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Tony Loves Benji	By : MyBloodItches Category: Singers/Bands/Musicians > Good Charlotte Views: 2466 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction. I do not know the members of Good Charlotte. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

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I just wanted to say thanks to everyone who bothered to review! you are awesome. lol I know im a sick fuck- and for that I'm sorry- but enjoy!

Chapter Twenty-One
Sometimes your mind blacks out. When your experiencing pain- when your hurting, mentally or physically. And you don't remember the things that you've done. The things that you've said. That entire evening was like a blur to me- somewhere deep inside my head I knew what had happened. But it was like I couldn’t bring myself to admit it. It isn't everyday you rape your own brother. And what a fucked up realization that was for me. What kind of a sick person does that to another human being? The act I speak of- of coarse being those two with their fucking video camera. Forcing people into situations that defy explanation. I never felt clean after that day- just this disgusting film that always seemed to line my body. Like a putrid reminder of the fact that I was tainted. And I could never scrub it off- the water, the soap I could nearly rub myself raw in that steaming shower and still feel as th I h I were so dirty- under the skin.
When I came to- sometime early in the morning house, my entire body felt stiff. Aching, throbbing and generally just sore everywhere imaginable. I cursed Tony under my breath looking around the room still making sure not to move any more parts of my body than necessary. My room, I was in my room, face up on the bed- both hands restrained by that sick set of handcuffs. My initial reaction was to scream out- panicked at the restraints, but as soon as my arms shifted I felt a hand clamp over my mouth- rendering me speechless. Instantly my still bloodshot eyes shot up to connect with a set of matching brown orbs. Joel. Joel was still there- with me, unrestrained. I wondered why it was he had been the one to be unrestrained but I supposed that it was due to the fact that Joel posed little threat to either of the bigger men.
"Shhh.." He whispered while putting his index finger to his lips- his blood soaked lips. My eyes shot open wider just taking in my poor brothers disheveled appearance. His normally pink lips were a distinct red hugh- dried and long since scabbing over- cracking in each corner. A set of deep purple, almost black handprints wrapped nearly completely around his delicate neck. My mind soared- who had done this to him...I, I had done this. Regret washed over me. He didnt deserve it. He was too good for any of this.
"Oh God Joel...Joel I'm so sorry!" I whispered to him with a frown- I couldn’t control myself, as the tears began to well in the corners of my eyes. I'd never wanted to hurt him, of all the people in my life- Joel was the one I admired the most. simply because he was so pure- in the person he was. So guanine- and I'd batter him to no end.
"They're sleeping..." He then continued to whisper ignoring my sorrow- pointing to the rooms one and only door. It stood wide open giving a view into the room directly across the hall from us- where both Matt and Tony lay on the spare bed- their chests rising and falling softly, sleeping.
"When did they do this to you?" I found myself asking him quietly- still eyeing his neck casually. It was just something I couldn’t take my eyes off of. I felt horrible, I felt more than horrible I felt guilty. I had done this to him and I couldn't make it better- I couldn’t take it back. Lord only knows what the actions had caused him in the matter of metal health issues- all because I couldn't stand up to the two.
"A year or two ago...I...I don’t remember the actual date...Im trying to forget it.." He whispered this time, his voice sounding nearly inaudible I just looked to him with eyes that begged him to continue- because I needed to know. I felt like it was another piece to the puzzle and more importantly I just wanted to know what those savages had done to my poor innocent Joel.
"Im so fucking sorry Joel.." I tried to repeat to him- the tears now spilling down my cheeks unintentionally. I felt my voice begin to crack and my eyes blurred as the tears kept coming, and I knew I was going to lose my mind.
"Benji don’t.." He cooed to me quietly, as if trying to comfort my own woes. An act I for one couldn't understand. I'd made him cry in pain- I'd hurt him beyond words and he was trying to tell me it was okay? "I know what you feel.." He then added in that same soft comforting tone- "And it isn't your fault...those two just turn people into monsters.." He then rationalized to me. An explanation that seemed to do the situation alittle bit of justice. It was true- the anger those two had created inside of me, It was consuming me and Joel had been the first outlet I'd ever been allowed to have.
"I still shouldn't have done that to you.." I sobbed looking up at the ceiling in dismay. I felt almost disgusting in that gaze of his. He was so beautiful- I myself was nothing compared to him. "why are you still here- go...you can make it out.." I then offered to him motioning with my head towards the open bedroom door. He laughed lightly shaking his head.
"Yeah right- do you know why I came here today..?" He asked me- and the question caught me alittle off guard. I hadn’t ever really stopped to ask that question- he hadn't spoken to me in so long, and then just like that out of the blue there he was, in the wrong place at the wrong time. What an un-needed cliche thing to say I know. "Because I was tired of feeling your pain.." He said slowly, biting nervously on his lower lip. I smiled in spite of everything at the mention of that faithful twin connection. "They aren't gonna hurt you anymore okay? I Just....I think we need a plan.." he then explained and my eyes perked up to his bewildered. Was he actually speaking of mutiny? The punishment for such actions could be fatal- if we weren’t successful, I think Joel knew that though. Because Matt and Tony Lovato we're quite what they seemed at all- inside they were cold blooded snakes.
"A plan?" I questioned shaking my head- as if the mear mention of the word were crazy. Because that meant that it was premeditated and that was against the rules. "Are you crazy- look, if you ain’t noticed im sort of a prisoner in my own house...getting out isn’t so easy...or I'd of done it sooner don’t you think?" I then informed him with a soft sigh shaking my head bitterly. It was a nice thought- the idea that my own brother had come to rescue me- me the one who wasn’t even worth the time.
"No. I don't. Tony's got you so tight around his finger you can't even see that he’s bad. He’s so bad- and you’re so good. Too good to give him your love.." He whispered to me in reassurance of all the doubts I guess he knew I had inside. Another one of those great twin connections. It was always impossible to hide my feelings from Joel- he could just see to the real me, even when I thought I was doing a good job of hiding myself.
"I don't think he’s like this inside...he just can't be Joel..:" I began to gush- my mind becoming alittle more emotional about the boy than I'd anticipated. I guess one cant help who their heart burns for. And he had it- from the very start he'd had my heart, and now it was too hard to let go. And How bitter it was- something I'd wanted so badly, ended up being what destroyed the person I thought that I was. Strong, courageous- daring. I was none of those things anymore, none of those things I use to pride myself on being. And Joel could see that.
"He is. He is as rotten as hell- can't you at least just trust me...if you cant see it- trust that I can?"

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Tony Loves Benji