Forbidden | By : n4n4mi Category: Dir en grey > General Views: 2209 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0 |
Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction. I do not know the members of Dir en grey. I do not make any money from the writing of this story. |
Chapter 18
The next day Shinya woke up at Toshiya's house. He was sleeping in Toshiya's bed with both Toshiya and Kyo. Why was he here?
”Morning”, Toshiya said tiredly, eyes half open.
”Why am I here? What happened last night?” Shinya asked. ”And where is Daisuke?”
”Ugh... Too many questions!” Toshiya sighed, looking annoyed. ”My head hurts like hell. I drank too much last night.”
Shinya didn't give up. ”What happened? I mean it, Toshiya!”
”Fine then. You were too drunk to go home”, Toshiya said. ”We all drank too much at Kaoru's party.”
”What about Dai?” Shinya wanted to know. ”Where is my boyfriend?”
Toshiya sighed heavily. ”He fell asleep on Kaoru's couch”, he answered. ”Now let's continue sleeping, okay? I don't feel like getting up yet.”
”No. I'm leaving”, Shinya said. ”We probably left Kaoru's house in a very bad condition if we were drunk. I'll go and clean up the mess. And you should too.”
”Shinya! Shut up!!!” Kyo growled from the other side of the bed. ”I want to sleep, get it?!”
”Fine then! Don't come! But I'm going!” Shinya hissed, getting out of the bed. ”No reason to get mad!”
”You're one to talk”, Toshiya sighed and got a pillow on his face by Shinya. ”Owww!”
***
Kaoru had already woke up and got a shower, when Yoshiki finally woke up. Kaoru was doing his hair in front of the mirror when he heard Yoshiki yawn. The older man's eyes were already open. ”Good morning, sensei”, Kaoru said and turned around, putting his hairbrush on a table near him.
”Morning...” Yoshiki muttered. ”What time is it?”
”It's already 2 pm”, Kaoru answered. He couldn't even look at his teacher in the eyes, because he remembered too well what had happened after they had found the bedroom last night. Yoshiki had been trying to seduce him.
”God... I shouldn't had drinked so much”, Yoshiki sighed, looking embarrassed. ”But here I am now, at your house, with the worst possible hangover ever.”
”Yeah... Well, we all drank too much alcohol”, Kaoru said quietly. He was confused. Didn't Yoshiki remember what had happened? Had he totally forgotten?
”I'm sorry for being a trouble to you”, Yoshiki said, sounding embarrassed. ”Alcohol doesn't suit me very well. I'm not myself when I drink a lot.”
”I know”, Kaoru muttered, staring at his feet. He was quiet for a while, before he continued: ”Yoshiki... you don't remember what happened last night?”
Yoshiki shook his head, looking a bit scared. ”Not really...” he answered. ”Why? What did I do?”
Kaoru shook his head. ”If you don't remember, it doesn't matter”, he whispered. ”I'll do my best to forget about it and we don't have to speak about it at all and-”
”No!” Yoshiki breathed and stood up, coming closer to him. ”What did I do? Tell me...”
Kaoru couldn't look at his teacher in the eyes. ”It's nothing important, you were just drunk...” he muttered nervously.
”Kaoru”, Yoshiki breathed. ”You're making me insane. I need to know.”
Kaoru took a deep breath and with a shaking voice he started to speak. ”When I was taking my clothes off... you came from behind and... you were... saying weird things. You were kissing my shoulder and my neck and...”
Yoshiki looked horrified, shaking his head. ”No...” he breathed.
”Yes...” Kaoru whispered. ”I told you that you're drunk and you don't know what you're doing. But you didn't stop. Finally I pushed you off. Nothing more happened but you scared me.”
Yoshiki was shocked. ”Oh god, what have I done...” he whispered. ”Kaoru, I'm so sorry! I must have been terribly drunk. I would never do that if I wasn't. I...”
”I know”, Kaoru said quietly. ”But it's alright, you were just drunk, right?”
”Yes, of course”, Yoshiki breathed. ”But I feel horrible. Thank god you didn't let me touch you. Do you hate me now?”
Kaoru shook his head. ”Of course not. We were both drunk. Weird things happen when people drink alcohol. I totally understand.”
Yoshiki sighed heavily. ”I would never forgive myself if I hurt you”, he muttered. ”I care about you so much.” He gently touched Kaoru's face and Kaoru felt his heart pound hard in his chest. Oh god. What was this feeling? Again... Was he falling in love with his ex-teacher? No, of course not. Yoshiki was just a friend... Just a friend. Right?
”Umm... Maybe we should go downstairs”, he said, breaking the eyecontact. Yoshiki pulled his hand off his hair and nodded.
***
Few days passed. It was a wednesday evening and Toshiya, Shinya, Kaoru and Daisuke were spending time at Daisuke's place - Daisuke had finally moved to an own apartment after graduating. Kyo hadn't arrived yet, he was late.
”How's your relationship?” Toshiya asked Shinya and Die. ”Happily together, right? No arguing and stuff?”
”Hah. You wish”, Daisuke answered, shaking his head. ”We argue about everything. Shinya can be very annoying at times.”
”Thanks a lot!” Shinya hissed.
”But it's true”, Daisuke said. ”You have a really short temper. You get mad too easily.”
”I wouldn't get mad if you wouldn't piss me off all the time!” Shinya shouted.
”Don't start again!” Daisuke shouted back. ”You're giving me a headache!”
”Stop arguing. I don't want to listen”, Toshiya sighed. Shinya and Daisuke went quiet and didn't say anything anymore. Kaoru spoke.
”How are things with you and Kyo?” he asked Toshiya.
Toshiya made a deep sigh, looking sad. ”It's hard”, he whispered, head down. ”I want to tell him the truth but I'm too scared...”
”What truth?” Shinya asked, eyes wide.
”Toshiya is in love with Kyo”, Daisuke explained. ”You didn't know?”
”No, I didn't know. It seems that I'm always the last person to hear about anything”, Shinya said. ”Besides, Toshiya, face it. Kyo's not interested in men. He's straight.”
”I know...” Toshiya sighed, his eyes starting to get wet. ”And it hurts. I love him so much.”
”Aaw, Toshiya, don't cry”, Daisuke breathed and put his arm around his shoulder. ”It's alright.”
”No, it isn't!” Toshiya sobbed. ”You don't know what it's like! Every time I'm with him, I want to kiss him, I want to tell him how I feel. I don't know how long I can take this. I thought that I could handle it but... I can't. I don't want to lose him but this situation is killing me.”
”Toshiya-”
”I don't know what to do!” Toshiya sobbed, hiding his face in his hands. ”This... is so hard...”
Daisuke, Shinya and Kaoru were looking at each other, clueless. They didn't know what they should say or do. Toshiya was heartbroken but they couldn't help him. It was horrible.
”Toshiya... don't cry”, Daisuke sighed, his arm still around Toshiya. ”It's not the end of the world... You will find someone else and-”
”I don't want anyone else!” Toshiya sobbed. ”I want him!”
The door bell rang and everyone knew who was coming. ”It must be him. I'll go open the door”, Kaoru sighed and stood up, walking to the door.
”Sorry... I'm late”, Kyo said, closing the door behind him. ”How long have you guys been here?”
”Not for long”, Kaoru answered. ”Half an hour or so...”
”Umm... okay”, Kyo sighed, walking past him in to the livingroom, where Toshiya was still sobbing. As soon as he saw that Toshiya was crying, his smile disappeared.
”What's happened?” he asked but no one answered. Shinya didn't even look at him and Daisuke's arm was around Toshiya's shoulder. Something was not right...
”Toshiya... Toshiya, what is it?” he asked worriedly, kneeling to the floor and took Toshiya's hand in his own. ”Why are you crying?”
Toshiya didn't answer him. Instead Kyo got a glance from Daisuke. “What are you looking at?” he asked in an angry tone. “Toshiya-”
“It's nothing”, Toshiya finally said and wiped his tears away, not looking at his friend. “It's nothing important. Don't worry.”
“You're crying here like someone would had died. And then you tell me not to worry? I don't get you, Toshiya”, Kyo said. “We're friends. Why don't you talk to me anymore?”
“Kyo. Let him be”, Shinya sighed. “You're not making him feel any better.”
“Seriously, I'm fine”, Toshiya whispered, wiping the rest of his tears away. “Don't worry about me.”
Kyo stared at him for a while. “If you say so...” he finally said.
***
An hour later everyone was sitting in the kitchen, around the table. They had been chatting all kinds of things but Toshiya was still feeling a bit down. However, he was still trying to take a part in the conversation.
“By the way, Kaoru, what about you and Yoshiki-sensei?” he suddenly asked.
Kaoru was confused. “What do you mean?” he asked.
“What do I mean?” Toshiya asked, smiling a bit. “You know what I mean. What happened at the party, after we left?”
Kaoru couldn't hide his blush and everyone knew something had happened. “Kaoru!” Daisuke breathed. “Don't tell me that you and Yoshiki have... you know... done it?!”
“I knew it”, Shinya said, laughing. “Kaoru's such a slut...!”
“We did not fuck!” Kaoru hissed. He was starting to get mad. Why was everyone always expecting the worst of him? Just because he had been dating Gackt, it didn't make him a slut. “I didn't let him.”
Everyone was quiet for a while and then a grin appeared on Toshiya's face. “But you almost did it, is that what you mean? You said you didn't let him. So he was flirting with you. I knew it!”
Kaoru was blushing brightly. “Well... he did try to seduce me”, he whispered. “He pulled me against him from behind and was kissing my shoulders. He said that-”
“I don't want to hear any more!” Kyo growled. He pretended that he was going to throw up.
“But I do!” Toshiya almost shouted. “Kaoru, what did he say? Tell me, now!”
Kaoru was very embarrassed. Why did Toshiya want to know? This was so embarrassing! “He wasn't making any sense, really. He said that he wants to hold me and stuff. I pushed him away, of course.”
Shinya looked like he didn't believe what he had just told him. Daisuke was shocked. Kyo looked like he would throw up at any minute, and Toshiya was grinning.
“Ehh... Don't go near him anymore”, Kyo said.
“I agree”, Daisuke said right away.
“Don't be silly!” Toshiya breathed. “Yoshiki's nice. Go for it, Kaoru.”
Kaoru stared at his friends, puzzled. “You don't understand at all. He was drunk! People do stupid things when they have been drinking alcohol, right?” he said.
“Of course”, Toshiya said. “But... I saw the way he was looking at you earlier that night...”
“Yeah, I saw it too, but that doesn't mean anything”, Kaoru hurried to say. “Besides, we talked about it the next day and he said that he did it because he was drunk.”
“And you believe him?” Shinya asked, eyes wide. “Come on, Kaoru. Are you an idiot?”
“Of course I believe him! He's my teacher! He's not lusting after me!”
“He used to be your teacher, remember?” Shinya said. “Besides, of course he's not telling the truth, since you don't feel the same way about him.”
“Stop it”, Kaoru shouted. “You don't know anything! He's not like that! He's just a friend...”
“You know what, Kaoru?” Toshiya sighed. “I think you feel exactly the same way about him. I saw it when you two were hugging at the ceremony. You looked like you'd never want to let go.”
“Hah hah, Kaoru likes older men”, Shinya said, laughing. “First Gackt, and now-”
“That's it!” Kaoru shouted and everyone turned to look at him with wide eyes. He had had enough. “I'm not a slut!”
“Of course you're not... We didn't mean it like that”, Shinya said quietly. “Sorry...”
***
After they left Daisuke's place, Kyo wanted to talk with Toshiya, alone.
“What was happening there?” he asked and Toshiya frowned. He had been hoping that Kyo wouldn't ask about it.
“What do you mean?” he asked.
“Don't play stupid, Toshiya!” Kyo growled. “You know what I mean. Why were you crying?”
“What does it matter? It was nothing important”, Toshiya whispered.
“It didn't seem like it”, Kyo said, angry. “I know what I saw! You were crying your eyes out!”
“Yes, I was crying. But believe me, it wasn't anything important”, Toshiya said quietly. “Now let's talk about something else, okay?”
Kyo made a heavy sigh and nodded. What had happened to their friendship? They used to talk about everything and now they barely talked. He didn't know what had happened. Toshiya didn't tell him anything anymore. It seemed like even Kaoru knew more about Toshiya than he did! It felt bad. Didn't Toshiya trust him anymore? Or had he done something wrong? He had no idea. Kyo remembered the look on Daisuke's face when he had walked into the livingroom. Had Toshiya been crying because of Kyo? Why? What had he done wrong?
***
Weeks passed and the summer holiday was reaching its end. Everyone was getting ready for the new school year and Daisuke and Kaoru were getting ready for the new studies. Daisuke was going to start studying science and Kaoru wanted to become a doorman – unlike his father would had wished.
It was a beautiful, sunny day, and Kaoru was riding a bike. He had just been at the mall with Toshiya, Kyo, Shinya and Daisuke. Nowadays he was spending more and more time with them, even Kyo. Actually, he didn't even understand why they had hated each other so much earlier.
Anyway, now he was going to go home and eat. He was very hungry, because he hadn't eaten anything the whole day. After eating he would just lay on the balcony and enjoy the last days of his holiday.
That was when he saw Yoshiki. He was riding pass Yoshiki's house, and saw Yoshiki standing in the yard, in the middle of the garden. Without hesitation Kaoru jumped off his bike and started to walk towards the man. Yoshiki didn't notice him before he was standing right behind him.
“Hi”, Kaoru greeted the older man and Yoshiki startled, turning around.
“Kaoru. Hi”, the older man breathed, smiling. “What are you doing here?”
“Well, I just came from the mall and saw you here so I decided to come and say hi”, Kaoru explained. “You've coloured you hair.”
Yoshiki nodded, touching his hair lightly. “Yeah... I wanted to try out a blonde hair. You like it?”
“Yeah”, Kaoru answered. “It looks cool.”
Yoshiki was quiet for a while, just staring at him, before he spoke again. “I haven't seen you for months”, he said. “Would you like to come and eat with me? I have dinner almost ready.”
“Yes, if it's okay with you. Thank you”, Kaoru said with a smile on his lips.
***
Ten minutes later they were sitting in the kitchen, eating ramen. Yoshiki was interested about Kaoru's future plans.
“So, Kaoru, what are your plans?” Yoshiki asked, taking a sip from his glass.
“My future plans?” Kaoru muttered a bit shyly. “I... I'm going to become a doorman.”
Yoshiki almost choked on his drink. “What?” he asked. “A doorman? Are you serious?”
Kaoru nodded, embarrassed. He had known how his teacher would react. His father and Hideyuki had reacted exactly the same way. No one accepted that he didn't want to become a doctor or a teacher. Not even Daisuke who was his best friend.
“Yeah...” he said quietly. “Are you shocked?”
“No, I'm not shocked”, Yoshiki said, shaking his head. “But I'm very surprised. You could become anything, you got great grades after graduating and... you want to become a doorman? Are you really sure about this?”
Kaoru nodded. “Everyone asks the same. I am sure”, he answered. “I don't want to become a doctor or a teacher. I don't want to become an architect or a scientist. I don't like it when people are telling me what to do. This is my life...”
“I know”, Yoshiki sighed. “I understand, but... I just... You won't get a lot of money from a job like that, you know.”
“Yeah, but money isn't the most important thing in the world”, Kaoru said. “I want to have a job that I feel comfortable in.”
For Kaoru's surprise, instead of trying to change his mind, Yoshiki smiled. “You're a smart young man”, the older man said. Kaoru felt his cheeks turn reddish.
“Umm... thanks”, he muttered.
***
Kyo woke up in the middle of the night, all sweaty and horrified. He had seen a very weird dream. In the dream he had been at Toshiya's house. They had been watching TV and suddenly they had started kissing each other. It had ended up a lot more: Toshiya had fucked him. And to make the matters even worse, he had enjoyed it.
Kyo frowned, when he realized that he had also been masturbating. His hand was still inside his boxers, full of sperm. Kyo cursed, closing his eyes. Oh god, what a dream! What the hell was happening to him? All of a sudden he had dreamed about his best friend fucking him? That was twisted! And he had got an orgasm when dreaming about it. There was definitely something wrong with him. Was he gay?
No, no. The whole idea was impossible. He, gay? It made him want to throw up. Or did it? Toshiya wasn't badlooking, actually he was pretty cute, but he was a guy! And Kyo wasn't gay, he was straight. He liked girls, right? Well, to tell the truth, he had never liked any girl. Almost all the girls in their school had always seemed to dislike him. But did it make him gay? No, he couldn't be gay. He was just confused because all his friends and even most of his teachers were gays. Right?!
TBC...
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