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Forbidden Light	By : KathyF1Slash Category: Individual Celebrities > Athlete/Sports Misc Views: 1446 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction. I do not know the people written about in this fanfiction. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
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Chapter 2: It's all in your eyes

When I felt his arm around me, it was like a dam inside me broke. I just couldn’t hold back my tears anymore; I started to cry. I was mortified, like my father always said, boys don’t cry. But I couldn’t hold back anymore, I felt tears streaming down my face.
Nico didn’t comment, he just sat next to me with his arm still around my shaking shoulders and gave me time to recuperate.
“What happened, did you two have a fight, did she hurt you or did you hurt her somehow?” he asked me after my sobs quieted down. I nodded, while trying to find my voice.
“Yes.” Is all I could trust my voice to say without breaking.
“Yes, what. Come on talk to me, let it out. It helps to talk about it.” He softly urged.
“Yes, we had a fight and yes I hurt her.” I sighed a bit, and explained to him. “The evening started out fine, I did notice that she was a bit cooler to me then usual. But I think the same can be said about me. Then at the end of the evening she told me she wanted to end our relationship. That it wasn’t working anymore. And I did nothing to convince her otherwise. I didn’t fight her words and tried nothing to change her mind. I gave up and I left. So we didn’t really fight, but I did hurt her.”
“I think she hurt you more by saying that, then you hurt her by leaving after what she said to you.” He says.
I shook my head, I didn’t say anything, but many thoughts were going through my mind. It was my fault, I hurt her by leaving, by spending all that time on my career, so I couldn’t be mad at her, at least not really.
“Lewis,” I look up when he softly speaks my name, “don’t lie to me, I can see it in you face. It’s all in your eyes. She hurt you. Don’t try to convince me otherwise.”
I shook my head negative. I tried to deny it, I didn’t want him to think me weak.
“I’ve know you for many years now Lewis. And I know we’re not the closest of friends. But I can tell that you’re hurt. Forgive me for asking but you said you were also colder to her, and you left her so maybe you wanted it to end too? I can understand it would still hurt if you said she wanted it to end so bluntly, but could it be you’re also upset, because you know she’s right?”
At first I was angry with him for asking me that, but then I realized that he saw right through me. He had a point, indeed it hurt, but I had been wondering if I still wanted to continue a relationship with her. It was her coldness about the situation that had hurt me the most. The realisation that I indeed wanted it to end then came over me. And I think I was quite an emotional wreck, because I started crying again. When I now think back, I can only imagine what Nico must have thought of me.
I was surprised when he enveloped me in a hug and held me while I cried. I think he might have even said something, but I can’t remember anymore. I was too much wrapped up in grief to pay a lot attention to his words. We just sat there for a long time.

After a while I became aware of the fact how much I enjoyed being in his arms. Back then I didn’t think too much of it, I was just grateful for the comfort he provided.
It was weird but also nice being held in his arms. I tried to stop my flood of tears. But every once in a while I felt another shudder go through my body. I was reluctant to leave Nico’s nice embrace.
I suddenly became aware of how nice he smelled. It was a weird thought, but I suddenly noticed. His hair especially smelled good. And it looked amazing with the moonlight shining on it, giving it a silver glow.
I decided that I didn’t want that moment to end, but it did. He loosened the embrace a bit and gave me a scrutinizing look.
“Feeling a bit better now?”
“Yes, I guess so. Thank you for listening to me and enduring being put up with my crying.”
“That’s alright, I’m happy to have been able to help you. If I may give you a piece of advice; talk to her. Because I’m sure you want to be able to put this behind you. Agonizing over it is not going to help. And you need your focus the upcoming weeks and tomorrow especially. Because I would hate to lose my GP2 champion title to Nelson or anyone else.” He said with a smile.
That smile even now I can picture it in my mind. Just one look at that smile was all it took. No matter how I bad I felt, that smile made me laugh. It was silly really, but the joy was contagious and soon we were both laughing.
Still smiling he said, “So promise me that you will talk to her and after that get some sleep and think of nothing else then winning tomorrow’s race.”
Then he got up and left.
“Good night and good luck to you as well tomorrow.” I called after him when I got to my senses and realized that he was leaving. He looked over his shoulder and waved.

I took his advice and went back to Jodia to talk it over. There wasn’t much to be said. After my talk with Nico I realized that I too didn’t want to continue my relationship with her. So that night my relationship with Jodia ended. I felt some sort of relief when I went to bed.

That morning I was up early, determined to fulfil my promise to Nico. On the paddock I caught myself looking for him. I didn’t even know myself I was until I noticed I was looking at every blond person. But I didn’t see him at all. That was not that weird, considering he also had work to do.
I saw him briefly after the race. He came by to congratulate me, and he hugged me again. Once more it felt good to be held by him. That moment I stared to doubt myself. Was it normal to feel so happy over a simple hug. This time I blamed it on my happiness of winning the race.
The rest of that day I tried to avoid Nico as much as possible while trying to get my head straight again.

That all happened at the Nürburgring in Germany. It’s now two weeks later, another race weekend. I have hardly spoken to him.
I tried very hard to get past it. I’ve accepted that my relationship with Jodia is over. But I can’t help thinking about Nico. I’ve tried to put him out of my mind, to forget how much I liked being in his arms. But no matter how hard I try not to think about it, about him. The feeling always returns.
I’ve kept my distance so far, minimized the contact between us. I cut him short when he tried to start a conversation with me yesterday. I could tell he was upset because of that. But I don’t want to face him before I got these sinful emotions under control. It’s complicated, but I’ll try.

Oh, just forget it Lewis, you might as well admit it. You’ve tried to ignore these feelings for two weeks and you no further then the moment he held you in his arms.
I hate this side of me. But I know it’s right, I am attracted to him. No matter how hard I try to deny it, try to forget it and tell myself how wrong it is; it won’t work. I feel like I’m losing my mind. I’m arguing with myself. Am I going insane? I don’t know, but I do feel quite lost at the moment. Maybe I should make a prayer, and ask guidance. But will guidance help me get past this feelings?
Even more important do I want to get past it? I know it is wrong and my rational side says I should forget about this feelings, bury them very deep and never look back to avoid further complication. But deep down I know I don’t want to forget this, no matter how much the knowledge that he will never be with me hurts. I want these feelings.

A/N~
Well the word is out now. You now know who it is. Surprised?
I’m sorry if Lewis is acting a bit girlish at the moment, but he was upset and is very confused about his feelings. I’ll try to make him a bit more manly in the next chapters, as the story will now continue in the ‘present’.
Oh and to make it clear, this story takes place in the 2006 season. I’ll try to stick to the actual race results and details as much as I can. Their relationship will progress slowly, because I want to give it a bit of background and depth. Don’t get me wrong, PWP and smut is fun, but I wanted to make it a bit more of a realistic story.
I think my previous chapter was better, but please let me know how I’m doing and leave a review.
~K
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Forbidden Light