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Until Death Do Us Part [Frerard]	By : EmilyRose Category: My Chemical Romance > Slash - Male/Male Views: 947 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction. I do not know the members of My Chemical Romance. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 1-Until Death Do Us Part [Frerard]
- 2-Dead
- 1
- 2
I took everything for granted. Every hug, every kiss, and every sweet word we said to each other. I just thought that he would always be there. I assumed Gerard and I would always have each other. We would always make each other strong, and we would always be able to depend on each other.

When I received the phone call that told me Gerard had been in an accident, I saw all of that disappearing. No longer could I be sure of having Gerard with me always. Everything changed in the blink of an eye.

He was at the hospital; he was still alive, barely. He was wrapped up in so many bandages. He had tubes everywhere, he looked so weak. He didn't look like my strong beautiful Gerard. His face was black and blue, and they'd had to shave off some of his beautiful hair to mend the cuts on his head.

My strong, amazing, beautiful and immortal Gerard was dying.

He woke up once, before falling asleep forever. I will never forget seeing his eyes open, and I will never forget that his hand squeezed mine for just a moment.

"Gee, don't try to talk, you'll be alright, I promise. I love you so much, just fight, for me."

I remember pleading. I remember crying, I remember hurting, and I remember dying. He saw me, for just a second, he saw my pleading face, and his eyes met mine.

He spoke his final words, and then he was gone.

His eyes closed, his chest stopped moving, and his hand was no longer holding mine. Gerard was dead.

After Gerard was gone, I cried. I sat next to his bed, his hand still in mine, and wept. I cried, I shouted, I even screamed.

"You can't be gone! Wake up! Please, I'll do anything, just wake up!"

But he couldn't wake up. Never again would I see him smile at me. Never again would I hear him cry my name in ecstasy as he came. Never again would I be teased by him – the friendly sort of teasing. Never again would he hold me after a bad dream. Never again would he cry to a sad movie, and never would I be forced to wear some really weird clothes just to please him.

He had a thing for that, buying really ugly things for me. He thought they were pretty, but for a gay man, Gerard had no taste whatsoever. A green Hawaii shirt, a polka dotted tie, or how about a really tight white t-shirt with the text "queer and proud"?

I always wore them, just to see his face light up.

Never again would I have to do that, to see his eyes glitter. Never again.

Donna had been in the room as well, but on a distance, letting me have my moment of goodbye with her son. After he died she wept silently as I howled. As I screamed out in agony and pain.

She had wrapped her arms around me, but I had barely noticed. I didn't want to notice, I just wanted to wake up from the nightmare I was in. I pushed her away, cried to her that he wasn't dead. Gerard was just sleeping, and he would wake up soon. He'd wake up, smile his special smile, and say "hi stranger", like he always did.

But I was wrong.

Gerard wasn't asleep, he was dead, and he would never wake up.

Finally I had been forced to face reality, and I had been forced to leave his side. Donna and my mum had to take help from the hospital staff to tear me away from Gerard's side. I just kept shouting that he was fine, that he would be alright. I kept denying that I was alone, that my Gerard was dead, because it was too hard to admit to the truth.

I remember when Donna told Mikey, when she had to explain to Mikey that his brother was gone. I was standing at the back of the room, my mother and one of my friends, Andrew, holding me up. Andrew had been my friend for years, and he had loved Gerard so much. He had been silently crying, but he was being strong for me. To be my friend, because he knew I needed it. I didn't have any real brothers, but I guess you could say in a way, Andrew was my brother.

When Mikey heard the news, his eyes found mine, and I could see the guilt in them. I wanted to say it wasn't his fault, that it was the other driver. I wanted to let Mikey know I loved him, but when I opened my mouth, nothing like that came out.

"He's dead." Was all I had said, and then I threw up.

It was so unfair. Mikey had escaped with a broken leg and some bruises, and Gerard had died. I was angry, but not with Mikey. I was angry with God.

I had grown up in a religious home, and I did believe. I didn't really go to church, except at Christmas or such, but I did believe. I did pray when I was really down, when everything was dark.

When Gerard died, I knew there was no God. No God would ever allow me to lose the best thing in my life. I was angry, because it felt like I had been wasting my life away on faith when it didn't exist. There was no higher power, there was no one watching over us, and there was no silver lining.

Mikey had been so afraid I would hate him, he had apologized over and over. I had calmed him, I had smiled at him, and I had assured him. I loved Mikey, he was one of my best friends, and I never blamed him for a second.

My smile wasn't real. My words were, but my smile wasn't. It felt like never again would a smile be real, never again would it reach my eyes like it used to. I knew it, and I accepted it, for there was nothing else to do.

The bad thing about being a published author was the press. Everyone seemed to care suddenly. Everyone seemed to want to let me know how sorry they were. All my fans, all my readers, all my colleagues, and all the people out there I didn't know – but who claimed they knew me.

I received phone call after phone call, letter after letter, and email after email. I unplugged my phone, turned my cell off, stopped getting the mail and pulled my internet out. I closed myself off in our (well mine now) apartment, and spent every day sitting on the couch, looking at all mine and Gerard's home movies.

We had so many, because he always told me "Frank, when we're old and our memories suck, we need to have proof that our memories are memories and not some daydream".

I always laughed, but always agreed.

We had movies from birthdays, from concerts, from dinners, from cuddles, from weddings, from parties… we had movies from everything. Some short, some long. Some shot with a digital camera, held by one of us (mostly Gerard, he had longer arms than me) at a concert or at the movies or just at star bucks. Some of the movies were more professional, and some of them were filmed by our parents or Mikey.

Showing us cutting up our wedding cake, showing me holding a toast to Gerard when we celebrated two years as a married couple, and some of them showing us making out on the dance floor drunkenly – most of those were filmed by Mikey and his giggle could always be heard on the film.

I couldn't turn the tapes off, and I couldn't stop watching them, no matter how much it killed me. I had nothing else, nothing that mattered. All that I wanted was to see Gerard smile at me. I wanted to hear him shout "I love you Frankie" on a tape from his birthday party. I wanted to see his eyes shine with love at our wedding.

And I wanted him dying to be a dream.

When I was too tired to watch more of the movies, I still left them on, just to hear his voice. I slept on the couch, the movies still running in the background.

And before I fell asleep crying, I would wrap myself up tightly in the blanket, and repeat Gerard's last words to myself.

"Until death do us part Frankie, promise me that. I love you."
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Until Death Do Us Part [Frerard]