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Mistakes and Misunderstandings	By : FakeSmilesAt18 Category: My Chemical Romance > Slash - Male/Male Views: 1893 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction. I do not know the members of My Chemical Romance. I do not make any money from the writing of this story. I do not own or make money from AFF. None of this holds any truth.

Chapter List
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Chapter Two: Conversations…and a Choice is Made

“Try me,” Jamia challenged.

Taking a deep breath, I said – with my eyes squeezed shut – “I’ve been sleeping with Mikey.”

Silence followed my words; I had to open my eyes to make sure she hadn’t left without hearing my…explanation. After a tense moment – she barely seemed to be breathing – Jamia asked, “Why?”

I stared at the ground. “I…I don’t know.”

“Bullshit, Frank,” she spat back. “You never do anything without a reason…I know you better than that.” When I still said nothing, she asked, “Did you want to hurt me?”

I looked at her then, eyes wide. “No! Gods no…I love you…very much.”

“Then why!?” she finally screamed. “If you ‘love’ me, why would you FUCK Mikey!? How long has this been going on? Do you love him!? Is this how you planned on telling me you’re gay?”

“I…I don’t know if I’m gay,” I said softly. “I’m confused…and no, I-I don’t love him. I could never love anyone like…” I hesitated and looked away. “It started about a week after the tour started.”

That sent her reeling. “T-three months?”

I nodded and felt my face grow hot. “I’m so so-

“Do NOT apologize to me,” she murmured dangerously.

“I…I got lonely,” I said, lying just a little, “and Mikey was nice to me…he took me out one night, and we were both so drunk. Things just happened.”

“But it continued,” she accused, “why?”

“Because of…” I sighed; lying was so fucking exhausting. “Because of Gerard,” I murmured.

She blinked. “Gee? What does he…oh…” A bitter smile worked its way across her lips. “I knew there was something between the two of you.”

“There isn’t,” I stressed. “I’m his…or…I was his best friend, and I g-got confused over the way he acted with me onstage…so I decided to fuck his baby brother because, at the time, it seemed like a good substitute.” Tears wet my cheeks again. I’d never admitted to that before out loud, and it had hurt to hear. Looking at Jamia, it was ten times worse on her.

“Y-you should tell him.”

“Who?”

“Mikey…you can’t keep playing him like that.” Her words cut like razors.

“I didn’t plan too…not forever,” I admitted.

“Not forever!? How long then, Frank?” She was fuming all over again. “HOW LONG!?”

I shrank away. “I…I needed him, J…”

“And me? You couldn’t have told me?”

I shrugged. “I’m selfish. I needed you too.” She picked her luggage up, and I knew she was going for good. “I’m sorry,” I said honestly.

“Me too…goodbye Frank.”

I watched her go and didn’t stop her. “Bye, J.”

* * * * * *

I was lying in my bunk when Gee and Mikey returned. Mikey looked all red and puffy, and I knew what I had to tell him was only going to make it worse. But… “Mikes, can I talk to you?”

Gerard looked mutinous, but Mikey nodded. “Come on Bob…Ray, we’re goin’ to food it,” Gee snapped to our bandmates. They’d asked me a thousand times what was going on, but Gee could fill them in if he felt the need.

After the guys left us alone, I sat with Mikey on the sofa. “You don’t love me,” he finally said.

“No, I-I don’t.”

“But you slept with me and hurt Jamia.” Wet eyes targeted mine and refused to let go. “Why?”

Boy, I was getting asked that a lot. My chest locked up as I tried to explain. “I…I’m…Gods, Mikes, I-I l-lo-love him.”

“Him?”

I nodded. “Gee,” I whispered.

Mikey didn’t look any more surprised than Jamia did. “I should have known,” he said stoically. “The way you behave on stage…always trying to touch him…and the way you look at him when you think no one is watching!”

“Mikey…Michael, I want to…no, I need you to know that I never meant to hurt you. I just thought that if I could fall in love with you, I could stop feeling the way I do…but I can’t.”

He stood up. “I guess we were both kidding ourselves then.” He headed to the bunks, and I knew I wasn’t welcome. I lay on the couch and cried again. Cried for Mikey and Jamia…for myself and my fucked up feelings.

When the rest of the band came back from eating, Gerard dragged me off the bus. “What the FUCK is going on in your head, Frankie!?” he yelled as soon as the door shut, not that it mattered. It wasn’t like it was sound-proof or anything.

“I…I…” His fist hit my jaw, and I went down, smacking my head off the ground.

“You hurt Jamia; you USED my baby brother!” Kicking me in the stomach, Gerard stole the air from my body, and I lay curled on the ground, gasping like a carp. “You fucked up big time, Iero,” he growled and left me in the dirt.

After a few moments, I got up and groaned; I was sore all over. But I couldn’t go back onto the bus, not yet. I walked around the lot for hours, thinking and crying and making decisions. When I was sure my bandmates had gone to bed, I stole back onto the bus and packed as much of my belongings as I could fit. I’d have to leave my guitar, I realized mournfully, but I could always send for it. Ray probably wouldn’t let Mikey or Gee destroy it.

After packing, I grabbed a piece of paper from Ray’s printer stand and sat down. Near tears – who knew someone could cry so much in a day? – I wrote:

Gerard,
I know I’m leaving you guys in the lurch, but I know you can come up with a replacement guitarist before the next concert. You’d probably want to anyway after today. That’s why I’m going; I can’t sit and wait for you guys to toss me out. This is band is my life…I guess, it’s easier to walk away then to be cast out, you know?
Anyway…I wanted to explain. There’s no excuse for what I did, and I’m not going to try and offer one, but…I love you. I’m in love with you, plain and simple. I always have been, I think; I should have never been with Jamia in the first place. It was easier, though, to have a girlfriend and have an excuse to not tell you. And Mikey…I thought I was going to kill myself when the tour started. The way you are on stage…I didn’t think I could handle it, but I loved it all at the same time. We kissed, Gee, and you never knew how much those few seconds meant to me. I thought I could make myself fall for your brother, and then I’d never have to say what I’m saying now. I’d never have to tell my best friend that I could never love or want anyone as much as I want him…I didn’t want to loose you or have you hate me.
That’s why I have to get out of here. I hope, someday, you can forgive me.
I love you,
Frankie

Wiping at my tears, I left the note on the table and slipped out of the bus just as the sun kissed the sky.

* * * * * *

R and R s’il vous plait!!! Let me know if I should keep going!
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Mistakes and Misunderstandings