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A Little More Touch Me	By : Adylaid Category: Singers/Bands/Musicians > Fall Out Boy Views: 1784 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction! I do not know and of the members of Fall Out Boy (unfortunately), and I do not profit from these writings.

Chapter List
- 1-A Little More Touch Me
- 2-Chapter 2
- 1
- 2
"It doesn't matter how you feel

Life is just a Ferris wheel

It's always up and down

Don't make a sound"

-Lyrics from "Lullabye" by Fall Out Boy

The next morning I woke up, feeling the sun shining on my face. The first thing I realized was that I was naked. I swallowed. Did that really happen? No way, it had to be another of my stupid fangirl dreams... I looked around. I was in a room I didn't recognize, alone. My clothes and shoes were sitting on a chair, my bag hanging on the back of it, my phone plugged in by the bed with my keys next to it. I swallowed, sitting up, holding the sheets to myself, and went over to make sure the door was locked before pulling my clothes on frantically. I grabbed my phone off the charger and my keys, not even noticing the note on the pillow. I pulled my hair up into a ponytail to try and hide how horribly tangled it was and opened the door, peeking out. I could hear Pete in the living room, talking to Bronx about how different cartoons were now. I closed the door to the room gently, then walked slowly, quietly through the hallway to the front door. Opening it, I stepped outside into the sunlight. The most beautiful day Chicago had seen in ages, and I felt like the biggest whore imaginable. I closed the door as quietly as I could and crossed the lawn to my car, still parked on the curb. Hold it together, Thecla. Just until you get to the car. Hold it together... I unlocked the door and got in, and drove off. By the time I made it to the stop sign at the end of the road, I was sobbing. I drove through town, not sure where I was going. I drove around for what had to be hours before my phone started to ring.
"H-Hello?" I choked out.
"Thecla? Sweetie, what's wrong, where are you?" Sarina asked. I looked around, trying to figure out where I was.
"I'm almost home," I said. "I...I'm so stupid, Sarina...I..." I sobbed again.
"Oh my god, you didn't..."
"I'm such a whore!" I sobbed out, sitting at a green light.
"No, Thecla, you're not a whore...far from it...you just got starstruck, ok? It happens, and then you come home for rum and ice cream with your roommates and you move on."
"N-No, I...I need to...to talk to...someone...someone else, f-first...I...I'll call you l-later..."
"Are you sure?"
"Yeah, I'm s-sure..."
"Okay...we love you."
"Love you too. I'm okay." And I hung up. I'm so far from okay...maybe she bought it, though. Probably not. Sarina knew me too well to buy that load of shit.
I turned into the parking garage and easily found a spot, digging through the crap in my car until I found her card, calling the emergency number.
"This is Doctor Adams," the woman said. I lost what little control I'd mustered and began to sob again.
"It's Th-Thecla...I...I need..."
"Thecla, calm down, okay? Where are you?"
"I'm in the p-parking garage..."
"Okay. I'll be there in fifteen."
"K-k-kay," I choked, and the line went dead. I got out and walked out of the garage, around to her office, sitting on the sidewalk by the door. I pulled out my iPod and put in my earbuds, turning it on, but for once, the music only made me feel worse. I threw it down and stomped it over and over again, still sobbing, and looked up. Of course Dr. Adams saw the angry outburst. Of course she did.
"Come inside, Thecla," she said calmly. I stood, gripping my bag, and walked in. We went back to the office. "Would you like some water?" I shook my head no. "Alright. Tell me what's happened."
"I...I..." I took a deep breath and launched into the story of how I came to be where I was.
"So what has you upset, Thecla?" I looked at her like she was the crazy one. "Well," she said, "you had to have known that it would just be casual sex, a one night thing."
"I...I...I know, I just...I couldn't...there's like...it's this pull...I can't...I couldn't think...I couldn't...control myself...my...my mind was running w-wild, I don't..."
"Thecla, you've always told me you didn't want to have sex until you were married. What changed your mind?"
"N-Nothing..."
"Your actions speak differently."
"No, I just told you! I couldn't focus, I couldn't think, I just...did..."
"Stop making excuses for yourself."
"I'm not! I...it's like there's this...this electricity...I couldn't...I couldn't resist it, I couldn't resist him...I...from the moment he opened the door, all I wanted...all I could think about was...was..." I blushed. "What happened."
"This isn't like you, Thecla. You've never had trouble resisting the advances men have made."
I laughed. "People don't make advances on me. They don't."
"He did."
"I was just some...some stupid fan girl...I...I'm so mad at h-him...I'm so mad at myself...I...he kn-knew...he knew what the music got me through, and now...now I can't stand to hear it..."
"Thecla, what's done is done. You can't undo it. So why are you here?"
"I...I want the p-pills...I...I can't stop sh-shaking..."
"Thecla, we've discussed putting you on clonazepam before, and you've always been vehemently opposed to it."
"I've always been able to get my anxiety under control...I..."
"And you probably won't have any trouble now, so long as you stay away from him..."
"I...I just...what if I can't? I...I won't take them if I don't need them, I just..."
"You want the security." I nod. "Alright, I'll prescribe them, provided you'll take a long-term anti-depressant. We don't want this becoming something that keeps you from class or work. I know you don't think you need them, Thecla, but your depression is severe. It isn't Sarina's responsibility to make you go to class."
"I...I...o-okay..." Dr. Adams nodded and wrote me the prescriptions.
"Are you alright to drive, Thecla?" I just nodded. "Alright. Now, the rules. With the clonazepam, start with half a pill the first time. If they make you sleepy, you've taken too much. These are not for every day, Thecla. I'm only giving you ten, do you understand? I will not refill this. Your anti-depressant should kick in long before you finish the clonazepam, and once it does you won't need them. You are to take the anti-depressant at the same time every day. For most people I would recommend morning so that they don't keep you up at night, but I'm going to leave that decision up to you. If you don't think you can take them at the same time every morning, take them later in the day. Okay?" I nodded again. "Okay, here you go." I took the prescriptions and walked back out to my car, getting in and driving to the pharmacy. I took the new meds and buried them deep in my purse, my new secret. On my way out, I passed the family planning section and my eyes went wide. Oh, shit. Did he...I don't remember him...oh my God... I started shaking and bought a bottle of water, taking one of the clonazepam as soon as I made it to my car. I leaned my head back against the headrest, closing my eyes. Fifteen minutes to take effect. Just breathe for fifteen minutes and you'll be fine. I guess I dozed off, because the next thing I knew it was noon and Sarina was blowing up my phone.
"Hey, I'm okay, I'm sorry..."
"Dammit, Thecla, I was about to call the cops."
"I just...I stopped at a park and I guess dozed off. I'm okay, I'm on my way home." I could hear her sigh.
"Okay. I'm ordering sushi for lunch, do you want some?"
"No, I'm not hungry. Thanks, though. I'm not too far from the apartment, I'm coming straight there."
"Alright, hun. I'll be here."
"What about Tracy?"
"She left this morning. Going home for a few weeks, remember?"
"Oh...right..."
"Right. You sure you're okay?"
"Yeah. Traffic's pretty bad, I'll see you soon."
"Alright hun."
I ended the call and tossed my phone into the other seat, taking a few shaky breaths before pulling out into the road.
With the lunchtime traffic, it took me almost half an hour to make it home. I tried to unlock the door, but my hands were shaking and I kept dropping my keys. Finally, Sarina opened the door, raising an eyebrow.
"Oh, yeah, you look TOTALLY fine," she said sarcastically. 'A Little Less Sixteen Candles, A Little More Touch Me' filled the apartment. God, he was hot in that video...
"Turn that shit off," I snapped, heading straight for my room.
"Shit? What are you talking about, you love this song..."
"Not anymore. Damn, Sarina, how insensitive can you fucking be? Not all of us make a habit of sleeping with any guy that will have us," I spat, slamming my bedroom door behind me and crashing down onto my bed. The music got louder and I screamed, throwing a book at the wall and pulling a pillow over my head to try and smother the music...or maybe myself. Probably both. When she finally turned it off, I rolled onto my back and began texting Lena.
'Remind me why I haven't moved out?'
'No fucking clue, I keep telling you to come live with me.' I laughed a bit.
'What happened?' She texted when I didn't reply.
'You know how Pete Wentz's parents live in Chicago? Well, I went over there last night because Bronx left a toy at the day care. Long story short, I woke up naked and alone this morning and realized I'm a complete fucking idiot.'
'Alone? What an ASS! I'm sorry, sweetie. :('
'Yeah, alone. Completely. With all of my shit right there. It was all very GTFO.'
'WTF!!!'
'Yeah, so I did, and I went and saw Dr. Adams.'
'What'd she say?'
'Nothing particularly helpful. I finally let her put me on meds.'
'Good. It's not so bad, hun. Once you find the right ones, everything gets better. I promise.'
'I hope so. I killed my iPod today too.'
'You worked ages for that!'
'I know, I just...I can't stand it right now. It reminds me of him, and last night. Which is how me and Sarina got into a fight.'
'Insensitive bitch.'
'I love how you already know what happened.'
My phone started ringing, a number I didn't recognize.
"Hello?" I asked, trying to sound fine. Maybe it was someone calling about a babysitting gig and I wouldn't have to go back to that stupid day care.
"Shit, where the hell are you? Are you okay? What the FUCK, Thecla, I thought you'd gone and done something stupid, I've been calling you all day!"
"Excuse you?!" I snapped back. "I woke up ALONE with all my shit there, so I took the hint and fucking left. How the hell did you even get my number, did you go through my phone?!"
"No, I didn't go through your phone, I just used it to call mine when I couldn't find it, which you'd know if you'd read the fucking note I left before you went all fucking psycho and disappeared!"
"Psycho? Really? YOU are calling ME psycho?"
"What the hell does that mean?!"
"It means you're a complete and total ASS! You can't just fuck me, leave me alone, and then call all pissed off that I left! What the HELL is your problem?!"
"You didn't read the fucking note! Goddammit, woman! I left it for a fucking reason!"
"I didn't see the damn note, okay? And really, a fucking NOTE?! It was my first fucking time, and instead of sticking around you leave a goddamn note and YOU'RE pissed at ME?!"
"I have a kid, Thecla. I had to be in MY bed when he went in there to get me up. Don't you fucking think about shit before you act?!" I swallowed.
"You could've woken me up before you left," I said, calmer now. "It would've saved me about 400 bucks."
"You said you don't sleep, I figured you needed it. And what do you mean, saved you 400 bucks?" I sighed.
"Nothing, forget it. What do you want from me, exactly? You live in LA. You're leaving today, remember?"
"I extended the trip," he said, "and I want you to come over here so we can discuss this like adults instead of a couple of fucking kids."
"I'm not coming back over there. In fact, I'm seriously considering quitting my job."
"Why?"
"Because I don't want to see you! I can't think around you. You do something to me that I can't explain, and I don't FUCKING like it. I was waiting. It was important to me and then last night it just...flew out the window and I turned into some stupid little whore."
"You're not a whore. And I asked you over and over."
"I know you did. I'm not saying it's your fault, I just...I don't know. I'm so fucking confused right now. I'm all over the place, and I had a fight with my roommate and I just can't do this right now!"
"And you think you don't need meds?" He asked, dumbfounded.
"I think it's perfectly natural to be having trouble coping with this, actually," I snapped. "This time yesterday, sex was nowhere on my radar. I've never done ANYTHING with ANYONE, including myself, and I've never even been TEMPTED to! And then I go over there to do something nice, and you turn me into some squirming, screaming, uncontrollable, immoral...I don't even know. Right now, I'm not sure who I am anymore. I'm pissed, and I'm ashamed, and I feel like I should be apologizing to...I don't even know, my future husband?" I could hear him breathing on the other line. "Well, are you going to say something?" 'A Little Less Sixteen Candles' started blaring again. "GODDAMMIT SARINA I TOLD YOU TO TURN THAT SHIT OFF!" I said, snatching my door open and going out to turn it off myself. I could hear it coming from the bathroom, could hear the water running. I tried to open it, but it wouldn't budge. "Sarina, unlock the fucking door!" I paled. "Oh, god..." I dropped the phone and starting pounding on the door. "SARINA, OPEN THE DOOR! I'M SORRY, OKAY? I DIDN'T MEAN WHAT I SAID, I JUST...I'M MAD AT MYSELF, OKAY?" I started sobbing again, trying to knock the door down. "SARINA, SAY SOMETHING OR I'M CALLING 911!" I waited a moment, then grabbed my phone and ended the call, dialing 911, shaking, freaking out. "My roommate, she...she's locked herself in the bathroom somehow, but the door doesn't lock...I can't get it open...we had a fight a few hours ago...yes, she does...please..." I sobbed, trying to get the clonazepam open. "1132 East 131st, apartment 4C...yeah, we're in Riverdale...no, there's no buzzer...no, she didn't answer...I told her if she didn't say anything, I was gonna call 911 and she didn't say anything..." I finally got it open and took one of the pills, dry swallowing it. "Yeah, I can stay on the line...thank you..." I sat down against the bathroom door, trying to calm down and realizing that I really, really wanted Pete at that moment...not in a sexual way, I just...needed support. I put the 911 operator on speakerphone and pulled up my texts.
'Call me as soon as you can.' He'd texted.
'I'm still on the line with the 911 operator, I put her on speaker so I could text you. I can hear the ambulance already.' I stood up and got my bag, tossing a few of Sarina's things into it, carrying the phone with me.
"Okay, the ambulance is there, can you go open the door for the EMTs?"
"Yeah," I said, in a sort of eerily calm daze. I moved over to the door and unlocked it, propping it open and going back to sit by the door to the bathroom.
'She's gonna be OK. This isn't your fault. Where are you?'
'I basically called her a whore. Kinda makes it my fault. We're in Riverdale, why?'
'I'm meeting you at the hospital. Which one's closest?'
"Are they there?" I looked up to see the EMTs coming through the door.
"Yeah, they're here..."
"Okay, I'm going to hang up now."
"Kay." I felt the EMT moving me out of the way. They broke the door down and pulled her out of the tub.
"Is she on any medications?" The EMT asked.
"What?" I asked, looking up at him.
"Is she on any medications?" He asked again.
"Oh, um..." I got up and opened the medicine cabinet, rummaging, getting confused. "They're not in here..."
"Two empty bottles in the bathroom," the other EMT said, taking them. "Let's get her on the bus."
"I...c-can I come?" I asked. The EMT nodded.
"Yeah, come on." They lifted up the backboard to carry her down the stairs, and I tried to keep close. Once we were on the ambulance, they kept asking me questions. I gave them what I could, then I remembered that I'd grabbed her wallet. I pulled it out and handed over her driver's license and social security card.
"Do you know what she was taking the pills for?"
I shook my head. "No, I...I think depression, I'm not sure though..." I pulled my phone back out.
'Thecla, which one is closest?'
'Roseland. We're almost there. You don't have to come...'
'Nice try, but I'm coming.'
We got there and they made me wait in the waiting room while they dealt with her in the back. I called Pete.
"I'm in the waiting room," I said softly. "They won't let me back..."
"I'm on my way, but it's far. Why the hell do you live in Riverdale, do you want to get shot?"
"I know you don't really understand this, but some of us have to take what we can afford," I snapped. He didn't say anything. "You shouldn't be on the phone while you're driving. Why are you even coming?"
"Because."
"Because why? I'm just some girl you slept with. Once. And then had a huge fight with."
"You're more than that."
"What does that even mean?"
"I don't know. You're not the only one who isn't sure what's going on between us, ok?"
"Okay," I said softly.
"Now, will you tell me what happened?"
"I don't know. I got home a few hours ago and I picked a fight with her, and then...I don't know, they said something about empty bottles, and she was wet..."
"Thecla, are you okay?"
"Yeah...no...I...what do you mean? Of course I'm not okay..."
"No, I mean...you sound...off..."
"Of course I'm off, I've just killed my roommate..." I pulled my knees to my chest, beginning to cry.
"You didn't kill her, Thecla. She's going to be fine, thanks to you."
"She did it thanks to me."
"That isn't true and you know it."
I wiped my eyes. "What if she's not fine?"
He sighed. "She will be."
"You don't know that!"
"Thecla, think. She had to turn the music on before she passed out, right? And you went out there right then, and you didn't wait around to call 911. She can't have been out that long."
"They put a tube in her throat," I whispered.
"Of course they did, she was unconscious. It's just to help her breathe. Standard procedure. Try to relax, okay? I'm almost there."
"I can't relax. I...they...they gave me meds today...I took one, but it's not working..."
"That's why you sound off. What is it?" I closed my eyes, thinking.
"Something with a 'c', I don't remember..."
"Clonazepam?"
"Yeah, that's it," I whispered, laying my head back against the wall.
"How much?"
"What?"
"Thecla, how much did you take?"
"I only took one. She told me to take half, but I couldn't get it to break..."
"Are you tired?"
"Yes...and no..." I realized my leg was bouncing like crazy, even as I could feel myself starting to drift off.
"That's why your memory's acting up. The shit fucks with your head, and it doesn't even help with bipolar, why the fuck did they give you that?"
"I'm not bipolar...not everyone is you..."
"Well why'd they give it to you?"
"Anxiety. She gave me something else too..."
"What's the other one?"
"I dunno, I haven't looked at it. It's an anti-depressant." He sighed. "Why are you sighing for?" I asked him.
"Why am I sighing for?" He asked, and I could hear the smile in his voice.
"You have a bad habit of laughing at me, Mr. Wentz," I said, smiling a bit myself. "They probably think I'm high..."
"You are, technically."
"Nuh-uh..."
"Yep."
"This is what it feels like? Why do people do it, then? I feel stupid."
"They do it to forget things."
"Oh. Where are you?"
"I'm not far, baby, I promise," he said softly.
"Kay," I said softly. I guess I dozed off again, because the next thing I knew, he was shaking me gently awake. I sat up, rubbing my eyes. He smiled a bit and reached up to fix the eyeliner I'd just screwed all to hell.
"Hey," he said softly.
"Hey..." I swallowed tiredly.
"Give me the pills, Thecla."
"What?" I asked.
"Give them here, I'll break them in half for you."
"Um, no. You can do it when we're somewhere else," I said. He looked around.
"Good point." I nodded.
"See, I know how to keep myself out of trouble."
"I still don't like you living out here, it's not safe. And what, it's you and Sarina and the other roommate, alone?"
"We're fine, Pete," I said. "Please just drop it. I don't want to fight right now."
He sighed. "Fine," he said, wrapping his arms around me. A doctor came out and looked around.
"Sarina Logdon?" The doctor called. I stood up quickly and almost fell back down, but Pete caught me, sitting me back down gently. The doctor walked over to us. "Are you alright?" He asked me.
"They started her on Klonopin today," Pete explained. "They don't have the dose quite right yet..."
The doctor nodded understandingly. "Right. We're moving Miss Logdon to a room for tonight, at least. We've pumped her stomach, and she's breathing on her own, but we gave her something to help her sleep. Obviously, with this kind of situation, we're concerned about sending her home...has she ever tried anything like this before?'
"No, not since I moved in, maybe before though, I'm not sure," I said softly. "I...I picked a fight with her earlier, but...that happens a lot," I said, looking confused and ashamed. "I...I don't know what was different this time..."
The doctor nodded. "Okay, well, they're moving her now and we're trying to get up with her doctor. Do you have any idea how to get up with the doctor?"
"Yes!" I said, a little too excitedly. "Um, sorry, yeah, I have her emergency number." I pulled out my phone and scrolled through the recent calls. "Shit, man, how many times did you call me?" I blushed. "Sorry," I told the doctor, who shook his head to excuse it. I read off the number and he nodded.
"Thanks, that should help. I'll have a nurse let you guys know as soon as we have a room number."
I nodded. "Okay."
The doctor walked away and Pete pulled me into his lap. I took a deep breath, resting my head on his shoulder.
"We still have to talk," I said.
"I know," he said. "For now, rest. What time are you supposed to take the other one?"
I shrugged. "She said to pick a time and stick to it. What time is it?" I felt him check his phone.
"Almost five," he said. "You should go ahead and take it."
I nodded and leaned over, pulling the pill bottle out of my bag, along with the bottle of water I'd bought earlier, taking one of the little pills, reading the bottle for the first time, then handed it to him, laying my head on his shoulder. He read it and shook his head, then put it back in my bag.
"What?" I asked.
"Nothing," he said, shaking his head again.
"It isn't nothing."
"I haven't known you long enough to really know what's going on with you," he said, "but I really think you're manic-depressive. You seemed pretty manic last night, and when we were fighting earlier. If you are, then neither one of those meds are going to work."
"We have a tendency to see ourselves in other people," I said groggily. He smiled down at me.
"I'm aware. I hope I am wrong," he said, then kissed my head. "Rest, now. I'll wake you when they come tell us a room number."
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A Little More Touch Me