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If We Hold On Together	By : EmilyRose Category: My Chemical Romance > Slash - Male/Male Views: 2217 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction. I do not know the members of My Chemical Romance. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
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Why does people think that first day of school is so great? It's not, not even a little. Another morning were Gerard didn't talk to me, except for 'shotgun' when he and I got in to dads car. Dad drove us to school, like he used to, a long time ago. Gerard had a license but my parents refused him the car since he had been caught driving under the influence.

There are no words to describe the feeling I had when Gerard got in the passenger seat, and gave me a cold glare. He blamed me, for getting caught. He had just gone to pick me up; a bully had pushed me through a glass door. Like that was my fault. But in his eyes, it was my fault for being hurt just when he was drunk and probably banging his girlfriend.

Everything was my fault in Gerard's eyes. And everything was my fault in my eyes. He always made me feel so guilty, even when I had done nothing wrong. A single stare, a single word, or just the silence. All of that could drive me insane with guilt, even though I knew deep in my heart that nothing was my fault.

"Behave" Came my dad's voice; it brought me out from my deep thoughts. I looked up and saw that we were at our school. Gerard muttered something, probably something rather rude, and got out. I didn't have to reply. My dad hadn't been talking to me. He knew it wasn't my fault I always got in trouble, but he never had the time to stand up for me. His work always got in the way, and his new girlfriend. Yes mine and Gerard's mother left when I was 12. She just took off one day; she was going to buy food and never came back. We got a card with 'I am so sorry' written on it. What a way to say goodbye.

First period; math, easy enough. Just sit in the back and don't make eye contact with the jocks. I can do that.

+

I couldn't do that. Dave Brenner saw me looking at him. He thinks I'm gay, which I'm not, but try telling him that. He simply took my head and slammed it into the table; of course no one saw what happened. Or well, some did, but they were too afraid to tell. In the eyes of the teacher I had 'an unfortunate accident'. I was excused from the classroom, and anger boiling inside me. Anger, and guilt. I knew what would come from this; Gerard would find some way to turn this against me. Make it my fault, my mistake. Make me feel bad for bleeding on the floor. And I would agree, I would hang my head low and agree with every word coming from his lips.

+

"You shouldn't let them do this to you" Frank said when he held a piece of paper to my bleeding nose. I didn't reply, I knew this speech much too well. But I knew he only meant well. Frank was the only one who got me, who knew why I was so sad. He tried to help, but there wasn't much he could do. The only person that could fix me were my brother. But he didn't care enough to be my brother anymore.

"I just want to go to lunch" I said as he opened his mouth to speak again.
"Okay, but just… don't take their shit" He tried again. I nodded, mostly so he'd leave me alone and let me go eat. He sighed I defeat and got up to his feet and pulled me out from the toilet to take me to lunch.

+

Of course I and Frank sat with Bob and Ray. We were the outcasts, the loners, the geeks. We were the rejects. Gerard used to be one of us, before he changed. It's horrible how someone you've known and trusted your whole life can do that to you.

"Hey Mikey, what's up?" Ray's voice brought me out of my thoughts.
"The sky?" My reply made Frank snort with laughter, but Ray rolled his eyes.

"You know what I'm talking about punk" He said and gave me a playful shove. My glasses slid down my nose and I pushed them up with a frown.
"Just those stupid jocks again" I said motioning towards my split lip and swollen nose. He nodded and didn't push the matter further; instead he went back to eating and making fun of teachers.

A sudden sound caused us all to look up from our trays.

[BANG]

"FUCK YOU GERARD!" The tray on the ground was joined by Gerard as his girlfriend Gina pushed him over. The other people at their table said harsh comments before following Gina inside the school again. Gerard lay there on the ground for a few seconds before shooting up, dusting himself off, and running away from school ground.

"Guess she found out about him sleeping with that girl at that party" Ray said snickering. The rest of us just nodded, but I couldn't help the tears that were burning behind my eyes. I shouldn't feel sorry for him; after all he deserved what he got. He cheated on this girlfriend too, and lost both her and his friends in a matter of minutes. Now Gerard was alone, just like me. Maybe this could be a good thing; maybe this could bring us closer.

Then again, maybe not.

+

The rest of the school day went by in a blur. Next thing I knew I was sitting in my room, all alone in the house. My dad was at work (surprise) and Gerard was out doing God knows what. Sighing I ran a hand through my hair and grabbed a book from my nightstand. I was sitting on my bed, music coming from my speakers in a low volume, and now with a book in my hand. 'Midnight' by Dean Koontz. I had read it before, but what the heck, I was bored and needed something to take my mind of things.

When I reached chapter five I heard the door downstairs open and close. From the shoes being kicked off into the hallway wall I was guessing it was Gerard who came home. And right I was. Five minutes (and three pages) later he came into my room without knocking, catching me by surprise. Gerard hadn't been in my room for the longest time, just like I hadn't been in his.

"What you doin'?" He asked, and it didn't take a genius to figure out that he was wasted. I held up my book but didn't take my eyes of him. His eyes were rimmed with tears, and his nose red. His long hair was a mess and he was slightly out of breath. My brother used to complain about being fat, so he stopped eating as much, which meant that he had no strength at all, and the simplest tasks (like walking upstairs) made him pant.

He nodded and sat down at the foot of my bed. He sat there quiet for a few moments, and I stared at him. His eyes were fixed on a spot on the floor and he was biting his lower lip. I knew I should've said something, but I was scared. Scared that he'd throw a fit, scared that I'd scare him away, and scared that he'd leave me alone again. Instead I just sat there, studying him, waiting for him to make the first move.

"My life is so fucked up"

And that's all he said. That's all the sharing he did, then he got up and walked away. Before he walked out the door he glanced back at me, and I could see tears on his cheeks. Then he was gone. It took me a minute to realize that I was crying, and I dropped the book to the floor. I fell back on my bed and grabbed one of the pillows. Then I cried into it for what seemed like hours. I cried for me, for how I was treated. I cried for Gerard, for how he treated people. I cried for my mom, who just left us. And I cried for my dad, for never being around.

I knew that both I and Gerard were in deep shit, for different reasons. And I knew that neither of us was okay. I used to think Gerard was happy, but after those five words I knew better. Gerard was just as depressed as me, he was just better at hiding it. Or maybe we were just as good, since no one really knew how sad I was either. No one knew about the cuts on my forearms, and no one knew about the pills I had taken in a desperate attempt to shut this world out.

No one knew that in that moment, a very sad and heartbroken young boy placed a razor at his wrist for what seemed like the millionth time, and made another fresh cut in his skin. No one knew, and it seemed like no one would ever know.
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If We Hold On Together