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The Sea Will Guide You Back To Me	By : BurntToasties Category: Singers/Bands/Musicians > Tokio Hotel Views: 2178 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: "Disclaimer: This is purely a work of fiction! I do not know Tokio Hotel, and I do not profit from these writings.

Chapter List
- 19
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:Normal POV:

   I laid on Buick’s bed, the exhaustion from flying overseas on ten minutes notice finally hitting me while the moronic attendant on the other side of the phone line had me on hold.
   “So Bill kicked you out?” She asked quietly, also tired, and laying next to me.
“Bill was in an accident, and Georg flew me out here because he thought Bill might want to see me. When we got to the hospital, Tom blamed me for the accident, Bill yelled at me to get out of his room, and I wasted precious sleeping hours just to have salt and lime ground into these wounds all over again Buick,” I said with a laugh, feeling close to crying but not wanting to give in.
   “What are you going to do now?” she asked. I sighed, shaking my head as she turned off the light. The sky outside was already getting lighter, the pale blue light peeking through the curtains over her window.
   “I’m going to book the next flight out and forget this whole thing ever happened,” I said when the jazz finally clicked off.
“Yes Miss Fischer, we have a flight to New York City leaving in two hours,” she said.
“Perfect, I’d like a ticket on that flight,” I said, jumping off the bed. Buick hugged me and grabbed her keys. The drive to the airport was mostly silent until her phone began vibrating. I checked the caller ID.
   “It’s Gustav, want me to answer?”I asked. She thought for a minute, then shook her head.
“It’s probably to tell me how much he misses me or something equally clingy,” she joked. I let it go to voicemail.
   “Are you sure you don’t want to stay Mina? Just because Bill didn’t want to see you doesn’t mean there aren’t other people- other devastatingly gorgeous, witty people who’s name starts with ‘bre’ and ends with ‘anne’- that would love to spend time with you,” She smiled. I laughed, watching the dark landscape blur outside the window. I felt the first tear roll down my cheek before I knew I was crying. Bee reached over and rubbed my shoulder, doing her best to keep her eyes on the road. Her phone vibrated again, and she checked the caller id, groaned, and answered.
   “Gusti, love, I’m busy I’ll call you back,” she said quickly and hung up. “Sorry Mina. I know it must have been hard. I just want to punch him in that perfectly sculpted face of his.” I tried to give her a smile and wiped the tears away.
   “The look on his face when he saw me Bee. I had always hoped it had been a mistake, you know? That he didn’t mean it, or it was a hoax. I don’t know. But the look on his face,” I swallowed to try and clear the knot forming in my throat. “It was utter hatred, Bee. He hates me, and I still don’t understand it. I really thought he was it.” Bee grabbed my hand and squeezed gently.
   “I thought he was, too. Gustav says he’s been real torn up, drinking pretty much every day. Started smoking, whole nine yards. And their last album? All about the ‘pain of love’ and wanting to be like machines?” She stopped when she saw the look on my face.
   “I never listened to the new album. I had the songs he sent me when we were dating still, but they were beautiful and about love and the inspiration it gives. That doesn’t sound like Bill at all,” I looked at the floor, at the visitors sticker on my shirt from the hospital. I peeled it off carefully and folded it until it was a tiny box. Bee dug around in the glove compartment in my lap, sorting through cd covers until she found the one she wanted and held it up for me to see. The cover was Bill’s face, but it was dark, almost empty of emotion with mechanical tubes and parts on half his face. Humanoid. I turned it over, at the dark skyline on the back, and read the song titles. None of the songs he had sent to me were on the album.
   “Keep it if you want, but just listen. I’m not trying to play devil’s advocate here or anything, but he was hurting pretty bad too. This was just last year,” she said. I sighed, not sure if I wanted to hear his voice, especially if he was in pain. I took a deep breath and popped the cd in, and before it began playing Bee skipped ahead a few tracks.
   “I think you’ll really understand with this one,” she said softly before Tom’s guitars played over the speakers before Bill’s voice tore through my chest.
   You’re automatic and your heart’s like an engine- I die with every beat. You’re automatic and your voice is electric- why do I still believe? It’s automatic every word in your letter- a lie that makes me bleed.
I felt a lump in my throat form. I opened the booklet from the CD case and flipped to the pages with the lyrics. While it was the German album, I read through the rest of the lyrics, and wanted to turn back. The song played through, and I couldn’t do anything besides stare at the pages in font of me. It was like watching him try to process the breakup in stages.
   “Bee, he’s chronicled our entire break up in here,” I choked out, reading the lyrics. “ ‘The pain of love will never stop, we are our own creation... we don’t belong to anyone.... I want to touch, without it’s not worth living.’ Bee this had to have bee right after the emails. I can tell “Noise” and “Hey You” were written some point between the initial letters and the fight in my apartment, the fury drips from the pages. And the rest, you can see the numbness, the sadness, everything,” I felt a tear sliding down my cheek again, as if I was absorbing the emotions Bill had wrote into the words on the pages. Bee nodded, skipping to another track, “That Day.” You could hear the silent tension from empty condolences, the pain knowing it wouldn’t be fixed. I turned it off, tucking the booklet back into the case and putting it down between us.
   “It hurt hearing the songs when they were recording. Everyone in the room saw him hurting, saw him trying to medicate and forget, but he couldn’t,” She said quietly as we pulled into the airport drop off. I hugged her tight and got out of the car. “Please stay longer. He needs you, Mina, and I can tell you still need him just as much.” I blew out a long breath, trying to gather my emotions before turning to her.
   “Bee, I can’t stay here indefinitely until he finally opens up. He still thinks I’m the one that sent the first email for crying out loud!” Bee’s brows knit together in confusion before I turned and walked away. I got in line for security when I realized my bag was still sitting in Georg’s car, I muttered a few choice curses before turning back and going out to Buick’s car still sitting in the drop off.
   “Georg has my passport. It’s in my go bag, on the passenger side floor,” I sighed, getting into the car.
   “What do you mean he thinks you sent first email?” she asked, her voice far off.
“I mean I wrote to him saying I couldn’t believe he was photographed vacationing with another woman and that he should’ve just told me we were done instead of letting the press do it for him. Then he sent the next email-”
   “Yeah, explaining the girl in Spain, then you broke up with him any way,” she interrupted. Now it was my turn to be confused.
   “No, he sent a message with some bull about how the ‘distance was too much, and he’d never be able to keep up the relationship we both deserve from afar’ or whatever excuse it was,” Bee almost laughed at my imitation of Bill when I paraphrased his letter, but she shook her head.
   “He’s never once mentioned sending an email like that. Just that you wrote saying he was too far away to maintain a proper relationship, that you’re just some faceless nobody while he’s becoming some big star and how he should find some girl that can treat him better and be more available for him,” she rattled off, scoffing. I shook my head.
   “I never wrote that Buick. I never sent him another email. Look,” I dug out my phone, pulled up my email boxes. For once being a virtual pack rat worked in my favor as Bee searched my sent mail from two years prior. There was a knock at her window, causing both of us to jump and scream before realizing it was a very winded Gustav. Bee rolled down the window.
   “Marina-” he panted out, “Dont...go... Bill... wants you..” He gripped onto the car door as if he sprinted from the hospital.
   “Get in the car, I’m getting out of the drop off before they ticket me or something,” Buick said. He just nodded and got in the back seat.
   “Gustav, what’s going on? Why did Bill suddenly change his mind. and what’s this about me sending a break up email?” I asked, trying to figure out what was happening.
   “It was Nick. He sent an email from Bill first to break up with you, then sent Bill a break up email from you. The addresses must have looked almost Identical or something since neither of you have records of anything besides receiving them,” Gustav explained. I wanted to bang my head against the window.
   “That would explain why he never wrote back after. Shit Gustav, what was Nick’s reason?” I asked.
   “To get you out of the picture before word got out that you deflowered our young Bill, and ruined all his ‘work’ on Bill’s public image,” he rolled his eyes.
   “While I’m all glad this is finally coming to light,” Bee interjected, “I would like to ask- How in the fuck did you get here?”
   “Tom drove me. I saw your car and didn’t know how long you’d be sitting here so I jumped out. I saw you start to pull away, but then Marina came back out. I almost took out a taxi trying to make sure you wouldn’t leave again,” he explained. I nodded as Bee turned the car around.
   “I’m just going out on a limb here, but are we heading back to the hospital?” I asked.
I ran through the doors and back up to Bill’s room as fast as my feet could carry me. I slowed a few doors down, doing a quick refresher as I caught my breath. I ran my fingers through my hair, wiped under my eyes to clear away any running eyeliner, and took a deep breath. I walked to his door and knocked before pushing it open slowly. Bill looked as if he was sleeping. It was the first time I had gotten more than a few seconds to look at him since I flew in. He had deep circles around both eyes, his shorter hair was haphazard as if he hadn’t found a brush in days, and he seemed to be lacking the usual aura of energy he had when we first met. It had been almost two and a half years since I had last seen him in my apartment, and the paleness of his skin screamed that he’d stopped caring about his health. I sat in the chair next to the bed, unsure of what to do. Tom had gone back home, offering his apologies for his behavior through Gustav. Georg was in the waiting room with Gustav and Bee, and I’m sure they would be heading home soon.
Bill stirred, his eyes slowly opening and catching mine. We locked gazes for a few seconds that seemed to stretch into minutes before recognition ran across his face. He smiled, sitting up fully and offering the side of his bed to me. I quickly stood, sitting next to him.
   “You know, Georg was right. You look like shit,” I teased, taking his hand in mine. He laughed, shaking his head.
   “The first thing you decide to say to me after two years, and that’s what you come up with?” He said, pulling a pout that could break a million hearts.
   “Well, after screaming at me to get the fuck out of the room, I figured I got a free shot, yeah?” He scrunched his nose at my answer and stuck his tongue out at me. He tried to take a deep breath and winced, groaning at whatever ached before putting an arm around me, pulling me down into his side.
   “I’m so sorry Mina. I should’ve known something was up when I got the email. It was strange that we had just cleared up our misunderstanding, and the next moment you’re breaking up with me,” He ran a hand through his short, limp hair.
   “I’m sorry too, Bill. Do you think...we might be able to fix this?” I said quietly. The room was silent, and I looked up at his face. He turned his head and pressed his lips to my temple, kissing me gently.
   “Marina, I’m sure we can find a way to fix things. Just don’t go running off before I’m let out of here, ok?” Bill smiled at me. “So tell me, did you win the show? You had to, you’re an amazing chef,” he asked, trying to change the topic.
“No, I didn’t, Bob wins. And I don’t think I’ve ever cooked for you, so how would you know?” I teased him, running a hand up his arm softly. It felt so strange to be touching him again, how familiar it felt after so many years, yet different. It was still Bill, but he felt rougher since the last time I had been close enough to touch him, and I could see hints of tattoos that he’d gotten in the years since we last saw each other.
“True, but I don’t need to taste your food to know it’s the best,” he smiled. I could sense that he was holding back more personal questions, but wasn’t sure how to ask them.
“What have you guys been doing?” I asked cautiously, not knowing what to really expect. “I heard you’re last album was doing well, and your follow up concert.”
   “You never listened to the album?” He seemed shocked when I shook my head.
“No, I didn’t want to be reminded of what I couldn’t have. Bee made me listen to it on the way to the airport,” I sighed, pressing my face into his side as his hand began running up and down my back softly. “You sounded so hurt, so angry.” I felt tears burning behind my eyes. Bill was quiet for some time, and we stayed together in the tiny bed for what felt like hours, sharing light touches and comforting, chaste kisses.
   “Marina, that album was a reflection of what I was going through. Now that I know the truth, it just seems so childish, so... angsty,” I couldn’t help but chuckle at his words.
   “Yeah, but at the time, you thought I’d broken your heart. I did the same thing- ducked my head down and just worked through the pain. I think for the first year, anything I cooked could either burn a whole through a table it was so spicy, or was a cold dish with minimal effort,” His laugh was loud as I remember, and I couldn’t help the smile on my face. His hand found its way to my chin, stroking gently and tilting my face upwards. I scooted up the bed into the kiss I so desperately wanted. Our lips met and all the emotion I’d been hiding came flooding back. His tongue pressed against my lips gently, asking permission I was all too happy to give. He deepened the kiss, trying to reach his other arm over to hold me. He groaned in pain, sitting back against the bed.
   “This injured business is bullshit. Marina, never get hit by a car. It’s not fun,” he smiled through his discomfort. I shook my head and chuckled, looking him over.
“You should get some rest Bill. I’ll be back later ok?” I smiled, kissing his cheek. He held on to my hand tightly.
   “Promise you won’t leave Germany yet?” His voice had lost his usual confidence, afraid I would leave.
   “I promise Bill. I’m not going anywhere until you can hobble out on your own,” I smiled. Bill scrunched his nose at me, kissed the back of my hand, and closed his eyes. I went back into the hallway, Buick asleep in a chair in the waiting room, her head in Gustav’s lap. I rubbed her back gently, rousing both of them.
   “I thought you would’ve gone home?” I asked as she rubbed her eyes.
“And how would you get home?” She asked, yawning and standing up. She fished her phone out of her purse to check the time.
“Lets go home, I’m exhausted. We’ll come back in the afternoon ok?” I just nodded with her, the jet lag, emotional outbursts, and time difference finally hitting me. I fell asleep on the ride home, and barely woke up enough to stagger into her apartment and onto the sofa.
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The Sea Will Guide You Back To Me