The Voice of a Prophet

THE VOICE OF A PROPHET
Chapter One
SETSUNA

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"Your lyrics are always so sad, Kyo-chan."
Lifting my dark chocolate hues slowly, I shot a sharp glare at the tall male looking over my little pocket-sized blue notebook in his hands, the one I always kept on me for my poetry. One never knew when inspiration would hit, thus it's tiny, mobile size. I had left it out on the table before me while I was gazing intently at the ever-interesting empty spot before me, deep in my own pointless thoughts while waiting for the bassist to get his happy ass into the practice room. He was late, again. And god, how I hated that little nick-name. Taking a deep sigh, I spoke in a flat, quiet monotone, returning my eyes to having a staring contest with nothing in particular. "It's what I'm good at."
The rhythm guitarist sighed a bit himself now, reaching forward to set the book back upon the table gently before me, almost as if he was sorry he had picked it up to look to begin with. "I suppose so," he said, stuffing a hand into a pocket of the lazy fitting blue jeans he wore before continuing. "I'm beginning to wonder where you get the inspiration for your songs." I did nothing in reply but offer a slight shrug of my shoulders. I never was very social - Die, Kisaki, and Kaoru were enough for all of us. Before the other could do more than open his mouth to begin some sort of wisecrack or another though - about me, I was sure - the doors swung open and in wandered the last missing member. All eyes shifted to him naturally, and immediately my nose could pick up the slight scent of alcohol in the air he had brought in with him. Wonderful.
Kaoru was the first to speak up, being the leader and all. He had been sitting at the other end of the table in silence as well, only he was entertained by the portable video game in his talented hands. Now the soft ding of it being turned off was audible in the quiet room. Rather than scolding the other for being nearly thirty minutes late though, he simply set his jaw and stated lowly, "I finished the last bits and pieces of 'Setsuna'. Ready to record?"
I mentally groaned. This was the fourth time this week Kisaki had stumbled in late and drunken to our little get-togethers, and I'm sure he had never been yelled at for doing so. Of course when I manage to sleep in and arrive ten or fifteen minutes late, I get glared at like hell and nobody talks to me much for the entirety of the practice. Not that anybody usually did to begin with though, but that could be my own fault for not being very good at holding a conversation. Pushing myself to my booted feet, I moved over towards the little stand that held my part of the piece we had been working on for a while. Everyone else moved to do the same, flipping through the little booklets with the correct notation, and we began practice - putting in our word here and there, the final touches for our latest song. Once we were set, recording began. The instruments were first of course, to be mixed all together that way I could put vocals to the piece.

Allowing for a small yawn to slip past my lips, I relaxed back into the lounging couch as now Kisaki took his turn in the small soundproof room. God, how I hated him. He was an attention whore, thinking he was better than everyone. Every time we played live he'd move to stand in front of me, blocking my view of the audience and play all over the place. It was sloppy, and it made me feel even smaller. I swear he had something against me. What, I wasn't sure, but I knew he wasn't as much of a dick to anyone else as he was to me. He had a tendency to counter any suggestions I had with our music too, making sure it took the turns and changes he wanted, so that I would seem like I had no idea what I was doing and was just along for the ride. Not to mention he thought he was funny, and I seemed to be the root of all his teasings. Die was a teaser too, but Shinya was his guinea pig, and he wasn't half as rude about it as Kisaki.
Light laughter floated from the other end of the room, where Die was indeed picking on Shinya, prodding the man's drumsticks while he tried to practice on a silent drum set and attempting to playfully mess him up. Glancing around my eyes soon fell upon the leader, who seemed deep in concentration as he listened to the bass. Hard at work as usual. I found a soft, shy smile tugging at the corners of my lips just then. I knew he would be listening to me soon. Watching me through that glass, taking in my lyrics, my sound. And I had practiced hard for him. Even when we weren't expected to, I holed myself up in my little apartment and sang until I felt faint and my voice was coarse. Tried to perfect myself so that he could be proud of me. It didn't matter that I felt miserable with the bassist around. For that brief moment in time, while I recorded my song, it would be only me - me, and him, watching me spill my soul completely out to him once more.
"Kyo!"
I quickly snapped out of whatever daydream I was having at the moment and looked startled over towards the direction of which my name had come, just in time to see Kaoru tapping his pen upon the stack of papers in front of him. Kisaki was exiting the recording booth, dragging his bass and cord with him. It was amazing the man could play after drinking, but I never thought he was very good at music anyway so it didn't make much of a difference I figured. "Gomen nasai, Kaoru..." I bowed my head sheepishly before rising to a stand once more. Reaching out to swipe my book off of the nearby stand, I headed into the small room without another word.
Once inside I closed the door behind me with a soft click. A soft sigh filtered past my lips yet again as I began to set up my little area. I didn't need as much room as the other members since it was just me and my voice. Settling the headphones snug over my ears I cleared my throat, and it wasn't long before I heard the music pouring softly into my ears to guide me. I shifted my weight from foot to foot, a bit nervous - but I guess I always was when singing. To me, vocals were a lot harder than any instrument. Focusing on the words in front of me, I opened my mouth and began. "I dive into light..."
Pausing to take a breath, I relaxed a bit and fell more naturally into the music. My words came more clearly as I went along, voice rising and falling with emotion. " " Lifting my hands to absentmindedly settle them over the headphones, I closed my eyes and simply... sang. Sang to the one person I really, truly cared for. As if we were together, alone, as if he had asked me to sing, for him. I would try my absolute best to make him smile.
Cracking my dark hues open then, I peeked out the transparent windows at him seated there, watching me with his features set and lost in thought, lost in music. Only... he wasn't watching me. Rather my leader's eyes were focused on something else - someone else. A rather annoying bassist that seemed to be entertaining him at the moment, probably saying something witty about how I sounded. Needless to say, I was more than jealous of the grin he had succeeded in getting out of Kaoru. Before I really could comprehend what was happening though, my voice faltered and I fucked up my lyrics. Badly. Of course.
A gasp of surprise left my lips as I glanced up and out at my leader, realizing my mistake, and for brief moment, our eyes had locked. I felt as if his eyes were piercing right through that glass and boring deep, deep inside of me then. A rush of shame flushed through me and I immediately lowered my head apologetically, pursing my lips into a frown as the music in my ears stopped. I knew what he would be thinking. Complaining to everyone else, that we had been over the song a thousand times. That we had practiced for ages on this piece. Wait, no, he wouldn't be doing it audibly. He was more like the type to grumble under his breath in 'leader-mode', and calmly pretend that he wasn't irritated, and go back to being his goofy self. He really was a rather upbeat, fun-loving guy with a sense of humor, as long as he wasn't too busy with taking his job too seriously - another reason why I liked him so. I thought he balanced out my rather boring, quiet demeanor quite nicely. God, I was pathetic.
Glancing upwards once more as I realized the music wasn't coming back on, reluctantly dragging myself out of my thoughts, I noted everyone was waiting for something outside. Hanging my head a bit I mouthed an apology, knowing they wouldn't be able to hear anything outside of this soundproof room anyway and waved my hand a bit, signaling that all was good now. And there was the music. I sighed a bit through my nose, softly so as my microphone wouldn't pick it up and ruin the recording track again - I'd have to start over once more. I allowed for my eyes to drift closed, but left my mind quiet this time. I wouldn't watch anybody outside either. Parting my lips slowly, I tried again. "I dive into light..."

It took me three tries before I finished the song completely and at least sounded halfway decent. My heart just wasn't in it anymore. Here I was, hoping I would go into the room and do an excellent job, so that he would be proud of me - and instead I screw it up several times and loose his attention completely, not to mention I'm sure he was mad at me now. Dragging myself slowly out of the recording room I tossed my book half-heartedly upon the table, dropping into a seat with a huff. My eyes went nowhere, I was ashamed.
"Good job, Kyo."
Of course he'd try and make me feel better. That was part of his job. In reality he and I both knew I hadn't done well, so even his kind-but-false words weren't much of an uplifter. I offered nothing but a small shrug of my shoulders. And then it came - but I should have been expecting it, really.
"That little squeak was so adorable though, don't you think? Makes our little Kyo-chan seem so young, we should have left it."
I fucking hate Kisaki.
Light laughter floated through the others, but I knew - well, hoped anyway - that they were only snickering to humor him. I lowered my head further, dropping my dark hues to watch the ground between my feet without a word. I felt so... weak today. My lips tugged into a deep frown as I thought over my mistakes, mentally scolding myself to practice harder and do better next time. I couldn't help but think about him though, how his beautiful smile... was caused by someone else. Hell, he probably was more proud of the bassist whom played drunk than me. Maybe next time I would drink until I threw up.
My attention lifted just in time to see Kisaki at my spare practice mic now, swaying back and forth like an idiot and spouting out horribly off tune lyrics to the song I had just finished. By now most everyone else was actually ignoring him, figuring he was just too wasted to make any sense. That made me feel a little better, knowing that at least they all didn't hate me as much as he did. Clenching my fists tightly I simply glared at the male, chewing absentmindedly at my lower lip. Devious thoughts of how I would kill him someday played through my twisted little mind as I felt myself getting angrier at him. I just wanted to rip his stupid head off. How come he could make my leader smile? Make him laugh? He made him happier than I did, and I tried so damn hard every day. The feeling of my long nails breaking the skin open on my palm did little to bring me back, and I felt wetness gather in the corner of my eyes. No - I couldn't show myself as that weak. I couldn't let everyone else see that side of me, couldn't let him see that side of me. So I did something stupid.
Pushing to a stand rather quickly, it took me little time to cross the distance between me and the bassist. Apparently quick movement suddenly coming from me was unexpected, as I could hear the others perking up to see what was going on. But I didn't care right now. Afraid to let my tears show, I covered my emotions with rage. My hands flew out before me and shoved harshly, sending the other male crashing back into my microphone. It didn't help any that he was drunk either, stumbling over his feet and the mic stand until he tumbled onto the ground, taking everything with him. Narrowing my chocolate hues to simple slits, I glared at the man in his new position on the floor. I could feel all the hatred I had for him bubbling up, the adrenaline, and I grit my teeth as I practically sneered. "I fucking hate you!!"
My first little explosion had seemingly caught everyone else off guard, but as soon as I had stated that, I heard Kaoru's voice call distantly after me, telling me to stop. No, demanding that I stop in his leader-tone. But I didn't care right now. I lowered my hands to grip the other around the collar and yank him upwards a bit, pulling him level to my face, and just looking at him made me want to... I screamed at him. Releasing one side of his shirt, my fist met the side of his ugly face. He hit the floor once more and I heard the shuffle of the other's moving behind me. Somebody called my name out again, but I paid them no mind. Instead I moved to hit him again, square in the gut. Which was a lovely move on my part, it had caused him to promptly vomit all over the practice floor. Ugh. Soon enough I felt hands touching me though, one wrapping around my lithe mid-section and the other grappling for my wrist, yanking me away. I was trembling with hatred, fighting against whomever had pulled me off of the bassist. "God damn you!!"
"Kyo, calm down! Stop!"
I froze up. The person who had pulled me tight against them was him. Oh shit. A light whimper fell without permission from my lips then, and I slumped slightly in his hold, dropping my fists. My eyes caught the other two members heading towards Kisaki, checking to see if he was alright, but I soon lowered my hues to the floor again. I allowed for my leader to drag me away, out the door and into the outside air. Once there he released his tight hold on me, and dropped his hands square on my shoulders. Frowning deeply, my hands wrought themselves with one another before me, keeping my head bowed low in shame. It also prevented me from having to look into his eyes, having to see his expression - trying to figure out what the hell was wrong with me.
"What was that all about."
It wasn't asked as a question, he expected an answer. I took a deep, somewhat shaky breath and released it slowly, shifting my weight from one foot to the next. "... I'm sorry, Kaoru..."
The leader sighed a bit, removing his hands from me and dropping them casually at his sides. I could just feel him watching me. "I didn't ask you to apologize, I asked you to tell me why that happened."
I lifted my dark gaze a bit, finally meeting with his concerned eyes. He must have felt sorry for the pout upon my round features then, because he lifted a hand and settled it almost comfortingly upon my shoulder once more. I couldn't hold his eyes though, and lowered my head again before answering him. "... I'm sorry..." I couldn't think of anything else to say to him. I couldn't just spill my guts and tell him how much I loathed the bassist, that would make our band fall apart. I didn't want to disappoint him in that way. Sighing once more, I scuffed the sole of my boot across the cement slightly. "... I..." Don't like how he makes fun of me? Don't like how he's a lazy, sloppy dick? Really don't like how you like him better than me?
Kaoru sighed once more and removed his hand again. He mustn't have been as blind as I thought, because his next words threw me way off. "It won't happen again, because he's gone."
I perked up, eyes wide. "What?" Panic struck through me. Kaoru was calling off the practice? No - the band? The elder turned and moved to head back inside. I could see the disappointment held in his posture. I had failed him. Again. This time permanently. I whined softly, reaching out with a hand though I wouldn't dare touch him. "Kaoru, please...!" Following after him, I pleaded with everything I had. "I won't do it again, I swear! I'm fine, I don't know what the hell that was, onegai...!" All my words seemed to go in one ear and out the other though, as Kaoru didn't stop. I halted briefly before the door. All I wanted was to make him proud of me. To have him be able to say he was leader of the most amazing band, to make him happy. Instead I fuck everything to hell and back, and now we don't even have a band. Now he'll have no reason to even see me, there won't be any practices. He would drift away from me.
God damn it.
Dragging my feet heavily back inside, I shut the door behind me with a soft click. My eyes lifted slowly to see the others, apparently Shinya had cleaned the mess and Die got Kisaki back to his feet. Kaoru was moving to stack his papers together. They didn't look too angry though - save for the bassist who was glaring a hole through me - and I heard Die speak up playfully. Always one to try and lighten the mood. "Oi, you sure are a vicious little Warumono, ne?" And he chuckled softly.

The nickname stuck. We had our last concert about a month after that, with not much practicing in between. I cried. Setsuna was never released - though Kaoru had put it together so that we all could have it if we wanted, our last song.

La:Sadies' last song together.

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Added the first chapter just to keep you guys interested. Again, comment please! Tell me what you like, didn't like, or would like to see! As with most authors, I will not update if I do not see reviews. I have eight chapters ready to be posted, so it's up to you to see them! ;)