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Long, Hard Road Out of Hell	By : FlameWolf666 Category: Singers/Bands/Musicians > Marilyn Manson Views: 2983 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: Disclaimer: As you know, I still do not know Marilyn Manson, Johnny Depp or any of the other famous people in this fic. This story is, of course, fiction. This was written for fun and no profit will be made.

Chapter List
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Author’s Note: ‘Sleep. Those little slices of death. How I loathe them.’ - Edgar Allan Poe

‘Odds of Even’ (c) Marilyn Manson

Sorry for delays. Real life hasn’t been kind. I will try to do better but updates may be sporadic for the time being.

Chapter Two: Magnetic Pull

    Raven seemed to be doing better, for a while anyway. For the first week living with Johnny, she had been happier than he had seen her. She had been laughing, joking, even working on songs here and there for her upcoming album. Then she had slowly, quietly started to fall apart. She had tried to be happy when her friend Amanda had given the news of her pregnancy but all she could feel was the dark, yawning feeling of loneliness. It wasn’t that she was alone either, all three of her friends doing what they could to make her feel loved as well as taken care of. It was just that she still missed Manson despite all of the damage he had caused her with his ill placed words.
    The singer had become a large part of her in a very short amount of time, the attraction she had to him as a teen not helping matters. The fact that he felt just as strongly about her still blew her mind and she felt oddly hollow without him by her side. She had been through this when he went on tours but this felt different. This felt far too similar to when she had left him. This felt like she had lost him, a feeling she knew was irrational but couldn’t help one bit. She still felt extremely guilty for what had happened despite the fact that everyone else told her otherwise, even her own head. It had gotten so bad that she had taken to putting a happy mask on her face just to please her friends.
    Gritting her teeth, she stared at herself in the mirror as she forced herself to swallow the horrible, aching hollow located in the center of her chest. She had to force herself to appear happy or her friends would start to worry for her. This felt all too familiar and she found herself tired of it all. She was tired of pretending, of feeling guilty for something she couldn’t help, of feeling like she was missing part of herself with Manson gone like this. “You should be here Brian. I just... I guess I expected you to hold me and tell me it couldn’t possibly be my fault not to... Do you really think its my fault or were you in just as much pain as I am? I wish you were here so I could ask,” sighed the ebony clad femme as she swept her inky hair into a ponytail. Then she was going out into the living room, a smile that hurt her soul curling her lips.
    Manson sighed, glaring at his make-up covered face while his band scampered back and forth to set up the stage. After a long conversation, the performer had been convinced by Jeordie to do a few concerts here and there to distract himself. There had been one condition, something John 5 hadn’t been happy about but had begrudgingly agreed to. The former band member was once again playing with them, taking the other man’s place for a few songs here and there. It had been before John’s time when Twiggy had played and he honestly found himself looking forward to working with his ex. He had even come up with a new song for this concert, something that fit what he was feeling all too well. “Manson? Its time,” Ginger informed him from the doorway. The thin male only nodded before closing his mismatched eyes and forcing his stage persona into place. He would need it if he was going to get through the night.
    Nearly a whole set later and the worn out rockstar found himself staring out over the fans that screamed his name. He wondered if they would be nearly as supportive of him if they had known what he had done to his fiance. Would they still be calling his name with such vigor if they knew he had blamed her own miscarriage. So he closed his eyes and waited, waited for their cheers to die down. He wanted them to hear the guilt in his voice, didn’t want to hear any worship from them. Not during this song. This song was a confession of sorts. Thankfully, it didn’t take too long for an uneasy silence to fall over the crowd. Then he was motioning over to the band, opening his eyes as music started to play. “Stood in the face of grim death, screaming ‘Monsters, bring me to deafness!’” he whispered, pain apparent in his baritone as his heterochromic orbs scanned the mob.
    “My dagger and swagger are useless in the face of the mirror when the mirror is made of my face,” growled the performer, fighting back the tears clogging his throat as he began to move slowly along the lip of the stage. His rasped words seemed to resonate with some of the audience and a confused vibe began to fill the cavernous arena.
    “This is the House of Death. Even Angels die in the arms of demons,” he spat out in a bitter voice, his inflection full of self loathing. Then he repeated the line even louder, stopping in place to close his eyes as a wave of sorrow washed over him. No matter what he tried to distract himself, he was running out of places to run. It wouldn’t be much longer before he returned to Raven out of sheer desperation to be near her.
    “Hide your heart in your gut, but for what?” whispered the superstar, sounding gutted himself as he ground his teeth together. He just had to get through this one song, then he could go and hide in the back room of his tour bus until Jeordie coaxed him to come out again. Then start the cycle all over again.
    “When they're waiting to pull you apart like a scarecrow on death row so now all of your secrets are shown,” he practically moaned into the mic, feeling his gut curdle as he felt an urge to vomit. How could he hide when Raven was likely beating herself up for his mistake. He needed to be sorting this shit out for himself, not on a stage singing for people who could care less about his personal life.
    “This is the House of Death. Even Angels die in the arms of demons,” he screamed, the poignant agony in his voice seeming to shock the people watching. A low murmuring started but the distraught man found he simply couldn’t care at the moment.
    “This is the House of Death. Even Angels die in the arms of demons!” Manson repeated, well aware that the guitar playing was moving closer.
    “No one is exempt from the odds of even,” he whispered, turning to address the unsettled audience. Jeordie came to stand by his side, the musician’s presence not helping the inner turmoil he felt.
    “No one is exempt from the odds of even,” the goth rocker repeated, the words sounding more like a statement than lyrics. The other man to his left leaned closer but even that didn’t help. Jeordie wasn’t who he needed. Who he needed was miles away and hurting very deeply.
    “No one is exempt from the odds of even,” he continued his eyes fluttering closed as his heart cramped with pain. He deserved this, he had been a fool to think he deserved to be happy.
    “No one is exempt from the odds of even,” came another repetition of the line, sounding like a sigh as he slipped to one knee. He barely held onto the microphone as unconscious tears tracked mascara down his painted cheeks. He shrugged off the hands on his shoulders as the guitar next to him stopped playing. His eyes slowly opened once again to give a soul searing look to the audience.
    “No one is exempt from the odds of even,” he uttered in a deadpan, assurance filled voice. Then he was getting to his feet and running, heading straight for the tour bus. The pain that filled his chest was enormous, clogging his throat with tears that he barely managed to choke back until he had shut himself safely in the back room.
    “Raven,” he gasped out in a shaky voice, pulling out his phone to flip it open. Tear filled eyes landed on the familiar number that he dared not call.
    Letting out a cry tinged with frustration and anguish, Manson held the small object to his forehead as he slid to his knees on the carpeted floor. Harsh, horrible sobs ripped free of his bony chest, his pale body rocking back and forth in an instinctual effort to soothe him. “Oh babe, I can only imagine how bad you feel if this is how I’m doing. I wish I could call you or just come back but... I just... I’m not sure if I’m ready to be around you. Just seeing you reminds me that I failed you but now you think otherwise. You probably think I’m disgusted with you,” he growled in a broken whisper, his fingers hovering over the call icon.
    Johnny and Amanda had decided to take her to the Zoo today, against all of Raven’s protests. Even the curly haired journalist had been surprised but had ultimately gone along just to get the once artist get out of the house. It had taken the easily recognizable actor coming out in giant shades and clothes he wouldn’t normally wear to convince the wary female to acquiesce. When they had gotten there, the depressed singer had to admit it made her slightly better to see some of the animals. Their first stop had been the tigers by the popular request of Amanda, the big cats coming up to the fence and seeming to take a great interest in them.
    Things had only gotten better from there, getting to pet a giraffe, seeing wolves and their pups playing as if nothing bothered them and getting to hold a fox kit. The little ball of fur had been utterly adorable, licking her cheek as well as snuggling into her chest. When it came time to hand him back to his handler, both parties were reluctant. The little pup even began to whimper and cry for her, confusing the Zoo worker while pulling at Raven’s heart strings. “Gee, I’ve never seen lil Max take on so...,” the blonde whispered, trying to console the crying kit. The black clad femme had to excuse herself before she took the small canine again and never gave him back. Amanda was right behind her, Johnny lingering a little longer before joining the pair. After a small break for the distraught woman to compose herself, the trio went off to see the lions. It was there that things went terribly wrong.
    As Raven watched a lion clean a lioness’s face, a familiar ringtone began to rise up from her pocket. Her heart immediately dove into her stomach as nausea replaced any good feelings she had from earlier. Looking up, she saw that her companions hadn’t heard it and she quietly snuck off to pull her phone out of her pocket. Looking down at the small, red object, the rising performer licked her dry lips before flipping it open and pressing it to the cup of her ear. “M-marilyn? A-are you there,” she gasped out, that cold, sick feeling getting worse as her heart pounded against her breast. This wasn’t helped when utter silence greeted her.
    “Please, please I need to hear your voice. To hear that you still love me. To hear... that you don’t blame me for losing our child despite... despite not w-wanting...,” she begged, her vision tripling from tears as her heart clenched into a tight ball. She couldn’t finish her sentence, not when just thinking it was painful enough. A light, husky gasp came in response, making her hold her breath as she dared to hope.
    “Raven,” came a barely there whisper, so quiet she could almost think she had imagined it. Time stood still as she didn’t dare move, her heart drumming loudly in her ears as she waited for him to answer or just a confirmation that he was really there.
    “I...,” began the same, quiet voice just as Johnny and Amanda began to call for her in the background.
    “Oh fuck, not now,” moaned the desperate female as she swayed on her feet. Just as she feared, the other end went dead; dropping her heart through the floor. She was dimly aware of slipping to her knees as her heart shattered, Depp running up to ask what was wrong before she simply blacked out from the pain roaring through where her heart used to be.
    He stared down at the phone in his hand, feeling an extreme urge to throw it against the wall but managing to rein that urge in. While he would have done so without a thought in the past, the rocker was now making a concerted effort to control himself as much as possible. There had been so much pain in her voice, all of it his fault. But he had already known that. Letting out a growl of frustration, Manson gripped his dark haired head in shaky hands. Whether he was ready or not, he needed to go back now. He was done hiding from his pain while the woman he loved clearly needed his presence and reassurance. He could only hope she forgave him.
    Raven also stared down at her phone, unaware that she was a perfect mirror of her fiance as Johnny scooped her up into strong arms. Every part of her had gone numb with the exception of the center of her chest. That felt like something with very cruel claws had ripped something vital out of her, causing unaware tears to roll down her pallid cheeks. Someone was pulling her phone out of loose fingers and she was dimly aware of a female voice calling someone a slew of nasty names. “Enough Amanda. You don’t even know what happened. Even if he did cuss her out, you know how your hatred towards him makes her react,” came an admonishing, stern baritone from above her as she cuddled into a lightly muscled chest. The string of swearing stopped but an aura of anger and absolute disgust still permeated the air.
    “Give me the phone now. I want to see just how long this call lasted,” came a cold demand, a tone that shocked the distraught female slightly out of her stupor. Even before she had known the thespian, she would have never expected him to have the capability to be so commanding.
    There was a slight shifting as Amanda took the driver’s seat and then things were dipping as the taller male got into the backseat. There was a faint light that Raven assumed was her phone but she really couldn’t bring herself to care. Sighing, she nuzzled the actor’s clothed pecs as she closed her eyes and willed the pain to stop. She just wanted the hollow, aching feeling to stop. “Doesn’t look like it was that long. Only a few seconds,” murmured the soothing voice of her friend, a warm pair of lips lightly landing on her forehead.
    “What the fuck did he say in a few seconds to make her break so hard,” bit out her long time friend from the front as the car began to rock and move.
    “Its what he didn’t say,” Raven replied in a quiet voice, barely loud enough for either of her companions to hear.
    “What was that sweetie?” came a soft murmur, the lips on her forehead moving down to her right cheek.
    “I... It was what he didn’t say,” she whispered again, only slightly louder. The star holding her only held her, the facial hair on his upper lip tickling her sensitive flesh.
    “And what was that? None of us are going to get angry with either you or him,” he soothed in a gentle tone, his mouth moving ever closer to hers.
    “That... that it wasn’t my fault,” she breathed in a tear clogged voice, breaking into sobs as she leaned into the famous man for comfort.
    His smooth, oddly calming scent filled her nose and she found herself relaxing despite the open sore where her heart should be. It was then he took her lips in a sweet, soft kiss, the action shocking her as much as it aroused her. Guilt and need crashed into her like a torrent and she found herself barely hanging onto the fact that this was technically wrong. She was engaged to Manson! She should be pulling away from him and slapping his face for daring to take advantage of the situation. Instead, she melted into the embrace; opening her mouth to give his          lips a tentative lick. She was just so tired of feeling horrible and Johnny was helping distract her from her inner turmoil. She wanted to feel loved and wanted, safe if just for a moment.
    The star holding her froze, his hands twitching on her upper back as he fought with himself. Then he was breaking the embrace, closing his eyes as he rested his forehead against hers. “I’m sorry Raven, I shouldn’t have done that. I have no right to kiss you or even hold you right now but... I can’t just leave you to feel so much pain. Not when I love you as much as I do. That kiss should have never happened,” he whispered, his voice tinged with heartbreak and regret. To both their shocks, the woman in his arms grabbed his face to drag him down into another liplock. The handsome male went board stiff, every part of him desperately wanting to return her affection; especially since there was such a feeling poignant pain in the embrace. Instead, he gently pushed her away; shaking his head and ignoring the stab of pain in his chest when she gave him an absolutely gutted glance.
    “You don’t want me either...,” she whispered the heartbreak and sorrow in her voice very nearly shaking his resolve. So, when she tried to get out of his lap to sit on her own, he tightened his hold on her.
    “You know that’s not true. You’re stressed and in pain, you can’t want to pursue anything sexual with me. Not truly. I know you far too well to think you could possibly want this, not when you know what it would do to Manson,” he reasoned, petting her ebony hair. His heart ached for both her and himself as she nestled into his chest and began to cry again.
    “I just... I just want to feel wanted, to feel anything but the persistent, gnawing guilt I carry around like a damp blanket. I know it wasn’t my fault but... What if... what if Brian...,” whispered the rising singer before dissolving into loud sobs as she clung to the actor like a security blanket.
    “Shhhh, he didn’t mean what he said. He’s hurting too. I’m fairly certain he feels his own amount of guilt for what happened. Knowing his personality, he blames himself for not being with you when it happened; despite the fact that he couldn’t possibly have known anything like that would happen,” Depp replied, fighting the urge to give in and let her make this mistake. He loved her deeply and the one night he had been allowed to give her oral hadn’t nearly been enough. Yet, as much as he wanted all of her, he had to be the bigger person. No matter how much it hurt him.
    Thankfully they reached the actor’s house within the next few moments, Amanda seeming confused about whether she should stay or leave. “I appreciate your help back there Mandy but... I think we need some time alone,” the goateed male declared as he got out of the back of his car, a still sobbing Raven held in a secure grip. The curly haired female pursed her lips but nodded stiffly. As much as she disagreed with his decree, she knew her presence would more than likely just stress her friend even more. So, with a last glance at the former freelancer, the journalist got into her own car and left. All she could hope was that Johnny would take care of the broken woman.
    The star didn’t wait until she was gone, simply moving into his large house and shutting the door behind him. Once inside, Raven was dragging him down into another kiss; making it very hard for the actor to continue to resist. With great reluctance, Depp broke the kiss again to set her gently on her feet. He wanted to continue this desperately but he just couldn’t. Not only would he be taking advantage of a dear friend while she was in a vulnerable state, he would also be betraying another in the bargain. “Please Raven, we can’t. You know that darling,” he whispered, holding her in a tight hug as he rested his mustached lips on the crown of her head.
    “I don’t care. He isn’t here. You are. Please, it doesn’t have to mean anything. I just... I just want to forget about everything, if only for a little while,” she whispered in a tear choked voice, wrapping her arms around his waist as she rested her cheek on the black material covering his pecs.
    Her words struck something inside Johnny and he closed his eyes tightly as his hands came up to rest on her upper back. “You’ll only feel guilty about this in the morning and you know that. Believe me, it isn’t that I don’t want you. I’ve never wanted someone so much in my whole life. Because of that, I must act responsibly with you. You aren’t in your right mind currently. When you have time to calm down, you’ll come to see this behavior as shameful. Not only that, but you could possibly come to hate me if I went along with it. I don’t want you to be ashamed or hurt by something that would mean the world to me,” he tried to reason, doing his best to ignore the pain wrapping itself around his heart. The distraught woman in his arms only shook her head before looking up at him. The tears rimming her hazel eyes were very nearly his undoing but he managed a smile for her anyway.
    Completely oblivious to Johnny’s inner turmoil, the ex-artist grabbed his face once again to draw him down into another kiss. “Please Johnny. I need this. I need you,” she whispered, the slight huskiness in her voice making him groan just before she took his mouth again.
    “I know this is wrong, I know it’ll only hurt all three of us but... I just...,” then she was breaking down into sobs, trying to back out of his hold.
    “No... you’re right. This... this is... I’m so sorry...,” she began, only to be shocked by the taller male giving her an almost ferocious kiss. It was so violent that their teeth clicked together and her lip split but that didn’t stop the star’s fervor.
    At first she froze, then she was melting as her eyes fluttered shut. A warm feeling of happiness and lust began to rise within her. Soon she even found herself returning the embrace, opening to him when he licked her lips. Then he was in her mouth, tasting like a little slice of heaven as his tongue swirled around hers. Within moments, much too soon for Raven’s liking, Depp was breaking the kiss to lock eyes with her. “I love you Raven. I would love nothing more than to make love to you. Just not now, not like this. But... there is something I can do that I don’t think Brian would have too many issues with,” he rumbled, his brown eyes nearly black from the desire he held for her.
    Next thing she knew, the star was leading her upstairs and to his room. This wouldn’t be the first time she had been in there either. She had tried to sleep in her own room on her first night, against Johnny’s protests. That had ended with her waking the actor up with her screams due to a horrible nightmare she was having. Depp had come running into her room, shaking her awake and holding her to him while she sobbed. Then he had moved her to his room, where she had been staying ever since. She had suggested moving back to her room but the celebrity simply wouldn’t hear of it, even going so far as to threaten to move her while she slept if she tried.
    Chuckling at the memory, the ebony haired female entered the spacious room first; feeling the faintest thread of apprehension when her friend shut the door. The click of the door hitting home had a strange finality to it and she knew it was far too late to think of stopping this now. At this point, she wasn’t entirely sure she wanted to. She was frankly tired of feeling like shit because she cared too much about the opinion of her fiance. Yet, despite how much hurt and betrayal she felt, there was still a voice in her head telling her that this was no better than when Manson had cheated on her. A thought she really didn’t need at the moment.
    Suddenly she found herself enveloped in a pair of strong arms, the man holding her leaning down to give her a sweet, lingering kiss. Then those lips were moving to her forehead before he was backing away, his arms dropping away from her as he gave her a gentle smile. “I’m going to turn my back for you dear. I want you to take off your pants as well as your underwear and get under the covers for me,” he requested, his deep voice much more gruff than she was used to. Just the sound of it sent a shiver of need up her spine and she shuddered as a blush bloomed on her porcelain colored cheeks.
    “Y-you d-don’t have to do that,” she whispered, shaking slightly as her old fear began to overtake her. Stomping on it hard, she took a deep breath to steady herself before beginning to undo the black jeans she wore.
    Johnny watched with keen eyes, his regard very nearly shaking her already unsteady resolve. Doing her best to swallow her rising panic, Raven grit her teeth in determination; unbuttoning and unzipping her tight pants. Then she was moving them slowly down her ample hips. Her heart beat a fandango in her chest, making it hard to breathe but she managed to hold onto herself; at last freeing herself of the jeans. Letting out a shaky breath, she avoided the actor’s intense gaze as her quivering hands moved to her lime green panties. Closing her eyes and forcing her breathing to remain slow as her anxiety prickled at her brain, the shy woman slid off her underwear. The silence that followed was deafening and she found herself completely lacking the ability to open her eyes again.
    So, when Johnny touched her arms, she nearly jumped out of her skin as her hazel orbs flew open. The expression of love and utter lust on his handsome face nearly made her collapse with relief, her fear and anxiety fading to a whisper in the back of her head. “You’re absolutely gorgeous hun. With or without clothes,” the star assured, hunger clear in his now ebony eyes. Then he was kissing her again, urgency in his movements as he backed her slowly, carefully towards the bed. When the backs of her bare legs hit the silk covered mattress, she broke the embrace with a blush before crawling onto it and laying on her back. As she looked up at her friend and would-be lover, Raven nearly gasped at the intensity of the lust on his tanned visage.
    Before she could say anything, he was crawling onto the bed to spread her legs and lay between them. His facial hair covered mouth was bare inches from touching her curl dusted mound and his eyes glittered up at her. “Do you want this?” he husked out, his tone making another shudder of want run through her.
    “Yes Johnny,” she whispered, her heart thudding slightly when he gave her a grin. Then his mouth was meeting her junction and she was moaning as her fingers wound in his shoulder length, midnight hair.
    His talented tongue wrapped around her clit, suckling and making her moan as her hips tilted upward. One of his hands came up to hold her down, allowing him to lap at her without interruption or interference. On occasion the dextrous muscle would enter her and a deep growl would bubble forth from the actor, making Raven shudder as soft noise issued from her lips. “G-god Johnny, aahhh,” she gasped, tipping her head back as she humped his face as best as she could with her hips pinned. He only chuckled against her, licking at her greedily. Then she was falling apart, her vision filled with supernovas as he continued to move his tongue along her slit. When she pushed at him, he backed off to crawl up her shudder body to give her a smirk.
    “Sleep now Raven. You’ve had a very long day,” he whispered, moving a lock of her hair out of her face before he laid beside her.
    The artist grinned before snuggling up to him. Still, in the back of her mind, she knew she would feel an overwhelming amount of guilt for her actions. She had cheated on her fiance and she would have to tell him, something she didn’t look forward to in the least. As it was, she didn’t even know if he still loved her. So, with a heavy sigh, Raven nuzzled into the actor’s chest and allowed herself to fall asleep. Johnny only hummed softly, kissing her forehead as he kept watch over her as long as he could.
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Long, Hard Road Out of Hell