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Dead Like Me	By : poe Category: My Chemical Romance > General Views: 4827 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction. I do not know the members of My Chemical Romance. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 19
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I woke up, and opened my eyes, only to immediately scrunch them closed as tightly as I could. It was early; I could tell because the sun was shining right through my window. I hate the sun. It's annoying as hell, and I'd just as soon live underground than actually have to be outside. It's just not my thing. Neither is getting up early. That's also annoying as hell.
I felt, or rather didn't feel my right arm. Fuck, I also hate waking up to find out that you've slept on one of your limbs and it is completely useless.
I decided to brave the blinding light, and opened my eyes a teeny tiny bit. Gradually I got used to the light and I looked over to find my offending limb to move it manually. And then I almost shit myself. Frankie was in my bed. Well that explains the sleeping limb. But why was he still here?
I didn't usually let him stay all night. I rolled over, or went out, or I even kicked him out of my bed a few times. I didn't want him to get the wrong idea. I didn't want him to think that there was a chance in hell that I cared about him. Well, maybe sometimes I did. No! I didn't. Fuck, what the hell is wrong with me? Why did I let him stay? And why the hell was my arm around him. I hadn't slept with someone in.....well, a really long time and it's been even longer since I slept with my arm around someone. But now Frankie......fuck. He was doing a fucking number on me. I must be getting soft in my old age. The real Gerard would NEVER let Frankie stay in his bed.
I knew that something was up when I got in the shower with him. He just wanted to fuck. Frankie never just wants to fuck. I mean, he thinks that he hides it or something, like I don't know what he won't even admit to himself. He thinks that he can remain unnattatched to me. He can't. It's impossible. I'm way to good a fuck.
I didn't even bug him about Mikey not being home. That was always a good one, the old "where's your boyfriend tonight?". But last night....Frankie never acts like that. I mean, he's never asked to sleep in my bed. Well, he didn't really ask mind you. Fuck, I fucking volunteered my bed?! I really am getting soft.
And since when did he cry at night. He thought I couldn't hear the way he was breathing? I've made enough people cry in my life to know when someone is trying to hide it. And I fucking hate it when people cry. Ugh, it's so goddamn irritating. Boo hoo, waa waa, go cry to your mommy, because I don't give a fuck. So why didn't I just kick him out? Fuck. This is not good. Not good at all...
And we weren't cuddling, I'll tell you that right now.
I muttered curses under my breath pushing his small frame over, and pulled my arm out from under him without waking him. I sighed, relieved, and rolled myself out of my bed. I grabbed my slippers and trodded to the kitchen. Not before I noticed Mikey passed out on the sofa. Hello? Well, let's just see what's going on here.
"Mikey!" I grabbed him and started shaking him violently, trying not to talk too loudly. "Wake up!"
"Wh--what....what the fuck...Gerard?" He mumbled groggily, rubbing his eyes. The fucker had fallen asleep in his clothes, and I could smell the alcohol on him.
"What the hell happened to you?" I asked as I dropped him back down onto the couch. "You look like shit."
He smiled weakly, and flipped me the finger. "I was out last night."
"Oh. With Bert?"
He got fidgety. Real fidgety. Oh, this is good.
"Well, I was with Geoff helping him at the show last night, and then Bert and I went to the pub and had a few beers...."
"Oh really? How is Bert?" I saw him getting more uncomfortable by the minute.
"Uh...he's...good. He's fine. Good."
"And how late were you two out?"
"Uh, not too late..."
I shook my head, and clicked my tongue at him, like our mom used to do when we were little. "Tsk, tsk, Mikey. You're hiding something, I can tell."
"Fuck off Gerard, I am not."
"Okay. Sure." I said to him, pretending that I believed him, even though I'm sure he knew I didn't. "So, Frankie seemed really upset last night..."
"Oh shit!" Mikey interrupted me before I could finish my sentence.
I liked where this was going. "What?"
Mikey rubbed a hand across his face, then raked it through his hair. "It was our anniversary yesterday. I promised him I'd be home, and I fucking forgot..."
He stood up and started towards Frankie's room. Should I let him find him? Hmm...what to do....
I went for the fridge and poured a glass of orange juice, and just as Mikey got to the hallway I called out, "If you're looking for him, he's not there."
Mikey turned around, and I could see the panicked look in his eyes. "Well, where the hell did he go?"
I took a sip of my orange juice. "Oh, he didn't leave, if that's what you mean."
"Well, if he's not in his room than where the hell is he?"
I just smiled at him and watched his eyes grow wide. It just gets better and better.
"You fucking sshole...tell me you didn't...." He said quietly, and started towards me. I didn't say anything. "Fuck you! You didn't!" He was yelling now, and walking towards me a lot faster than before.
I stood there and waited for him, "Oh, I wouldn't be doing that if I were you."
He stopped a few feet in front of me, his face beet red and his chest heaving. He wanted to kick the shit out of me. Oh this was so great. He wanted to kick the shit out of me for fucking with Frankie. He knew what happened. He knew it.
"And why the fuck not! I can't believe you fucked with him! You know how hard it was for him to get over you?! You know how long I had to wait for him? Why couldn't you just leave him alone you asshole?!"
"Don't get so upset! It's bad for your health."
"Fuck you Gerard, you know that? Fuck you!"
I raised an eyebrow at him, and he fingered me again. "Well, do you want me to tell you why you shouldn't do what you're thinking of doing right now?"
"How do you know what I'm thinking?" "Mikey, I'm your brother! I know you! Right now you are thinking about kicking my ass. You want to punch me right in the face, and then you are thinking of going into my room and screaming your lungs out at your sweet little boyfriend who is sleeping oh-so-peacefully at the moment. I have to say, I might have worn him out last night...."
Mikey raised his arm like he was going to punch me, and I smiled at him again. "Ah, ah ah! Don't do that, I'm warning you! You don't want to piss me off right now Mikey."
"Why the fuck not? Give me one reason why I shouldn't just kill you right now?" he growled out, his fists clenched at his sides.
I walked right up to him, til there was barely a foot between us. I said it quietly enough that he had to strain to hear it. "Because I know what you were doing last night. And you can't be mad at Frankie for doing to you what you're doing to him, can you?"
Mikey's eyes got real big again, and he took a step back. "Fuck you. I'm not cheating on him! I would never--"
I rolled my eyes at him. "Oh, Mikey, I'm your brother, remember? I know when you're lying. Don't try to lie to me."
He kept backing up as if by putting more distance between us he could erase the last five minutes of his life.
"Fuck," He kept muttering to himself, his hands wandering aimlessly through his hair again and again. "Gerard, I've really fucked this up. I never meant......I mean, I didn't think it would....hurt this much....but now that I know what......Fuck! What am I supposed to do?"
He looked up at me, and I saw it in his eyes. He was actually upset. I walked over to him and took a sip from my glass of orange juice, pointing down the hall. He turned and looked, and what I had seen the whole time. He saw Frankie standing there, his eyes brimming over with tears. He looked angry and confused and broken and betrayed, all at the same time. Something inside me flinched and I wanted to walk over to him and hug him. God, I wanted to hug him?
"Gerard?" He asked quietly as he walked towards us. "Why did you do that to me? Why did you tell? You promised! You promised you wouldn't do that! You know I didn't want to hurt him!" His voice had gotten louder the closer he got, and he was practically screaming by the time he reached me. Here I had done him a fucking favour, and this is how he repays me?
I beat him to it. I wasn't going to let him tear me to shreds without bringing him down with me. "Fuck you Frank, I did you a fucking favour! You came to ME. If you hadn't wanted me, then maybe you shouldn't have cheated on your boyfriend!" I pointed a finger at Mikey, not about to let him get off easily. "And you, fucking Bert?! Like, how long has that been going on?!"
Mikey turned on me, "Well, at least Bert actually cares about me, unlike you, Mister I-don't-give-a-FUCK-about-anyone-else!! We've been friends for a lot longer than you guys have, but I can tell you one thing, we're not nearly as fucked as YOU TWO!"
"Fuck you! You don't know anything about me! You don't know how I feel!"
"Shut up Gerard! I know exactly who you are!" Frankie was yelling at me now. His face was red and his eyes were spilling tears with a vengence. "You just use people! You used everyone! You fuck guys and you chuck them! You are afraid that you might actually like one of them so you push them away before they even have a chance of getting to you!"
"Oh, yeah Frank? You think you know everything about me? Well, how about this? Do you know that I hated seeing you and my brother together? Do you know that I actually was jealous of what you had? Do you know that I fucking care about you more than Mikey EVER HAS, but I couldn't say fuck all, and you know why? Because that just who I fucking am! It's not my fault that you were in love with me, and not Mikey! It's not my fault that you came to me, and wanted me to fuck you! You fucked it up for yourself! So don't pretend that this is my fucking fault because I wouldn't hold you, or tell you that I loved you, or fucking be your lovey-dovey little fucking boyfriend okay?! If you would just fucking left me alone like you should have then NONE OF THIS WOULD HAVE HAPPENED!"
All of a sudden the room was silent, and Frankie and Mikey were just staring at me. Oh shit. What did I just say?
"Gerard? What....I mean....you don't....you never........you..."
I sighed and put a hand over my face. This was not my fucking day.
"What, Frankie, you wanted the truth. That's the fucking truth. You can't handle it now?" I inhaled and exhaled a big breath. "The truth is that maybe.....I sort of......care about you....more than you think I do."
He stood there for a minute, completely silent. He didn't say anything, he didn't move. He just stared at me. Then his head slowly started shaking. "No, you don't." He looked up at me. "No, you don't. You don't. I loved you for seven fucking years, and you treated me like I didn't matter at all. You let me crawl over myself to get to you, you let me cheat on my fucking boyfriend, your brother, with you, and now you tell me that you care about me? Fuck you Gerard. You don't care about anyone but yourself, so fuck you." His voice wasn't loud or angry or hurt like I thought it would be. It was completely devoid of all emotion. It was so flat, so lifeless, I don't think I have ever heard anything so fucking scary in my life. It gave me goosebumps.
He turned to Mikey, his voice now full of emotion and heartache. Why didn't I make his voice go like that? "Mikey, I'm sorry that you had to get caught up in all this. I really did love you, you know that? I mean, I still do. It's just not the same way I loved him. He took too much of me. There wasn't enough left for you." He didn't even say my name.
Mikey nodded. "I know Frank. I knew it the whole time. I just didn't want to believe it. I loved you too. But it's different with Bert. I'm sorry too. I didn't want to hurt you."
I watched them hug, and a pang of something hit me square in the chest, travelling all the way down to my stomach, making me feel like I was going to puke. Then Frankie went to his room, and closed the door.
This wasn't what I had predicted at all. I was always right. What had happened. I knew what had happened. Nothing good ever came from telling people how you felt, that's what had happened. Now I fucked everything up. No, not me. Frank. If he fucking wants it this way, then that's the way it's going to be.
Mikey and I sat for a long time, just talking. I realized I didn't know either of them half as well as I thought I had. And I was genuinely sorry that he had gotten hurt. He had been doing so much that I was completely unaware of, like how he would jam with Geoff's band sometimes, and how him and Bert always talked about wanting to be in a band. I was glad, genuinely glad that he was happy. Surprisingly happy, actually for just having ended a three year relationship. I guess somethings are better that way.
**********
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Dead Like Me