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Vodka Cranberry	By : copperboom Category: Singers/Bands/Musicians > Rammstein Views: 1771 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction. I do not know Rammstein or any of their members. I do not profit from these writings.

Chapter List
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THE ANNOYING FOOTBALL INTERRUPTING FAIRY
I knew that voice. That was Paul Landers. I was sure of it. After another exchange of words in German which I couldn’t understand, Richard came back into view with Paul and Oliver Riedel. Again I was feeling star struck and nervous. Oliver took a seat in a chair in the corner next to the couch, but Paul, no, he sat right next to me. If it were some other troll, I might’ve moved, but this was Paul fucking Landers. Richard almost scowled at Paul before introducing them.
“Oliver, Paul, this is Anna,” he stated.
“It’s a pleasure to meet you.” I held out my hand to Paul. He took my outstretched hand and shook once, then didn’t let go for a few more seconds.
“Hallo!”
I also shook Ollie’s hand, who had nothing but an amused look on his face.
“Well,” Richard began, “if it’s ok with my lovely guest here, I am going to shower now.”
“Yes, that’s ok. I’m sure I’m in good company.” I looked at the other two, who were making me feel slightly uncomfortable with their attentiveness to me.
“Ok,” Richard said, then said something in German to Paul and Oliver, mostly looking at Paul. He sounded like he was scolding them. When he finished, he turned and went to the bathroom. Door closed. Sad panda.
“So,” Oliver said to me, “where did you two meet?” I began to tell him the Reader’s Digest version of what happened. He and Paul listened on until my phone went off again. Fucking Chrissy, annoying the shit out of me as usual.
“Excuse me. I have to take this,” I told my audience. They acknowledged me, then watched me as I opened the balcony door and stepped outside.
“What,” I growled to Chrissy.
“What’s going on?! I need to know! My very breath and life depend upon knowing!”
“Well if you must know, I am currently being gawked at by none other than Paul Landers and Oliver Riedel. Jesus I must look like shit,” I explained.
“What? Ride-me Riedel and Pauly Wally-Do-Me-All-The-Day?! Tell me everything! Wait, where’s Kruspy Kream,” she asked scandalously.
“Umm…he’s in the shower. I can’t tell you everything right now. Go get yourself a doggy bone and lie down on your pillow until I get home like a good puppy, ok?”
“I…you..hey!”
Then I hung up on her. I knew she’d be furious, but by the time I did get home, she’d thank me. As I turned around, there stood Richard in the doorway.
“Well hello,” I greeted him.
“ Who were you talking to like that,” he asked mischievously.
“That was Chrissy. Again. She’s being facetious and I had to get her to shut up,” I explained.
He chuckled at this, and I finally realized as I walked towards him, that he was in a towel. His gorgeous skin still damp. I followed him back inside and took my seat back on the couch and continued twenty questions with Paul and Ollie. I really did try not to enjoy the fact that Richard had once again left the door open and from where I was sitting had a prime view right down his main street. I answered their questions as best I could without telling my entire life story. Thankfully, there was another knock at the door.
Ollie and Paul looked towards the sound, I looked at my image of Richard in the mirror. Just as I did he looked up and caught me. “Shit!” I thought. His smile basically was telling me to come and get it. Sans witnesses, I would have. No one seemed to want the task of answering the door. The knocking continued. I hesitantly rose from my spot and went to open the door. Standing there were the last three members, Till Lindemann, Doktor Flake, and Schneider. I stood there in awe, again, as these musicians I admired immensely loomed before me. All of them gave me the once-over before I moved aside so they could come in. Till put his hand on the door and gestured for me to go first.
“Please,” he said.
I obeyed and could feel everyone’s eyes on me. I had never heard that word sound as sexy as it did coming from his mouth. Once everyone had entered, Till spoke again.
“She is quite beautiful Paul,” he said meaningfully.
I felt my cheeks flush, burning hot with embarrassment. Did the Serial Tiller really just say that about me? This day was getting better and better. Then there was an arm around my waist. Richard. Not that I think he could be in a bad way, but that shower did him good. He smiled at me reassuringly.
“Thank you Paul, for embarrassing my guest,” he scolded, but his face said he was amused.
I looked at Till, not sure if I should respond, then softly said, “Thank you.”
“Till said it. Not me,” Paul defended himself pointing to him.
Till laughed, which made Paul laugh, et cetera until we were all laughing about it. I didn’t move out of Richard’s embrace until he moved to sit down on the couch, pulling me along by the hand. Schneiderman asked how we met, and I again began telling the story, letting Rich help when he would. My stupid phone started singing again, this time it was their own Mann Gegen Mann, the tone I used to remind me of football matches. All eyes were on me again as I sheepishly pulled my phone out of my pocket.
“Sorry,” I apologized. I shut off the alarm, but not before Richard saw what it was.
“Ah…Euro 2012,” he exclaimed. “I almost forgot! Good thing I saved your life today.”
I looked at him and rolled my eyes, smiling like the Cheshire cat. Then he reached for the remote and turned on the TV. It was Germany versus Switzerland, and I was excited, though it was a friendlies game. I just loved to watch them play! Then I noticed I was the only one with refreshment, and glad though I was to have the spotlight off me, I asked if anyone wanted anything.
“Sure.” “Yes, please.” “Please.” “Yeah.”
I took orders and got drinks for those who asked for something that was already in the refrigerator. Rich volunteered himself to help me fetch drinks and snacks from the vending machine, and we left the room.
“Sorry about all of that,” he said after the door closed. “They can be a bit too curious on rare occasions. Usually they’re pretty reserved around someone new like this. Except for Paul.”
“He’s such a happy bunny! It’s ok. Actually I’m still quite star struck, even with you. Never in my wettest dreams did I believe they’d come true,” I rambled, perhaps too quickly, because I felt my face flush again. Wow. The things that come out of my mouth.
“Oh really,” he whispered as he laced his fingers with mine. “Does this feel like a dream?” Then he gingerly put his lips on mine, slowly kissing me, gradually pressing harder until everything around us disappeared and all that was left was the electricity binding us together. A loud chortle from somewhere to my left broke our concentration. We both turned to see Till, Paul, Doom, Flake and Oliver in a pack watching us. When we started to move apart and look embarrassed, they broke out into applause and catcalls. I knew for sure, at that moment, I was dealing with some serious shitheads.
“You guys are still hungry, right,” I stated. Bursts of laughter were the only response I got until Schneider said, “Yes, please. We are hungry still.”
I grabbed Richard’s hand this time and pulled him away. Every time we kissed there’s some fucking interruption. I had to get this man really alone, feeling my reservations subsiding. We bought up pretty much all of the vending machine and several drinks. Soda, water, iced tea. I was clever enough to grab a laundry bag off one of the hangers to haul our booty back to the room.
Thankfully the guys were focused on the pre match show, so I helped Richard put the drinks where they needed to be whether it be hands or the fridge. I wasn’t sure what to do with the ten pounds of junk food, so I dumped it out on the coffee table and said, “Dig in.” They were like ravenous wolves as they grabbed bags of multigrain chips, granola bars, M&M’s, etc. I waited until they were all eating something before I grabbed a bag of garden veggie cracker chips. I looked at Richard to my left and even he looked flabbergasted.
“I take it you guys don’t get much home cooked food on tour?”
“No, not really. I guess you could count a few restaurants, but that’s pretty much as close as it gets,” Ollie told me.
“Well, if you lot aren’t opposed I will be glad to make dinner for you,” I told them, ideas already running through my head.
“That’s and idea to discuss,” Flake said.
Richard put his arm around my shoulders and squeezed me to him. I put my hand on his warm, firm thigh. He looked so damn good in sweats.
“Ok, well, they’re still talking about the boring stuff, so I’m going to use the ladies room and have a smoke. Excuse me Gents.”
When I’d come out of the bathroom I heard Paul saying in a joking tone, “Sie könnte uns zu vergiften!”
“I will not poison you,” I exclaimed.
His eyes were twinkling with mischief. They all looked at me like a cat caught shredding your curtains. Flake was astonished.
“You speak Deutsch?!”
“No, not fluently. I know a little bit. Enough to insult you, mostly. Or threaten your life.”
I matched Paul’s mischievous twinkle, and rose him a mischievous smile.
“Well, I’m in,” Richard said to the other five. “You guys can figure it out for yourselves.”
I grabbed my cigarette pack out of my purse as I said, “Jack, we have a winner. Your prize? A smoke break with me.”
He chuckled at me as he escorted me out to the balcony. We sat at the umbrella shaded table and enjoyed the silence for a while. It was just now afternoon and the sun was mostly blocked by the building. I was enjoying what was washing over my face. I leaned my head back and closed my eyes. That wonderful breeze was still here, too. Seriously, could this day be any more perfect? Yes, it could. When I opened my eyes Richard was staring at me.
“God you’re beautiful. I-I’m almost speechless.”
I rose from my chair and went to him, placing myself on his lap. He’d put his sunglasses on, and I slowly pulled them off so I could see those ice blue eyes.
“I should be saying that to you. Today has been beyond perfect, all thanks to a chance at fate.”
Wouldn’t you know, just as I leaned in to kiss him the patio door opened. I ignored whoever it was long enough to have a decent kiss. The interrupter thought it was long enough to warrant a cough, then we broke our lips apart.
There stood Flake.
“We have come to a decision.”
Then he walked back inside. My cigarette had one pull left, so I picked it up from the ashtray, and took the last drag before following Rich inside. Paul, who couldn’t seem to contain his shitheadedness, was grinning from ear to ear, as he patted the middle seat on the sofa. I took it, giving him my best derp face, Rich sitting on my left again. To his left sat Till, then Schneider. Next to Paul was Oliver, still in the corner, and next to him sat Flake.
Till started softly, “Well we have decided to agree with Richard…”
“And that you won’t poison us,” Paul interrupted with cheer.
“Awesome! I’ve got some ideas already, but now, it’s match time. I’ll feed you when it’s finished,” I told them.
The majority was content with this. Flake was really the only one who wasn’t warming up to me. I wasn’t worried. He would eventually. The match started and there were some questionable moves by the Swiss right off the bat and I began cursing at the TV.
“You cheeky motherfucker,” I shouted.
My hosts became cameras, focusing on me yet again. I didn’t notice right away, but eventually I got that no one else had shouted but me, and it was eerily quiet. I looked at Schneider first, whose face was on my way to Richard’s, and he was grinning. Till next who was smirking, then my eyes reached their destination and he looked proud! His eyes twinkled at me with that beautiful smile on his face. When I finally caught Paul’s gaze, I couldn’t help but burst out laughing as did he. Then my phone began to curse at me.
“Well your grandmother is a blast-ended skank! Leprechaun taint! Muggle fucking trollshit!” and so on. I tried to pretend I didn’t hear it, but everyone was already laughing and this made them laugh harder. I grudgingly picked up my phone and said, “Football’s on,” and hung up. Then it started cursing again, almost immediately.
“FOOTBALL IS ON,” I enunciated to the asshole and hung up again. This person calling me was incredibly stupid because it rang again! I checked the caller ID. Of course, Melissa. Jesus Hubert Christ. Chrissy must’ve gotten to her.
“What?! Ugh! Are you bleeding? Are you dying? Is Chrissy bleeding? Is Chrissy dying?”
No, were her responses.
“Then what the fuck would make you want to call me during football? It’s on the fucking calendar cuntbag.”
“Chrissy told me everything! I demand to know the exact parameters of the situation. In layman’s terms: what the fuck is going on?”
I pulled the phone away from my ear, “Excuse me, Gentlemen, but I have a cunt on the line.”
Richard, having grown used to my sailor’s tongue, laughed as I stood up then gave my ass a little pat. Again with the chuckles, catcalls, and applause from our audience. As I started to blush again, I bolted for the patio. I’m sure Richard got a thorough joshing once the door closed. I put the phone back to my ear and could hear Chrissy screeching in the background, “What is happening?!”
“I don’t know yet. Calm down woman,” Missy instructed her.
“Hello? Asspain? You there,” I asked impatiently.
“Yes, bitch I’m here,” she answered.
“Ok, so I’m at a hotel with Richard and all the other guys watching football. Is that ok with you?”
“No it most certainly is not. I demand you bring us there immediately.”
“No. Fucking. Way.”
“This is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity! You have to do something!” Now she was screeching.
“Dude. I’m working on something. Calm-the-fuck-down. I’ll let you know what’s up as soon as the something is formed.”
“Well fine. I suppose that will have to do,” she conceded.
“Ok. I’ll call you back when you need to know more. Love you. Maybe.”
I hung up and went back inside. The carousing which I’m sure took place was over, as they were all staring at the television. I took my place next to Richard again, then using my peripheral vision made sure no one was watching, I grabbed his hand. I turned my head slightly so I could see his face. He had the biggest, goofiest grin I had seen yet. He stretched his fingers out and laced them with mine, keeping the grin on his face. I was content enough that I finally got to focus on the match again. Germany had banked two goals in all the ruckus. Yes!
“Um, who was going to recap the two goals for me,” I teased, not taking my eyes off the TV. Richard squeezed my hand and I could feel him stifling a chuckle.
“Well, you see,” Ollie started, “one man passes the ball to another man until they make it to the goal where someone then uses their head or feet to put the ball in the net.”
“Gee, Ollie, I’ve never heard such insight on football before. Thank you. I feel enlightened,” I matched his sarcasm.
He laughed with me, followed by everyone else, not to my surprise. Then Richard let go of my hand and threw his arm around my shoulders. He kissed my temple, then whispered in my ear the details I had wanted. Best of all, he didn’t let go, and I barely moved an inch. We couldn’t be alone yet, so I settled for some intimacy. My head on his shoulder, cursing the refs and the players. He’d chuckle at me and rub his hand over my shoulder. I don’t think I could have been happier.
**NO COPYRIGHT INFRINGEMENT INTENDED ON ALL POP CULTURE REFERENCES**
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