew he could take it but that didn’t mean he necessarily wanted to. It had been Sugizo and that’s why he’d allowed it. After all, who wouldn’t submit themselves to the likes of the Walking Porn? Lucifer in the flesh? One of the few guitar demigods? And there were other factors to consider in the natural order of who gets to be on top. Sugizo was much older than him. And more experienced. And more famous. And more…more not Shinya dammit!!! He didn’t save Little Fucker Oggly from his whirlpool grave so that he could get it up the ass! Who the hell did Shinya think he was?!
“Baby,” he began calmly, unfazed in his masculine security, “why don’t you come lay down next to me, and we’ll--”
“Die-kun do you want to make love or not?”
“Of course I do sweetheart, I--”
“Then flip over.”
Shinya began advancing on him and Die panicked. He had an awfully voracious look donned for “making love”.
There was a hierarchy of who could top who within Dir en grey, and each of them had had enough painful experiences fighting or fucking so that no one forgot. Toshiya was at the bottom, Kaoru his match, because even though he towered over most of them he had a hard time even play-fighting and was prone to tears if you hit him wrong. Kyo was Kaoru’s match, because even though they were around the same height, Kyo was known to punch pretty hard and Kaoru bruised easily. Die was Kyo’s match simply because he could sit on Kyo and had enough strength in his arms to pin the small man and keep him from biting. Shinya was at the top, Die being the only one who had a chance to resist the drummer’s veiled strength. He remembered how their jaws had dropped during their indies days when they shot Sangeki no Yoru; the boy had picked up a drum and effortlessly hurled it towards the camera without a second thought. Since then they’d found out Shinya could hurl a hell of a lot more than drums -- Die especially since he liked to tease. Therefore he knew when it came down to it, Shinya could damn well *make* him flip over if he felt like it….
He found himself pressed against the pillows propped up against the wall before he knew it.
“What’s the matter Die? I only want to have a good time…and I want you so badly…”
His face was agonizingly innocent, pouty, and confused as he crawled up the bed in a predator-like manner.
“You’re making me feel….unloved…..”
Die winced at the hurt in his baby’s voice, an echo beginning to bounce off the walls of his psyche again…
And the jerk left me unsatisfied just like that, can you believe it? I mean if that’s how he treats my erection, I don’t want to stick around and see how he’s going to treat me…
ARGH VOICE IN MY HEAD SHUT UP!!!! Die mentally screamed.
Shinya whimpered and Die told himself he wasn’t going to waver. Those almond shaped eyes, complete with rain cloud gray irises and brushstroke perfect eyelashes, could plead as much as they wanted to. If Shinya was going to wear those heart-melting contacts to begin with they he could fucking well be the girl...
“…Like..like I should be somewhere else….”
..Like Yasu’s…..
No Die shut up he didn’t say that!!! You are not going to take it up the ass!!!
Shinya’s voice grew soft and he averted his eyes, looking to the side of the bed like he should be redressing himself. Die bit his lip. Hard.
“…you know, if you really don’t want me….”
…he will, with his pretty smile and sexy legs and since he can sing AND play the guitar….
Not..worth..getting..it..up---SHUT UP!!! SCREW YOU YASU HE’S MINE!!! YOU TOO CHISATO AND WHOEVER THE HELL ELSE TOUCHED HIM!!!
Die finally snapped out of his frozen state as he grabbed Shinya and jerked him forward and into a violent kiss.
MINE!
He threw a hand onto the drummer’s round behind and groped, pushing their bodies into one another’s.
MINE!
His other hand followed and soon he was shoving their crotches together, erections sliding painfully alongside one another’s in need of release.
MINE!
Shinya threw an arm around Die’s neck and caressed his face with his other hand, the both of them panting into their strong kisses. Die’s arm shot out to reach under the pillow beside him where he’d stashed his bottle of lubricant without a second thought. What the fuck ever, his jealousy was not about to let Shinya leave his bed for someone else’s no matter what. He fumbled around for it blindly, Shinya’s perfect moans, hot sex, and blind thrusting making him lose his mind all the more faster. After what was definitely too long a period in the Hormone Time Zone, his shaking fingers felt cool plastic beneath them and his hand closed over the tube in a grip surer than death’s.
“No…no,” the redhead panted around Shinya’s luscious tongue, “don’t… feel unloved…ne….”
He grabbed the hand stroking his face and threw it back down to the bed, Shinya’s eyes widening in shock until he felt the recognizable item pressed into his palm.
“I,” he hungrily sucked at the drummer’s bottom lip, “I love you more than anything…”
His lips kissed the slender neck repeatedly, “More..more than anyone else…”
His hand stroked the other man’s sex tenderly. “Don’t leave me ne…”
Die’s brown eyes lifted for a second and met the unreadable orbs that had been staring at him the whole time. He had only looked to Shinya’s eyes by accident, but now he couldn’t wrench his gaze away. The sensuality floating about the two of them came to an abrupt halt as Die’s unexpected confession hung heavy in the air.
Heat crept into distinct curves of Die’s high cheekbones. Why did he say such a thing?
Shinya seemed detached with some emotion Die couldn’t define and before he was forced to think about it, he was blurting more things out.
“Fuck me. Take me. Of course I want to scream your name. I want to feel you. Only you. Other people they don’t care about you like I do. I mean they can’t. You’re beautiful to me. More than that. So much more I can’t put it into words. It drives me crazy thinking about you with someone besides me. You can’t go. I’ll give you everything you want. And my heart. What I’m trying to say is,” he took a shaky breath and broke the hurried pace,
I want you in me, now.”
What the FUCK was THAT???? DIE YOU WUSSY PANSY-ASSED LOSER YOU JUST BLEW THE WHOLE RELATIONSHIP WITH A BUNCH OF SENITIMENTAL GARBAGE THAT ONLY A WOMAN WOULD SAY!!!!
His heart stopped in the throes of a beat while he waited for Shinya’s response.
The drummer sniffled.
“Die….”
The redhead watched in disbelief as water swelled in the corners of those picturesque eyes.
“That was the most beautiful thing anyone has ever said to me…..”
And then the dam burst.
“Oh Die I love you too!!!” Die cringed as Shinya threw himself into his pale body with the strength of a freight train, slamming him against the wall. “You’re so good to me,” he wailed into the crimson strands covering Die’s shoulder. “So so good to me…I’m sorry I said what I did,” Shinya pulled back so he could look into Die’s utterly stunned face, “You don’t have to flip over…”
Die smiled a happy, though slightly dazed, smile even though he was starting to wonder what alternate universe he’d stepped into.
“…we’ll just have sex like this!”
Shinya smiled brightly through his tears and Die felt cold, clear gel being smeared against his opening.
A gurgle that may have been a laugh escaped his throat.
He was being made into another man’s bitch……
~*~
“And that’s it. I left him there. I left him there because I was angry and hurt and I didn’t know what else to do. It’s what always happens between the two of us -- I’m always frustrated and I rarely understand why.”
Kohta’s mouth was covered by his hands that were clutched together in contemplation
“What should I do? What can I do? He’s probably over at that Hiro guy’s house right now you know? And I want to apologize but a large part of me feels that I shouldn’t have to. Am I just drunk?”
The bassist moved his hands away from his mouth and leaned back into the couch. Takeo had practically poured out his whole history with Jun and it was strange to think such a thing had been lying right under his nose the whole time. And strange to hear what other people thought of their band, especially about Aiji and Kirito….
“You know how you asked me if you could care a lot about someone and not love them Takeo?” he began seriously, his brain still processing all the information.
“Yeah?”
“Well the truth is you can’t. The only thing is one needs to understand which type of love it is.”
He took a deep breath.
“Now I’m not going to say you love Jun in the way I love my girlfriend. I don’t think that’s what you need to hear. But what I do think the problem is, is that maybe tonight forced you to take a look at how you love Jun, and you weren’t prepared to do that yet. Does that makes sense so far?”
Takeo nodded silently, taking a deep drag off his cigarette.
“I think what makes you so restless with Jun is that whatever you truly feel is left unsaid, to both him and yourself. And before you establish what’s really going on inside you, you can’t make him understand how you feel or expect him to react according to how you want him to. Right now Jun probably thinks you hate him because he’s dating a man, and that the reason you two fight so much despite being friends is that it’s just your personality to nitpick and disagree, which from what you’ve told me doesn’t seem to be the case. It honestly isn’t fair to leave him in the dark about your turmoil, or soon enough he’ll get fed up with it and take it as you having a problem with him and not just the relationship. What you need to do now, in my opinion, is take a look at yourself, your feelings, how things are, how you want things to be, and draw a conclusion as to which type of love it is. Then, no matter what the answer, you should tell Jun and ask him to understand and be patient with you. I know it sounds humbling and I know you may not want to do it, but trust me, if it doesn’t get done, things are only going to get worse and you may end up losing him for good.”
He looked to Takeo for a reaction.
“And I really hope I’ve said something useful. I don’t want you two to fight when there’s no need to.”
The drummer stared at the burning tobacco in his hand, watching as the little ring of magma orange burn down further and leave a pillar of ash in its wake.
“You know, I don’t ever talk to anyone about these kind of things.”
He reached for the ashtray and twisted the cigarette into the glass.
“Your girlfriend, she’s really lucky. I’d like to meet her some day.”
Kohta smiled.
“I’m sure she’d like to meet you too Takeo.”
“Kohta?”
“Yes?”
Takeo turned and looked into his eyes.
“What if I find out I love Jun like that? What if I find out I love a man?”
The blonde tried to find a comforting answer but couldn’t think because of the look in Takeo’s eyes.
Torment…
Takeo’s face pleaded for an answer but eventually fell into his hands.
“I’m afraid Kohta….,” he whispered in a choked voice.
“I’m really afraid….”
Kohta’s heart tore at the sound.
Why don’t I know the pain my band mates, my friends, are going through? Does Aiji feel like this? Does he go home each night and bury his face in his hands, wanting to be told the way he feels is okay? Does Jun hate himself when he looks in the mirror because he thinks his best friend despises him? And Kirito….How can I change this?
He reached an arm out to wrap around Takeo in assurance and the other tensed.
“It’s okay Takeo, things’ll be okay…”
“No, no they won’t…all because of..me..,” he choked out, and Kohta realized he was crying.
No he shouldn’t be crying, he shouldn’t be upset…I don’t want you to hurt, I don’t want any of you to hurt…
Takeo collapsed against him, sobbing, and Kohta wrapped both arms around him.
“Shhh don’t worry Takeo…You’re just tired and stressed….You haven’t done anything any other person wouldn’t, don’t take it out on yourself….All you need is some rest….You can spend the night here. I’ll sleep on the couch and you can have my bed, and tomorrow morning we’ll go out for breakfast together alright? How does that sound?”
He felt the other man nod weakly.
I won’t let this happen again Takeo, there’s no need for you to cry, for any of us to cry…We have wealth and fame and plenty of people who love us and with a foundation like that you can only build beautiful things…Things will change, just you wait.
He stroked the clay colored hair until his crying died down to few shaky breaths.
Things will change….
~*~
Tears rolled off of Toshiya’s powder pink cheeks as he screamed again.
“Please Kaoru…please…please,” he sobbed in both extreme pain and pleasure.
“Say it again,” Kaoru hissed and thrust into him, shoving his weakened body against the wall yet again.
“Oh god I’m sorry…I’m sorry…sorry!!!!” he cried as his cheek mashed into the textured paint.
“Tell me you deserve this,” he growled and bit into the tender flesh of his lover’s shoulder.
“Aaaahhh!!! I…,” he swallowed hard and tried to ignore the teeth cutting into his flesh, “deserve…this…Kaoru please…stop!”
He let go of the muscle, instead pulling on Toshiya’s hair and bending his neck back over his shoulder so he could see his eyes.
“No. Tell me you go too far.”
“I go..I go too far…I won’t..tease you like that…anymore!!! Please….please…”
“Tell me you fantasize about me taking you like this.”
Kaoru’s voice was remarkably controlled despite the physical effort he was exerting.
“I..” he blinked his eyes to clear the tears, “I…I fanta…size…”
His heart beat crazily as he looked into his lover’s eyes.
“..about…you fucking me like this….”
He panted harder at the look of sheer dominance in Kaoru’s brown orbs, at the beauty of his boyfriend, of the way he felt inside him…
Kaoru smirked at the lids lowered in arousal and he slowed his pace.
“Tell me you like it.”
“I…like..it..,” the boy gasped out.
He brought his hand around to Toshiya’s bare chest and dragged his fingernails down the soft skin.
“Tell me you want it.”
Toshiya’s eyes shut at the deep voice and Kaoru’s hips rocked into him again.
“I..want..it…”
The hand slid back up his chest and caressed his throat, stroking the sensitive skin roughly.
“Tell me…,” his breath whispered hotly into his ear, sending shivers down his spine,
“….you need it.”
The bassist could only moan a long, passionate moan in response.
~*~
Aiji’s heart nearly jumped out his mouth when he heard a door shut, jolting him from his slumber. His hand instinctually flew to his pounding heart as he looked over his shoulder in the direction of the noise. He hadn’t meant to fall asleep to begin with -- for some reason he felt as if he should stay awake while waiting, as if it were some sign of respect. Respect for…
Oh god he’s here…
Suddenly he wasn’t nearly as calm about the whole thing as he had been when he’d arrived. The thought of confronting Kirito now seemed absurd, begging for inevitable rejection and doing no more than annoying his love. What if Kirito was angry he was in the apartment without him? What if something had gone wrong and he took it out on him, ruining their chance of understanding? Or if he was hurt?
What if Kirito was hurt?
That brought him out of his paranoia, his body quickly lifting from the sofa cushions and rounding the furniture, walking to stand in the doorway between the kitchen and the living room. He absently ran a few fingers through his hair, listening anxiously to the noises of shoes being removed and a body shuffling about. He could only catch glimpses of Kirito’s clothing as the vocalist hung up his coat, and almost every emotion harbored within him took turns clutching at his chest. Kirito turned around after he’d finished with everything, and Aiji started knotting his hands about one another as he held his breath, waiting for the other’s eyes to meet his.
He didn’t have to wait long.
“O..Okaeri nasai,” he whispered, immediately averting his eyes from Kirito’s in reflex.
“Tadaima,” he heard murmured in response.
When Kirito didn’t move, he realized he was being rude by blocking his way and steeled himself to look into Kirito’s eyes before he moved. He brought one arm over his chest and hugged the crook of his other one before he lifted his head, something of a nervous habit that formed within him when he dealt with the other man. He knew it looked childish to most people but he couldn’t help it, and Kirito had never called him stupid for doing that at least so he figured it was permissible. His brown eyes darted upwards to look to the man before him.
Kirito was staring back at him, face perfectly blank as usual. Beautifully blank. Aiji’s breath caught in his throat as it normally did, and he shifted a foot to cover the noise. The vocalist’s red hair was damp, as if he had taken a shower, falling about his face a little more disheveled than usual. He didn’t seem surprised that Aiji was standing in front of him, or angry either. Just…worn. Aiji noted the curves under his eyes that he’d inherited worse than his brother were prominent, something that usually happened when he was stressed or tired, giving him a weary, almost sickly appearance. He was still wearing his contacts from the photo shoot but he’d changed clothes like the guitarist had. As if to emphasis his fatigue he’d slipped into the bad posture he habitually exhibited when he wasn’t performing, shoulders slumped forward a bit. Aiji gave thanks nothing seemed to be wrong with him besides needing a rest, although he wasn’t wearing the bandages from the hospital anymore. The stitches in the corner of his mouth were still in place, but the cut on his lip looked like he’d been chewing on it and incredibly raw. He’d have to put medicine on it while Kirito slept, but he longed to place just one kiss on the wound…
Kirito took a few steps and stood right in front of the guitarist, startling him and nearly causing Aiji to take a step back.
“Aiji,” was all that came out, and Aiji wondered what was lingering in that word that he hadn’t heard before.
….Relief?
His cheeks flushed slightly at the thought and the nearness of his beloved, and he found his eyes fixated on Kirito’s red, swollen lip.
“…it hurts.”
A small noise of surprise rose in his throat at the confession. Kirito never admitted to pain.
“I’ll take care of it,” he found himself saying before he thought better of it, his heart aching with the knowledge of the other’s discomfort, the nurturing urge within him even stronger than it had been earlier. “Why don’t you rest…”
Kirito continued to bear into his soul, eyes unblinking as he watched Aiji’s face. The brunette buckled under the scrutiny he’d never been so forthright about before, turning his face away and soon his body as well to hide his blush and accelerated breathing.
I’ll take care of it, I’ll take care of you….thank you for this chance…
He made his way back into the fairly large living room, giving a silent sigh of relief as he heard Kirito follow after him. The couch squeaked a bit as the vocalist’s body sank into it and Aiji paused to make sure he’d heard the noise right before he opened the door to the bedroom. The click of the television being turned on followed and Aiji entered the room.
Am I doing the right thing? he wondered hastily, body nearly collapsing against the door after he shut it.
His eyes closed.
What if I’m not? It’s so hard to read him when he gives me so little…There’s so much room for error when it comes to him, so many ways I can make him unhappy and so few ways I can keep him content. But I don’t have many options do I? I might as well go with what feels right. If I don’t understand him by now I never will, and that’s my fault. I can’t freak out like this every time something has to be done. It’s pathetic. He’ll either love me or hate me and either way it’ll be more than he’s vocal about now. And if not well my life is comfortable and I’d rather have that than not having him at all.
He opened his eyes and looked at the mirror across the room.
But look at me, look at what I want him to want…I’m so thin, so awkward, so childish with these clothes hanging from my frame the way they do….My female friends, they say I look better without the makeup, that I look softer and it matches my pretty voice, but all I look is weak to myself, emphasizing that jitteriness in my voice I can’t control. My shoulders are too large and my hips are too narrow and my legs are too long. And I can’t do anything about it. I’m an adult but I’m still caught in the web of adolescent gaucheness, so unlike him…I can’t control myself like he does, I have no mask to don for the unimportant…And when he takes to the mike he’s something else, isn’t he? Inducing everything from everyone, witty, commanding…He turns us all around and makes us smile, laugh, pour our hearts into it and go wild, the stage being the only place we can….I could never do that. Only follow because his flame is so bright. But at the end of it all it always seems like he’s the one who cares least, although I don’t mind that either. One has a right to regard whatever they create however they want, don’t they? Maybe that’s why he treats me the way he does. Maybe he knows how much I need him, how desperate my love is. I’m sure I throw myself at him anyways, it must be obvious…So long as he treats me like his music I should be grateful, knowing it’s something he’d never abandon. But still….I….I want the passion he unleashes there within me for once…I want him to close his eyes in euphoria because of my being, to write beautiful things knowing they can’t ever hope to compare with what he has, with how much I do for him….I know it’s selfish, I know it’s wrong, I just…
He placed a slender hand over his mouth in hopes of drowning the emotion welling within him.
I’ll just do it. I want him so much I’d risk anything.
~*~
Kirito dug his fingers in his eye, trying to get a grip on the slippery plastic there and remove it. He was in the midst of flicking his contacts, despite their price, uncaringly onto the carpet when Aiji stepped back into the room. The second one flew from his fingertip as he lifted his head.
Kirito’s eyes widened, something they hadn’t done in a long time.
Aiji tried to ignore the rare display of emotion flittering across the vocalist’s face, but he couldn’t. He wasn’t used to seeing anything real in Kirito’s face and now he was seeing something much too real, at too fast a pace for him to pinpoint what the other was feeling.
He’s upset, I know it…He’s going to start yelling at me….
Aiji tried to swallow the large lump stuck in his throat, but he couldn’t do that either.
Just go, just go to him and act as normal as possible….
He cradled the restless bundle in his arms more and strengthened his resolve as much as he could. He could, he would do this, for Kirito’s sake if not his own.
Their eyes locked, Kirito’s now blacker than coffee and pupils pinpointed in observation. Aiji walked towards him slowly, not wanting to make any mistakes in his presentation. Kirito just eyed him silently, as if Aiji had a gun pointed at his temple except without the fear. He watched as Aiji moved to stand before him, hesitating for a moment before he leaned inward and extended his arms in offering. Kirito mimicked his actions, eyes shutting as he felt the familiar sensation of muscle sliding along his arm, endeavoring to gather about his neck and shoulders to soothe his nerves. She was tense about something though; perhaps having been handled by an unfamiliar body. He opened his eyes again to see Aiji standing before him, looking at once demure, passive, and unsure of himself as usual. A doe about to bolt at the slightest sound. So intriguing.
“Shh…don’t be upset, it’s only Aiji,” Kirito murmured to the slick, scaled skin coiled about his collarbone and stroked his pet in reassurance.
Aiji wanted to faint at the subtle acceptance in that sentence, the ease in Kirito’s body, and the satisfaction gracing his features. He ventured to smile a small smile, then moved to sit back at his end of the couch before he ruined the moment. But he couldn’t take his eyes off of Kirito no matter how hard he tried, his eyes puppets to little strings of hope. He watched as the other’s body loosened to a sleep-like state, his eyes nearly shut as he stroked the cream and lemon form in a habitual manner.
Look at him….he’s so perfect, so calm…and maybe it’s real tranquility this time. Has anyone else seen him like this?
Aiji’s cheeks burned in pleasure and he wished he too could crawl into the redhead’s lap and just lay there, warmed by his body and his scent.
They stayed like that for awhile, both absorbed in their own thoughts as the TV rambled on at the low volume Aiji had set it at previously. Then Kirito held out his arm, causing the guitarist to wonder what he was doing until he saw the snake slither along it and onto the table beside the couch, her long body seeking movement and exercise after having been pent up all day. Aiji wondered if it was safe to let the snake roam about his apartment like that, but he figured Kirito wouldn’t let her do so unless he’d made sure there was nothing for her to injure herself on. He watched as the tip of her tail finally disappeared below the table, pace rather fast for what seemed like such a cumbersome body.
We’re alone again.
He stared at the floor and massaged his palm with the ball of his thumb out of anxiety. His heart jumped at the sound of Kirito turning off the television.
He’s never turned off the TV before.
The room grew silent, even though Aiji struggled to hear the sound of the snake moving seeing as she was so large -- any noise to take his mind off his pulse.
Something’s going to happen, isn’t it? Kirito and I…
He wanted to wait. He didn’t like initiating things but….he wanted to know so badly it was driving him crazy. Everything. About them, about him, about tonight….
“Did you teach him a lesson?” he asked softly, eyes still averted to the floor.
Kirito didn’t answer, baiting Aiji to look at him. Aiji struggled not to, but he hated silence as an answer when he knew Kirito had one. He gave in and looked up at the vocalist, who was already looking at him.
“Aiji….come here.”
His chest melted at that tone and he did as he was told, standing up and walking to Kirito’s side of the couch. He tried to dominate the anticipation whirling inside him as he stood quietly, eyes darting everywhere but his beloved’s eyes.
“Kneel,” he commanded, but Aiji thought he had fallen to his knees before he heard the word.
He felt Kirito’s hands on either side of his face, touch feather-light but warm and comforting nevertheless. Aiji’s body trembled as he shut his eyes, Kirito’s gaze too intense for him to handle. His head tilted back slightly as he felt Kirito’s fingers run through his hair, savoring the intimacy of such a wonderful feeling…He felt fingers tracing his lips, parting them slightly and dragging moisture across, urging him to take them into his mouth and suck until they too were shiny and wet….tracing his eyelids, caressing the sensitive skin there…sliding back down his distinct cheekbones and to his jaw…..
“I did…I taught him a lesson Aiji…”
The pressure behind his caress increased slightly.
“…I did it for you…”
Aiji felt himself nestling his face into Kirito’s palm in elation and uncontrollable sentiment.
“…No one touches my pets…no one…” Kirito whispered fiercely.
He cares, was all that pervaded his mind, he cares, he cares…..
“…Aiji…why are you crying? Do you want me to find Toshiya as well?”
Aiji’s eyelids flickered open as he felt the tears gathering in the corners of his eyes, on the brink of falling. He looked to the genuinely concerned expression on Kirito’s face and wanted to just die in his arms.
“No….no….I..”
He struggled to control his voice. One thought lay within his mind.
“..I…love you…..”
His heart beat erratically as he stared into those weary yet piercing eyes, shocked that he had just said what he did.
Please don’t reject me…hit me, beat me, anything just don’t reject me…I can’t take it….
“Aiji….”
Kirito’s hand caught his chin, and lips covered his own….he shut his eyes, shuddering at the perfect sensation. They didn’t kiss further, just froze as they were, breath escaping and slipping into each other’s mouths, enjoying the touch of skin against skin…
It must hurt him to do this, to press his injured lips against mine, and yet he’s doing it anyways….oh Kirito….
Kirito pulled back slightly.
“…it’s late.”
Aiji sat with his face cradled in Kirito’s hands for a moment longer, breathless.
….What does he mean?
He stood up shakily, Kirito’s eyes still on him as his grasp fell away. Aiji moved aside so that Kirito could stand up and walk to the bedroom. He briefly wondered again if it was okay to leave the snake out here, or if he should move to turn of the lights, or even if Kirito was going to get sick from having come home with wet hair during winter, afraid to face the fact that Kirito was taking him into his bed. But he found himself following, not wanting to disrupt the exquisite harmony that hung in the air, shutting the door behind him firmly.
Why am I..what is this? Am I scared? Why?
Kirito was standing beside the bed, pulling off his shirt and undressing himself.
I’ve never seen him without his shirt….I’ve never seen him without clothes…..I..I’ve never slept in the same bed as a man…What if he touches me? Wasn’t that what I’ve wanted all along? Then why am I getting scared? What if he…what if he…what if we…if…
He watched as Kirito tugged off his pants and how his boxers hung about his hips. He started taking off his own shirt.
…..if he wants me that way…if…I don’t know what it’s like, I can’t imagine….I see us like that but following one’s dreams through to reality….What if I can’t do it, or if I can’t take it or….Will he still want me? But I want him to do those things with me, I know I do…I can’t be scared or timid or flinch away from him…If it hurts well I’m not a child anymore. I can endure pain for the things I want now.
He walked over to the other side of the bed, stripping off his shirt and placing it gently on the floor, watching as Kirito lifted up the covers and got in.
I want him to derive pleasure from my body. I want to be the one who satisfies him.
He undid his jeans and pulled them off, then his socks, left in nothing but his boxers as well. Kirito stared at the wall as he slipped under the covers.
I want us to be so close nothing can break us apart. I want him to hold me like it hurts to let go.
He settled his body down into the sheets.
I want him to know his everything is perfect to me.
Aiji turned his body slightly, looking to Kirito in question of what was about to take place. The redhead kept staring for awhile, as if he didn’t know the other’s eyes were on him, then looked to Aiji out of the corner of his eye.
Does he want me closer?
Aiji shifted his body nearer, tentatively.
He’s not doing anything…what if….oh god what if he…just not my body…
He waited patiently, afraid of being right.
“Aiji…,” he said, still looking at the brunette from the corner of his eye, “I want to hold you…”
Is he….asking permission?
The vocalist’s eyes held an anxious softness about them.
Aiji moved closer as Kirito turned to face him, lifting his body a little so the other could slip an arm underneath. Kirito wrapped his arms around him loosely, as if afraid of holding him too tight, but their bodies betrayed their wants as their chests pressed against one another’s and Aiji buried his face in Kirito’s shoulder.
His skin smells so clean, so wonderful…
The lightly muscled arms slowly embraced him tighter, drawing him closer as Kirito placed a kiss on his forehead.
I’m in his arms, this is his skin before my vision….I want him….
Aiji’s lips parted and he found himself licking at the skin of Kirito’s shoulder.
I want him so much….
His lips followed his tongue and soon he was kissing the smooth flesh, but stopped as he felt the muscle tighten beneath his tongue.
“Aiji…don’t…”
His heart contracted painfully at those words.
After all…it’s not like that….
“I don’t want to taint you….”
……….What is he talking about?
Aiji pulled back so he could see Kirito’s eyes, but the shorter man was looking over and behind him, eyes fixed on some nonexistent point.
But Kirito….I….I want you to taint me, I want you to feel me, I want you it to be you…
He opened his mouth to speak but he felt fingers press against his lips.
“Go to sleep, please….”
What….?
Kirito’s eyes darted downwards to meet his and Aiji found he didn’t have it in him to question. Just obey. He shut his eyes and pressed himself closer to Kirito, curling himself against the strong body. He listened to the other man’s heartbeat for awhile, confused but still utterly content to be in such a situation with him. Spoiling it with analysis and self-consciousness was unnecessary…..
Eventually the gentle noise lulled him to sleep.
Kirito held him until he heard the rhythmic breathing of sleep, then disentangled himself to turn off the light.
~*~
Jun shot up in bed as the unnervingly familiar tremors coursed through the foundation of Hiro’s apartment.
Oh god, not an earthquake…
He felt his body trembling along with the bed, teeth chattering lightly in his mouth.
No not now, not when I’m with someone so important…
But no matter how hard he tried to subdue the fear prancing around within him like a jittered horse he couldn’t. The room was pitch black and the walls wouldn’t stop shaking and death seemed eminent. His hands patted the bed quickly, trying to find his lover in the darkness.
“Hiro?” he said rather loudly to be heard over the current clatter in the room.
His hands landed on Hiro’s back; the guitarist was rolled on his side with his back turned to him, soundly sleeping through the quake.
“Hiro?” he shook him a little, eyes darting everywhere nervously as the thick air around him seeming to vibrate as well.
“……nnnnn…”
“Hiro please wake up,” he shook harder, pushing the limp body back and forth.
“…huh….”
“Hiro please wake up there’s an earthquake…”
Jun?
The tone of Jun’s strained voice, once it permeated his brain padded by sleep, had him sitting up in bed quickly, reaching out for the other man blindly. His hands found Jun’s small shoulders and he kept them there.
“Jun?”
“Hiro the bed’s shaking!” he cried anxiously, as if he hadn’t lived in Japan all his life.
“Jun it’s just an earthquake, it’ll be gone in a few moments, relax…”
But Jun persisted, voice laced with urgency.
“Listen Hiro I know this sounds stupid but I’m really afraid of earthquakes, please don’t laugh, it’s been like this all my life oh god why won’t it stop???”
He shifted as close to the other body as he could, curling up against Hiro in a fetal position. The calm man could only blink numbly as he tried to comprehend what was happening, arms instinctually wrapping around Jun’s quivering frame.
“Don’t worry love, it’ll all be over soon….”
Jun moaned in agony and buried himself deeper into Hiro’s embrace.
“See look, the tremors are already dying down…Shh don’t be afraid, it’s nothing…..”
He stroked the soft strands of jet black hair repeatedly, waiting for Jun’s breathing to calm down more.
“Mou owatta ne Jun-kun….shinpai shinaide …..”
His body seemed frozen in the childlike state for silent moments on end, and Hiro wondered if he had fallen back asleep. He struggled to make anything out, craning his neck to peer downwards and into the mess of hair his boyfriend was unintentionally hiding in.
“…..Hiro?”
“Yes?”
“…..I’m sorry about that…..you must..must think I’m an idiot or something…..”
Jun’s head shifted a little bit as he fearfully looked up at Hiro in insecurity.
“Of course I don’t think you’re an idiot Jun, I was just surprised, that’s all,” he said in a soft voice, Jun’s body relaxing a little in his arms. “Everyone’s afraid of something right?”
“I guess it’s just that…no one knows…it’s so embarrassing, being so petrified about something I’ve experienced all my life….I’m always alone nowadays when they happen….”
Hiro could feel Jun’s blood rushing to the pale cheek pressed against his chest.
“Well don’t worry about it, when you’re with me you’re safe ne…” he murmured lovingly, placing a kiss on the top of Jun’s head, breathing in the fragrant strands.
“Un…..”
The both of them forgot about keeping neutral roles as Hiro cradled Jun in his arms tenderly and Jun let himself be held and comforted. Jun liked the warmth Hiro provided and the way it soothed his nerves and calmed his stomach like herbal tea….That Hiro wasn’t laughing at him for being scared and that he hadn’t acted strange about it at all.
He pressed himself closer to the man who seemed to provide whatever he needed whenever he needed it.
Here was acceptance and kindness, not bickering and refutation. It felt so good….he almost wondered how he’d survived without it. Jun sighed softly as nuzzled his face against Hiro’s chest, mind at ease and body aware of nothing more than every muscle in the other one’s pushing against his own.
…Pushing?
He moved his torso slightly and realized something was digging into his stomach that hadn’t been there earlier. Swallowing a little in unconscious understanding, but not entirely believing it, he tried to shift his arm in Hiro’s tight embrace to reach down and touch his stomach. His fingers had barely made it to his chest before he felt a slight dampness accompany the prodding sensation and knew for sure what it was.
“Hiro?”
The addressed kissed his ear, body moving a little and giving Jun the space he needed to maneuver his arm properly.
“Yes?”
The voice was rich with contentment.
.
“What’s this?”
Now it was Hiro’s turn to blush as a hand cupped his arousal. He pulled away from Jun’s touch, attempting to retreat into the darkness.
“I…I…The way you were clinging to me…I’m sorry, it’s nothing, I--”
But Jun’s hand followed in curiosity, fingers tracing lightly over the bulge.
“Jun don’t, you don’t have to, I don’t ne--”
He ended the protest in a small moan, the fingertips stroking with interest.
“Please don’t,” Hiro tried to protest once more before taking more drastic measures and removing the hand himself.
“Why? I don’t understand…don’t you want to be touched?”
“Jun….,” he began patiently, trying to keep himself from rubbing against the tempting palm.
“Doesn’t it feel good?”
“Listen it’s not that,” he began, gently removing Jun’s hand, but then realized he couldn’t explain things properly at all.
“Then what is it? Is it..me?” he asked softly, defense and hurt barely audible in his voice.
“No, no it’s not you, no Jun you know how much I like you…”
He could feel Jun’s hand resting stubbornly on his abdomen, dangerously close to the elastic of his pants and boxers.
“Then why won’t you let me….I just want to make you feel good….”
The fingers slid against his skin determinedly, creeping under the elastic and downward.
“I just want to see what it’s like to touch another man….”
Hiro’s heart clenched painfully at the words he’d heard before from another pair of lips.
“Please just let me touch you…,” he pleaded, hand already snug in the warm space between Hiro’s erection and his underwear.
What am I supposed to do? What can I tell him? I know he’s going to think this is about him if I say no…..Damn it.
Hiro hesitated as Jun waited for his permission to continue.
“……Okay….just…just touch for now okay? My stomach….,” he added in quite possibly the lamest and most embarrassing excuse he’d ever given in his life.
Jun kissed his neck in thanks and let his fingers explore, much to the other guitarist’s discomfort and pleasure. The skin was hot and supple, the territory not as unfamiliar as he’d imagine it to be, as he stroked tentatively, listening to Hiro’s breathing as a guide. In fact, he soon realized he knew exactly what he was doing and what felt best as his boyfriend’s hips pushed forward instinctively and thrust lightly into his grip. Perks of being with the same sex he guessed, liking the subtle empowerment that notion gave him. His other hand reached to pull down Hiro’s pajama’s more and free him from restriction.
“Jun….what…,” he murmured in half-hearted protest.
“I can’t touch with fabric in the way, that’s all…”
He stroked harder and Hiro mumbled something unintelligent in reply.
You do so much for me Hiro, I just want to repay the favor… Jun thought as his fingers wrapped around the shaft gently.
He moved his hand slowly up and down, testing to see how far he could get with “touching”.
Hiro’s fingers dug into his pillow.
“Jun….you’re…jerking me off….”
“……..And?” he asked with a small smile on his face.
“…don’t stop,” Hiro breathed back, smiling as he heard the amusement in Jun’s voice.
Jun did as he was told as Hiro wrapped his arms around his neck and moaned into his ear. With an increase of pace and a little lip-locking it didn’t take his boyfriend long to climax, seed spilling onto Jun’s hand and dripping onto the sheets.
“Oh god…,” he panted and then grabbed Jun’s face with both hands, planting a firm kiss on the cute lips residing there, “I needed that.”
Jun giggled. “No problem.”
“But um, about my hand…..”
Hiro’d forgotten about that.
“Just wipe it on the sheets or something…I’ll wash them tomorrow.”
He laid back against his pillow, still trying to catch his breath. His ears caught the sound of Jun trying to clean his hand off and then felt the boy move closer and resume snuggling against him.
Oh no you don’t…..
He placed a quick kiss against Jun’s cheek and then delved under the covers mysteriously.
“Hiro, what are you doing?!” Jun yelped in surprise as a tongue licked the inside of his thigh.
“Just returning the favor,” he called back, head lifting under the covers and giving the appearance of cheesy ghost costume.
“Just lie back and relax….”
~*~
“Shinya…Shinya…,” he groaned and ground his teeth at the sensations the younger man was putting him through.
“Louder Die…your voice…so…pretty,” Shinya panted back, a sweat drop rolling elegantly down the back of his neck.
“Shinya!” he cried as his lover forced himself deeper. “Shinya..the bed…the bed…it’s shaking,” he gasped out.
“I’ll buy you…a new…one…”
“No…I think-nnnnnnnn,” he hissed as something felt really, really good, “think it’s…an earthquake….”
“You want me to stop?” Shinya whispered with a drop of acid.
Die felt his stomach turn to konyaku jelly.
“…No…no…!!”
“Well then.”
Die clutched onto Shinya’s thin frame tighter, throwing back his damp mane of hair in ecstasy as he realized he’d gladly die like this.
~*~
Takeo rolled over and pulled a pillow that smelt distinctively like Kohta over his head. He didn’t bother opening his eyes, knowing they were sore from tears and would probably just burn.
Go ahead and kill me gods…, he thought bitterly while the fabric of reality frayed at the edges,
….I’m not worth that much anyways.
~*~
“Oh god…,” Toshiya moaned into the pillow, “I thought you were finished already Kaoru….I love you but if I come again I’ll die…..”
Kaoru hugged his limp body closer to him, the both of them still joined at the hip.
“I think I’m done for the night baby, what are you talking about…?”
The rocking soon became enough for Kaoru to feel it as well and his whole room started to shake.
“Oh, it’s an earthquake huh?”
“Unnnn…..,” the bassist groaned weakly. “Fuck off Mother Nature, my body can’t take anymore trembling….”
Kaoru laughed lightly and kissed Toshiya right below the ear.
“Are you sure? I’ve still got the sound of your last orgasm fresh on my memory….I could do with hearing it again.”
“Oh Kaoru stop it, I swear I’ll die….and then it’ll be necrophilia,” he said with a small laugh seeping out of his mouth.
That’s sounds like something one of those weirdos like Mana’d be into, he thought while laughing into Toshiya’s hair.
Then he stopped laughing.
That freak was with Toshiya wasn’t he….
“Hey baby I got a question….”
“Hmm?” Toshiya inquired over his shoulder as the two of them ignored the bed shaking.
“That guy Mana….he’s not better in bed than me, is he?”
Toshiya’s breath caught at the unexpected question.
Yabai….
He kept quiet and tried to act like he hadn’t heard Kaoru.
“Well?”
“Well what sweetheart?”
“Well is he better in bed than I am?”
The earthquake stopped.
“Is who better in bed than you love?”
“Mana. Is Mana better in bed than I am?” Kaoru asked again, a little unhappy that Toshiya hadn’t died from the absurdity of the notion yet.
“Mana?”
“Yeah Mana. You know, wears a lot of makeup, always in drag, thinks he’s a woman…that Mana.”
“Oh him…No of course not honey, he could never hold a candle to you.”
Or a whip, or a collar, or a leash or…Damn that was good wasn’t it?
“That’s what I thought.”
He sighed, pleased, and pulled Toshiya impossibly closer to him as if to mold their bodies into one.
Toshiya smiled guiltily.
Serves him right for tearing my ass up the way he did…….My baby and his ego….
His hand stroked a few of the long black strands of Kaoru’s hair falling over his shoulder.
…but I love him anyways….
~*~
Kirito stirred as the ashtray on his bedside table quavered alongside the wood, reaching the edge and clattering against the drawers as it fell to the floor. He sat up in bed and listened as various things within his room trembled and shook, including his bed, as the mild quake continued. In the morning she’d be hiding under the couch and he’d have to coax her out.
He sighed, not due to annoyance, but due to comfortable familiarity.
Then his gaze fell on the slumbering form still curled beside him, oblivious to the world possibly shattering around his thin body.
The epitome of unfamiliarity.
A lover.
~*~
Aiji felt warm lips against his.
Kirito.
Of course it was Kirito --- he hadn’t dreamed of anyone else’s lips in a long time. He mewled softly at the sensation, parting his lips and inviting his tongue in to slide against his own in passion. Kirito’s mouth was always a pleasurable haven, warm and slick, tasting abstractedly of clove and syrup in his mind. He adored the way the flavor would seep into his own mouth as Kirito caressed his tongue and mashed their lips together brutally, but this time something was different. His saliva wasn’t sweet like it should be. It was slightly bitter, laced with a flavor he hadn’t imagined before. It almost tasted like…blood.
Aiji opened his eyes.
Crimson light bathed half of the body on top of his, giving it slight definition in the otherwise pitch-black room. The combination of the heating lamp’s glow and the darkness of the room almost made the guitarist believe he was still dreaming, save for the very tangible sensation of weight pressing into his chest and stomach. He listened intently to the calm as his ears woke to the sound of another human breathing. Heavy lips descended on his own once more.
Oh god Kirito…it’s Kirito….it’s really him….
His breathing hitched as his heartbeat sped up considerably at the possibility of living any one of the fantasies he had stashed away in his mind in anticipation of this moment. He closed his eyes and let the vocalist languorously kiss him, wrapping his arms around his back reflexively. Reality was better than any dream as he fought for air while their lips locked, never wanting to break away from what the man was offering him. The taste may have been different, but it was distinctively Kirito, and Kirito was all he had ever wanted….He moaned more at the thought, body getting unbearably excited at the way the other man was pressing into him, stroking his tongue, making their bodies hot in the cold night air…
“Aiji…” Kirito whispered into the silence and his lover’s mouth, voice dripping with lust.
Aiji shivered at his tone as he felt something hard pressing against the thin fabric of his boxers, insistently pushing against the space between his legs. Uncontrollable tremors shot down his spine as he began to pant at the implication of the repeated movement.
He wants to take me, he wants to fuck me, oh god oh god…..
Kirito kissed and bit at the base of the brunette’s throat while his hand began tugging at the elastic of the shorts roughly. Aiji could barely control his shaking as he lifted his hips up a little so the other man could pull them completely off. He could hear the redhead struggle briefly to remove his own bothersome underwear and then…All of his senses heightened as Kirito’s weight settled back against him, at the feeling of the bare flesh of their legs rubbing against one another’s as Kirito nudged his legs further apart. He felt a hand snake beneath his slender neck and slide between his head and the pillow to grip onto his hair. Kirito’s other hand wrapped around his wrist and kept it pinned to the bed. Their lips met again in a bruising kiss.
Take me Kirito, take me, take me…
Aiji instinctively tensed up at the alien feeling of an erection pressing against such a sensitive place, but he forced himself to relax and take in everything but the strange sensation as Kirito persistently pushed his hips forward. The sheets he lay on that were permeated with Kirito’s scent, the exquisite lips that sucked hard at his throat, the silky skin of Kirito’s rarely exposed back….the darkness that consumed the both of them apart from their red shadows, the fact that no one knew that they lay here, doing what they were…
Aiji gasped and his eyelids fluttered open as he felt Kirito enter him.
….that Kohta had no idea how much Aiji needed his brother, how much his body ached to be ravished by Kirito like the man was doing now, that Takeo and Jun as well were naïve to it all, naïve to the perverse pleasure he was receiving…how no one knew, no one knew about his sinful desires except Kirito, how no one could reach them wrapped together in each other’s arms in their own beautiful, wicked world…
His body tried to reject the slow invasion but it couldn’t, and it took every ounce of his willpower to ignore the discomfort and relax his muscles again.
…All of you Kirito, I need all of you in me….You, the only one I’ll ever love…
It was slow, so agonizingly slow the dry penetration, that Aiji had almost forgotten about the foreign sensation as Kirito’s tongue played with his nipples, teasing and re-teasing them into contraction.
He moaned indecently, not caring if it was unbefitting of a man or not. This pleasure, the thought of Kirito possessing him like no woman ever could, like no other human ever could, was so much more than anything he had ever felt, more than the ache in his heart, his devotion, his loyalty, and he knew he could get off on that alone if given the chance.
“I’m inside of you, aren’t I,” Kirito’s warm breath said softly in his ear, jolting him back to reality.
Aiji could feel it now, that all of the other man was inside of his body, even though it seemed impossible. He briefly wondered if Kirito was really as big as he felt.
“Yes,” the guitarist replied shakily, blood deafening his ears, the eroticism of it all about to make him die.
“How does it feel?” he asked in the same intimate yet shiver-inducing tone.
“…Complete.”
“Why?”
“Because it’s you…”
Kirito kissed his ear in response.
“How does this feel?” the redhead inquired, then suddenly pulled most of himself out only to ram back in.
Aiji groaned at the sadistic movement in pain and disbelief, a sharp cramp forming amongst his tender insides. He wanted desperately to clutch his stomach in hopes of making the pain he’d never experienced before go away, but Kirito had one armed pinned and his body pressed too close against Aiji’s for the action to take place. He could sense amongst the indescribable throbbing that something in his body had changed, and he almost wanted to whimper in fear of what had happened.
“Well?” Kirito softly demanded, licking the earlobe so near to his lips.
“….Good…,” Aiji barely managed to force out without begging Kirito to make the pain stop.
“…anything you do to me feels good…”
Kirito felt Aiji’s short nails digging into his back and he smiled into the darkness.
“Aiji,” he began, slowly moving inside of the guitarist, still whispering in his ear, “do you know how long I’ve wanted to fuck you? How many times I’ve longed to hear you scream my name in ecstasy?”
His breathing became harsher and his thrusts stronger, but unlike the first one there was little friction. A small voice of common sense struggled to tell him it was probably blood easing the way but he ignored it for Kirito’s sake. Aiji shut his eyes tight to drown out the prominent cramp that still ached even though Kirito wasn’t forcing himself in deep enough to hit the same place again. He would rather slit his wrists than utter a single complaint…
“Kirito,” he moaned in pain and spiritual pleasure upon hearing the vocalist’s confession.
He felt the redhead’s stomach rubbing against his own hard-on and it felt like the nether regions of his body were on fire. How could another body do this to his, how could he feel the extremes of both heaven and hell at one time….The hand cradling his head tightened its grip.
“I know I shouldn’t be with you like this, I know I shouldn’t ruin you,” he panted louder, and Aiji wished he could see his eyes, “not you, not my pet…”
He thrust harder and let out a moan that mingled with Aiji’s sudden cry of pleasure, as the way Kirito plunged into him that time produced something other than pain. The brunette tried desperately to latch onto that wonderful feeling amongst the haze of needles inside him…
“….my perfect, perfect pet…”
His tongue ran over Aiji’s taut neck, creating a wet trail that mixed with the sweat present until he reached his cheekbone. Aiji’s head rolled to one side as his insides melted with love, lust, and longing to have his own sex caressed.
“Kirito…,” he whimpered into the oppressing quiet of the room that both he and Kirito were working to destroy.
“Tell me you want this Aiji, tell me…,” he demanded as he lifted his chest off of Aiji’s, disentangling his hand from the other’s hair so that he could pin both arms down.
“I need to hear you say it….”
He hung over the slender body, hair falling forward, frame silhouetted dramatically in the unnatural light. His chest heaved with desire and the effort it took to stop moving within his lover’s body and refrain from continuing. Aiji could see half a dark iris staring back at him coupled with lush lips awash in red and parted in arousal…and he knew then that nothing on earth could compete with Kirito’s beauty.
“I want this, oh god I want this…don’t stop Kirito, don’t ever stop….,” he whispered, voice suddenly becoming sodden with emotion.
The pressure disappeared from one wrist as he felt a hand wrap around his member.
“Aiji….”
Aiji cried aloud in rapture as Kirito ferociously shoved into him over and over again, hand working the brunette’s erection with almost as much force. The effort made his remaining grip on Aiji’s wrist weaken and the guitarist found himself throwing his arms around the vocalist’s neck.
Kirito was within him, Kirito was pleasuring him, Kirito was fucking him and he was Kirito’s….
“…don’t ever stop…,” he panted, “…don’t ever leave me, please….I need you Kirito, I need you, I need you!!!” he cried, it all becoming to much to bear, everything he had had to endure because he loved this man more than life itself, everything coursing through his veins right now-the pain, the pleasure, the intense satisfaction…
It all rushed to pool in his groin as he tensed beneath Kirito’s brutal caress for one glorious moment and came.
The orgasm was the strongest one he’d ever had, the cum spurting onto his abdomen thick and white, reaching up his stomach like milk spilled from a bottle. His organ pumped and pumped until Aiji thought ever last ounce of fluid from his body had been expelled, finally softening in Kirito’s grip after what seemed like an eternity. His eyes rolled back in his head as gentle waves of aftershock soothed his weary body and his hold on Kirito’s neck slackened considerably.
“Don’t…worry,” he heard Kirito’s voice pant brokenly into his ear, tense body still ramming into Aiji’s limp one to reach climax, “..don’t worry….From now on…you’re…mine…”
The deep voice spiraled upwards as he let out a passionate cry and came himself. Aiji watched from heavily lidded eyes as the body he adored so much froze and he felt the walls within him become soaked further, Kirito’s semen filling him with warm cream to mix with the blood. Then the firm body collapsed on top of his, skin flushed and hot with bliss. Kirito didn’t bother removing himself from the other man as he wrapped his arms around his waist and shifted them both onto their sides.
“My Aiji…” he murmured, a hand reaching up to brush away the damp hair clinging to his forehead.
Aiji could barely make out Kirito’s eyes, but his voice….that tone was more caring than he’d ever heard come from the vocalist before.
Oh god Kirito, I love you so much…so much it scares me…., he thought silently as a tear suddenly rolled down his cheek. He shut his eyes to prevent more from falling and gave thanks it was too dark for Kirito to see.
His heart nearly stopped as Kirito licked the tear away.
“It’s okay baby, I know….That’s why you’re mine…..”
He pulled Aiji close and the other man sobbed quietly onto his shoulder.
“……that’s why I love you too…..”
~*~
~*~
“Hiro darling wake up~~~ It’s time to go out with your favorite band and more importantly your favorite lead singer~~~,” a nasally voice crooned into the early morning air, the words almost visible in the cold room.
The lump of two bodies entwined in each other’s arms, blanketed by long black hair and a comforter, remained motionless.
“Hiro baby I said wake up,” the voice insisted, hands taking a firm hold on the comforter and ripping it off the mound of flesh rudely, “Shuse is getting hungry and you knowwwooOH MY GOD!!!”
Taka shrieked and backed away from the bed.
That noise woke Jun up, as well as the sudden draft torturing his near-naked body. He blinked sleepily and rubbed his eyes, sitting upright slightly and looking to Hiro automatically, wondering if he’d just been dreaming about a hawk getting poked in the eye or what. But his lover was still slumbering soundly, a hand automatically reaching for the comforter and dragging it back over their bodies. Jun figured he must have been imagining things and was about to go back to sleep before a very foreign voice startled him.
“Who the hell are YOU?! And what are you doing in my Hiro’s bed???”
Jun’s body automatically froze at the accusation and turned his head to see who had spit it at him.
A fairly tall, clean-shaven brunette stood near the bed, glaring at him like he could make his head explode if he concentrated hard enough. His hair was short and neat, his eyes a fake leaf green, his face shaped unusually for a Japanese man, body thin and clothed in a striped turtleneck and expensive looking pants. Jun squinted a little to make sure he wasn’t imagining the clothing.
The guy was either a fruit or French, and since there wasn’t a beret in sight…
…..or he was Taka, he realized, remembering the way the vocalist liked to dress to attract anything but women.
“E-excuse me?” he managed to whisper.
“You heard me boy, who the hell are you and why are you sleeping with my Hiro???”
His Hiro???
Jun kept his eyes on Taka, afraid of what the other man might do to him if he looked away, and gently shook Hiro’s body.
“Hiro….”
He was beginning to notice the man slept like the dead and at the worst of times too.
Taka’s eyes slit as he crossed his arms.
“Hiro wake up, there’s someone here….”
“….nnn….no earthquake now….”
“Hiro,” he shook harder, “I know, but someone’s here…”
“…..nnnnrrrrrhhhhhnn….”
“Hiro,” he bent down and whispered curtly into the man’s covered ear, “Taka is here and he is going to kill me if you don’t wake up this instant.”
Hiro’s eyes fluttered open.
“Whaaaaa?” he yawned sleepily, propping his body up on an elbow and looking to Jun, who in turn pointed to Taka.
Hiro looked to the irritated man and groaned, elbow giving way as he flopped back onto bed and closed his eyes.
“Hiro who is this boy?” he inquired again, emphasizing the last word like Jun was some twelve year-old.
“Taka…,” the rest of his sentence drifted into obscurity as he wrapped an arm back around Jun and buried his face back into the inviting pillow.
“What?”
“I said fuck off,” he mumbled louder and yawned again, pulling the covers over his head to end all conversation.
By now Jun was thoroughly confused. Here was a man he had never met before, standing in his boyfriend’s apartment, when technically the door had been locked, demanding to know why he was sleeping in the same bed as his lover, as if the spot was reserved for himself. And on top of that, Hiro was writing off the odd situation as nothing. Either he had just been sucked into another dimension, or Hiro hadn’t told him something important.
Something very important.
“Hiro I demand to know who this boy is right now or I will bring Levin and Shuse in here to jump on the bed until you talk,” he threatened seriously, eyes fixed on the sleepy mound.
“Umm, my name is--”
“You shut up, I don’t want to hear anything from you,” Taka practically hissed, eyes glancing back at Jun.
Jun got quiet at that. This was not like any Taka he’d ever imagined.
Hiro groaned again and threw the covers off his head, sitting up a little so he could duel things out with his vocalist.
“Don’t you talk to him like that Taka,” he said in a low, clearly angry voice.
“Why not? He’s just your new pet. This one not disease-ridden or something?” he asked caustically.
“His name is Jun, Taka; he’s not my new pet, he’s my boyfriend and you can go to hell if you don’t like it.”
Taka eyed Jun as if he was sizing him up, but remained silent at Hiro’s tone of voice.
“Jun,” he began, holding a hand out towards his seething band member, “this is Taka. Please ignore anything he says. He’s just jealous of you because he wants me and he can’t have me.”
Jun blushed lightly at Hiro’s bluntness and looked hesitantly to the brunette. A light shade of pink was blemishing the crests of his cheeks and he refused to look back at Jun.
“I’m uhh pleased to---”
“Oh shut up,” Taka spat agitatedly like a teenage girl.
Jun’s mouth nearly fell open in shock but before anything more could be said, the bedroom door swung open.
“Hey Taka what’s taking so long I -- whoa hello who’s that?” Shuse inquired rather loudly, head peeking around the door with a cowboy hat placed precariously on top of it.
“Shuse this is Jun, Hiro’s new boy toy. He’s the reason you haven’t been fed yet,” he said loftily right before a pillow coming from Hiro’s direction smacked him in the face. He let it slide to the floor and pretended nothing had happened.
“OOOOOO HIRO HAS A NEW BOYFRIEND!!!!!” Shuse cried excitedly, voice echoing throughout the room and the rest of the apartment.
Loud shuffling could be heard in the kitchen as what sounded like a stampede of elephants gained on the unsuspecting bedroom door, Levin yelling “I wanna seeeeeeee!!!!” the whole way.
Koji and Levin pushed Shuse through the door and practically fell on top of him in Levin’s haste to see the newcomer, his small hand latched onto Koji’s wrist and dragging the guitarist in with him. Apparently he’d forgotten his own strength as he pulled Koji harder than he thought and a law of motion was enacted, sending the poor man flying into Shuse as Levin stopped running abruptly. Shuse stumbled forward at the impact, trying to steady himself by using Taka’s body, but instead because he was the bigger of the two tackled Taka and sent him face first into the floor. Taka in turn cursed loudly at the indignity and Hiro began laughing.
Jun watched the scene in disbelief, wanting to laugh himself but not doing so out of fear that he would start crying, because things had become just too damn weird.
“And this,” Hiro said through his laughter, extending his hand towards the tangled mess of bodies and a brightly smiling Levin, “is La’Cryma Christi.”
Jun smiled nervously as Levin tilted his head to one side and waved.
“I’m Levin, the smallest and cutest drummer in the world!” Levin announced happily. “Welcome to the family!”
Shuse stood back up and brushed himself unnecessarily off, making a big fuss of adjusting his clothing and his beloved cowboy hat.
“I’m Shuse on bass.”
He grabbed a hold of his belt with one hand and the front of his hat with the other, doing his best John Wayne impersonation.
“The cool one.”
Koji finally pushed himself off the floor once Shuse’s foot wasn’t in his face any longer. He made his way to Taka to help the vocalist get off the floor as well, holding out a hand which the other latched onto gratefully. Eventually everyone was on their feet again and the vocalist didn’t waste a second reintroducing himself.
“You know who I am and I hate you. I also happen to be the vocalist for all this talent, including Hiro’s.”
Koji sighed.
“Koij, guitar, the normal one. Sorry to wake you. Sorry Hiro, we wouldn’t have come if we’d have known. And I wouldn’t have let Taka come in either. Sorry buddy.”
Hiro waved away his apology.
“S’ok, I shoulda called.”
He wrapped his arm around Jun’s bare shoulders.
“Say hello to the crazy people sweetheart.”
Jun was speechless until Hiro’s eyes met his and he squeezed his shoulder reassuringly.
“Anooo….I’m Jun, the guitarist from Pierrot….Nice to meet all of you,” he said smiling weakly.
Shit like this NEVER in a million years ever happened to his band…
They all nodded politely towards him except of course for Taka. Then something dawned on Shuse.
“I knew it! I knew I knew you! Pierrot huh? You know Takeo?” Shuse asked eagerly, cowboy façade aside.
Koji groaned.
“Shuse, I don’t think Jun wants to listen to this kind of crap first thing in the morning…”
“Hey what’re you calling crap? This is my love we’re talking about…”
“Jesus Shuse don’t tell me you want anything to do with those lowbrow losers,” Taka said, a conversation rapidly forming.
“Wait what are we talking about?” Levin asked.
“Rebi don’t you ever snap out of Happy Land for a second? Shuse has only been whining about Takeo for the past 3 months…” Koji pointed out.
“Takeo is my soul mate thank you very much, I have a reason to pine for him.”
“Shuse you talked to him for about 20 minutes and if I know you like I think we all do you were the one probably talking the whole time.”
“Oh is Takeo their drummer? He’s good, I noticed that.”
“But he’s ugly as fuck,” Taka retorted.
“Shut up Taka! Not everyone can look like lover boy Gackt okay?”
“No but they should.”
The whole band rolled their eyes at Taka’s well-known idolatry.
“Okay not like I agree with Mr. Gackt Should Be God over there, but I gotta say, maybe you should stick to the ones that at least look like girls Shuse. It would, uh, be better for your image or something….”
“Koji’s right,” Levin piped up, “if you two got married who would wear the dress?”
“Levin homosexual marriages still don’t exist in Japan,” Taka corrected, “Or else Hiro here would be my husband.”
Another expertly aimed pillow flew through the air but this time Taka side-stepped it.
“But still! Dresses are important! They’re pretty….”
“I’d wear the dress for him if he wanted me to,” Shuse said with wistful eyes.
Hiro put a hand over his mouth to stop from laughing and Jun leaned over to whisper in his ear.
“Hiro, do they even know Takeo’s not gay?”
He snorted.
“No, but trust me, nothing stops Shuse once he gets going….”
Jun nodded dumbly as his ears picked up on Levin discussing what colors were best for spring weddings and Shuse rambling on about slaying dragons for some reason.
“Shuse dragons don’t exist anymore and even if they did there’d probably be a law against slaying them. Or they’d all be in zoos or something.”
“Oh my god Shuse wouldn’t ever kill anything in the zoo! That’s horrible! Say you wouldn’t kill anything in the zoo Shuse,” Levin pleaded.
“I wouldn’t kill anything in the zoo. Unless they put Ryuichi in the monkey compound.”
Koji started laughing until he looked at Hiro sitting patiently with his arms around a bewildered Jun.
“Hey guys, c’mon, let’s continue this at the restaurant and let Hiro get back to sleep.”
He turned to face the two in bed.
“We’ll all go out for dinner this week or something instead ne Hiro-kun? And you’re invited too Jun.”
“Tch, not if I have anything to do with it,” Taka mumbled under his breath and Shuse punched him in the arm.
“Takeo can come too if he wants. Tell him I said hi, and that he forgot to give me his number before he threw my cell phone in the toilet. And that my number is 090-2657-8954. And that it’s on all the time or to leave an email. Oh and that my chakumero is Frozen Spring and that I like long walks on the beach and cuddlin---”
Koji put an arm around Shuse and started guiding him to the door.
“We’ll catch you guys later. Nice meeting you Jun, really,” he smiled amiably.
“Really really!!!” Levin cried joyfully and helped push Shuse out the door.
“And tell him I believe in love at first sight! And that fate works in strange ways! And that--- ”
“C’mon Shuse, I’m sure he’ll tell him,” Koji grunted as he put all of his weight into pushing the body barricading the doorway through it.
“And thaaaaAHHH!” the bassist cried as Koji finally shoved him through and into the living room. Levin hopped in after him to make sure he was okay.
“C’mon Taka, let’s go.”
Taka took one last look at Hiro holding Jun and the smiles on their faces.
“Hnn…I still don’t like you but you’re better than The Bitch.” He readjusted the collar around his neck. “See you soon Hiro.”
Koji rolled his eyes as Taka swayed through the door with his head held high.
“Bye you guys,” he said before shutting the door behind him.
There was muffled shouting, cursing and laughing from the behind the door for awhile, but eventually the troupe found their way out the front door.
Hiro sighed and hugged Jun.
“That was my family. Please get used to them, they’re around a lot. And they don’t mean any harm either, despite the way they behave. Especially the way Taka behaves. He’s been around Gackt too long or something, I don’t know.”
He ran a hand through his wild hair.
“Sorry about that, I totally forgot we were supposed to be going out to breakfast together or else I would have begged them not to show up….You know, we’ve all got keys to each other’s apartments so there’s not much I can do if I forget to ring…you know how it is.”
Jun nodded sympathetically although he had no idea how it was. He was the only one who had a key to his apartment.
“I uh, wanted you to meet them in a better setting than that….”
“It’s okay….just you know, not used to this kind of stuff,” Jun said with a smile and a small laugh.
“Thank you for not freaking out on me, I appreciate it.”
He looked fondly at his boyfriend and the smaller man wanted to melt.
“No problem….although who’s The Bitch?”
“Eeeeehhhh….That’s what Taka calls Toshiya. But that’s the closest thing he’ll say to a compliment so I guess you pass the La’Cryma Christi Inspection Test…Not like it matters because you’re perfect to me.”
He kissed Jun’s forehead as Jun absently wondered why anyone would call Toshiya that….
“You want breakfast or should we attempt to get back to sleep?”
Jun zoned back in.
“Either’s fine….”
“Sleep it is then.”
Hiro snuggled back under the covers and pulled Jun with him.
“I promise no more surprises for the rest of today. Just you and me if you’ve got the time,” he said with a small yawn.
“Yokatta…”
He felt Hiro’s arms wrapping around his body again as the other got comfortable.
“I love you,” he murmured sleepily.
“I…love you too Hiro…”
Hiro sighed contently and nestled his face in the crook of Jun’s neck.
I just wonder what I’ve gotten myself into here…..
~*~
Shinya groaned and rolled over, flinching away from the sunlight inside of his eyelids and trying desperately to shove his head under the pillow he was laying on and just die because the little oni dancing around in his head seemed to be singing a Stomp rendition of The Song That Never Ends on repeat. Off key to boot.
Terribly, maliciously, unbelievably off key…..
“ThIs Is ThE sOnG tHaT nEvEr EnDs….”
DIE you little bastards, he hissed mentally and slapped at them with his hand.
“CuZ iT gOeS oN tO aLl My FrIeNds….”
DIE right now before I open a can of Whup Ass on the lot of you…
“SoMe PeOpLe StArTeD sInGiNg It---”
DIE DIE DIE!!!
“-NoT kNoWiNg WhAt WaS---”
DIE DIE DIE!!! he yelled again, this time stamping his foot down on as many as he could get.
“---AnD tHeY cOnTiNuEd sInGiNg It---”
Fuck OFF!!! DIEEEEEE!!!!! His mental voice was getting hoarse as the clashing and stomping and the singing that reminded him vaguely of Toshiya’s voice continued relentlessly, more little demons appearing to replace those killed.
“---FoReVeR jUsT beCuZ…”
DIE DIE DIE…
“Die….die….” he mumbled into the mattress, long nails digging into the sheets, “…die….”
“Whazzit baby…” a very sleepy, coarse rendition of Die’s voice mumbled back.
Shinya’s eyes flew open like Puppy had just been thrown from a cliff before him. The racket in his head stopped for one divine moment as his blood froze.
Tangled, red hair glared back at him, some of it matted against Die’s angelic face with fresh drool.
Breathe Shinya, he told himself, breathe first, then figure this out….
“….Nothing sweetheart,” he forced out meekly, “go back to sleep…”
The guitarist grunted and threw an arm out, groping around for Shinya’s body. The brunette pulled back a little, just out of the reach of Die’s fingers and the barely conscious man soon gave up, falling back to sleep with an almost audible ‘thud’.
Continue to breath Shinya, he repeated over and over to himself, breathing being near impossible for some reason, and then…then….
PANIC.
What the hell was he doing in Die’s bed? Why the hell did Die call him baby? Why did he smell like he’d been slathered in Die’s saliva? Why had the oni stopped singing and started laughing?
Why was he NAKED????
As if to answer, a mental picture of Oggly holding up a little beer mug and little bubbles with KA, N, PA, I floating above his weird eyeballs appeared.
Shinya groaned.
He’d been drinking. Again.
Fuck.
Wouldn’t he ever learn? He was the only person he knew who’d never smoked dope in his life but managed to have the memory of a pothead whenever he drank. Alcohol always endeavored to clear out his brain and place a big ‘SCENE MISSING’ sign in place of whatever memories he was supposed to have. And he didn’t even want to think about what had happened this time…
He started chewing on his bottom lip in anxiety.
The thing was he really did like liquor a lot. It helped loosen him up and forget his worries like it did to most people. And from what his band mates kept telling him, he needed to loosen up, big time. But it was because he liked liquor as much as he did that this always happened…He knew his tolerance was basically shit, but once he got started, it was like he couldn’t stop…and by the time he had he was so loose he was doing things that planted him in situations like the one he was in now. And even though he was quite aware of the problem, it never stopped him from drinking with the band…They just seemed so happy when he’d agree to do something with them, Die especially, that he couldn’t say no….And the next day they were always saying how great it all was and how much fun he was and how they should do it again as soon as they had time, so he figured nothing too bad was going on….
Until he’d started waking up beside Die….
He almost wanted to cry from frustration. How he always ended up with the guitarist he had no idea. What they’d done together he didn’t know either. It wasn’t sex though, his body always knew that, which was why he probably stupidly but conveniently forgot about the inevitable ending up together when he went out with the guys. He guessed he was always in his bed because Die was trying to be a gentleman or something, even though it seemed like a pretty lame excuse. Die wouldn’t take advantage of him in an intoxicated state. Well he didn’t think so at least. He was starting to have suspicions (seeing as him being bare-assed naked in his bed this time wasn’t pointing towards the positive), but he was so afraid to be around Die when he was sober he could hardly just ask him. That would be…weird. And him and Die were already weird as it was. He liked Die. A lot. He was light-hearted and carefree for the most part and that kind of personality fascinated Shinya because he himself couldn’t pull it off. But…he was a man. That didn’t sit too well. He had the same parts as Shinya and a deep voice and it was just…he didn’t know exactly what it was, but it was scary. Shinya had had his fair share of men hit on him, and he’d even tried dipping a toe or too in the waters of a homosexual relationship so he could try and get used to it all, but….He didn’t think he’d done that sort of stuff with anyone, or could do it. Or at least he didn’t remember if he did.
He whimpered into the pillow.
He was so stupid! He never remembered anything! Just events that didn’t involve any form of liquor at all…What if he was living some sort of double life? This whole forgetfulness thing didn’t seem so strange at first, but now he was starting to worry….But his friends would say something, wouldn’t they? Him and Toshiya were pretty close; he didn’t expect the bassist to hold out on him…At least Totchi didn’t seem to have a problem with holding out when it came to sex, having told Shinya every sexual position he’d ever been in and various other facts he considered as ‘helpful hints’ that Shinya considered a bit…graphic at best.
At least he knew what to do with a man if the time ever arose, he thought dryly.
And he really wanted to do those sorts of things with Die, so much it hurt. He’d only tested the waters with other men so that he could one day present himself to the guitarist, but so far it still seemed impossible. He was still too shy and too nervous and ugh it was like women all over again….which was why he’d taken to drinking in the first place and ARGHHHH!!!! It all just fucking sucked!!!
Okay Shinya, okay, you can do this. Just think about everything you did yesterday and it will all fall in place.
He sat up in bed quietly, trying not to disturb the slumbering form beside him.
Yoshi. He got up early because they had a photo shoot with Fool’s Mate. So far so good. Ate an egg, rice, and miso soup - cooked the egg this time. Okay. Die picked him up on time. They went to get everyone else. Kyo was cranky, Toshiya was horny, and Kaoru was a bundle of nerves as usual. Went to the building, arrived on time. Yeah. Got made up by the artists, everyone started falling asleep again, Kyo ran out of cigarettes and nearly killed a staff member. Then there was a change of plans. The interview was for Kyo only. Everyone dressed down, Kyo redressed. Kyo slipped into Abused and Agitated Animalistic mode. Kaoru gets pissed with staff, everyone starts walking on eggshells. Okay, he remembered all that perfectly fine. Everyone watches Kyo practically knife the interviewer repeatedly, afterwards everyone heads back to Die’s car. Then Pierrot shows up. Insert brawl scene. Take Kyo to hospital. Take Kyo out of hospital. Stop and everyone’s apartment so that they can change and won’t back out of drinking. Drop car off, call taxi…
Dammit he remembered everything fine!
…eat a late lunch. Then go to bar. Start drinking. Die gets really sweet and offers to buy his drinks for the night. Everything seems okay. No one’s fighting anymore. Toshiya and Kaoru start kissing on one another. Drank some more out of depression. Then….
His brain crunched.
Then….okay then….Kyo isn’t happy….leaves…then…Pierrot shows up? Wait, that didn’t make too much sense. But for some reason he had an image of the band or a few of the members of something in his head….then Emiru? What the fuck? He must have been really drunk to start imagining other bands…Emiru and that time he nearly got jumped by him…..then……uhh…..errrr…
He squeezed his brain cells as hard as he could.
….someone else was upset, but Kyo was already gone…..then bright lights…something about a game and Die’s goldfish….oh god that didn’t make sense at all….then….the bed…..He remembered the bed. Something must have happened. Die and him…..Die said something…. ‘I love you Shinya’?… No, that wasn’t it….just wishful thinking…. ‘Fuck me’?
He blushed until it reached his collarbone.
Die would never say something like that…but why could he practically hear Die’s voice saying those words? And he…why would Die say that? And more importantly, what did he say?
Shinya tried to dredge up memories of his own voice.
………….. ‘….love you too…’
He looked to Die’s sleeping body, wondering why nothing made sense. He couldn’t have said that, no matter what garbage his mind wanted him to believe. He must have just fallen asleep on Die’s bed or something. That had to be it. But….
Shinya groaned again and sank further down into the warm cotton sheets, body slumped in defeat.
He might as well go back to sleep, this was so hopeless…
He took a hold of the covers and pulled them over his body as he rolled over and away from Die.
Ow! What the fuck?
Something hurt as his body shifted and it seemed dangerously as if it had been his penis.
Praying that Die would sleep through anything, he snuck another peek at the lifeless form and then looked under the covers at himself. Well, everything looked normal enough for waking up naked beside a fellow band member. Not only did he have a bitch of a hangover but now he was imagin---wait a fucking minute!!!
His eyes narrowed as he eyed the inside of his thigh, where a large, blackish-purple welt resided. He tried twitching the muscles of his groin, then groaned again as he realized the soreness was very, very real, and that…… oh my god HE’D FUCKED DIE!!!!!
Shinya panicked again, gaze alternating between his crotch and the sleeping guitarist.
Oh god oh god what the fuck happened last night??? That meant his memories were partially correct and that OH SHIT he’d said he’d loved him!!! No!!!! How could he have been so stupid??!! He had to get out of here, now. He couldn’t be here when Die woke up, no way. Oh god what had he done to their relationship…
He started moving to get out of the bed as fast as he could, trying to remember where his clothes might be, but in his haste pulled the sheets hard enough to jostle Die. Shinya froze as he heard the deep voice start up.
“Shin-chan….mmm…love…,” his eyes opened a crack, only to find empty sheets beside him. That woke him up pretty fast.
“Shinya?” he said with alarm, sitting upright quickly and ignoring the pain the movement caused. He wiped the sleep out of his eyes and saw the naked boy standing beside his bed, face hidden in his hair.
“Shinya why are you getting out of bed?”
“I…..,” he tried to think of a lie.
“What?”
“…need to go to the restroom….”
But Die wasn’t about to fall for any lies when he’d put up with one too many mornings like this to begin with.
“Then why won’t you look at me? You were going to leave again, weren’t you?”
Shinya shifted a bit on his feet but wouldn’t answer.
“Weren’t you?”
Die sighed irritably and tried to run a hand through his hair, only to stop halfway due to knots.
“Dammit Shinya I thought we established we love each other?”
….they’d said that?
“Listen, I know it’s a little embarrassing, but don’t feel that way….come back into bed.”
He stood perfectly still, petrified by something that significant happening without him fully knowing.
“Shinya…..,” Die’s tone changed, “….you meant what you said, didn’t you?”
But what had he said? He didn’t even know….
“Die….I’m sorry,” he whispered back.
I’m sorry I’m so pathetic….
He saw his pants on the floor and walked hurriedly around the bed to grab them. Die lunged to get a hold of Shinya before he could leave the room, but ended up wincing as unfamiliar pain and soreness shot up his backside and slowed him down. Shinya was out the door before he could even call his name.
“Shinya…..FUCK!” he cried, slamming his fist into the mattress.
He slumped back into the pillows and buried himself back under the covers, trying to ignore the feeling that he wanted to cry.
~*~
Kohta watched Takeo’s peacefully sleeping form and he didn’t have the heart to wake him up, even though it was well past time for breakfast.
He needs the rest, doesn’t he…..We’ll just make it lunch instead. And I’ll cancel the movie with my girl and make it for tonight.
He realized the curtains to both the windows were open and light was streaming in. As quietly as he could he walked over to pull the chords and give Takeo darkness to continue his dreaming in peace, whatever his dreams may be.
I wonder…My dreams, I can’t see them. But yours….I hope you find some relief. I hope there you know yourself better than you do when you wake. And I hope they guide you to an answer you’re satisfied with….
He looked to the clock beside the bed.
I should eat something myself shouldn’t I? Put a new set of batteries in Sepia…Maybe I should let Takeo take her home for a bit? Give him some company while he thinks. That time Aiji took her home he almost refused to give her back…That was cute, he’s just a big softy no matter how he talks…Oh that’s right!
Once more he looked over Takeo’s curled up body to make sure he was okay.
I said I’d call huh, or he said he’d call…And I’m not gonna be here for the rest of the day really….Maybe I should call now, make sure things are okay, make sure some other emotional disaster hasn’t occurred within my own band…
He sighed and crept out of the room, gently shutting the door behind him.
I should talk to him about this, about Kirito….Maybe he can help me stitch this band back into one piece. Or at least start….Talking’s better than nothing right?
Hands reached out to pick the silver dog from her resting place.
Your first girl, then we’ll give Aiji a call ne? And then let’s see if you can remember some tricks to cheer Takeo up….
~*~
You make my heart ache, you know that? To look at you…People can say your face looks like a thousand others without the makeup but to me every line is unique, every line cries beauty….You make me want to settle down you know….Crazy huh? Someone like me doing something like that…..But the way you look at me….I know time’s passing and I know we’re both afraid…I don’t care though, a conventional life never suited me to begin with. I want you and I always get what I want….Isn’t that right baby?
He swept a few of the violet strands away from Kaoru’s forehead.
Skipping from pool to pool is fun for awhile, but I think I’m ready to settle down in a nice hot spring for the rest of my time….We’ll be together for a few more years in this business, but after that I still want to be the one your eyes flirt with offstage….The rest of them, they’d laugh wouldn’t they, to think that I’ll never grow out of this “stage”, that despite these masculine hands I’ll still be wearing Vivian Westwood scarves when I’m past your age….I don’t care about others as long as you still find me to match the many words of praise you’ve always whispered into my ears….
Toshiya sighed as he gathered the long strands of obsidian away from his lover’s neck and habitually began braiding them while he slept.
I even smell like you, you touch me so often….I always think you’re near even when you aren’t, your scent always curling around my neck like some mink shoal…And you, you bear my marks all over your body….The crescents of red, the starbursts of indigo and gold …..Die teases you about your neck and the necklaces I place there, the makeup artists always scolding you about giving them extra work….
He smiled.
A hellion you called me….Well I’m yours to tame love, don’t you forget it…..
Chocolate irises inspected the exposed flesh of Kaoru’s pale neck with satisfaction.
My handiwork, my right because I give you what you want in return…
His fingers ran along the discolored skin tenderly.
Wait.
His eyes narrowed as he looked below Kaoru’s ear and the corner of his jawbone, fingers pulling the hair away as much as he could.
That’s….not….mine….
~*~
Kirito stretched an arm out of bed agitatedly, hand slamming into his bedside table repeatedly as he tried to find his cell phone without moving more that he had to. Whoever was calling him on a Sunday afternoon was in for it. He located the small piece of intricate plastic, flipping the bottom half open with his thumb.
“Who is it?” he growled sleepily, then remembered Aiji was in his bed and hushed his voice more.
“Kirito?”
“Yes?”
“It’s Kohta.”
“Great. What is it?”
“Listen I’m sorry to wake you, but you wouldn’t happen to know where Aiji is? I’ve been trying to get a hold of him but….”
Kirito looked to the sleeping form clinging to him.
“He’s here.”
“Oh, he didn’t come over last night?”
God Kohta you’re such a moron, what the fuck would I be doing asleep if he showed up today?
“No, he came.”
He was growing impatient. He needed to go back to sleep.
Kohta’s end grew quiet for a little bit.
“….He spent the night?”
“No he flew through my window this morning Kohta. Don’t be an idiot.”
Aiji stirred at the venom in Kirito’s voice, blinking sleepily and readjusting his hold on the vocalist’s body.
“….oh…sorry. Anoo, alright yeah don’t tell him I called. I don’t want to bother him.”
“Okay…”
“And you’re okay right? Are the stitches still in place?”
“Kohta…,” Kirito began with an irritated tone of voice.
Aiji’s eyes opened at his friend’s name and he looked up at Kirito, who stroked his hair idly in response.
“Okay, I guess I’ll let you get back to whatever you were doing….Sorry for the interruption.”
“Thank you for your permission Little Brother, it means so much to me…And tell the others we don’t have practice tomorrow.”
“….Eh? Why?”
“Because we don’t have practice tomorrow. See you on Tuesday,” he finished and hit the ‘end message’ button.
Aiji watched as Kirito threw his keitai on the floor and laid back against his pillow, eyes already shutting in preparation of sleep.
“….Kirito?” he asked gingerly.
“Un.”
“What did Kohta want?”
Kirito didn’t answer and Aiji wondered if he’d already fallen back to sleep. But the redhead’s thin eyebrows furrowed ever so slightly and Aiji felt the fingertips on his shoulder dig lightly into his skin.
“…You.”
Aiji kept quiet, trying to yet again to distinguish what he’d just heard in the other’s voice.
Jealousy?
Did Kirito know him and Kohta were friends? And would that pose a problem? Everyone knew how blatantly affectionate Kohta was towards his brother but Aiji didn’t know much about how Kirito felt…And Kirito had right to tell him what he liked and didn’t like now that they were, well…together….He wondered how much things were going to change, and if they were going to affect the band in any way…How would they act in public? Would people know they were a couple? He still didn’t think he had the entitlement to fawn over Kirito like Toshiya did over his boyfriend, even though he wanted to…Maybe that was what Monday was for, so they could explore what they’d created…
His eyes drifted over his lover’s sleeping body.
I don’t mind being lead, not if it’s by him…I see his splendor and I know it’s capable of taking care of us both. I meant what I said last night, anything you do to me feels good Kirito….
He snuggled against the warmth emanating from his body, knowing the sensation could never cease to delight him.
Don’t stop looking to me and I’ll never leave….
~*~
Kohta smiled his wide, crooked smile as he placed the phone back on the receiver.
Finally.
~*~
He could sense that he was breathing. That he was laying down. Everything was black, like he was sleeping, but his mind seemed to be awake. Awake, yet nothing would move like the human body instinctually commands upon awakening. His eyes wouldn’t open, his limbs wouldn’t budge, his breathing wouldn’t change…What had happened to him? What was wrong?
Just as he started to panic, he shot up in bed, gulping down a lungful of air as his eyes flew open.
Kyo put a hand to his chest, where his heart was beating rapidly, so fast it seemed unnatural and dangerous. Slowly he looked around, trying to calm down and get his heartbeat under control. He was in his bedroom. Light was peeking through the curtains. The heater was on. Nothing seemed strange.
He fell back into his pillow with relief.
It felt like he’d been dead, or sleeping for much too long a time. His body had never reacted like that before.
4:45pm.
What day was today?
The last day he remembered was…..Saturday.
Perhaps today was Sunday. It was odd for him to not remember. Even when he slept through days he knew the date. Had something happened?
Waves of sensation lapped against his consciousness, but they were too obscure for him to grasp.
Like when I have a dream, there’s always that imprint, even if I can’t see it clearly…
A dream was it?
Kyo absently scratched at his chest.
Such a strange feeling for only a dream…
He realized that while his fingers were still scratching at dry skin, they felt wet. He brought his hand to his face.
Blood….
He looked down at his body, half covered in sheets.
Cuts riddled the visible skin, the deeper ones shades of dark red, the more shallow turning brown already. What wasn’t marred by incision was pink and sore, cells exhausted from the healing process and itching in fatigue.
He threw the sheets off of him.
Down down down the cuts went, all the way to his boxers. So many it was amazing.
He flexed his abdomen muscles.
And they hurt too, too raw to let him ignore them, like they were festering but he could see they weren’t.
And what was that?
There was a large square of gauze and padding taped to the inside of his thigh, half of it hidden by his boxers. He believed the fabric to be white, but it was so soaked with blood it had turned a mahogany color for the most part.
He pulled his leg towards him, hands reaching for the bandage.
The tape stuck securely to his skin, making removal difficult and cumbersome. Kyo ignored the complaints his thigh was vocalizing as he tugged and pulled, nails as well trying to scrape the adhesive off. He finally managed to get a hold of a corner and clenched his teeth as he tried to tear the tape off. It gave after a few painful tries and the gauze came next, although this too was stuck to his skin with clotted blood.
Kyo in his impatience shifted to move off the bed and stand up. He braced his leg and took a hold of the corner, inhaling deeply for a moment. The he pulled as hard as he could, ripping the whole mass away in one swift, excruciatingly painful movement.
His eyes squeezed shut as he swore, trying to control his breathing and reaction to the fiery throbbing.
When it was all under control, he slowly opened his eyes to look.
Kyo’s eyes widened in horror as he looked to the three distinctive symbols carved into his flesh so deep stitches were needed for proper healing.
The gaping wounds stared back at him, blood starting to seep out again at the lack of stoppage.
Bile rose in his throat.
He didn’t make it to the restroom.
~*~
~*~
On Monday, the atmosphere didn’t seem to be much better than it had been on Saturday amongst the members of Dir en grey.
If truth be told, it seemed to be worse.
Kaoru was trying to talk to Toshiya in any manner he could, but in turn was being blatantly ignored by the bassist.
Toshiya would only talk to Die, with whom he wouldn’t stop talking to as he strummed his bass restlessly.
Die chatted away with the bassist in a loud voice, as if he was trying to drown out someone else when in reality no one else was talking.
Shinya sat sullenly at his drums, hands wringing around his drumsticks like he was about to snap them at any moment.
Kyo had yet to show up.
And to top it off, Inoue-san had told them something that seemed too bizarre to be true, making them all anxious to find out the truth.
So there they sat, an overly boisterous couple laughing about anything they could think of while another pair fell deeper into despair, for a half an hour straight.
Then the door opened.
Kaoru immediately snapped.
“Thanks for being late Kyo; glad to know the new single means jack shit to you.”
Kyo half-heartedly flicked him off and walked slowly closer to the group so he could make his announcement in their faces.
Toshiya and Die got wound up at Kyo’s presence, eyeing him over and whispering to themselves, happy to have a subject to vent their anger out on.
“Dude, look at the way he’s walking…,” Die snickered into the youth’s ear, “Like he’s had something shoved up his ass….He must’ve gotten it good….”
He made no reference to the fact that he had walked in nearly limping as well, and so had Toshiya.
“Die I know you did not just say what I thought you just said. Don’t even go there….” Toshiya said while eyeing Kyo himself, a smile betraying his true thoughts.
“Oh my god, c’mon, so what, Kirito goes over to his house on a Saturday, Kyo shows up on a Monday walking like that and you’re gonna tell me nothing happened? I’m telling you, Kyo got fucked and he got fucked *hard* by none other than guy he hates --excuse me, used to hate…He lost his virginity to Kirito, the Big K….”
“Die you DORK!” Toshiya giggled and hit him playfully, “No one calls him the Big K!!!”
“Well I am from now on at least. If Kyo lets you within 5 miles of his ass you’ve gotta be something special….”
Toshiya nodded inattentively, eyes having latched onto a glaring blemish on the petite frame.
“Look at that welt on the side of his neck…Like someone ripped a chunk out and tried to sew it back with red thread….”
“I know and I bet you anything that mark he’s trying to cover with makeup on his face is the Big K’s handiwork as well….We know who’s S and who’s M here ne?”
He smirked and nudged a giggling Toshiya in the ribs.
Kyo ignored their little whispers and laughs, coughing irritably to get everyone’s attention.
“Listen,” he growled quietly, “we’re not having practice today.”
Kaoru looked appalled while Toshiya and Die were still giggling into one another’s hair. Shinya looked up briefly.
“Why not Kyo? Can’t sit down in the usual chair?” Die mumbled under his breath but loud enough for Toshiya to hear him. Toshiya put a hand over his mouth to keep from laughing out loud.
“Okay Kyo, I’m going to ignore that you just walked in here 45 minutes late and announced that practice is cancelled if you just sit down on your stool and sing the new single,” Kaoru said calmly, gesturing towards the vocalist’s usual perch.
“I meant what I said and I would have called your ass to tell you earlier if all of you morons wouldn’t have turned off your fucking phones,” he spat. “I’m leaving. Maybe we’ll practice tomorrow if I feel like it.”
He turned around to go back out the door but Kaoru wasn’t about to have any of it.
“Oh no you don’t you little selfish bastard, we all showed up ready to play and you’re going to do the same thing. Now get over here and sit.”
Kyo turned around slowly and saw the guitarist standing on his feet, arm thrust out as he pointed to the stool angrily.
“Fuckin’ make me you goddamn queer.”
The words seemed to be emblazoned into the air.
Toshiya stopped laughing at the look on Kyo’s face and Die did as well. Shinya hid behind his hair and hugged himself. Kaoru blanched.
Silence.
“Ne…,” Toshiya started unsteadily, voice wavering a bit, “Ne Kyo-kun, we won’t have practice if you don’t want to….”
“That’s right Kyo, take a break….,” Die added quickly.
Kaoru sat back down, silent.
Kyo stared at them all, animosity thinly veiled behind his colored glasses. He turned around to leave.
But Die, being Die, couldn’t resist saying something more once the eyes were off him.
“…and have fun with lover boy Kirito for us.”
Toshiya looked to the redhead in disbelief, face battling both worry and amusement at the same time.
“What did you say?” Kyo asked quietly.
Toshiya motioned for Die to be quiet but the guitarist wouldn’t listen, his only thoughts being Shinya fucking him over.
“I said it’s good to know you and Kirito are finally getting along. You know, really getting along…,” he said with another smirk.
Kyo turned back around.
“Why do you think that?”
And then Toshiya stopped caring as well. Fuck Kaoru and his cheating self. And Kyo was four to one this time.
“Inoue-san told us all about how Kirito wanted your address so he could apologize to you. Said he had to give it to him to make their manager drop the charges.”
“Yeah, I think we all heard that, didn’t we?”
Toshiya nodded in agreement.
“…And what we wanna know is why you’re walking funny after he left. Kinda suspicious, huh Totchi?”
He turned to the youth and raised an eyebrow.
“Just a little Die-chan. You know, us resident queers always gotta wonder ‘bout this stuff.”
Kaoru shut his eyes. Toshiya was really angry to talk like that.
“So Kyo-sensei, why don’t you enlighten us?”
Toshiya chimed in.
“Yes Kyo-sensei…” he began.
“Teach us, teach us,” they ended together in mockery of their fans.
Kyo kept silent and stared.
“You know Totchi, I wouldn’t be surprised if Kyo hasn’t been lying to us the whole time.”
Die got up and stalked towards the vocalist.
“I wouldn’t be surprised if he likes getting it up the ass, just doesn’t want to admit to being as dirty as his band mates.
Toshiya stood up as well, sauntering over to wrap his arms around Die and peek over his shoulder at Kyo.
“Heaven forbid he reach our level, fall into our cesspool of sinful homosexuality….”
He kissed Die’s neck.
“Man how ironic would that be if he was just crying out that guy’s name like there was no tomorrow…”
“….getting off because a man was fucking him…,” Toshiya added with another lick of the skin.
“…canceling practice today so he could run back to his arms in secret. Yeah, how ironic would that be Totchi?”
“Ooooo very….Almighty Kyo the Faggot….”
Die laughed.
“So why don’t you fess up Kyo? Tell your fairy brothers here what happened. We’re all dying to know. And who knows, you might get your way more often. You fit the requirements to be leader now...”
Toshiya giggled and swayed both their bodies lightly.
“Did ya like it Kyo? Wanna fool around with us now?” he cooed coyly.
“Speak up Kyo-sensei; Teach us…” Die spat into the expressionless face.
And Kyo let a fist ram into his gut in response.
Die doubled over clutching his stomach as the air flew out of him. Toshiya looked horrified and tried to hold him up but couldn’t as Die slid to the floor. Kaoru and Shinya both stood up.
Kyo raised a hand to hit Toshiya as well but once the sight of the bassist flinching settled into his brain he found he couldn’t.
“You…fucking….asshole…” Die wheezed out, and Kyo got ready to kick him but a hand slammed into his shoulder and pushed him away.
“You leave Die alone Kyo.”
He looked up in mild surprise to see Shinya standing in front of Die’s body, protection seeping from his pores and making him too much to deal with.
Kyo backed off and Shinya got on his knees to hold onto a grateful Die. The guitarist leaned heavily into his embrace, a smile of pain and relief written on his face.
“Why did you hit him?! Why did you hit him Kyo?!!” Toshiya yelled, tears streaming down his cheeks, although Kyo didn’t think they were due to him hitting the guitarist.
“Toshiya calm down,” Kaoru said quietly as he tried to touch the bassist’s shoulder.
“Don’t touch me you jerk! Fucking you don’t deserve to touch me ever again!!!”
“Toshiya you don’t understand, it’s not what you think…..” he pleaded onto deaf ears.
“Go to hell Kaoru I don’t want to hear your shit excuses!”
Toshiya fell to his knees and hugged onto Die like Shinya was doing so, burying his face in the scarlet hair.
Kyo watched quietly as Toshiya sobbed, feeling ill about everything and especially that he’d made him cry. Again.
Kaoru looked at Kyo with hate flaring in his eyes.
“Just leave would you? You’ve done enough damage already.”
Kyo nodded awkwardly in recognition of more than just that, digging his keys out of his pocket and giving the scene one last look before he turned away. He was already opening the door when Toshiya cried out.
“No Kyo don’t go! We didn’t mean---”
But he slid through the opening regardless.
“Kyo we-- oh fuck! Why the hell did you tell him to leave you asshole? It’s his birthday soon and now---”
He cut off Toshiya’s hoarse voice with a shut of the door.
Beautiful, volatile Toshiya….How I love you….And even though I’m someone else’s property that fact doesn’t change.
A slender finger twirled a noisy key chain around dizzily, and there was only one thought on Kyo’s mind.
Life wasn’t what it used to be.
END PART 2
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