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The End of the Road	By : theProphet Category: > Kyo/Kaoru Views: 1311 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction. I don't know Dir en grey and don't profit from these writings.

Chapter List
- 1
- 2
- 3
I’m not good at keeping my updates regular anymore, but at least they’re coming XD Hope you’ll like this chapter :)

CHAPTER 2

Miyavi yawned loudly and supported his head with his hand. He looked so tired and spent that Toshiya actually felt sincere pity for his lover. Miyavi didn't even bother to make himself look presentable today - he just put on the first pair or jeans he found in his wardrobe and long-sleeved t-shirt. A hat was hiding his disheveled and out of order hair and half of his eyes and he didn't take it off even inside the cafe they were having lunch. And Toshiya always thought that the day when his lover will not give a damn about his looks will only signify the end of the world. Miyavi just NEVER went out without first making sure he looked gorgeous.
Miyavi yawned again and Toshiya called a waitress to their table and ordered another cup of strong black coffee for his lover.
"I swear I'm not going to make through the day" Miyavi murmured and closed his eyes for a moment. "I've slept like... an hour tonight?"
Toshiya nodded and smiled sympathetically.
"But it was worth it, wasn't it?" he asked playfully and Miyavi grinned.
"Yeah... I've missed you so much! I couldn't keep my hands off you" Miyavi smiled dreamily remembering how yesterday Toshiya was finally back and as soon as he crossed the threshold of Miyavi's flat, they were all over each other until the early hours of the morning. Miyavi slept an hour at most and Toshiya was barely able to make him to get up to work.
"And I didn't even ask how was the tour..." Miyavi said lifting the second cup of coffee to his lips. "Though you told me all the details on the phone."
"Yeah, I guess I did" Toshiya laughed. "I really liked it overall, I just would love it if Kyo next time wouldn't be so... wouldn't be himself next time."
"What do you mean?"
"Kyo looked like he was going through some kind of punishment instead of a tour all the time. Though I cannot really blame him... The things that people said about him were not really nice... I mean, I understand little English, but even I could understand most of what they were saying about Kyo. I'm really glad Kyo doesn't speak English at all."
"But what did people say?" Miyavi looked at Toshiya eagerly.
"Well... Basically that he just doesn't look like a member of a rock band, because he's so tiny and small."
"Well, he is tiny and small!"
"But his voice compensates it all! And it's not his fault he didn't grow up taller! It's not nice to make fun of him behind his back because of something he can't be responsible of! I mean, it wouldn't be such a problem if Kyo just ignored it all."
"But he didn't?"
"Yeah... He took it pretty hard and soon just gave up being nice altogether. He was really unsocial during the whole tour."
"Well, he should remember that it's his job and in spite of all the disadvantages he must do what is required of him! I could never understand how all of you can tolerate his moods and just let him do whatever he wants!"
"It's not really like that... OK, Kaoru really gives Kyo more freedom in the band than to the rest of us, but when we're at work and we're really busy, Kaoru is hard on all of us and Kyo is no exception as well. It's just... I really hoped we could all just have fun at the tour... We did have fun if Kyo wasn't there."
"I think you should just forget about him, Totchi. He's not a baby any more. He has to learn to deal with difficult situations. And it's not your problem at all."
Toshiya half shrugged, half nodded and lit himself a cigarette.
"How is your work going, Myvs?"
"It's fine, but let's not talk about work any more. Will you come over tonight?"
"Should I?" Toshiya smirked. "You're barely alive now, I think the moment you'll come home, you'll drop dead on your bed and sleep."
"I promise I'll try to be at least a bit conscious just for you, babe" Miyavi whispered and lifted one side of his lips in a small smile. This little smirk was Toshiya's favorite and it made him beam all over.
"You don't have to ask, Miyavi. Of course I'm coming over at your place! I'm now free for some days, so I can stay with you all the time. We've just had an after-tour meeting and THANKFULLY we were blessed with some time off."
"Several days is not much."
"Yeah, but there's lots of work ahead as always, so no time to rest."
Miyavi rummaged in his bag for some time and took out a bundle of keys.
"Here, these are from my apartment. Just buy some food before going home, because if I remember correctly my fridge is empty."
"Yeah, it is! I didn't find any decent food for breakfast!" Toshiya laughed. "What on earth do you eat?"
"When you were away, I always had meals in restaurants and in the studio" Miyavi shrugged. "No need to bother with cooking."
Miyavi pushed the second cup aside and leaned in the chair.
"That was so nice... I love having dinners here, the food is superb."
Toshiya nodded and offered Miyavi his pack of cigarettes.
"Actually... I decided to quit smoking."
Toshiya's eyebrows rose in surprise.
"Really? When did you decide it?"
"A few days ago. I wanted to do it a lot of time ago, but never had enough willpower. But I think it really is enough, I want to quit."
"Oookay" Toshiya said thoughtfully. "But will you manage? Everyone is smoking around you and I'm not quitting, so..."
"It's OK, I'm not asking you to do that as well. I just decided finally and haven't smoked for four days already, so that's a good start. I'll manage."
Toshiya smiled.
"I'll keep this in mind and try not to make it hard for you. I'll now have to smoke while hiding!"
Miyavi laughed and nodded.
"Your effort will be highly appreciated!"
Toshiya nodded and looked at his watch.
"We have to go, you have to be back at work soon."
"Oh, yeah..." Miyavi looked at his watch reluctantly and sighted.
They paid for their food and left the café. As some people were looking at them, most probably recognizing Miyavi, Toshiya had to stop himself from kissing his lover. Instead, he hugged him shortly and waved goodbye.
His car was right in front of café. Toshiya decided to stop by the mall on the way back to buy some food so that he could prepare something for Miyavi in the evening. He put on Miyavi's album in the car and while listening to the music and his lover's voice, he thought of what he could prepare for dinner. Toshiya was already looking forward to another evening alone with his lover.
***
Die leaned back in the chair and patted his stomach.
"Fuck, it was just wonderful! I had missed Japanese food SO MUCH!"
Shinya smirked and sipped some more green tea.
"You're such a winy thing, Die."
"I'm not! Why do you say that?" Die pushed the plate aside and to Shinya's displeasure lit up a cigarette.
"You could at least stop complaining that you missed Japanese food when we're actually already back home and can eat anything we want."
"Huh..."
Shinya finished drinking tea and collected the plates from the table and put them in the sink.
"We need to do the shopping today, I don't want to eat from take-out for supper. We also need to buy some things like toilet paper and tissues, and I think we're almost out of matches."
"Shin-chan, can we just relax today?"
"Of course not! What do you suppose we're gonna eat when the fridge is empty? And do you suggest to wipe my ass with your music sheets?"
Die smirked and stood up.
"Weeell, I would, but I guess Kaoru wouldn’t be too thrilled to get them back after you're done."
"You're so disgusting, Die!"
Die just smirked and Shinya tried to keep his face straight, but failed miserably, as a grin spread on his lips as well. Die came closer and pecked Shinya on the lips.
"I just don't want to go anywhere for a change. I missed just sitting at home in private and just lazing."
"Me too, but..."
"Yeah, yeah" Die interrupted him and put his hand on Shinya's waist so that he could push him closer to his body. "I know we need to do the shopping, but let's drop by that sex store we saw near by. I want to try that bent thingy that they sell."
Shinya's face screwed in displeasure and he pushed Die away.
"I'm not going anywhere near that thing, Die. And especially you're not trying it on me!"
"But why?" Die whined. "It would make things more interesting."
"Anything but that, Die! That thing is just... too huge for me."
Die pouted, but it wasn't helping. Shinya crossed his arms and this time managed to keep his facial expression stern and determined.
"You're no fun at all" Die teased, but Shinya didn't budge at all. "OK, OK, I'm not buying that."
"Of course you're not buying that" Shinya said calmly. Sometimes he even himself was amused at how much Die would try to convince him of something even if they both knew that Shinya was the one usually making the final decision.
"But I still want to try something new."
"Die, I really don't think that us going together in a sex store is a good idea in the first place. Who knows who might be passing by at the same moment. We don't need to make our relationship public."
"OK, let's do it like this - while I'm in a sex shop, you can wait in that Italian ice-cream cafe and enjoy pistachio flavored ice-cream."
"OK, just... just don't buy anything I wouldn't buy."
"That narrows it to the lube and condoms" Die said and Shinya frowned again.
“Just kidding!” Die laughed. “Let’s just go finally.”
They went to the hall and Die started putting his shoes on. Shinya for some reason just stopped and watch him bowing down to reach his feet, his ass sticking out, clad in tight blue jeans. When Die suddenly turned to look at him, Shinya was caught off guard.
“What on earth are you looking at?" Die asked curiously, noticing strange expression on Shinya’s face.
"Oh, just stuff..."
"Stuff, huh? What kind of stuff?"
Shinya turned to look at Die and smirked.
"I was just thinking how I'm going to fuck you raw when we get back."
Die for a moment just stared at Shinya, surprised by the unexpected declaration.
“Are you high or something?”
“Or something” Shinya shot back, smiling smugly.
“Who are you and what did you do to my lovely Shin-chan.”
Die stepped closer and drew Shinya in his arms. Shinya puts his arms on Die’s chest, but Die still manage to squish him to himself. He leaned closer and kissed Shinya on the lips gently.
“But I love this new change.”
Shinya smiled back and kissed Die with a longer, more passionate kiss.
“So… Are you going to fuck me of have you already chickened out?”
“We have to run the errands first.”
Die screwed his face in displeasure and Shinya laughed.
“But then, I promise, I will live up to your expectations!”
He then suddenly smiled shyly to Die and added.
“Or at least I’ll try.”
“You’re so adorable!” was all Die said to that. “Come on, let’s hurry then.”
Shinya nodded.
He really hoped he had enough stamina to do what he said he’d do on the sudden feeling of extreme need for his gorgeous body of his lover.
***
Kyo looked at the caller ID: Shinya-kun. He pushed the green button and put the phone to his ear.
"Hi, Shinya."
"Hi, Kyo. I hope I'm not calling too late?"
"No, we're not asleep yet. Well, I'm already in bed, but not sleeping yet."
"Where's Kaoru?"
"In the shower."
"Ah, ok."
"..."
"How are you, Kyo?"
"I'm fine."
"No, I mean, really... how are you feeling after the tour has finally ended?"
Kyo sighted and rubbed his temples with his free hand. He really didn't want to talk about any of that stuff now.
"I'm ok, Shinya. I'm happy we're back home."
"..."
"There's nothing more to add, Shinya."
"..."
"Shinya, don't start, please."
"..."
Kyo growled in frustration, seeing that Shinya didn't even think of dropping the subject.
"I'm disappointed in myself, OK? Happy now?"
"No, I'm not happy at all about that. Why would you be disappointed in yourself?"
"Because of how I behaved during the tour! When I look back at it now, I understand that I was a burden to all of you..."
"We just thought that you'd be happier, Kyo. I understand that it was hard because of the language and the lack of privacy, but we managed somehow. And if you would have just asked, we would have abandoned the bus for an hour so that you and Kaoru would have some time together."
"Kaoru would never have agreed to such a thing" Kyo growled, lowering his voice as he heard that the water in the shower was turned off.
"Maybe... But still, Kyo, it seemed like every minute spent there for you was a torture. Me and Die, and Toshiya as well, we all had fun and it was a hard, but a very interesting experience, but you just... you just looked like we kidnapped you and forced you to stay with us and sing in a band."
"I'm sorry..."
"No, Kyo, I'm not calling to hear an apology, I'm calling because I'm worried about you. Are you feeling better now?"
"I am, Shin-chan. I told you I am sorry for my behavior, but I just... I don't know... I guess I expected it to be less stressful. And all the comments about my height..."
"Oh, Kyo-kun" Shinya smiled affectionately. "Kyo, you know perfectly well that you don't need to give a shit about all that nonsense! Most of the Japanese are of your height and it's normal! I never thought that you'd ever think some stranger's opinion would count!"
"It doesn't. And I regret that I reacted like I did to everything they said... But it was just so frustrating..."
He heard Shinya sigh at the other end of the line and smiled a bit.
"I'm thrilled that you're so worried about me, Shinya."
"Isn't that what friends are for? I will always care about you, Kyo. You can trust me."
"I know. I trust you, Shinya, and you know that. You've done so much for me back then..."
There was a silence at the other end and Kyo glanced at the direction of the shower. Kaoru usually took his time, but Kyo was still worried about him overhearing this conversation.
"Kyo-kun, tell me this hasn't anything to do with him."
Kyo closed his eyes for a moment thinking if he could just lie to Shinya for once and to protect him from more worrying over problems that were not even his.
"Kyo... Please, don't you think about that bastard! You know he was a total ass and everything he said was so fucked up that you should have never believed him in the first place!"
"I know" Kyo exhaled, gripping the phone tighter. "But..."
"Kyo-kun, you're so much better person than him! He was feeding you crap and you know it! How can you still be affected by his words and actions?!"
"I'm trying, Shinya... I'm over him, I swear, but it's just that... he left me with such a big scar in my self esteem that I still cannot rid of it till now. You know how it is when you're young... And even now, after so much time has passed, I still… I mean, I'm not afraid of him any more, I'm wiser and much more mature now and I know that he is just some shithead, but... he said the same things about me that those foreigner said and I..."
"Kyo!" Shinya interrupted him, getting angry. "You MUST stop thinking about him and all that happened in the past! I think you should tell Kaoru---"
"No! No way! Shinya, please, you promised to keep it a secret!"
"And I am keeping it a secret, not even Die knows! But I think you'd feel much better if Kaoru knew!"
"No!" Kyo almost shouted desperately, terrified even of the thought of telling Kaoru. "Do you think he'd be happy to hear all that? I'd lied to him for all these years! And it's all in the past, there's no point in him knowing all that shit! And if I'd tell him... What will he think of me? I was so stupid! He already has to constantly be a better person in our relationship. I don't want to sink even lower in his eyes!"
Shinya, hearing the same things from Kyo again, wanted to just smack him. Kyo just didn't want to accept the fact that he said all that just because he still felt insecure about himself - the insecurity about himself left as a present from him. Kaoru, of all people, would definitely understand and still love him, but he could just never make Kyo understand this. And telling Kaoru himself was out of question. Kyo confided in him and he promised to keep his secret. And Shinya was a better man than to break Kyo's trust in him.
But he didn't manage to say anything more because Die showed up in the doorway, looking curiously at him.
"Just, please, Kyo, forget all the shit they said! You're a wonderful person and a genius singer! Strangers' opinions don’t count, OK?"
"Yeah, sure..."
"I have to go now, Die’s already done with his dinner. We're going to bed early. I kind of still feel tired."
"OK, bye, Shinya."
"Bye."
Kyo put the phone on the table by the bed and sighed. He didn't want to bring the same subject again. They barely ever spoke about it. But Shinya was right of one thing - he would have felt better during the tour if not that God-damned insecurity about himself. And it was only that bastard's fault Kyo still felt this way about himself. He knew it was stupid, but he just couldn't help himself. It was carved deep in his memory and refused to leave him. It was the only thing he never told Kaoru and felt bad about it. But he was sure that telling Kaoru would not bring anything good at all. Not after so many years have passed. Kaoru would just get disappointed in him. And most of all Kyo was afraid of Kaoru finally getting fed up and finding somebody much better than Kyo. He lost Kaoru far too many times to be able to handle it once more.
He would never survive another split up. Kaoru always assured him that he loved Kyo, but things happened. People split up after years and years of marriage and there was no guarantee that the same didn't await them. Kyo was sure about his feelings for Kaoru, but he was also sure that the more Kaoru got disappointed in him, the bigger the chance was that one day he would just have enough and end it all.
Footsteps distracted Kyo form his thoughts and he turned to look at Kaoru. Kaoru wore his pajama pants and his hair was still damp and stood out in every direction. Kyo smiled a bit to himself - Kaoru looked gorgeous like this. He didn't need flashy clothes or a sharp tongue. Kyo loved him like this - with pajama pants and his green slippers on, still drying his hair with a towel and looking tired, but relaxed.
"I thought I heard voices" Kaoru said and looked curiously at Kyo.
"Shinya just called."
"Was he checking up on you?" Kaoru smiled and Kyo nodded curtly. Kaoru chuckled and threw the towel on the chair. "He should trust me more. I can take care of my lover myself."
Kaoru put out the lights and climbed into bed next to Kyo. Kyo made some space for him, but as soon as Kaoru was in bed and under the blanket, Kyo snuggled against him, hugging his lover's waist and putting his head as close to Kaoru's damp hair as possible.
"You smell nice" Kyo murmured, already feeling sleepy.
Kaoru didn't say anything back, but just smiled a bit and turned his back to Kyo. He found Kyo's hand under the blanket and took it in his, making Kyo lie even closer to him and feeling Kyo's chest with his back.
"Are you comfortable like this?" he asked and felt Kyo nodding briefly. "Are you feeling better?"
"Umm..."
"You're a bad lair, Kyo."
"I'm sorry... I'm a total wreck today..."
"We'll have to do something to lift up your mood tomorrow."
"Just be with me the whole day, Kaoru-kun, and I'll be more than happy. I promise."
"Of course, Kyo. Goodnight."
"Night..."
After some more minutes Kaoru felt Kyo's chest rising and falling in equal intervals. Kyo was fast asleep and it calmed Kaoru a lot. He loved to listen to Kyo’s breathing when he was asleep.
Silly thing... When will he learn that I love him more than anything in this world... I told him so many times and he still feels insecure about me. I whish I could change that, but I guess he will always be the one loving the other more in the relationship... It's always one of the two that gives more than takes and I've been taking from Kyo so much...
"Kyo..." Kaoru whispered.
Kyo, want it or not, tomorrow you're going to enjoy yourself to the fullest! I will make you to be happy and ready for the next tour! I know you can enjoy it as much as I do, you just need more time with adjusting to the new things...
"Goodnight, Kyo-kun..."

TBC

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The End of the Road