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End of an Era	By : SirenSong Category: Singers/Bands/Musicians > Nightwish Views: 1733 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction. I do not know the celebrity I am writing about. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
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Title:    End of an Era
Author:    Aurelia (a.k.a. GoldSiren on FF.net)
Rating:    NC-17, just to be safe
Pairings:    Tarja Turunen/Marcelo Cabuli (mentioned), Tarja Turunen/Tuomas Holopainen
Warnings:    Angst, Self-injury, Alternate reality, Hurt/comfort, Language, Possible violence (more warnings may be added later)
Summary:    After being expelled from Nightwish, Tarja has to find a new path in life- but everything’s changed. Left alone in the world, can she still achieve her dreams or are they now too far away?
Disclaimer:    This story has been written without gain and I neither know nor own the people involved. Lyrics used are not my own and artists used with be noted through out the story. Nightwish songs and lyrics will be the most commonly used and all actual setting are made up although the towns, etc are real. Please don’t sue; I’m only a poor student…
Author’s Note:    Song lyrics: Ghost Love Score- Nightwish. Other Nightwish songs are mentioned.
*End of an Era: Sanctuary*
By the time she had reached the apartment, rested and unpacked all of her things, Tarja had learnt that her divorce from Marcelo was all over the news. There were even interviews with her soon-to-be ex-husband in which he stated that Nightwish had been ‘right to call her a Diva’ and had ‘done the best thing’ in getting rid of her.
What a joy! More fuel to add to the burning fire of her destroyed image of perfection, more things to be bombarded with as the media tried to get an interview and as fans tried to ask her why this had happened.
Best to get a new manager now, before everything got out of hand. She still had income from Nightwish, their investments, personal investments…
Maybe Tuomas would even call?
Some time later, Tarja was running a brush through her dark locks, silently cursing herself for hoping. Of course Tuomas wouldn’t call her, they weren’t friends anymore. The text message he’d sent had probably been purely business, nothing like the forgiveness and friendship- love- she wanted.
Yet things were on some form of track now, she had been able to get a new manager, Jason Taylor, who was dealing with the media already- she’d even sorted out a new venture for herself.
It had been something only known within Nightwish that she’d always loved writing. Even Marcelo hadn’t known.
Like singing in the Opera, which she’d ended up disliking intensely, Tarja had always wanted to publish a book- something that she’d written to entertain other people, something as beautiful and fantastical as Tuomas’ songs.
Now she’d learnt that the dream was to become a reality.
The publisher had informed her that they wanted to publish her first novel and that they were happy to do so under a pseudonym. Jason was already working on organising that too.
Poor man, his first day of work and already he was being buried under all of her problems!
Tarja had held back quite awhile with her novels, she’d already completed three and had only sent the first to the publisher now. If she was lucky, then the other two would be accepted as well- but at the moment, she needed to do something else.
Slipping out of the apartment and around the back, Tarja manages to leave without being seen by the media, heading out to a little known place that had been her sanctuary. Tuomas, Jukka, Emppu and herself had all bought this place originally as a sanctuary in which they could write and prepare. When Marco had joined the band, he’d added some money to help furnish the place and the sanctuary had become his as well. It had been the place where Nightwish became more of a reality then a dream.
Almost three hours later, Tarja finally reaches her destination and comes to a stop in front of Nightwish’s sanctuary, her sanctuary.
Stepping out to see the two-story stone house, Tarja smiles, walking carefully along the dirt driveway and up to the front door. The little house faces out onto a lake and just seems so peaceful; it was always the place where they could meet without any neighbours near by to disturb. Isolated but whimsical.
They had considered using it in the film clip for ‘Over the Hills and Far Away’ but had abandoned the idea, fearing that people would come searching.
The door swings open tiredly and a cloud of dusk rises, shimmering in the dull sunlight that streams in from the tall windows on either side of the door. Wooden floorboards creak underfoot as Tarja wanders through, the dappled lighting forming a dull illumination in the cream-walled hall.
She pauses by the door to the music room, already knowing what she’d see if she stepped inside. It’s all so clear in her mind, but the images seem blurred as she tries to imagine the room without the boys in it.
Stepping in, Tarja’s mind plays tricks on her and she almost cries, swearing that Tuomas had been sitting by the keyboard, Jukka at his drums, Marco and Emppu on the blue settee as they waited for her. Tears cloud her vision and she steps deeper into the room, sitting where Marco and Emppu should be, and burying her head in her hands as she cries.
With no idea how long she’s been sitting there, Tarja looks out to see that the sun is beginning to set. It’s not a problem, though; she’d brought an overnight bag and had been planning to stay tonight. Her last night here.
Then tomorrow, with the light of a new day, she would pack up all of her things that needed to be taken and that was the end of it.
If only she felt as strong as her words.
She didn’t want to leave, her heart resisting it with every beat, yet she knew she had to leave. The life she wanted was only a memory now and she had to move forward, had to continue on with the path that she had started by marrying Marcelo. Everything would be fine, eventually!
No, no, no! Nothing was going to be fine! How could it be when she no longer had Tuomas’ fantastical mind, Marco’s wise words, Emppu’s bright smile and Jukka’s perfectionistic realism? These were her boys! It was Nightwish!
How could it all be gone?
There was nothing anymore, nothing in her world that was holding her afloat and she felt like she was drowning in misery! What happened to all her dreams? All her contingency plans? Why had she never realised how much she needed the boys? Even Ewo! She missed Ewo’s words of kind advice whenever she got flustered, him stepping in for her when things got to be too much…
But now they’re all gone. Everything she had is gone and she only wants it back!
Rising from the couch, Tarja walks around the room, her fingertips brushing against Marco’s bass, remembering when he first joined and would sit, watching everyone suspiciously.
Eventually he had become so integral to the group. She remembered once that, after a show, some crazy fan had broken through the barrier and taken a run at Nightwish- her in particular. Marco had managed to catch the guy from behind swinging him around and straight into the arms of security!
Glancing out of the window, she watches the lake glint in the fading sunlight. Across the lake and through the trees she can already see the moon shimmering- she hadn’t realised it was going to be a full moon tonight.
Taking another few steps, Tarja comes to Jukka’s first drum kit and takes a seat, tapping out the backing for ‘Deep Silent Complete’, just like he’d taught her. She could remember the two of them sitting there one time, watching as Emppu was trying to learn the drums for ‘Astral Romance’.
She can’t remember why he was trying anymore, probably a dare of some sort, but she could remember Jukka listening with her. Emppu had it right basically, but neither of them were willing to let him stop until he had it perfect. It ended up that Emppu almost collapsed when they finally let him stop, still telling him that he hadn’t got it quite right while sharing a grin.
Moving away from the instruments, Tarja steps up to the CD player, turning on the power as she pulls out the Gladiator soundtrack. Turning up the volume so that the music reverberates through the house- she’d only decided to play the last track.
Tarja glances around the room once more.
It’s as if some invisible hand pulls her back towards the instruments but she stops in the middle of the room, lost in yet another memory.
Watching Gladiator with the boys had always been so much fun; whenever they came here they would all choose a film to watch, they would get some popcorn or other snacks and watch six movies in one night! None of them had ever needed to pick Gladiator since it had become an unspoken tradition to watch that last of all, the five of them crowded around the television on the floor, leaning or laying on one another. Somehow she had always ended up with her head on Tuomas’s shoulder with Marco on the other side and Emppu’s head in her lap. Jukka often managed to steal the couch, ending up behind the huddle, curled towards his bandmates.
Sighing, Tarja’s eyes are drawn to the window again, seeing only the dim light of a dying day. Only the faintest hint of sunlight is left over the horizon now.
Lifting one of Emppu’s guitars, Tarja smiles sadly and places it back on the ground gently. Emppu, what could she say about Emppu? There were so many good memories of everyone but the one that stood about Emppu was always the time when, here in this room, Emppu had decided to try a trick he’d seen on a movie at some stage.
He’d grabbed his guitar and come up behind her, wrapping his arms around so that the guitar sat in front of her as he tried to play ‘Dark Chest of Wonders’. It hadn’t been working so well and Emppu was so frustrated, thinking that it would be a fantastic stage trick… But he head banged much more then she did!
And Tuomas…
Tarja freezes before her fingers even touch the keyboard, feeling a sharp pain travel through her at the thought of never seeing him again. He’d become her best friend, someone she could always turn to.
In the silence, she can almost pretend that they’re all just in the other room.
But he’d been the one to write the letter- his name had been signed first and it was his writing.
He would have been kinder just to rip her heart out.
Without conscious thought, her fingers drift over the keys, quietly playing the beginning of ‘Ocean Soul’ - it had been his favourite Nightwish song for so long and it suited him. He had always seemed to have an obsession with the ocean… And wolves…
She could remember sitting here beside him as he presented her with so many songs, a mysterious grin on his face. Foremost was always ‘End of All Hope’ when he’d pulled her down to sit beside him, handing her a copy of the lyrics as he did. They’d arrived at the house early and no one else was there when he’d started to play, her singing the song as he played. The music had seemed so pure, so perfect- the words seared into her mind for all time.
They thought she didn’t understand the lyrics, but she did, she always had.
She’d always felt the words, tears sometimes in her eyes but when you had to sing the songs in front of thousands of people you couldn’t afford to cry every time. It was just not an option. Still, she’d always felt them and would always go to bed thinking about the lyrics.
If they were about her, if Tuomas had written them to her to show that he cared, that he loved her, then he should have said something too.
She’d asked him out once, when they were still working on the first album and his wolfish eyes had looked at her, calculating the risks before he answered, “do you think that’s wise?”
After that she had never asked again. The ball was in his court.
She couldn’t wait forever though and Marcelo had been there when she needed someone, she’d come to care for him and somewhere along the line things got confused. In the end she had convinced herself that she loved him and the rest, as they say, is history.
Perhaps she shouldn’t have come?
Tarja’s fingers begin tapping out ‘Nemo’, and she lets all the emotion just drain away for a moment as she plays the song mindlessly. In her mind, Tuomas was here and practicing the song- just as he had before they went to Helsinki and recorded ‘Nemo’ for Once.
Everything about that CD had been perfection! The band had moved so quickly and so freely, blending the symphonic with the metal seamlessly.
Once had been such a big step.
Fingers still flowing, Tarja glances up and out across the moonlit lake as tears come to her eyes once more. She missed them and they’d barely been apart for six months.
They were planning to continue on with a new singer, a replacement for her and there was nothing Tarja could do about it. Even the DVD seemed to be something she had no say in, she knew that they were going ahead with making it but no one was asking her about it.
Apparently it was going to be called ‘End of an Era’- she liked the name, although she wished it wasn’t true.
If only she could turn back time…
Her fingers still on the keyboard as her sadness pours from her fingertips becoming immortalised in music, Tarja begins another song that she loved. Another song that she once sang for millions…
At the moment, with her mind still on the other members of Nightwish, the singer feels that this song can express how she feels.
In the silence of the night, Tarja’s fingers provide the music as she sings the song the best she ever has, her voice coated in her sorrow as she tries to ease the pain inside of her heart with Tuomas’ words.
“We used to swim the same moonlight waters
Oceans away from the wakeful day
My fall will be for you
My love will be in you
If you be the one to
Cut me I will bleed forever
Scent of the sea before the waking of the world
Brings me to thee into the blue memory
My fall will be for you
My love will be in you
If you be the one to
Cut me I will bleed forever
Into the blue memory
A siren from the deep came to me
Sang my name, my longing
Still I write my songs about that dream of mine
Worth everything I may ever be
The child will be born again
That siren carried him to me
First of them true loves
Singing on the shoulders of an angel
Without care for love ‘n loss
Bring me home or leave me be
My love in the dark heart of night
I have lost the path before me
The one behind will lead me
Take me, cure me, kill me, bring me home
Every way, every day
Just another loop in the hangman’s noose
Take me, cure me, kill me, bring me home
Every way, every day
I keep on watching us sleep”
Tarja sobs, her fingers continuing on with the music as her tears fall, glittering, onto the white keys. Regaining control of her voice, she picks up ‘Ghost Love Score’ where she should be…
“Redeem me into childhood
Show me myself without the shell
Like the advent of May
I’ll be there when you say:
Time to never hold our love
My fall will be for you
My love will be in you
You were the one to cut me
So I’ll bleed forever…”
She has no idea how long she sits there in the moonlight silence, crystalline tear drops splattering on the white keys of Tuomas’ instrument. It is hours before she moves, every step slow as if weighted down from the inside as she makes her way into the kitchen, leaving all of the lights off as she moves. Nothing is worth this pain, this intense fear of what has to come and this sorrow that seems to drown out every other emotion.
Drinking a glass of water from one of the Disney mugs, Tarja wanders through the house and upstairs to the bedrooms after glancing into the lounge where Nightwish had once sat watching movies together.
It feels as if they’re here, sometimes and she wishes it was true as her eyes sting and her head feels heavy and sluggish.
Upstairs, she wanders past each bedroom- Emppu’s across from Jukka’s, Marco’s across from Tuomas’ and hers at the end of the hall. Each room decorated by the individual in a day of paint wars and laughter. But there is one thing that each room has in common, something that was decided on at the very last moment… In each bedroom, the ceiling is painted with little silver and gold stars…
Sliding to the floor in her bedroom, the door still wide open since no one else is there, Tarja cries- the violent sobs wracking her small frame as everything seems to be lost.
Outside of the house, her voice could be heard every now and again as she screams her anger, fear and sorrow- sometimes crying out for the other members of Nightwish and other times expressing her pain and turmoil wordlessly. Yet there is no one nearby to hear her screams or offer comfort as she cries…
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End of an Era