Crossing the Line | By : JetBlackMistress Category: My Chemical Romance > Slash - Male/Male Views: 2135 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0 |
Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction! I do not know any of the members of My Chemical Romance, and I do not profit from these writings. |
Crossing the Line: Chapter 2 (Gerard’s P.O.V.)
Sunlight crept into my bedroom through the small window, essentially coming in contact with my closed eyes and waking me up from my peaceful slumber. I seriously need to get curtains. I did not want to get up yet. It’s Saturday, god damn it! Go away, sun! I had a killer hang over from drinking the previous night. I knew I should not drink, but it’s not like I did it often. What was the harm? I only time I hit the bottle was when I was very upset or depressed about something.
Yesterday was a blur. I lay in bed, trying to think of the source to why I consumed the alcohol. The pounding head ache did not aid in my brain functions whatsoever.
Then it clicked. I remembered it clearly now. That bitch dumped me, on our fucking anniversary of all days. She said she wanted to see other people. Yeah, right. I heard rumors of her sleeping with other guys a few weeks prior. I did not believe them, of course, and chalked it up to some bored teenagers causing conflict for amusement. I despised high school drama. It was so pointless.
Well, I guessed the rumors were true for once. We had never had sexual intercourse, although she did pressure me constantly on the subject. I just did not think I was ready, with her, at least. My blood began to boil at the thought. She broke up with me because I wouldn’t put out. What a fucking skank. I sighed deeply to calm myself down. That whore was not worth getting upset over now.
I reluctantly opened my eyes to realize I was not alone. Mikey was curled up in a ball on my bed facing the wall. He was wrapped tightly in my blanket. The only reason I knew it was my baby brother was because of the hair peeking from the blanket. It was not unusual for my brother and me to sleep in the same bed, but he was never a blanket thief. That was strange. I looked down at myself and noticed I was not wearing any clothing. Okay, that was even weirder. Not only that, but my dick was covered in dried blood. I gave myself a body check, and confirmed that it was not mine. I was not hurt anywhere.
I froze for a moment. If I was not hurt and there was no one else in the room besides Mikey, that meant... My head snapped to my right, looking at the curled up form known as my brother. I delicately began removing the covers from his body, doing my best not to wake him. My baby brother was equally as naked as me, but was in far worse shape. There were bruises on his wrists, his chest was covered in what seemed to be come, and the sight of his backside almost made me puke.
There was a mix of dried blood and ejaculate around the area, and some on the back of his thighs, where it must have dribbled out of his asshole. My eyes widened. What the hell had happened? With the evidence in front of me, it didn’t take a rocket scientist to come up with a conclusion. No way. It was not what I thought it was. It couldn’t be!
“Mikey, wake up,” I said softly, shaking him slightly. He turned over onto his back with a wince and a groan of pain before opening his eyes tiredly. He looked up at me and his eyes welt up with tears before letting them escape their confinement. I moved closer to him immediately, forgetting our nakedness, and gently pulled him up to cradle him. I rocked him slightly and whispered comforting words. He flinched when I had first touched him, but he relaxed in my arms after a while.
“Mikey. It is okay, just talk to me. What happened?” I asked quietly, still holding him close. I moved back to look at him. Silent tears fell from his face, but not as strongly as before.
“You..,” he croaked, his voice being thick from waking up and his sob session. Mikey swallowed before continuing. “Yesterday, you were so angry and locked yourself in your room. I checked on you hours later to see if you were okay, and saw you drinking vodka. You were saying something about that bitch dumping you and got up from your chair, nearly falling on your face. I caught you before you could fall, though.”
I nodded, urging him to go on. A pang of guilt went through me as the sadness in his voice deepened when he spoke of my drinking. I knew he hated me when I did it, but drinking was my only alternative when I was extremely upset. I thought alcohol would help me forget, but all it really did was hurt my brother. He was such a happy kid and I loved to see that one hundred watt smile of his. It hurt me when I realized I was the source of his sadness.
He sighed before he resumed, “You were yelling how no one cared about you. So, I hugged you and said that I loved you. I was so happy when you hugged back. I thought everything was going to be okay, but it wasn’t…”
“Why’s that?” I questioned. Everything after I got home was still a bit hazy in my mind. I could not remember any of it. Damn alcohol.
More tears streamed down his face after I spoke. His bottom lips trembled as he went to answer my question. “You… you… you pushed me against the wall and started kissing my on the mouth. I tried to get away, but you were too strong. I moaned when you touched my… the front of my jeans, then forced me onto your bed. Gee, you… you…”
“What did I do?” I asked, horrified at what I was hearing so far. I knew what he was going to say, but I hoped it wasn’t what I thought it was.
“You raped me, Gee!” he finally confessed, crying even harder, his voice becoming harsher with each word. “I kept begging you to stop, but you just kept going! It hurt so badly, I thought I was going to die! It was all my fault! I fucking deserved it! I…”
He started to shake violently from weeping so hard. I held him close to me and tried to calm him down, my own tears escaping my eyes. I started feeling nauseous, and not from the hangover. My god, I raped my own brother, my flesh and blood. What kind of ill-minded fuck was I? Wait, what did he just say? No one deserved to be raped. Why would Mikey say such a thing?
“It’s not your fault, Mikey. Don’t you ever say that, do you hear me? I was drunk and angry. It’s entirely my fault. I’m sorry, Mike-Mike. I’m so sorry,” I cried, holding him tighter. I had hoped the use of the nickname I gave him as a child would relax him. Sadly, it did not.
“But it is my fault!” he protested, still convulsing. “God is getting me because I’m a sick bastard that shouldn’t be allowed to live!”
“What the hell are you talking about?” Mikey scared me by the way he was speaking. This was not the Mikey I knew.
“I… I can’t tell you,” he retorted after taking a minute to calm down somewhat, at least enough to stop shaking. He was not looking me directly in the eyes. Were his tearful eyes downcast in shame or guilt, perhaps? I did not know the answer, but I was determined to find out. My little brother and I were closer than most brothers. We always told each other anything and everything; unlike most siblings in families I knew who would only fight with one another. What could be so terrible that he could not tell me?
I wracked my brain for a reason. He already told me that I had raped him, what could be worse than that? Mikey was a good kid, so there was no way it could be drugs. God, what else was there? Damn, the constant thudding in my head was not assisting me in any way. My tears slowed as I pushed my emotions aside to focus on finding out an answer. I did not understand. Mikey and I could talk about anything, serious and embarrassing things alike.
Like this one time, I confessed to him when I experimented with pot for the first time and, man, did he have a conniption. That was about a year ago, and I promised to never do drugs again. He was so scared I was going to get addicted and die, thanks to those overzealous school regulated drug assemblies. Geez, the look of concern and worry on his face was heart-wrenching. Then, this other time about three years ago, Mikey had his first wet dream. Well, that was an interesting lesson for a fifteen year old to explain to his clueless twelve year old brother. If schools or parents taught their kids these things, the older siblings and friends wouldn’t have to. Although it was awkward as hell, I thought it brought us closer together, proving we could tell each other anything.
After I took that trip down memory lane, I only became even more perturbed. What in God’s name was he keeping from me? I did not want to upset him into the point of hysterics again, but I had to know why he thought he deserved being raped. If I didn’t get it out of him now, he could close himself off and I would never know.
“Come on, Mikes, please tell me,” I whispered softly. I began stroking his hair in a nurturing way, like I used to when we were kids and something was bothering him. It always seemed to relax him into telling me anything. Such a gesture was worth a shot. “Why do you deserve it?”
“I’m being punished because…” he paused and closed his eyes, hot tears still trailing down his face. He reopened them and finally looked me in the eyes. A shaky exhale left his quivering lips before he shouted hoarsely, “Because I’m in love with you! My feelings are unnatural and disgusting, but they haven’t gone away, no matter how hard I try! I’m so sick! I deserve to be raped!”
The whole world seemed to stop in that moment. My brother had just confessed of the incestuous feeling he had for me. How does someone react to that?
“It’s alright, Mike-Mike. Just breathe okay?” I replied calmly. He listened to my words and began to control himself. “You’re not sick. I’m the sick one for raping you. I am so sorry. I just…”
My left hand covered my mouth as I closed my eyes and cried in shame. In that short period of time, I had forgotten why I was crying earlier. Now my emotions were coming back, and harder than ever. The full realization really did a number on me. I had forcefully taken my little brother’s virginity in a drunken rage. Not only that, I took his innocence as well. He was never going to be the same again; neither of us were. I felt Mikey wrap his arms around me and made a shushing noise. My little brother was trying to make me feel better, his rapist. How fucked up was that? How could he still love me after what I had done? After what seemed like hours of sobbing, which could have really been mere minutes, our tears finally subsided.
“Are you okay?” I hiccupped, wiping away the streaks of salt water from his face with my hands. He laughed a little from the sound I made. A sudden levity filled the room from that single action. We had basically cried out all of our sadness and anguish, and fortunately a positive feeling took its place. Mikey tried to sit up on his own, but stopped and made a displeased sound.
“I, um… It really hurts… down there,” he explained with a light blush dusting his cheeks. He looked so adorable. He was acting as if last night never happened, so I went along with it.
“Oh,” I retorted. “Well, let me clean you up first. Don’t move.” Mikey stuck his tongue out at me childishly. There was no way he could move, obviously; he had just demonstrated that fact. I returned the gesture and stood up, feeling a slight draft. Oh, wait. I’m still naked. Whoops. I found a pair of boxers lying on the floor and put them on quickly. Out of the corner of my eye, I noticed Mikey had been staring at me. As if he could see anything from his location without his glasses.
Speaking of which, I spotted his glasses from the other side of the room. I retrieved said spectacles and returned them to their rightful owner. Mikey’s eyes always looked twice as big when behind those glass windows, which only intensified his beautiful hazel eyes that looked so much like my own.
I shook my head from those thoughts and focused on the task at hand. I padded upstairs and looked around for what I needed. I found a washcloth from under the kitchen sink along with a small bucket. I made my way toward the bathroom and grabbed a tube of medicine from the cabinet. I then turned on the faucet, first finding the proper tepid temperature before filling up the bucket. When I thought the bucket to be full enough, I pulled it out of the sink and onto the floor. Since I was already in the bathroom, I decided to clean myself up. I pulled down my boxers to rid myself of my brother’s blood that stained my lower half. I washed away the despair of the previous night, in hopes of cleansing myself from the terrible deed. After the last of the red substance left my skin and traveled down the drain, I dried myself off. I then pulled on my boxers and returned to my little brother with the items in my hands.
He had not moved, since he was physically unable, from the spot I had left him. I closed the door and walked over, sitting on the edge of the bed. I had nearly forgotten Mikey was still naked, though he covered his lower regions with the blanket.
“Don’t worry, big brother is going to make you feel all better,” I assured with I smile. He returned my smile and lied down on his back. I dipped the cream colored washcloth into the warm water, and then wrung it out. I brought the damp material to my brother’s come covered chest. I made slow and soothing circles on his skin, effectively removing the sticky substance. Mikey sighed from the treatment he was receiving. It made me happy to think I was the source of his pleasure. What? That didn’t sound sexual or anything. I did not have those sorts of feelings for him.
I mentally shook my head once again and continued on my brother’s chest until it was clean. I hesitated for a moment, wondering if I should continue my ministrations on Mikey’s lower half. He seemed to sense my indecisiveness and pulled away the blanket covering him. There in front of me was my fifteen year old little brother, naked as the day he was born. I tried not to stare as I worked on the crimson and white stained thighs.
He closed his eyes in contentment, obviously enjoying the feeling I was producing on the inside of his thighs. After I had finished that area, I nudged him slightly. He looked at me, bewildered for a second before I explained, “You need to turn over if I’m to clean you completely.”
He nodded his head, took his glasses off, and carefully turned his body so he was now lying on his stomach. Oh, god. Guilt overwhelmed me when I saw more closely what I had done to him. I sighed and finished with the back of his thighs. I moved upward, warily running the washcloth over his backside. He tensed a bit, so I did my best to be as gentle as possible. The blood and come was finally off of his body. It seemed almost like a purifying experience, for him and me both.
“Uh, Mikey?” I called, making him lift his head from the pillow, propping himself up on his elbows.
“Yeah?”
“Um, I have to put medicine on the place you were bleeding. Is that okay?” I asked. I did not want to touch him in that area without permission first.
Mikey paused for a second before answering, “Okay.”
He put his face back on the pillow and was flat on the bed once again. I popped the cap on the tube and pushed out a decent amount of the gel-like substance. Could I really do this? I would be penetrating my brother for a second time if I went on. No, I needed to do this.
“Could you go on your knees?” I requested awkwardly. It sounded so wrong. “I can’t really access… with the position you’re in now.”
My little brother moved into the position I specified and seemed very tense. Who could blame him with the shit he had been through? Alright, Gerard, you could do this. I slowly moved my finger to his entrance and touched the outside slightly. He made a little, whimpering noise from the action. I quickly placed my other hand on one of his that was lying on the bed, holding it for reassurance.
“Everything’s fine. Nothing bad is going to happen. I promise,” I stated calmly. I continued with my task and slowly inserted the slick finger after his body loosened a bit. It took about a minute before it was fully inside of my brother. I did not want to move too quickly and risk hurting him again. He seemed fine with the slow pace I set. I began coating the tender walls of his insides with the medicine. My finger twisted to make sure I had covered the whole area. I pushed in a little deeper and touched something that made my little brother moan, and it was not out of pain.
My face flushed instantly when it registered that I had been stroking Mikey’s prostate. I removed my finger shyly and wiped what remaining gel I had on my finger on my dirty sheets. I had not seen the condition of my sheets until this moment, but they were stained with come and blood. Mikey’s crimson blood. I twitched from guilt at the thought.
My brother flipped back around, knowing I had finished cleaning him up. He still did not have clothing on his body and I did my best not to stare at his naked figure. Luckily, he had not become aroused from my wandering finger.
“Could I have a pair of your boxers? You’re kind of wearing mine,” he said with a smirk. I was so glad he was not crying anymore. And thank god he did not make me squirm with discomfort about stimulating his prostate by bringing it up. Wait, I was what? “You didn’t wear any underneath your pants yesterday, remember?”
Oh, yeah. I wore my tightest pair of black jeans yesterday. They looked as if they were painted on my flesh they were so tight. I could never wear anything underneath them if I were to zipper and button them all the way. They really showed off my best features.
“Oh, sorry about that, Mikes. Hold on,” I sauntered on over to my bureau and grabbed a random pair of boxers out of the top right drawer. I returned to bed with the item and handed it over.
“Thanks. I can’t really bend so, could you...?” he trailed off. I nodded and slipped the material over his feet and pushed them up and onto his waist, with a little help from Mikey’s maneuvering. We sat there in silence for a few minutes, unsure of what to say at this point.
“So, uh….” I said, trying to start a conversation and failing horribly. It was difficult to act as if nothing had happened. I felt slightly better after cleaning both of us up, but I still felt responsible for hurting my brother.
“Do you love me, Gee?” he blurted out.
I was stunned by the question, “Of course I love you, Mike-Mike.”
“No… I mean, the way I love you,” he elaborated, his eyes full of hope.
I bit my lower lip in thought, “Um, I don’t know, Mikey. I-”
Before I could say anything more, he cut me off, “Wait, you do not need to explain, Gee-Gee. I know it’s kind of weird, and will take a little while to get used to, but it’s alright if you don’t know what to say.”
I was taken aback by my brother’s boldness. It took a moment for the shock of my brother’s words to wear off. I then said, “How can you say that with a smile on your face? How can you even still love me after what I did…? I don’t understand.”
I put my head in my hands, utterly confused. Mikey stroked my cheek with the back of his hand, causing me to look up with tears in my eyes.
“Gee,” he whispered soothingly. “I love you with all my heart. I would die for you, Gerard, and there is nothing that could ever change that. All of these years, I have had these feelings for you. I did anything I could to rid myself of them, but nothing seemed to work. I soon realized that they wouldn’t be going away anytime soon… Any time you spoke of your girlfriend, it felt like there was a knife in my heart. Each word was just another twist of that knife. It hurt so badly, but I still hoped and dreamed you would love me in that special way. I never told you of my feelings before because I thought you would hate me. Now I’m glad I confessed and I hope that one day you can reciprocate these feelings, but don’t worry. I can wait until that time comes.”
More tears stained my pale cheeks from my brother’s confession. The honesty and sweetness of his speech were too much for me. I pulled him into a hug and cried my eyes out. I had no idea Mikey had been hurting so much, and me as the cause. I did not think I could produce any more tears after my earlier crying, but this proved me wrong.
“Even after I raped you and caused you so much pain, you still want me? Damn it, Mikey. I don’t deserve you,” I sobbed, only causing him to clutch on tighter.
“No, I forgive you for that, Gerard. You were intoxicated and your anger took over. You had no idea what you were doing, so I won’t hold you accountable. I love you, Gee. Please try and love me too,” he requested.
“You’re too good to me,” I stated, only stray tears escaping my eyes now. “I don’t love you that way right now, Mike-Mike, but I’ll do my damnedest to return your feelings.”
“That’s all I ask for,” he responded with a heavy sigh. He gave me one last squeeze, and then let me go from his embrace. He quickly wiped any remaining tears from my face. “Well, it’s Saturday and the first day our folks are out. What do you want to do?”
A loud rumble in my stomach was the answer. We both laughed at the perfect timing. “Let’s eat breakfast,” I said, helping my brother to his feet while he used me as a crutch to walk. We headed upstairs for the first day of our two weeks of being alone. In light of past events, these days were definitely going to be interesting.
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