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Thorns	By : dismonster Category: J-Rock/J-Pop & K-Pop > Access Views: 815 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not know or own Dir en grey, I am in no way affiliated with the band. Everything is fictional and I make no profit off writing this.

Chapter List
- 1-Thorns
- 2-Thorns Prt. 2
- 1
- 2
“Why don’t you begin where you left off during our last session?” He pushed his glasses from his head down to his nose and peered down at his paper, “You mentioned he didn’t enter the room for several days?”

“Yes.”

“What was going through your mind?”

“What could I possibly be thinking?” I glanced up at him momentarily, shifting my weight before peering back to my clasped hands, “I was nervous but, I was exhausted. He only fed me enough to keep me alive and I had my moments where I would fight against the chains- that left me feeling weakened. Those days he didn’t enter the room I merely slept. I couldn’t seem to do anything else.”
“I see. Why don’t you tell me what happened from there.”

“Well…I found myself sleeping more than usual, like I said. When he finally entered the room again, I was wide awake. He must not have realized that- because he kept the small candle in his hands lit.”
“Did you happen to see his face at this point?”

“Not at first. Honestly, upon seeing a glimmer of light, I became too wary to even lift my head. I had closed my eyes tightly, only opening them into tiny slits. For some reason he lingered by the door in complete silence. Even though I had been lucky enough that he hadn’t yet hurt me, his behavior had struck up that fear in my head. Maybe he was finally going to kill me. Slowly I had opened my eyes to find that he had moved from the door over to the bedside. It took him a moment before he finally saw my open eyes- he quickly extinguished the dancing flame and left the room in darkness yet again. Though my eyes had hardly adjusted I did happen to catch a glimpse of his face.”

"And?"

"Well, he had large, dark eyes and a sculpted face. His skin was pale but his hair was black."

"At this point, I am right to assume you still held the notion that you two were strangers?"

I paused, raising my gaze to the man across from me, "I told you before, I had no idea who he was."

"I mean," he gave a soft chuckle, "you had not seen him before you were abducted? In a bar, the supermarket?"

Shaking my head I remained silent.

"Please continue."

I stayed quiet for another moment to regain my thoughts before speaking, "I began to call after him, 'wait, come back!', 'Please don't leave me here!'- hoping that my persistent pleading might make him return. I was wrong. The urgency in my voice only seemed to frustrate him further- he never returned. The pacing that night was the worst I had witnessed. I had that brief moment of light, before he had left, to look around the room. Instead of focusing on his pacing- I closed my eyes tightly and tried to remember what the room looked like. For some reason I thought that if I could remember something important, I could find a way to get out of there. The more I laid there and thought, the more I realized that there was nothing in the room of great importance. Merely flowers, everywhere. I did realize though, that he had been entering the room to change the flowers out with fresh ones. And on the desks near me were large vases of fragrant red roses."

"Did that strike you as something of importance? The flowers?"

"Not really," I bit on my lip, "It was the only thing I could recall."

The white haired doctor paused for a moment; I watched the eraser end of his pencil move swiftly across his paper before he brought his gaze back up to my face. "I hope you don't mind if I change the subject for a moment."

"Not at all."

"How have you been sleeping lately, Daisuke? Have those pills been helping any?"

I brought my hand up to my face, resting my elbow against the cool metal arm of the chair, "Some nights they have. Some nights they won't get me to sleep."

"And the nightmares?"

"On-going.."

"Hm," he flipped through his papers a few times, "I think we might have to raise your dose." I watched him pull out a small blue pad and scribble over the surface quickly, "I want you to take two of these tonight when you get home. I would take these with a meal, it should help from getting any kind of stomach irritation."

He didn't bother to look up as he scribbled across the paper yet again, "And take this, once a day."

"What is this?"

"It's a mild anti-depressant. It should help you regain some kind of normalcy in your life."

I stared at the two slips of paper, "How long do I have to take the depression pills?"

"Don't worry," he gave me some sort of smile, "you won't be on these long term. Your abduction is still fresh in your mind and it is impacting your self esteem and your daily activities. Your family has expressed great concern at your behavior. You'll only take them until you feel like yourself again."

"Like myself, huh?" My words seemed to go un-noticed as he rose from his seat.

"I'd like to see you again soon, Daisuke. How does early Monday sound, around 10 a.m.?"

"I'll see you then." I said under my breath, collecting my bag and the two new prescriptions that I had been handed. New frustrations were building in my head- his only answer was to put me on more pills. Lately, I seemed to be popping them left and right. I still had this aching feeling in my head and the spot where I realized my heart lay; nothing I did could remedy what I felt.

Hell, I couldn't even explain to myself what feeling I was having. Even Toshiya seemed a million miles away when I entered our small apartment. The brunette was lounging in the living room watching MTV, the lights of the television flashing across his face- he hardly noticed when I had passed behind him to the kitchen. Curling my fingers around the light switch, I flipped it on; I had filled the prescriptions on the way home and I found myself eager to take them, despite my reluctance to pills in the first place.

"You're home?" he called from his seat, craning his head to look at me, "Why didn't you say anything?"

"You were pre-occupied."

"Bullshit," Toshiya rose to his feet and quickly closed the space between us, "What is this?" I watched his long fingers reach for my wrist, holding it in place as he snatched the new bottle away from me. "He's giving you more pills? I thought things were starting to get better?"

"I still can't sleep, Toshiya. If I can't sleep, I can't function. I haven't been back to work in weeks. I honestly," I exhaled sharply, "I honestly would like to have my life back."

"I told you to take all the time you need. I can manage for the both of us."

"On your salary? We're barely getting by as it is."

My companion seemed to grow frustrated at my voice, "Barely getting by? Don't give me that shit, Die. We're doing great, I don't know where you get all of this negative shit that seems to be floating around in your head. I'm here for you, but I don't know what else I can do for you. It's impossible."

"Nothing," I pushed the pills to the back of my throat, raising a glass of water to my lips and pulling swiftly from his grasp, "forget it Toshiya. I'm getting through this as best as I can. You're free to leave when you want. I'm sorry to be a burden to you."

"I don't want to leave you, Die." He grabbed me yet again, this time by the shoulders. I could feel him staring at me but I refused to look at him, "I'm not going to leave you. I'm sorry, I'm just frustrated. This never would have happened if I didn't leave you in that ba-"

"Toshiya." I cut him off before he could continue any further. I didn't want to think about that night, "It's not your fault. I'm going to lay down. I haven't sleep at all lately."

Allowing him to pull my into an embrace, I lingered there for a moment listening to his breathing. I slipped my arms softly around his waist and relaxed against him. He was kissing my forehead, down to my ear, "I'm sorry Die, do you want me to join you?"

Shaking my head I pulled from his grasp, "Not tonight. I just need some time to myself."
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Thorns