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Blurry Days	By : theProphet Category: > Kyo/Kaoru Views: 2083 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: This is the work of fiction. Don't know Dir en grey and don't make any money from this.

Chapter List
- 19
- 20
- 21
Next chapter is the final one ^^

--- January 2009 ---
Kaoru was writing music in his study, but this time I didn’t stay there with him to listen, because I wanted to be alone today as long as I can. I could still hear his new guitar even in the living room. When he got it from me at Christmas, I again had to listen to his nagging about me wasting money for him. When will he get tired of being a pain in the ass? I’m already thinking about his birthday present, and if he didn’t like how much money I spent on the guitar, he definitely won’t like the birthday present’s costs as well. As if I care!
It’s a cold January morning today. The sky is dark, the clouds grey and dirty. There’s no snow in Tokyo. The entire city is a vast land of concrete colorless buildings.
I try to count how many years have passed since that faithful night after the concert. Nearly six years. Kaoru loved me for so much time. And he still does. Even though I’m now as much useful as discarded goods. I was forced to accept the fact that perhaps I will never be the same as I was. I’ll never be completely sane and healthy until I die.
I had a major breakdown in early November.
It scared the shit out of me.
Kaoru said I was ‘gone’ for nearly four hours. By the time I ‘came back’, I was in my doctor’s office, with Kaoru by my side, looking like he saw the devil himself – he was so scared.
Why did it have to happen again? I was doing so well.
My doctor made me go to the psychiatrist. But soon Kaoru had to join. He was an undistinguishable part of my life now and whatever triggered this setback in my recovery, Kaoru would know or would be a part of the cause.
Weeks went by and it didn’t happen again to my relief. The psychotherapy helped at least in a way that it helped me to learn to control my fear for this ‘black-out’ to come back. My doctor also said that perhaps the biggest trigger was the changing situation in my life. Or, to be more exact, our little trip to Beppu.
Well, at least she convinced Kaoru that not making trips like that would also be not good, because the first thing Kaoru did was blame himself and then swear to never go anywhere until I totally recover.
The doctor said perhaps the trip should have been shorter and not so extreme as for the first time, considering the fact that after I ‘came back’, I didn’t go anywhere outside Tokyo. But she said that the biggest stimulus must have been what has happened between me and Kaoru. Mainly the kiss. And the fact that I finally told Kaoru everything that had happened to me, or at least everything that I can remember.
At first I didn’t want to discuss any of those things – not about my past, and certainly not about my relationship with Kaoru in spite of whatever that relationship was. But she was a shrink. And she knew how to convince people.
So we – me, Kaoru and her – discussed the trip thoroughly to my utmost displeasure. I refused to say a word to her about the time that I was in that place and thankfully she gave up trying when she understood that I could keep my ground if I wanted. But other topics were open for her.
We discussed the situation me and Kaoru are in and in a way it helped me to calm down a bit. She said that most probably I won’t be ‘gone’ again so severely if I would look after myself from now on. I already knew Kaoru was in love with me and Kaoru knew I didn’t have an answer ready for him, so whatever comes next should not affect my mental state as it did, because it would be more or less expected.
Kaoru, being so insightful as he is, then asked if this state of mind could be aroused from other very stressful situations. And she said that it was probable. If it happened once after so much time, there was no way to tell if it won’t happen again.
I asked her – why didn’t it happen immediately after the trip? And she asked me in return – have I been thinking about all that have happened since we got back.
Yeah, I did. All the time. I started to observe Kaoru closer. I started to notice little things that he did not out of friendship, but out of love. I sometimes noticed the looks he was giving me – longing looks filled with lust and desire for me. And I constantly was thinking what I should do.
It wasn’t fair for Kaoru. He said I could stay with him as long as I wanted, but the longer I stay, the harder it will be for him when I will finally go. And I was constantly asking myself if I should stop being selfish and let go of Kaoru. I should live on my own and should let him finally get on with his life. For as long as I was around, Kaoru would always have hopes. And I didn’t know if I could be this cruel to him.
But on the other hand… I didn’t want to let go. I wanted to be with Kaoru. I want to be with him all the time. Only when he’s around I feel safe. I had many friends before, but now I’ve got only a few of them. Nobody, and I mean, NOBODY else except for my parents, my sister, Die, Toshiya and Shinya now come to visit me.
Of course, my parents didn’t allow anyone to visit me in that institution. Only my former band mates were allowed to do that as they were a big part of the search party and thus met my parents quite often back then. So when they asked a permission to visit me after I was found, my parents included them in the list. Apparently you can’t just drop by in a mental institution. You had to be a family member or have a pass.
And after all, the state I was in was the same as if I wasn’t back at all. Any of my friends wouldn’t have had any use of their visits. My own and my band mates’ friends were not the same, so my friends didn’t know anything about my condition. And up until now I never really wanted to meet anyone except Ru-chan.
So perhaps it’s not a wonder that now I face the situation I am in – just a couple of friends and disappointed parents. No wonder I cling to Kaoru so much. He proved me that he was the only one who really cared. After all, if I had a real true friend, he would still be here, even after all this time. But apparently I had no real friends back then, just a bunch of losers under the pretence of friendship in reality only wanting to have a part of my fame.
It was a depressing thought, but such was the reality. Even Die, Toshiya and Shinya didn’t visit often. They had jobs and their own lives now. They couldn’t just leave everything behind and come here every week.
But I have wondered miles away from Kaoru.
Kaoru is what I think about all the time now. If he’s not around me, he’s still planted deep in my brain, constantly nagging me, constantly looking at me with his loving and all-forgiving eyes.
The way his naked body felt pressed against mine.
His hardening cock.
Did I like that?
Then, even if I felt it, I didn’t notice. At that moment it was the least important thing.
But whenever I remember that moment, I get so shy if Kaoru is around me at the same time.
It was so intimate. So intimate. It was as if we became one at that moment. One body and one soul. I’ve never felt so close to him before, so open for him and so vulnerable. At that moment I’ve let all my walls down, I’ve opened my heart and my soul – I’ve given myself to him completely.
And that one brief kiss, our bodies pressed to each other so tightly that all the lines disappeared leaving one flesh instead, his careful touches, his skin ---
It was perfect.
Until he ruined it by pushing me away.
Yes, I understand his trail of thought, I understand his reasons, but… but I wish he hadn’t pushed me away. Because I’ll never get to know what might have happened. What else I would have done. How much I would have given to him.
Now I don’t want to do that anymore. I’m afraid of his touches again. Afraid of his love for me. Afraid of his desire for my body.
Was it only a moment? Was I caught up in a magical spell of a different beautiful place? Of the silence, the false sense of freedom that I actually didn’t have? His face looking so kind and his words sounding so sincere?
I hate to think about it now.
There are days when I think I won’t ever touch him that way again. That I won’t ever even consider kissing him again. And I’m not talking about more intimate things beyond that. Sometimes I think I should finally pack my things and go. That is, when he won’t be my official guardian any more.
But then there are days when I look at him – at his dark brown eyes, his serious and concerned look on the face, his muscled arms and his thin lips – and I want to touch him. I want to feel his skin on my own again. I crave for closeness, but never dare to ask for it.
And this is exactly what, according to my shrink, drove me to mental breakdown.
We discussed this without Kaoru, thankfully. My feelings towards him were not touched when he was around. But she made me tell her all she wanted to know when we were alone. It was best for me, she told me.
She said I should try to sort out my feelings for Kaoru as soon as possible. Well, that much I know myself, than you very much.
She also talked alone with Kaoru, but he didn’t tell me about what. He said ‘just some stuff I already know myself’. Well, that was insightful! But I didn’t press the subject. He had a right to have some private thoughts for himself.
The doorbell rings distracting me from my thoughts.
For a moment I feel puzzled, but then remember – that was why I wanted to be alone today as long as possible! Because my parents and my sis were coming today!
I stand up and go to open the door.
They came to Tokyo to see the new flat my sister moved in with her fiancé. They will get married soon and the preparations had to be made. My parents wanted to take a part in all of this, so they came to Tokyo. I was just an additional errand they had to run.
But this time I knew what they wanted to talk about.
My sister got to know about the setback in my recovery. And she, of course, told our parents. So they were coming to make sure I was still sane. And to nag of why I didn’t tell them about it at all.
This year I spent Christmas and New Year at Kaoru’s parents’ place. It wasn’t as bad as I imagined. Apparently Kaoru’s parents had already made peace with Kaoru’s decision and welcomed me quite kindly. I guess now, when I’m not a veggie any more, they hope that soon it will all end. But more so, I think, they are proud of Kaoru and aren’t angry on him anymore.
Their son sacrificed so much for a mere friend and faithfully stuck to the obligation he himself has made. He was worth respect and his parents finally acknowledged that. Even if it took quite some time for them to do that.
My parents weren’t like that. They weren’t happy that I didn’t come home for holidays. My sis did. With her fiancé. But there was no way on earth I was going there without Kaoru. And I know Kaoru would have had a shitty time if he went with me, so I didn’t want to ruin holidays for him. So we simply didn’t go.
When I reach the hall, Kaoru is already there. But he is looking at me, waiting for me to open the door.
When my parents get inside the flat, they just nod at Kaoru’s direction and ignore him from then on. Kaoru silently excuses himself, says he has work to do, and disappears in his study again. I am left with my parents and my sister in the kitchen. My mother takes the job of the host and starts preparing coffee. My sis takes out a box of pie and brings the plates. My father lights himself a cigarette and sits on a chair, watching me intently.
“You look fine, Tooru. I wouldn’t tell that your condition worsened” my mom says, keeping her back turned to me and pouring coffee in the mugs. She has only four mugs prepared.
“I told you I am fine. That didn’t happen again and perhaps it won’t” I try to keep my irritation out of my voice.
“So for how much longer he’s going to be your guardian?” father asks, still starring at me as if looking for something.
I shrug and expect that it will be enough of an answer, but it isn’t. The prolonged silence makes my mother stop busying with the coffee and turn to look at me, waiting for an answer.
“I don’t know, but it’s still months, maybe even a whole year. I don’t know.”
“This is getting ridiculous” my father murmurs. “You don’t look like you need a babysitter anymore. You could do just fine on your own. Why live with a man for longer?”
“And why not?” I shot back. My temper is really bad today and I can’t stop myself, even if I know I should just let them talk and pretend I agree. “At least I’m not constantly alone! Kaoru is a great guy! A close friend and I’m lucky that he’s been willing to put up with me for so long!”
“What kind of talk is this?” my father asks, putting out his cigarette and putting his hands in front of him on the table.
I bite my lip and try to be patient. There’s no point in arguing with them, I try to remind myself.
Mother puts the cups with steaming coffee on the table and they clatter angrily, because she uses too much force. My sis sits at the end of the table, but our parents don’t even notice her. She’s the good child – getting married to a man and will soon make them be the happy grandparents. A proper and honorable life.
“So what are you planning to do now, Tooru?” my mother asks, now also starting to stare at me, not even blinking. This makes me even more uncomfortable. It’s as if I was some criminal in an inquisition room.
I shrug again and my mother’s lips purse in displeasure.
“You have to think about your future, Tooru. Of course, the first thing for you will be to move back to your house. I know you’ve started already thinking about it as you asked money for furniture and redecoration. So it’s a step forward. I’d actually like to go over your house and see the furniture you bought. Maybe I would suggest you how to…”
“I didn’t buy any furniture” I interrupt her and she stares back at me surprised. I see my sister bite her lip nervously. She knew about the car. She helped me to buy it. But my parents thought that the huge amount of money was needed for my house.
“What do you mean?” my father asks, his voice sounding cold and stern.
“I bought Kaoru a present.”
They keep silent, waiting for more explanation. Sometimes they can be so ridiculously dramatic.
“I bought Kaoru a car.”
My mother gasps and looks at my sis accusingly. Before she can say anything, I add:
“She didn’t know. I didn’t tell anyone about it.”
My sis has to keep good relationship with them if I seem to fail to do that. My parents deserve at least one decent child they could be proud of.
“Are you mad?!” my mother barely manages to keep her voice as low as possible. “You spent so much money for that man?!”
She stops, obviously wanting to say so much more, but suddenly changing her mind and looks at my father. He sights and glances at my sis.
“Leave us alone with your brother for some time.”
She glances at me, but I smile to her and nod. I can deal with them. There’s nothing they can threaten me with. There’s nothing they can do to me. Even if they would now start to object to Kaoru’s status as my guardian, I was very near the day when I wouldn’t need anyone like that at all. So there would be no point in threatening me with things like that.
The only thing they could do is not give me my money. But I had enough for Kaoru’s present already, so I wouldn’t really need so much anytime soon. And my sis would always lend me if I asked.
So I was pretty much out of their reach. They lost their power over me and I was positive that there was nothing they could do to make me act according to their wishes.
My sis stands up, puts another peace of pie in her plate, takes additional fork and goes away slowly, silently closing the kitchen door behind us. I sight and turn to look at my parents again.
“Do you realize, Tooru, that this man might be using you? That what this man is trying to achieve is to get your money?”
I just shake my head, trying not to laugh into their faces.
“This is no joke, Tooru” my father says. “The next thing you know, he will be asking you to give over your house to him.”
“And I would give it to him if only he needed that fucking house!” I say, feeling very irritated. I wish they would just leave me alone finally.
“Oh no, this is not happening! Where would you live then? On the street? Your account is not so big anymore, you wouldn’t buy even a good flat with what is left for you!”
“Don’t you realize that Kaoru doesn’t want my money? He actually got angry that I bought him a car!”
“Yes, got angry, but took it nevertheless!” my father almost spat the words out.
“He took it because I wanted him to have it! Don’t you think Kaoru deserves it? Don’t you think my life doesn’t even cost as much as one fucking car?”
“He didn’t save you life, for God’s sake!” my mother says, finally making her voice sound steady. “They would have done the same with you in the hospital!”
“No, I don’t think so.”
“Tooru, we’re just wanting what’s best for you. That man’s intentions are not clear. So please, try to understand us! He takes a car from you now, but he might be asking much more later. And isn’t it enough already? He had you all to himself – he did whatever he wanted to you while you couldn’t resist. So leave him now! Leave this place and start a respectable and honorable life! Don’t sink lower. Don’t let that man use you anymore!”
I stand up slowly, leaving the untouched coffee and cake on the table.
“Please, go away now.”
They stare at me, as if not understanding the meaning of these fours words.
“You are guests at Kaoru’s home. At a home of a man who was the only one not to abandon me completely. So be kind and don’t drag his name through mire. I’m not going to sit here calmly and listen to all of this. I’m not gong to let you degrade him so.”
I myself am surprised at how calm my voice sounds. Perhaps I wasn’t expecting anything else from them. After all that has happened to me, my relationship with my parents worsened significantly and today I didn’t expect anything else from them.
“Tooru, you’re still not thinking clearly” my mother starts, but I silence her by lifting my hand in front of her face.
“Please, if it’s all you wanted to say, leave now. If not, let’s have coffee and cake like any normal parents and their son. But if you’re going to continue talking shit about Kaoru without knowing him at all, I am not going to listen to any of this.”
They look at me for some time, considering, and then my farther stands up angrily and glares at me.
“I always said that rock band and tattoos and dissolute life will never turn out in a good way and damn I was right about it. At least your sister grew up to be a proper young lady.”
He then turns and leaves the kitchen. My mother closes the distance between us and takes a hold of my face with her hands, forcing me to look at her.
“Tooru, son, why are you hurting us this way?”
“Mom, I’m not a child, look at me. I’m a grown up man. Do you really think you will come here, order me to behave a certain way and I will?”
She shakes her head a bit, but seems to still look at me as if I was having a fever and was blundering out.
“But people are talking that this Niikura wants certain things from you… things that only a woman should be providing him…”
“And what if he does?”
She stares at me as if I told her I killed somebody.
“Even if he does, do you think he will just take it? Or make me give it to him? Do you really think so low of him, mother?”
“What has that man done to you, Tooru?”
I feel her fingers shaking and suddenly feel guilty of saying things to her that I knew will hurt her.
“About what man are you talking exactly, mom? Because there was only one man who fucked up my life. And that man is not Kaoru.”
She looks at me with so much pain in her eyes that I already regret being so cruel to her. She was a good mother and always wanted the best for me. She believed her son to be dead to only later find him again, but completely mad and broken, violated in so many ways she would never even imagine. And it broke her heart apart. I could see that. And now, she truly believed Kaoru was a threat to me as well. Not only physically and financially, but also mentally.
“Please, Tooru, just leave this place. Come back home to Kyoto until you will completely recover and we’ll see what we can do about your future. But just… just leave this man… escape from his grip already…”
I shake my head and take her hands of my face.
“I won’t, mother. And the sooner you will accept that, the sooner we will have a normal relationship again.”
“So what are you telling me? That you will live with him forever?”
I shrug a bit.
“I don’t know. All I know is that at least for now I have no intentions from going anywhere. I’m not going anywhere without Kaoru.”
She studies my face for a moment then composes herself and straightens out.
“Think about it, Tooru. Think about it very carefully. Because in the end you might not only loose your money, your dignity, but also your family. Your father is not as patient as I am.”
She then kisses me on the forehead quickly and goes away, closing the door behind herself. I sit down and take a deep breath.
I’ve lost my family a long time ago. I started loosing what little I had whenever I said I hated studying, when I said I wanted to join the band instead of finding a decent job, whenever I got a tattoo or whenever I laughed too loud or used bad language. Or just was my withdrawn and strange self.
At least I had a wonderful little sis I could always trust. And when she grew up, she turned out to be an even more wonderful person that she was before.
I was lucky to have her. Because without her Kaoru would never have had the opportunity to take me home with himself and I’d still be in that madhouse and crazy.
And whatever they say, I know that without Kaoru I wouldn’t have ever recovered so steadily and so quickly. And I don’t need a doctor’s diploma to state that. I just know it.
I just know it.
***
I tried to focus on my work, but it was impossible. I knew Kyo was there in the kitchen with his parents and sister. And so far every time he talked to his parents, they always managed to upset him. So why today would be any different?
I was arranging and rearranging the papers on my table not really seeing them. My thoughts were far away from my job. The sudden, silent knocking on the door surprised me a lot. It seemed that just some minutes passed since their arrival.
“Come in” I say, suddenly feeling nervous. But as I see Kyo’s sister stepping into the room with a plate of two big pieces of pie on it, I relax. My relationship with Kyo’s sister was very good.
She is smiling a bit apologetically while she nears the table and puts the plate in front of me.
“I’m sorry to bother you while you’re working, Kaoru-san, but I had to leave them in privacy.”
I can feel a frown on my face, but try to look neutral. Still, she notices.
“It’s just… Kyo told them about the car.”
Great. This is what I wasn’t waiting for. I know they’ll think I made Kyo buy it for me. I just know it.
“I’m sorry” she says and sits in the armchair in front of me.
“No, don’t apologize for nothing” I say to her. She smiles a bit. She looks so much like Kyo. I still can’t help but be surprised. And today she especially reminds me of him. She’s so frail and small, so gentle-looking. But the face – her face reminds of Kyo the most. She has the same eyes, the same lips, the same cheekbones.
“What is the matter, Kaoru-san?” she asks. Perhaps I was starring at her too openly.
“I’m sorry, it’s just that sometimes I still can’t help but be surprised at how much you look like your brother.”
She smiles a bit sadly for some reason, but nods.
“I’m sorry, I don’t want to bother you while you work, but they wanted to talk to Tooru in private, so I thought I’d come to you.”
“It’s ok. I couldn’t really concentrate on work at the moment.”
“Kaoru-san, I’ve been meaning to ask you something for quite some time now, but never had enough courage…”
“You can ask me whatever you want” I smile at her in attempt to encourage.
“Have your feelings towards Tooru changed during these years?”
Well, this wasn’t really what I had expected to hear. She never asked anything like this at all. I feel a bit awkward to speak about this with her. But I can’t also ignore her questions.
“No, they haven’t. They only grew stronger.”
“Does he know?”
I can only nod. I get an unpleasant feeling. Somehow I’m afraid that this isn’t leading to anything good.
“So if he wants to stay with you even if you’re not his official guardian anymore, you will let him?”
I nod again.
“I’m so relieved” she smiles suddenly and I raise my eyebrows. This is definitely a surprise yet again.
“I was so afraid of what will become of him in the future, but if he’s not going to be alone, if he’s going to remain by your side, I won’t ever worry about him. I’m so happy you will remain by Tooru’s side.”
“Aren’t you worried about the nature of my feelings to him?” I ask, trying to avoid any terms like ‘gay’ or ‘sex’ or ‘serious relationship’.
She shakes her head and smiles.
“I’ve seen my brother in love once. He had a secret lover in Tokyo that no one knew about. Tooru never even showed us the lover’s picture or told us the name. I now suspect it might have been that guy from the magazine. That would be a logical explanation why he never introduced us to his lover. But Tooru was so in love. He was constantly walking with a stupid smirk plastered on his face, he was singing to himself everywhere he was and he was happy about everything, even the warm summer rain that he usually hates.
Whenever he would talk with his lover on the phone, his face would soften so much and I could see so much love in his eyes. He was so happy back then.
He’s not so euphoric now, but I can see the same look in his eyes again. It’s the same look – a look of a man deeply in love. And he’s looking with these loving eyes at you, Kaoru-san.”
The only thought I have is denial. She can’t be right. I shake my head passionately.
“He’s not. He’s not in love with me.”
At first she gets flustered and confused, but soon shakes these feeling off and looks at me sternly.
“I know what I’m talking about. And I know that I am right.”
“You can’t be right. I wish you were, but you aren’t. Kyo said so himself. He loves me as a friend, but nothing more.”
She purses her lips in displeasure and thinks for a moment.
“We’ll see about that, Kaoru-san.”
I want to tell her something back, but the door opens without any warning and Kyo’s father appears on the doorstep. Though he doesn’t come in. He throws a nasty, full of spite, look at me and then turns to his daughter.
“We’re leaving already. Let’s go.”
“But we just came!” she looks worried immediately. But her father stares at her for one more moment and then leaves the room. Kyo’s sister stands up and sights.
“I was afraid of something like this to happen. Out parents were coming here already with a lot of negative emotions in store.”
I stand up as well and escort her to the hall. Kyo’s mother soon enters the hall as well and glares at me quite angrily. But she also looks very upset for some reason.
“We’re leaving” she tells me and I nod. I would never object to this. “There’s just one thing that we want you to know, Niikura-san.”
Kyo’s farther also now looks at me and I can’t wait for them to finally go.
“We are grateful for what you’ve done to Tooru – for taking care of him for so many years. But if you will cross the line of simple friendship – it will not be forgiven. Don’t you ever lay a hand on our son. Don’t you ever corrupt him. His mind is still unstable and it’s easy to use him when he’s like that. You’ve done enough already for him. Just let him go now and don’t… Don’t make him choose the wrong path against his own will.”
Well, they wrapped it up nicely. They could have saved my time and just said ‘don’t fuck Kyo’.
“I’m sorry, Mrs. Nishimura, but I don’t make decisions like that. It’s up to Kyo to decide where we will be going from now on. If he chooses to be with me in every possible way there is, I will not object.”
It took me the whole courage I had to tell them this. But what’s here to hide? I told them the truth. If Kyo wants to stay with me for as long as he will wish, I won’t throw him away. And they better make peace with this as soon as possible.
Suddenly though Kyo’s farther grabs a hold of my sweater and shakes me roughly, glaring at me.
“Then it’s where your little pretence mission ends! We’re talking to the doctor and you’re loosing your guardian status as soon as possible! And Tooru is moving back to his house! And you’re never showing your face in front of him again!”
He pushes me back and turns around, puts on his shoes and his coat. Kyo’s sister looks pretty scared. She dresses as quickly as she can, but her hands are trembling a lot and by the time she finishes, her mother and father already are stepping out of my flat.
She turns to lastly look at me and I manage to smile to her.
“Goodbye” she manages to whisper and closes the door silently.
Poor girl. She shouldn’t take it all to heart so much.
I lock the door and head to the kitchen. Kyo is still there, he doesn’t look too happy. As soon as I enter, he looks at me studying my face.
“I’m sorry, Kaoru.”
“Don’t apologize for them, Kyo.”
I step closer to him and try to calm down myself. I’m a bit worried over what Kyo’s farther just said. But I hope that his threats are empty.
“What did they say to you? I heard voices in the hall.”
I sight, but decide that I should tell him everything. Kyo’s face gets angrier and angrier with every word I say. And when I finish, he looks almost mad with anger.
“Sometimes I hate them so much! I just---“
But he can’t find the right words.
“Maybe I should have kept my mouth shut…”
“No, Kaoru! You did the right thing! I’m not going to lie to them like a teenager anymore. If they don’t like the truth, it’s their fucking problem! And it’s their fucking problem if they don’t like me living with you!”
“Let’s just forget about them, please. At least for the rest of the day.”
Kyo nods slowly and his face relaxes a bit.
“I want to listen to you composing music. You are still going to write today, won’t you?”
I nod. We make ourselves coffee and head to my study. After some time the music fills the room and I relax. It’s just me and Kyo again. He sits in his armchair and watches me while I play my new guitar. The melodies resound in the cool air of the room and I relax.
And when Kyo falls asleep a few hours later, still sitting in the armchair, I feel like there was nothing in the world that could take this away from me. This was my life now. Kyo was my life.
TBC
Author’s comment: I’m not entirely satisfied with this chapter, but I’ve edited so many times that I don’t know anymore what I should or could change. It feels for me as if something’s off, I’m not very happy with it, but I hope it’s decent enough… :(
I don’t know, I’m a bit confused today -_-
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Blurry Days